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Unsettling Affairs	By : xkesshoux Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1906 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Each
individual chapter will have a different rating, different pairings,
different spoilers, and a different setting and timeline. Multiple
people were involved in writing this fic, I do not claim to have
written anything other than my own characters. I do however claim to
have come up with the plot, story idea, and organizing it all. The
others who write characters in this fic are well aware that I am
posting it, and contribute willingly. This fic is an ongoing project
with an unknown number of parts, with alternate storyline as of the
fifth laboratory incident. Enjoy!

Practical
Joke Gone Wrong: Sensei Style

Rating:
PG13
Pairings: Implied RoyxEd, admitted affections in
the RoyxEd direction.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Roy and
Izumi were written by my friends, plot written by me. It's like a
collaboration fic.
Spoilers: If you don't know about Ed and
Al's sensei, this is spoiler material.
Setting: Roy's
office, Central City.
Timeline: About a week after Ed
stormed out of Roy's office.

Roy
Mustang shifted the cold compress on his jaw and sighed.

It had
been a long week. All weeks were long weeks, actually, but this
particular one had been... longer than usual. The absence of a
certain loud-mouthed chaos-causer might have contributed to the
seemingly incredible slowness with which the hours inched by, but Roy
Mustang was not dwelling on that absence. No, not at all. In fact,
his mind was perfectly free of thoughts of Edwa--of that nuisance.

That
blond, annoying, somehow attra--uh--er, that ... nuisance.

Having
left Al behind with Izumi(maybe that wasn't such a good idea,
Ed...really...), Edward Elric shrugged off his escorts and kicked
open the office doors, shuffling inside and otherwise trying to act
morose just a bit too hard.

The truth
was he was actually almost thankful to Ro--that bastard of a Colonel
for busting him out of the hellish grasp that belonged to his former
sensei. Almost.

From
behind his desk, Roy shifted into Glare Mode. He remained frostily
silent as the Fullmetal Alchemist seated himself in front of the
desk, waiting for the younger man to become sufficiently
uncomfortable enough to break the silence first.

Of
course, Ed wasn't going to give that satisfaction to the arrogant
sonofabitch in front of him. Not at all.

Instead,
he stood back up and leaned over across Roy's desk with That Grin on
his face. "Soooo....didja miss me, Taaaiiisa?" It was
mocking, it was talking down to a superior, and it was everything
that he shouldn't have been doing. But he did it anyway, and hell if
he didn't love every second of it and every silky little sickeningly
friendly-chatter word that slipped off of his tongue.

"Sit,"
Roy said shortly, barely hiding the wince that talking with his
stitched lip induced. "Now."

"Naaaaa....whyyyyy....am
I bothering you, Roy....?"

Ed could
practically feel the tension in the room grow heavier with each word,
and he leaned further, closer to Roy, That Grin still in place, but
growing wider and more cattish with each twitch of the Colonel’s
features.

Roy
twitched. What the hell was that bastard playing at...? "Sit."

Ed still
ignored the order, instead climbing up onto Roy's desk and crawling
closer, not quite uncomfortably close just yet, but close enough to
feel the cold that filtered through the air from the compress on the
man's cheek.

"Ooooh
so you want me to play doggie, neee?" That grin couldn't
possibly get any wider.

"I
want to play sitdownrightnowbeforeIhaveyoucourtmartia

led,"
Roy breathed, eyes blazing.

Ed
scooted forward a bit more, fiery gold staring directly into fiery
black as the tips of their noses touched. Gloved right hand reached
up and lightly brushed unfeeling fingertips across the still swollen
jaw of his superior, down just a bit to press lightly at the stitched
lower lip.

"Does
it hurt much?" Edward was surprised at how genuine that sounded,
if he didn't know himself he'd think he really was worried
about the man.

"Show
your contrition," Roy gritted, dark eyes glittering strangely.
"Sit. Now."

