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The Road to Kindness	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7935 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Road to Kindness
　

Chapter 7

Part 24
　

There was something about how dark his house was when he got home that made Wufei�s heart twist in a knot. His parents wouldn�t be home for at least a half an hour, but seeing the house with no lights coming from its windows, no cars in the drive, no cheerful chatter sounding from the front door, made him feel indescribably lonely. It wasn�t even something that was new to him. The phrase, he believed, was �latch-key kid.� Or maybe that wasn�t entirely correct, but more often than not, when he got home from school, his parents were still at work. His father only worked from Wednesday to Sunday and his mother had Saturday and Sunday off, unless there was an emergency, so seeing the house so dark shouldn�t have been so shocking. True, they were coming home later than usual, but there was no reason for him to feel this way. Still, tonight� tonight he wasn�t quite sure if he wanted to be alone.

He waved as Name drove off, after promising that she would call him tomorrow morning when she planned to pick him up again. He might have gone home before Duo had woken up, but he would definitely be there for him tomorrow morning when he got released. As soon as he got his spare key from his pocket, got the front door open, and was inside his house, he flipped the lights on. It didn�t make him feel any better. In the kitchen, his mother had already put out everything he needed to start the stir fry and her note to add as much garlic as he wanted; something that he loved and she hated, made him smile. She had been doing a lot of things like that for him lately. He wondered if she felt like she hadn�t done enough to prevent Fai�s leaving, or if she just felt bad for him. Either way, as little and simplistic as her efforts were, they did make him feel a tiny bit less lonely. It reminded him that, even though his boyfriend had left him and he still hadn�t heard from him, he had his friends and family, people that loved him and wanted to help him through this.

He got the heavy wok from one of the kitchen cabinets, covered the inside of it with vegetable oil, and turned on the stove. It was still too early to start cooking, his mother would take care of that, but the oil took a long time to heat properly and he wanted to get all the vegetables and meats cut up before they got home. Getting a clean knife from the drawer, he started to peel and chop the garlic. When he had left the hospital, he had felt relieved because he was finally getting some time to himself, but now that he had� it made something inside of him feel cold and hollow.

He couldn�t stop thinking, couldn�t stop remembering what had happened, damn, just hours ago, thought it felt like days already. Maybe it was just his desperate mind, trying to distance him from it all, or maybe he was just that tired. The terrifying image of Wes� cold, grey eyes flashed through him and Wufei had to put the knife down as a violent shudder went through him. Meeting him� it had been like meeting the Boogieman, something you had heard about your whole life. But the stories of that thing were so terrible, you thought there was no way such a creature could exist, and if it did, it couldn�t possibly be that bad. Then, suddenly, you were face to face with that thing and it was everything that existed in those nightmares, in those stories. No, it was much worse than that, maybe because it was real, tangible.

Wufei lifted his shirt and examined his stomach. His tanned skin was already black from the punch Wes had given him. Meiran, who had been the best fighter in their clan, had been the one who had taught him how to fight. He wasn�t as good as her, but he could beat most challengers. Grown men gave him no fear, and even though it had been a very long time since he had practiced the art, he wasn�t rusty. By all logic, a man that had probably never seen someone practice that martial art should have fallen to it, but it had been the other way around. That man�s strength� he had been like a puppy in the face of it. Every blow had not only been blocked, but countered successfully. Wes was big, but like a boxer, strong and fast at the same time. He hadn�t expected that out of the man.

That one single punch had done him in completely. It had been bad enough when Wes had knocked him on his feet after that first attempt to kick him, but he had been so sure he could take him in a fight. He hadn�t even felt that second blow when it had hit him. It had been like being struck like a powerful blast on wind. One moment, he was lunging at him, the next he was on the ground, almost crying in pain. His stomach had felt like it was going to shoot out of his throat. Getting back up had been impossible, all he had done was lie there, coughing up blood, and wondering how in the hell Wes had been able to take him down so quickly.

How could he possibly do anything against such a person? Wes was a like a black wind, impossible to hold down, let alone destroy, and so powerful� he remembered Duo telling him about trying to run away, trying to find ways to fight against Wes, only to give up because of fear and hopelessness. He almost laughed out loud right there in the kitchen. Every time Duo said something like that, he thought that Duo was just a child, so it had been easy for Wes to control him, but it had been more than that. Just looking into that man�s eyes, Wufei had seen the sort of person he really was. They called him crazy because of what he had done to Duo, but in reality, Wufei could only call him crazy because the other word, the right word for what he had seen went against his beliefs of a logical world. In Wes� eyes, he hadn�t just seen insanity; he had seen a complete lack of humanity.

In those grey eyes, he had seen a man who had no humane feelings for anything. He had no sympathy, no gentleness, and no compassion. Wufei truly believed that, before meeting Duo, Wes had never felt love for anything. In those eyes, he had only seen dominance and power, lust and desire for order and control, like a little kid trying to build the perfect sandcastle. If there was a slight imperfection, one detail that shouldn�t be there, that was out of his control, the whole thing would be knocked down, without a single thought to that past design. Simply� Wes didn�t give a shit. It was no wonder his strange attachment to Duo had driven the man insane. Such a feeling wasn�t supposed to exist in Wes� world. That single detail, so out of place and strange couldn�t be destroyed, but it couldn�t be controlled, either.

A complete lack of human feeling, someone who was completely displaced from the world around him, but had found a way to grasp it and mold it until it made sense to him, by controlling people with an iron fist. A person like that� though Wufei hesitated to use the word� a person who had nothing in common with humanity, was evil. They were evil because they couldn�t be reasoned with, because they had no kindness in their hearts, and their only pleasure was from hurting people, from twisting them into themselves.

Wasn�t that exactly what Wes had tried to do to Duo? He had isolated him, mutilated him, until Duo was so lonely and detached and desperate, he had been more like an abused animal than a human being. But Duo had proven his worth over and over, had proven to all of them the strength of his heart. He wasn�t Wes, he had never become him. For some reason, Duo had managed to retain his humanity, in the midst of a life that had been deprived of it for as long as he could remember. Was it so surprising that Wufei was so proud of Duo? Through what Duo had told them of his childhood, Wufei couldn�t see any reason for him to still care about people, but he did, very much.

He claimed that it was because he knew what pain was like and he had lived a life so filled with loneliness, he was desperate for people, and could empathize with them, but Wufei wondered if Duo had always been like that, if it was just his personality. Seeing how much Duo had suffered, seeing the power of the man that had enslaved him, it all made Wufei feel so ashamed. All he could do was lie there, useless, from a single punch. Even when he had finally found the ability to stand, he had been useless. He had realized, when he had fallen a second time, there was no way any of them were going to win against Wes in a clean fight.

He had never seen any of his friends fight before, and he had been impressed by Trowa and Heero�s attempts, but Wes wasn�t just big, he clearly had years of experience in street fights, in fighting dirty, fighting to survive, not just to win and that, combined with his size and speed, he had been laughing in distain at them, just a group of brats. In reality, Wufei�s skinned elbows and bruised stomach, Heero�s bruised throat, and Duo�s shoulder wound and electrical burns were light compared to what Wes could have done to them.

Heero, Trowa, and Quatre hadn�t been there when Wes had taken out the stun baton, but Wufei had seen it as clear as day and it had been terrifying. Duo�s body had seized and knowing that his friend was helpless had been the scariest moment of his life. And Wes hadn�t cared at all. Duo hadn�t been surprised by the weapon, either, and Wufei wondered if Wes had done that to him before. That thought, of Duo as a little kid, on the end of that terrible stick, made him feel ill. In that moment when he was lying on the ground, cradling his stomach, and watching Trowa and Heero fail in taking Wes down, Wufei had thought he could predict what would happen. Wes would kill the four of them and take Duo away, lock him in the dark and rape him over and over and over, because they hadn�t been able to protect him like they should. Duo would lose his mind and soul and it would have been Wufei�s fault.

