Live Without You?

Without futher ado...

Heero’s first day of class ended without incident. Well other than the initial panic attack after 1st period when Duo and Heero had to go their separate ways for an hour until the next class. The ‘hallways’ of the school were concrete sidewalks with awnings over them and open to the elements. The classes were clustered in buildings; all the science, math, English and so forth each had their own building. Duo had pinned Heero against a wall of metal lockers to keep him from sinking to the ground or running away. His arms fastened out to either side of him by Duo’s strong hands.

“Heero listen to me you have to go to class. If you don’t you’ll get kicked out.” Duo argued. Heero just gave him another silent, fearful look. “I can do this on my own if you want me to, but I’d rather not. I’d rather have my partner and friend beside me to watch my back and keep me company. But if you really think you can’t handle this mission then I’ll set up a place for you to go.” Duo whispered lowly in his ear.

“I’m fine.” Heero growled out finally, his face a detached mask.

“That’s the Heero I know and don’t ever want to see again.” Duo said only half jokingly. “You can’t pick and choose which emotions you feel, Heero.” His joker’s face became solemn. “You either feel all of them or you feel none of them. But I want you to be able to deal with them whatever you want to do.” Duo looked him square in the eye. “I hope you decide to keep your emotions around. I kinda like seeing you smile.” He said softly as he released Heero’s arms and brushed his fingers gently against the other’s cheeks. He leaned down quickly towards the shorter boy and locked lips with him in a searing kiss before pulling back and declaring a little breathlessly, “I also really, really like kissing you.” Then he released the shorter pilot and rushed to his next class. Heero slumped against the lockers a little dazed. He brushed his fingertips across his still moist lips. A small secret smile spread across his face and warmth filled his frame.
*Duo really does still like me! He’s not disgusted by me, he doesn’t see me as tainted, he still wants to be my friend.* Heero thought to himself as the smile widened. Heero moved off to his next class as if traveling on clouds.

Heero took his seat at a desk after being introduced to the class.
“Sooo, what was your name again?” a male student asked as he threw an arm causally around Heero’s shoulders. Heero shuddered at the contact and waited for the all too familiar panic to well up…but it didn’t Heero cast a disdainful glance at the boy in the desk next to his. He was all right looking, but obviously wasn’t in as good a shape as he could be. *I could kill him before anyone yelled ‘gun!’* Heero thought to himself. *In fact I could kill everyone here with no trouble at all. The only people I have to truly worry about are Oz. That doesn’t mean I’ll let my guard down, but…I don’t have to panic when someone touches me. I can be like I used to be and just beat them up.* Heero thought almost happily.

“Heero Yuy. Don’t touch me.” he said in an even voice and pushed the boy’s arm away.

“K. Sorry.” said the other. “I’m Derrick by the way.”

“Nice to met you.” Heero intoned and wondered why he bothered.

“So you’re new here, huh?” Derrick continued. A curly, red-haired girl nearby giggled and leaned over to talk to her friend in a hushed whisper.

“Hn.” Heero answered with a derisive snort.

“Wanna come to a party with me tonight?” Derrick continued happily. Heero turned his head slowly to face the boy on his left. He blinked in disbelief. He’d never been to a party before, he could take Duo, Duo would enjoy it. Heero almost smiled at the thought.

“What time?” Heero asked.

“Ten. There’ll be food and drinks and it would be a good a way to get to know people, they can get to know you, I can get to know you, you can get to know me.” He said hurriedly blushing a bright red. Heero snorted again.

“I’m bringing my roommate.” Heero told him.

“Sure bring whoever you want.” Derrick told him happily. “I’ll met you after school we can hang out before then. What’s your last class?”

“Fine.” Heero agreed. “Drama, but I won’t be done until around four, I have extra classes.” Heero told him.

