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Atavism	By : ctsama Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 9192 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball Super, Resurrection 'F', or Battle of Gods or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Serious warnings here folks, graphic child abuse and discussion of rape and torture. Skip this chapter if you have any reservations!
Warped
Goku watched as Vegeta stood, restless, fighting with himself over something. Finally he sat down with his back to the log he’d been sitting on, putting it between him and Goku. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Stay over there Kakarot, I mean it.”
Goku shifted himself until he was sitting opposite Vegeta, facing the other way. It was the last thing Goku wanted but he didn’t want to make things any more difficult for Vegeta than it had to be. “Okay,” he agreed reluctantly. If the illusion of privacy would help, he wouldn’t begrudge it.
It took several more minutes for Vegeta to start talking and Goku would later swear he held his breath all that time as he waited.
“It was a little over two years out since the destruction of Vegeta-sei. I had been idling away for a month as a reward from Freeza for salvaging a mission one of his other teams had botched. So naturally I was very, very bored. When Nappa and I were finally given another mission I didn’t think anything of it. If I wasn’t sent alone I was usually sent with Nappa. But as we were leaving Zarbon joined us. That was strange, he was Freeza’s right hand, but he said Freeza wanted a report on my strength, so I didn’t question it. I just wanted to be doing something again.
“We were to empty the capital city without destroying the infrastructure. The buildings were made of some kind of valuable material or something. I didn’t much care. Zarbon ordered me to handle the job and told Nappa to stay out of it. That suited me fine, I didn’t need or want help or supervision. Their military was pretty fierce, but after a couple of hours I had them overcome. But I was exhausted by the time I was done. It was technical work, much more tiring than just leveling everything.
“Usually we would return to base and let Freeza’s prep teams take it from there, but Zarbon said we had to wait for them to arrive, which would take a couple of days.
“Again, strange, but Zarbon reported directly to Freeza, what could I do. Zarbon found an apartment big enough for the three of us. He and Nappa were eating and talking and I knew I needed to eat too but Zarbon told me to go rest and I did because I was tired. I went to one of the bedrooms and took off my armor. I got in bed. I was one of Freeza’s strongest. But I was eight. I was tired.
“I fell asleep.”
Vegeta was getting lost in the memories. His breathing was uneven, he sped and slowed in his telling and part of Goku wanted to yell at him to stop, that he didn’t want to hear any more. But he’d started this for a reason and he needed to see it through.
“I woke up fighting. I didn’t even realize it was Nappa at first, I just thought I’d missed one of the planet’s military forces. He was on top of me, had my hands pinned over my head and was tearing my clothes off. He was too big to kick off so I just channeled all my ki out and blasted him off me. He crashed through the wall and I didn’t understand. I know on Earth child molesters are almost common, but not on Vegeta-sei. Children could fight, but they were not to be touched, not like that. It didn’t make any sense and I was in shock. Afraid.
“Zarbon must have heard the commotion and walked in. I was ready to go after Nappa and finish the job but Zarbon was smiling. He said I didn’t have Freeza’s permission to kill him, but he sat down next to me and said it was okay, that he’d stay and I could go back to sleep. I can still feel his hand running through my hair sometimes. No one had ever touched me like that before, softness isn’t… Saiyan. Deep down I had always wondered what it felt like. I knew he was stronger than both of us by far and I was so tired and I’d never really been afraid before… He was kind and I thought just this once I could trust someone else to keep me safe. Just this once.
“I was a fool. Such a fucking fool.
“He was still running his hand through my hair when I woke up again, but his other hand had my wrists pinned over my head. Nappa was back, his hand was bigger than my neck and he was crushing my throat so hard I could hardly breathe around it. I looked up at Zarbon, he was supposed to be protecting me but he was just…. smiling down at me. I was a fool.
“I gathered my ki to blast it out again but Zarbon stopped petting me, grabbed my tail and crushed it before I could finish. I hadn’t learned to block the pain yet so that stopped me pretty fast. Nappa stripped down, his cock was huge, too big, I remember wondering what he was going to do with it, that this was some sick joke. Nudity is nothing, but the way he was stroking himself… A Saiyan would never show himself to a child that way. That’s when I realized it was-”
“Ginyu,” Goku said quietly.