Wufei didn�t consider it Trowa and Heero�s fault, because in reality, he had had the perfect moment. Wes had been absorbed in Duo, arrogant in thinking that no one would come looking for the violet eyed boy. Wufei had had the perfect shot to disable him, to stop and think of the best way to take him out. Heero and Trowa hadn�t had that opportunity. By the time they had shown up, Wes had been on the alert and fighting, because Wufei had fucked up. The second he had seen that bear of a man on his friend, kissing him, assaulting him, he had lost his cool, he had lost his logic. He had gone in there, screaming, announcing his presence to Wes, and just trying to get Wes away from Duo, instead of trying to knock him out.

He had lied there, thinking that he had ruined anything, when the gun had caught his eye. It had landed in the grass; mere feet ahead of him, and Wes had been too occupied with Trowa and Heero to notice where it had gone. It had been like the universe itself had been lining up for him to take that kill shot, like the forces of nature and physics were giving him the opportunity to make up for his initial screw up. It was ironic. Even with that momentous power in his hand, he had been useless. He had had the perfect shot, and Wes had been so arrogant that he had given him that shot. But Wes had been right. Wufei thought that that was the biggest insult of all. Wes had been right, about all of them. They had been incapable of protecting Duo with all of their strength and Wufei had been too weak to pull that trigger. They had failed and Wes had gotten away without a scratch, because of him.

He wished he had never taken Wes advice and had never looked him in the eye. He thought that he could have handled his guilt, could have handled having that gun shoved in his face so much better than he was right now if he had never looked in that monster�s eyes. He had become completely frozen when that gun had been trained on him. He had never been that close to death before. His life had been spent sheltered, and the thought that he might die had never really come upon him. If he had ever thought that he would be in a situation where he would be looking a gun, he would have arrogantly thought that he could overcome it. He couldn�t possibly die from getting shot, he would knock the gun from the shooter�s hands, or the shooter would back off. He wouldn�t be shot, that was just silly.

Then, he had looked Wes in the eye and had seen all that evil in him, that apathy and only one thought had gone through him.

�I�m going to die.�

Wufei shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. He had been so useless, and Duo had somehow saved him, had somehow found the strength to stand and act. If it hadn�t been for him, he would have died. He would have gotten shot in the head. Wes wouldn�t have stopped, he wouldn�t have cared, just one less obstacle in his way. Wufei shook harder. He felt so cold� so very cold. How could he have ever thought he could protect Duo? He hadn�t even been able to pull that trigger. It would have been the easiest thing in the world; Wes hadn�t even been expecting him to do it, he had been too close to dodge it and Wufei had chickened out. The thought of actually killing another human being had paralyzed him.

Goddamn it, why had he let Name and the others leave him alone? He didn�t want to be alone? He felt like there was a numbing coldness around his heart, squeezing him. He should be grateful to be alive, but the world just seemed� grey. Grey and empty. With a shaky hand, he picked up the knife again and continued to cut. Would Wes come for him, like he was coming for Duo? Would he sneak into his house tonight and blow his brains out while he slept? His breath came out in shuddering pants. No, Wes wouldn�t do that, right? The four of them were just fun little toys to play with, Duo was the real goal.

�If I weren�t his friend� would Wes leave me alone?� the thought suddenly popped into his head.

Wufei growled loudly and slammed his hand into the granite counter. He wanted to slam his hand against that same surface. How could he ever think a thing like that?! Maybe he had been selfish and stubborn in the past, but Duo was his friend. When he was suffering because he missed Fai, Duo was there, trying to find ways to comfort him. Even after making an ass of himself over and over, Duo had forgiven him. Duo had fucking saved his life. And now, when Duo was the one who needed him, he was just going to abandon him because it was scary? No, he refused to be that pathetic! If Fai could hear him now, he would smack him for being so selfish, and he would be right. He could never be worthy of friends like Fai and Duo if he gave any credence to that stray thought. Even if it was terrifying, even if he might die� he had his honor and his pride as a friend. And if anyone deserved protecting, it was Duo.

That was the clinching thought. If their roles were reversed, Duo would do anything, literally anything, to save the people he loved. Something like that was worth fighting for. Even if he was terrified of the thought of meeting Wes again, for Duo�s sake, for his own sake, he wasn�t going to be a coward. Suddenly, he heard the front door open and he dropped the knife in shock.

Would Wes come for him, like he was coming for Duo?

Just as quickly as he had dropped the knife, he picked it back up and faced the doorway of the kitchen. His hand shook and he gripped the handle tight enough to hurt his fingers, but all he could focus on was the terrified beating of his heart.

�Wufei?�

The sound of his blessed mother�s voice almost made him cry. He wasn�t alone� He wanted to laugh at his relief. This was ridiculous; he was jumping at every little shadow. Duo was in more danger than him, but he kept focusing on that image of the gun, of Wes� cold, unfeeling stare, and he was scared. For the first time in his life, he felt true fear. How the hell had Duo survived living with Wes for so long? Living in a state of terror for so many years had to have been like living in a sensory deprivation chamber, living without any sort of comfort or relaxation. The sight of his mother walking into the kitchen was like a sight from the heavens. He felt like a little kid, feeling safe that his mommy was home. It was ridiculous, but he couldn�t deny the relief he felt.

�There you are,� Lian said with her usual bright smile, �And you got all the vegetables done, even though I�m home early! I keep telling all the nurses what good boy I have. They�re so jealous,� she teased, �All their children can�t be bothered with chores. I decided to come home a bit early; I just got back from checking up on Duo. With your friend and his mother there, I think he�ll be able to sleep easily-,� Lian�s words halted in her throat as Wufei strode over to her and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her shirt.

�Wufei?� she asked in alarm.

Her son, though far from cold, never hugged them like this.

�What happened?� she demanded, remembering Duo with his bloody shirt.

Wufei didn�t say anything, but hugged her tighter.
*****
After dropping Quatre and Trowa off at the house, Name stopped by the closest coffee shop to the hospital to get some drinks for herself and Heero. She had the feeling that it was going to be a very long night. She thought it was amusing that they both took their coffee the exact same way, making her wonder if Heero�s drinking habits were from him emulating her or if they just had that much in common. She considered getting a hot apple cider for Duo while she was there. The only drinks he liked from such places were cider, chocolate, and the fruity, decaffeinated drinks they made during the summer. He absolutely couldn�t stand coffee, and with his weak system, Name didn�t like giving him caffeine, and he would only drink tea if he was sick.

March in Maine was that strange part of the year when it wasn�t cold anymore, but hadn�t started to get warm, either. It was far too early for smoothies and the like, and too late for hot chocolate. Standing in line, debating whether Duo would still want to drink hot cider in this sort of whether made her think of the upcoming spring and summer. While standing there, she wondered if she should make Heero get a summer job. During school, it wasn�t really an issue. Heero was a good student, but subjects like English and Art took up all of his attention. In that way, Duo and Heero were a really good pair, since Heero did much better at math and history, which were two classes that Duo had to really work at. She had had hesitations about Duo getting a job, but he had seemed to really wanted to do it, and he had so far proved to be able to balance everything.

In the past, summer for Heero detailed two things: staying up in his room and getting into trouble. She had tried to get him to get part time jobs before, but he had always considered such jobs far beneath him. But that Heero wasn�t here anymore. Her son was no longer that rude, conceited, bullish person. He was kind and interested in life, for the first time since his father�s death, and she knew she had Duo to thank for that. For the first time, someone needed Heero more than he needed himself. Name believed that, Heero�s deep seated protectiveness towards his friends had finally gotten him out of his tail spin. It had forced him to really see Duo and see how hungry he was for kindness. For that, she would always be thankful for the longhaired American. He had brought her son back to her.

Name eventually decided not to buy any cider. By the time Duo woke up and could actually drink it, it would be cold anyway. Instead, she would make him some hot chocolate herself when they brought him home tomorrow. He liked it when she made it better anyway. There was a lot of traffic on her way back to the hospital, but she made it before the coffee cooled. She knew that Heero would never drink the hospital�s coffee, too used to the premium blends, if he even thought about his own needs while Duo was hurt. Sure enough, to her annoyance, when she got to Duo�s room, Heero was sitting in the exact same position as when she had left and she was sure he hadn�t moved an inch. His legs were crossed and he was fidgeting, telling her more than he would ever willingly say. When he saw her enter, he honed on to the coffee she held hungrily. That alone told her how tired he was, if he wanted the caffeine that badly.

