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The Dark Passenger	By : Lahmia Category: Beyblade > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 898 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, nor do I make any money off of this. This is solely for entertainment of myself and my fellow fans. The lyrics used belong to Linkin Park, not me!

Chapter List
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We got a request that afternoon to open the front gates to allow a car from the BBA access to the grounds. All of us were really confused – normally we went in to town to meet with them. Something was up, and suddenly I was scared. Them coming here could only mean bad news. I thought it had something to do with the kid I ran over, and tried to prepare myself for a lot of legal trouble.

However, that was not the case. We stood in the doorway and watched as Mr. Dickinson stepped out of the back seat and allowed the driver to take something out of the car. We saw a messy slate and midnight blue mop of hair as they lifted a bundle wrapped in blankets and approached our door. Spencer was actually the first to catch on – he is the parent in the family, after all – and hurried out to take over. When he came back inside, with Mr. D in tow, he carefully folded down a bit of the fabric, and we just gasped. We could only see Kai's face, but that was bad enough. He was asleep, or unconscious, so we could take a good look at him. His cheeks were hollow, and we could see the outlines of his chin and cheekbones way too clearly. There were dark rings under his eyes and he was pale as a ghost. His neck was so thin, I wondered how the hell it could support his head at all. We just looked at each other, Spencer paler than the rest of us.

“He weighs nothing,” he said. “What the hell's going on?”

Mr. Dickinson sighed, and the look in his eyes was a mixture between sadness, worry and pain. That made me even more terrified. From the look of it, Kai was really really sick – and despite him being through almost the same amount of experiments as me, his immune system wasn't as strong as mine. A fact that had always pissed Boris off, and caused him to pretty much torture him to 'make his body stronger and teach him to put such petty things aside'. Kai's immune system is still stronger than pretty much anyone else's, but he can still get sick. Not often – but when it happens he gets really sick. We went into the living room, and Spence put Kai down next to me, and I pulled him as close as I could. He smelled of hospital and disinfectants – his own flowery but spicy smell had almost disappeared.

“I'm sorry to come with this kind of news to you boys when you're still recovering, Tala,” Mr. D said. “But I felt that it was of the utmost importance to get Kai home so he can recover and be around people who care about him.”

“Thank you,” Bry said. “We've been really shitting worried about him. So, what's wrong with him?”

“He was found during a raid in the home of a known drug dealer and pimp, along with several other young men. He was unconscious due to an overdose of what we suspect to be heroin, and...” he paused, looking very uncomfortable. “There were signs of rather violent sex, he had a lot of cuts and bruises. As you can see, he is severely malnourished, and he is currently recovering from pneumonia. We were unable to move him until today. He hasn't spoken a single word beside the phrase pozhaluĭsta, ubyeĭ menya. I don't know what it means, but it caused the hospital staff here in Moscow to go pale, so I assume it's nothing good.” We went pale too, I can tell you. That phrase means 'please, kill me'. It seemed that Kai's suicidal thoughts were back. Mr. D sighed and continued. “We believe he's been either selling himself or using these... rapes as a way of self torture, but we are not sure. And, as I said, he has only spoken that sentence since we found him in Tokyo three weeks ago. Poor boy. He always seems to blame himself for everyone's pain. At least for as long as I known him.”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “He's always been that way. He cares so much for everyone else that he forgets to take care of himself. And when people he care about hurt, he feels like he failed them.”

“I have noticed the same. Now, I have informed Dr. Evans of his condition and he will take care of him as well as you, Tala. As it is now, he cannot eat solid food – only nutritional drinks. He is too weak to move on his own, and can only sit up with support. We will send over a wheelchair for him to use when he is stronger. One of you must be with him at all times – seeing that doctors and strangers upsets him. He tried to pull out the IV's when he arrived at the hospital, as well as trying to fight the shots needed to be given. It was really horrible to see.”

