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Prologue
By : Herpb4uDerp
Category: Missing Data > Missing Data
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Goku waits sitting on a rock in the middle of the wastes absently drawing circles in the dirt with a stick. He's decided what he needs to do right now is forgive Vegeta for what he did. Vegeta has never been particularly good at apologies but Goku knew that. He knew Vegeta’s extreme degree of 'training' these past few months was more than clear sign of how terrible Vegeta felt about what happened. Goku thinks, he’s already forgiven Vegeta for worse in the past and now that he knows his son a little better forgiveness will be easy.

This… felt different from the past though. Why is it different? He didn’t know the answer to that, just that it was. Different. Personal.

Goku can’t help but let a little guilt creep in for letting it go this long. For letting Vegeta do this to himself. This needed to happen sooner. Maybe even that day in the Gravity Chamber... Vegeta was so quick to forgive me for leaving... He even- Goku refused to doubt the intentions of that kiss despite Goten's words echoing around his head, eroding his optimism.

... He's using you...

He shakes away the thought and shifts anxiously. Once I forgive him, we can talk about... everything else. Although last time he tried to get Vegeta talked about his... feelings it didn't go well. Though, he admits, maybe a few hours after Bulma’s funeral probably wasn't the best time to talk to Vegeta about that.

He sits there repeating in his head what he wants to say and how he wants to say it, occasionally distracting himself with images of what he wants to do and how he wants to do it. And although it's nothing he hasn't said or done before and it's only been a few months for him, it's been over fifteen years for Vegeta and that was a bit nerve wracking to think about. What if he is different? What if…. He’s been with someone else?

The thought disappears quickly. It was too ridiculous. Vegeta didn't like personal attachments. He fended them off with an almost admirable ferocity. Even the ones he needed. Even the ones that changed him. Maybe... especially those. Both Goku and Bulma had to more or less force their way into Vegeta's life. Back then Goku was the most powerful being in the known galaxy and even he had struggled with how much effort it took just to get what he could. He’s not sure how Bulma managed at all being human. And what did either of them have to show for it? They had both ended up leaving Vegeta in one way or another, alone, like he claimed he wanted to be.

He sighs and presses both palms to the back of his neck and wishes that wasn’t the case. As unfriendly as they had become towards each other at the end she was still the only other person who knew Vegeta like he did. She was the only person who knew anything. He wonders how everything would be. If she were here now. Better? Worse? The same? He supposes it doesn’t matter anymore.

He sighs deeply because on top of all these emotions and questions and half prepared speeches tangling up his mind, he's also a little annoyed because it's nearly three o' clock in the morning and he has successfully evaded his son ALL day and into the evening, who started texting him non stop about their next spar, if he was feeling better, apologizing for what he said, if he wanted to eat, about all sorts of random things with a weird sort of urgency that made him unsure if Bra really helped his situation- still, he managed to avoid all that, placate everyone, including his wife, he waited until everyone was asleep - in order to ensure this moment would be possible. And yet he can feel Vegeta's ki at Capsule Corp not moving, not training, not doing anything! He wants to IT over there already and ask him what the heck is going on- but he said he’d come to me.

So instead he blows air into his bangs, flares his ki a little and keeps waiting.

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On the outskirts of West City Vegeta sits on the roof of Capsule Corp. fretting about the energy he can feel spiking lowly out in the wastes.

The only being left on this damn planet, maybe this whole galaxy who could possibly understand him was the last person he wanted to see and for once it was not because he was annoyed with the third class who had no Saiyan pride, but because... what do I tell him? he didn't seem upset when he- but if he knows, how can I-

He feels his stomach churning again and he knows if he doesn't leave soon, Kakarot will show up here regardless of whether or not he wants him to and he definitely didn't want him to. Too many other variables were likely to get involved. He sighs as he finally takes off into the humid summer air.

Vegeta stops as soon as he sees him and watches for a moment before tapping down quietly and slowly approaching.

Goku smiles and turns his head. He stands up looking at Vegeta with soft dark eyes and leans into embrace him. He is halted by a hand in his chest.

"I- Vegeta..." he tries instead to wrap his arms around Vegeta’s waist with no luck. He can't even get Vegeta to look him in the eyes and gives up with a huff, "What's goin' on?"

Vegeta opens his mouth to respond but no sound comes out. Goku didn't expect him to answer, but it was still frustrating. He exhales trying to organize what he wants to say.

"I know when I came back you- we- I didn't- I know I was mad at you for what you did to Goten but I- He healed. He's ok. I mean, he's not... ok, he's… kinda an asshole," probably because of you but that's not the point, "But I don't- I don't hate you, Vegeta, I could never hate you- I just wanted-" He struggles to explain, wishing he was better with words because it sounded so much clearer in his head. Now everything was getting mixed up and he just wants to tell Vegeta how he feels but he doesn't know how he feels or how Vegeta feels and that is making this so much harder-, "I know I should have said this sooner, but V, You're- it's ok..." he struggles to catch Vegeta's gaze who is staring off somewhere into the darkness, "I... forgive you." With that he runs out of words and waits hopefully wondering if what he managed to get out would be enough to get his point across because they really needed to talk about other things.