�Thanks,� he said and made a go for the cup in her right hand, but she kept it out of reach.

�I�ll give to you if you promise to get out of this room,� she negotiated.

�Mom!� Heero protested.

�Don�t even start, Heero,� Name cautioned, �If I hear any complaints out of you, I�m sending you home. The only reason why I haven�t done that already is I know you�ll just stay awake and pace all night if you�re not near your friend. I understand you�re worried, but Duo isn�t in immediate danger. If you want to stay here the entire night, you will go to the bathroom, get some food in you, and take a nap. I don�t want to see you for at least two hours.�

�I-I can�t,� Heero argued, nervously looking at Duo�s sleeping form, �What if he needs me?�

The concern and love in Heero�s eyes for his best friend warmed his mother. She put a hand on his shoulder, her eyes going to the deep, black bruise on his throat and felt another surge of anger at the bastard that everyone in her little family had met but her. That didn�t make her feel any better, that her son had been in that danger and she hadn�t been there for him.

�This isn�t like last time, Heero,� she soothed, �His wounds are very minor, he isn�t in danger of dying. I�ll stay with him and make sure he�s all right. If he isn�t, I�ll come get you. But I�m not going to let what happened last time happen now. I won�t have you at your wit�s end because of your fears.�

Heero stared at her in shock. He knew that his mother was quite perceptive, but he hadn�t thought that his feelings were that obvious. He looked down at Duo again. He was so tired� tired of all of it, tired of constantly worrying about Duo, wondering if he was going to be ok. He didn�t want to stop loving him, or stop caring, it wasn�t that. He just wanted him to be safe for once. He wanted to take away everything that could hurt him, Wes, Zechs, Relena, his memories�

�I know I�m being irrational,� he murmured, �But you weren�t there, you didn�t see what happened��

�Then tell me,� she urged, �Stop bottling everything up inside and just say what�s on your mind.�

She almost flinched as her son looked at her, his blue eyes desolate and hopeless.

�I always thought that I could protect him,� Heero confessed, �Duo told me, time and time again, about Wes� power, about how scary he was, and I didn�t listen. I heard him, and I knew how scared he was, but instead of taking what he was telling me at face value, I chose to believe it was just the fear of a child, that Duo was just remembering how it felt when Wes had first taken him off the streets and because he had no one to protect him. I thought that, if I ever met Wes, I would show Duo that he isn�t powerless anymore. But I was wrong. Duo had been trying to tell me all this time, but I wanted to give some of his self confidence back and because of that, I underestimated the people he was scared of. I was just was powerless as he was, in Boston and now. When I watched Chris� when I watched him rape my best friend,� Heero hung his head, his messy bangs hiding his eyes, but Name knew that he was silently crying, �I thought, I�m going to kill him, but at the end of it, I couldn�t even move, I couldn�t do a thing. It was the same with Wes. I wasn�t tied down this time, I could have done something, but no matter how hard I tried, he had the upper hand. I understand now. I�m just a kid and Wes isn�t some comic book villain that I can defeat just because I want it badly. In a way, that bastard was right. I can�t protect Duo, not by myself anyway, and I was stupid to think that I had any power at all. Both times� Duo was the only one who was useful both times. He got his cell phone� he hit Wes to stop him from killing Wufei� when he shouldn�t have had to do those things. He should have been safe.�

Heero rubbed a hand against his tired eyes.

�I flew off the handle. The second I saw Wes and heard Duo call his name, I lost control. I just wanted to hurt him� so badly� because of that anger, I almost got everyone killed. I should have been focused on getting Duo to safety, on calling for help, not on beating up Wes, but I couldn�t stop feeling that urge to kill him,� his voice was heavily strained from conflicting emotions, remembering the fight.

�Honey,� Name said with a sigh, �You have to stop beating yourself up over things you can�t change. What happened in Boston wasn�t your fault. You were kidnapped and Duo was only able to help because he wasn�t restrained like you were. If he had been, we never would have been able to find you. What he did was very brave, considering how hurt he was and the strain on his body, but it wasn�t anything you wouldn�t have done if you had been able. And this time� this time you weren�t alone. Any mistakes you can place on your head, you can place on your friends. Trowa was in the middle of that fight, too, and he didn�t think to try to help Duo get away, either. You�re right, you underestimated the man you were fighting, but that won�t happen again. There isn�t much a group of kids can do against a man with a gun, no matter how passionate you are, but you did a good thing. I don�t think Duo cares that you didn�t kill Wes. I think he�s just happy you tried to protect him.�

�But I failed him!� Heero argued, �Again and again and again� I fail him over and over! So why is it� why is it every time I do, he doesn�t look at me with hate?! In Boston, he flinched from me, but he didn�t scream, didn�t yell� since then, since ever, he hasn�t accused me of a single thing! When we finally found him again and tried to apologize for hitting him and pushing him away; he should have been furious, but he apologized right back to me! I don�t understand how he can always do that! Sometimes, I would rather he be mad at me, it hurts worse when I fuck up and he forgives me. Does he not care? Is that the reason why? Does he care so little that he won�t even spare the time to get upset when I make a mistake?�

Name�s gaze turned furious.

�Heero Yuy, don�t you dare say a thing like that!� she snapped.

Heero stared up at her, his eyes wide. He hadn�t ever heard her speak to him like that before� it was frightening.

�That boy,� her eyes flickered to Duo, �He loves you more than anything in the world. Even I can see that, so if you don�t, well, I didn�t raise my only son to be an idiot! He doesn�t get mad at you because he loves you. When the people we love make mistakes, it�s easy to forgive them for it. Duo needs you and he cares for you a great deal. In his eyes, whatever failings you have are tiny compared to the things you succeed at, the things you do to make him happy. You make him feel safe, no matter how many times you fail. He loves you so much; he doesn�t even see your actions as failures! He only sees your attempts at protecting him, at giving him a better life! You saved him from Hell, Heero; do you honestly think that anything can dirty that?! He�s your best friend and without you, I don�t even think he would be trying this hard. I think, if he ever lost you, he might give up because no matter how hard it is, for some reason, you have the ability to lift him up at the end of it all. So don�t you dare tell me he doesn�t care!�

Heero shuddered at her words and looked down at his sleeping friend. Deep down in heart, any remaining doubt he had vanished like it had been made of mere vapor, and he knew that it had been. Lies and excuses he had made up because it had been easier� but his mother was right and he knew it. He had known it all along. Duo�s smiling face, telling him that it was all right, flashed before him. So many times, he had done stupid things, but Duo had never so much as given him a bad look. Duo loved him, even if it wasn�t the kind of love Heero had for the longhaired boy, in a way, it was, because no matter what Duo did, he would forgive him, too. Hell, Duo had never done anything wrong in his eyes. That was why his own failures hurt so much, because logic said that Duo should hate him.

Hadn�t that been what he had told himself, that Duo hated him for Boston? That had been the core reason for distancing himself from his friend, or so he had told himself. But now, in the wake of his mother�s convictions, he looked back over the weeks since then, picking out times when, he thought, Duo had shown that hate. What he found made him feel pained and hollow at the same time. Duo hadn�t talked to him much since then, but that was the extent of it� he couldn�t remember Duo doing anything except that to show that their relationship wasn�t what it used to be. Had he been chasing ghosts, or had it all just been an excuse to make their closeness easier to handle?

�I�m an idiot,� he concluded.

