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Tourniquet	By : DementedGosip Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 975 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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~*~Tourniquet~*~

<>I
should
die. I don't deserve to live, a stupid fucking homo like
me. Duo hates me, Relena thinks I'm some poor little heartbroken
sucker. And I'm sure the other pilots don't give a damn.
I'll
die right here, in my apartment, in Duo's arms. It would all be
so
much better if Duo didn't know why I'm dieing, if he didn't hate me.

The paramedics have just gotten
here, but I can't let them save me!
I have to die! There's no reason for me to live anymore! I
have to get up, Duo says that the paramedics are gonna be up here with
a stretcher in a minuet, I have to get up! The bathroom has a
lock!
I have to get to the bathroom, and I can hardly breath. Duo can't
stop me from getting to the bathroom, I won't let him! He can't
stop
me from dieing! I've had enough, I have to die! But my head
is so dizzy, I've lost so much blood, now and from before. Even
if
the paramedics get here, will they really even be able to 'save' me?

I still have some strength left,
now that I got out of Duo's grip, I
need to get to the bathroom! But I need to push now, I need to
lock
the door but Duo won't stop pushing. But it doesn't matter now,
the
paramedics are pushing too. They're going to take me to the
hospital,
they're going to try and keep me alive! Don't they get it?!
I just want to die! Why won't they just let me die?

It's my body! My life!
I have a choice over whether I get
a job or not, whether I go to school or not, whether I eat or not, why
shouldn't I choose when and how I die? This is my choice!
Just
let me go, I don't want to live, if you save me, I just try
again!
You'll have to put me in total lock down if you think you can keep from
killing myself! I don't deserve to live! If you think I'll
go willingly, I need to die!

"No!.... sop' it..... deed
die..." I can hardly see anymore,
there are so many tears, and the lights are so bright. Funny,
they
never seemed so bright before. When people say they see the light
at the end of the tunnel they must be seeing the doctors light pen, it
fucking hurts. Shit, I think they just gave me a sedative, but
they
may just be messing with my cuts. Either way, I just felt
something
in my arm.

Duo's still here, he's sitting
next to me, they're already pulling the
ambulance out of the parking lot. I think he's crying, but it's
so
hard to see, the lights are finally dimming, it doesn't hurt as much
anymore.
I guess I wasn't joking that time with Trowa. When I told him it
hurts to die. My lungs can't take in as much air, and I think I'm
finally paying for that, I can't stay awake much longer. Please
Duo,
just let me die, I just want to die! What's so wrong about
that?
Tell me, why is it so important for you to hurt me, that you're trying
to save me?

~~oOo~~

(Duo's POV)

Oh god Heero! Why did you do
this? Please don't leave me!
I should have noticed something! I should never have left the
first
time, I should have gotten you to open the door then, so that you never
would have done this to yourself! Heero, you can’t die, you just
can't! Please don't leave me, please.

Should I have seen this
coming? Did anyone else know? How
long have you kept these feelings inside you Heero? How long have
you felt like this? How long have you felt alone?

~~oOo~~

(Heero's POV)

No, this can't be it. I'm
not dead. I wonder if I'm dieing?
Either way I'll never be the same. I threw that mask away, it was
nothing but broken pieces anyway. I can't hide anymore behind
that
mask. If I wake up I'll just lock myself away, I'll loose myself
in thought. They don't love me, I don't have to act for them,
they
don't care! None of them fucking give a damn! So why do
I?
Why does it matter to me whether anyone wants me or not? No, I
shouldn't
care! I should not want someone to care if I'm happy or
not!
Because in the end I will be their downfall. That little girl
showed
me that. It was quite clear. I never did find her
body...
Just the puppy.

I hope, that if they did save me,
there are no flowers. I don't
want to think about her! I don't! It just hurts too
much.
It all hurts far too much. Why did I have to tell him? Now
he'll never want to see me again. But then again, you can't see
the
dead, now can you?

I'll just stay here, all alone,
and I won't have to wear that mask ever
again. I wont have to see the disgust, the pain I caused.
You
can finally be happy Duo. Truly happy, you wont have to see me
mope
around and bring you down. I'll just stay asleep here, for all
eternity.

