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Atavism	By : ctsama Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 9192 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball Super, Resurrection 'F', or Battle of Gods or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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An Element of Blank

“It’s time to introduce you to some others. This is Goten’s brother Gohan, my mate’s firstborn. Gohan, Cabba from Universe 6.”

Gohan’s disappointment at having to share Vegeta was destroyed by finding out who he was meeting. “Man, Saiyans from another universe… I still can’t believe this is real! What do you think of us so far? Are we like your people?”

Cabba hesitated. He felt… almost threatened by Gohan, but the gut reaction made no sense. He’d met almost all of Vegeta and Goku’s other children, be they fully or partly Saiyan and none of them had given him the feeling of danger the way this one did. Though he seemed affable, even warm Cabba couldn’t shake the feeling. It wasn’t easy being a stranger in a strange land, but Vegeta had yet to lead him astray and the older warrior didn’t seem bothered by Gohan so he returned the friendly greeting.

“I’m very pleased to meet you Gohan,” Cabba bowed. “We have much in common but there are many, many differences. But I firmly believe in Vegeta and Goku. Whatever I can do to bring our peoples together, I’ll do!”

Gohan smiled at the boy’s eager sincerity. But something bothered him. *Just ‘Vegeta?’ No title, or titles? Why didn’t you tell Cabba who you are?*

//Kakarot can pull it off but I don’t exactly scream God of Destruction right now, Gohan.//

Gohan almost laughed at the sheer tonnage of sarcasm packed into that one thought. *Not what I meant.*

//You know damned well I can’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know yet anyway and I’ll thank you to keep your mouth shut.//

*...I will. I promise.*

There was a fair bit of contrition in the message and Vegeta realized he’d answered with more anger than Gohan deserved. It bothered him in the same way it did when he inadvertently hurt the people he gave a damn about and he checked himself before responding. //I can’t tell him before I tell your father, and I haven’t done that yet. I will do it, I just don’t think now is a good time for that conversation. Things are complicated enough right now.//

“I’m looking forward to these lessons,” Cabba continued, flawlessly polite as always. “Vegeta says I’m to train with you-”

“No, I brought you here to train but not with him. You’re not ready for that yet, not by a long shot,” Vegeta said with a smirk. “I’m working with Gohan. You’ll be training with-”

Piccolo appeared before he could finish, quickly dropping off two little ones in tow that weren’t his usuals. Cabba knew without being told they belonged to Goku and Vegeta. Goku’s features were dominant, though softened, and Vegeta’s parentage showed only through their narrow eyes and nose.

“You’re late.”

Piccolo gave a mocking salute. “And you’re an ass. If you hadn’t taken so damned long to get here I would have been on time. Any other errands I can run for you, oh Great Lord Vegeta?”

“If you didn’t want to be my errand boy you should have failed at picking up Transmission like everyone else so far. Now get out of here, Greenie.”

Cabba smothered the laugh that wanted to come out. Vegeta’s cranky nature and sometimes downright abusive language had taken him aback at first, but as he began to notice that no one close to him was ever offended by it he began to see through his behavior. Even now as Piccolo began to vanish from sight he and Vegeta were smiling at each other.

Shēng grinned and Húlu giggled. “So is that him, Papa? He’s shorter than you!”

“Shut it, pipsqueak!” Vegeta fired back, setting off another peal of giggles from Húlu which didn’t stop even when her brother punched her in the arm for ‘being mean to Papa again.’ Cabba watched the exchange with a stunned look while Vegeta sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’d say these two brats are mine but they have Kakarot’s bad manners. Shēng and Húlu. You’ll be training with them.”

“Th- There must be some mistake!” Cabba stammered, his smile disappearing. He was a trained, battle-tested warrior, one of the best! How… why was he to train with two so young and untried?

“Don’t let their age fool you. They have power but no experience. You have experience, but your raw strength desperately needs improvement.”

Cabba looked unconvinced and Vegeta’s pride in his children couldn’t be missed. A demonstration, then. “Shēng. Come give Cabba a proper greeting.”

“Sure thing, Papa!”

Before Cabba could question Vegeta’s smug tone or Shēng’s eagerness the excited child - child - stepped toward him and shifted almost effortlessly into the form he’d only just learned. He was still gaping as the boy lashed out…

And suddenly he found himself sailing through the air.

It took him a few moments to halt his momentum and regain his composure.

“Okay,” he said to himself, looking down at the scattered trees on the rolling hills… and the two proud - now both yellow-haired - children. Fighting against such strong opponents would definitely give him a boost in strength and toughness, and he knew he could teach them a thing or two. “Maybe Vegeta knows what he’s doing, after all.”

