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The Road to Kindness	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7934 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Road to Kindness
Chapter 8: The Second Son
Part 1
　

Duo jolted awake as though he had been shot with a bolt of electricity. It was still the dark of the night, not even close to morning. There was no traffic out on the street, giving the Yuy home a deep silence, with the exception of the sounds of crickets, which had just started to sing as the weather had gotten warmer. The day had reached a high of 90 degrees, and even now the air would be stifling without the air conditioner. Still, Duo�s faced was flush from exertion and he was covered in sweat, but it wasn�t from the temperature. His breath came out in whooshing pants that made his chest hurt, but he was barely aware of any of this as his heart pounded and disturbing thoughts filled his head.

He wasn�t safe. He could feel it, deep down in his bones. Somewhere, deep down inside, Duo was aware that he had just had another nightmare. It wasn�t nearly as bad as the ones he had had previously, just little over a month ago, but it was bad enough to leave him like this. He remembered the dark, the one element that chased him into all of his dreams, no matter what they were about. It was like many of the dreams that had plagued him ever since Wes had chained him to his bed. There had been that darkness, oppressive and thick, seeping into his lungs and filling him with disturbing thoughts and images with every breath that he took. It had held him down with such a power that no matter how hard he fought, he knew that he could never free himself from it.

He remembered, though it was completely dark, the impression of horrible shadows around him and the knowledge that they wanted to wanted to fuck him, wanted to beat him, wanted to play with him, wanted to hurt him, but he couldn�t even scream, let alone try to run away. He remembered the feeling of those shadows running over his skin, and his intense desire to disappear from the fabric of existence, just like he had back then� back then, in that room and on that bed. He was out in the open again. On a bed again. And he knew that he wasn�t safe, that the shadows would come for him, just like in the dream, and they would touch him and hold him down. They would give him those nasty, bad thoughts and make him wish that he was free, just so he could end it all�

It was dark here. It was dark everywhere, like the shadows were the only thing that existed and they had swallowed up everything. He needed the light, he needed safety� he needed to hide, then the shadows wouldn�t get him�
　

　

　

It was kind of funny how life could turn full circle on you, yet never be completely the same, Heero thought as he lied awake in his bed, looking up at the ceiling. He still hadn�t bought that poster to put up there, and he felt like he really should if he was going to continue have nights when he couldn�t sleep, and was just staring up there. It almost felt like it had before, back when he hadn�t been talking to Duo, but it wasn�t. Over a month had passed since that moment on the beach and all of April had passed them by and now the last week of school was upon them, which was just weird to think of. When they had left that beach and gone home, Heero had assumed that it would be hard. Saying that they were going to fix their relationship was easy, but to actually do it, after all that time ignoring each other and their own needs, it wasn�t going to be easy.

It hadn�t turned out that way. Things had gone back to the way they had been like a switch had been thrown. It was like they had never been pushing away from each other to begin with. They fell back into old patterns and were open to each other with ease. It was a massive relief to both of them, Heero was sure. Duo certainly needed that stability in his life, and seeing the changes in him recently, back to someone who was gaining confidence and was trying hard to find the ground under his feet, made Heero question his readiness to hurt their relationship that way. He knew that he, personally, felt so much better with things back the way they had been before Boston, he could barely imagine how much better Duo was feeling.

The return of Duo�s confidence hadn�t been immediate. He had still suffered from terrible nightmares about Wes and his past, but Heero had made sure that he had been there to help him through it each time. It had been a severe change from letting Duo take care of things on his own and the benefit to his friend was obvious. It was enough to make him curse himself out for denying this for so long. Duo needed him. That was a fact and it became obvious to him each time Duo had a bad dream, only to relax and settle out of it when Heero was there for him. As the weeks had passed, and with Heero watching over his sleep, the more extreme of Duo�s nightmares had vanished. He still had bad dreams, but he was no longer trying to stave off sleep in fear of them.

The less nightmares that Duo had, the more sleep he got, so his problems with fatigue had almost completely vanished. There were still moments when Duo had to take naps, which greatly worried Heero, but they weren�t as frequent and he hadn�t had anymore blackouts. Duo was leaving the house more, too, and to the untrained eye, it seemed that he was getting over his paranoia about Wes, but Heero knew his best friend too well to be fooled by that. Duo was trying not to let Wes� sudden presence bother him, was trying to act like everything was fine, but Heero saw how hesitant he was to leave the house for work and how alert and tense he was when he left the house.

He went to the movies and out to dinner, like they usually did, but it seemed like Duo only truly relaxed when he was surrounded by his friends. He seemed to be really trying to move on with his life, but Heero was worried that Wes� re-emergence was straining his best friend. He knew very well how good Duo was at hiding his feelings. He would always be there for Duo. He had promised himself that back on that beach in late March. Even if Wes showed up again, even if things got painful and hard, he would be there, no matter what stupid fight they were in the middle of. But� it still wasn�t quite that easy. He still doubted that he had the ability to protect Duo. Boston and Wes� assault had shown him how powerless he was and it had been a serious blow to his confidence, but even if he couldn�t do anything, he wouldn�t abandon Duo ever again.

For the life of him, he couldn�t understand why Duo had so much faith in him. What had he done to instill that utter belief in him? Duo�s heart seemed so big, so full of feeling, and he was constantly amazed that Duo always put him first, his feelings were always so strong when he was involved. He just felt so� so inadequate when it came to his best friend and crush. He loved him and he wanted to provide for Duo everything that he needed, so being unable to protect him from Wes was very painful. Thinking of all this, of the sudden disruption of their lives, gave Heero the powerful urge to check up on his friend. He had been doing that a lot lately, fuelled by Duo�s nightmares and paranoia that Wes might try to take him from the house.

With a sigh, Heero rolled off his bed. He didn�t know why, but he felt restless and couldn�t sleep. Maybe it was because of how hot it had been today, but he was sincerely glad that he wasn�t getting insomnia because he was being tortured by his own thoughts like he had been a month ago. Even if he couldn�t sleep, it was nice that the reason was different. As he passed by the basket where Angel and Cotton were sleeping, Cotton cracked one irritated eye at him. With a small smile, Heero knelt down and scratched his grey ear, making the cat purr. He had gotten used to their presence and his normal hesitance towards the animals had vanished. Actually, though he would never admit it out loud, he was becoming quite fond of them. Watching the two cats be so relaxed as they napped made Heero feel relaxed, too, and he was glad that he got to look after some of Duo�s cats. It might seem silly, but it made him feel more connected to him.