~~oOo~~

(NO POV)

"Mr. Maxwell?"

"Yes. Who may I ask is
speaking?"

"I am Marry Sondbachè, I'm
calling on behave of the Khushrenada
memorial Hospital(1)."

Duo's hand tightened around the
phone as possible reasons for the call
spiraled through his head. "Is Heero alright?"

"Yes, he still has not woken
up. He made a file a while back,
that if he should go comatose for more than 30 days you would have the
choice to take him off life-support. We'd like you to come down
to
the hospital and sign a few papers, and we can talk some more about
your
final choice, is that alright with you Mr. Maxwell?"

//Oh god. Heero.//

"Yeah, I'll be down there in about
an hour or so, is that fine?"

"Yes, that's wonderful.
Goodbye Mr. Maxwell."

Once Duo had hung up the phone he
just stared out at the window, not
really focusing on any one thing. //Heero had this all planed
didn't
he? Why would he choose me? How could I tell them to take
him
off life-support? What if I make the wrong choice? What if
his mind is gone and if I keep him on it he just stays a vegetable for
the rest of his life? How dare he make me choose this!
Heero....//

Picking the phone back up Duo
choose a number off his speed dial, waiting
as the phone rang.

"Hello, Trowa Barton speaking."

"Hey, Trowa," //Shit, I
can't get my voice to stop shaking//
"Is Quatre there? I need to talk to him about something
important."

"Duo? What's wrong?"

"Just please, can you put Quatre
on the phone Trowa?"

"Yeah, I'll go get him."

There was some shuffling noises
before muffled voices made thier way
through Duo's phone to his ear, and after a few more seconds the noise
stopped.

"Duo? Is there something
wrong?"

Taking a large breath Duo nearly
couldn't talk as tears started to well
up in his eyes. "Quatre. Heero... The reason why
Heero
hasn't been to school this last week isn't because he's sick, Quatre."

"Duo. Duo what are you
talking about? Why wasn't he at school
then?'

"Quatre," The was another
large intake of breath before Duo continued.
Only this time much softer. "Quatre, he... He tried to kill
himself. I walked in, and he'd already lost so much blood!"
Duo couldn't stop the tears that wormed their way down his face, nor
did
he try. He didn't bother to hide it as his voice started to crack
either. "Oh god Quatre! He... He kept telling us to just
let
him die! And he hasn't woken up.... And now the hospital
called,
they said it was my choice whether to keep him on life support or not,
and....." Duo's throaght closed up as the tears started to come
faster,
strangled sobs now the only thing that could leave his mouth.

"Duo, I need you to calm down,
ok? Can you do that for me, just
calm down Duo. Trowa and I are gonna drive down there, and we'll
all go to the hospital together ok? You don't have to make a
choice
now Duo, we can wait. They can't rush you, this is something you
have to think about okay?"

"Ok, please, hurry, Quatre,
hurry."

~~oOo~~

(Heero's POV)

I need to die. I think I'm
getting closer to waking up.
I don't know how I know I'm not dead, I just know I'm not. It
hurt
more than this last time. It hurts to die, I know that! And
I don't hurt. Well, I don't hurt physically. I still can't
stop thinking about it all! The little girl, Duo, what Relena
thinks,
all of it! My training, Odin Lowe, it was my fault they all
died!
All of those innocents! If it weren't for me... None of this
should
have happened, none of it!

I don't want to wake up, I
don't. If I wake up, they're going
to ask questions. Questions I don't have answers to. I
don't
know why I want to die. True, I want the pain to stop, but,
there's
more. I don't know what it is, but there's more, I know there
is.
There has to be.

Every once and a while I can hear
Duo's voice, soft. So soft that
I can never make out what he's saying, but that I can still distinguish
it's his voice. Isn't that odd, how you hear something, but not
what
it is?