On the ground Vegeta addressed his eager children with a smirk. “Our guest needs a workout. What are you waiting for? Go give him one.”

The children gleefully launched themselves into the air after a wide-eyed Cabba and Gohan chuckled. “They’re going to wipe the floor with him.”

Cabba managed to throw himself into his own Super Saiyan form before they slammed into him and Vegeta huffed. “Don’t count Cabba out. He’s an incredible fighter and his speed is no joke. They’ve got to be able to land a hit to beat him.” Gohan couldn’t hide his surprise; Vegeta’s praise didn’t come easily. “Besides, you’ve got plenty to worry about. Let’s see how that ki containment holds up under pressure,” Vegeta smiled, powering up.

Gohan followed suit in excitement. “I think I’ll surprise you. Let’s do it!”

___________________________________________________________________________________
“You’re getting better. None of your ki is leaking out anymore when we fight. Keep it up and it won’t be long now.” Vegeta panted breathlessly, sitting in the soft grasses. Gohan was in just as bad a shape, doubled over with his chest heaving. A wry smile crossed Vegeta’s lips. As much as Goku hated what he was doing this kind of training wouldn’t have been possible without him, even after the roughness of the last few nights. Vegeta had never had anywhere near this amount of energy with any previous pregnancy.

His praise made Gohan smile. “I’ve been practicing a lot. I want to have this down as soon as possible.”

“What’s the hurry?”

Gohan laughed. “You are going to Universe 6, aren’t you? You can’t not.”

“Heh. Good guess.”

“‘Guess’ nothing. Anyway, that last month of the pregnancy is really rough, right? You and Dad will be focused on that. I want to be able to help handle any overflow. You know, be Johnny-on-the-spot for you when and where you need.”

“Hn,” Vegeta grunted. He hadn’t missed Cabba’s reaction to him; that could end up being useful. It was a good idea - assuming that Goku could handle it before then. “And your woman accepts this?”

“She says I’m more Saiyan now than human, and she thinks Pan will be as well. She wants me to get to know these others for both our sakes… and report back of course. Just in case Pan brings one of them home one day looking for our approval!”

“Yeah, that sounds like her. All right then, I’ll count on your participation.”

“Hey, um… If you end up delivering on Sadla, Dende will be too far away to help you if something goes wrong, and giving birth to the girls almost killed you. Do you know what went wrong? Was it because they were partly human?”

Vegeta just shook his head. “Nope. Skip this one. Trust me.”

That caught Gohan’s attention. He flopped down in the grass next to Vegeta before continuing. “I trust you. But I don’t want you to try and protect me, remember? I still want to know.”

“On your head then,” Vegeta sighed. “I was already weak when you attacked me, and you did a lot of damage to my body. Dende said I wasn’t strong enough to heal from it all, and things probably didn’t develop the way they were supposed to because of that. And that time you came after my mind, when the twins shut you down for the first time I was at the top of the stairs when you hit me and on the floor at the bottom when they threw you out of my head. Either one of those things or both…” Vegeta ended in a shrug. “I bled out.”

He finally looked up, seeing the stricken look on Gohan’s face. A wry smile twisted his lips. “Yeah. Soak that in. I told you to skip it.”

“I…” Gohan shook his head, swallowed hard. “I needed to know.”

Vegeta had to turn away from the lost look on his face - so much like his father’s - to watch Cabba’s progress against the twins, letting Gohan have a minute to assimilate the new information. As expected all three of them were adapting to each other’s fighting styles, and they were obviously having a fine time. Húlu and Shēng must have noticed the end of his fight with Gohan, ending their own with their signature attack: a two-on-one hug-tackle-tickle combo. Vegeta chuckled, listening to Cabba’s helpless laughter and remembering how many of their own training sessions had ended in the same way.

He’d never even known he was ticklish before his own children had proven that he was.

Vegeta startled to feel Gohan’s hand on his gloved one. The boy had always been touchy-feely and he reined it in for the most part around Vegeta, though fleeting physical contact between them increased as they got more comfortable around each other. At first he’d used it as an exercise in staying calm, but after the third or fourth time it happened Vegeta found that it no longer caused him alarm.

This didn’t feel like one of those times though, it was something more deliberate. Deliberate… and confusing.

“What are you doing?” he asked without turning.

“Sorry. It was either this or hug you and start crying. And that’s just embarrassing,” Gohan said with a slightly desperate laugh.

Vegeta didn’t move to grasp Gohan’s hand, nor did he move away from the contact. “You could just ask me, you know.”

There it was, more in the open than they usually acknowledged. Gohan hadn’t once asked forgiveness for his actions.