�Yes, you are,� Name said in good humor, �Now get out of here.�

�Fine,� Heero grumbled, �But only for two hours.�

Name took the seat next to his as Heero rose and finally left the room. It made her relax a little. She just hoped he would do as he had been told and would take a small nap or at least get some food in him. She should have had that little chat of theirs weeks ago, but he had seemed so unapproachable. But now� she had been waiting for the event that would force all that out of him, she just wished it hadn�t taken Wes coming back and Duo getting electrocuted and shocked. Truthfully, she still hadn�t decided if Heero�s strange detachment to the longhaired boy was good or bad, but she had more than just her son�s welfare to think about. Any time these two had a problem, it was like a bomb went off, but when they fixed things, it was almost like two lovers making up, they would be attached to the hip, laughing, and looking like they were walking on clouds for days. She shook her head. It was weird thinking of Duo and Heero in those kind of terms, but it fit. She reached out her hand to brush Duo�s bangs out of his eyes.

�Everyone�s worried about you, sweetie,� she said softly, �I hope you aren�t going to be like your friend and hide things from me, but knowing you, you will.�

Duo didn't make any indication that he was going to wake up and his heart beat was steady. With a small smile, Name took a sip from her coffee. She took a look at her watch, timing Heero�s absence, and took a book from her purse. She couldn�t stand the magazines that this hospital handed out, considering they were just gossip rags and most of them had some sort of article on her and her family. The book she was reading was actually one from Duo�s bookcase, a brilliant thriller mystery that boasted some kind of twist at the end. It wasn�t something that she usually read, but at ten pages in, she was already enjoying it and could see why Duo�s collection was filled with these sorts of books. His love of the written word was something that had always impressed her, considering he had to teach himself to read from scraps of newspaper and flyers at an age older than must children. He tackled reading like a starving person tackled a buffet.

That desperate desire for education had always been a source of affection for her because she was so used to such things being handed to her and her family, whether they wanted it to be or not, but Duo was simply enthralled with such a simple thing. That the book she was reading was the young teenager�s made her feel a strange sort of connection to him. It reminded her that the American that she had once considered a guest in her home was now a permanent part of her family. No matter what happened, Duo would always be a Yuy in her eyes, and she was proud to have the boy be a part of that. She made it to the part where the hero confronted the killer for the first time, a full fifty pages in twenty minutes, when a strange noise made her look away from the page.

Duo still wasn�t exactly awake, but his hands were clutching at the sheets, so tightly that they were completely white, and the sound she had noticed was him whimpering. She stood and looked over him, wondering if he was waking up and was in pain, or was just having another nightmare.

�Duo?� she called very softly.

The muscles in Duo�s arm tightened and his hand whipped to the side, another whimper escaped from him. Then, his heart monitor started to scream as his heart beat shot up. He started to thrash in the bed, the IV lines pulled tight.

�Dammit!� Name swore, quickly sitting on the edge of the bed so she could pull the panicked boy into her arms, being very careful about his IVs.

Duo fought her as much as his tired body could; thrashing against her, animal-like cries falling from him. Name wondered for a second if he was fighting Wes in his nightmare, or if it was something nameless. His whole body was so tight, so in fight mode, it was painful for Name to hold him like that, like holding a rabid cat. She tangled her fingers in his hair, trying to find a way to soothe him. Just holding him wasn�t working. He was staring to weaken, but Name was less concerned about him not fighting than trying to get him to settle down.

Even though Duo had gained a bit of weight through constant home cooked meals, he was still small and thin, so it was easy for her to settle him in her lap. She wrapped her arms around him and rocked him. For a kid who had spent his life all on his own, living the life an adult, he didn�t seem to care when she treated him like a child. And when he was like this, that�s what she thought of him as, a little boy fighting a terrible monster. She wondered if Duo had had anyone to sing and rock him as a baby, but doubted it. That thought made her heart hurt. She felt him stop thrashing, but his body was still too tight, too tense. Even when Heero had had nightmares as a child, he had never had them like this, and her singing had usually calmed him down� with a small, enlightened smile, she lied her head on Duo�s thin shoulder, continually rocking him.

�Nen nen korori yo, okorori yo

Bouya wa yoiko da, nenne shina

Bouya no omoriwa doko e itta

Anoyam koete, sato e itta

Sato no miyagene nani moratta

Denden taiko ni sho no fue (1),� she sang.

It was a song that she had sung to Heero all the time when he was a baby and a toddler, it had been his favorite back then. To her relief, Duo�s body relaxed in her arms, but she didn�t stop rocking or singing to him, wanting to make sure he would fall back into a more peaceful sleep. His heart monitor had settled, too, but it was still making a shrill, alarm sound and Name knew that a nurse would be coming in any minute to see what was wrong.

�Sleep, little pigeon,� she continued, this time in English, hoping that Duo, somehow, would understand the words,

�And fold your wings,

Little blue pigeon

With velvet eyes;

Sleep to the singing

Of mother-bird swinging

Swinging the nest

Where her little one lies.

Away out yonder

I see a star,

Silvery star

With a tinkling song;

To the soft dew falling

I hear it calling

Calling and tinkling

The night along.

In through the window

A moonbeam comes,

Little gold moonbeam

With misty wings;

All silently creeping,

It asks; "Is he sleeping

Sleeping and dreaming

While mother sings?"...

But sleep, little pigeon,

And fold your wings,

Little blue pigeon

With mournful eyes;

Am I not singing? --

See, I am swinging --

Swinging the nest

Where my darling lies,� she finished.

Whether it was her continuous singing or the fact that she

was singing in English, Duo had completely settled, curling against her in a deep sleep. It made her wonder if Duo could understand what the song meant, and whose arms he was in, if he knew that he was safe. She thought he did, even though he wasn�t awake. She wondered if she was the first person to ever sing him a lullaby. Her heart clenched again and she almost winced at the feeling. Her own mother, both her birth mother and her step mother, had sung to her when she was a child, and when she had been feeling sad and it had soothed her every time. It had soothed her because she was so used to it, but her own singing had seemed to reach something hidden deep inside of Duo, something that he wanted and needed. Not for the first time, Name felt the urge to hate Duo�s mother, wherever she was, even if she was dead.

The door flew open and Name knew it wasn�t Heero rushing back. Only thirty minutes had passed. As gently as she could, Name laid Duo back into bed. He made a small noise of annoyance when he lost the warmth of her arms, but didn�t wake up. Name wondered if it was because of the sedative, or he was hiding again. If he was hiding, she didn�t think it would be in sleep, though the waking world had its own demons for him. She pulled up the covers and stood to confront the nurse that had stridden in. The nurse was young with long, dark brown hair that fell loose around her shoulders. She was pretty and seemed to know what she was doing just based on how she walked into the room, but Name didn�t like her right away from the way she was glaring at her and Duo, like she was annoyed at having to run down here.

�What happened?� the nurse demanded to know.

�He had a little panic attack,� Name said truthfully.

She had lived with Duo long enough to be able to tell the difference between one of his nightmares and a panic attack. His heart had been racing too fast and he had been too frantic for her to call it a simple nightmare. She knew why it had happened, too, and she was definitely not happy. Duo was uncomfortable in hospitals at the best of times. They reminded him of that scary period in his life when he had barely escaped both Wes and the jaws of death. He had been weak, unsure of reality, his body and mind betraying him at every turn. The fact that the people here were all too happy to stick him with needles, one of his greatest fears, only made his anxiety worse. It didn�t take a genius to see that.

She didn�t blame him, either. She easily remembered his fear at every injection, every pill and drug, and that puncture wound on his neck. Thanks to Wes� torture and �training�, even painkillers and a simple check-up were terrifying and not to be trusted. Dr. Stark may have been alarmed at Duo ripping out his IVs, but Name really wasn�t surprised. Needles and drugs were evil, and in the wake of a terrible nightmare, of course Duo would try to get rid of the one thing that couldn�t be trusted. She also knew that, if it weren�t for that damn sedative, Duo would be handling these panic attacks and nightmares much better. Yes, the previous one had been bad, but it was only because he had been disorientated after a nightmare. If he weren�t sedated, Name could talk with him, could calm him down, but now he was being forced to sleep, forced to dream and there was nothing Name could do to help him until the drugs wore off.