That's one reason why I'm afraid I
might be waking up. I want
to stay here forever, if I'm not going to die. I don't want to
have
to look at you, to know you're disgusted with me. You're
Catholic,
or Christian or something right Duo? Isn't that why you have that
cross? You should hate me, and shove me down with all those
people
who ever hurt you, that handbook says Suicide is wrong, right? I
know the Bible doesn't, J made me read that. I never said a thing
about homosexuality, suicide or any of those controversial subjects.

I wonder if you believe all that
stuff duo? I don't. I believe
in myself, he told me to live by my feelings. But my feelings are
so painful, they make me want to die, not live, he couldn't have meant
this. But I have nothing to smile about! I just don't
understand,
I don't.

~~oOo~~

(No POV)

"Mr. Winner? Yes, I can
completely understand Mr. Maxwell's state.
If you'll follow me?"

"Marry! Marry wait!
Are these the people for that
teenager?"

"Is there something wrong with
Heero?" Duo seemed to clutch to
Trowa as if the second he let go the floor would drop out from under
him.
Tears were still streaming down his face as he stared at the new face.

The nurse smiled sweetly as she
locked eyes with Duo, "If you'll follow
me, your friend is waking up, sir."

It seemed as if Duo suddenly
couldn't breath, and perhaps he couldn't,
because it was then that he collapsed in Trowa's embrace. And
what
better place to faint than a hospital?

The two nurses rushed to the
braided boy and were helped by Quatre and
Trowa to get the boy to a bed. He would be taken care of as The
two
remaining ex-pilots followed Marry into an elevator to see Heero.

"Do you think we should call
Wufei?"

"Yeah, but let's leave Relena for
now. Heero doesn't need too
many people here after all."

The nurse politely stayed out of
their conversation and led them down
a few corridors to a double room to see Heero. Heero was still
asleep
when they got there, and the curtain was drawn around his bed.
Quatre
had just finished his call to Wufei as he reached the bed, ignoring the
other occupant of the room who was asleep them self.

"Is he going to wake up soon, you
think?"

"Quatre, for all we know he could
have been awake these last three days.
Don't you remember what Duo told us when he helped get him out of that
building after they first met?"

"Yeah.... I wonder if he was
trying to kill himself then too?"

"Heero? Heero, we need you
to open your eyes."

The nurse walked out of the room
letting the two talk to Heero alone.

~~oOo~~

(Heero's POV)

I can hear that weird voices thing
again. Except this time I think
It's Trowa. Well, I know it's not Duo. That much is
obvious.
I can't wake up, if I do, well I don't know what will happen. But
it's like I have absolutely no control anymore. My body is waking
up and there's nothing I can do about it.

It's getting brighter, even though
I know my eyes are closed.
I can here the voices more clearly now.

"Trowa, do you think Duo is going
to be alright? I hope he hasn't
kept himself up worrying for days."

"Of course he has Quatre.
This is Duo, you know how he feels about
Heero! He needs him just as much, as it's now very obvious, Heero
needs Duo. Why else do you think he passed out? He's
relieved
that Heero's not a vegetable!"

"Yeah, I suppose so. Trowa,
do you think.... Heero? Heero!"

Uhg.... It so bright, what
are they saying about Duo? It
must be how much he hates me, right? Why did he pass out?
God
I hate hospital rooms, there's so much white. White is NOT a
relaxing
color. I think I might be sick. My head hurts so much....

Leaning over the side of the bed
as much as my sore body would allow
I emptyied my stomach, I just felt so awful! Talk about a warm
welcome
back to the living.

"Oh, Heero! Heero, are you
alright? Trowa go find a nurse!
Heero, can you hear me?"

God, I wish he would stop yelling!

"...tre?"

Alright, alright, you two need to
get out of here for a few moments."
(2)

It's strange, for some reason now,
I want to see Duo. I sent all
that time scared, and I still am, but I want to see him! Maybe
it's
because he passed out, I do want to know if he's alright, where are you
Duo?

TBC

1)
I couldn't think of a good name and I read this in a fic awhile
ago. I think it was Keara's 'Desires and Deceptions' But I
could be wrong.

2) Ya know, they probably
wouldn't have let them be in there
until after he woke up huh? Oh well, I'm not the first one to
make
the mistake.
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Tourniquet