That feeling of contentment quickly vanished when Heero snuck into Duo�s room to check up on him, only to find the bed empty, the sheets tossed aside frantically. Heero�s heart started to race as he saw the open window. He knew that it had been closed before Duo had gone to bed, since his mother had them close all the windows when the air was on. He practically ran to the window. What if Duo had disappeared again? What if he was hurt or lost? What if Wes had taken him? He felt like he was hyperventilating, like his heart was going to explode. Had he failed again? He looked out the window in desperation, feeling like he was going to scream, thinking of Duo jumping out of this window�

Heero looked down at the height from the window to the ground and shook his head. Duo couldn�t have jumped from here without hurting himself. He was being stupid again, he had to be. And yet, his heart refused to settle. Duo had a habit of opening this window before he went to bed out of habit, even though Name scolded him for it when the air was on. There was a screen on the window to keep the mosquitoes out, so even if Duo or someone else had taken it out, it was unlikely they would have put it back on. Duo had to be here, in this room, or maybe he had gotten a glass of water. That was much more likely than the theory that he had jumped out the window in a fit. It didn�t make any sense, but his panic didn�t want to look at reason.

His deep blue eyes darted around the room, trying to find some clue as to where Duo was. He easily saw Sammy, not on his usual spot on the desk or bed, but sitting on the floor, oddly peering under the bed. With a shaking heart, Heero knelt next to the cat and looked where Sammy was looking. Sure enough, Duo was there, curled up tightly on the hard floor, his arms wrapped around Shiva, and his eyes half lidded from sleepiness, yet still very alert. It was almost eerie seeing those violet eyes looking at him from under the bed like that, but Heero only felt an immense relief that he had found him, and worried about why Duo was hiding underneath his bed. He suddenly noticed that Duo was shaking, like a terrified animal, and his worry grew.

�Duo, what�s wrong?� Heero asked in a soft, non-threatening tone, forcing himself not to reach out to his friend physically, knowing that would probably just scare him further.

He remembered previous times when Duo was like this and knew that logic didn�t really matter to the other boy in these �fits�. He needed to find a way to comfort him, to appeal to his base nature, his fear that was controlling him right now. Sometimes, it was hard to find out what had sparked that fear. Even when he was scared, Duo was a very closed off person when it came to his own feelings, but this time, Duo didn�t hesitate.

�It�s too dark,� the longhaired boy murmured.

Shiva�s golden eyes glowed through the shadows and Heero almost shivered with it combined to hearing Duo�s fear of the dark. At first he was confused since the orb on Duo�s desk was still lit, which was how he usually slept, but it wasn�t too hard for him to figure it out.

�He�s remembering when Wes chained him for those few weeks,� Heero thought angrily, �He�s thinking about that time when he was trapped in that dark room, when he thought that he was going to die there, never to see the sun again. If he�s thinking that, it�s no wonder why he couldn�t sleep on his bed.�

Heero�s rage, remembering Duo talking about what Wes had done to him while they were all looking for him was so immense, it was almost a physical entity in his throat. Wasn�t it enough that Wes had taken Duo�s childhood from him, that he had raped and abused him for all those years? For him to do something so cruel, so inhumane, it was hard for Heero to even consider. Once again, he was struck with the thought that he had no idea where he stood. How could he possibly comfort Duo against a memory that dark and twisted? The singular event that Duo constantly equated with the breaking of his mind? The thing that had made him doubt reality? But he had to try. He knew that much, he had to try.

�Please come out,� he tried to coax his best friend, �That can�t be very comfortable. And the floor is so cold, you�ll make yourself sick.�

To the Japanese boy�s dismay, Duo shook his head vehemently, too lost in his memories and his fear of any kind of darkness to come out. Would the longhaired boy always be like this, Heero wondered. Would he always be terrified of the dark because of what Wes had done to him? Wasn�t there anyway to show him that the dark didn�t need to be feared anymore?

�Nothing will hurt you,� Heero told him, �It�s just me.�

�You promise?� Duo asked, sounding like he was pleading, his voice small and vulnerable like it always was when he was having a panic attack.

Heero hesitated, the words that he needed to say were on his tongue, but his heart wasn�t sure if they should spill out. How could he possibly trust his own promises anymore? Duo said that it was ok, that he didn�t think of it that way, but it still made Heero�s heart hurt, knowing that all those old promises had fallen flat. He had promised Duo that he would never have to have sex again unless he wanted it. Chris had kidnapped and raped him. Heero had promised him that he would never be in danger, that he would always protect him. Wes had shot him. In the face of that, promises seemed so silly, and yet� and yet they were everything to Duo, so they were everything to Heero. If they didn�t have these promises, these beliefs, what was there? Those promises were their desires to keep this relationship going.

�I promise you,� Heero said easily, with passion and a soft smile, �As long as I�m here, the shadows will never be able to touch you.�

If those old promises had failed them, then he would just have to make new promises. It was just that simple. It always should have been that simple, but he had lost his faith. When he had lost his faith in those promises, he had killed them more than Wes had by making it impossible for him to protect Duo. He couldn�t do that again. Duo needed this too much, even if it was illogical, even if he couldn�t keep these new promises anymore than the old ones, Duo needed to believe in them, and Heero needed that, too.

From under the bed, Duo�s violet eyes widened in shock at Heero�s words. Those comforting words� he had missed them so much. It was one of the hundred things that had made him fall in love with his best friend, how easy it came to Heero to make him feel safe. Before meeting him, he had never felt safe, not for a single moment in his entire life. He had wondered, had feared, that he might not ever hear that comforting tone again, those promises� Heero just seemed so hesitant to promise him anything, and even if they were trying to mend their relationship, Duo constantly worried that they would be unable to. Those words told him that it was possible, they could let go of the past and keep moving forward. He realized that Heero understood. The blue eyed boy knew exactly what he was so scared of. Again and again, he was able to look inside of him like that. It was terrifying and wonderful at the same time, how Heero could see inside of his soul and know the right things to say and do to make him feel better after a life of hiding such things.

When Duo reached out a hand to Heero, the other boy took it. Duo�s hand felt cold and small in his larger one and Heero was suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of how vulnerable Duo still was after all this time. No, maybe he was even more vulnerable because he had things to loose. They had made him vulnerable. But at the same time, Duo had shown him an incredible strength and perseverance to keep on trying, to keep on living and surviving. The coldness of his hand seemed so lonely and Heero wanted to hug him. If bringing Duo here, to his home, and giving him a second chance had made him vulnerable, maybe it had made him strong, too. Heero helped his friend out from under the bed and Duo continued to kneel on the floor, looking around the room nervously. Somewhere deep inside, he knew that these fears of his were silly. There was nothing in his room that he should be afraid of, but his heart still raced with anxiety, his subconscious screaming at him to run, to find some place small where only he could fit, where no monsters or shadows could reach him.

�Stay here, ok?� Heero said, putting his hands on Duo�s shoulders.

