No Regrets

The clock ticked loudly behind him, thudding in a deafening rhythm, just in case he didn’t know it was nearly midnight and he had to work in the morning. He tried to push the slip of paper away for the third time, finally getting out of his chair. He’d nearly made it to the stairs, when it hit, a rather sinking feeling that there wasn’t much time. Ed was up to something, and this was the only clue he had. If he wasn’t enough, didn’t do this soon, it could mean something awful.

With a heavy sigh, Roy headed back to the kitchen and put on another pot of coffee before sitting down at the table. He stared desperately at the words, praying for some clue, but the letters only taunted him, smears on a page written in emotionless ink.

X

“You seem tired, sir,” Riza noted as Roy hung his head over a stack of paperwork.

“Long night,” he murmured.

“Was she pretty?” It was incredibly rare for Riza to ask him about anything personal, they’re closeness made it awkward. It was more rare for Riza to be joking, but he looked up and a small smile had quirked up the corners of her mouth.

Roy pulled a page from his blotter, scribbled something unintelligible on it and hastily folded it before releasing the page to its full size once more. He held it up as he responded, “only if pretty looks like this.”

Riza gave him a questioning look, but said nothing, for which he was grateful. He wasn’t particularly inclined to announce to her that he was trying to decode something of Ed’s, something he shouldn’t even have.

In the silence that followed, Roy put a lot of thought into possible things he could do to make this situation better. It was a fact that something was up. He was fairly certain it was also a fact that as soon as that list of Ed’s was completed, he’d be out of time. It was definitely a fact that he was having a hell of time decoding his only clue. He couldn’t make that go faster, which meant that he needed to buy more time.

Roy was pretty sure that the whole magic book delivery had been what Ed had in mind for Scheska on the list he’d written, which meant there were now two names crossed off. That left Hughes, Winry, Al… and him.

That was when it hit him. He probably wanted to be near the people on his list to complete whatever it was he was doing. So if Roy could stop that from happening, he could stall for time. Hughes, well… he imagined there wasn’t much he could do about that. Winry, he couldn’t exactly keep Ed from Rizembul without arousing suspicion, and Al, there was just no way. That left him. Well, surely he could keep Ed away from him. All he had to do was keep him out on missions, have him not report in or something, anything to keep him far, far away.

It was a great idea, in theory. All he had to do to protect Ed from being stupid was to stay away from him. It should have been easy, so he had to wonder why it bothered him so much. Since when did he actually want Ed around, anyway?

X

“You want me to do what?” Ed asked.

“It’s more time effective, since all these missions are near each other, just to do them all at once and report back later,” Roy explained.

“Since when do you care about things being time effective?”

“Well, you’ve been being so professional lately, I figured it deserved some sort of acknowledgement,” Roy answered smugly.

“I see,” Ed nodded as if he was buying it, but the look in his eye very clearly said he didn’t.

“You’re dismissed,” Roy stated, but as Ed turned to leave, he scrabbled for some reason, anything to get him to come back. It terrified him, watching the young man walk away, like he might never see him again.

In the end, there was nothing for it, and off Ed went. Roy could only hope he’d come back.

X

He pored over the paper with more intensity now, and never stopped to consider just how much time he was spending focused on Edward Elric. He’d not been on a date in three weeks, not since that first day Ed had come in all decked out in the military’s finest. He’d spent nearly all his time on this… project, worrying over what Ed was planning, and was he really that fond of him. Yes, actually, it seemed he was, and that got him considering what there was, exactly, to be fond of.

Ed wasn’t so bad, really. When he wasn’t screaming or throwing a fit, he was fairly pleasant to be around. He was painfully intelligent, could think circles around Mustang when set his mind to it. He was quite attractive, even more so because he seemed to simply have no idea that everyone stared when he walked by. He was beautiful without even trying, and utterly oblivious, as if his effect on others totally eluded him. To top it off, on those less pleasant days where he was throwing a fit, he wasn’t the sort of angry that made you want to scream back, or the sort that made you cower in the corner. When it was something small and ineffectual, he was mostly just amusing.

Obviously, he was pretty thoughtful when he wanted to be, too. After all, what he’d done for Scheska was rather sweet. Roy wasn’t sure about the whole thing he’d done for Riza, because he honestly wasn’t entirely sure what it was, whether the gift was Ed being complacent and obedient, or whether it was making Roy actually work.