Is that what he wanted to tell me? He forgives me? For... nearly killing his son… because he- because I- "You still don’t know… why I did that, do you?” Goku’s expression affirms his supsicions. “Kakarot…” he sighs, “you have no idea what you're forgiving."

"I don't- I really don't care! I don't care anymore, Vegeta. It's forgiven! It doesn’t matter!" Words could not describe how relieved he would have been to hear those words that day in the Gravity chamber, where the hell was that relief now? He just felt hollow.

Goku watches Vegeta waver and battle with his thoughts. Why doesn't he accept this? Why is he hesitating? Why is he still fighting me? Why is he always fighting me? His anxious resolve to push the conversation towards making Vegeta prove Goten wrong in someway or another was quickly building up pressure his brain and he thinks maybe it will be easier for them to speak with actions.

He could show forgiveness. He could show how sorry he was that he left. If he did that then maybe it would be easier for Vegeta to show him what he wanted too. And he decides that would be more than good enough for now.

"Kakarot. Things have ch-" He doesn't finish as Goku suddenly pulls them chest to chest and places his hand gently over Vegeta's mouth. Goku shakes his head with a smile as lets his palm slip down behind Vegeta's neck and he leans in and kisses him.

It was supposed to feel good. But Vegeta’s mind is dredging up every miserable thing in his past that never bothered him before and he keeps hearing this sick ragged voice in the back of his head he can't shut up say things like:

(You fucked his son. He will never forgive that. Do you even want him to? What kind of person accepts forgiveness for something like that? Sure, you thought it was Kakarot, but you knew something was wrong. He smelled different. Tasted different. Felt different. And Vegeta, don't forget, just like he said, it felt goo-)

He visibly shudders away his disgust with himself and pulls away.

"Nothin' has changed." Goku puts his hand underneath the older Saiyan's jaw and turns it back towards his mouth and tries harder to keep his rival turned who-knows-what there. The talking can wait, I want him so bad- things are always better after we do it. Then Goku's mouth begins to touch lower and lower, against his collar, against his chest, he lifts Vegeta’s shirt so he can get to his abs and press his mouth against his-

Suddenly fingers are working quickly on the waistband of Vegeta’s shorts and Vegeta who was in a little too much shock that this was the direction Goku was suddenly taking the night in to respond much to his touch, reaches down abruptly to stop him.

"Don't."

"But-"

"I said don't!" He feels his insides burn with a hundred different emotions all aimed at this fucking idiot who trusts him so implicitly it should be against galatic law. "I can't I- I can't. Kakarot I-" I can't accept this, can't enjoy it, don't... deserve it.

"Why not? Everyone is asleep. We’re in the middle of nowher-"

"It's not about getting caught." He pulls Goku back to his feet.

Why is he- he's not- Goku's now panicked mind spits out the first thing it can think of to keep Vegeta interested, "We can go off world if that's what you want. We can- we can do anything you want." He tries to lean in and kiss him but Vegeta's hands push on his shoulders and hold him back. That definitely wasn't what wanted, but anything was better than nothing, right? It had to be enough, it had to- "Ok, I won't... we can just-"

Vegeta watches Goku’s usual smile beign to sink into desperation. How is he still willing to concede my conditions? After everything I've put him through?

(This idiot will forgive anything - look at that desperate face- yes, even that. He will, you know he will. You don't deserve his forgiveness.)

Vegeta’s grip tightens and he can't bare to look at him anymore and he pushes him away, almost to the ground.
Goku catches himself, "Vegeta!? What the- What’s wrong?!"

Vegeta hated this. He hated what he's done and he couldn't- 'I forgive you.' Those fucking words. They were as good as murder. She had said the same thing. Even though she'd break down on him, even though he continually disappointed her she still said it every time he chose to crush her heart with disloyalty. And Kakarot... he never had to say it, he practically screamed it through his actions, always there waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for this to be something it was never going to be, agreeing to damn near anything Vegeta asked him for in the process. He didn't want to hear those fucking words again excusing some godawful thing he's done for the hundredth time from ANYONE and he didn’t want to keep doing things that made people have to keep saying it anymore.

And he stops. He finally realizes what he needs to do. He should have done this years ago. He never should have given in in the first place but it was far too late for that. All he could do now was stop it. Fuck! Kakarot why did you have to take this further- why did I ever let you-

"We can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?'"