"Give
me a reason to and I will...and don't say you'll court-martial me
because I'm pretty sure you're already having that taken care of as
we speak anyway." Golden eyes had a bit of something else in
them that Ed would've completely denied had he seen it there himself.

"Does
it hurt much?" The blonde alchemist repeated his question, still
not making any move to be seated.

"No.
Now sit. Because I want you to." The black haired man pulled
back, away from Edward's hand.

"Liar..."
Ed scooted up to the edge of the desk and leaned forward still,
almost to the point of leaning dangerously far.

"I'm
sorry..." That was too genuine, Ed thought...what was he doing?

"You're
going to fall. Sit." Roy's annoyance started to show, his bland
expression losing hold.

Almost
there...

The lack
of that grin now should've been a flashing light though, but Ed
didn't even notice that his expression had changed, eyes softer,
slightly out of focus and glazed. "Neee....Taisa....I'm really
sorry..."

Edward
reached out to touch Roy's face again, leaning to the point where it
could be called dangerous without a doubt.

Roy
abruptly surged up to a standing position, knocking the chair away in
his haste as he stared down at the young alchemist. "What are
you doing?"

"Eyaah!"

At Roy's
abrupt motion, Ed tilted just that tiny bit more that crossed the
line, and gravity had a field day.

One
Fullmetal Alchemist, affected by gravity, did the one thing that his
disoriented mind could think of, and grabbed on to the nearest object
to keep from falling.

Said
nearest object, however, just so happened to be Roy Mustang, and,
also affected by gravity, this ended up with the Taisa going down
too.

All in
all, it painted a very awkward picture were somebody to walk
in on them just then. Edward Elric was looking a bit flustered and
was breathing a bit quickly due to the scare, hair a bit of a
disarray, laying on top of Colonel Roy Mustang, partially hidden
behind his desk, with papers on said desk strewn everywhere and very
much a mess.

Roy
flinched as unexpected bits of anatomy settled onto various other
unexpected bits of anatomy. He shoved at Edward. "Didn't I tell
you you'd fall, idiot? Damn, you're heavy. Must be all that automail.
Now get off."

Izumi
knocked on the door, pretty sure that her scapegrace stu- er, well,
former student was behind there. She heard a grown man squeak
something suspiciously like "...you doing?!" After
that, she heard a boyish squeak and two bodies land heavily on the
floor. She got very very worried. She knocked harder and
opened the door.

Gold eyes
noticed the movement at the door, traveling along the floor to meet a
pair of sandal-clad feet...and the bottom of a white....oh...shit....

"EEEEIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAA!!!!"

Making
matters worse, Ed's 'Izumi-mode' had kicked in, causing him to cling
to Roy for dear life, most likely far more tightly than could
possibly be comfortable, as his brain was hoping that somehow he
might meld with Roy and disappear if he could maybe just hide his
head in Roy's jacket.

Roy
suddenly found his airway constricted by a certain alchemist's
vise-like grip. He choked incoherently, attempting to shove Edward
off.

Admittedly,
Izumi had seen a lot of really horrendous things in her life. But
nothing had even come close to preparing her for seeing her student,
hell, her adoptive son in a position like that with a grown
man!

It took
her a few moments to get the speech portions of her brain back up
online and functional but when it did, her roar nearly shattered the
window.

"EDWARD
ELRIC, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Hidemehidemehidemehidemehidemehidemehid
eme!!!" Ed was whimpering as he clung to Roy's clothes,
wriggling like mad as what could be classified as The Most Terrified
Look Ever suddenly was given to Roy, combined with the Dear God
Please Save Me DO SOMETHING! look.

Black
eyes glazed over momentarily as bits of Edward that Roy would really
not rather be rubbed against him made prolonged contact.

"Uh,"
Roy said, intelligently.

Izumi
stalked over, rather red in the face (embarrassment? or rage? find
out next time...). Giving that scary, mad-alchemist-sensei
who's-probably-more-than-just-slightly-i nsane look that she was so
good at, she reached down, seized the back of Ed's coat and peeled
him off the Colonel.