“Yes. He had used some pretense to switch bodies with Nappa for the mission. I yelled at him, cursed his name and he was surprised I had figured it out. Zarbon laughed and said he knew I was too smart for his game. I knew Zarbon wouldn’t let me use any energy attacks so when Ginyu climbed on top of me I kicked him in face so hard I broke his nose. I fought, Kakarot. I really did.
“He was pissed and I pulled my legs in for another kick but Zarbon grabbed them and bent me back toward him. Ginyu lined himself up and they both just watched me while I worked out what was about to happen. It actually took me a minute to figure it out, isn’t that pathetic? I cursed at them and I was still trying to kick my feet loose when Ginyu finally tore into me.
“Pain is all there was, I was drowning in it. I thought I would die. Hoped I would die. All I could smell was my own blood, the sheets under me were wet with it. I only heard Ginyu grunting, Zarbon’s occasional laugh and my own screaming. Eventually, it was strange, I knew I was still screaming but no more sound was coming out. I think I’d screamed myself raw. Zarbon let me go when Ginyu finished and pulled out of me and I thought it was finally over but they just flipped me over and started again.
“It just went on and on. The worst was when he sat me on his cock and just hammered me down on him like a gods-damned doll. It made me furious, and some of my strength came back. Zarbon wasn’t holding me then, just watching. He must have thought I had given up, but I hadn’t. I never gave up. I blasted them again and it wasn’t that strong, but it caught them off guard and it hurt them, and hurting them back was all I really wanted. Ginyu let me go and I fell off him. I couldn’t move though, couldn’t fight, couldn’t run and when they recovered they started on me again, only it was worse than before. When Ginyu was done with me he just laughed and tossed me off onto the floor. He held my tail and crushed it in his hand. ‘You might be Freeza’s new favorite pet little monkey, but remember, you’re no match for us.’
“He laughed and left me there with Zarbon. He went back to petting me for a while. I wanted to pull away from him but I couldn’t even do that much, my whole body was split open and my muscles just shook when I tried to use them. Eventually he carried me to the shower and laid me on the floor of it. I was barely conscious, but I remember wanting to get away from his hands. That softness I had wanted was just a lie, he was going to hurt me too. But I couldn’t stand, couldn’t even move.
“He turned the water on, got undressed and got in with me. I tried to scoot away but I couldn’t get very far. He held me like a baby and rinsed me off with his hands and I just waited for it. Finally he laid me back down and kneeled over me, touched my face. He dug into my jaws with his fingers when I tried to pull away. He had his cock jammed down my throat a second later; I think he broke my jaw doing it. I just lay there gagging while he throat fucked me, and he just watched me. He smiled the entire time. He didn’t pull out right away when he came either, just kept watching me choke on it for a few seconds. I threw up when he let me go.
“He got out, dried off and got dressed again. He came back one more time when he was done. He just stared into me and even though my voice didn’t work I just thought ‘fuck off’ at him as hard as I could. I think he heard me. He just smiled again and told me ‘Good, I don’t like spiritless toys.’
“I was still bleeding and he left me there in a pool of my own blood and their seed. I passed out and woke up in a healing tank. My body was too small for what they had done. They’d almost killed me. My internal organs were badly damaged and I’d almost bled to death. It took nearly a week to repair all the damage they’d done. Freeza was angry. I don’t know what he did to them but it was another two years before they came after me again, and even then they never came after me together.
“The shock started to wear off during all that time in the tank; I had a lot of time to think. I realized the attacks wouldn’t end until I was strong enough to end them myself. In their eyes I had taken Freeza’s favor and they were right. Zarbon and Ginyu were his favorites before I came along and then I had taken his attention, his pet attack monkey. I was small but powerful, like him, and I craved battle. When I asked for a mission, I got it. I was rarely chastised. Of course Zarbon and Ginyu wanted to put me in my place. Freeza didn’t know about that first attack before it happened but I knew he would keep allowing them to do it because he wanted me strong enough to take over his army someday and he knew this was a shortcut to my gaining power.
“At one point I thought that once I lost a child’s body they would lose interest, but it never happened. It continued for over a decade. The games changed but they never tired of me. Variations on a theme. For Ginyu it was about inflicting the most pain possible, for Zarbon it was about twisting my mind and trying to humiliate me.