"I mean We can't DO THIS” he gestures between them. “Anymore!" Goku is quiet, “it's been fifteen fucking years, Kakarot! What made you think I’d even want you when you came back?”

"I- what? V, ‘cause we-"

"We what? We WHAT, Kakarot?"

"We're..."

"No. No, whatever it is, we're not. Never were."

"I just wanted..."

"It doesn't matter what you want, Kakarot. What did I tell you every time we did this?"

Goku hesitates and feels his face flush, "that it was just-"

"Just fucking." He has lost count of how many times he has had to insist on this. Maybe some part of him has always known that if it were really true he wouldn't need to say it so often, but it's better to keep insisting. It's better for Kakarot to understand this so he can hate Vegeta like Vegeta hates himself and stop giving him something he didn’t deserve.

"But it wasn't-"

"IT WAS."

"NO! It NEVER was and you know it!"

"Is that so? You really think it was more? You think all those times I fucked you until you couldn't stand were passionate embraces between lovers- No! You idiot! They weren't! That's not how lovers fuck, Kakarot! Not that you would kno-"

A super Saiyan blur slams into Vegeta and Vegeta happily matches because this was a language he could speak easily.

"You are lying! You are lying to me and you lied to Bulma!" Goku narrowly misses Vegeta's fist, but he isn't quick enough to block a left elbow.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, KAKAROT! You know NOTHING about my relationship with her!"

Goku backs up from Vegeta's aggressive advance trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes, trying to block, trying to counter, trying to keep up, "Maybe not! But she's smarter than me and I always knew! So she must have too! Why are you-"

Vegeta throws his fists down, furious that he's so transparent, furious that the last remainder of his race choose now of all times to learn how to be stubborn, "Kakarot! You fucking- You still have a WIFE! Or did you fucking forget?! What the fuck could you possibly want from this? From me?!"

The blows pause while he keeps a healthy distance from Vegeta's kick radius, "She's not-! I dont-!" he avoids the uncomfortable topic altogether, "I want you to be honest with me! Why won't you just admit it?!"

"Admit WHAT?!"

"That this is more than-! I want- I want you to admit that your stupid conditions aren't for me! They were never for me! They were for you! Because you're scared! Beacause you’re-"

Goku's pretty sure his eye socket is now completely shattered. They exchanged no words for the rest of the short bloody fight. Vegeta inwardly acknowledges that Goku has been catching up quickly, but not quick enough. By the end he has him pinned, both arms behind his back and presses Goku’s face down into the dirt.

"Those conditions were for you Kakarot, because I knew this would happen. I was just using y-" And suddenly he is launched backward looking up at the beautiful glowing object of affection he was denying himself because he didn’t want to do this to him anymore.
"Using me? You were USING me!? YOU think-" and now he's just shouting at him with more anger than he's ever felt and Vegeta has no idea what the fuck to make of this.

Why did he seem so stuck on that word? I've said worse-

Goku’s subsequent punches HURT! Vegeta has to work hard to maintain the upper hand. Their second bout is far more violent, but Vegeta still finally pins him. Goku is frustrated that he is still weaker and Vegeta is frustrated too because he feels even worse than before as he struggles to hold him down and force him to accept this rejection as easily as he accepts everything else.

He can't stand to look at him for the final blow the one that will ensure Kakarot never comes back to him. Never forgives him. Never tries to fix what would always be broken. The one that will allow Vegeta to suffer alone for his mistakes and Kakarot to maybe finally move on to something better. Vegeta shuts his eyes and swallows down the regret he feels saying the words, "You're... not even... worth… fighting anymore."

Then it stops. All the wiggling and kicking and attempted punches. Still. Goku has dropped out of form and just lays there letting himself lose. Vegeta let's go without saying a word. He doesn't need to. He won. It's not the kind of win that has any pride or glory behind it and it is the first time he's ever seen Kakarot... give up.

He watches as Kakarot's eyes go dead with hatred. He recognizes the expression immediately but not because he's ever seen it on Kakarot’s face.

He staggers to his feet and turns around feeling sick that he made the universe happiest idiot look like that. He drops to his knees waiting for a response.

The silence is broken by a laugh. It is a short hurt laugh, the type that comes from the absurd humor in being able to accept the magnitude of disaster this attempt to go back to the way things were suddenly became. Now, it was worse than ever! Ha! "He was right. I can't believe he was right. I thought... I thought I knew you better than anyone. But I don't know you at all, do I?"

A cold icy chill runs down Vegeta's spine and he turns back towards Kakarot, "Who... was right?"
Goku looks at him with a joyless smile as he stands up and brushes himself off trying to figure out how best to box away in his head the heart break he was agonizing over moments ago, so he could hide it in front of Vegeta. He would not give him the satisfaction of vulnerability after that kind of humiliation. And then Goten's words start circling around in his head again and he has to ask, "Is it even a 'Saiyan thing?' Or was I just dumb enough for you to take advantage of me? Was this all some kinda revenge because you could never beat me in a fight? And now that you can, I'm not 'worthy?'"

