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Maintaining	By : Pixelgoddess Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7968 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Family
- 2-Weakness
- 3-Regret
- 4-Preparations
- 5-Picnic
- 6-Realization
- 7-Releasing
- 8-Light
- 9-Protector
- 10-Pissy!?
- 11-Roommates?
- 12-Discoveries
- 13-Last
- 14-Falling
- 15-Fever
- 16-Fire
- 17-Steam
- 18-Tango
- 19-Shadows
- 20-Burning
- 21-Paranoia
- 22-Fitting In
- 23-Ties
- 24-Bonds?
- 25-Awakenings
- 26-Goodbye
- 27-Companion
- 28-Wet
- 29-Knots
- 30-Warnings
- 31-Sidelined
- 32-Daze
- 33-Fear
- 34-Heat
- 35-Comfort
- 36-Fury
- 37-Memory
- 38-Landing
- 39-Torture
- 40-Death
- 41-Anger
- 42-Victory?
- 43-Remorse
- 44-Healing
- 45-Belonging
- 29
- 30
- 31
Maintaining

By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst, sap. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.

Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.

Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 30 - Warnings

Vegeta opened his eyes to the sound of Kakarott's growling. He frowned - the baka was still asleep. He felt for the threat that his companion sensed as he glanced at the clock. Two in the afternoon. Vegeta smirked as he realized what the 'threat' was and lightly smacked Kakarott to wake him up.

"Knock it off, you baka. It's the woman - probably bringing the new house."

He grinned and kissed his exhausted and confused companion before crawling over him to get out of bed. Vegeta slid into black gi pants, making sure they rode low on his hips, displaying his fading bruises proudly. Done, he turned to look at Kakarott, tail curled enticingly behind him.

"Kakarott, are you planning on getting out of bed? Or putting some clothes on? Unless you intend to go out undressed. I am sure the woman would enjoy seeing you naked - I certainly do."

Kakarott swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed the scar on his head. "I'll get dressed," he yawned.