"Edward.
What. The. Hell. Were. You. Just. Doing."

"MEEEEEEEEEP!"
Ed's arms were flailing, reaching out to Roy with a desperate cry for
help. Words were still failing him at the moment, and suddenly his
brain registered something. Something that made him go completely
stock-still and stiff.

You
know...that...felt kinda nice...

"Uh,"
said Roy again. He felt as if thoughts were percolating very slowly
back into his brain. He groped for the edge of the desk, found it,
and pulled himself up with a groan. Damn pointy automail, digging
into soft bits... Ugh...

Deciding
that having both miscreants in her firm grasp would probably be the
best thing at the moment, Izumi switched Ed over into her other hand
and grabbed Roy's shaggy black hair. She bent him back over so she
could glare scarily into his eyes.

"AND
YOU. Letting, no, encouraging him like that! What the hell
were you thinking!?"

"Encouraging?"
Ninja housewife looked decidedly more imposing when one was staring
at her upside-down, livid face, her dreadlocks trembling in rage. Roy
wondered whether he'd hit his head in that last fall. The woman
actually thought he was encouraging Elric to...?

Ed let
out a pained squeak involuntarily at seeing Izumi drag Roy into this,
and something inside him made him think crazy things, like....

"Sensei
it's not his fault!"

What.
The. Fuck. Ed did you just cover for ROY MUSTANG?!

Well, Roy
was definitely hallucinating, because he just heard Edward squeak
in his defense. Any second now, he'd wake up in his large, empty bed,
in his large, empty house, sweating and swearing never to let Hughes
wheedle him into that fourteenth beer ever again.

Izumi
slowly turned her Freezing Glare of Doom on her student. "Are
you saying that YOU moved on MUSTANG?" she asked in a glacially
calm voice. "Not only are you suggesting that you expect me to
believe this, but you're saying that YOU were encouraging HIM?"

She
tightened her hold on both men, heroically resisting the urge to mash
their heads together and be done with it.

Ed?
You're a fucking idiot.

Swallowing
hard, Ed could just manage a pitiful squeak. He nodded quickly, while
something back in his head was yelling at him to deny deny deny
DEFUCKINGNY!

The
freakish woman was talking, but Roy's mind was occupied with
replaying the past few minutes' events. With color commentary, and
then some.

He
resisted the urge to ask her why she was in his office. Obviously,
Scary Woman had come Because She Wanted To, and she wasn't going to
leave until She Wanted To.

A very
small voice suggested that perhaps that idea wasn't quite manly. He
stomped on the voice until it whined, pleaded for mercy, screamed
bloody blue murder, then finally fell silent.

Izumi's
hands tightened even further on Ed's jacket, choking him, and
tightening her grip on Roy's shaggy hair, probably ripping quite a
few out in the process. "Will someone explain this to me BEFORE
I make you beg for mercy?"

A tiny
crack in the calm voice.

Begging
for mercy was becoming more and more attractive by the second. Roy
cleared his throat, licked his lips. "Perhaps if you released
me... ma'am?"

"Give
me one good reason, pedophile. I didn't exactly see you trying to
dissuade my student."

Ed choked
out the first thing that came to his mind, which, surprisingly,
wasn't anything to do with the situation at all, wasn't a plea for
his life, and wasn't something about his height.

"Gomen....nasai....Taisa..."
Golden eyes brimmed with unshed tears, looking straight at Roy,
painful, pleading, and something else, though Ed would deny ever
having looked so pitiful later.

The older
man closed his eyes to Edward's expression.

"Ma'am.
Major Elric... fell. You arrived at an inconvenient juncture in time
and jumped to conclusions. I am certainly not a pedophile. Please
release me."

Thankfully,
Roy's ability to bullshit wasn't affected by the useless state of his
brain--must be all that military experience....

