Foolish Games

Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, angst, Quatre POV, sonfic, journey through an empath's experience of the best sex ever...and all that. Oh, and a few spoilers, I think.



Pairing: 1X4 and 3X4



Rating: NC-17



Author's Notes: I actually like this chapter alot better than I thought I would. It kinda makes me think of orange n cream candies. Smooth and swirly with a hint of fruity flavor.



I wrote Quatre as an Empath, which turned to be alot of fun. If you have questions about empathy after reading this chapter, write me and I'll explain it better.



The song is Come On Closer by Jem.



Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, as much as I'd like to. I don't even own the orange n cream candies I was talking about. I might go buy some. The story is mine, the characters are not.





Joie.









Come On Closer

***



I run a hand through my tangled blonde hair and glance groggily at my sleeping lover. Trowa was only passing through town with Catherine and the circus for the week; he'd be gone in the morning.



It was 6 am, daylight beginning to creep through my bedroom window, and I am lying very still, willing time to slow. I love these perfect moments. Watching Trowa sleep, which is enchanting all by itself, but on a large bed with white sheets and large pillows, and Trowa finding my body to be a better cushion to rest his head on...



I smile and press a kiss to his forehead; brushing away the auburn-brown tendrils of hair that always seem to cover his eyes. He makes a low sound in his throat and shifts, his arm tightening around my waist, and I smirk because I know he's dreaming.



I'm staring at the perfect lines of Trowa's face, tracing them with a finger, when I heard my computer beep. Odd. I only receive direct e-mails from the Preventers for emergency use only. All other e-mails are forwarded to my secretaries, who sort and organize them, answering and deleting the less important ones, and sending the more important ones to my office for later review.



Grumbling to myself, I wiggle loose from Trowa's deadweight, sleeping embrace, hop from the bed and pad over to my computer. Instantly, Trowa is awake and alert, and I can feel him watching me even though he hasn't moved. I turn on my computer and click on the mail icon. It wasn't from the Preventers. It was a coded message and encrypted so that it would take hours for me to decode it. What the hell is going on that someone would take such care to protect a message?



Trowa is behind me and I hand him my laptop. He stares at the screen for a few seconds before his hands begin to fly over the computer keys. Periodically, he would mutter a curse, slow his typing and then, with renewed fury, pound at the keys of my laptop again.



In ten minutes, he was finished. He didn't hand back the laptop at first. He was reading and re-reading the message. I felt the confusion--and something else--rolling off of him like waves. I extended my hand and he handed me the laptop, keeping his eyes averted.



"It's from Duo," he says.



Duo?



I glance down at the computer screen in my lap. There, in stark black letters against a glaring white screen, was written: 'Q, H needs you right now. Only you. No one else. You'll know why soon. Please do this for me. I'll owe you one. ~D.'



I looked up at Trowa and he was staring off into something I couldn't see, a muscle working in his jaw. I know why Trowa does this. He doesn't look me in the eyes when he's feeling something because he's afraid I'll pull it out of him. He clings to it. He's addicted to it. I can respect that, I suppose.



I make to stand up but Trowa's hand shoots out and snags my wrist. He stares at me then and I feel it again. That thing, that 'something else', and it begins to overpower the confusion. I squint, opening myself up, trying to sort through the layers. There’s something he wants out. Something he can't tell me. Something I need to know.



There's darkness. The smell of acrid water and manure and straw and the buzz of flies and a growl--that's a lion--and another growl...not a lion. And then it's receding and I leap after it and I feel the chaffing at my wrists and fiery pleasure coursing through me and then twin violet orbs are staring at me. Bright, feverish, and yet so very, very serious. Then those orbs set themselves into a heart-shaped face I knew too well, a face drawn and grave and unsmiling. And compassionate.



I blink and pull away. Compassionate!



I'm staring at Trowa and he looks back at me with those piercing green eyes that he usually covers up with his hair. I wait.



Then Trowa begins talking. "He found me. Of course you know that. When I regained my memory...I was so angry. Mostly at myself. I..." Trowa took in a deep breath and his face grew calm again. "Duo offered me something. He offered me forgiveness. And I didn't understand why he'd do that. I destroyed his gundam."



Trowa smiled a little bit. "He punished me for it. And then he forgave me."



I nod, understanding. "How are you going to find him?"



