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Behind Blue Eyes	By : Naomi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1752 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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BEHIND
BLUE EYES

PART
THREE

*yes"> * *

�Are you heading home,
Heero?� Duo asked as the two walked down the halls of Harcourt Brace
University. Walking by his side, a small backpack hanging loosely over his
shoulder, Heero nodded.

�Yes. I finished my classes
for today.� He turned to look at the young man by his side, looking up a little
for Duo had grown a bit taller than him. �How about you?�

Duo sighed tiredly, turning
to look out the large color-glass windows that decorated the hallway. It was
already dark outside.

�I have two more classes to
go, man. Dr. Hendrix has us slaving day and night.� He muttered, waving a small
hello to a couple of students walking by. They waved back at the two of them,
and Heero nodded a small hello as well. They kept walking

�I�m sorry, Heero, but I
guess I�ll have to cancel that dinner again.� Duo apologized with a sigh.

�Don�t worry about it.� Heero
assured him, noting Duo�s bitter tone. �Nora will understand. It�s only the third
time you�ve canceled.� He turned to him with a smirk.

Duo chuckled. �Yeah, yeah, I
know. And you like making me feel guilty about it.� He turned to Heero with a
bright smile.

�It�s because I want you to
meet her. It�s important to me.� Heero explained, turning his head away
sheepishly.

�I know.� Duo said, reaching
his hand for Heero�s. He held his hand gently and gave it a light squeeze. �And
I promise that the minute I�ll have time, I�ll come over.�

Though he felt like sighing,
Heero couldn�t help but smile at the longhaired man. �I understand.� He said,
squeezing back. The two stopped in front of Duo�s biology class.

�Well, this is it.� Duo said
casually, flipping a few bangs out of his eyes. He turned to look at Heero with
a smile. �You�re heading home, right?�

Heero nodded. �Aa. I have
some lessons to catch up with.� He said. �I will see you tomorrow.�

Duo nodded and gave him a
friendly pat on the back. �Don�t abuse the coffee pot too much, man!� He joked,
waving a goodbye as he walked into the classroom.

Heero watched his swinging
braid disappear behind the doorway, his eyes shining. �Baka.� He snorted
softly, and turned to leave.

It�s been two months since he
and Duo ran into each other at the diner. Since then there was only more warmth
in Heero�s world. Not only did Nora�s smile return, but he had also gained another
reason to smile.

The fateful meeting with Duo
brought only more warmth into his heart. He won his best friend back, a link to
his past and a certain hope for his future. The two didn�t separate since the
meeting at the diner. It was the hand of chance that brought them back
together, and they were clever enough to make the most of it. It was one thing
to make friends and socialize with new people, but it was even a greater thing
to have an old friend back into your life. Heero was delighted to have Duo back
in his life. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed the company of the cheerful
and optimistic young man. How much he enjoyed his serious side too, the mature
man behind the joker mask. He had missed having his bright and passionate
spirit in his life. Duo made everything in the world look better. Everything
was easier to bear, just like it was during the war.

He found himself thinking of
Duo often. It was odd because he didn�t give Duo much thought in the past. He
was too busy being depressed or trying to get a certain hold of life, that he
didn�t have the time to stop and think about him. It�s not like he had a
particular reason to be thinking of Duo. At least, he didn�t think he should
have such reason. He was confused, because the more time he spent with Duo, the
more time he spent thinking about him. He found it hard to concentrate on his
studying. His mind tended to wander on his own, daydreaming when he should be
learning.

He replayed events in his
head, old memories from the war and new precious memories from recent times.
All of them had to do with Duo. He recalled all those times Duo and he shared a
dorm room in various boarding schools. How he got mad at Duo for simply being
there and distracting him all the time. Then he recalled how much he missed the
constant chatter and casual contact when Duo was gone. How he had gotten used
to the boy placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning over him or simply sitting
by his side.

During the war Duo filled a
certain void in him. He was able to reach where others could not. He managed to
get the attention of the boy behind the soldier. He did it so simply and
easily, without trying. It was just so easy to get used to him, to be with him.
Even when he didn�t know how to respond to these feelings, to the urge to be
with Duo and hear what he has to say about any trivial thing, he knew that he
wanted to be near him. He felt alive when Duo was around, simply because Duo�s
personality was larger than life itself. He was alive for both of them, and
Heero enjoyed life through what Duo said or did. He was his anchor to life and
the only real friend he ever had.

When the wars ended, that
anchor was cut off and released. They went their separate ways. Heero sunk deep
into the ocean as Duo sailed away into the sunset. Alone underwater, lost in
freezing darkness, Heero slowly forgot of ever feeling the warmth of the sun,
the light that Duo radiated. He learned to slowly climb to surface by himself,
emerging out of the water and gulping for air. Nora was the one who reached her
hand to help and keep him from drowning. She took him onboard her ship, and for
that he was grateful. He loved her for everything she did for him, for letting
him feel the sun again. Trying to move on with his life, Heero slowly forgot
about Duo.