“I’m… not ready for that. Not yet.”

“Now where have I heard that before?” Vegeta asked quietly under his breath.

“... What?”

“Nothing, forget it.”

Vegeta’s humorless smile worried him, but he didn’t push to find out what was behind it… yet.

Gohan wasn’t ready to ask forgiveness, and wouldn’t be until he could at least begin the road to healing with the other man he’d wronged in all this: his own father. He knew it was going to be a while until Goku was ready to see him but he was hoping he’d have come around by now.

Goku’s continual refusal to see him hurt, and hurt badly, especially now that he knew Goku had it in him to be a more attentive father than the one he himself had known. He knew they both needed each other to heal, but the one time he’d tried to force the issue - going over to Capsule Corp. when he knew Goku would be there as well - his father had beat a hasty retreat without a word as soon as he’d walked into the room.

Though he knew what the answer would be, he couldn’t help asking. “Does Dad know how well the training is going? Has he asked about me?”

Vegeta’s silence wasn’t encouraging, and Gohan could tell he didn’t know what to say. “That good, huh?” he said shakily.

“He’s… still having trouble.” Gohan sighed and Vegeta didn’t need a bond with him to feel his disappointment.

“How much longer can he keep this up?” Gohan mumbled. “You and me… this started off to help him, but it seems to just be making things worse.”

Vegeta’s lips pressed into a tight line for a moment. “Something will give, and soon. It has to.”

Though it felt like yet another rejection from his father Gohan at least understood this one. He thought back to something Krillin had told him so long ago during their trip to Namek, that asking for Vegeta’s life was the only truly selfish decision he’d ever known Goku to make.

‘And I tried to force Vegeta away from him. No wonder he probably hates me.’

Vegeta didn’t know what to say to make Gohan feel better so he just changed the subject. “Are you able to take Cabba home with you tonight? Videl will love him, he’s impeccably polite and helps with cleaning. Just bring him here with you tomorrow morning.”

“Sure,” Gohan agreed easily. But the request was puzzling; Vegeta very, very rarely asked him for anything. “Is everything okay?”

He frowned again when Vegeta opened his mouth and nothing came out for a moment. “Yeah, I just have an early meeting. I don’t want to disturb Cabba, he’s going to need some rest.”

It was a lie, obvious to one who knew him so well. “Vegeta,” he softly. “I know something is wrong. Tell me, you know you can. Let me help.”

Vegeta’s only response was a complete lack of one. “You want to help? Do this for me. This time and every time we train.”

“Of course. Just… I’m here.”

Vegeta hesitated before nodding. He finally freed his hand from under Gohan's, moving to stop the cheerful brawl between Cabba and his twins and Gohan’s brow furrowed. The prince was exhausted, that much was clear though he covered it well. And it hadn’t escaped Gohan’s attention that he wasn’t healing as fast as he should have either. ‘What the hell is going on?’ He opened his mouth, intent on pressing the matter but Vegeta’s words both interrupted him and made him forget his intentions.

“Piccolo and the girls have decided, and they want to see you. Instead of training in a couple of days we’ll bring the girls to you.”

_________________________________________________________________________________
Vegeta dumped the soiled bedsheets into the washing machine. Numbly he considered the dials before settling on ‘high soil.’

A loud ‘thump’ had him whirling around, trying to take a step back only to run into the machine. A series of smaller thumps followed and he took a shuddering breath, trying and failing to calm his racing heart. It was just one of the more overzealous local squirrels making his pre-dawn presence known on the roof. There was no chance of his mate being awake at this hour; he was out like a light. Vegeta had even been able to change the sheets on the bed without waking him.

It would be a few hours before he was expected at Gohan’s house. He would need that time to find some way to center himself for the coming day. He’d managed it so far, but after last night… it wouldn’t be easy.

At least he didn’t have to dodge Whis’ perceptiveness. He’d begged off having breakfast with him and Piccolo a week ago. They would know that something was wrong; they might know already.

It was clear by now that Goku’s inability to face his feelings for his son was now badly affecting their bond. He could barely hear Goku’s thoughts anymore, and after last night he knew for certain that Goku could no longer hear him at all. There was a chance this kind of thing wasn’t unheard of, in which case Whis would know what to do.

But at what cost? He might ask questions and Vegeta couldn’t tell him the whole of what was happening. Goku was his mate, and he’d taken on the task of protecting his well-being long ago. Now he was failing in that responsibility and wouldn’t tolerate anyone trying to blame Goku or think badly of him for his actions. ‘If I was caring for him the way I should be, this wouldn’t be happening. Hell, if I’d seen the danger Gohan posed in the first place none of this would have ever happened.’

