Faded Colours

Title: Faded Colours
Author: Zimmerie Kanoah
Rating: Pg-13
Pairings: 1x2past, past 1x5 revealed!
Warnings: Death. Swearing, mental break down, blood and pain. Lots of Angst! This is a Heero-rific tear jerker folks! And a brief description of a sex scene, but done in a tasteful way. Yep that’s right one of our beloved Gundam Wing boys is going to dead. And this is unbeta-ed. Oh… tis post war. Haven’t decided how many years, not sure if it’s really relevant for the plot line.
Genre:Angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I am not receiving in profit from the creation of this story. This is purely for entertainment purposes only.

Chapter Three: My Rise and Fall

I awoke the dawn, saw horses growing out the lawn~
I glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings~
Oh what marvelous things~
Dark night hold tight and sleep tight my baby~
Morning light will burst bright and keep us here safely~
Eisley ~ Marvelous Things

Heero woke slowly, and wouldn’t have done so at all if it weren’t for the feeling of someone’s eyes baring down on him. Sighing he slowly turned around, he was at Wufei’s house it couldn’t be a hostile and if it had been he would be dead, to look over at his cracked open door to see small blue eyes staring at him. Maybe he wasn’t awake after all and he was dreaming because those eyes were a lot like his.

“Hey…” he whispered towards the two eyes peering out at him.

The door opened up a little more and the face of the little girl came into view. Heero had to smile, because in his culture blue eyes meant lots of water. Which was a good or bad thing depending on the person gifted with such spirit.

“You can come in Cambree.” He said sitting up and gesturing with his hands.

The little girl came quietly into the room, her thick hair messy from sleep and bouncing around her head, with her hand held out. When she finally reached Heero he knelt down far enough to pick her up and she handed him the small trinket that was in her hand. Looking down at the small silver thing he recognized it as Wufei’s wedding band from so many years ago. Those lost years from before the war, before Wufei lost his life as well. His eyes went soft and he looked at the little girl, he had totally forgotten that Wufei had also lost someone.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

She smiled up at him and then hugged him her arms only able to reach the sides of his body. He hugged her back awkwardly, well aware that without trying he could hurt her with his strength. Pulling back she looked up at him expecting something, but what he didn’t know.

“She’s a little girl He-babe. Maybe you should go tuck her in?” Duo suggested from the other side of the bed, muffled by covers.

“Maybe…” he replied feeling uneasy about doing it.

The little girl giggled, looking over his shoulder, and waved, Heero stiffened suddenly. Was Duo really there? He slowly looked over to where she had waved but Duo was nowhere to be seen. Exhaling slowly he chuckled to himself. He was loosing it he told himself, Duo was just an image of what he remembered him as.

“What are you looking at?” Heero asked humoring her.

“Doo-Oh.” She said back, and Heero’s heart stopped.

“What?” He choked out in a hushed tone.

“Duo.” She said more clearly this time and he glanced back to where she was looking one more time but there was nothing.

No way he told himself, she must have heard that name. Why she would say it now was beyond him. Standing up from the bed and heading out the door, much more in control of himself with his logical explanation, he headed in the direction of the nursery.

“Time to put you back in bed.” He said to her with a little poke of her nose with his index finger which earned him a small giggle.

“Remember how we discussed getting kids of our own if we ever got married Heero?” Duo asked while giving a dopey smile and waving his fingers at the girl.

“Yes.”

“Kids are great! They can heal people you know?” He continued.

“Yes I know you tell me that all the time.”

“I’d make a great dad.”

“Sure if you weren’t gone.” Heero answered dryly.

“Well you could still be a good dad.”

“Duo, these are Wufei’s kids.”

“Yeah so. Doesn’t mean you can’t teach them and help out.”

“You make it sound like I’m staying here forever. Once I figure some things out I’m leaving.”

Duo sighed dramatically, “Heero you are hopeless. He’s hopeless huh sweety?”

“Yesh.” The little girl replied making Heero jump and the Duo he had been talking to was gone once more.

***

“Um… Wufei?”

“Yes Heero?” Wufei answered without looking up at the papers in front of him.

“Cambree came into my room last night and gave me this.” He said placing the ring down, on the counter, which clicked.