“Yeah,” Bry said. “Well, Kai's experiences when it comes to doctors has been beyond fucking horrible. What do you think Boris's mad scientists did to him?”

“I know it was more than he has ever told me. I have not asked, since it's so difficult for all of you to speak about it. Now, who will take the first watch? The nutritional drinks will be here within an hour. There is a lot of them, so you might want to make sure there is space to store them. Also make sure he gets plenty of fluids, and that he takes the medication. Dr. Evans will of course administer it but he might spit it back out. It is crucial for his recovery that he takes them. About the fluids; he can't hold a glass for himself – so he will need straws.”

The severity of his illness became even more scary as we heard all of this, and horrid visions of losing him flashed across my mind repeatedly. I think that was the first time I realized that my feelings for our precious phoenix might have surpassed friendship and turned into something more. However, with him being so severely ill and me still fighting these insane urges and all the flashback and nightmares – talking to him about it was really out of the question.

“So what do we do now?” I don't think I've ever seen Ian that pale. The guy is known for his 'fuck fear' attitude, so when he is visibly scared – you know it's bad. Mr. D sighed and looked at Kai with an expression of almost fatherly worry.

“He needs to rest now. The transport exhausted him I'm afraid. You must decide who takes the first shift of watching him.”

“I will,” I said. “He'll be sleeping in my room.” The others gave me this 'are you fucking crazy? You're in the middle of post-withdrawal hell yourself!' - look. And I countered it with the most frightening glare I could muster. Kai was staying with me, end of story. The guys shrank, and even Mr. D looked very intimidated. “Kai. Will. be. Sleeping. in. My. Room. Period.”

Spencer was the first to recover – I guess his parental instincts kicked in again – and picked him up, taking the stairs two steps at a time. It was when he placed Kai on the bed and removed the blanket so we could tuck him in that we really saw how emaciated he was. His arms were like twigs, and the joints of his elbows were way more visible than they should have been. As we lifted his shirt, we were treated to every single rib in his chest as well as hipbones like a pair of shovels. I wanted, we all wanted, to cry at the sight, but we knew we couldn't. He needed us to be strong for him now, and we went into team mode. We didn't need to talk about it – we just acted.

I crept into the bed next to him and pulled him close, trying to give him some of my body heat since he was practically shivering. Spencer made sure he was tucked in properly, and then they sat down and just watched him – looks of pain and total disbelief on their faces. Kai had been in bad shape before, but this was the worst. My own agony came back and hit me like a punch to the gut. I felt like I had failed him too. I felt like I should have been out there searching for him, but instead I had been busy getting fucking shitfaced on a daily basis. I felt so useless and selfish. Alcoholism is selfish – there's no denying it – and it became clear to me how much everyone else had been hurting because of me. I began to cry, and just buried my face against Kai's hair – refusing to let him go or to be comforted. I was too busy suffering and feeling guilt and self loathing. I can't really explain the exact emotions, but somehow I suddenly became afraid that if I let go – I would lose him.

The flashbacks came one after another – memories of all the times in the Abbey one of us had been so badly injured or tortured that we were scared to let the other fall asleep, because he might not wake up again. I don't know if you can understand how horrible that is to feel when you're a five, six, maybe seven year old boy. We saw the ugly face of death way too early. We lost our innocence the day we stepped inside the gates of that place. We never had a childhood. The conditions we lived under forced us to become adults before we were ten years old. And now I felt even more like a wreck myself. The urge to drink became harder and harder to deal with, and the guys knew it. In hindsight, I don't know how they managed. With both me and Kai being so completely fucked up and unable to take care of ourselves – must have taken a bigger toll on them than they admit to us. But they did it, and God I love them for it. I've tried to express my gratitude, but they just wave it off, saying that's what family do. And I guess they're right. Bry broke down a little while after BEGA, and we all took care of him then. When Ian stopped eating for months, we were there to take care of him. When Spence broke down and refused to leave his room for six months, we were there for him. No one else was.