His heart was flooded with
nameless feelings now that Duo was back in his life, like a dry well slowly
filling with water. Every time that Duo laughed, each time he took his hand or
made a silly joke while they should have been studying, Heero�s heart faltered.
It was a different feeling from the one he got during the war. Between
fighting, all he sought was a friend and a shoulder to lean on. Now that he had
that in life, his feelings
towards Duo were taking a different shade. He found himself seeking other things,
beyond friendship. He didn�t know how to define these feelings, he didn�t know
their name or their meaning, but he knew that they made his heart beat faster
each time they flooded him. He felt ten times greater when Duo was near. He
felt bigger from the inside, as though he�s about to burst. The heat inside him
was sometimes unbearable. He wished he knew what to do about it, because
sometimes it didn�t even let him sleep at night.

Duo occupied his every thought, his every heartbeat.

Sometimes, lying awake in his bed in the middle of the
night, Heero smiled at a small and silly thought. Sometimes he smiled because
he thought he was in love with Duo. It was a stupid
thing to presume. He could never be sure if it was love that he was feeling,
but the thought made him smile nonetheless. Instead of dreaming about blood and
death, instead of having psychotic visions of being stalked or tortured and
raped, he would fantasize of what it could be like... what would life be like
if he was with Duo. When he did fall asleep, it would be peacefully and with
ease. A smile graced his face more often.

After a few weeks of being
reunited with his best friend, Heero began to notice another strange feeling.
There was tension in the air. Sizzling and intense like electricity. At first
he thought he was imagining it, but the feeling proved to be more real than
anything he could have imagined. There was a certain tension between them, in
every look, in every �accidental� or casual contact between them. Something was
going on, something cooking in the air around them, and he had no idea what.
There were long stares, hidden glances and a small brush of a hand over his
skin even when it was unneeded. He found himself moving his chair closer to
Duo�s when they sat together in theraryrary. He would get edgy and even cranky
if they were unable
to meet for some reason. He missed Duo when they separated. He could also see
the relief on Duo�s face when they finally did meet, like he had been yearning
for it too.

He once spoke of these feelings with Nora, asking her for
advice. They were sitting in her apartment with their regular afternoon tea,
and Heero blushed as he spoke of these feelings. He felt embarrassed talking
about them, but he needed to hear what she had to say about it. Much to his
disappointment, Nora just smiled knowingly and sipped her tea. She promised him
that all will be fine in time, and just kept smiling. He knew that she wasn�t
mocking him, but it drove him crazy because he knew that there was something
that she wasn�t telling him. That day he found it particularly hard to
concentrate on his assignments.

He had been facing this difficulty all week long, being
unable to focus on his studying, so he decided to take a break from the world
and find sanctuary in the library. He called Nora and told her that he will not
be coming over for dinner that night. Duo was still in class, as he would be
until later that evening, so Heero determined that it was a good opportunity to
get some work done. He couldn�t afford any more nightly excursions to some
movie or pub. He had finales coming up!

It was half past nine PM and the library was rather empty.
Harcourt Brace Library was a grand and luxurious hall. Its tall dome-shaped
ceiling stood high and proud above the structure, overlooking the maze of
shelves. Tall shelves were attached to every wall, packed with a colorful
display of books. Between every few shelves there was a small spiral staircase
or a ladder. Inside the large structure was a forest of bookshelves. They
towered over the red carpet that covered the whole floor, arranged in tidy rows
and columns. The selection of books was unheard of, there were so many books
that one could spend a lifetime inside the library and still not have read them
all. Between every section of bookshelves was a quiet corner for the students
to sit down and study. Heavy wooden tables and comfortable chairs were
stationed for the students. The polished wood shone under the warm orange light
the illuminated the library. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, comfortable to
sit down and read. A heavy silence ruled the library, but it was a pleasant and
calming kind of silence. The kind that allowed you to relax and learn.

Heero was sitting quietly by one of the bulky wooden
tables, about three open books in front of him and two more thick books sitting
in a pile on the table. He had his yellow notepad in front of him, three
pencils, an eraser and a sharpener. He was sitting by the Social Sciences
section, buried in his psychology assignments. Each polished table had a small
desk-lamp on it, providing a soft orange light for the reader. The warm ginger
light washed over Heero�s features, creating soft shadows on his concentrated
face. His blue eyes were focused on the text he was reading, his lips a thin
line as he tried to absorb what he was reading.