Just the sound of Heero�s voice was enough to make those fears seem weak all of a sudden. It robbed the shadows of their strength over his heart and Duo nodded in agreement. Still, he felt exposed, like an animal caught in a trap, just waiting for the hunter to return. When Heero stood and left him, Duo felt an indescribable fear fill him, but fought down the urge to make a grab for Heero�s shirt. He had more pride than that. That was an alien concept like nothing else, him having any sort of pride. But he couldn�t deny the fact that he did have that. Just like Name and Heero�s love, that pride gave him strength, even if it was fleeting at times. Even if he could have some sort of control over those fears, Duo watched Heero�s every move, refusing to let the other boy out of his sight. He wondered if, one day, these nightmares and his dependency on other people would ever fade and he could stand on his own. He wondered if he was strong enough to find that place. He wondered if losing that dependency would make him stop trying to be normal, or if being independent was the normalcy he had been yearning for for so long. Did it matter? In the end, after everything he had struggled against, he didn�t think he could go on without the friends and family he had finally found.

Heero made his way around the room, turning on every single light he came across, the one to his desk, the bedside lamp, the television, he even went into the bathroom and turned the lights on in there, keeping the door open. He didn�t care if the light streaming from under the door would inevitably draw his mother or friends� attentions. He briefly remembered back when Relena had paid those boys to jump Duo and how Duo had been terrified of Heero leaving his sight. The longhaired boy looked scared now, too, but he didn�t yell for Heero to come back when he disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. Heero easily felt a burst of pride about that. Duo was always disparaging himself, saying that for every step he took towards being stronger, he was really taking two steps back, in between his nightmares and panic attacks, but in reality, remembering how Duo was when they had first met, he had grown so much. He just wished that Duo could see that.

When Heero was done dispelling the room of the shadows that Duo was so terrified of, he returned to the violet eyed boy. He took the mattress off the bed, sheets and all, and pulled it to the ground. He had no idea if this would work, if it was the entirety of the bed that was bothering Duo, or if the mattress would be just as bad, but he knew that Duo wouldn�t be sleeping on the bed tonight and wasn�t willing to have him sleep on the hard, cold floor, either. To his relief, Duo gave him a small smile.

�Thank you, Heero,� he said in a voice as small as his smile, but just as genuine, too.

�It�s not a big deal,� Heero assured him, �We all get scared sometimes. There�s no shame in it, or in trying to find any kind of solution to that fear.�

�Even you?� Duo asked shyly, looking at Heero through his sleep mussed bangs.

The cuteness of the expression was robbed as Heero remembered when Wes shot Duo and the incredible terror he had felt afterwards, when his mother had woken him up in the waiting room and Heero had expected the worst, not to mention that dream he had had� He shuddered.

�Yes,� he confessed, �Especially me.�

Duo looked away from him, down at the floor in embarrassment.

�I�m sorry,� he murmured, �I�m sorry for acting this way. I shouldn�t let a stupid nightmare bother me this much,� Duo looked down at his hand, which was still shaking with nervousness, �I especially shouldn�t let it bother you. I�m sorry I can�t control myself better and I�m sorry I�m such a nuisance to you.�

Hearing Duo apologize so much, and saying that he was a nuisance, made something inside of Heero snap.

�Stop it!� he demanded tersely, �I hate it when you do this!�

Duo stared at him in shock for a moment, then swiftly looked away, his cheeks bright red with shame. Of course Heero hated it when he got like this. He was such a bother� Heero must be so sick with dealing with his problems by now, especially after Wes and Chris had threatened his life. Heero had his own problems, after what had happened with his father, then Relena, how could he ever ask his best friend to deal with his, too? He had to learn to deal with it on his own. He had to be stronger, so Heero would be proud of him� Duo�s shoulders began to shake as his thoughts echoed the ones that he had had back when he and Heero hadn�t been speaking with each other. He was too weak, he let such small things bother him constantly. He couldn�t get his feet under him, even after so much had happened and he was finally trying to get better. Why couldn�t he be strong, like Heero was? Why did he have to bother him and bring him down all the time?

Heero saw the heavy shame and embarrassment in Duo�s cloudy eyes and nearly slapped himself. It was happening again. They were misunderstanding each other and now Duo was in pain because of it. He was always fucking up his words like this. Why couldn�t he ever find the right ones to explain why he felt? Why did he always have to explode in anger in times like these, when Duo needed him to be patient and understanding? But hearing him say such things, that he was being a nuisance and that he was weak made him so angry. Not at Duo. It wasn�t his friend�s fault that he felt that way. It wasn�t even solely Wes. Though the bastard had made Duo subservient and meek, Duo had lived his childhood believing that he was nothing, that he was trash. So, it was easy for Heero to understand why Duo thought he was being a nuisance whenever Heero tried to help him through one of his panic attacks. The teenager actually believed that they were going to get tired of helping him, because no one had ever helped him in the past. He didn�t understand how people who loved each other, who loved him were like. He didn�t get the concept of unconditional love. Duo loved them, but someone loving him was alien.

Just thinking of that made Heero�s heart hurt. He had no right to yell at Duo like that just because he was upset. He supposed that that pain was just a sign that of how passionately he loved Duo, but it was hard to control his anger at Duo�s situation. Desperate to wipe that doubting, ashamed look from his friend�s place, Heero gently touched Duo�s cheek, making him look up at him.

�I hate it when you pretend like everything is fine,� Heero said in a gentler tone, �I hate it when you brush everything off as something that shouldn�t bother you and say that you�re just being a bother. I hate it when you say that your past shouldn�t bother you anymore. The reason why you have these panic attacks is because of your past, so don�t say that it doesn�t bother you. I was there when you told us about your childhood, I saw you cry, so don�t say you should be past it by now. There isn�t an expiration date to your problems! There shouldn�t be an expiration date! This is your mind, your heart, your past! It�s what shaped you and no matter how much you try to deny it, you�ll never be able to and you know that. Brushing it off as something that doesn�t matter and trying to ignore these attacks, these nightmares, isn�t going to do anything to help you. It�s just going to make it harder for you to get the help that you need. By saying you�re a bother to me, you�re denying yourself that bit of comfort and you�ll never move on from it. You aren�t a nuisance to me. Not now, not ever, do you understand that? As long as you need me, I�ll be here and it won�t ever be a chore. That�s what being a friend is. I want you to get better as much as you do. Please remember that and never be ashamed of your problems. I�m not.�

Duo stared up at him, his deep violet eyes wide and wet with unshed tears that he couldn�t stop. He struggled against those tears, but it seemed useless. He had no idea what to say. Every time he thought that Heero was looking down on him, he found out that he was just blowing things out of proportion. Heero was kind, so incredibly kind� he never looked down on him or judged him, so why was he always misunderstanding him? Why couldn�t he just believe that Heero would never give up on him? Maybe he loved him so much, it was too hard for him to believe that Heero could care for him that much, because he knew how much it hurt when you were eventually betrayed. But he knew that Heero wasn�t like that. He kept expecting Heero to give up on him, but he still hadn�t. He needed to believe in him so badly�

�I�m glad you�re here,� Duo blurted out.