There were moments when I had to bite my tongue almost to blood in order not to beg them to give me a drink. Even after that nasty withdrawal, even when the light in my life needed me to be strong, I wanted so bad to just drink it all away. I occupied myself with taking care of Kai like a mother hen, and watching movies around the clock. I had to keep my mind focused at all times, or I felt like I was going crazy. But I'm going ahead of time now.

Kai woke up next morning, and we were relieved to hear that small kitty-like whimper he always makes just before he wakes up. We were all scared he wouldn't wake up again, and let out a breath of pure 'Thank God!' when his eyes finally opened a little. It felt absolutely awful to see how difficult it was for him to even turn his head to look at me.

“Hey, Kai,” I said. Kai can bring out a softness in my voice that I have never been able to use with anyone else. Strange, really. Something I guessed was a smile showed on his face and he managed a;

“Hey, Tal,” before he was out of energy again. His voice was so small. The guys came up to the bed to greet him too, and I knew he was happy when he realized he was at home. We managed to get him to drink some water, but then he fell asleep again. It seemed he was so drained of strength that just greeting us and drinking three sips of water exhausted him – and I had a hunch that it wasn't just his body that was exhausted. Last time he had been home, he had been so over-energetic that I was afraid for him because of that. He was almost manic – but then, the last few days he spent at home, his eyes darkened again and he went silent. And then we just woke up one morning and he was gone without a trace. I seriously don't know how he does it. Even when we've been awake to try and stop him, he slips past us. It's like he's a ghost. Well, he's trained to be one, but I don't like that he uses that training to run away from us.

Three hours later, he woke up again. I felt something poke me on the arm and realized that it was Kai's index finger. I had fallen asleep as well, and ended up laying halfway on top of him. Need I say I hurried to get off him before I accidentally crushed that frail body of his? He gave me another weak smile, and I saw him try to gather energy to speak again.

“Wa-ter...” he finally managed, but I was already pouring him a glass. Mr. D had said lots of fluid, so I was gonna give him lots of fluids. I actually had to stop him from drinking too fast, and I felt a bit relieved at that. We had been afraid that we were gonna have to force him to drink – seeing that Kai can be more stubborn than the entire world population of mules. When I moved to put the glass down, he almost broke my heart by trying to reach for it.

“Hey, easy, Kai,” I said. “You'll get more in a minute. You can't drink too much in one go – it'll make you sick.” Then I was treated to one of the things people don't think Kai would ever be able to do; very sad puppy eyes. He can. And he does it really fucking good. Sometimes he does it just to annoy you, but there are times when he really is all those eyes claim him to be. “I'm sorry, Kai, but we need to be very careful. You mustn't get more sick than you already are. We're here to make you better. Ok?”

At that moment, when Kai tried to gather energy to speak again – Dr. Evans decided to show up, causing Kai to more or less panic. He tried to move to get away, but his body was too weak to move, and I could see his entire body tremble and those wonderful crimson eyes were full of nothing but pure fear. So I got in bed and pulled him into my arms, and I held him like I would hold a small child – something Kai wouldn't ever allow someone to see me do. But he was too busy being frightened at that moment and just hid against my shirt, shaking like a leaf. Thankfully, Evans had enough sense to stop by the door and not try to approach us until Kai had calmed down some. I think it took closer to fifteen minutes of me holding him tight and stroking his midnight hair and small back and just talking soothing words to him before he even stopped shivering. Then it took a few minutes more before he even moved his head to look at the new person. And, I gotta say, Evans is the only doc in this world I have been thankful for having around. He hadn't moved an inch, and was just letting Kai study him for a while. He made no attempts to even speak. Nothing. He just stood there. I felt Kai's grip on my shirt tighten, I guess as much as it could, and I decided to break this deadlock.