Trowa shrugged. "By looking for him," he answered simply.



I feel the corner of my mouth tug upwards in a wry smile. "So he codes it so you would decode it. Smart."



Trowa sends me a startled glance. "Are you okay with..."



I laughed and lead him back to bed. "Just don't kill him. Duo may think he has a lot to atone for, but he doesn't, not really. And right now, you're mine."



I felt him smile against my cheek, his breath warm and gliding. I felt his teeth graze over the vein in my neck and the shiver sent down my spine was electric.



And then his mouth and hands were all over me and I closed my eyes and let him have me, his wicked tenderness soaking into me and pulling another smile from my lips. This, too, is a perfect moment I cherish.



***



The apartment Duo and Heero had shared was located on the ground level of a brick, inconspicuous building on 4th and Main in the heart of Manhattan. The commute from their apartment to the Preventer base they ran always seemed unreasonable to me...but many things about them do.



I knock on the door and it swings open. I hear Heero shouting in the back room. It's not like him to be so careless. I walked inside and shut the door behind me. I wander through the apartment, looking around me.



Everything was impeccable. Shiny and polished and smelling strongly of pine sol. Duo would have never stood for it. He's a firm believer that homes should look lived in and not like an art museum.



I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge. Tofu, ketchup, and beer. Nothing else.



I take deep breath and prepare myself to face Heero's wrath. I know he only rages to cover things up. And, strangely, Heero doesn't lose his temper often. Even though he seems dangerous and angry to a passing stranger, he's actually quite passive and very kindhearted. It's his nature.



I find him pacing in Duo's bedroom, his featured tinged with red with his fury, shouting into a cellular device.



"I am NOT unstable, Une," Heero snaps. "I want to know where Duo and my men transferred to. No, don't feed me that bullshit. He did NOT..."



Heero whirls around and points a gun at me, cocked and ready. I wait, watching him register who he's pointing a firearm at and put the pistol away. He resumes his pacing.



"I think you're lying," Heero says to Une through the cell. "What are you covering up, Une?!"



Suddenly, Heero turned bright red. "Fuck you, Une," he grates out before snapping the cell shut and throwing it across the room.



Heero runs a hand through his hair and I notice some discoloration on his jaw.



"What the hell do you want?" he snaps at me.



I ignore his question and walk up to him, taking his chin my hand and tilting his face to one side to get a better look at the bluish-purple mark swelling on the golden skin of his jaw.



//...Come on closer...//



"Duo?" I ask, pointing to the bruise.



Heero scowls at me, sending daggers at me with his eyes.



I nod. "Do you know where he is?"



"IF I KNEW WHERE HE FUCKING WAS, DO YOU THINK I'D BE HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!" Heero explodes at me.



I wince, despite myself. Wrong question.



//...I wanna show you...//



"Men are missing from your Unit?" I ask, trying a different route.



"Not missing. Transferred." Heero looked blearily at me. "Une said Duo transferred them before he left himself. Une thinks he left the Unit because he left me. She said it’s unprofessional for us to run a base together now anyway. I'm sorry for screaming at you."



I nod. See? It's his nature.



//...What I'd like to do...//



I take his hand and lead him out of Duo's room and into the guest room. I sit him on the bed. Then I leave him for a moment to pour him a glass of water. I return and hand it to him. He drinks it down in three gulps.



//...You sit back now...//



And I wait.



"I don't get it, though," Heero says finally. "An unmarked jet left my airspace the day after he left me. We have no previous record of it and the men who were transferred were the ones working that shift."



I furrowed my brow, thinking. "Sounds like Preventer intrigue, to me," I say finally, using my best cultivated British accent.



He looked up at me appreciatively, not quite smiling.



At this point, I could give a shit about where Duo is or what web of lies Une is spinning. Right now, I'm not really looking at the one person who recognized my ability to manage the Zero system or plan a winning battle strategy in a split second. I'm not looking at the guy who saved the world, twice, from absolute anarchy and chaos. I'm not even really looking at the Perfect Soldier.



I'm looking at Heero Yuy, comrade, friend, lover; perfectly flawed and with an ocean of pain swimming in those cobalt blue eyes. I smile kindly and touch his cheek, steadying myself against the flood of hurt and anger and confusion that flowed into me at that simple touch.