Heero smiled at him, easily understanding that �I�m glad you�re here� really meant �I�m glad we�re still friends� and �I�m glad we�re talking again.� He pulled the other boy into a tight hug, feeling like his heart was melting when Duo hugged him back, just as tightly, burying his face in Heero�s shoulder. Heero realized that at some point, Duo�s little tremors in his shoulders and hands had eased off. Duo didn�t even realize it. He was too busy thinking about how much he loved Heero and how happy he was that they were trying to fix things. How could they have ever even considered letting this break? He needed this too much to just give up on it. He had given up on so much in his life, his dreams, his innocence, his childhood, friendship, and love� It was such a relief, and so terrifying, having this bond with Heero and his family. It felt so good to be connected to something, to not feel like he was walking through a dream anymore, but also frightening to know how much he could lose if he screwed up.

Heero let go of the shorter boy and let him sit on the mattress. Shiva and Sammy wandered over and sniffed at the bundle of blankets. Heero�s hand lingered on Duo�s shoulder and he felt like his insides were going to explode with happiness when Duo didn�t shrug him off or flinch. He couldn�t remember a time when he was so overwhelmed with happiness and relief.

�Please, try to go back to sleep,� he urged, worried about how tired Duo looked.

He wished that there was some kind pill that Duo could take to get rid of these nightmares. He knew that there were medications that he could take to help with his anxiety, but Wufei had told Duo that his problems weren�t like a general anxiety disorder. He most likely had some kind of post traumatic stress disorder and as long as his severe triggers remained, he would continue to have panic attacks. But if they could get rid of his dreams, Heero was sure that it would go a long way to helping Duo with those panic attacks. After all this time, with all the medication, technology, and knowledge that humans had, dreams were just one of those things that were still mysterious. They seemed so pointless, but without them, a person could actually become mentally and physically unstable. Duo shook his head and looked away from Heero, his eyes clouding over again with that expression that made him look like he was lost and scared, trapped some place that Heero couldn�t see or touch.

�I�m scared,� he confessed.

Even with Heero here, the thought of going to sleep scared him. He didn�t want to dream about Wes or the shadows anymore. He wanted some kind of respite. He thought about his past and the man that was stalking him enough when he was awake. He wanted to dream something nice for a change, but it seemed like the only dreams he remembered were terrible, and if he couldn�t remember a nice dream, it was like it never happened, so what was the point?

�I promised you that you would be safe with me and I meant it,� Heero reminded him, �If you have a nightmare, I�ll wake you up. And if it�s something real, I won�t let it hurt you.�

�You�ll stay with me?� Duo asked meekly, hating himself for his neediness, but loving the way that Heero�s confidence made him feel.

It was like he was soaking up Heero�s strength and assurances like he was a sponge or towel, the more that Heero said that he would make sure he was safe, the more he believed that his friends could do it. He had never had that before meeting Heero. He loved Shi, Solo, and the others, but they had been living their own nightmares and had been ill suited to helping him with his. Maybe that was why Heero was so good at this, he was separate from the nightmares, so he could also separate Duo from his, but he was so kind and empathetic, he could understand how Duo was feeling. It made him want to curl up into Heero�s lap and let him take care of him as though he were a tiny child, something that he had never been in his entire life that he could remember.

�Of course,� Heero said with a smile, �Whatever you need.�

Heero readily lied down next to Duo on the mattress, remembering a time, not too long ago, when he would have been too nervous to do even this, too afraid of Duo pushing him away to try to help him. He couldn�t even imagine doing that now. It just seemed so easy, lying down next to him. His heart was pounding and the thought of the possibility that their skin might touch was powerful, but he no longer felt that that was a bad thing. It excited him and didn�t make him feel guilty. He liked sleeping with Duo, even if there could be nothing sexual about it and it drove him insane sometimes, it was nice, too. It just drove home to him that as much as he wanted Duo to be his boyfriend, they were best friends first and that was just as important. In the past, he had always assumed that lovers were better than friends, they were more important and more emotional, but he loved Duo just as much as a friend as he would if they started dating, which he considered as something that was impossible.

They laid down facing each other and Duo closed his eyes almost the second that Heero pulled the sheets around them. Heero lightly brushed his cheek.

�Go to sleep, ok?� he said softly.

Duo hummed in affirmative, already half asleep, as though his fear had just been an illusion. Heero smirked at his friend and closed his eyes, too. When he felt Sammy crawl in between them, he put his hand on the cats back and Sammy let him, purring deeply. He didn�t analyze the sudden thought that he hadn�t felt this much at home since his first house in Japan, when his father had still been alive. He didn�t dwell on the fact that this place, that he thought he would hate, had suddenly become a place that he couldn�t bear to leave.
　

　

　

For once, when he woke up with Heero mere inches from him, the older teen�s arm around his waist, Duo didn�t feel embarrassed. There was a deep warmth inside of him that made him want to fall back asleep, even though his clock told him that he couldn�t if he didn�t want to miss school. He hadn�t dreamt, not in any way that he could remember, so if he had, it hadn�t been bad. With Heero�s arm around him, Duo had the bold urge to curl up against Heero�s strong chest and had to roll off the mattress to quell it. Heero felt the mattress shift as Duo left it and woke himself. The two boys quickly put the mattress back on the bed and got ready for school, as though Duo�s panic attack had never happened. Duo didn�t talk about it or apologize for it, either, for which Heero was thankful. He didn�t want to hear his best friend apologizing about his faults anymore.

As soon as Heero left him alone in his room, Duo�s motions slowed and he sighed. He ran his hand over his flat stomach mournfully. More than just his relationship with Heero had been mended since that day on the beach when they had confessed their fears to each other. Since then, he hadn�t had any of those strange blackouts, which had gone a long way to healing his fears over falling asleep. His nightmares were better, too. He didn�t dream about Heero getting raped and killed anymore. He didn�t dream about Boston anymore, just that dark room with the chains and the shadows. That was probably one dream that he could never shrug off. To do that, he would have to look back on it and understand it, understand his fear and why that single moment had broken him so quickly. He was too much of a coward to visit those memories of isolation and terror, his belief that he would die that way, chained to a bed. He had only been able to look back on their kidnapping in Boston because Heero had been there to lead him and he found that he was so much stronger with his best friend by his side.

Not everything had gotten better, though. His appetite had gotten better, he supposed, because he felt like eating, but instead of a lack of appetite, he now had constant stomachaches, like the one that he had now. He wasn�t sure if he liked the trade off. He wanted to eat, but it hurt, so he was still forcing himself to consume anything. They weren�t constant, but it felt like there was a tight, twisting band around his stomach that kept relentlessly squeezing him. If that wasn�t bad enough, he kept getting headaches, too, these terrible, intense pains in his head that were a cross between pressure and stabbing aches. It felt like there was something inside of his brain, eating away at him. Whenever he had one, it was impossible to think or do much of anything but concentrate on the pain.