"Thought so. Here," he said tossing him a pair of jeans. "Better hurry. She's landing now, and knowing her she'll just come barging in uninvited."

~~~~~~~~

He was right, of course. He smirked as he realized the woman had landed right in front of the hole in the wall. He opened the bathroom door and leaned against the frame, arms crossed, waiting for her to realize he was there.

"I'll kill him! I'll absolutely, positively kill him! I cannot believe that bastard did this!" Bulma was seething, fists clenched, staring around the blasted room in shock.

"Aren't guests supposed to use the front door?" Vegeta asked, tail flicking.

"VEGETA!" Bulma stormed towards him, slipping on the debris, Vegeta's arms the only thing keeping her from falling on her face.

He helped her to her feet, grinning at her angry mutters as she brushed the dirt away - he had always liked the woman's fire. Kakarott now stood behind him and he was careful to keep himself between the two. He didn't think his companion would do anything to the woman, but he had developed an interesting tendency to growl at perceived threats. Vegeta just wanted to give him a moment to think instead of relying on newly discovered instincts. He brushed his tail against Kakarott's wrist in reassurance before returning his attention to the angry woman.

"Damn it, Vegeta! I said I would give you a bigger house - but that didn't mean you had to blow up this one!"

"You're rich, woman. You can afford it," Vegeta answered.

Goku just stared. Now that he knew who it was, he didn't feel threatened, but he liked that Vegeta took a moment to let him know he thought about him. He wanted to coil his tail around Vegeta's to show Bulma she couldn't have him anymore - but that seemed...silly. He glanced at his prince and grinned - he did have a very nice tail.

"Goku!"

"Wha-?" Goku snapped his attention away from Vegeta to see two bright, angry blue eyes boring into him.

"I thought you would keep an eye on him! How could you let him do this? I could have sold this place!"

He backed up as she poked his chest punctuating each word, her nails leaving little dents his skin, nervously scratching the scar on his head.

"I'm sorry," he sputtered, trying to get away, stopping only when the back of the sofa trapped him. "I...we...I..." He didn't know which was worse - these spears of Bulma's, or Chichi's fortunately forgotten frying pan.

Goku was relieved when his prince rescued him.

Vegeta slid between the two of them and captured her wrists, growling. "Stop." He kept her hands away from Kakarott, keeping her still as she glared at him, breathing hard in her fury. He waited for her to calm down, the rage fading in her eyes, before releasing her.

Bulma took a step back and glanced over her shoulder at the destruction behind her. "Okay Vegeta, want to tell me why?"

Vegeta smirked. "Sex."

Bulma stared at him in shock. "You want me to have sex with you so you will tell me?"

He chuckled at Kakarott's growl, quickly squelched. "No woman. That happened during sex."

"Oh right. You came so hard you blew out a wall," she said sarcastically, her own arms crossed.

"Well, I was a Super Saiyan at the time."

He heard Kakarott's intake of breath as he realized where this conversation was going, and felt his rush of fear. Vegeta looped his tail loosely around his companion's arm, reassuring him. The woman would find out eventually - he was not about to try to hide his companion from everyone. He did not think the woman would react like the idiot monk, but if she did he would protect Kakarott from her hatred.

"Don't be ridiculous. What did you do with her body? I remember what happened to me when you lost control. Damn it, Vegeta. I am not going to help you if you have gone back to killing people."

Vegeta narrowed his eyes at her and growled. "No one died, woman." That was too close to his nightmares to ignore. And he had not meant to hurt her - he hadn't realized how fragile ningen were yet.

"Cut the crap Vegeta. No one is strong enough to..."

Kakarott shifted to the side so he could wrap his own tail around his wrist. Chocolate eyes looked down at him and he could hear ::No... Not Bulma too. She's going to hate me.::

Vegeta watched carefully as her eyes slid over his companion. He had been rather aggressive in his kisses and had left marks and bruises Kakarott's neck.

"...oh..."

He stood still, feeling Kakarott's worry, as she continued to study them. ::It will be all right, Kakarott.:: he thought, hoping his companion could hear him. He saw her look at the marks on his hips and Kakarott's shoulders and he suddenly wished he hadn't started this 'game' with the woman. Kakarott was not happy - he was afraid of her response. He should have been more considerate of his concerns - but it was too late now.

"G-Goku?" she said in a tiny voice. "You...you and...Vegeta? I-I..."

"Woman, if you faint, I will let your ass fall," Vegeta growled, wrapping his tail around Kakarott's waist.

"Vegeta..." Kakarott breathed.

"And if you dare say one negative thing to Kakarott, I will throw you back to Capsule Corp, mother of my son or not."

Bulma moved to sink into a nearby chair, still staring. He was getting close to growling at her as he felt his companion's fear rise the longer she was silent.

It was a tense minute later - he was certain Kakarott would have bolted if he hadn't kept him trapped with his tail - before she finally shook her head bemusedly and gave a resigned sigh.

"Does this mean you two are going to keep blowing the house up?" she asked, grinning.

"Maybe," Vegeta answered, smirking back.

"Do you think you can hold off on the exploding Saiyan sex until I get a chance to redesign and reinforce this place?"

