DBZ, Celebrity Deathmatch Style

MrSubway2: Hello, again. Well, this is it. In our final bout, the Pokemon/DBZ epic will be decided once and for all. So far, it's DBZ over Pokemon, 3-0. But, none of that matters now. The creator of Dragonball and Dragonball Z, Akira Toriyama, will face the current president of the Nintendo Corporation, whoever the hell he is.
Johny: That's right, Subway. Let's go to an earlier interview with Akira. Stacy, take it away.
Stacy: I can't believe I'm standing in the same room as Mr. Toriyama. This is so thrilling. So, Mr. Toriyama, how do you think you'll fair against the PON?
Akira: Well, Ms. Cornbread, I didn't create Dragonball by not knowing how to fight. Please observe. HIYAH! (Akira throws a series of punches and kicks in the air)
Stacy: Wow! Incredible! I wonder how many of your fans know you can fight?
Akira: Well, I usually don't bring it up. I'm much more content drawing comics, but tonight I'm going to make an exception. The PON will go down, and I will prove once and for all the DB and DBZ are the ultimate Japanese Anime.
Stacy: What about Dragonball GT?
Akira: Please, Ms. Cornbread. I just ate.
Stacy: Well, good luck! Back to you, fellas.
MrSubway2: Cool interview. I know the millions, AND MRSUBWAY2 MEANS THE MILLIONS, of Akira's fans will be watching.
The Rock's Attorney: Okay, that's it. I'm going to sue this guy for everything...
MrSubway2: (pulling out a 44) (BAM) I hate lawyers.
Nick: Well, let's take it to the ring. The fight is about to start!
Mills: Okay you two millionaire moguls, I want a nice, clean fight. This is for all the marble's, so you'd better make it good. People all around the world are watching. We've got all the DBZ gang and all the remaining Pokemon on opposite sides of the arena, cheering you on. I hoI hope you're not nervous. Now, let's get it on!!!
PON: Akira, I will take revenge for all the Pokemon characters your DBZ characters killed. This is going to cost me millions!
Akira: I cannot help it if all your Pokemon are poorly drawn weaklings!
PON: Okay! That's it!
Nick: And, here we go! The PON is going after Akira, flailing his arms like a little bitch!
MrSubway2: But, Akira has sidestepped everything. Whoa! He just kicked the PON in the back of the head! That's the funniest damn thing I've ever seen!
PON: OW! Damn it! Okay, you want to play that way?
Johny: Oh! The PON is hitting Akira upside the head with his leather briefcase!
Akira: Ow! Ow! What do you have in there, bricks?
PON: Even worse. Hard, plastic Nintendo Cartridges.
MrSubway2: I hate those things! At least you can copy Playstation Games.
Nick: What?
Johny: What?
MrSubway2: Um, nothing.
Akira: I don't see any DBZ games in there. Why won't your release my games in America?
PON: You know DBZ is way too popular in America. You know how much money I'd lose in idiotic Pokemon merchandise if I released DBZ games?
Akira: So, that's it, you bastard! BOOM!
POW: OOOWWW!
MrSubway2: OOH! Akira is punching the crap out of the PON!
Nick: He's picked up a copy of Pokemon Blue and is jamming the corner in the PON's eye!
PON: My eye! My eye! AAAAAAHHHH!
Akira: This is for all those annoying, pussy characters of yours!
PON: Oh, yeah! OW! What about Puar, huh?
Akira: Puar is an attempt to make fun of Pokemon and you know it.
PON: What?
Akira: (with evil grin) That's right! I made Puar and annoying pussy just to rip off and dis Pokemon!
PON: Bastard! Pussified characters are a Nintendo thing!
Johny: Wow! The PON is pissed. He's making a comeback! What's that?
MrSubway2: NO! Not a gameboy! NO!
PON: Look at the gameboy, Akira. Look at its horrible screen, it's bland gray colors.
Akira: AAAHHH! I can't see! I'm blind! I'm blind!
Johny: What's going on, Subway?
MrSubway2: Well, Johny. As anyone who has ever played a gameboy knows, after about 30 seconds of play, trying to see the ridiculously small, blurry gray screen, your sight is pretty much shot for at least 1 hour.
Nick: And, that's plenty of time for the PON to finish off Akira!
PON: Kind of hard to fight when you can't see, huh?
Akira: Where are you? Where...AAAAAHHHH!
MrSubway2: The PON is beating Akira over the head with an N64! There's blood everywhere!
PON: It's about over for you, Akira.
Akira: Uh, my eyes are clearing! I see kno know, bastard! Hi YA!
Johny: Akira has kicked the PON and the chest! Now, he's taken the N64 from him and he's...MY GOD!!!!
Nick: He's pulled down the PON's pants and is shoving the N64 up his ass!
PON: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Akira: (looking in the PON's briefcase) Ah! An N64 controller! Perfect!
Johny: What the hell is he doing?
MrSubway2: I don't believe this! With the N64 up his ass, Akira is able to control the PON with the controller! Amazing!
Akira: Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!
PON: (punching himself in the face) Ow! Ow! Ow!
Akira: (moving joystick down) Now, bow before the DBZ fans!