//...Just relax now...//



Heero snapped his head back, eyes wide and staring at me. I've never opened myself up to him before. In the past, when the five of us would...gather together...it was just steamy lust, something to be done sate our sexual appetites. I care for each of them in a very special way, but it has never been necessary for me to reach to Heero like this before. I kick myself now, thinking maybe I should have. The pain Heero is feeling might be more bearable if I had.



It's hard, though. Harder than most people realize, being an empath.



I learned how to control at whim during the war. I had to. I nearly drove myself insane because I lost of control of it and the Zero system affected me so. Now, I can take it in and sort through it and disperse myself of it at will.



I smiled at Heero again. Very gently, ever so gently, I touched his cheek again. "Trust me," I whisper.



//...I'll take care of you...//



Heero nodded, his lips parted, his breath coming in short gasps, staring at me wide-eyed. I felt it bubbling up inside of him and my heart nearly broke as I watched the first tear slide down his tear.



Merciful Allah, Heero Yuy...crying.



Something stirred inside of me. I was suddenly hungry for it. For his tears, his pain, his hurt, his rage, his sorrow, his despair...



//...Hot temptations…//



I bent down and kissed the tear from his cheek and nearly swooned at the attack of emotions that buffeted me. I looked back up into Heero deep blue eyes and he nodded. I straddled his lap, wrapping my legs around his hips. We paused; making sure our position was secure on the edge of the bed. Then I lowered my head once more and drank sorrow from his lips.



Sweet, sweet nectar. A bottomless well of it flowing into me as I dived into him, lips and tongue serving as the portals of touch that allowed the dam to start breaking.



//...Sweet temptations...//



It was a trickling, just a trickling of what was hidden in the depths of his soul and it teased me. I wanted more.



//...Infiltrating through...//



Heero tilted my head back, exposing my throat. He spread warm kisses down the vulnerable vein and then back to the sensitive spot behind my ear. I arched my back. He remembered. The damn was breaking. I could hear the cracking thundering through my head. I think I may have whispered his name.



//...Sweet temptations...//



Whether I said it out loud or not, Heero heard it in his head and he pulled back suddenly. I knew then that he was feeling it leave him. I waited, impatient despite my calm. His hands were still on me and I had to concentrate not to loose myself in the emotions that were emanating from him. He has to want it to leave him. I can't force it from him. He has to want it.



//...Hot temptations...//



Then his hands were on my hips, grinding me into him. I gasped as I saw the anger resurface and blaze in his eyes. He bucked me against him once more before flinging me on my back and pushing me up against the pillows. My heart leapt as he pressed against me with his entire body, pulling his fingers roughly through my hair and moving his lips over mine. I was drowning in him and I totally surrendered to it. He has chosen.



//...Coming over you...//



I was standing on the brink of something and he was pressing me, pressing, pressing...and, suddenly, I regained my wits and pushed him back, gasping for air. Too soon. Much too soon. I turned him over gently and urged him to prop himself up on his elbows with my eyes. He watched me as I unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it open but not taking it off. I unzipped his pants to relieve the pressure growing there. My hands were trembling, but I was slow and careful. Heero deserved this and he deserved all of it.



//...We're gonna take it slow, babe...//



I kissed his lips, his eyelids, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead and when my lips were perfectly scorched with the anguish seeping from him, I moved lower.



//...Do it my way...//



I can't possibly describe how this feels. It's agonizing and tantalizing. It's like breathing in an inhaler packed with a narcotic that bypasses your brain and goes straight to your heart. My blood began pumping at exactly the same pace as Heero's and by the time my mouth reached his well-toned abdomen, I knew he was ready. I pulled off his pants and boxers, tossing them to the side and looked back at him. He was watching me and we regarded one another with a severity that is usually odd during sexual acts however perfect for this moment.



//...Keep your eyes on me...//



I take him into my mouth and I hear a strangled sob catch in his throat. I nod inwardly and I have to concentrate on weaving through the lust and the passion to get back there. And it hits me again, as I work his cock with my lips and tongue, my hand fondling his testicles, the sorrow, the pain, and then a newer one, one that was buried and resurfacing a primal force I hadn't reckoned on. Guilt.



His member is quivering when my mouth finally leaves him, standing straight against his belly, swollen and desperate. I drag my eyes back up his and I wait.