Wufei looked up at the ring first, where his brows knit together, before he looked up at Heero. “What?”

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have it, but she came in last night and-”

“Cambree gave you this?”

“Yes. Is that a problem?” Heero asked his own brows coming together as well.

Wufei looked down at the small trinket staring at it as if it were possessed. There was no way she could have gotten it herself. It was in a locked drawer, far out of her reach, and the key itself was kept in his closet. Heero could be lying but it was Heero and besides he had no reason to go looking for such a thing. Heero didn’t have any reason to go looking for anything of his and wouldn’t even if he did.

“No, no just a little odd that she would bring it to you, and well even come to you.” He replied picking up the ring and turning away to take it back up to his room.

Heero knew that was a lie but didn’t press it, if Wufei didn’t want to explain what the deal was then it was none of his business. Heero could guess what the problem was though, the little girl shouldn’t have been able to get the ring in the first place. That was easily guessed by the way he reacted, but it raised another question entirely. How had she gotten it then? Had Wufei been looking at it and had forgotten to put it away? Or maybe…

“I did it, you caught me, my bad, it will never happen again.” Duo said dramatically with his hands in the air.

“That is impossible.” Heero stated turning away from the apparition.

“After everything you lived through I would think that you’d have figured out that nothing is impossible, just improbable.” Duo said then began to hum flipping through the papers on the counter.

“Duo that’s none of your business stop it.”

“If I don’t really exist then I’m not really doing anything wrong Heero.”

Heero walked over to the counter and pulled the papers towards himself giving Duo a dirty look. “It doesn’t matter what you really are, prying is wrong.”

“Yuy what are you doing?” Wufei asked from the doorway his arms crossed.

“I was seeing if I might be able to help with anything,” he covered quickly. “I am staying here and I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t help out.”

Wufei looked skeptical, but in the fashion that was their friendship, he excepted it with a disapproving ‘hmm‘. Walking over to Heero he took the papers away from him, neatly organized them, then looked up at the other man.

“Next time ask me.”

“Right.”

“I can’t believe you picked up such a horrible habit from Maxwell.”

Wufei was clearly still upset about the whole thing so Heero swiftly changed the subject.

“Where are the twins?”

“But you couldn’t pick up his knack for smoothly transitioning from one subject to another.” Wufei commented. “How odd.”

Heero gave an uneasy smile in lieu of an apology, and Wufei just shook his head.

“I will forgive you this time because you never were very good with the social aspect of things.”

With that Wufei began to explain what all the papers were for and Heero sat and listened while Wufei also gave him the four-one-one on how the space sphere orphanage worked. It was interesting to watch Wufei speak so passionately about the welfare of children and families given that Heero had never really experienced one himself. Heero had never expected Wufei to care so much about it either, but then with his past and how he was so tied to his roots, it wasn’t to much of a surprise that Duo and Wufei had shared this in common.

He really missed Duo, watching Wufei speak about all of his goals when it came to his job only made Heero’s heart ache. Suddenly Heero found himself in a painful place, one where he couldn’t breath very well.

“I…” Heero swallowed hard. “I…” With that he turned and left.

Wufei simply raised an eyebrow perplexed at this behavior and watched him leave.

***

Heero sat upstairs in his bedroom, on the edge of the bed, and stared at the wall. His hands were clenched and his breathing was becoming more ragged. He was starting to feel less in control of himself as the seconds ticked by. How long had it been since he had come up here? He glanced at the clock, a half hour. Why was he still sitting up here?

“He-chan you miss me and it hurts and-”

Suddenly he just snapped.

“FUCK YOU!” He screamed jumping up from the bed and ripping off the covers. “I don’t miss you! I hate you! You fucking left me! I hope you’re burning in that Hell you believe in!”

Downstairs Wufei breathed in deeply, giving a friendly smile to Sally Po who looked nervous. Maybe the twins should stay with her tonight he thought to himself.

“I didn’t know that Heero was here.” She said conversationally.

“Yes well,” something thudded loudly from above followed by ‘Get the fuck out of my head’ before Wufei finished. “He is.”

“Would you like it if I kept them for the night?” Sally offered politely.