“Oooo, Emo I love that.” Derrick purred happily.
*What the hell does that mean!?* Heero asked himself. He actually looked at the boy next to him for the first time. He was slim, wore all black, what Duo had called…bonding?…yes that was it. Bonding pants, his nails were black, his hair was black, his makeup…makeup?…was black, right down to his black lipstick and purplish-black eye shadow.
*I wonder if eye shadow would look good on Duo?* Heero started. *Why am I wondering if Duo will look ‘good’ in anything, much less eye shadow! Heero you are losing your friggin’ mind!* Realizing what he’d said to himself, he heaved a sigh. *Too much time with Maxwell* he scolded himself. Then realized that he didn’t actually think that it was possible to get ‘too much’ of Duo Maxwell. Heero tilted his head to the side thinking about the braided boy. He was aware of everything around him, but was focused inward on his thoughts. He almost heaved small sigh when he thought about Duo kissing him in the hallway, but stopped himself just in time. *Duo likes me.* Heero’s toes almost curled and he had NO CLUE why that felt good. He just knew that Duo wasn’t disgusted by him and still wanted to be his friend and that made him…happy. His face was as impassive as ever, but his eyes shown with something akin to joy.
Heero realized that that Derrick kid was still purring and smiling at him.

“Huh, what are we doing?” Derrick asked suddenly as the rest of the class stood.

“Dissecting a frog.” Heero told him evenly as he went to get his supplies and preserved frog. Heero laid out the work sheet next to his station, ignoring the squeals and green looks from the rest of the class as they reluctantly got their projects. There was an odd number of students so Heero got to work alone, which he was eternally grateful for. Placing a latex glove on his right hand, Heero wrote the name of each organ on the diagram of a frog with his left hand. Then he started to cut the frog open and lay the organs in a neat row next to it. He realized that he was going to finish way ahead of everyone else, so he just cut out all the organs instead of just the ones listed. He drew them where they belonged. He snapped the glove off inside out when he was done with a sigh. This was what…his 11th or 12th frog dissection in less than nine months. Most of the rest of the class hadn’t even started yet, it had already been a good fifteen minutes. Heero was…bored. He began writing what the different organs did and a visual description of each, including color and texture, in the space that remained. There he’d wasted like five minutes. He still felt…bored. *When have I ever been bored before? Too much time with Duo.* He thought happily. Heero turned the worksheet over and began a compare and contrast between the organs of a frog and the organs of a human.
There, forcing himself to write extremely slow Heero now only had thirty minutes of class left. He got another sheet of paper and drew the skeletal and musculature structure. Fifteen minutes later, after drumming his fingers on the cold black counter for a good five, Heero was relieved to hear the teacher call for everyone to hand in their work and clean up their messes. The bell finally rang and Heero through his book bag over one should and hurried from the classroom.

“Bye Heero see you in the Drama room after 4.” Derrick called over his shoulder as he wandered away dreamily.

“You okay Derrick.” The curly red head asked as she pulled along side her friend.

“Miranda I have got it bad.” He said vaguely and the girl shook her head. Derrick always ‘had it bad’ for someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the next class started Duo was so surprised to see Heero relaxed (as relaxed as he ever got) that he couldn’t come out with a complete sentence at first, he just stuttered.
“So you’re alright?” he asked just to confirm.

“Yes Duo I am fine.” Heero told him.

“That was an entire sentence!” Duo exclaimed excitedly then grew somber. “Have you been brainwashed?” Heero threw him a look that said in no uncertain terms he thought there was no hope for his friend.

“After our class with Whitworth we’re going to a party.” Heero informed him. “We’re going to talk to the students about the suspects.”

“And have fun right?” Duo asked poutily.[1] He was glad that Heero was being more himself and taking charge again.

“As if I could stop you, you think making paper snowflakes is fun.” Heero said with a snort.

“Hey! Making paper snowflakes IS fun.” Duo argued.

“No, it’s inane.” Heero told him shaking his head.

“Then why did you make them with me for like an hour?” Duo questioned triumphantly.

“Because you wanted me to, and I was enjoying it because it was with you.” Heero said softly as they walked. Duo slipped an arm easily around the shorter boy’s waist and pulled him close.

“I enjoyed it too.” He said and placed a kiss on the top of Heero’s ragged locks. “Can I ask why you’re okay?” Duo wondered hesitantly.

“I realized that I trust you, if I were in danger you’d be trying to get me away from here or at the very least tell me. Plus I realized I can kill anyone here who isn’t a suspect with little or no trouble.” He said evenly as they walked along.

“Well that’s good I suppose.” Duo said laughingly. “How did we get invited to a party?” He asked.