Duo was no stranger to headaches. Wes had slammed his head around enough times that he had gotten used to them, but these felt different. He couldn�t even explain why, but these felt unbearable, different from the times when he had gotten concussions, and they made him feel like he was going to throw up, though he never did. For once, as soon as these problems had started, Duo had told Name about them. After telling Heero about all his thoughts and feelings on the beach, he felt like he was starting over with a blank slate, that he wasn�t keeping any secrets and he very badly wanted to continue that. Making his family worry made Duo feel bad, but it felt just as bad lying to them.

Name seemed to think that the stomachaches and the headaches were probably related to each other. At first, she had thought that Duo�s headaches were just a sign of spring and that he was having allergies, but Duo had confessed that he didn�t have any seasonal allergies. With all of his other problems, he had been blessed with a lack of hay fever and other spring annoyances. He had no idea if he could classify the headaches as migraines or if they were just because of stress. If they were really because of stress, why hadn�t they started right after they had gotten back from Boston, when he and Heero had been having all those problems? Why was he having them now, when they had finally settled things between them? It didn�t make any sense to him. He wanted to feel sick at having these kind of problems, but he was just too happy that he still had Heero in his life. Compared to that, stomachaches and headaches seemed trivial to him.

Duo got dressed for school and headed downstairs to have breakfast. He was hungry, but the pain in his stomach made it hard for him to feel eager to eat anything. He hated feeling this way. The only good thing was that his stomachaches didn�t last all day, so he knew that by lunch, or dinner at the latest, the pain would pass. In the kitchen, Name and his friends were already sitting at the table, eating various kinds of breakfast foods. Heero had a large mug of coffee that he was drinking with his omelet, which looked like he had just made it seconds before, and Duo worried that he might have kept Heero up last night. But, every time he had woken up, Heero had been fast asleep, so he tried to not let it bother him. Seeing Heero consume that much caffeine had Duo almost scolding him, but he just blushed at his own concern and set about putting together his own breakfast.

Name gave him a smile as Duo entered the kitchen, but it quickly dissolved into a frown as the boy completely bypassed the stove and microwave, dug out a loaf of white bread and put two slices into the toaster.

�Another stomachache?� she asked worriedly.

Duo nodded as he pushed down the lever.

�It�s fine, though,� he tried to assure her, �It�s not like it�s going to last all day. I�m sure I�ll be fine by lunch.�

His words did little to destroy Name�s worrying about him. She would always worry about his health. Wes had bashed him around, his skull was cracked, his spleen had ruptured, he had anemia, and he was so small and thin from years of malnutrition. Duo was only fifteen years old, maybe sixteen since Duo had no idea when his birthday was, and he should have a bit more of growing to do, but Name didn�t think that he would. He knew what his health would be like later in life at this point. She didn�t like the fact that Duo had lived his entire life without proper health care and he probably had some problems that could have been fixed a long time ago. It was just one more thing about Duo�s past that angered her, but she was trying to make it right. She didn�t know yet if the headaches and stomachaches were a part of something bad, like an infection, but she was keeping a close eye on him.

�At least put some jelly on it, honey,� she urged.

Duo smiled back at her and went to the refrigerator to take out the grape jelly he used on his sandwiches a lot. He didn�t think he would ever admit it to her, but whenever Name used endearments like that, it made his heart swell with warmth and he had to fight the urge to hug her as tightly as he could. Heero seemed to hate her calling him nicknames, but Duo thought that Heero loved it just as much as he did. It just� it made him feel loved, her care and those silly little names. How could he possibly feel slighted by some aches and pains when he felt this good?

�It�s probably just nerves,� Trowa suggested as he finished chewing his bacon, �We are getting our final grades today.�

Anxiety made Duo�s stomach tighten even further. He didn�t even want to think about getting his grades today. His toast popped up and Duo busied himself with covering the bread with jelly, even as his expression was downcast and he couldn�t help but wonder what kind of grades he would get.

�Maybe,� he mused, �I mean, if I don�t get good grades, they can kick me out of school.�

�Mr. Khushrenada told you that?� Quatre asked with a frown.

Duo nodded.

�He said that when he told me about the board�s decision. He said that I needed to prove that I would be dedicated to my school work, otherwise, I wouldn�t be able to come back next semester,� Duo informed them.

�I�m sure that you did fine,� Name scoffed, �Even if you get a bad grade, and after seeing the grades you�ve gotten so far, I know you won�t, you�ve tried so hard to pick yourself up this semester. I know they�ll see that and let you continue your education. I doubt there�s another student that has struggled and fought as much as you have. You haven�t missed as many classes as last semester and you�ve been doing well on your tests. Don�t worry about your grades. I�m sure you did brilliantly.�

Name�s confidence in him made Duo suddenly feel a confidence in himself. If she was sure, then he was sure, and he knew that she was right anyway. He had gotten good grades so far, so why did he feel so anxious? That confidence was so strange� this was good, wasn�t it? He was never confident in his own abilities, but Name instilled that in him. He just felt like it was a step in the right direction for him, having a little bit of self-confidence for once. That confidence and relief gave him a little bit of more eagerness and he grabbed some slices of bacon for his breakfast as well.
　

　

　

The last week of school had changed little from middle school to high school. It was just as pointless. They had already taken their final exams last week and there was little left to the semester beyond their report cards, which they would get at the end of the day. The last week of school was filled with classes watching movies and kids hanging out as teachers loitered around, waiting for the end of the school day. It reminded Duo of the last week of his middle school education. He hadn�t minded the movies back then, since he never got to see them in his own time unless Wes wanted to watch one, but when it came to mingling with his classmates, he had just sat at his desk in the corner of the classroom, watching robins out of the windows, horribly lonely watching his classmates laugh with their friends, but also praying that the end of the day would never come so he wouldn�t have to go home.

For once, he was one of those classmates, laughing and chatting with his friends, but he didn�t feel strange about it. These were his friends and they made him feel like he belonged, even when he didn�t. But, his friends didn�t belong here, either, and that was just fine. Gym, for once, was bearable. Even the gym teachers had completely given up on trying to hold on to any semblance of order over their students. A lot of their teachers had seemed to actually disappear, leaving the teenagers to run around and do whatever they felt like. Most of their gym classmates had migrated outside, since it was so nice out, and they would have the track field to themselves, but Duo and his friends had decided to stay inside where it was cooler and play a leisurely game of badminton. It was nice, being able to play with just the five of them, no competition, no screaming team mates, no pressure to do anything. They just volleyed the birdie back and forth as they talked about how they would spend their summer.

Trowa and Quatre informed them that they wanted to go on a date Friday. It had been so long since the two of them had just gone out and had dinner together and Wufei had to help his mother weed her garden and plant the spring and summer flowers before he could do anything. Duo didn�t mind it. It would have been nice to be able to spend his first week of real summer with all his friends, but this meant that he and Heero could do something by themselves and that excited him. It was foolish, he thought, for something so tiny to make him feel so good. It just reminded him of why he had been so wary of love his entire life, but he allowed himself to indulge in it now. Even if nothing came from his crush on Heero, it was still nice to know that he could fall in love. After all the things he had gone through in his life, being alienated from people because he was homeless, and what Wes had put him through, Duo had struggled to believe in concepts like romance.

