It Wasn't Anything

Chapter 3

Blurring Right and Wrong

The sun hung low over the city of Central, sending blue and orange hues racing across the sky. The braided boy sat on a park bench, under a canopy of large trees, seemingly unaware of the brilliance dancing over his head. His face was covered by long bangs and his metal hand wrestled with the flesh of the other in his lap.

How long had he been sitting here, he wondered? He was doing his best to keep his excitement about the coming evening buried. He shouldn’t be thinking like this, shouldn’t be tormented by his superior officer. But the Colonel had started it, hadn’t he? Mustang had been the one to single him out. Why, just because he hadn’t had a girlfriend? He liked girls, but he didn’t have time for such trivial things. He had to get his brother’s body back and he had to get parts of his own body back. But, it seems, he did have time for the Colonel, time to drive himself crazy thinking about him. Time to spare when it came to obsessing over a few kisses and, he shuddered to think of it, a hand job. Even thinking about it now, in this context, sent shivers through him. God, he was hopeless.

He finally looked up at the sky and realized darkness had cast its shadows upon the park. Would Mustang be home now? He felt himself getting antsy. His legs were twitching, telling him it was time to go. But if he got there too soon, Mustang would know how much he affected him. No. He had to stave off the growing urge to run to his house, blow his door off its hinges and throw himself at the Colonel. He smiled, imagining himself doing those things. How surprised Mustang would be, he thought, if I ripped off his pants and fucked him in the ass. The look on his smug face would be priceless. Chuckling to himself, Edward couldn't believe a thought like that even entered his mind. He didn’t even know how to do something like that. Sighing, he felt his pants begin to tighten. Enough already, he thought. Standing up, he shifted his pants into a more comfortable position and headed down the path toward the street, Mustang’s street.

As Ed strode down the street, his resolve deteriorated. The full force of what he was about to embark upon caught up with him. It wasn’t funny, not at all. What had he been told about boys who liked other boys? There was a host of vulgar names that came to mind. Was he really one of those?

He stepped up to the Colonel's door and knocked. Shame and fear all rolled up into a mess of craving and longing ravaged his soul. He thought these feelings for males had long since died with his mother’s passing. He’d had something else to consume his self-destructive energy. But then, Mustang had to come along, seize them from their hiding place, and scatter them out across his psyche.

-O-

Colonel Mustang was pouring himself a scotch in a short crystal glass from his dark wood liquor cabinet when he heard a soft knock at his door. He took a quick peek at his pocket watch, only seven. Fullmetal was not wasting any time, he mused, grinning. He strode to the door, still wearing his military trousers and a white shirt, scotch glass in hand. He waited at the door for a second knock before turning the knob and opening it, readying himself with a witty comment. “Fullmetal, so you . . . ah.” His words caught in his throat when he saw how dejected Ed appeared, standing on his doorstep.

Ed just stood in the doorway, shaking uncontrollably, head lowered, tears building in his eyes.

“Uh, come on in, Ed.” Reaching out, Roy placed a tender arm around him. As he led him into his living area, he heard a few soft sobs release from somewhere underneath the long blonde bangs. Roy felt like a jerk. He realized it was probably his manipulation of the young man that caused the emotional outburst.

He sat Ed down on the couch, seated himself beside the boy, and embraced him.

Ed’s forehead leaned against Roy’s chest. His arms were drawn up next to his body and bent so his hands fanned out in either side of his face.

Roy did his best to comfort the distraught young man in his arms. “It’s okay, Ed. I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s my fault you’re so upset.”

Ed couldn’t believe how nice Roy was being to him, actually apologizing, when he was acting like a baby after all. He liked the feel of the Colonel’s arms around him and the scent of his cologne mixed with scotch.

Roy placed a soft kiss on the top of Edward's head, not sure if that was the right thing to do. Somehow, it felt right.

Ed’s heart raced when he sensed soft lips touching his head. He felt himself harden as he trailed his hands along the thin shirt covering Mustangs chest, imagining the soft skin underneath. What was happening now wasn’t much like what happened in the bar or his office. This was gentle, loving even. Gazing up at the Colonel, Ed was surprised to see something different in his dark eyes. “Wh-why are you looking at me like that?”

“I-I don’t know. There’s just, something about you that—" Letting out a heavy sigh, Roy stopped before confessing something he’d regret later.