“A classmate asked me and I said I was bringing you. He wants to meet us after our classes to ‘hang out’ as he put it. I figured you’d want to get to know him while I do some research.” Heero told him. His voice was even, almost emotionless, but the warmth of his arm slinked around Duo’s waist told the braided boy that there was nothing of the Soldier speaking at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well this is getting us nowhere fast.” Duo complained after twenty minutes.

“I’m sorry.” Heero replied timidly.

“No babe it’s not your fault.” Duo said mentally kicking himself.

“Heero if you won’t talk to me, then I can’t help you.” Dr. Whitworth said for like the seventh time and pushed his glasses up off the bridge of his nose to rub at it tiredly. “I don’t expect you to tell me everything, but you have to tell me something, even if it’s something small.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Heero whispered for like the umpteenth million time.

“What about Duo, will you talk to Duo?” He asked.

“Yes.” Heero replied without hesitation.

“Okay good, if I give you a tape recorder will you talk to Duo and then let me listen to it so I can help Duo to help you?” He asked hopefully.

+I don’t like the thought of someone having my voice on file.+ Heero argued.

+We’ll take the tapes with us when we leave.+ Duo assured him.

+I don’t even think this is worth the time.+ Heero said grumpily.

+You haven’t even tried! Look we’ll do the tape thing and take them with us when we go.+ Duo said ending the argument.

“Fine.” Heero said.

“Good.” Whitworth said rising to his feet. He left the room and came back with a small pocket tape recorder and a few blank tapes. “I don’t care what you talk about, but I’d prefer it was about what happened to you, but we can always get to that later.”

“Fine.” Heero intoned and headed to the door as Duo took the recorder.

“Duo can I talk to you a moment alone?” Whitworth asked. Heero hesitated at the door looking back to Duo. Duo cocked an eyebrow at him silently and Heero shook his head silently with a smile creeping into his eyes, although it didn’t show on his face. Heero walked out the door without looking back again.

“I’d like you to tell me what you can about Heero for just a few minutes if you would. You know him and I can’t help him unless I know something about him. What kind of person is he? What does he like? What’s he hate? What’s he afraid of? Favorite color? Anything!” Dr. Whitworth said in exasperation.

“Heero? Oh…um…Heero is Heero. Ya know.” Duo said evasively. Whitworth just looked at him. Duo sat back down. “Heero is…one of the strongest people I’ve ever met in my life. He’s tougher than nails and meaner than hell. He automatically distrusts everyone he meets and that’s on a good day. Catch him at a bad time and he hates you. His trust is hard to gain, but when he does trust you it’s with his entire being. Heero would let me throw knives at him and not worry about me hitting him. I would die rather than hurt him and he knows it. But under it all he’s…still just a kid. He hurts inside, he gets scared, he gets angry, he gets sad, he gets happy and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.” Duo said knowing he was rambling.

“He doesn’t know how to deal with being happy?” Whitworth asked.

“No he…his guardian doesn’t approve of strong emotions. You always have to be in control of yourself and I always try my best to make him lose control. I aggravate him, I poke at him and mess with him until he’s ready to kill me, I take him places he’s never been and I try to get him to smile. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him sometimes. I…I worry that he’ll succeed in locking away all his emotions and he’ll just be dead. You can’t live and not feel! That’s just existing, not living. I’m worried he won’t be my friend anymore.” Duo said quietly. *What in the hell is wrong with me? When did I start talking to total strangers about my feelings? Oh well, I guess that’s why I’m here, it can’t hurt right? But wow, it did hurt. I can’t imagine Heero not being my friend.* A vision of Heero’s cold impassive face swam in his mind’s eye, the Soldier’s face. *Yes I can. And it hurts. A lot. How can I live without Heero?*

“The two of you seem very close. I’ve noticed that you don’t even have to talk to each other all the time to communicate.” Dr. Whitworth commented. Duo brought himself back to reality, trying to calm his racing heart. “Did you know Japanese, it is Japanese right, before you met Heero or after?”

“Yes its Japanese and he taught me, although at the time I thought I wasn’t going to make it out of his classes alive. I thought he was going to kill me.” Duo said laughingly. *That’s right cover the scars, cover the wounds with a laugh.* His smile never slipped an inch. “He made me speak nothing but Japanese until I could speak it flawlessly for a week, he wouldn’t even let me watch T.V. unless it was spoken in Japanese.”