“The means were different but they both wanted to see me broken, to beg for mercy. They planned to keep using me until I killed myself or died from it. I was small for my age. Small, but strong, and I decided that I would use them to get stronger. No matter what they did to me I didn’t submit. ‘Beg me to stop fucking you.’ ‘Suck my cock voluntarily and I won’t make you bleed later.’ ‘Call my name, slut. Tell me it feels good.’ It didn’t matter what they demanded. I never gave in, not once. That always enraged them. And the more they beat me, the more violent the rapes, the stronger I was when I healed. All I had to do was survive.
“When they came after me I made them bleed for everything they took, and each time I was able to inflict more damage than the last. The day came when fucking me was more trouble than it was worth. I thought I was finally free of it then, but that’s... when Freeza took over himself. He was worse than both of them. But he taught me an important lesson. True freedom only comes with being the strongest.”
Goku couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed himself angrily to his feet, stalked away a few steps and tried to find his center again. He had known it would be bad but this neverending hell was far beyond his worst imaginings.
Vegeta heard him getting up, a short joyless bark of laughter escaped him. “So now you see. To sleep, even to have the appearance of vulnerability in the presence of others is to invite attack. To touch or be touched is nothing but a lie to me. Being intimate with a mate? How? I have an enthusiastic standing invitation to the woman’s bed, but I took it only long enough for her to conceive because every time I lay with her, no matter how gentle I was, no matter how many times I gave her pleasure I was still terrified that I would hurt her. Because in that arena giving and receiving pain is all I know. And what if I took a mate? How could I protect them when I couldn’t even protect myself? It’s completely pointless, impossible.”
“Vegeta… that’s…”
“Kakarot, don’t. Don’t say anything, there is nothing to say. You wanted to know why I’m like this and now you do, that’s all. We both knew I was weak before this, and now you know just how weak I really am. Sleep now. If you are gone come morning I will understand, but if you remain, and have any kindness left in you for me you’ll pretend none of this ever happened. I will do the same.”
After a moment of silence he heard Goku move, away from him to sleep or to leave most likely. Vegeta buried his face in his hands, dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and was surprised at the dampness that soaked into his gloves.
He shivered and couldn’t stop. He had long ago acknowledged Goku as the stronger between them. But for the other Saiyan to know exactly how much stronger he was was torture of the highest order.
He jerked when the log at his back went skittering away and strong arms wrapped around him from behind, pulled him backward into a warm, hard chest.
“Kakarot, what-”
“Shhh,” Goku shushed quietly. He took Vegeta’s hands in his and reached for one of the ever-present gloves. Vegeta recovered enough from his shock to pull his hand away. “I don’t want your pity.”
Though the words were harsh, his tone had been confused and Goku couldn’t help responding. “I never could have survived what you went through, Vegeta,” he murmured, voice shaking. “You’ve never told anyone, not ever. No one else knows, do they?” Vegeta shook his head mutely, shocked beyond measure to realize Goku was crying, shedding tears, for him. “That’s why you fought fusing with me, you didn't know if you could hide all this, but you did, I never saw any of it.
“I got angry with you when you went after Ginyu… for attacking someone who couldn’t fight back.” Vegeta shuddered with the memory and Goku closed his eyes knowing now how deeply those words had hurt. “I’m so sorry…”
He took Vegeta’s hands again and this time he didn’t fight it. “I feel a lot of things for you, but pity isn’t one of them. My god, how did you survive? You are so strong. I don’t think even you really understand how strong you are. You weren’t a fool. You were a child. A child where no child should have been. I know you fought. You always fight and you never give up.”
He slid the gloves off and dropped them to the ground. When that was done his left hand returned to Vegeta’s, interlocking their fingers. With his right hand he touched Vegeta’s forehead and tilted his head back to rest on his shoulder. “I know how tired you are, I can feel it. You’ve carried this for so long, all alone. Close your eyes. I’m here now. You can sleep. I won’t harm you.”
Vegeta’s heartbeat was so hard and fast it shook both their bodies. With another wave of sorrow Goku realized Vegeta was utterly terrified of his nearness. In Goku’s childhood, this closeness meant safety and warmth. In Vegeta’s it had simply been a warning that pain was coming.