He had had sex too many times to believe that there was something sweet about the act and even before then, he had always believed that love was just a pretty word for fucking, that people only married when a girl got knocked up and because girls were weird and liked to believe in silly notions like love at first sight. He still didn�t believe in love at first sight. How could you love someone when the only thing that you could fall in love with was their looks? Heero was gorgeous, but he had only started to fall in love with him when he had realized how kind he was, even though that was early on in their friendship. But when he had met Shi and the others he had started to wonder if maybe those silly things were real and he had just lived such a cold and detached life, he had never experienced them for himself.

It was hard to form normal connections like girlfriends, boyfriends, or lovers, let alone husbands or wives, when you were struggling just to survive. The stress, bitterness, and selfishness that came with that kind of life just made it too hard to have a healthy relationship of that kind. To his knowledge, Shi, Solo, and Amaaya didn�t, or had never had, a relationship like that, but just watching Alex and Aluxiel together and hearing Hi talk about his late wife, he wanted to believe in love. He wanted to believe that even a miserable person like himself could smile like how Alex and Aluxiel did, that he could still cry over the death of someone like Hi did over his wife, even though she had died many years ago. He had always thought that love must be wonderful and painful at the same time, and now that he was, he knew that was true, but it was just a relief to know that he still had enough humanity left in him that he could feel something like love, something that was so human, it was universal.

He could say that he and Heero had gotten over their problems surrounding their friendship, but it wasn�t that simple. They were getting back to the way that they had been, that was true, but Duo still felt guilt, still felt sick inside at the thought that Heero had� had seen him like that. He thought that he would always feel those things when he thought about that nightmarish couple of days, but he was trying hard not to let it bring him down again. Heero had given him the surety to move on from that guilt, but he would always feel it. It was ironic, it was that love for Heero that made that guilt so powerful, but it was also that love that had forced him to try to fix their relationship.

Duo shook himself out of his gaze as Trowa volleyed the birdie at him and he hit it back to the other side of the net. It was too peaceful of a day for him to be plagued by such thoughts. He had already decided that he would channel all his anger at himself at Chris, but it still prickled his heart at moments, how close he had come to losing the person he loved the most. As useless as this week was, it was kind of nice, too, to be able to do things like this with his friend without having to worry about school work and such things. Even Zechs had disappeared to hang outside with whoever he was friends with, or whoever he just spent time with, to smoke. Duo�s nose crinkled in disgust at the mere thought of it, even though he was glad that the bully wasn�t bothering him.

Smoking was a huge problem nowadays, so not only was the tax incredibly expensive, but, according to Duo�s history book, in the last thirty years, the age for smoking had rose from 18 to 21. This did little to deter teenagers like Zechs from finding ways of buying cigarettes, though. It was illegal to smoke on school property anyway, but Duo knew that Zechs was out back somewhere, with a group of other smokers, and he also knew that no teacher would bother trying to bust them. The teachers and staff, except for Mr. Khushrenada, were too busy enjoying their own time away from strict teaching to care about a bunch of kids breaking school rules. Even if they did, what would be the point of suspending a kid when summer break was just days away? Chris, Zechs, and Wes smoked so much, he could always smell it on their clothes, so he had quickly found the vice to be repulsive, just like how he felt about alcohol. At least he would never have to worry about becoming an addict.

The day passed quicker than it usually did and sooner than Duo had expected, Wufei, Heero, and Trowa were in their last class together when an announcement came over the loud speaker that all students had to go to their homeroom class. Only Heero had the same homeroom as Duo, so they headed that way together. By the time that he found himself sitting down at his desk in Une�s classroom, Duo felt like he was a nervous wreck. He suddenly wondered what would happen to him if he did fail? He didn�t think that would happen to him, but what if? He couldn�t stop going over that what if. He would get kicked out of school, after all of his hard work, after all of his attempts at being a good student, but would happen after that? He wouldn�t be able to graduate college, and the pain he felt in his heart at that thought was strange. He had always believed he would never go to college, he would never have the grades, the connections, and especially not the money to go, so why was the thought that he wouldn�t be able to so painful?

That was the danger in what Name had given him, Duo thought. All those things that he had thought he would never get to do, all those things he had given up on were suddenly real. He and Name had talked briefly about him going to college and what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, and in those short conversations, somehow, he had believed he would get that chance. He didn�t have a clue what he wanted to do with his life, but the thought he might actually have a choice, that he had fucking options was overwhelming to him. Heero noticed Duo fidgeting nervously in his seat and smiled at him, which helped to calm him. Their desks were across from each other and Heero wished that he had the courage to reach over and hold Duo�s hand, if Duo really needed him to, he would in a heart beat, but he knew that it would just embarrass the both of them. Une walked in the room and, amazingly, the chattering, screaming, laughing throng of students fell dead quiet. Heero smirked to himself at the thought that Mrs. Khushrenada and his mother should meet, he was sure that they would hit it off. Before coming here, he had never met a teacher that had that ability, to be kind, but stern at the same time and who could easily grab the attention of over a dozen hyper teenagers.

�I want to inform you all,� Une began, putting the stack of report cards she had walked in with on her desk, �That for the most part, I�m proud of your work and progress over this year.�

Heero was shocked when her brown eyes fell on him instead of Duo, unable to understand the purpose of her gaze.

�I know I have a reputation as being a hard teacher,� she said with an amused smirk, �And I also know that it is well deserved. Many of you, I�m sure, aren�t giving any kind of thought towards your graduation and acceptance into college, if you wish to go to one. After all, that is still three years away for you freshman, but you will find that when you do go, if you can pass my classes, you will go a long way. That being said, I�m sure all of you are ready for summer break after a year of hard work. All of you know that you have no homework for the rest of this week, so if you wish to not come to school, that is your choice and you won�t be penalized for it. Once you receive your report card, you can leave for the day, so, let�s get on with it.�

As their teacher started to call out last names in alphabetical order, Heero rested his head on his crossed arms on his desk. Sometimes, being a Yuy sucked. At least Quatre was in the same boat as him. He was sure that Trowa and Wufei would wait for them, but it would have been nice to have a B or C last name like them so they could leave early. Heero looked over at Duo when Une got to the K and L�s, his best friend listening carefully for his last name. He wished that there was some way for Duo to change his last name. He was sure that the American didn�t like being tied to Wes like that, but Duo didn�t even have social security or a birth certificate, so changing his name without it looking suspicious would be difficult. What he couldn�t understand was that Duo had never asked his mother about trying to change it or even seemed bothered when someone called him Maxwell.