“Well I think that you’re a very good influence on him from what you’ve told me.” Whitworth told Duo. Duo’s mouth hung open. “What?” He asked.

“I’ve just never been a good influence before.” Duo said in awe. Whitworth laughed merrily.

“Then I guess this is your first. Bring the tapes by within the next two days, we’ll start another meeting after I have a chance to listen to them.” Whitworth instructed. Duo nodded his understanding. “Send Heero in for just a moment.” Duo looked at him a moment then nodded again.

“Heeerrooo!” Duo shouted shrilly as he stuck his head out of the door. “Mr. Whitworth wants to see you!” He sang merrily.

“Fine.” Heero said moving toward the door from just a few yards away.

“Try to be nice.” Duo taunted as he brushed by his friend.

“Hn.” Heero replied.
*I CANNOT STAND IT when he looks like that!!!* Duo yelled to himself. *That fucking deadpan, emotionless, uncaring fucking Soldier!!*

“Aaawww, don’t be like that. Come ‘ere, gimme a hug.” Duo shouted and pulled against Heero and the shorter boy pushed him away blushing as Whitworth stood in the doorway.

“Duo!” he growled. Duo pounced on the unfortunate Heero and pinned his arms to his sides by wrapping an arm of his own around the other boy’s torso.

“Come on ‘Ro just one little kiss.” Duo begged batting his lashes. Heero’s face burned.
*That’s it Heero give me something. Anything please! Just don’t look at me with those fucking dead inside eyes.* Duo begged inside his head.

“Shimatta! Duo!! Houchi! [2]” Heero yelled loudly. “Omae o korosu!” Duo just smirked at him happily the tightness in his chest dissipating some as his friend shouted.

+You know you could get away from me if you really wanted to.+ Duo commented his grin widening. A surprised look crossed Heero’s face. Duo leaned his forehead against Heero’s and closed his eyes. +He asked me some stuff about you. I told him you were a stubborn dick that hated everyone.+ Duo’s voice became serious suddenly. +I told him I was worried about you. That you wouldn’t be my friend anymore. You could get away if you wanted to. I could never hold you and that scares me, I don’t want to lose you.+ Duo said. Tears trickled from the corners of his eyes. Heero pried his arms lose and wrapped them around his friend. +And I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I…I can’t not tell you. I know why you do what you do, we all do the same thing in our own ways, but we always put it aside. It’s not who we are. And I know that you try to be like other people sometimes, I know you do it mostly for me and I know that it’s not who you really are! I don’t want to change you, I just want you to not lock out all your emotions, because if you do…if you do you’ll lock out everyone. Including me and I don’t want to lose you to that Perfect fucking Soldier!+ Duo was crying now in a series of hiccupping-sobs. +Because you keep (hic) keep pushing down what you feel and who you are and I can feel (hic) you slipping away. And one day I’m afraid that you really (hic) will be the Perfect Soldier and not my Heero anymore!+ Duo wailed into Heero’s shoulder. Heero tightened his arms around the taller boys and ran his hand under his shirt to touch his skin.

“Duo I am not going to leave you. You’re my best friend, my partner. I couldn’t leave you if I wanted to.” Heero said jokingly. Duo looked up to stare into the sky. “What?” Heero asked looking up as well.

“I’m waiting for the Apocalypse. That’s two jokes in the same week.” Duo said.

“Baka.” Heero said without meaning it. “Do you know what Whitworth wants?” He asked suddenly.

“Whitworth! Shit! Here I am balling…god damn it!” Duo cussed loudly and pulled away from Heero.

“Its…cute…” Heero stated and kept a hold of Duo for a moment longer before releasing him. Heero turned toward the teacher’s classroom. The tall man was standing in the doorway still, smiling good-naturedly. Duo was floored. *Did Heero Yuy just use the word cute! In a sentence!*

“Forget it Heero. I’ll see you tomorrow. You guys have a good night.” He wished them still smiling and turned around without further comment. Heero shrugged and took Duo by the hand and starting walking towards their dorm.

*Heero is holding my hand.* Duo thought dreamily and fought not to sigh. They walked through a small alley between the old library and the new one, it was shorter than going around. They’d had to build a new library to house all the books and media items that had be donated.