Finally, Roy had an idea. He called around until he found someone with Scheska’s number, and then called her. In half an hour, he had a list of every book Ed had sent her.

In the end, that was all he’d needed. He’d been so wrapped up in everything else, it hadn’t even occurred to him that the words beside her name had practically been a list all in themselves. That was all it took to be able to pick apart Ed’s code.

So, maybe Ed was not so devious as he’d thought, because all it said beside Riza’s name was, likes people to be professional and proper. He wasn’t sure if he was more glad that he hadn’t been part of Ed’s plan after all, or more disappointed that Ed hadn’t taken him into account. He pushed the thought away, moving on.

Winry: Said something about needing a new spanner set. Roy frowned. Ed didn’t even need to go to Rizembul for that.

Hughes: Deserves something better than a gravestone to be remembered by. That meant he had to come back to Central, Roy supposed, so perhaps by keeping him away he was keeping two things from being checked off his list.

Al: Always wanted a cat, and I always said no. Roy took a breath before reading the last one.

Roy: Useless in the rain. Why did everyone always have to remind him of that, anyway? Then again, he felt a little guilty, as Ed obviously hadn’t meant this for him.

It bothered Roy that even though he’d broken the code and deciphered this, after nearly a month of trying, he felt no closer to understanding what was happening.

There was more at the bottom, and he’d been so happy to decipher the list part that he didn’t bother with the rest at first. He turned back to it, that one single line he’d overlooked.

Learn what it is to love somebody. That must have been his regret for himself.

X

Roy knew he couldn’t stall forever. In all honestly, he’d already finished what he was stalling for, which was probably good seeing as how Ed was due back any day. All that was left was to find some way to discover Ed’s intentions. The only way to do that was if he found a way to get Ed to confide in him, and so, Roy decided that he had to make friends.

It wasn’t because he was growing fond of Ed, of course. It was simply for Ed’s own good that Roy happened to be just going to lunch when Ed finally showed up at his office. It wasn’t because he enjoyed spending time around the young man, liked the way he smiled, and every once in a while really seemed to mean it. It was simply because Ed needed this, that he coerced the young man into joining him.

They talked, about everything and nothing. Roy marveled at how it was Ed managed to talk to him for two hours and tell him nothing at all. Everything he’d said was entirely superficial, and of course it was. Ed didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him. Actually, he probably trusted him less, because Roy was fairly certain Ed could throw him pretty far if he really wanted to.

“What’s this all about, anyway?” Ed finally asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“I don’t have time to read all those reports. I figured I’d just get the important parts from you.”

“That’s not even close to being fair, you know,” Ed fumed.

“How’s that?” Roy smirked.

“I had to take the time to write all those damn things. You ought to read them.”

“What are you complaining about, anyway? You got a free lunch out of the deal,” Roy smiled, and was surprised to find it was a real smile, because Ed was looking at him like something strange had just dawned on him and it was about the cutest thing he’d ever witnessed.

The two of them fell into silence, Roy nursing his coffee, and Ed pushing the crust from his pie around the plate with his fork. Roy took the opportunity to look, really look at him and that was when he noticed.

On the outside, Ed looked perfectly fine. When he was going, he was really going, and no one bothered to look twice. It was only when he was sitting there, mostly relaxed that he gave you time to notice the dark marred flesh beneath his eyes, the worry creases at the corners of his mouth. He looked utterly exhausted, as if something terrible was weighing on him and he hadn’t slept properly in weeks.

“You seem agitated, lately,” Roy noted.

“This is the first time you’ve even seen me lately, you weirdo,” Ed countered.

“You’ve been this way for a while, since before you left,” and oh god, he’d said the wrong thing again because Ed just stopped. How was it that all of a sudden he was always saying the wrong thing, anyway? He was Roy Mustang. He never said the wrong thing. He could hold anyone’s strings when he wanted to, but here he seemed to have messed up something as simple as pulling a secret from Ed.

“I… I have to go,” Ed stammered, and his cheeks were red like he’d just been caught at something, and he stumbled from his side of the table practically dashing out the door, leaving Roy blinking in surprise.

Alright, so he hadn’t accomplished what he’d set out to do, not today anyway. At least Ed wasn’t yelling anymore. It was a start.