�Lackenzie�� Une droned on, handing out the envelopes as each student raced up to her desk, �Masckell� McAddams��

Duo sat up straighter as the teacher passed over his name and continued down the list. He looked over at Heero, looking shocked and confused by this turn of events. Heero wanted to smile at him, wanted to assure him that things were ok, but he was just as excused. Little by little, the classroom emptied until it was only himself and Heero. Duo had to focus on his breathing to keep on hyperventilating. Why was this happening to him? Was he really going to get kicked out of school? Was that what it was about? Heero collected his report card, but didn�t even bother to open it, feeling too sick inside as Duo hesitantly approached Une.

�Mrs. Khushrenada� I don�t understand,� the longhaired boy said in a small voice, �Did I do something wrong?�

Heero could almost imagine the kind of tap dance that Duo�s nerves were doing as he stood in front of the teacher, as white as a ghost. Une sighed heavily, somehow managing the noise to sound regretful.

�Duo, I�m so sorry,� she apologized, �But you need to see Mr. Khushrenada about this. I don�t know anything about it, but he said that there was a problem with your grades.�

�P-problem?� Duo stuttered, trying to go over every grade and every action he had made that semester.

�I�m sure it�s nothing,� Une tried to assure him, but even to her ears it fell flat, �Treize will tell you what the problem is.�

Duo looked away from her and at the floor, his expression and posture so like how he had looked when Heero had first met him, despondent and looking like he might start trembling, that the blue-eyed boy hurt for him.

�Thank you,� Duo murmured to Une briefly, then started to shuffle out.

�Duo,� Une called to him, making him turn around to look at her again, �I know it�s little consolation right now, but I gave you an A+.�

Une�s comforting smile was almost enough to make Duo feel better about this screwed up situation.

�What� really?� he asked in amazement, �Thank you so much-,�

�Don�t thank me,� the longhaired woman scoffed, though she continued to smile, �That was just the number that I got when I added up all your grades. You earned it all on your own. I�m sure you�re other teachers feel the same way. So don�t worry, ok?�

�Not Williams,� Heero thought bitterly.

Both Heero and Duo watched with wide eyes as Une walked over to Duo and briefly put her hand on his head in an affectionate gesture.

�I mean it,� she said softly, �Don�t you worry about this. No matter what has happened, you enjoy your summer, ok?�

Duo finally found the ability to smile at her and nodded.

�I know I will,� he said with a little more spirit.

That was right, even if he failed, even if he flunked out of school, he still had Name. He still had Heero. He still had a home. Even if he failed� he still had the things that were the most important to him, so why did he feel so sick inside as he walked out of the classroom? Why did this had to happen? He had tried so hard� how could he have failed? But why else would Treize want to speak to him?

�I�m sorry,� he murmured to Heero as they walked down the empty hallway together, �I�m sure that Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are waiting by your car��

He was such a nuisance. He couldn�t even pass four stupid classes and now he was inconveniencing Heero again�

�I�m coming with you,� Heero said passionately.

Duo stopped to stare at him for a moment. What he had done in his stupid, pitiful life to deserve a friend like him? A friend that didn�t just pretend that he wasn�t a bother, but truly believed it? A friend that always stood by him, because they needed each other? His love for Heero flared in his chest and almost brought him to tears. He felt like he didn�t deserve this emotion, this incredible feeling of joy and love in his heart, but it was so real, attached to him like some kind of alien parasite that had no intention of letting him go. Heero reached out, gave his hand a little squeeze, and just as quickly let go, but it made Duo�s heart flare again.

�You did fine,� Heero said and the conviction in his voice was enough to make Duo believe his words, �You�ve gotten good grades and you�re a hard worker. Une�s right, whatever happened, whatever the problem is, it isn�t your fault. I�m sure of it,� he smiled at Duo, �Knowing you, you probably aced all your classes. I mean, did you get a single bad grade?�

Duo thought about and felt a strange kind of reluctant relief.

�Well� no, not that I can think of. I almost got a C- in gym when we had to take that fitness test in gym because I couldn�t finish the stamina test because I felt so faint from all those laps�� he mentioned.

Heero remembered that day. Every semester, each gym class was expected to pass a fitness test. He had no idea why it was important, but they had to perform all kinds of physical tests, including running a three mile trek on the track before the class ended. Duo was incredible when it came to speed, but not so much when it came to stamina. Maybe he had when he was a kid, but after his stay in the hospital, he had trouble exerting that much effort for that length of time and ended up sitting on the grass after only one and half miles, panting and on the verge of fainting.

�But Ms. Schbeiker gave you a passing grade anyway,� Heero pointed out, �And Treize agreed, considering your health issues.�

�I can�t think of anything else,� Duo admitted, �I passed all of those big History tests, too.�

Heero snorted. He had always been good at subjects like math, science, and history, having a great memory and analytical mind, but even he had struggled through some of those tests and he knew how late Duo had stayed up each night studying that huge textbook they had been given.

�See?� he said, �You have nothing to worry about.�

They walked the rest of the way to the principal�s office in silence, Duo feeling a little bit better, but still incredibly anxious. Treize�s secretary just smiled at them and ushered them into the office. Duo felt a great relief that she wasn�t insisting that Heero wait outside. He knew that he was being a baby, but he always felt more confident when Heero was near him. Treize had clearly been waiting for Duo, not even sitting at his desk and closed the door behind them. Duo knew that it was a nice show of privacy, but it just made him feel like he was going to get scolded. Heero nodded at Treize, glad that he wasn�t going to kick him out. He had butted heads with the principal when he had first moved here, but he had grown to respect the man.

It wasn�t just the fact that he had gone out of his way to help Duo where few other adults had, the man just demanded respect. He wasn�t like the principals he had had in the past who only cared about the glory of having a Yuy at their school and had let him get away with everything. Treize was like Duo in that respect, he didn�t care who Heero was, he was just a student to him and treated him as such. It was the kind of behavior that he had needed, though he would never admit that to the man. Even now, Treize was standing with them, not sitting behind his desk, showing how he wasn�t condescending with his students, which was a comfort.

�Heero,� Treize began, �You�re only here because I know that Duo trusts you.�

Heero nodded in agreement, not feeling offended by the remark. He wasn�t really supposed to be there at all, but Duo wanted him there, so he was staying, he was just glad that Treize understood that. Treize turned to Duo and sighed. The sigh was so much like his wife�s had been that Heero almost burst out laughing, but that would have been inappropriate. He hadn�t inherited his mother�s good graces, but he wasn�t completely rude.

�I�m sorry about all this,� Treize apologized, �I know you�re eager to see your grades.�

�Why didn�t you tell me about this before?� Duo asked, almost feeling betrayed, �You knew I wasn�t getting my report card today, so why didn�t you tell me when I got here this morning?�

�Because,� Treize said with a slight smile, �I couldn�t talk to you like this until the end of the day. If I had mentioned it to you, knowing you like I do, you would have only been a nervous wreck the entire day.�

Heero did smirk at that. Clearly, the principal knew his Duo well. That thought made Heero�s blood freeze. �His Duo�? He couldn�t remember a time when he had ever referred to Duo as his. When the hell had that happened? It was just such a strange, alien thought, it surprised him and embarrassed him, even though he hadn�t voiced it out loud. Thankfully. If he had, he would have died from shame. Duo didn�t need him to be thinking things like that. He already had one possessive stalker and Heero, personally, knew what that felt like. He didn�t need a second one, but sometimes he just felt so possessive of Duo, so incredibly protective that he wanted to bundle him up in blankets and hide him from the rest of the world so he would never be hurt again. How could he possibly make sense or stop thoughts like that when they seemed so strong? At the same time that he wanted to protect him, he felt so proud of him. It felt pointless to try to deny how the other boy made him feel.