�You need to leave,� the nurse demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

Name could see it in her eyes that she knew exactly who she was. There was a nervousness there, a very real fear that, if the woman would prove to be an enemy, Name would have no problem exploiting. Normally, she would like someone who stood up to her because that showed courage, but this wasn�t a board room or a business negotiation, this was Duo�s hospital room and she wouldn�t stand for it. She copied the move, crossing her arms over her chest and felt a bit smug at the fact that she was taller than the woman. The nurse was a scrawny thing; too much like the teenage girls seen on school dramas on television. She looked like she would have problems wrestling a rooster, let alone Name.

�And why is that?� Name asked coldly, sending the message loud and clear that she wasn�t going to back down.

The nurse hesitated, realizing that she was actually going to have to force the powerful woman to do what she was told, something that no sane person would relish.

�He was sleeping perfectly well until you came along,� the nurse said defensively, �Obviously you did something to upset him. If you stay, no doubt he�ll have another� episode. If you don�t leave-,�

Name made an abrupt noise, halting the nurse�s tirade.

�The only reason why he was sleeping �perfectly well� is because the good doctor decided it was a good idea to give a distraught, teenaged, anemic boy a sedative for no greater reason than he was having a little fit, a fit that could have been handled with care and affection better than it was handled with drugs. And that�s precisely what he needs now. He just went through something terrible, not that I expect you or Dr. Stark to understand. It�s because of your medicine that he keeps having nightmares. He feels helpless and unprotected. Do you really think that removing me will make him feel better?� Name snapped at her, suddenly feeling very irritated.

�If he needs someone to sit by him, I�ll find his parents,� the nurse said stubbornly, even though she was starting to realize that she should just give up and leave.

�I am his mother,� Name said with conviction.

She meant ever word of it. Maybe Duo had just been �Heero�s friend� in the past, but more and more� she found that she looked at him with the same love and importance as her son. Duo was hers, dammit, a vital part of her family. No one else loved him enough to claim him. And that was what he needed. Someone to always be there, fighting for his best interest. He had spent his entire life in that position and it had worn him down, the knowledge that no one cared. One little boy against the entire world that wanted nothing more for him to be trodden down and disappear� it was tiring just to think of it. Wes claimed to love Duo, but even if that were true, then where was he now? Where was Duo�s precious �father� when the poor boy was lying so pale on the hospital bed, a bullet wound in his shoulder, a wound Wes had put there?

�Y-you only have one son,� the nurse said, completely confused and not liking the ferocity in Name�s eyes one bit.

�You�re mistaken,� Name said coldly.

The nurse couldn�t think of a single argument to that and took a retreating step back.

�Oh� well� I� I should�� she stammered, feeling like she was about to get devoured by a shark.

�Go,� Name finished for her, the word clipped in a severe order.

The nurse didn�t say anything further, just turned and nearly ran out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Name didn�t stop glaring until the door fully closed, then sat back in her chair. The room was oddly silent and she realized that she couldn�t remember when the heart monitor had stopped shrieking its alarm. She looked at Duo and almost gasped. His violet eyes were open and staring blankly at the ceiling. She almost ran after the nurse to smack her, but didn�t know if Duo had woken up because of the stranger�s voice or if the drugs had just worn off. She didn�t want to leave him over something so petty anyway. She almost laughed. She was starting to sound like Heero, scared to just leave Duo�s side for a minute.

�Duo?� she called to him, but he didn�t seem to hear her, he just continued to stare at the ceiling in confusion.

�Where..?� he murmured and she realized he was still a little bit drugged up.

A white ceiling� his eyebrows furrowed as he thought in confusion, fighting the fog around his brain. His room didn�t have a white ceiling, it was a nice, cream color, not this� starkness. Work didn�t have this color, either, it was grey. Wes� ceiling was white, but it wasn�t so clean and was covered in water spots and stains. Where..?

�You�re in a hospital,� Name tried to tell him.

Duo didn�t hear her, his eyes darting around to take in everything. He saw the heart monitor and the rails on his bed, but once he saw his arms, he forgot about all of it. Needles� lots of needles� stabbing his arms, all over� out, out, out, they had to come out. To Name�s alarm, he started to hyperventilate. She jumped out of her chair when Duo grabbed at one of the IVs and started to pull on it.

�Duo, no!� she grabbed his arm, trying to stop him before he hurt himself again.

�Get them out!� he yelled, his eyes filled with tears and terror, �They have to come out! He�ll find me, he�ll find me, he�ll��

Name let go of his arm and hugged him tightly, hoping he wouldn�t take that moment to finish the job. She breathed in relief when he let go of the tube, though his body was still shaking in fear.

�It�s ok, it�s ok,� she soothed, �You�re safe. I�m sorry, baby, but we can�t take those out until you�re better.�

She dared to look down and saw that his eyes were almost impossibly wide, staring at the needles, his face an alarming shade of white and she worried that he might vomit. He made a strange, strangled sound, like restraining himself from ripping the needles out was a physical strain.

�What are they?� he asked desperately.

Despite his obvious panic, Name felt warmth spread inside her chest. Duo didn�t trust doctors or nurses, but apparently, he trusted her to tell him what the needles were for. It was humbling.

�Antibiotics, to stop infection, fluid to keep you hydrated,� she pointed to each tube and named them for his benefit, �painkillers, and this lovely one is replacing the blood you lost from being shot.�

Duo seemed to relax a little with each answer, though he was still shaking. He trusted Name. If she said that that�s what the needles were for, then it was the truth. But he still hated them� but� it felt so nice with her arms around him, feeling her breast under his cheek. It was so much better than the unfamiliar bed. He felt his eyes droop as she stroked his hair.

�Duo�� Name said hesitantly, �Wes won�t hurt you again, I promise. I�ll do anything I can to make sure you�re safe.�

�None of that matters,� Duo murmured, �He can find me, no matter where I am. He always could.�

Name felt fear pierce her heart, not at any truth in what Duo was saying, but that he believed what he was saying.

�Wes isn�t the boogieman,� she said.

She was truly scared that Duo thought that Wes was all powerful. Had the man finally broke him? Had his continuous presence finally convinced Duo that the man was, literally, a monster?

�Yes, he is,� Duo said, closing his eyes.

Name�s heart beat faster. The Boogieman� a child�s greatest fear� a monster that hid in the darkness of closets and under beds that would snatch them away the second the parent had his or her back turned. Yes, she supposed in some weird, symbolic way, Wes was the Boogieman, but Duo was saying it like it was literal fact. She hoped it was the drugs talking, that he wasn�t so far gone by all of this, psychologically, that he could believe Wes wasn�t human.

�Honey� he�s just a man,� she tried to convince him, but Duo shook his head.

�He found me,� he said with conviction, �When I was supposed to be safe. If he can find me at the store, he can find me anywhere. Even in the darkest of nights� he�ll find me. The only reason why he hasn�t tried anything yet, why he hasn�t come to the house or the hospital is because he likes playing with me. When we lived together, he loved to experiment, and play these cruel games, just so he can watch me suffer. He wants to see me afraid, to see me running from every shadow, but I can�t help but be scared. That�s why he�ll always win. I�m scared and he�s the one with all the power. I can�t even fight,� he looked up at Name and she held him tighter at the expression of self-hatred on his face, �Ever since I was little, the mere idea of fighting him, of disobeying him has always filled me with this incredible fear. It paralyzes me. But it�s beyond that, it�s like I can�t do it at all, physically. Wufei almost died today and I should have done so much more. It�s my fight, no one else�s, but today, I couldn�t do anything. Even when I hit Wes, there was this pain, this incredible pain in my head. It felt like I was dying, just because I had to hit Wes to save a friend. What did he do to me? Am I� am I always going to be like this, his slave?�

Name kissed his forehead.

�It�s not like that, Duo,� she assured him, �This shouldn�t have to be all on your shoulders. We love you, very, very much, so this fight is personal for all of us. And you did so much today. You saved someone�s life during a time when you were scared the most. I think� I think all those terrible things that Wes did to you, all that training and those punishments� they left a mark on you, something deep inside of your mind that makes it hurt to stand up to him, to stand up to anyone. You were taught, at a very young age, to be� to be a slave, to never stand up for yourself, to just take any sort of abuse. Today, you met that wall in your mind and you tore through it, because Wufei�s life was more important to you than any blocks or your past. You ripped right through all of that and kept Wes from killing Wufei. You stood up to him. Don�t you understand how proud we are of you? You�re so strong, Duo. Most people in your place would have run and hid, but you made a stand. You weren�t useless.�

Her words made tears track down his cheeks. Hearing someone say they were proud of him made a strange happiness well up in him, especially during a time when he thought he was weak.