*A dark alley, walking alone at dusk, Heero dragging me along…could this scream ‘make out moment’ any louder?* Duo thought wickedly. He pulled Heero to a stop and quickly pressed him against the side of one of the buildings with his body. Duo felt Heero tremble as he leaned in slowly to press against the moist lips below him. Heero tongue slipped out shyly and licked against Duo’s bottom lip. It was Duo’s turn to shiver a moment and then he pulled back, breaking the kiss.

Heero stared up into his eyes in wonder. He never realized that something so small could feel so nice? appealing? good? Yes that was it, it felt good. It felt right somehow.
“Did you know that you’re eyes change color?” Heero breathed softly. Duo looked surprised. “They’re darker just now. They were lighter earlier.” Heero told him.

“Maybe it’s just the light.” Duo commented.

“No they did it earlier too. The first time we kissed.” Heero said a little breathlessly. *Why would thinking about that make me lose my breath?* He wondered. ~Because it feels really, really good.~ He answered himself in exasperation. “Lets get back.”

When they arrived at their room two young men wearing all black stood leaning against the door to their building.

“Heero there you are. We went to get you but Mr. Whitworth told us you were already gone so we came here.” A voice called. Duo raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Duo, Derrick.” Heero said by way of explanation as they approached.

“Heero…um…Duo this is Rocco. He’s the one throwing the party tonight.” Derrick told them. Rocco, also a skinny goth boy, waved neutrally at Heero. However his eyes fastened onto Duo and stayed there. Duo didn’t seem to notice, but Heero did.

Duo was proud of himself for not scowling or even better beating someone up. This ‘Derrick’ kid was practically panting at a Heero. They headed upstairs to the second floor common room and plopped onto a couch. Derrick, Heero, Duo, and Rocco all say next to each other. They talked a moment about whatever came to mind, in between Duo throwing dirty looks at Derrick and Heero throwing them at Rocco. Rocco’s hand rested on Duo’s arm as he was speaking and stayed there. Heero wanted to break that hand, he wanted to crush it into oblivion. He suppressed a low growl. *Why do I feel like this? I shouldn’t care if someone puts their hand on Duo’s arm.* Rocco began running his hand up and down Duo’s arm slowly. Heero really wanted to blow something up just then. *Why doesn’t Duo do something about that…that…jerk!* Heero looked at Duo and was surprised to find barely contained smoldering rage in his violet depths, all of his repressed anger aimed at…Derrick? Heero realized he had no clue what anyone was talking about anymore and didn’t care. *Why is he mad at Derrick?* Heero asked himself. Heero shifted slightly on the couch and realized that Derrick was slipping his hand underneath the back of Heero’s shirt. Heero watched a muscle in Duo’s cheek flutter and then lay still. Duo closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them they were dark bluish-purple, Shinigami waited in those eyes. Heero saw Rocco leaning forward toward the back of Duo’s neck, his lips parted as if to bestow a kiss. Heero did growl loudly this time and both of the other boy’s froze. Rocco raised startled eyes to Heero’s; he leaned away from Duo’s neck slowly at the look in those hard, blue eyes. Heero’s gaze flicked to the hand still resting on Duo’s arm and it was quickly removed.

“Derrick…” Duo said sweetly. “I realized we just met and all but if you don’t take your hand off of MY Heero I will remove it for you.” He said smiling. Derrick eased away from Heero slowly. Prussian blue met dark purple as they looked into each other’s eyes. Duo snorted suddenly and started laughing. Heero smirked as well. Duo opened his eyes and they were their normal violet again.

“Listen we have some homework to do. We’ll see you at the party if that’s still okay.” Duo said laughingly and pulled Heero from the couch.

“Sure see you there.” Rocco said evenly without looking at Duo.
“Bye.” Derrick said as they left. “So Rocco you wanna go to my place and kill a little time before the party? No sense in us getting all worked up and staying that way?” Rocco smiled widely and they left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They went to the party and surprisingly the students had some very interesting information on their subjects. This mission was going to be a lot easier than they thought.

“Hey.” Heero turned to face the person talking to him and didn’t bother to hide his frown. “I’m sorry if we offended you guys earlier. I didn’t mean to hit on your boyfriend, so no hard feelings huh?” Rocco said hopefully. Heero nodded his head suddenly unable to speak. Rocco wandered off leaving Heero in the dark corner he’d found.