“Kai, This is Dr. Evans,” I told him. “He works for the BBA and he's both mine and your new doctor. He's been taking care of me for the past weeks, and now he'll help me take care of you.” I could feel in his stiff posture that Kai wasn't convinced. “He's not hurt me once during these weeks, and the guys will kill him if he does, ok? He's not like the others. He heals, he doesn't hurt. Ok, Kai? I promise I won't let him hurt you. I'll stay right here with you.” He just continued to study the doctor for a few more minutes – eyes narrowed and his grip on my shirt still tight. Then, finally, he gave something of a nod, and I signed for Evans to come over. He squatted down next to the bed, and I carefully turned Kai over so he could look at him – seeing that Kai was still laying on top of me and had hidden his face against my shirt again. Thing is, when Kai is sick, you kinda have to treat him like a wounded animal. He gets really defensive, tends to growl and fight anyone coming to close or try to escape when he's around unfamiliar people. We have all been raised like that. When we are injured or sick, we are vulnerable. Therefore attack is the best defence. Never show anyone how much it hurts or how scared you are. Keep them at a distance at all costs. Which is why we hardly ever go to a hospital with him. Imagine him alone in a ward, trying to fight off all the doctors and nurses because of his experiences and flashbacks when really severely ill. That's nothing short of a disaster – and I don't get how Mr. D managed to have him in a hospital for three weeks. But then again, he said it had been chaotic.

“Hey, Kai,” Evans said calmly. And then Kai did what I expected; he growled. Evans looked at me, and I shook my head.

“He's scared,” I explained. “He hates to have people he doesn't know around him when he's this sick. Be glad he's so weak – or else he could have lunged at you.”

“I see,” was all he said. He didn't seem too frightened or uncomfortable. “Kai, I'm here to help you, just as Tala said. I'm not going to do anything bad to you, ok? Today, I need to listen to your heart and check your blood pressure. Then I'll give you some antibiotics. That's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to ask Tala to help us. We need to weigh you. You're a bit too thin and we need to see how well you're gaining weight back on. Then I'm gonna give you some more antibiotics. Nothing more than that – ok?”

Now, here's another thing I like about Evans. Normally, the doctors always turns to the family to ask – over the head of the person who's sick – which I think is just so disrespectful and rude. He didn't even look at me. He kept eye contact with Kai the whole time, and no doubt endured Kai's unblinking studying. When Kai is watching or studying something very intensely, he hardly even blinks and his eyes doesn't ever flicker. It can be really unnerving, even to us who know him so well. Eventually, Kai nodded and let him do what he had to do. It wasn't a problem until the antibiotics came into the picture. You see, it was supposed to be administered through injections. Kai panicked again. God, it breaks my heart every time that happens! In the end, we had to call Spencer up and have him hold Kai, while I kept his gaze on me and talked to him the whole time. But, in the end, Evans managed to give him the shot, and he didn't even feel it.

After that, Kai had absolutely no energy left and fell asleep again. Which was bad, seeing that he needed food. We managed to wake him up again, three hours later and get some nutritional drinks in him, but he didn't seem to enjoy it much – and I really don't blame him. I took a sip of one of them, and I just wanted to gag. And right after that, he fell asleep on my chest again, still holding on to my shirt. Then I let myself feel some of the pain I had kept away during the day in order to care for him – and again I started crying. I cried because of my own hellish pain and insane urges. I cried because of anger about our so-called childhood and what people did to us. I cried because of worry for Kai and for how much this must hurt the guys too. I don't know how it happened, but when I woke up next morning, all of us were in my bed. Does that surprise you? That the big bad Blitzkrieg Boys can sleep in the same bed? Well, we can and we do. When we need comfort and to feel that someone cares, we just make a human Tetris out of ourselves and sleep together. It was really the only means we had in the Abbey to feel... I guess, loved. Because we all love each other. We really do. No matter what you say, Bryan, Ian, Spencer and Kai are my family. They're the only ones I ever had, and it's the same for them.

Next morning, I had to face the music.
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The Dark Passenger