His mind insisted to keep wandering all the time,
reminding him of the good time Duo and he had at the local theme park that
weekend. Each time he recalled the roller-coaster ride, the way Duo�s hair
flapped wildly in the wind as the coaster cut through the air, he had to shake
his head and re-read the paragraph. It was taking him too much time to read a
single chapter. As if to tease him, his mind reminded him of how they both got
soaking wet in the water-slide ride, and Duo�s white shirt suddenly became
transparent and extremely tight around his torso. He had such a taut, muscular
torso...

Heero snorted and rolled his eyes. He was hopeless, God
damn him. He was shameless AND hopeless! He couldn�t make it through one page
without thinking about Duo. He will never pass the finales if he�ll keep this
up.

Taking a deep breath, Heero cleared his mind and turned
the page. A new chapter, a fresh start. He was going to read this one without a
SINGLE distracting thought, or his name isn�t Heero Yuy!

With that determination Heero stretched in his chair,
leaned back towards the book and began reading:

�Chapter 10: Basic Drives and
Motives. Part 4- SEX.�

Heero groaned and rolled his eyes. Just his rotten luck.
And he thought that the previous part- HUNGER � was bad enough...

Sighing, he started reading.

�Sex, another powerful
motivator, differs in many respects from hunger.� [ii]

You can say that again, Heero thought sarcastically.

�Unlike food, sex is not vital
to the survival of the organism, but it is essential to the survival of the
species...�

Maybe it was the topic, or maybe his sense of
determination, but soon enough Heero was absorbed in the book. He read it
without any diversions, reading swiftly through �Biological basis of sexual
behavior� to �The role of experience�, �Sexual fantasies� and �Sexual
development�, until he made a full stop at the next section- �Homosexuality�.

There he halted, taking a
moment to breathe. He drew away from the book, as if distancing himself from
the inconvenience would somehow help. It didn�t. He found himself staring at
the title, feeling guilty of even being alive.

�Heya, partner.� A soft voice
came to his ears, breaking the murky glass that suddenly surrounded his mind. Heero blinked and
looked up. He smiled when he saw Duo standing by his chair, chewing gum. He was
wearing a dark blue sweater with a white turtleneck shirt, and a raggedckpackpack over his shoulder. A few of his bangs were curling at the side of his
face, imitating each movement of his head. He smiled warmly at Heero, resting
his hand on the back of Heero�s chair.

�Surprise.� He said with a wink, still chewing his gum.
His eyes quickly ran up and down Heero�s figure, and a warm smile spread on his
features as he noted thest tst two buttons of Heero�s white shirt were open,
revealing a hint of his well-toned chest. He brought his gaze back to meet
Heero�s eyes, his gaze making another small detour to survey how the light
reflected off Heero�s messy chocolate bangs.

�What are you doing here?� Heero asked, following Duo with
his gaze as boy boy took a seat across of him, at the other side of the table.
He threw his backpack to the floor and shrugged.

�My last class got canceled. Dr. Hendrix is sick or
something.� He replied casually, bending down to draw some books out of his
bag.

Placing his books on the table, Duo turned to face him
with a knowing smile. �I took a gamble.�

Heero smiled in return,
feeling a little better than he had a moment ago. If Duo was here, he didn�t
have to feel so bad about the damn book. He didn�t know why he felt so guilty
in the first place. He took a few moments to watch Duo as he arranged his books
and his notebook, taking the time to appreciate the way the dim orange light
touched Duo�s hair. The lush chestnut strings shone under the light as Duo
casually ran a hand through his bangs, pushing them backward. He was already
leaning over a thick book, absorbed in reading it. There was a focused and
serious expression on his face. He was chewing his gum slower, concentrating on
every word.

Heero smiled affectionately
and returned to his own book. There was a pleasant silence between them as both
young men ied.ied.

�Until recently, homosexuality
was considered a �mental illness� or an abnormal perversion. Although many
people still view homosexuality as un-natural, most psychologists and
psychiatrists consider it to be a variant rather than a perversion of sexual
expression and not, in itself, an indication or cause of mental illness.�

mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>[i]
According to Quatre�s chapter in the Episode Zero manga, it was illegal to have
children except of test-tubes babies up until AC 100 because it was dangerous
to women (the space environment caused many complications in the reproduction
system). It also mentions that even though the problem was eventually solved,
some women still experienced abnormalities in their pregnancy, hence it was a
risk to have a child in a normal, natural, way.

[ii] This
quote and all of the following quotes mentioned here are taken from:
Introduction to Psychology, Eighth Edition. By Rita L. Atkinson, Richard C.
Atkinson (University of California, San-Diego) and Ernest R. Hilgard (Stanford University).
Published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich INC. 1981. --> The book is old, so
take in mind that there were probably a LOT of new studies conducted since
then. Psychology is not an accurate science. Theories are renewed all the time.
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Behind Blue Eyes