*Boyfriend?!* Heero repeated silently in shock. The only person he’d ever know to have a boyfriend was Relena and she told him later it was to make him jealous. He didn’t understand ‘jealous’

‘It’s when someone else is with the person you like and want to be with so you get mad at the other person so that you can be with the one you really like.’ She explained to him. He’d thought she was crazy, hell he still did, but…*Was I jealous earlier? Was Duo? He was certainly pissed off.* For some reason that made a little flutter in Heero’s chest. *If he was jealous does that mean he wants to be my…boyfriend? Can guys have boyfriends? Do I want to be his, I was mad too. Hell I still feel mad if I think about it too much. I really like Duo. A lot. He’s my friend, my best friend and my partner. I like kissing him, which Relena said she did with her boyfriend, even though I didn’t know what that was at the time, I like being near him, I like…touching him, which Relena did a lot with her boyfriend.* Heero stood for a long moment thinking over the information he had. *Duo and I must be boyfriends and I’ve just missed it. He could have at least told me he knows I’m not good with social things. What am I supposed to do I wonder? I want to do ‘something nice’ yes that’s what Relena said her boyfriend was going to do for her. ‘Something nice’?* He thought. He grabbed the arm of a girl passing by.

“What is something nice your boyfriend does for you?” He asked bluntly.

“Well if you must know, he lets me wear his clothes.” She told him and jerked her arm back affronted.

“I’m new to this ‘boyfriend’ thing.” Heero said by way of explanation as his frown deepened at his lack of knowledge on this subject. “The baka already steals my clothes all the time.” Her look turned from aggravated to joyful. Heero’s heart sank for some reason he couldn’t quite identify.

“Congrats. You can also get flowers or candy or a stuffed animal or a nice dinner or…”
(A few minutes later)
“…Or my boyfriend before Charlie, he took me on a nice walk on the beach once, Jason wrote me a song. Chris gave me a full body massage, I’m sure you can guess where that lead.” She giggled here and Heero had on idea why. “Ooo cards are always nice or perfume or…” Heero walked away. *What have I gotten into? I didn’t even know I had a boyfriend until just a few minutes ago and already its very complicated. Leave it to Duo!* Heero was grumpy now and it was Duo’s fault; he was going to find Duo and drag him off they’d been here and hour and if he couldn’t find any information in that time, oh well. *What the hell would someone do with all those things anyway? Damn asinine baka!* Heero turned a corner into another room and saw Duo in the middle of a crowd of laughing people. His long braid trailed passed his butt, his eyes sparkled as he laughed with those around him. Duo felt his gaze and turned to him. He smiled at Heero and it went straight to his heart. *Oh god he’s so worth it, every last thing.* he thought without meaning to. *He really does look good in black. I…I think I love him.* Heero realized with a start.
~How can you love anyone? You’re the Perfect Soldier.~ he argued with himself bitterly.
*I just do. I love Duo Maxwell.* he thought with an almost content sigh. Then frowned. *Duo’s my friend he’d never love me on those grounds alone, not to mention the war. We were only meant to be friends.* Sadness clutched at Heero’s heart. As soon as he found love it was gone. *What did you expected, you’re socially inept. You’re tainted. But I want to be with Duo. Why do I feel like I’m going to cry?* Heero turned and left the room. He headed outside away from all the people and lights and noise. Pressing his back against a tree he slid to the ground. *He makes me happy. I don’t remember ever being happy before, except when I do well on missions. But when he looks at me its like a thousand times better. I feel like my bones are melting and it’s a good thing. I…just want to be him.* Heero thought sadly. He leaned his head against his knees and cried. *I can’t love him! I just can’t! I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to make him unhappy or worry him and I know he is when he’s around me. I know he feels he has to take care of me, although I don’t understand why.* Heero sobbed hard. *But I want to be near him so badly it’s almost like a physical need, like air or water. But I’m the Perfect Soldier, but I…want to be his boyfriend. I…want to be near him.*

“Heero?” a soft voice called. His head snapped up to see Duo approaching him. Heero looked at him with wide, tear glazed eyes. “Heero are you alright?” Duo asked softly as Heero stood to his feet. Duo reached to pull Heero against his body. Heero shifted backwards away from him. Duo looked shocked.