"No promises, woman." He felt Kakarott starting to relax, but his companion was still worried.

"I wish you had said something when you called. I would have designed this," she held up a capsule, "out of the same material as the Gravity Room."

"B-Bulma?" Kakarott's voice was quiet, subdued. "You're not...bothered?"

Bulma blinked up at him. "No. You surprised me, though. At you more than Vegeta. I had never figured you for...well - liking guys. And even if I had, there is no way I would have pictured you and Vegeta - you know - together. But it doesn't bother me...well, maybe a little, but I'll get over it. As long as you guys are happy..." she turned and glared at Vegeta, "...and quit destroying property."

Vegeta felt his companion relax. "See Kakarott? I knew she wouldn't be the same as that asshole." He loosened his tail around Kakarott's waist and turned to stare up into relieved brown eyes.

"Asshole? Who? Goku, what happened?" Bulma asked.

"That idiot monk told him they weren't friends anymore."

"Krillin?" Bulma rushed over and threw her arms around him, the tall Saiyan hugging her back. Vegeta just smirked and got out of the way of the blue tornado. "Oh Goku. I'm so sorry. You've been friends for so long. Don't worry - we're still okay. But quit keeping secrets like this from me."

Vegeta resisted the urge to pull her off his companion. Kakarott's worry had vanished, and the woman was making him feel better. But he only resisted a minute before tapping her on the shoulder, making her let go.

"Mine," he growled, glaring at her as she smirked at him.

oooooooooooooo

Vegeta ran his fingers over the controls of the Gravity Room. The woman certainly was feeling guilty. He was certain he was going to have to encourage that. Before she left the woman had explained some changes and refinements she had made - new weapons, gravity-change sequences...even a zero-G setting. She saw new products and dollar signs, but he saw sex with Kakarott in free-fall.

He planned to begin at a low setting - 5Gs. He had regained much of his strength, but it had been months since he had been able to work out under the higher pressure. His intention was to work up gradually - although his gradual meant he would be at 20Gs by the end of the day.

He grinned - then paused for a moment to realize he was doing that a hell of a lot lately. It seemed Kakarott was rubbing off on him - which didn't seem to be a totally bad thing. He was acting uncharacteristically happy - which made Kakarott even happier.

And his companion had been painfully cheerful before he left. Once Kakarott realized the woman was not going to be a bitch about them being together he had returned to his normal self. Vegeta had cursed at him, shocked, when the big baka had glomped onto him. And the woman had snickered and said, 'Aww, Veggie, that is so cute.' Kakarott had gotten a positively evil grin on his face. He responded by hitting the large Saiyan in the ass with a blast of ki, making him drop him. 'Kakarott,' he warned, 'NO ONE calls me Veggie - including the blue-haired bitch.' She laughed and he glared at her before returning his attention to his companion. 'And if you ever call me that, YOU ARE NOT GETTING ANY FOR TWO DAYS!'

Later, he entered the kitchen to find the pair huddled together, heads touching. They both swiveled their heads up to look at him like some psycho dolls from one of the brat's horror movies, then started laughing. He growled at them, grabbed some food out of the refrigerator, and stormed out of the house to eat. Maybe this was a mistake leaving the two together. He glared at the crew setting up the Gravity Room, wondering what in the hell was taking them so long, and when the woman would leave - Kakarott was his, damn it, and she was monopolizing his attention right now.

Fortunately for her - because he could feel the possessive growl building - Kakarott had come out a few minutes later. His companion had stood close behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and begun purring for him. Vegeta leaned back against his firm chest, savoring the heat. He liked the woman - she was intriguing and passionate about everything. Kakarott though...he was so much more...

~~So why don't you admit it?~~

The fucking voice was back. And he swore the damn thing was shouting at him.

--I don't need to.--

~~Coward.~~

--I am not a coward.-

~~So what are you waiting for?~~

--I'm not...ready.-

~~So you make Goku wait.~~

--He will.-

~~Of course he will. Because he is in love with you.~~

--Yes.-

~~Maybe you think you don't deserve him. Is that why you always let him use you?~~

--He doesn't use me.-

~~Liar. You are always uke.~~

--That's not using. There is nothing wrong with it. Just because someone is uke, it doesn't mean they are being used or weak or submissive. -

~~Then why aren't you ever the one doing the fucking?~~

--It's not fucking! It's...it's...--

~~What's the matter monkey? Scared to say it? Why haven't you ever taken him?~~

He had sometimes been seme with Radditz - but that had been in the beginning. But one day...it changed - he couldn't. He knew Radditz wanted him, but all he knew was the need to cause him pain. He couldn't do it...their stolen time was always about pleasure - he couldn't betray him like that. Somehow the lizard had taken that from him - and he never knew how. Radditz might trust him, but he couldn't trust himself.

"Because I'm not a monster like Frieza."

~~So Goku is a monster.~~

--NO!-

~~Then why? What if he wants you to?~~