PON: NEVER!!!!!!!!! (forced to bow anyway)
Akira: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now, your own device will be your undoing! Here, hold this.
Nick: He's given the PON a canister of gasoline. Where did he get that?
Akira: Hmm. Now, would I push the A button or the B button to get you to dump that over your head? Ah. Here we go!
PON: (dumping gas all over himself) What are you doing? NO! PUT THE LIGHTER DOWN! I'LL RELEASE A GAME! I PROMISE! I'LL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MrSubway2: Marshmallows, anyone?
PON: (body turns to ashes)
Mills: Your winner, Akira, proving DBZ the dominant cartoon...HEY!
Team Rocket: This is bullshit! We've lost every match. (they jump into the ring, along with all the other Pokemon characters.) We're going to kill you ourselves, Akira!
Mills: Hey! I don't like sore losers! All you creeps get the fuck out of my ring! Akira won fair and square!
Johny: I don't believe it! Akira is surrounded by all the Pokemon characters who were in the audience! He's going to be killed for sure!
Nick: But, wait! All the DBZ guys are on there feet! Vegeta, Goku, Gohan all of 'em!
MrSubway2: Gentlemen. If any fans are on in this arena, I suggest you turn them off, because the shit it about to hit them!
Goku: Hey! Get away from Master Akira, motherfuckers!
Vegeta: If you so much as breathe on him, you're all dead!
James, from team rocket: Fuck you, Veggie! This whole thing was bullshit! All our guys are dead!
Vegeta: Well, it's not our fault you're all weak pussies!
Goten: Yeah, pussies!
Goku: GOTEN!!!!
Goten: Sorry, dad!
Goku: You shouldn't make fun of them just because they're pussies. After all, their parents raised them that way!
Crowd: Ooooooooohhh!
Jesse, from team rocket: I say we decide once and for all who has the better cartoon! We'll kill you all!
Goku: Master Akira, please leave the ring!
Nick: Holy shit! This wasn't planned!
Goku: Everyone else, leave the ring! I'm going to take care of the whole Pokemon cast alone!
Vegeta: Listen, Kakarott! I...
Goku: Listen, Vegeta. If I beat them alone, think of the humiliation.
Vegeta: (with an evil, menacing grin) Okay, Kakarott. But, the next mass killing is mine, got it?
Goku: You got it, bro.
Johny: This is insane! Goku can't possibly take on all those guys alone!
Nick: He's toast!
MrSubway2: (silence, looks on knowingly with a tiny grin)
Goku: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (The entire arena shakes. The lights flicker, as Goku's hair turns gold. His body shakes with power. The audience is awe struck as the building shakes as if in an earthquake. Goku's golden hair begins to grow. Suddenly, the arena is shook with an explosion, filling it with a blinding, golden light. As the light clears, and the trembling stops, the audience gasps in unison. Goku stands in the middle of the ring, with a huge grin on his face, in Super Saijin 3 form!
Johny, Nick and MrSubway2: HOLY SHIT!
Goku: Okay. Let's get it on!
(Team Rocket: Charge!
(The next five minutes pass in a frenzy of power. The ring shakes violently. The audience and the announcers are to stunned to speak. At times, they cannot even see Goku. The screams and roars of the Pokemon characters fill the arena. Finally, the smoke clears. The crowd is in awe at the savagery, the brutality, the carnage. Children cry. Women bury their faces into the men's chests. In the ring stands Goku, with folded arms. All around him, lay bloody, gory bodies. Some have been decapited. Others torn apart, Meowth fur and Pikachu blood, Squritle spleens, Charizard guts, team rocket clothes drenched in blood, snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. Not one Pokemon character is left alive.)
Nick: MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Johny: THE CARNAGE!
MrSubway2: BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nick: How could you write something like that!!!???
Mills: Uh, the winner, GOKU!
Crowd: (gets over shock and goes insane, cheering wildly. D-B-Z! D-B-Z! D-B-Z!)
Goku: Thank you, thank you.
Funimation President, steps into ring and shakes Goku's hand: Goku, we at Funimation are so proud of you for getting rid of the competition. Ladies and gentlemen, Funimation will be releasing a home video of this tournament, in edited and unedited formats. And, even though it's already in English, we'll be redubbing it to make it sound much better! Also...(BANG!)
(Funimation President falls dead, a bullet hole in his temple.)
MrSubway2: (puts gun back in suit pocket) Much better.
Crowd: WOOHOO!
DBZ gang: WOOHOO!
MrSubway2: Well, folks, that's it. Before I go, I'd like to do something I've always wanted to do. With Cell getting into the singing business, I'd like to leave you with some entertainment. I, too, have dabbled in the art of singing. This one's dedicated to Goku. (clears throat) Did you ever know that you're my heeeeerrrooooo! You're everything I would like to beeeeeeeeee.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Throws rotten tomatoes and eggs)
MrSubway2: Ah, the hell with it. ny: ny: I'm Johny Gomez
Nick: And, I'm Nick Diamond
MrSubway2: And, I'm MrSubway2 saying, GOOD FIGHT, GOODNIGHT!!!!!