�I threw up,� he blurted out, �After the surgery� before I freaked out and had that dream� I remembered what I did to him and I kept throwing up.�

Name felt a sudden rage that that had happened and Stark hadn�t bothered to tell her.

�And the second I had hit him� I wanted to apologize for it. I was so sorry about it. He hurt me, he tried to kill my friends� why would I want to apologize? How can you possibly say that you�re proud of me?�

Name rubbed at his back, one thing that always made him feel better when he was upset, that and when someone he trusted touched his hair.

�I�m proud of you because you�re moving forward. You�re trying to fight against what Wes did to you. That�s the most important thing. It�s hard and painful, but you�re still trying,� she pointed out, �You could stop or go back to how you were like before, but you haven�t. For a very long time, Wes was the most important person in your life, not because he was the person you loved the most, but because he controlled every aspect of your life. You went where he told you to go, you acted how he wanted you to act, you were what he wanted you to be. You went to school, only because he allowed you to. You lived, solely on his say so. The little rebellious things you did to break away from that were so tiny, you think they�re pointless. It�s very difficult to break out of that behavior. You wanted to say you�re sorry to him because that�s what you would have done in the past, and for a very long time, you didn�t have anyone else. That isn�t something you should be ashamed of, so don�t be. Even if it exists for the rest of your life, every step is important and that was what today was; a step,� she said.

Duo closed his eyes again, fighting against a smile.

�Then� you�re still proud of me?� he asked in a small voice.

�I will always be proud of you,� she vowed, �We all will.�

�Even Heero?� Name�s heart ached at how unsure Duo sounded at that.

�Yes,� she said strongly, �Especially Heero. Oh, Duo� he cares about you a lot and he is so proud of you, forever stride you�ve taken to help yourself.�

�But� he isn�t talking to me,� Duo confessed, �And if it weren�t for me� he wouldn�t be in danger. You have to hate me for that.�

�I do not,� she said, feeling a little bit offended, �I would never hate you for that, and Heero doesn�t hate you. He�s just worried. He feels� he feels powerless. He wants to protect you, but doesn�t know how.�

Name felt odd telling Duo things that Heero had said in confidence, but he needed to hear them.

�But all he�s been doing is protecting me!� Duo protested, �How can he not know? If he hadn�t been there for me in Boston� I would have given up� because he was there, because his life was depending on me, I kept fighting. He did all he could, how could he feel bad about that?�

Name gave him a sad smile.

�Duo� maybe you should tell Heero that,� she suggested.

In the past, Duo would have protested that, but now, he let that advice roll around in his head.

�I just want things to go back to normal,� he murmured, feeling tired to his bones, �Before, I was so scared that he blamed me, and I was scared at� at how my past put him in danger� but I miss him!�

�Then tell him that,� Name urged, �Tell him how much all of� this is hurting you. You need to work at this, the two of you. Would you rather to lose your friendship than have some hardships and fears?�

Duo shook his head frantically.

�I don�t want to lose him,� his voice was strained with fear.

�Good,� she said, untangling her arms from around him, �Now that that�s settled, it�s time to go back to sleep.�

�Can�t I go home?� Duo begged.

�Not until morning,� Name sighed, �Better safe than sorry.�

�Where did Heero go?� the longhaired boy asked.

�Hopefully, in the cafeteria getting some food,� Name told him.

Duo finally managed a smile.

�Good,� he nodded.

Name almost laughed on that. Sometimes she forgot that Duo worried about her son as much as she did.

�Bed,� she ordered at the same time she was helping him under the covers.

Duo hated sleeping on his back, but he was too scared to go onto his side like he was used to because of the IVs. He was still scared of the needles, but Name was here. And Heero would be back soon. It was ok to sleep. Now that he could think, he understood that. Name watched the American fight his way to sleep with a fond smile on her face. In reality, she couldn�t blame Duo or Heero for feeling useless right now. When Duo had come to live with her, she had thought, with the most absolute surety, that she could protect him. With her money and power, she had thought she could take care of everything for him. But all of that amounted to nothing. Wes was still out there and he had gotten away with so much, right under her nose. She felt just as useless right now as her children. She had never felt like this before and she really didn�t like it.

She turned to face the door as it opened and Heero walked through, his coffee long gone and looking a little bit more alert.

�Did you eat?� she asked.

�Yes,� he said.

�Sleep,� she continued to prod.

�Yes,� he was starting to get a little bit annoyed.

�Pee?� she teased.

�Mother,� he growled and sat down next to her.

�Well?� she poked him in the side and he squirmed from her, his side was always ticklish and Name knew that.

�Yes, I went to the bathroom,� he said dryly.

Name wondered if she should tell him that Duo had woken, but that would just excite Heero and she didn�t want him waking Duo up now that he was asleep again.

�Good,� she said with a grin, remembering Duo�s earnest concern about Heero getting something to eat.

Who knew she was raising two mother hens? She chuckled at that.

�What�s so funny?� Heero demanded.

�Oh, nothing��
*****
Morning came faster than Name had anticipated. Both she and Heero had stayed awake all night, despite the mother in her telling her that she should force Heero to sleep. The time was helped along by Duo�s mystery novel, which she read aloud to Heero, much to his amusement. By the time morning came and Duo was fed his hospital sanctioned breakfast, she had been at the last chapter and read that to Duo as well. It was nice to see him without drugs clouding his eyes. He didn�t eat very fast and there seemed to be some heaviness to his feelings and thoughts, but he did eat most of his food.

Name took one look at the rubbery pancakes and chunky yogurt and grimaced. Duo ate it like it didn�t bother him at all and she knew that it didn�t, but it bothered her. He shouldn�t have to have that attitude at all. She hoped that Trowa would make some chocolate chip pancakes for him when they got him home, they were his favorite and Trowa was the one he made them the best. The Italian refused to share the recipe with her, claiming that it was a family secret, and Duo said it had something to do with cinnamon, but Name had no clue. They had all wanted to come help pick Duo up, but Name had eventually convinced them to stay put and just help with a relaxing breakfast. She was sure that Duo wanted to go home as soon as possible.

Duo was doing a lot better off the drugs, he was more alert, less confused, and less pale, but there seemed to be a dark cloud hanging over his head the color of pitch. He was deep in his thoughts, only given them their attention if they spoke directly to him. A nurse had bustled in only a few minutes ago to remove the IVs and Duo seemed immensely relieved to have the needles out of his arms, but Name still felt worried. Duo had the nasty habit of getting overwhelmed by dark thoughts in times like these, and hardly ever told them what was on his mind. Right now, Duo should have been overjoyed by the prospect of going home, but he had this pained look in his eyes and Name wondered if he was already being swallowed up by memories prompted by Wes� appearance. If he was, she had no idea how to help him.

Stark came in minutes after the nurse had left, giving them only a few moments of peace. His timing was so perfect and organized that Name pictured him as one of those tiny, toy soldiers that came out of cuckoo clocks on the hour. When you first saw them, you thought of how perfect and cute they were, but after awhile, their promptness and march just started to annoy you. The aptness of the doctor as a toy or useless piece of clockwork almost made her laugh, but that wouldn�t be very professional, and most of all, she an image to project, especially in front of this man.

For the life of her, Name wasn�t entirely sure what it was about Dr. Stark that pissed her off so much. When they had first met each other, Duo had been on the operating table with the doctor fighting for the boy�s life and at that moment, she had been too preoccupied with the thought that the young teenager might die before her son even got to say goodbye to him for her to think about the doctor�s attitude. But now after she had had the chance to meet him a few times, she saw that he was pompous, arrogant, and clearly didn�t like her or her family. What really pissed her off was the fact that, any slight he found in her, he was going to transfer onto Duo. But the fact remained that he was an excellent doctor, if not a great person, and they owed him for saving Duo�s life when it had seemed unlikely he would survive. Duo hadn�t complained about him, but Name was well aware of Duo�s bad habit of not telling them when something was wrong.

