For Life and Death

For Life and Death
By: Kichi

DISCLAIMER: Dragonball Z and its characters belong to Akira Toriyama
WARNING: NC-17 for sensitive subject matter. I don\'t want to spoil the secret though,
so just remember you\'ve been warned…

Chapter 3 – Let Me In…


The next morning Vegeta awoke to see Bulma with a little bundle in her arms. A
strange, yet not unpleasant smell hit his nose and he inhaled deeply as he sat up.
\"What is that?\" he said, sniffing. Bulma grinned and held forth the little bundle.
\"Your daughter. Babies smell good.\" Vegeta\'s eyes widened a bit and he leaned
forward to get a better whiff. \"Want to hold her?\"
\"No.\" He replied immediately. Instead of being upset Bulma smiled a bit.
\"Never held a baby before?\"
\"No.\" he said, looking slightly nervous.
\"Well now\'s the best time to start. She\'s yours after all. Come on, she won\'t bite.\"
Vegeta frowned and held his arms out. She gently placed their daughter in his arms and
smiled when his eyes widened fractionally.
She was so tiny and her little eyes opened to stare at him. Two dazzling blue orbs
gazed into his midnight eyes without flinching. A little chubby arm waved in the air and
he stared in silent fascination.
\"Crazy.\" He murmured.
Bulma smiled.

It had been a month since Bura\'s birth. Everything was relatively normal, except
iu cou considered the fact that Vegeta actually paid attention to his new child. And
somehow Bulma knew that he loved her. It wasn\'t even the way he watched their little
girl sleep or that he actually played with her as she lay on her thick baby blanket amid
brightly colored toys.
She just felt it.
It had to be the bond. She could feel him, feel where he was and at times his
emotions. But only when they were in the extreme. If he was slightly annoyed with her
she\'d never know. It was wonderful and yet, something was still missing. And she knew
exactly what it was.
That little tiny piece of his heart that he hadn\'t let her see. She knew he had every
reason to want to keep it from her, but somehow, the very fact that she didn\'t know made
her feel incomplete. As if knowing every facet about his character would be the only
thing to make her whole. She needed to know, and yet at the same time she was afraid.
Afraid to ask him what it was. Afraid he\'d be angry with her for asking. She was afraid
that asking would hurt him and drive him away.
Didn\'t he trust her? Or was it something so terrible that even he couldn\'t think
about it? She didn\'t know what scared her more.
If he didn\'t trust her… That couldn\'t be it! They wouldn\'t be raising a second
child together if he didn\'t trust her. They would never have bonded if he didn\'t trust her.
They probably would never have slept together in the first place if he hadn\'t trusted her
even a little bit.
The other possibility scared her almost as much. She\'d seen the pain he\'d dealt
with in his life. On multiple occasions she\'d wondered how he hadn\'t just taken his own
life to end the gnawing torment. She would have, and it made he realize how strong he
really was, and how weak she was. But to think that there was still something bur
de
deep inside of him that he couldn\'t even confront. It scared her, it hurt her that he had so
much pain in his life. If he couldn\'t get over the trauma, how would they ever be
complete? She could accept the way he was now. She did, she always had. But now that
she knew there was something he was hiding from her, she couldn\'t help but worry for
him.
What if something happened that for some reason forced him to confront the
hidden issue and he couldn\'t deal with it? She knew how strong he was but when they
had almost completed the bond she remembered the sheer horror she felt as she drew
nearer to that dark place.
It was indescribable, the panic she\'d felt. Like every phobia she\'d ever felt come
to life. Every dark nightmare in one tiny package. It was like Pandora\'s box. Once
opened all Hell would break loose. She knew Vegeta felt the same from the way he\'d
jumped away from her. The way he\'d flinched when she\'d tried to touch him. And the way
he trembled afterwards.
She\'d never seen him that way before. It scared her. His other memories had
been bad enough, and they hadn\'t even caused him to twitch. What could be so horrible
Her life had been one big joy-ride compared to his. She wished it hadn\'t been so easy for
her. Maybe then she could understand him better. She understood him far better now
that she\'d seen most of his past.
But still, it troubled her to not know everything. She knew that if he dealt with
whatever it was he would feel better eventually. But how would she convince him that?