A loud crash came from the room on the second floor making the twins jump and start to look scared. It was probably best to keep them from witnessing anymore violence and if this was what Wufei thought it was it might get worse. There was no need for them to hear or see any of it.

“That would be best.”

“Good thing that we decided I should have a room and things set up for them.”

“Good thing I travel on occasion and leave them with you.”

“Good luck.”

“I won’t need it.” He said to her bending down to the twins’ level. “I am going to take care of Heero tonight okay? So Aunt Sally is going to take you over to her place to have a fun sleepover.”

The twins nodded and took hold of Sally’s hands once again looking up at her expectantly.

“Looks like Aunty Sally gets to spoil you two for a whole twenty four hours!” She said excitedly turning away from Wufei and walking back towards the car.

She gave one last meaningful look over her shoulder as he closed the door. Wufei took yet another deep breath steeling himself for what was to come and walked calmly towards the stairs. He had no idea how much damage Heero could cause in the small amount of time that had passed, but he knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Careful Fei he’s livid, and when he’s like this he aims to kill.”

“If there is one thing I already know, it is that.”

“Oh right… you two ha-” Wufei gave Duo a look that clearly said shut the hell up, and Duo complied.

Heero ran over to the dresser and ripped the drawers out throwing them to the ground the wooden splinters from the impact flew about the room a few slicing his skin, but he was past being able to feel anything of that nature.

“YOU couldn’t just fucking deal with it could you!? You just had to leave me alone! You were all I ever had! And now you think I miss you!?” Heero yelled the last word an octive higher than the rest of his words.

Hot tears burned down his cheeks and fell like rain down towards the floor. Sweat dripped into his eyes and stung his open cuts and scratches. His finger tips were bruised and bleeding, his knuckles were most likely broken, but he couldn’t feel anything but the hot betrayal that burned deep with in him. Duo had left him, Duo had given him hope first, then had ripped it away as if it were some cruel joke.

Ha ha Heero in your face! What a joke, you actually thought you deserved it? Duo’s voice echoed his own insecurities in his head only fueling the fire. You are so worthless! Only thing you ever could do right was be a soldier and lets not forget when you made that huge mistake! You even had Trowa help you out during that time, how pitiful.

“NO!!!! Shut up!!!!” Heero screamed smearing blood across a mirror hanging on the wall before he grabbed and threw it to the ground. “You don’t mean anything to me!” He bellowed down at all the Heero Yuy reflections , but all he saw was a bunch of Duo’s, all he could hear were their laughter.

Wufei had to force the door open and what he saw stopped him short, and made his heart skip beats. Heero was kneeling down over the broken glass shards bent over muttering over and over again ‘you don’t know me,’ ‘shut up, it’s all your fault.’ ‘I mean something I do’. He was sobbing and bleeding clenching pieces of broken glass and splintered wood, completely removed from reality.

Glancing around Wufei saw the bed had been turned over, the dresser had been thrown off to the side, fabrics and pillows and been ripped to pieces, and anything that could be broken had been. There were indentations in the walls and bloody scratch marks placed around the room. Smeared hand prints were scattered amongst the place some on the walls others on the broken things around the room. Heero had finally reached a breaking point.

Wufei swallowed hard and cautiously walked towards the broken man in the middle of the chaos still lost in his world. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Should he be soft or be himself with Heero? Be the Wufei that Heero knew or be something else, try and be Duo? Which would be the thing that would help stabilize him? Looking at the crippled figure now starting to hug himself, Wufei decided that Heero didn’t need Maxwell, Heero needed him.

“Yuy?” Wufei questioned with as much bite as he could muster, which was not much.

Heero didn’t do anything but squeeze himself tighter and mutter more things that Wufei couldn’t understand. He had to muster more, he had to be meaner.

“Yuy what the hell do you think you are doing?” He asked sounding disgusted by the sight before him.

“Wufei…” Came the soft inquiry.

“Yes Yuy, and it’s Chang to you. Only the strong and worthy can call me by my first name.” He said with contempt he didn’t feel.

“Shut up..” Heero whispered.

Wufei snorted, “What are you going to make me? That is ridiculous, look at yourself you are pitiful.”

“No, you just shut up Chang.” Heero replied sounding much more alive.