He was thorough, she would give him that. Even if he did project the image of an ass, he was professional enough that he examined Duo without bias. He checked his blood pressure, heart rate, and pupils quickly and efficiently, glad to see that everything was normal, glad like any doctor to know that he had done right by a patient, even if he didn�t particularly like this patient. He gave a little nod of approval when he noted that Duo had eaten all of his food. Usually, between injury, the after affects of drugs, and just the general poor quality of hospital food, patients hesitated to eat, but Duo didn�t seem to have a problem with it.

All that was left was to check the wound on Duo�s shoulder, the possible damage he had done when he had tried to rip out his Ivs, and then have a little chat with Name about something he had been contemplating last night, something that, while not entirely professional, had made his pent up anger at the family and longhaired boy recede a little. And maybe it was a little bit petty, but he hadn�t brought it up and it was already making him feel better, on top of the world again, the first time since the boy had hit him with that water glass. The best part of all� it seemed so logical, something any doctor would suggest� only, he would pursue it personally, and he bet that the woman watching him push the shoulder of Duo�s gown to the side wouldn�t even realize that he was taking a personal interest in all of this. He hid a smirk as he unwrapped Duo�s bandages, not noticing how the boy flinched at the tenderness of the wound. He examined it like he would normally, even as his mind was elsewhere.

�This seems to be healing nicely,� he noted out loud, �and the transfusion went well, but we still need to be cautious about infection. The same is true of the electrical burns. The marks should fade in a couple of days, but I want you to put antibacterial cream on both wounds and change the bandages on your shoulder once every day for at least three days.�

He looked at Name.

�I take it you�re going to be the one to change the bandages?� he asked.

The placement of the bullet wound was too awkward for Duo to be able to fix the wrappings himself so he would have to have someone else do it.

�Unless you want someone else to do it?� Name addressed Duo.

The violet eyed boy blushed darkly and shook his head, not meeting her eyes.

�I don�t mind if you do it,� he murmured.

He felt incredibly embarrassed by all of this. He had spent his entire life taking care of his own wounds. Sure, there were times when Wes had hurt him so badly, the blonde had paid off a doctor to come to the apartment to treat him, but those times had been so bad, he had had no idea how to help himself, and he considered it just a business. He was like a piece of machinery that had broken down and Wes was just paying someone to fix him so he could keep on working. He had known that, if money hadn�t been involved, that doctor wouldn�t have even looked at him. But this was different. He had always had a hard time with the idea of someone taking care of him. He had been self reliant for so long, no one had taken care of him out of the goodness of their heart.

When Wes hurt him enough to bleed, he had stolen fresh bandages and had wrapped himself up on his own. If he couldn�t wrap the wound by himself, he didn�t. He�d just swab at it with paper towels until the bleeding slowed, then left it alone to heal. He supposed that was why he had so many scars, he had never really properly healed his wounds. But that was just who he was, a byproduct of the streets. It was something that Solo, also a street kid, had understood, but Shi, as hard as he was, never had. Whenever Duo had shown up with an injury, Shi had always tried to help him and had never gotten why it embarrassed the younger American so much.

Truthfully, though the painkiller had been taken out of him, the bullet wound didn�t hurt very much, but he still agreed to let Name be the one to help him with the bandages, even if it was something he wouldn�t put a lot of thought in. He usually ended up ignoring wounds if they didn�t hurt very much. He was too used to them. But when Name smiled at him like that, he couldn�t help but agree with anything she said or asked. Wes would slap him if he ever heard that one of his greatest weaknesses was the smile of one woman, but it was something he understood. His entire life, he had yearned to find someone who would smile at him like that, and he hated himself for that need, but it was one he had shoved down deep inside of himself, until he had met Name. For a long time, he had thought that it was just Heero that had awoken the desire in him to escape from Wes, who had given him the strength to try to do that, but he knew it was Name, too.

He guessed that was why he couldn�t possibly look forward to going home like he should. He was terrified. Literally, he was so scared, he felt like, if he thought about that fear for even a second, he would break apart. He should be ecstatic to go home, to leave this place and go back to the one place he felt safe. His home� his sanctuary� the only one he had ever known. But that was just it. He didn�t feel safe anymore. That castle that he had created in the wake of losing so much and finding, finally, something to live for, something to look forward to� Wes had ripped all that from him. No matter what happened� he would always hate Wes for this moment. He just wanted to go home and feel safe again�

Wes had told Heero that they couldn�t protect him, but he had meant more than that. He was also saying that, no matter where Duo went, no matter what dark corner he holed himself up in, Wes would find him. He would always find him. He had meant what he had said to Name last night, Wes wasn�t a man. To say he was just a man would be to say that he had limitations, that, when his goal got too costly, he would stop. But he wouldn�t. He knew, more than anymore, more than even Chris, that Wes wouldn�t give up. He didn�t think that Wes even understood what it took to surrender to someone else�s will. He would keep trying to get him, even if it meant his death. Because of that� Duo could never call him a man, such a person wasn�t human, not really.

Wes was the Boogieman, he was his worst nightmare and he would find him in the darkest nights because Wes wouldn�t ever stop. He had always been purely focused on one thing. Before, that thing had been power and control, and now� now that thing was Duo. How could he ever possibly feel safe again knowing that all Wes� terrible power and obsession was focused solely on kidnapping him? He felt like he was losing everything. And yet� Name and Heero were still here with him. Even if he didn�t feel safe, he still felt that he had people who would try to protect him. In that sense� Wes would never win. This one little thing, the thing that Wes had tried to destroy in Heero and his friends, was just as tenacious as Wes was. No matter what had become between himself and Heero, his best friend was still here, he still cared. No matter what Wes said� that meant more to him than anything.

�Though there doesn�t seem to be any infection and the would really is healing normally,� Stark�s voice gained Duo�s attention again, �There will be a scar-,�

�Save your breath,� Duo cut him off, �I know everything there is to know about scar tissue.�

Heero caught the bitterness in Duo�s voice and his right hand curled into a tight fist. After all this time� Duo still sounded like that� He knew that Duo would always be haunted by his past, but he wished that, someday, he would be able to look at himself without that bitterness. No one should hate themselves that much, especially not someone like Duo, who was so used to people looking down on him. His self esteem was only partially because of the way Duo saw himself, but after having nearly everyone around him look down on him, he had thought that his lack of worth was something true.

And of course Duo knew everything about scar tissue, he was covered in enough of it, but Heero didn�t think that Duo had ever taken care of his scarred skin properly. Heero didn�t think of them as ugly, though he knew that Duo did. They were disturbing to him, though, because every scar, every mark on his body was one more bad memory, just one more piece of evidence that he had suffered. It didn�t make Heero feel any better considering that many of those scars were so old, he had to have been a small child when they had been given to him. And Wes claimed to love Duo? What did that bastard know of love? He had given Duo most of those wounds, if not all of them, so how could he say that he loved him when Heero knew that he loved Duo with all of his heart, and just the memory of striking him, the thought of causing him any pain, made him want to vomit? How could he claim to love Duo as much as Heero did when just the sight of those scars filled his heart with such a terrible pain?

Stark bristled at the dismissal, feeling vastly annoyed that the teenager had, once again, brushed him off, but was wise enough not to say or do anything about it, at least not in front of Name Yuy. Instead, he grabbed Duo�s arms, nearly smirking when Duo flinched at the move, and turned them over. For a brief moment, Stark�s grip reminded him of Wes� and he shuddered. Would he forever be reminded of him� would he always see bits and pieces of him in the people around him� in his own heart and feelings? Frankly, he was sick of it. It was bad enough that he couldn�t escape Wes in the real world, he couldn�t even force him out of his thoughts, either.

�Well, at least you didn�t damage anything further with your foolishness,� Stark said briskly as he examined the areas on Duo�s arms where the IVs had been.