“Heero?” Duo asked again.

“I like you.” Heero mumbled.

“Okay well I like you too.” Duo said putting his hands on his hips and cocking an eyebrow at his friend’s odd behavior.

“I can’t like you because I’m the Perfect Soldier.” Heero explained hesitantly. He watched appalled as tears welled up in Duo’s eyes and crested over his pale cheeks.
*I…I made Duo cry.* Heero wanted to die just then. *I think this is guilt.*

“Oh Heero I don’t want you to stop liking me. I know that you’re pretty fucked up cause-a J, hell we’re all really fucked in the head, but I think that you are most of all. What the hell do they expect you to do when the war is over? How are you supposed to live a normal life if you can’t deal with normal emotions!?”

“I’m not supposed to survive the war.” Heero stated as if he were commenting on the weather.

“What?” Duo asked his voice deadpan.

“Technically, perfection is unattainable.” Heero remarked bitterly. The fact that he wasn’t ‘Perfect’ truly did bother him. “There is always the chance that circumstances will work out against me. I have a 0.05% chance of dying before the war is over and a 0.0014% chance of dying before I’ve completed enough missions to ensure our victory.” Heero told the braided boy.

“You have got to be kidding me?” Duo practically shouted. Heero ignored him, just kept talking.

“I always wanted to die before the war was over, but…” He trailed off and turned to face Duo fully. “Now I don’t think I want to anymore. I…want to stay with you.” He whispered unsure. “And I realized that I want to know more about you. I realize that I want to know more about the part of me that you…soothe.” Heero said holding his hand out to his friend hesitantly. Duo took it just as unsure as the shorter boy. He gave a smile to his friend. It was a small smile, slightly uncertain and worried. It showed more of Duo than anything he wore with his joker’s mask.

~~~~~~~~They made their way back to their room in a comfortable silence. Heero slipped into a pair of boxers and started to climb into the bed the two of them had decided to share. Duo held the blankets still in Heero’s hands and then slid the boxers off Heero’s tiny frame in silence. Heero stared up at him a moment then lay down on the bed tensely.
He tried not to shiver as he lay under the blankets with his eyes closed, listening to Duo meander about in the already dark room getting ready for bed. He felt the warm body of Duo slip under the blankets with all the quietness of the thief he was. The length of Duo’s body pressed against Heero’s side gently, skin to skin contact tingling all along his frame. Duo threw one long leg overtop of Heero’s and wrapped an arm about his thin waist as he rolled onto his stomach. Heero let out a gasp of surprise as he felt Duo press against him.
“You alright Hee-chan?” Duo asked. Heero lay still a minute getting used to the feel of Duo’s skin pressed against all of his and the weight pressing down on him. He didn’t actually mind even though Duo was practically lying on top of him.

“Yes, I’m fine.” He said after a moment and relaxed.

“We have got to put some weight on you Hee-chan.” Duo muttered sleepily as he ran his thumb along Heero’s left side.
Together the two of them drifted off to sleep. Arms and legs entangled around one another, bodies pressed close.

----“Sit boy.” A cold voice commanded. Heero ignored the blond man speaking to him. A hard fist sank into his stomach eliciting a soft ‘oaf’ from him. “I said sit, mesuinu!”[3] The man pushed him to his knees roughly. “What’s your name?” Heero didn’t answer. “Mesuinu it is then. You I’m going to have a good time with.” He knelt and deftly cut Heero’s clothes from his body, pulling the shreds away. “You don’t need these clothes, but we’ll keep your gun and laptop. Put your arms in front of you.” He commanded. Heero glared at him in silence a moment then slipped his hands underneath him from behind where the were clasped in Gundamium handcuffs. The man pinned his arms above his head pressing him against the dirt beneath him. Heero tried to lash out with his leg couldn’t get enough room between them to do any damage. “Hold him,” the man commanded and two other soldiers grabbed his arms and legs and held him down. The blond man stripped his own clothes off and lay between Heero’s spread thighs. “Oh, I am going to enjoy you.” he panted as he leaned over Heero’s body and looked into his eyes. Heero felt something press against the opening of his body and confusion flicked across his deep blue eyes. “You have no idea do you?” The man asked in a husky voice. He pushed quickly against Heero’s body, burying himself to the hilt in one violent thrust. Heero cried out against the pain as the man pounded against driving into him over and over again. He tried to fight against it, he tried to ignore it but he couldn’t. Heero shut his eyes tight confused by the tears that trickled down his cheeks.