Izumi
smelled a rat. A big, fat, ugly, stinking one. And she was good at
noticing bullshit, especially from small, spiky alchemists and army
brass. "Uh-huh. You just made all my garbage alarms ring,
boyo. If you're going to screw him into another plane of existence,
at least ask first, h'm?" She wiggled his head a bit for
good measure. "You're as hard as a rock, boy."

Cue
incredibly stark plain anime shock face here.

Edward
Elric probably could not turn a brighter shade of red as he was just
then, his entire body going limp like a wet noodle, and by the
amazing laws of anime, seeming to take on the same consistency, as he
slipped like an oily shrimp out of Izumi's grasp and to the floor in
a pile of thoroughly embarrassed Ed goo.

For a
minute, all Roy could do was sputter. Which was, actually, quite
comical, seeing as he was sputtering upside-down.

"Ma'am--that--you--no--I--you've
got it all wrong," he wailed uncharacteristically.

Ignoring
Ed (seeing as he wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon – he
was still in a moist, mumbling heap) Izumi gave Mustang the full
benefit of her Look Forecasting Hell and Damnation. "What, pray
tell, do I have wrong? You're obviously... ahem... and in my
considerable experience, that means one thing. And you're not the
pure-and-squeaky-clean-innocent type, either."

"My
physical state is none of your business," Roy managed, with as
much dignity as he could muster. Not that it matters--now that the
humiliation is taking effect, you've taken care of that little
problem for me... "You have trespassed in my office for no
apparent reason and physically and verbally assaulted me and my
subordinate."

Izumi
snorted. "Are you trying to intimidate me? It's not working very
well. And I haven't assaulted you yet, not by a long chalk.
This is merely... enforcing a lesson."

Ed sat
up, staring at Roy in disbelief.

Think
about it, Edward. You were WRIGGLING.

Things
like that HAPPEN because of WRIGGLING.

That does
NOT mean a DAMN thing about Mustang's feelings.

Ed felt
the sudden urge to scream bloody murder and get as far away from Roy
as possible. FAST.

"And
that lesson would be...?" The effect of Roy's coolly arched
eyebrow was somewhat lessoned by... you guessed it, the fact that he
was still upside-down. Damn freak-woman.

Izumi
sighed. "Oh, for crying out loud. We've freaked out my student.
Ed, go get some ice, while I talk to your... commanding officer."

She
smiled at him. "It's perfectly normal, kiddo." She released
Mustang. "We'll talk about that as soon as Ed leaves."

Ed nodded
dumbly and got shakily to his feet, wandering to the small icebox at
the other end of the room and getting some ice, why, he didn't know,
what for, he didn't know. But he did know that his brain had kicked
into 'dowhatIzumisaysandnothingbadwillhappen' mode.

Roy
twitched. "We"? All I did was act as a landing pad for
that insubordinate Edwa--Elric. For that Elric boy.

And then,
a touch petulantly, he thought: It wasn't my fault he was
wriggling...

Izumi
spoke gently, realizing the fragile nature of her spooked student's
feelings. "Now, Ed. Listen to me. Go down to the mess hall and
get a jar of pickle juice. Drink it slowly. In small sips. Got that?"

Once
again, Ed nodded dumbly, still with ice in hand, melting sort of, as
he turned and walked in a rather zombie-esque state out of the room.

Dark
brows knit together. "Pickle... juice?" Roy said,
mystified.

"Yes,
pickle juice. Cures everything from tummy aches, sore throats, and
the sniffles to broken hearts. I learned that from my husband."

"...I
see."

Obviously,
the woman was insane. Escape would have to be attained even earlier
than previously estimated.

"Don't
even think about running, Mustang. I can keep you in one place by
force, but you won't like it. And, quite frankly, neither will I."

"Why
would I ever think of leaving the company of a lady so gracious and
lovely?" Roy rolled his eyes in what he hoped was a charming
way. The blood was starting to build up in his head--he hoped she'd
lessen her grip soon...