Both Name and Heero stiffened at the doctor�s tone.

�He wasn�t trying to hurt himself on purpose,� Name said defensively.

Stark turned his cold stare on her and felt annoyed that she didn�t back down. He let go of Duo�s arms and fought against a smirk. Such an expression, considering what he was going to say next, would be� inappropriate.

�Considering his severe reactions last night� or should I say, his breakdowns, I�m suggesting that he stay here for a few more days,� he told Name, �We have an excellent psychiatric ward here.�

Duo stared up at the doctor from his hospital bed with wide, terrified eyes. They were going to keep him here? No� no, he didn�t want to stay here anymore! He wanted to go home with Name and Heero! Even if he didn�t feel safe anymore� he belonged there. Maybe he didn�t deserve to be there, and maybe he was out of place, but he belonged there because Heero, Name, Quatre, and Trowa belonged there and he belonged with them, because the only times he felt like he belonged anywhere had been with them. Even in Wes� apartment, he felt like a ghost. He said he belonged with Wes because it was familiar to him, but that didn�t mean that he felt comfortable there. He felt comfortable with the Yuy�s with his friends.

He couldn�t let them keep him here. He couldn�t let them lock him away� locked away� chained� unable to escape� it was going to be like before, all that darkness, surrounding him and keeping him from moving, when all he wanted was to see the people he loved one last time�

Name watched in alarm as Duo suddenly went deathly pale and started to hyperventilate. She swore loudly and quickly went to sit on the corner of the bed, putting an arm around Duo�s slim back and rubbing it affectionately.

�This is exactly what I am talking about,� Stark said gruffly, �He flies off the handle at every little thing. It would be better for him if he were looked after by a professional. Clearly you aren�t equipped to deal with him.�

� �Every little thing�?� Name snarled at him, �After what he went through yesterday, these panic attacks aren�t an overreaction, but since you don�t have all the details, you have no right to make any kind of decision! You just suggested that we abandon Duo here, when he�s feeling scared and vulnerable, so you can sic your therapists on him, when all he wants to do is to go home! Of course he�s going to panic when you throw out a half-assed suggestion like that! He has one bad dream, one bad moment, and your solution is to sedate him, which only gave him more nightmares and more panic attacks! Now you want to keep him in the one place that makes him the most anxious! So far, the only one here that�s proven to be incapable of handling him is you!�

Name felt like her insides were boiling over with rage. How dare that pompous ass look her in the eyes and tell her that, not only should Duo be analyzed and treated like a mental patient, locked up where Name couldn�t help him, but that Duo�s reactions were �foolish� and that she was a bad guardian?! She had lived with him for months and could easily say that she was the only adult suited to taking care of Duo. Hell, she was the only adult that cared enough to stand up to this doctor for his best interests. Yes, she thought that Duo could benefit greatly from some psychiatric care, but on his terms. If Duo didn�t seek out help himself, any effort to help him would fail. Forcing him to talk to a therapist was only going to turn him off to the whole process, making it virtually impossible for him to reach out when he was ready for that kind of help.

She was certainly no idiot and even someone with half a brain could see that Duo was overly anxious because of this hospital. How could anyone in their right mind think that separating him from his family and handing him over to the psychiatric ward on a second�s notice was going to do him any good?! Hell, Duo was shaking under her hand at the mere suggestion of it. The thing was, she knew that Stark wasn�t a fool, either. He had to know that this suggestion of his was a bad idea, so why did he seem to believe it? She had no idea what his game was, but her every nerve was on alert. She just wanted to get Duo home with no incidents and now she had to deal with this.

�Duo will be just fine once he�s home with us,� Name continued to rant, �And I am far more capable of making sure he is calm and relaxed than this hospital is!�

Almost in response to her words, Duo�s breathing finally slowed to normal. The feeling of her body against him, her arm stroking his back, was all he needed to feel that measure of safety again, diminished by Wes� assault, but still there. That was right� Name was here� she wouldn�t let him get locked up again� she would protect him� even if she was powerless, at least she would try. Heero let go of the breath he had been holding when he had seen Duo�s imminent panic attack. His mom really was on a roll today in dealing with the pompous doctor. Even if she wasn�t, there was no way in hell Heero was letting his best friend get taken away from him! He noted how Stark was gritting his teeth and looking like he wanted to strangle his mother. Good, let him try something. Heero had started to hate the man ever since he had yelled at Duo for �slipping� in the bathroom and hurting himself. He was sure that, if Stark kept this up, his mother was going to punch him in the face, and she was usually such a collected person.

�I won�t be taking your suggestion,� Name said, a bit calmer now that Duo was over his panic attack, �I�ll be taking him home with us.�

The rest of Duo�s fear of confinement flooded out of him at her words. Home� even if it wasn�t sanctuary anymore, he wanted to go there more than anything at this moment.

�You�re making a big mistake,� Stark advised and everyone could hear the strain of anger in his tone.

�I don�t give a shit,� Name said coldly.

Heero and Duo stared at her with wide eyes. Heero thought he could count how many times he had heard his mother swear on one hand.

�Fine,� Stark gritted out, still furious, but not mad enough to completely lose it in front of Name, �But he shouldn�t stress his shoulder and those� anxiety attacks are a problem. He shouldn�t go back to school for a few days, at least.�

�I can�t skip school-,� Duo started to protest.

�It�s not a problem,� Name told Stark, �One of his teachers witnessed his wound, so it�ll be easy to get him excused.�

Duo looked at her stressfully, Williams� constant insults ringing in his ears, along with his promise to Treize that he would do his hardest. Name caught the look and gave him a soft smile.

�It�s alright,� she assured him, �You need some time to relax after all this.�

�I can handle it,� he said, but even he knew it was a lie.

His voice wavered even as he said it, the thought of going to school, having to deal with Williams� and Zechs� crap, added to the threat of Wes showing up again was already making him feel like he was going to start to hyperventilate again, living it just might give him an ulcer. But what choice did he have? He didn�t want to fall back on his old patterns of missing classes, proving to Williams� that he really didn�t deserve to have a second chance.

�Sweetie,� Name said sadly, hating to see him so distressed, �You need your rest. I�ll explain the situation to Mr. Khushrenada. He�s helped you in the past, you know he�ll understand. Besides, we�ll make sure you won�t fall behind in your class work. Between Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Heero, all your classes are covered. They can bring you your notes and homework assignments and see that you get your work in on time. Besides, it will just be for a few days, a week if you�re not feeling better by then.�

Duo brightened a little at that. If he didn�t miss his assignments, that wouldn�t be so bad, right? And Quatre, who had most of his classes, was great at taking notes. He could do that�

�Ok,� he agreed.

�And I�ll make sure that Williams� doesn�t give you any bullshit about missing class,� Heero piped in, giving Duo an encouraging smile.

Duo�s chest suddenly felt warm at that smile. Name�s words about Heero not hating him came back to him and he felt his insides shiver. It was so easy to believe, maybe because he wanted to believe it so badly�

�I�ll get the release forms,� Stark said in a near grumble and strode out.

Duo looked up at Name the second the doctor was out the door.

�I can go home?� Duo asked in a small voice.

Name was overcome with how vulnerable he looked and sounded. She very much wanted to run after the doctor and punch him in the face for making Duo so scared. She hugged him tightly.

�Of course you�re coming home!� she kissed the top of his head, �I would never let you stay in this place another day, unless your health depended on it. Now, I brought you a change of clothes. You can get changed while I�m signing the release papers, then we can go home, together.�

Duo gave her a small smile, but it was one that was brimming with relief. Home� it wasn�t what it used to be, he didn�t know if it ever would be again, but it was his and it would always be a sanctuary for him, if not from Wes, then from that feeling of cold loneliness in his chest he always got when he was away from it. J
　

End Part 24
　

　

　

　

　

　

　

(1) Translation: Go to sleep, go to sleep

You�re a good boy, go to sleep

Where did your career go?

She/he crossed the mountain and went to his/her home village

What souvenir did you get from the village?

A loud taiko drum and a red flute
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The Road to Kindness