Interludes

Interludes
By: Kichi


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Vegeta but I really, really wish I did.

Chapter 4 - What really matters.

This is what is real. The screams of the dying, ki explosions, the smell of blood and charred bodies. It is total freedom. It is like nothing existing. The freedom to kill and destroy, power over hundreds of thousands of lives.
But no, it is not total power. If it was I could decide whether to kill or let live. But I can only bring death. But I do not care, they should all thank me for sparing them from becoming one of Frieza's slaves. But I would not want any thanks if it was offered. I am not intentionally sparing anyone from my fate. Let everyone suffer like me, a prince turned into a slave.
My only release is this. To destroy everything. It almost makes me forget my shame. It is better than any drug I've ever tried, and I've tried them all. Everything I could get my hands on, just to see what it would do, if anything. Usually nothing happened, sometimes it works. But it still does not compare to this.
This is everything.
It is life and death before my eyes. Pain and hate and fear and sorrow. Watching the fires die from a long night of destruction always brings me back to reality. Makes me remember that I have to go back. We always go back eventually. Back to the monster that destroyed my race and planet. The shame I feel is almost unendurable. I am the strongest Saiyan alive, and yet I am nothing but a plaything. A puppet for my sadistic "Master." It is shameful what he does to me. As if the fact that he can, and has beaten me within an inch of my life isn't bad enough...
He would love to think I owe him the title "Master." I hate him more than my father for handing me over to Frieza like some sort of bargaining tool. I hate being used, but at least I am aware it is happening. I would be a fool to not know. I owe him nothing and never will. He owes me his blood to bathe in and his screams to listen to.
After all the fun is over everything reverts to its endless meaningless cycle. I am aware of time passing and it's drawing me closer to the time that I must return to Frieza and his icy embrace. I shudder convulsively at the thoughts, my own mind taking perverse delight in torturing me. My stomach begins to twist and churn as it usually does when I am forced to recall such a hideous transgression. And as it does, I curse my own weakness.
How many times has it happened and I still can not harden my heart against it. I can't stop the chill that flows through my veins when I think of it. Or the inevitable nausea that memories brings. No wonder I can barely eat anymore. Every time I think of his hands on me-
My knees give and I am on my knees, retching uncontrollably. I desperately hope no one sees. It is embarrassing enough that I am this weak. I gasp for air, but smoke from nearby fires burns my lungs and I begin to choke.
Damn you Frieza! I curse silently. My head is throbbing, and not for the first time I wish to shoot myself in the face with a huge ki bomb.
And I would too if anyone knew the dread secret...
Stop being such a fucking baby! I mentally chide myself. But it does no good. I can't control it yet. I've tried so hard but sometimes it's too hard. Only the fear of discovery makes anything possible. Nappa and Radditz wouldn't say anything, but everyone else would die laughing. Then I'd have to kill myself.
How shameful. The Prince of all Saiyans wants to kill himself. But I cannot think of a better reason than the one I have. I could deal with being in Frieza's army and slaughtering innocent species. I could even deal with my planet being destroyed.
But being raped like a weak female, by my worst enemy, I'm surprised I did not die of shame right then. I wish I would have. Now what is left for me? What have I to be proud of? My strength was not nearly enough to keep him away. And it has not risen in so long. If I could eat maybe my body wouldn't be feeding on my ki. But the sight of food makes me want to retch and when I'm not destroying or training I am usually sleeping.
I know I should eat, I'm so hungry all the time, so hungry my stomach feels like it's eating itself and my head hurts so bad I can barely see straight. But I can't. Everything makes me sick. Frieza, his dick-sucking cronies. Everything, everyone.
I take a deep breath and slowly stand. I hear Nappa's voice buzzing in my ear. He has completed his purge.
I wish we didn't have a time limit for each planet. Better to stay here among the fire and death than go back. Better to stay here and starve to death than have those icy hands on me again. My head is pounding.
Everything is dead. There is no reason to stay. My one joy is gone until the next time. And who knows how long that will be, how long I'll have to wait to release my rage and hatred. My scouter beeps in my ear letting me know that Radditz is near. I try to assume my normal appearance, but I can tellook ook bad. I haven't been able to eat a full meal in over a week and although I am so hungry I can hardly bear it, I cannot eat. And I think Radditz knows this. But he knows to keep his mouth shut. Nappa, I don't think, will notice.
I'm so tired, all I want to do is sleep. But Frieza has not seen me in over a month. I will get no sleep tonight.
If there is a god, I hate him.

Aww.. so sad.

Chapter 5 should be out soon. I'm already done with 6 so that will come out at the same time.