“No, something about me what?”

Feeling his heart pounding, Roy gazed at the beautiful young man in his arms. He’d always longed for Edward to be with him like this, but never expected it to happen so quickly after he’d made his move. He'd figured it was going to take a lot more convincing and persuasion before he’d see the softer side of the Fullmetal Alchemist. He sealed the young man’s question with a gentle kiss. As the kiss lingered, he felt Ed’s lips part, the young tongue licked across his teeth, and Ed's body pressed snub against his own.

Ed drowned himself in Roy’s kiss. He wanted to surrender everything to him so Roy could take away his pain and insecurities, wanted to believe what they were doing was right. If Mustang didn’t have any problems with it, why should he?

Ed's erection demanded attention. Reaching around his side, he seized Roy’s arm by the wrist. He tugged Roy's arm around to position his hand over the hard flesh straining under his zipper. Ed grew frustrated quickly, Roy didn't seem to be responding to what he needed. He slapped his hand over Roy's and pressed it solidly into himself, moving it up and down. As the action ignited pleasure in his groin, a moan escaped from him into Roy’s mouth.

Roy was surprised by how forward Ed was being with him. This was definitely going better than expected, he thought, with a grin. Roy obliged Ed's wishes, stroking and squeezing his length through his black pants.

Ed stretched himself out a little so he could increase the friction from Roy's hand. It was exquisite.

Roy felt Ed fumbling with his military trousers and was forced to pull away from their kiss in order to smile.

Ed tried to chase the kiss, not wanting to let the Colonel go. He gazed up at his face. Mustang was smiling at him, stopping the hand movements he so craved. “D-don’t, don’t stop. Why are you smiling?” Leaning forward, he attempted to reestablish the connection.

Roy turned his head away, chuckling.

Ed frowned. “Damn-it, Mustang, don’t laugh at me.” He suddenly felt stupid and a little hurt. He must have done something wrong.

“I’m sorry, Ed. I can’t help it. You’re just sort of, well, pathetic in a way,” Roy said, still chuckling. He watched Ed sit away from him on the couch, pouting, with his arms crossed on his chest. “Come on, don’t be like that.” Reaching out, he grasped his flesh hand. “If you come with me, I promise I'll make it worth your while." His voice was husky with desire. He had some definite ideas about what he wanted to do to his new lover.

Huffing, Ed allowed Roy to raise him up from the couch. But, he didn’t want Mustang to perceive how eager he really was to see what the elder man had in store. As Roy led him into his bedroom, the hammering of Ed's heart became irritating. He tried taking deep breaths, to slow his racing pulse. He found himself trembling again. He started to give himself a mental pep talk of sorts - it’s okay, it's just a bedroom, it's just a bed, it’s okay, just get on the bed, he’s just taking my clothes off, he’s just undressing, it’s okay, it’s just—" Arching his back, Ed's head tilted backward as the moist hot cave of Roy’s mouth surrounded his erection. He wanted to scream, to shriek with the pleasure coursing through every nerve in his system, but no sound would come out at the moment.

When he found his voice, his loud cries and moans echoed into the hallway. He’d definitely never felt anything like this. Roy’s tongue expertly swirled his tip and sucked at his length, sending waves of pleasure washing over him, feeding his increasing frenzy of thrashing and moans. Roy's mouth pumped down and up, over and over, building the sensitivity of Ed's erection.

Roy couldn’t believe the reaction Edward had. The young man really was a loud bastard, even when he wasn’t drunk. He couldn’t have hoped for anything better. Ed’s response aroused Roy beyond belief, making own erection ache and pulse. Even the resistance of the bedcovers would soon be enough to initiate his release. He stopped his assault on Ed’s erection and positioned himself further up in the bed, next to Ed.

Both men were panting, on their sides, facing each other.

Brows tensed in frustration, Ed gazed at Roy. “Why did you stop?” Reaching his flesh hand out to Roy, he caressed his side because he didn’t know what else to do.

Roy took a second to collect himself before reaching into the nightstand drawer and taking out a small bottle of lotion. He grabbed Ed's hand, squirted the substance into it, and brought Ed’s hand down to his own erection. He watched Ed’s eyes widen while he guided his strokes. Having Ed’s hand on him was exquisite. Eyes closing, Roy leaned back, rocking his hips into the movement. He felt Ed’s body draw close to his and soon Ed’s lips were hungrily devouring him.