Goku was afraid this wouldn’t work. But he wasn’t about to give up easily. He kept his breathing even and kept still. The pain Vegeta expected failed to come, perhaps for the first time in his life. Eventually his body began to relax. Between the exertion of sparring, the stress of reliving the past and his utter disbelief of Goku’s acceptance, Vegeta finally couldn’t keep his eyes open. His head drooped to the side a bit and Goku realized he was asleep. He lowered them both gently to the ground, pillowing Vegeta’s head on his arm and curling around him from behind.
Vegeta awakened a few times at first, scrambling away in alarm and eyeing him warily. Each time Goku just stayed where he was, extended his hand and waited. And each time after a few moments Vegeta had slowly taken his hand - so hesitantly, as if expecting to be struck, and looking away each time as he did so - and come back. It broke Goku’s heart that he looked away, felt ashamed for taking the proffered support.
The last time, though, was different. After a few moments he had spoken, so softly. “Why, Kakarot? Why are you trying to help me?”
Goku swallowed hard. He was so sadly, terribly alone. “Because I can. And because I want to.”
Goku watched him teeter on the brink of some difficult decision for some minutes. Finally he reached out. Took Goku’s hand again and it was so strange. Those hands that had mercilessly killed, that had destroyed entire planets touched his so gently. Vegeta returned to him, averting his eyes as usual. But this time he didn’t turn away. He tucked himself into Goku’s arms facing him and fell asleep again within seconds. This time it was Goku’s turn to have palpitations as he breathed in the scent of the man gathered up into his arms.
Goku felt warm inside and out. This is what he wanted, what he had kept reaching for and failing to attain with Chi-Chi. Vegeta had been right earlier, he’d had no idea what he was doing when they married. Everyone had seemed so happy though, and he had promised to marry her when they were children. He thought it was just the right thing to do.
But things hadn’t worked out the way Chi-Chi wanted, and he hadn’t really known enough to have any expectations to begin with.
She wanted the life of a housewife and mother, with an adoring husband and devoted father. He had grown to care for her deeply and tried his best, but he just couldn’t make it work. He had been raised by and with humans, but he would never be human enough for her.
Most days she at least realized he was trying. But both of them became increasingly frustrated and neither knew what to do about it, so Chi-Chi pushed him away, focusing on being a mother. Goku welcomed the distance, taking refuge in training and battle, and increasingly, in Vegeta.
He sought out the other man for sparring sessions, training, anything he could think of as often as he could come up with an excuse for no other reason than he just liked being around him. He had no idea whether or not Vegeta felt the same way; he was always so guarded. But he said yes far more often than he said no. And he gave in to almost every silly whim Goku had, teaching him the sword because it ‘looked cool,’ and working out and teaching him how to fire eye lasers for the same reason. Oh, he had grumbled and yelled and even sworn Goku to secrecy as to his part in the whole affair, but he had done it.
Vegeta, Prince of All Saiyans, who had no qualms about defying opponents stronger than him even in the face of his own death had said yes to those silly things, just because Goku had asked. When they sparred Vegeta didn’t choose places that he liked anymore, he chose places that Goku liked. He brought extra food when he thought Goku might need it, had even made a habit of tucking Goku back under his kicked-off blanket in the middle of the night when he thought he was asleep.
His eyes snapped open. Vegeta was taking care of him, did feel the same way, did want to be closer to him. But he was right, he was broken, too broken to understand what he was even feeling, let alone know what to do about it.
'And what if I took a mate? How could I protect them when I couldn’t even protect myself?'
It had never even occurred to Vegeta that a worthy mate would have been able to protect him.
He held Vegeta tighter to him. His thoughts churned as his world reordered itself behind this startling new revelation. Sleep was long in coming.
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Vegeta slowly woke with the sun. He felt Goku’s arms still around him, light snores sounding somewhere over his head which was tucked nicely into Goku’s chest. He inhaled deeply. His scent might have changed, but Goku’s hadn’t, and he smelled just as good to Vegeta as he always had. He briefly wondered if the awakened mutation was having a calming effect on his nerves or if it was just Goku’s acceptance of him and his past.