//...Your reaction...//



And the anger springs back as I knew it would. Fury, rage, and guilt. Guilt so powerful it fuels everything else. And a part of me realizes the guilt has nothing to do with Duo.



And now we're glaring at one another and, gods save me, it's finally taken over.



//...Is what I want to see...//



And I'm on my back again and he's tearing my clothes off and so much of our skin is touching and I can't push it back and it's flooding me, coursing through me, and it feels like Heero is already inside of me.



//...Leave me potion...//



But he's not, he's on top of me, moving and touching and bringing me higher and higher...And he's preparing me with lube and FUCK his fingers are inside and they're stretching me and I'm on the brink again...



And now he's hovering outside my entrance, waiting for permission. I let him pull my legs over his shoulders and I nod before he pushes in and now I'm blind...



All I can see is colors...his fury is red, his anguish is like fire, his sorrow is a slate grey, and guilt, ah, guilt, how can black be so bright? How...and then there's purple. No, not quite purple...it's a myriad of colors, sparkling, spinning, iridescent and moving, shades of purple but one color...one color...amethyst maybe...



//...Your emotion...//



And then flashes and faces and explosions...I hear it ringing in my ear...some things I recognized...most things I didn't...



//...Infiltrating through...//



I saw New Edwards...the plane...I destroyed them...I destroyed them all...No, not I, Heero...I screwed up!...I totally screwed up...Relena...always believed...always believed...broken...always broken...a dog...a flower...a girl...dead, dead, dead...I did it...I did it all...and they sing my praises...they loved me for it...all of it...mission accepted...self-detonation...none of them would kill me...they called me a coward...he came back for me...he came back....why would he do that...I'm falling...falling, falling, falling...he screams my name...



//...Sweet temptations...//



Duo...amethyst...flash of perfectly white teeth...a perfectly sunny smile...that darkness that moves behind his eyes...Duo, Duo, Duo...he left me...he left me...why would he stay?...why?...why, why, why...Duo...he came back for me...not anymore...no more...won't come back...falling, falling, falling...he screams my name...



//...Hot temptations...//



"HEERO!!!"



And we came and I was torn from it.



I lay there, as Heero gasped next to me, and I sobbed. I cried and cried and I couldn't control it.



And then Heero touched my shoulder and pulls my head to rest on his chest. Calm washes over me and I know I completed it. Heero's breathing slows and I can't see him smiling but I know it's there.



//...Now you're satisfied...//



"Thank you," he whispers.



I lift my head and smile weakly at him, the torrent of emotions I pulled from him roiling in my chest. His features are peaceful and he regards me with gratitude.



//...That twinkle in your eye...//



And his eyes droop and I watch him as he falls into a deep slumber.



//...Go to sleep for ten...//



I get up and put my clothes back on. My legs a weak and my head is swimming and the dizziness nearly overwhelms me. I steady myself on the bedpost and gaze fondly at the sleeping Heero Yuy as I wait for my head to clear.



//...Anticipating...//



I arrange the pillows around him and pull the covers up to his chin. I put on my socks and shoes. I stand in the middle of the room, staring at nothing.



//...How we'll be waiting...//



I can’t think. All I can see are those images that are seared into my brain, all I can feel is that hurt and rage and pain and guilt. I am trembling with it.



//...For you to wake up and...//



The shaking becomes spastic and the dizziness attacks me again. I turn and run to the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet before I vomit. I retch and retch, sob and sob. I cry and vomit until there is nothing left. I can't keep this. Not this. Not this.



***



I sat there by the toilet for nearly an hour, feeling drained and weak. I wondered what Heero would do next. I wondered if he'd go looking for Duo...or just let it be. And for a split second I wondered, 'what the hell did I just do?'



Heero may not want him anymore. Duo kept him close to that pain. That pain was what was distracting him from the guilt. It anchored him, kept him sane. And I just eased him of it. The guilt won't go away after one night of lovemaking with an empath. That kind of trauma is going to take years to fully sort through.



Fuck.



Fuck, fuck, fuck.



I sigh and run my hands over my face. I hope Trowa finds Duo. I have this feeling of something being misplace. That something isn't right. Maybe Duo could give us a little more clarity on what happened between them.



//...Hot temptations...

...Sweet temptations...

...Infiltrating through...

...Sweet temptations...

...Hot temptations...

...Coming over you...//