“Teiryuu!” [4] He demanded trying to keep his voice flat, but failing. He couldn’t kept his breathing even anymore, he felt his temperature rising. He was slowly losing the extensive control he had over his body. A sob broke from his chest and then another. He tried to buck the man off of him; he only smiled at the small boy’s attempts. “Iie! Stop!” Heero shouted.----

Heero woke screaming. “Mochi kizu touhou!”[5]

“Shh, shh it’s okay baby it’s okay.” Duo tried to sooth his friend.

“Iie, Iie! Inasu! Teiryuu!” [6]Heero sobbed pulling away from him.

“Heero it’s okay. Heero stop.” Duo rocked Heero in his arms as the other boy sobbed violently in Japanese, probably because it was his original language. Slowly the other boy began to calm as he realized that the person holding him wasn’t going to hurt him. His hand snaked out pulled Duo’s long braid to his chest when he realized whom it was that held him. Duo quietly disentangled Heero’s fingers from his braid drawing a small whimper of fear from the smaller boy. “Shh.” Duo soothed. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair unwinding the tresses as he went. Heero gasped at the feel of the heavy, silken curtain brushing against his flesh and clutched it tightly. The scent of sage hovered around him. He reached out a trembling hand to twine his fingers in the fall of hair. He pressed the strands against his face and inhaled a deep shaking breath, held it for a long moment, then let if out slowly. As he exhaled he relaxed against Duo’s shoulder, winding his other arm around his friend’s waist.
“I’ve never seen you with your hair down before.” Heero commented quietly once he was finally able to speak.

“I only take it down to shower or sometimes if I’m by myself.” Duo told him softly. “And now for you.”

“Thank you. Its wonderful.” Heero whispered softly as he ran the strands through his fingers. Duo lay back on the bed and Heero crawled overtop of him, resting his head in the crook of the taller boy’s shoulder. Heero spread the silken hair over his body and Duo pulled the covers over the two of them.
They lay in silence a moment until a quiet sob stuck in Heero’s throat.
“Heero?” Duo said tensely and moved to shake his friend, thinking he’d fallen back asleep.

“I’ve…never felt this before.” Heero said quietly.

“What?” Duo replied confused.

“I’ve never felt safe like this before. I’ve never felt like no one could hurt me and I know it’s irrational. But that’s how I feel and I like it. I like being with you.” Heero said softly.

“I like being with you to Hee-chan.” Duo said contentedly.

“Derrick and Rocco think the two of us are boyfriends.” Heero said. To anyone else it would have been a simple statement, but Duo knew his Heero and he could hear the slight question in those plain words. He could hear the almost note of hope that Heero wouldn’t really let himself feel.

“We are if you want to be.” Duo said just as evenly. Heero was quiet for a few long moments.

“They hurt me.” He declared suddenly. “Duo they hurt me a lot and I don’t know…I want to be near you. I almost feel like I have to been near you. I…I think I do want to be your boyfriend…but Duo…he…he.” Heero began in shaking, unsure sentences at first and then gained strength as he recounted all that had happened to him while he’d been a prisoner. //

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[1] Not a real word by the way, poutily I mean.
www.freedict.com
[2] Means-‘leave alone’ I’m using it as ‘leave me alone’ cause I don’t know how to say that yet. Sorry this is technically wrong, but it’s close.

[3] Means – ‘Bitch’ I did look this up.

[4] Means – ‘Stop’.

[5] Means-mochi - ‘do not’, kizu - ‘hurt’, touhou - ‘me’.

[6] Means – ‘no, no! Let go! Stop!’
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My Thanks To:

nana

shadowdragon58

Mikinyet

fyer

Kari Tamayori

Who have all reviewed my story and I LOOOOVE the reviews. They make me so very squee-like << means happy.
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All Japanese to English translation were looked up on www.freedict.com
I take no credit for nor make any money any of the work that was put into this wonderful language or the most honored website that spawned these translations.