Ed had never touched anyone like that before, let alone another man, let alone his commanding officer. He decided Roy could command him any time he wanted. Ed ravaged the skin on Roy’s neck and chest. He found the sounds of Roy’s moans growing more insistent. It lit a fire inside him, making him thrust into Roy’s side, needing to get back some of the earlier friction.

Roy’s warm hand found it’s way between Ed's legs and began to stroke.

The relief was palpable. Feeling his climax push through to fruition, Ed dropped his head onto the Colonel’s chest, just as his sensitivity peaked and spasms of urgent pleasure overtook him. So lost in sensation, Ed's hand stilled over Roy's length.

Roy shuddered. He was at the brink when Ed had stopped. “Ed.” Roy gasped, guiding Ed’s hand to resume his motion. Roy felt his release come on strong and surrendered to the intense pleasure racking his body.

Ed felt warm fluid run over his hand and looked, incredulous, at the Colonel. He’d done that. He found an undeniable power in it. Plus, he really enjoyed it. He could get addicted to it, even.

Ed rolled to his back. He wanted the Colonel to hold him, craving reassurance that what they did was still all right. But he realized Roy probably needed to rest for a moment. Suddenly, Ed wasn’t sure if he should wipe his hand on the sheets or what. So he just lay there, gazing up at Roy’s ceiling, pondering what this meant, if it meant anything. He’d never been in love, so he wasn’t sure if this is what it felt like or not. What he did know, as he turned his gaze back to Roy, was that he wanted more. He wasn’t sure if it was possible for him to get enough of Roy Mustang.

Rising from the bed, Roy strolled into the attached bathroom. When he returned, he had two wet washcloths in his hand. He threw one at Ed and wiped himself off with the other, dropping it to the floor when he finished. He noticed Ed mimicking his actions as he plopped himself back on the bed, next to Edward, letting out a tired sigh. He felt Ed’s warm body snuggle up next to him and he wrapped his arms around his young lover. Pushing his nose into Ed’s hair, Roy breathed in his scent, fresh air mixed with spice. He brushed hand across the back of Ed’s head, releasing the rest of his loose braid. He had a hard time believing it was real. Ed was really lying with him in his bed.

Ed closed his eyes as he lay in Mustangs arms. He felt so comfortable and secure. His flesh arm lay across Roy’s waist and he tightened his hold, drawing himself closer. The disturbing thoughts were silenced as he closed his eyes and let pleasant images pull him into slumber.

xxx

The morning sun beamed through the window, illuminating the young man in a bed of chaotic sheets and dark blankets. Slowly opening his eyes, Ed focused on the room around him through the images of his dreams. Where was he? Oh yes, he was still in Mustang’s bedroom. It had been too dark for him to really see much of it last night. Sitting up, he wiped his eyes and scanned the contents of the room. Heavy silk drapes hung at the window, the color of milk chocolate. They matched the duvet, Ed mused. On the far wall was a dresser, made of rich dark wood. The style matched the nightstand and headboard with strong masculine lines.

He reached his hand beside and behind him, searching for a limb or otherwise of the man he made love to last night. When his hand came up empty, he turned his gaze to the folds and crevices of sheets, trying to discern the shape of a body, but there was none. He focused on the clock on the nightstand, next to a brass lamp with a dark green shade. It was same nightstand that held the lotion they’d used last night. He shivered as he remembered the slick feel of Mustang in his hand and the reaction he’d invoked. The clock read nine. He realized the Colonel must have gone to work already. He was alone with himself, his memories, and his judgments.

Pulling his legs up, Ed wrapped his arms around them and rested his forehead on his knees. He began to rock in a steady rhythm. A wicked internal voice found him. Stupid boy. How can you like the feel of another man on you? How could you so easily submit to his wishes? Why would you come here, knowing he would ruin you?

Ed tried to reason with the critical voice in his head. It wasn’t really like that, was it? It didn’t feel wrong at the time. He realized Mustang awakened feelings in him he’d tried to keep hidden. Feelings that threatened to destroy his relationship with his brother, with Winry, with anyone who was close to him. What would Al do if he found out what he’d done last night? Would he be repulsed? Ed felt ugly inside, ugly and alone as the tears came. He yielded to them, letting them tumble down his cheeks, onto his legs, letting them cleanse his feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy.

