Crossing Paths

"Duo, Duo, slow down!" Heero chuckled as Duo pushed him into the bunk

of his ship and climbed on top.

Duo busily undid the shirt of Heero's Preventer shirt, grinning widely

as he said, "Been too long. I want you... now."

Heero looked at his watch playfully. "Nine hours? I suppose that is too

long." He reached up and took hold of Duo's face with both hands,

pulling him down for a deep kiss, but Duo didn't want to hold still

for it. He pulled back and opened Heero's shirt, hands sliding inside.

Heero frowned. "Duo? Are you all right?"

Duo laughed as he tweaked Heero's nipples. "Hell, yes! Better than I've

felt in years."

Heero searched Duo's face. "You look... your skin isn't so pale and ...

I'm not sure what it is... You look more alive, more excited than I've

seen you look in some time."

"Let's take advantage of it," Duo urged in a sexy tone of voice and

began unzipping Heero's pants.

Heero checked his watch more seriously now. "Twenty minutes, love.

Sorry. I have a mission meeting."

"That's enough," Duo breathed against Heero's neck and reached to a

side table for the lube. He didn't hand it to Heero. "You know," he

said. "You always get to be on top. I think it's my turn."

Heero smirked. "You're always welcome to be on top, Duo," he chuckled

and cupped Duo's ass with his hands.

Duo was shook his head, determined. "No, on top, lover," he stressed.

Heero's hands tightened, kneaded, and then Duo was looking down into

his tense face. "I... I don't think..," Heero began

Duo frowned. "Are you going to tell me that Heero Yuy doesn't bottom?"

Heero frowned. There was a long silence and then he said, almost under

his breath, "All right."

Duo grinned again. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

The drugs were still running strong and Duo felt virile and able to

dominate Heero for the first time in their relationship. He growled,

nibbled, stroked, and then prepared his lover. Heero tried to stay

calm and compliant, but his face betrayed him. He was tensing and

almost fighting when Duo lifted his legs and took a position between them.

"So'kay, baby," Duo said softly and nibbled at Heero's lips. "I know

how to do this."

There was a stitch in Duo's chest. He ignored it. His lungs felt tight.

A buzz was starting in his ears.

"Duo," Heero said, his voice tight. His dark blue eyes looked out from

under his fall of chocolate hair, worried. "I... I don't know..."

"I do," Duo soothed. "Let me do this. Love you."

Heero took a steadying breath. "Love you," he returned and gritted his

teeth.

A pain bloomed in Duo's chest. He gasped. The pain sizzled down his arm

and he choked on a cry.

"Duo, what is it?!" Heero shouted but Duo couldn't see him through the

red haze of pain. He felt hands take hold of him and their positions

were suddenly reversed.

"N-No fair," Duo managed. "I-I almost had you."

Flat on his back, Duo suddenly couldn't breathe. He struggled and Heero

understood. He propped him up on pillows and the weight on his chest

eased. He heard Heero frantically calling emergency services.

"Duo?" Heero called. "Tell me what you're feeling?"

"Chest," Duo replied. "Hurts... arm... Heero?"

Heero gripped his hand hard.

He was in trouble. The pills were killing him, Duo knew. His body had

been too weak to even reach the recommended time limit. He had to

admit it to Heero that he had taken drugs. He briefly entertained the

thought that death might be better, but another wave of pain shook him

out of that thinking.

"Stupid," Duo managed as he pulled Heero's hand to his face. "I- I took

Red Hots. One dose. First time."

"Shit, Duo!" Heero exclaimed in anguish and he heard Heero talking to

emergency personnel in frantic tones. "Emergency dock and evac," he

finished.

Heero kissed Duo's hand. "I have to prep the ship and undock mine to

make room for emergency," he told Duo. "They're ready to treat you on

board before taking you to the station." His grip was painful, but not

as painful as Duo's chest. "Duo... why?"

"Didn't want to lose," Duo replied and then tried to stay alive until

help arrived.

"Duo?" The name was whispered again and again into Duo's ear. He tried

to concentrate on it, tried to allow it to bring him back to

consciousness, but it was hard. He drifted, fell into bad dreams, and

then was slowly, but surely, carried up on a tide of awareness.

"Duo?" A tired called softly, without much hope.

Duo blinked and then something tried to crush his right hand.

"Duo?!" The voice shouted, elated now.

"Ow," Duo whispered back, mouth dry as a desert. "Need hand back."

The crushing pressure on his hand eased and ... yes, it was Heero, Duo

decided, who said, "Sorry... are you really awake?"

"Yeah." Duo made a face. "Water."

A straw was put to Duo's lips and he sipped cool water. He tried to

focus his eyes while he drank. First the straw, then the rim of the

cup, and then... a pair of dark blue eyes. Duo smiled and his dry lips

stretched painfully.

"How do you feel?" Heero asked tenderly and brushed strands of hair

from Duo's forehead.