Vegeta's heart stops. Revenge?! Where the FUCK did he get such a twisted idea?! "Wh- of course it's- you're not- It wasn't about revenge- I-"

"All hail Prince Vegeta, strongest of the Saiyans. You finally got your wish. You win. I'm not even worth your time for a spar. I'll never annoy you again with my third class presence."

Vegeta stutters as he realizes what has been happening while he's been training away his regret, refusing to deal with this. He wasn't the only target for that sick fuck's anger issues. Of course I wasn't. It comes with unimaginable remorse, the sudden understanding that he has done exactly what that horrible little nightmare wanted. He walked right into it. He pushed Kakarot away, out of the way, and now he was alone. Kakarot was his only chance to expose that miserable wretch, wasn't he? And now he'd never… be able to. He couldn’t take back what he just said. And why did I even say that? Because... I thought I’d be able to spare him? Goten has us right where he wants us now….

What have... I done

Suddenly Vegeta changes his mind, he wants to tell Kakarot everything, everything! He wanted to tell him that he waited all these years, trained so hard, stayed on earth, never left, because he thought Goku would come back, hoped he would, believed he would. Wanted to tell him that he cared, trained, housed his idiot son because it was the last piece of Kakarot he had and he looked just fucking like him, Kami, it was so hard at times. Both our youngests killed me inside every day just looking at them, constantly reminding me of the people I wronged and could never apologize to. He would finally admit what he had done. fuck! I thought he was you! I thought you were- and somehow he planned this! planned- I don't- and everything I told you tonight was a lie and it's tearing me apart how much you still want this because I want it t-

"No, Kakarot, I- Goten he-"

"Stop, Vegeta. It's ok. You don't have to explain. I understand now. And... I still forgive you." He says plainly without any kindness. "Even though you probably don't deserve it. And you're right, this... was a mistake. I should be getting back to my wife. Who is still alive." Vegeta reaches for him as he places two fingers to his forehead but he is too late. His hand makes contact with nothing.

"Wait, I-" He would have admitted fault, defeat, humiliation, anything Kakarot wanted he would have said it in that moment, but he is gone, the moment is gone and he is alone. For the thousandth time in his life, he is alone. And for once he doesn't want to be.

His scream into the void is agonizing and long. Ki explodes off of him as he yells until his voice gives out. When his lungs could no longer produce sound, he vomits up everything until he heaves dry and then he collapses into darkness, exhaustion being the only way sleep could find him these days.

On the other side, despite his smug remark about still being married, when Goku appears in his home beside Chi Chi he realizes he has to immediately leave or he will wake her with the break down he could no longer put off and so he disappears, eyes already wet, out the bedroom window almost as quickly as he came.
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An explosion of energy wakes him up. He immediately recognizes it as Vegeta's. He pads quietly through the house. No one else woke up? Good. He'd always been a light sleeper. He quickly searches out the most likely cause for such an outburst, but his father's energy was nowhere near there... Strange. He also wasn't... at home. Stranger. He debates which one of the two he should go to.

He can hear the sobbing as soon as he touches down.

"Dad... is everything-"

"WHAT! DO YOU WANT?!" His father is hardly an inch from his face and stanced for a fight.

Goten backs away hands up, "I- I felt your energy- I-" He's having trouble figuring out what to say because holy shit those bruises were BAD, and he'd never seen him angry before so that was odd and so many questions were running through his head now as he watches his father back off and sit back down by a river bank.

His face falls into his hands and he starts crying again. Goten hears him say something muffled but can't make it out.

"What?"

He lifts his head up and makes a choking noise, "I said! You were right!"

"I was..."

"YES! You were right... He... does not feel the same way."

Look at you, Vegeta. Getting my job done for me in the most unexpected ways. And here I was WORRIED about what would happen if he tried to talk to you, "He did this?"

Goku's face twists, as much as it can, with upset, and he nods.

Damn. I missed the whole fight. How did it go this badly? "Did you at least get some good damage in?"

"Yeah, he looks worse."

Goten's brow raises with doubt, "...are you... lying?"

Tears start streaming down his face again as he nods. “I barely got one good hit in.”

Goten sits down with a long sigh beside his father. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being right." He turns his head to hide his smile. I am sorry, he really fucked you up. But oooh, do I also love being right.
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A//N OK so, APOLOGIES. I literally forgot to copy pasta the chapter last week and it was just a bunch of bullshit author's notes HA! But it's there now. MY BAD. T_T We have nearly hit the crux of the story. Ffffff- so close. SOO close.
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Prologue	By : Herpb4uDerp Category: Missing Data > Missing Data Views: 194 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Prologue