\"Step into the light, chibi no Ouji… Let me look at you..\" Where was she? It was
so dark. A thin shaft of light stood in the center of the room causing everything else to be
that much darker. She couldn\'t see anything and the soft, lilting voice scared her.
She stepped into the light.
\"Good.. now take off your clothes..\" she suddenly felt a wave of fear and her
discomfort grew until she felt slightly ill. But she knew what would happen if she said
no. They all knew what it meant to say no to him. She pulled off slightly scuffed battle
armor slowly as though it had to be done perfectly. But she knew she was just stalling
for time, trying to figure a way out, even though she knew there was none. She pulled off
a dark battle suit, desperately trying to fight the building nausea.
\"Come over here.\" The voice said and she heard the sound of flesh patting a soft
mattress. She shivered in apprehension. She didn\'t really know what was about to
happen or why she had to be naked in front of the one being she hated above all others,
but not only was it humiliating, it just didn\'t seem right. Her soft tail wrapped around her
waist as she inched closer to the bed and she silently sat on the very edge of the mattress.
She shivered as a cold hand traced lazily up her spine.
\"Closer, my dear…\" she scooted a fraction of an inch closer and heard a low
chuckle behind her. Suddenly powerful arms grabbed her from behind and threw her
onto her back. The back of her head struck the wall and for a moment dizziness made the
room pitch black. Sharp nails dug into her flesh and she bit back a cry of pain. She
didn\'t want to give him the pleasure of hearing her cry out. The nausea was making her
eyes and mouth water as she felt a rough tongue slide down to her waist. She shuddered
in disgust, a whimper escaped despite her best efforts to control it. She heard another low
chuckle. Icy hands caressed her as the tongue dipped lower and lower. She felt tears
coming to her eyes and she knew there was nothing she could do to stop them. Suddenly
she felt the prodding tongue reach her most private area and she couldn\'t stop the choked
cry that escaped. She received a hard slap. Once her head stopped ringing she could
taste blood on her lips.
The frigid hands were everywhere. Touching places she didn\'t want to be touched.
Then her head was forced down and her behind was lifted and a cold finger entered her
from behind. She cried out in pain and disgust. Overwhelming shame filled her as the
finger thrusted in and out of the tight orifice. Then the finger withdrew and she felt
something much larger pressed against her. Instantly she was penetrated again, but this
time her cry was much louder as the skin was stretched and torn to accommodate the
intruding member. In and out it went repeatedly until her head was pounding into the
wall, the force almost knocking her unconscious. But not quite. She wasn\'t to have that
blessed release. She felt warm blood run down her thighs as she was pounded into again
and again. Please stop, please…