After Ed collected himself and dressed, he called his brother from a phone in Mustang's kitchen. Yesterday he’d told Al he had something important to take care of and not to wait up for him, but his prolonged absence was sure to have caused some concern.

He waited as the phone rang into his dorm room, looking around the small but efficient kitchen. The dark wood on the cabinets was a stark contrast to the white tiles on the counters. A porcelain sink sat under a small window, framing a view of the back yard. The stove was clean and curved, white, like the refrigerator. Ed heard continuous ringing, but there was no answer. He rested the black headset on the receiver and made his way to Mustangs front door. He stopped at a small table pushed against a wall and picked up a picture of the Colonel with Maes Hughes. The pair looked young and happy. Ed figured the picture must have been taken at the start of their military careers. The men had their arms around each other's.

Edward took a cab back to his dormitory building. After getting home, he showered.

Ed stood in the shower, letting the water cascade over his skin and metal body. After reaching for the soap, he lathered up his hands. The sensation reminded him of the slick feel of the lotion Mustang had put on him last night. A wicked thought bore into his mind, making him glance at the door to the bathroom, reassuring himself he was alone. He was already hardening when he placed his flesh fist around his length and squeezed. His body pulsed with pleasure. Breath quickening, a soft gasp floated out of him. As he stroked up and down, the slick sensation fed his growing need, dissolving any remnants of the faultfinding voice threatening to make itself heard.

He relaxed under the warm water, leaning up against the cool white tiles, increasing the speed and pressure on his full erection. He swirled the tip with his thumb, spreading a pearl of seed over the head. Closing his eyes, he imagined the Colonel there with him, his mouth sucking on him instead of his own hand pumping, stroking, up and down, over and over. A sweet tingling started to build in his groin and spread outward through his whole body. Reaching up with his metal hand, he gripped the showerhead tight to brace himself as his peak surged, hard and relentless. The spasms came, spurting his seed out over the drain. Losing himself in the moment, he cried out.

Suddenly, the bathroom door burst open and slammed against the wall.

Ed was appalled to see his brother’s metal body shining on the other side of the glass shower stall. Turning around to hide his still pulsing body, he bent forward and fell to the floor in a heap. “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” Panting, he hid his face, his nakedness, his shame, from his sibling.

“Brother! I-I’m sorry! I thought something was happening to you, I-I thought you were in pain or something!” Al's shrill voice echoed off the walls of the small room. He just stood there, not wanting to fully comprehend what he just saw. Of course his brother did that, he thought, didn’t all boys his age?

“Al, get out of here. Obviously I’m fine." Ed felt exposed in the worst way. He thought he’d locked that door, damn-it. He shouldn’t have been doing what he was doing anyway, right? He winced as the last thought flashed through his panicked mind. He heard metal clank on the floor and the door shut with a thud. He resigned himself to resuming his shower and getting himself dressed. He was not looking forward to the conversation sure to follow.

xxx

Al waited patiently on the edge of his bed until his brother appeared in the doorway of their bathroom. He felt terrible about what happened. “Edward, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t know what was going on in there and when you didn’t come home at all last night, I got worried.”

Ed ran his flesh hand through his bangs, realizing how silly it all was and chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, Al. I guess there are worse things, huh?” His smile faded as he realized the subconscious stab he took at himself. “Look, I’m really hungry and I’ve got a lot of work to do, so I’m just going to go to headquarters now, okay?” He saw the orbs in his brother’s helmet diminish.

“But brother, I haven’t seen you in so long, why don’t we eat together. I mean, why don’t I go with you to eat?” His voice held sadness.

Al’s words poured more guilt into Ed’s mind as he thought about his brother not being able to taste food anymore. Wasn’t that because of something else he shouldn’t have done? Anyway, Ed really didn’t want his brother’s company right now, not while he was struggling to maintain his dignity, not while he was fighting a compulsion to see Mustang. But he knew he had to placate him somehow for not coming home last night. “Well, okay, but I’m just going to the cafeteria, all right?” He saw his brother jump off the bed and ramble over to his side, ready to go.