�Ok,� Duo admitted with a deep blush that both Heero and Treize thought was adorable, �But why didn�t I get my report card.�

�There seems to be a slight inconsistency with some of your final grades,� Treize told him, �I�ve been trying to find the source of it.�

�I didn�t plagiarize!� Duo suddenly blurted out.

That was the only thing that he could think of at that moment, that Treize was accusing him of cheating or getting false grades or something. That was what it sounded like to him. To his astonishment, Treize laughed.

�Oh, I don�t think that!� he assured him, �Duo, please don�t think that this is your fault, because it isn�t, and I�m certainly not accusing you of falsifying your grades.�

�But it�s my grades, if the inconsistency isn�t my fault, whose could it be?� Duo questioned.

�Actually, it�s the fault of one of your teachers,� Treize said.

Heero and Duo stared at him.

�You see,� Treize explained, �All teachers have to submit warning grades for the first and last half of the semester. That way, if a student if failing, they can try to pull their grade up in time. You received no warning grades for either semester, which tells me that you should have gotten good grades. However, when one of your teachers submitted your final grade, it was so poor that it didn�t make sense to me. Usually, we take teachers on their word, but in this case, I felt that further investigation was in order,� Treize put a comforting hand on Duo�s shoulder, �I�m looking into it personally, and I promise you�ll have your report card on Friday.�

�But what if it isn�t their fault? What if I really got a bad grade?� Duo murmured, panicked at the thought that he might fail, both himself and his family.

�You didn�t,� Treize tried to assure him, �And even if you did, you won�t be expelled for it.�

Duo stared up at him in shock.

�I won�t?! But� you said�� he sputtered, torn between shock and excitement.

�I told you that the conditions for your return to this school was reduced absences and proof that you would try your best at your school work. You�ve done both of those things. In fact,� Treize said with a sly smile, �The rest of your classes were A�s. Even if you fail this one class, which I don�t think you will, you�ll be allowed to come back next year.�

Heero thought that he could almost see light shinning off his friend at that bit of news and he felt that biting pride again.

�I got A�s?� Duo was nearly gaping.

Treize chuckled.

�Yes. So, in a way, this last grade doesn�t even matter when it comes to next semester,� he said.

Duo looked down at the ground.

�But� but it matters to me�� he whispered.

He should feel happy about this, and he did, but there was a bitterness about it. This one grade didn�t matter, it shouldn�t matter, but it did. It was the principal of getting what you deserved and knowing you earned it. He didn�t want to get more or less than that. He had been slighted his entire life, people walking all over him because they knew that they could. So someone had stolen something from him, or had beaten him, or had made him feel like shit, what was he going to do about it? People were always treating him that way, like they could treat him as less than human, just because they knew that they could get away with it. If this grade was on purpose, it was just one more slight to him. But he was so fucking sick of it. He didn�t want to be walked all over for the rest of his life. He didn�t want to be that kind of person.

�You don�t need to prove anything to anyone but yourself,� Treize said in agreement, �I understand that. I promise I�ll get to the bottom of this.�

Treize�s hand slipped from Duo�s shoulder and Duo could feel Heero press his fingers against his arm. It was subtle, but comforting. And suddenly, that bitterness didn�t matter anymore. He smiled genuinely at Treize.

�Thank you, sir,� he shook his principal�s hand, �Even if you can�t figure out what happened, thank you for trying.�

�You don�t have to thank me for that, Duo,� Treize said kindly, �I�m just doing my job, no more than that. Some adults are too lazy to do that, but when we do, it�s nothing extraordinary. Just come by Friday and I�ll give it to you myself.�

�Thank you,� Heero echoed Duo�s sentiment and hurried Duo out of the office, both boys wearing relieved smiles.

Neither of them noticed that the person who walked past them and into the office was Une, too much in a rush to leave school. Une closed the door behind her and flashed her husband a worried look.

�How did he take it?� she asked.

�Better than I expected him to, considering the boy is like a skittish squirrel most of the time,� Treize said dryly.

Une promptly hit him on the arm, which just made him laugh. He was well used to his wife�s well-spirited violence.

�He�s not like that,� she protested.

�Not so much anymore,� he agreed, �A good home may be something so basic, we barely think about it, but it can do wonders for boys like Duo. Can you understand why I don�t want a child right now? I know we have a stable life and paychecks and you�re passionate about it, but after meeting Duo, can you honestly still say a baby is what we should have?�

Une�s expression turned so somber, Treize had to hug her tightly to keep from seeing the tears in her eyes. She had always hated it when he saw her cry since they had met in their own high school. She couldn�t stand any form of weakness from herself, but he loved that quality in her, that strength and pride. He ran his hand through the long, straight brown hair that he loved so much.

�Are you saying that you think our child would turn out like Duo?� she asked, �You think that we would screw up that much? We would never be like that!�

�Duo had parents once,� Treize pointed out, �They screwed up and let him down. No parent knows what the future of their child will be, or if they are the one who messed them up. But that�s not what I�m saying. There are so many children out there without parents, how can we say that we have the right to have our own baby, when there are so many children that need parents? I�m not ready to have a child, to have that responsibility on my shoulders. These kids can be so cruel and they can be so kind. We were like that, too. Being around Duo, it makes me realize that people underestimate the responsibility they have to a child. If they get it wrong, you get a boy like Duo, who is so awkward, it hurts to talk to him sometimes. Are you really ready for that kind of responsibility? Its an easy thing to say that we should have a child, but we owe it to that child to be ready to raise it, not just because its something we want.�

Une buried her head in her husband�s chest.

�I just� I want a piece of us as a part of our family. Is that so wrong?� she asked, her voice tight with misery, misery that she would never show anyone but her husband.

Maybe they really did belong together because neither of them ever let their emotions show unless it was just the two of them. But they were both very private people. It made her wonder, if they ever did have a baby, a topic that had been haunting their marriage for the last three years now, if he or she would have that same trait.

�No, love,� Treize kissed the top of her head, �It isn�t wrong to want that, to want something to love, but I�m not ready. One day, I know I will be, but we�re both young. There�s no reason to rush into a big decision like this, is there? We�re healthy and in a year or two, we�ll be older and wiser.�

Une wiped away her tears and hesitantly nodded in agreement.

�In the meantime,� Treize teased her, �we can always practice on Duo.�

Une hit him again.
　

End Part 1
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The Road to Kindness