"Okay," Duo replied, but then amended, "Tired... fuzzy... but alive.

Alive is good. Good enough for you to go ahead and yell at me."

Heero scowled, but it lacked strength "Duo...can you tell me what

happened?"

"Dunno," Duo sighed miserably. He picked at his blankets while he took

in his surroundings. He was in a hospital room, he decided. Monitors

were tracking his heart rate and condition, and wires and IVs were

attached to his arms.

Heero's silence brought Duo's attention back to him. His lover was

looking... disappointed and hurt. Duo suddenly knew that it wasn't his

reaction to the drugs that Heero was asking about, but his lack of

trust and his willingness to do something stupid and illegal because

of it.

Duo felt a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with his heart and

everything to do with his love for Heero. It was so hard to let the

man in to the darker side of himself. Everything had happened because

of that reluctance.

"Heero," Duo took another long drink of water to steady himself and

then stared hard at his hands, twisted in the blankets, as he

confessed, "I... I was afraid of failing."

Heero sighed, shifted so that he was facing Duo as much as he could

manage, and then said, "Why can't you understand that I am here for

you, to help you? Why do you have to hide from me?"

"Heero.... You're everything I'm not," Duo confessed. "It's hard...

just trying to be good enough."

Heero leaned down so that both of his hands were resting on either side

of Duo. Heero's face was very close to his own, but Duo still refused

to look up."When are you going to stop thinking that way?"

"When it isn't true!" Duo snapped back and then bit his bottom lip

hard. He struggled for control, feeling ready to collapse again.

"Can't we... not argue now? I did just about have heart failure..."

"You did, actually," Heero bit back. "You died for fifteen seconds

before the medics were able to put you on a machine."

Duo felt a chill. His hand left off torturing the blankets and pressed

flat against the middle of his chest. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Heero confirmed. "They stabilized you and injected nanobots to

repair the damage, you'll be fine.... but that doesn't change the fact

that you lied to me, broke the law, and refused to let me know that

you were having trouble. I can't live like this, Duo. I can't be with

you if I can't trust you.... if you can't trust me."

Duo shivered. "What..." It came out as a hoarse whisper. He cleared his

throat, stunned. "Are you," he tried again, "Are you leaving me?"

Heero glared."I think I would die if I did," he confessed, "but this is

a kind of death, too, only slower."

Time to come clean, Duo knew, because, above all else; work, pride, and

his need to succeed, was his love for Heero.

"It's hard," Duo told him.

"I know," Heero replied. He backed up and stood quietly by Duo's bed,

instinctively knowing that Duo needed that space.

"You have to know," Duo began, "I... when I look in the mirror, I see a

pathetic shell of what I used to be. No matter how many weights I

lift, or therapies I force my body through, I'm not going to be that

again. I don't..." Duo felt weak and too vulnerable. He didn't want to

go on, but he forced himself to. "I don't see why you want me. When I

think about it, I wonder if you're not some kind of pervert. I mean,

if you were normal you'd want someone who could at least... look like

he belonged with you.... So," he hurried on, afraid what Heero would

say, "What have I got if I don't have a body any sane person would

want? I should at least have some success, some brains, and some

ability to take care of myself. But, I couldn't even do that. I knew I

was screwing it up. I knew I needed to not fail, so... I took the Red

Hot, just one... To get me through a tough spot."

"Duo," Heero finally said and clasped Duo's hand in his. Duo dared to

look in his eyes and saw sympathy and understanding there. "The

solution wasn't Red Hots... I was." Duo blinked at him, confused.

Heero sighed and continued, "Several of your clients traced you to

medical. They told me that they were afraid of harassment by your

competitors and that you had been protecting them. Duo, I only had to

make a phone call to Preventers to have the men harassing your clients

arrested. I could have helped you with your runs, helped you pick

good, reliable men to be your employees, and , yes, given you credits

to help pay for them. You only had to ask. I wouldn't have judged

you... I would have felt loved, included, needed... important to you."

He caressed Duo's cheek and leaned close as he said intensely, "When

will you understand that I want you? That I think you are handsome and

desirable? I-I am not a freak for thinking it. Look in my eyes. See

yourself in them. See what I see."

Duo lifted a weak and shaking arm and draped it behind Heero's neck. He

pulled him in for a kiss and then pushed his forehead against Heero's.

"I don't think everyone else sees me the way you do," he grumbled.

"Who else matters?" Heero wondered with a smirk. "Unless you are

planning on being with other men?"

"Hard enough handling you," Duo sighed. He went serious and breathed,

"Sorry for everything, Heero."

Heero replied, just as serious, "I don't need apologies."

Duo knew what he did need. He swallowed hard and then asked, "Heero

Yuy... lover... as soon as I get out of this bed... mind helping me

with my business?"

"I don't mind at all," Heero said with a smile and Duo drew him back in

for another, grateful kiss.