Good, Wufei thought, get pissed off at me. “ Make me Yuy. Or are you so worthless that you can only threaten?”

“Just SHUT UP!” and with that Heero bounded up from the floor and swung his right hook towards Wufei who caught it easily.

“Heero look at me!” Wufei cried out loudy while catching the other fist as well.

Heero stopped dead in his tracks and finally light came back into his eyes. Heero quickly looked around the room and saw what he had done, then back at Wufei who seemed relieved. Relaxing his muscles Wufei let go of Heero who dropped back to his knees.

“He’s gone forever and all I can do is hate him for leaving me behind.” Heero confessed.

“That is completely normal Heero.”

“How would you know?” Heero spit back before thinking.

“Because I have loved and lost a wife.”

They stayed in the torn apart room for what seemed like forever to the two of them, while they contemplated the past. Both of them feeling the hurt and shame of their losses.

“Does the pain ever go away?” Heero inquired.

“No, but you’re able to look back and remember the good times fondly and it helps lessen the pain.” Was Heero’s answer.

“How long does that take?”

“It depends on you.” Wufei replied while holding out his hand. “Now lets got to the other room and clean you up. Then we can clean this up.”

With a nod Heero deftly took the hand proffered and followed Wufei out of the room.

***

After cleaning up the mess they made dinner and now they found themselves in Wufei’s master bath while he changed the bandages on Heero. Heero just watched Wufei’s skillful hands unwrap and rewrap his injuries. The finger tips calloused with war, but oddly soft to the touch. The moment was almost painfully surreal given the fact that they had been like this many times during the war. Many more times that the other ex-pilots had ever known, even Duo didn’t know all of the times.

This moment wasn’t helping him out it was only making him remember times during the war, when Wufei had looked after him then, and the other things that had followed. The other things is what his mind chose to linger on, and given the fact that he hadn’t been with anyone for over two years, and he was feeling so empty now, was not doing him any good. He could vaguely remember the way it felt to touch and taste the other Asian man, but the memories were so faded.

Heero reached up and brushed a stray hair back behind Wufei’s ear without thinking and Wufei stopped wrapping his upper arm momentarily. Wufei knew he should just walk away and not look up at the other man. He knew better than to do it but he found himself looking up into Persian blue anyway. They looked at each other and time seemed to stop, they both remembered the times during the war, and they both were feeling the tug and pull between them now.

“We should go our separate ways.” Wufei spoke first, very quietly.

“That would be the better thing to do.” Heero agreed but neither made a move.

Moments later found their lips intertwined in a passionate kiss as they made their way back towards the bed. Heero had nearly forgotten the burn and rush that went through his body at Wufei’s touch. Almost let go of the memory of the fire that sliced through him when he slid his hands over the other man. He had forgotten, however, the possessiveness that zinged through his soul when he realized he was going to take Wufei. To feel the power the other man held run down his body and take over him like he was drowning alive. It had never been like this with Duo, it had never been worse, or better than when with Wufei, just completely different.

Clothes were discarded quickly and flesh met with flesh in a tango only known to the two involved. Bodies arched and dipped against one another, sweat mingled, and tongues warred. Fingers tangled together or twined in-between locks of hair. Hands roamed lightly but possessively over taunt muscles and scares from the past, and moans escalated until dying down with the completion of the dance.

Heero had forgotten what it had felt like to live and breath through someone else’s eyes and body. Heero had forgotten what it was to live through the fires that burned with in Wufei, those fires that seared his soul and unfroze his still heart. He had completely forgotten he would have never been able to love Duo if he hadn’t loved one Chang Wufei first. Heero had forgotten that he had only started to love Duo when Wufei had ended their affair, and he had forgotten the reason why they had stopped to begin with.

The following morning would find Heero waking to an empty bed, which was their prior agreement long ago, and feeling glad that Wufei had followed through with it. Heero knew he wouldn’t have excepted what had happened last night, and he certainly couldn’t except the feelings he had forgotten long ago. He was still feeling the loss of his love, the loss of Duo. Getting up from the bed and dressing he knew if Wufei had upheld the agreement so far then it would still stand that they would act as if it had never happened to begin with. With that thought Heero exited the room and squished it all down into his little black box.