He felt himself shaking as the nightmare visions filled his head. Frieza just standing there, laughing, while he...while he... No! GodS no! He would never rape his son! The visions changed and it was Radditz beneath him, beaten and bloody, near death. And Kakarott - bound and weeping tears of hurt and betrayal.

--I...can't...It will get free...--

~~What will get free, pet?~~

--The...the monster...he made. It will...attack. I'll hurt him, and Trunks. The dreams will be real. I've kept it locked away. I can't let it out.-

~~So you want to protect him. Sounds like love to me.~~

What was this fixation the voice had on the subject? He wasn't even sure what love was. These emotions confused him, and the voice was making it hard to think.

~~Maybe you are just saving yourself for Lord Frieza, then. You have always belonged to him, after all.~~

"NO FUCKING WAY! I will destroy that lizard next time. I will never belong to that freak."

~~Are you sure?~~

ooooooooooooooooooooo

Goku arrived at the waterfall, standing directly in front of Piccolo who was floating, meditating. He hadn't wanted to leave Vegeta alone, but the prince insisted - he wanted to test himself in the Gravity Room.

"Goku," Piccolo said, opening his eyes and sliding out of his pose to settle gracefully on his feet.

"What's going on, Piccolo? Gohan called and said you wanted to talk to me."

"Dende says-"

Goku snarled at the name, eyes flashing, tail snapping.

Piccolo crossed his arms and stared at him. Goku was displaying an anger worthy of Vegeta.

"You know," he said.

"He hurt my prince," he growled,

Piccolo sighed. "Technically, he didn't. Vegeta hurt himself - and you. But he did leave him unhealed for days."

"Why?" he snarled.

"Son, if I tell you, what are you going to do? I don't particularly care if you kill him, but I don't think this is a good time to lose the dragonballs."

Goku stopped growling when Piccolo said 'kill'. He stared at his friend, confused. Vegeta had tried to warn him about these emotional swings as their bond formed, but he didn't think it would be so overwhelming.

"Vegeta doesn't want me to do anything," he said quietly. "Said he is just a child."

"He said that? Must be your influence - either that, or he is mellowing in his old age." He suddenly got a mental image of Vegeta grinning and scratching his head like Goku and smirked.

Goku sunk to the ground, suddenly exhausted.

"You know Goku, you've been doing that a lot lately."

Goku blinked up at him. "What?"

"Growling. You've done it to me a couple of times," he answered, sitting down next to him.

"I know," he said, sighing. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to. It just...happens. Every time I think about Vegeta..."

"You've gotten protective since he became your boyfriend." Piccolo chuckled at the blush that crossed the Saiyan's cheeks as he smiled. "But Goku, you do know I'm not interested in him like that, don't you? We're friends, nothing more."

"Yeah, I know. But it seems to be an instinct or something..."

"Oh, do not tell me you are going through late puberty or something. After Gohan, I couldn't stand that again."

Goku grinned over at him. "It's a little too late for that, don't you think? Anyway, Vegeta says it is because of our bond."

"Boy, you've got it bad, don't you?" Piccolo said, shaking his head.

"What?"

"You love him."

"GodS yes - so much that it hurts to breathe. I would do anything for him. But he is so...broken. He tries to escape the past, but it is fresh and painful in his dreams..." He closed his eyes as he thought about his prince. The voice was after him again, but Goku didn't understand why he was fighting with it - Why would Vegeta be afraid to admit he loved him?

"His ki is shifting again," Piccolo said, concentrating.

"It's the voice," Goku whispered. "It's attacking him again."

"Voice? Goku, are you saying he is hearing things?" Piccolo looked at him, worried. This was worse than he thought.

"He...hears...Frieza. His ki shifts and fades every time."

"But - Frieza is dead. How can that be?"

"I don't know. Neither does Vegeta. He only talked about it once - said it was just his doubts. But, it says...horrible things. He fights with it - argues - but I'm afraid part of him believes the lies." Goku had been holding in his fear for his prince for so long. He couldn't do it alone anymore - he needed help. Now he just wanted Piccolo to tell him what to do - to help him save Vegeta.

"It happened when we were sparring," Piccolo said thoughtfully. "I mentioned something about it and it stopped."

"The same thing happened to me. We were...I heard it. I thought it was Vegeta. He acted like it was separate - like he had no control over it. But it stopped whenever Vegeta knew I was around."

"Son, I didn't know it was this bad. I'm worried. Vegeta is my friend, but the idea of a mentally unstable Super Saiyan is terrifying. I remember Brolli."

Goku looked at him, horror-stricken. "Piccolo, what do I do? He's fine when we are together. Does this mean I can never leave him alone? That would be like keeping him a prisoner. I can't put him through that again."

"I'm afraid you are going to have to for now. If he does...break, you are the only one who has any chance of controlling or stopping him."

Goku closed his eyes and listened. Vegeta wasn't trying to block him at all. He could hear his latest battle...and he was the subject. He didn't understand the conflict. When he was with Vegeta it was for pleasure and love - it didn't matter who did what - so why did the voice care? And why was Vegeta so afraid?

~~What if he wants you to?~~

--I...can't...It will get free...--

~~What will get free, pet?~~