She awoke with a strangled gasp. A sob caught in her throat as she tried to calm
her racing heart. When she finally clamed down enough to observe her surroundings she
was overjoyed to find herself at home in bed. But the dream, it had been so real..
Vegeta lay next to her, she suddenly realized. He was tangled in the sheets and
sweat stood out clearly on his brow. He moaned low in his throat and she reached out to
wipe the sweat from his brow..
..and sharp talons raked his flesh. Blood instantly welled up from the wounds as
the other hand pulled and squeezed his tail..
..she pulled her hand back with a low gasp. It wasn\'t a dream. It had happened.
To him. To Vegeta.
\"Oh God!\" she cried repeatedly, her voice growing louder and louder as the horror
overwhelmed her. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes. Vegeta\'s eyes shot open and he
sat up with a gasp only to have Bulma throw herself at him weeping.
\"Woman, what-?\"
\"I saw it, I saw it!!\" she sobbed, her forehead pressed against his throat. Her
could feel her hot tears splashing against his skin.
\"Saw what?\" Vegeta demanded. She was getting hysterical.
\"Your dream! I dreamed your dream!!\"
He felt a sudden wave of vertigo. Perhaps it was all the blood draining from his
face. She knew. The one thing he didn\'t want anyone to know. Ever. And she knew.
He felt a wave of heat and then cold. Horrible cold and he abruptly stood, knocking
Bulma to the floor. She gasped as she fell but she quickly scrambled to her feet and ran
after him as he stormed down the hall.
\"Vegeta! No! Whatever your going to do, please don\'t do it!!\" she shrieked as she
ran after him. He abruptly whipped to face her.
\"Stop following me!!\" he screamed. She flinched, her ears ringing but followed
him out he door.
\"Come back inside!\" she cried softly, her words dissolving into a broken sob.
Fear filled her heart as she wondered what he would do to himself. If she\'d made him
angry enough to stab himself, what would he do now?
\"Leave me alone!\" He cried, his voice breaking and dying to a ragged whisper. \"I
don\'t want you here..\" he walked a few more steps before he fell to his knees and began
to pound the earth with his fists. She could feel the tremors of the impacts and could see
neighbor\'s lights snapping on in the distance.
\"Vegeta, please come inside.\" She said softly.
\"NO!!\" he bellowed. \'LEAVE ME ALONE!!!\"
\"I WON\'T LEAVE!!\" she screamed back. She could see in the moonlight his
body stopped shaking for a moment and he looked over his shoulder at her. She could
see unshed tears in his eyes and felt her heart twist in response. He sat back on his heels
and heaved a long, shuddering sigh and didn\'t move for several long minutes. Bulma
slowly edged closer until she stood right behind him and she crouched down and gently
put her hands on his shoulders.
He jerked at the contact but didn\'t shove her away. She could still feel faint
tremors running through his body. Ignoring the chill that was spreading through her
limbs she sat behind him on the dew-covered grass and wrapped her arms around his
waist and rested her head on his back. He said nothing and didn\'t touch her.
Bulma wanted to say something. She wanted to tell him that it was alright and
she didn\'t think any differently of him, except maybe she respected him more. And she
understood him better. How could he not take out his anger on other people. She knew
herself well enough to admit she would do the same if she were him. She knew what it
felt like to want everyone to hurt as much as she did. If she\'d had his strength and
upbringing (and if she was a man- she knew perfectly well that women take their anger
out on themselves), she knew she would have hurt other\'s without a second
thought.
But she knew that if she said anything he would explode in rage and do Kami-
knows-what. So instead she clunghim him and held him as if she was the only thing
keeping him there.

Vegeta was numb. A thousand myriad thoughts ricochet through his brain, too
quick to grasp. Except for one: \"She Knows.\" He could feel hot tears rolling down his
cheeks but was powerless to stop them. Why did she have to find out? Why? His
ultimate disgrace. The only thing he\'d never live down: Frieza, the demon Ice-jinn
who\'d murdered his entire race and destroyed his planet had raped him. Him. The last
Prince of Vejiitasei. Frieza\'s little whore.
No one had even known before. If anyone had they would have thrown it right in
his face and laughed. And now she knew. And she\'d cried. She still was crying. He
could feel her hot tears rolling down his spine. He\'d never seen her cry so hard as when he\'d
first woken up. Perhaps that was why he\'d snapped. He didn\'t want her pity.
Gods! All he\'d ever wanted to do was forget! But it never went away. He hadn\'t
dreamed of it for years and years but tonight, of course, was different. And she had seen
it! They had shared a dream. Something he\'d always thought was a myth.
But why this? Why couldn\'t it have been the time he\'d just been \"reprimanded\"
by Frieza, and had found one of the ship\'s crew just outside the door and had beaten him to
death? All she would have seen was the blood. That was all he remembered.
No, he would never be able to forget the horrible transgression. Tonight was
proof. It woulver ver go away. The pain would never stop.


TBC…


Sorry for the evil cliff-hanger, but I only have 20 some reviews, so I doubt that
many people are reading anyway. For those of you who are, patience!! I\'ll start ch. 4
tomorrow!! ^.^