Either way, he felt plain, uncomplicated good, and it was an amazing feeling. He tilted his chin up slightly and Goku curled around him a little more in his sleep, the movement burying his face into Goku’s neck. He sighed, belatedly realizing that Goku’s closeness was triggering something, but it was too late to do anything about it and he felt too nice to care. A few seconds later he gasped in pain as a cramping began deep in his guts. Goku came awake all at once and backed off enough to see Vegeta cross his arms protectively over his stomach and curl in.
“Vegeta!” he cried, pulling the smaller man against him. “What’s wrong?” He moved to start an instant transmission to the Lookout, but Vegeta noticed and snatched his hand away from his forehead.
“It’s okay,” he muttered, and it was. The pain had been intense but it was already lessening. Having Dende poking around in his ki and asking questions was the last thing he needed right now. “I’m fine, just stomach cramps. Must be hungry.”
Goku huffed at him. “Well good morning to you too, jeez! You scared me!”
Vegeta chuckled. “Your own fault. You are too easily excitable. Go back to sleep. I’ll go buy you breakfast.” He got up, stretched carefully, and when no more pain assaulted him he took some string out of his bag and headed for the stream. How the hell Goku could stomach singed fish for breakfast Vegeta would never know, but it was his favorite and he felt like being nice. He also needed to check something and needed privacy.
He dove into the water in his clothes, then stripped the material off in the water to give it a bit of a scrub before throwing it back onto the bank. He dove beneath the surface and felt for Goku’s ki, making sure he was still asleep. He reached a hand between his legs, searching with his fingers. Toward the end of all the cramping he’d felt something sharp and tearing, and sure enough there was another hole there, between his balls and his anus.
So understandably he panicked, spluttering up to the surface and coughing out the water he’d just inhaled. ‘It’s okay, I should have expected that,’ he said to himself trying to logic his way out of the panic attack. “Fucking hell,” he muttered. After a few minutes of breathing exercises he calmed down again. Nature had given his line the mutation, and nature would have to work the rest out because Vegeta sure as hell didn’t know where to go next.
He had promised Goku breakfast so he set out to catching it. It seemed none of the Saiyans had any love for fishing poles and Vegeta was no exception. Hunting was hunting, in the water or out, though he did prefer a more stealthy approach than Goku’s. He found a fish nesting area and dropped his hands to the bottom, holding perfectly still except for a gentle ‘give’ that matched the current of the stream.
The disturbed fish returned after a few minutes and Vegeta hauled one, then another out of the stream and tossed them onto the bank. Once he had five, he tied them all together and let them drift in the water while he used his ki to dry his clothes. When he was finished he stood to get dressed again, only to have his clothes slip from nerveless fingers when he turned around.
He hadn’t even heard or sensed Goku moving, he was just there, a couple of feet away staring. Nudity was nothing new between them, but suddenly his body felt hot and he was very aware of the fact that he was completely exposed. “Kakarot…?” Goku didn’t react to his question, didn’t even seem to hear him. He took one halting step toward him, then another. It almost looked like he was being drawn forward against his will.
For his part Vegeta could not move, not even an inch. He shuddered as Goku moved forward, but his gaze seemed to hold him immobile. There was some trigger his body was waiting on, he could feel it, but he had no clue as to what it was. He could only wait.
They stood like that for almost a full minute, just staring at each other, vibrating with an intensity neither one of them understood. Finally Goku reached out, with a small, almost desperate sound and fisted his hand in Vegeta’s hair. He pulled back almost gently, exposing his throat. Vegeta grunted at the treatment and Goku buried his face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply, moaning as he did so. He circled his arm around Vegeta’s body and pulled him closer, the material of Goku’s pants the only barrier between his heavy erection and its desired home.
Vegeta was frozen until he felt Goku’s lips parting at his throat. That released something in him and his world went molten. ‘Not yet!’ thundered through his entire being.
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Did you survive the chapter? Angry with me for leaving it where I did? Let me know what you think! :)
b-chan: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ <=You see that? That’s the wavelength. We’re on the same one. :D Okay, seriously, yes, I am going to *attempt* an explanation of SSGSS based on theory, but who knows if it’ll end up being accurate. I see Vegeta as being on the same ride as Goku but from the other side. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen either; there hasn’t been anyone like him in a thousand years. Thank you for such a thoughtful review!
wistfulmuse: Most of the editing I do is ‘hmm… I can’t really hear [so and so] saying that,’ keeping everyone in character is important to me. Thank you!
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Atavism