--The...the monster...he made. It will...attack. I'll hurt him, and Trunks. The dreams will be real. I've kept it locked away. I can't let it out.-

"Goku? Can you hear me?" Piccolo frowned. He didn't know things had gotten this bad. Vegeta seemed to be doing better, his ki recovering. He was even cheerful - for Vegeta. But now that he thought about it, Goku was usually nearby. This meant a change of plans.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Good. Now listen to me. We will figure something out, but it will have to wait a few days."

"Wait? Why?" Goku asked, bewildered.

"Because there is a ship approaching Earth."

TBC

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Notes - Just shy of 6000 hits on AFF. I'm wondering how close I can get to
10,000 before this story is finished. I doubt it will happen, but it would be
really cool. And I'm making another fast update. The story is quickly moving
into drama-land…and I can't wait to see how it all comes out. *g* Chapter
31 is already started. Do you think Vegeta should realize Goku is trying to
hide something from him? Should he sense the ship himself?

Macha - Glad you liked Vegeta and Radditz. I know what it is like to have a
strong opinion, but can't assemble the facts in a way to be able to prove it
to anyone else. I was looking back at other chapters - I think I kind of messed
up Vegeta's age for one chapter, but it has no impact on the story. It is just
annoying to screw up like that.

~Evil - I think this chapter sort of explains why Vegeta is uke here. Frieza
messed him up, and he knows it, so he is fighting with himself. He doesn't want
to hurt Goku (or Radditz).

Suisheu - Vegeta took the blame because he didn't want to lose his friend.
This happened before he had sex with Radditz, but he already knew he was the
only one he could trust.

Getarian - I had referred to Zarbon hurting him before. The injury was severe
enough he wasn't sure if he would even be able to walk again. I wanted a valid
(to me) reason for Vegeta to be so much shorter than every other Saiyan we have
seen.

We get to see the 'softer' side of Vegeta because of Goku's influence through
the bond. Goku has always been the forgiving one - now it is Vegeta's turn.

'The Voice' - maybe I should have named this story that. *g* We should find
out what the voice is in a couple of chapters - getting there.

I am not a big fan of 'gods' usually - and like to kick their asses now and
then. I never thought it was fair that formerly evil Piccolo got to go to train
with King Kai, but Vegeta is never forgiven. Starts all kinds of religious questions
that can cause fights with some people, so I usually leave the subject alone.

MoonGoddess06 - Don't worry - they have more to go through. And it isn't going
to be pretty, trust me.

Sarkywoman - Personally, I just walk away from idiots. If I knew Krillin, he
wouldn't exist in my mind anymore.

SexySiriusBlack - Every review feeds me! It sounds like you have just discovered
this story - glad you are here.

Jaygoose - I used to be more of a history buff than I am now. But I can't get
years straight on much before 1900 (except for major dates - you know, 1776
and such.) Mythology is more my thing now.

Ice Maiden - Thanks for the compliment.

Pride of a Saiyan - What? You want it to end? *g* I don't know how long this
will be, but my current estimate is 40+ chapters. (I know, you don't really
mean it. Thanks for the comments.)

Jay - Well, that is a good idea…but HOW do you punish a god?

Velvet Curse - Sadly, there must be unhappiness, so their good times feel even
better. AND you get another fast update.

Elenek - I've decided to keep them semi-blended, although it will even out
eventually. Vegeta has become more forgiving, but Goku is struggling with his
aggression. Finish your story. Post it. That is a command from the Goddess.

Jewel - Actually, history is kind of fun - like lots of stories. Problem is,
most history textbooks suck. I had a history teacher that loved Colonial America
- I enjoyed his class because he enjoyed teaching it. Brought in antique tools,
showed us how to make things like they did…It has been 25 years, and I
still remember his class.

Eien ni kawaii - Glad you are enjoying this.
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Maintaining

~~So why don't you admit it?~~

~~Coward.~~

~~So what are you waiting for?~~

~~So you make Goku wait.~~

~~Of course he will. Because he is in love with you.~~

~~Maybe you think you don't deserve him. Is that why you always let him use you?~~

~~Liar. You are always uke.~~

~~Then why aren't you ever the one doing the fucking?~~

~~What's the matter monkey? Scared to say it? Why haven't you ever taken him?~~

~~So Goku is a monster.~~

~~Then why? What if he wants you to?~~

~~What will get free, pet?~~

~~So you want to protect him. Sounds like love to me.~~

~~Maybe you are just saving yourself for Lord Frieza, then. You have always belonged to him, after all.~~

~~Are you sure?~~

~~What if he wants you to?~~

~~What will get free, pet?~~

So why don't you admit it?

Coward.

So what are you waiting for?

So you make Goku wait.

Of course he will. Because he is in love with you.

Maybe you think you don't deserve him. Is that why you always let him use you?

Liar. You are always uke.

Then why aren't you ever the one doing the fucking?

What's the matter monkey? Scared to say it? Why haven't you ever taken him?

So Goku is a monster.

Then why? What if he wants you to?

What will get free, pet?

So you want to protect him. Sounds like love to me.

Maybe you are just saving yourself for Lord Frieza, then. You have always belonged to him, after all.

Are you sure?

What if he wants you to?

What will get free, pet?