Another awful possibility was that he was just a failure as a mate, as he’d been afraid of all along. Finding that out from Whis of all people would be more of a blow than he could take.

Vegeta took a shuddering breath before pushing the ‘start’ button, thinking of all the times Goku could have walked away from him and his dark past, his damaged soul… and rightfully so, he thought. But Goku never left him, never let him fight his demons on his own. He stayed, unselfishly offering his care and help.

In a few hours Goku would wake up the happy-go-lucky man he always was, though Vegeta wondered what he told himself to make it okay, to explain away the silence that must be in his mind where his own voice should have been.

He would wonder why Vegeta had left without leaving a bedside snack as a way of saying ‘good morning.’

‘And I’m running away like a damned coward…’

But his was only a strategic withdrawal, not a retreat. Last night had been too much for him. For the first time last night he’d feared for the children inside him. He’d kept them safe, but his body hurt and throbbed in places it shouldn’t have. For that at least, he was thankful. Though it lacked the power to give him strength pain was as old a friend as rage. It had its uses: it didn’t think, it wasn't confusing, it couldn’t torture him with guilt or blame… It was a simple creature. Pain could only hurt.

He sank himself into it, allowing it to fill his senses and chase all else away.

It permeated him and his racing heart finally calmed, his racing thoughts slowed.

He just had to get through today, just one more day and he could take a break from seeing Gohan, to try and find some way to convince his mate into letting him help process all his uncharacteristic rage before it completely took him over.

Riding yet another night of not enough sleep and as much food as his recent lack of appetite would allow, it wouldn’t be an easy day. He shook his head. ‘I’ve been through worse,’ he reminded himself. Once again he missed Goku’s reassuring voice in his head. With a growl he forced his mind away from the pang as he had so many times lately and told himself to keep his shit together.

‘I’ve got work to do.’

__________________________________________________________________________________
“Vegeta? You look tired.”

Vegeta glared at him for a moment before walking past him to enter the home he shared with his wife and first child. Gohan watched him with concern; it was more than just ‘tired,’ it was more like a deep weariness. But Vegeta waved him off and he knew the subject was closed as far as he was concerned.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You can still change your mind. Piccolo is waiting to hear from me.”

Gohan took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe this was really happening, he thought he’d at least have to wait a year or two. But here he was, waiting not so patiently for Piccolo to show up with his girls. His twin daughters. His and Vegeta’s.

Who almost certainly hated him for what he did to their Daddy.

Gohan’s nerves were so raw he it was all he could do to keep from pacing the length of his living room. Videl and Pan were upstairs, playing and waiting for their turn and he wasn’t about to turn back now.

“I’m sure. You can tell Piccolo I’m ready.”

Vegeta nodded. “Just remember not to talk down to them. They may look like toddlers but they don’t think that way.” He frowned for a moment and second later Piccolo stood before them, a small hand in each of his. He looked to Gohan and gave him a reassuring smile before releasing their hands.

Gohan’s breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t seen his other daughters, not once. And they were so beautiful, so… perfect. Though they looked most like Vegeta he could see himself in them as well. The one on the right was Pima, the one on the left was Shishi. Piccolo had described them down to their nuances of movement so well he didn’t need to be told.

The girls scowled up at him, their eyes filled with undisguised hatred and they quickly - and very deliberately - moved to stand between him and Vegeta.

They obviously remembered him, and not fondly.

Gohan knew from Piccolo and Vegeta how rarely they spoke aloud, so he was surprised to hear Shishi’s sweet voice, though her tone was anything but.

“Father. We’ve been waiting almost our whole lives for this.”

********************************************************************************************************************************
Next: Gohan faces the children of sins past, and Vegeta finally confides in someone about his damaged bond with Goku.

Can't remember if I've introduced the girls by name, so:
Pima(n) - green bell pepper
Shishi(to) - small Japanese green pepper

Quick notes: The chapter title is taken from an Emily Dickinson poem, 'Pain has an element of blank.' It's short and you can find it online if you're curious. Also, think of this chapter and the next (upcoming) as a two-parter; I had to split one large chapter for length and I'm still tweaking the next bit. Thanks!

Zeo: I saw that ‘Spaces’ chapter as being able to fit in a couple of places so I left it vague so folks would put it where it made sense to them. And keep reading; hopefully it’s clear by now that something’s fracked in Goku’s head. I can’t say much without being spoilerific, but answers are incoming in the next two chapters, then we’ll see how much is Goku and how much is fracked-ness. Wow, I’m blaming ‘fracked-ness’ on the late hour. I hope you feel better soon!
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Atavism