She
snorted. "Very slick. If I let you go, will you sit down in a
chair and listen to me?"

"Yes.
And I will also not pass out from uneven blood flow." He
attempted a smile.

Izumi
lifted her eyebrows. "Save it for the women, Slick. I'm
married." She let him go. "Sit."

Roy sat.
Ours is not to question why...

He looked
at Izumi expectantly, eyebrows raised. "Well?"

It was
just then that Edward walked back into the room, as though nothing
had happened, and flopped down on one of the plush leather couches.
"Oi, baka Taisa...what's my next assignment so I can leave this
place and not deal with you anymore?"

Izumi
perched on Roy's desk, playing with a paperweight. "To tell you
the honest truth, I couldn't care less what Ed did in his spare time.
Or who, but I see that comments like that make you uncomfortable."

She
transmuted the paperweight into a model of a squid.

"On
second thought I'll take that to go." With a raised finger and a
pointedly averted gaze, Ed promptly got to his feet, spun around, and
walked right back out the door.

"You
both need psychiatric help," Roy muttered, sinking lower in the
chair. This was shaping up to be the most bizarre day of his life...

"Let
him go. He just got a little mixed up. He likes you, he thought you
liked him, now he's of the opinion that you had a purely physical
reaction to him. And, understandably, he's bummed." Izumi
shrugged. "I don't really expect you to care. After all, it's
not your problem, is it." She transmuted the squid into a chibi
Ed.

"...Um."
Roy gazed up at her, face twisted into an expression of utter
confusion.

The
self-proclaimed housewife considered bouncing the paperweight off of
Mustang's forehead, but decided not to. "You're very dense, you
know that?"

"...No?"
Roy could feel the blood rising to his face. Ugh, Mustang,
blushing. You've sunk so low in the world.

Izumi's
mouth quirked in amusement at the blush rising in his face. "Fine.
I'll spell it out. He likes you. He thought you liked him. Now he
thinks that you had a... reaction to his movement against you. Now
he's embarrassed for saving your ass from a (in my opinion)
well-deserved beating."

Roy
licked his lips. "He... shouldn't be. I didn't... It wasn't my
intention to embarrass him. And it really was an accident."

"I
don't doubt that. The scrapes he gets into are appalling in their
size and scope. This probably stemmed from some juvenile trick. But
what I want to know is your feelings for him."

Dark eyes
cut to the left. "Immaterial," Roy muttered, "As even
if attraction theoretically exists, it will never be acted upon."

Izumi
poked Mustang in the chest with a finger. "Cut the crap, kiddo.
Do you like him or not."

Roy
sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he would never again
have dignity, ever. "Yes. I do. But he's very young, and very
not right for me, and very my subordinate."

The
female alchemist settled back, regarding the Colonel thoughtfully.
"Well, I can understand the too young. Subordinate can pose a
problem, but you can be discreet. Why is he 'very not right'?"

"He
needs... someone... understanding." Roy shifted under Izumi's
gaze. To have something other than a glare directed at him by that
woman was unnerving. "Someone who can take time out for him.
Someone less... busy, ambitious."

Izumi's
eyebrows twitched up. "What makes you think he's any less driven
than you are? He hasn't given himself a break since his mother died.
He's been running full tilt since the failed human transmutation.
He's been through hell and back." She deposited the chibi Ed
paperweight into his lap.

"Which
is precisely why he needs someone to care for him," Roy
answered. He ran a finger along one of the paperweight's smooth
ridges absently, tracing the tiny face.

"He
has Al. He has us. He has Pinako and Winry." The alchemy teacher
ran a hand through her dreadlocks. "Any more 'care', and he'd go
nuts."

Roy
half-smiled. "You remain unconvincing. I mean--just because you
can doesn't mean you should."

"Oh,
get off your high horse," Izumi said irritably. "You care
for him, right?"

"Right,"
he said, smiling oddly into the middle distance.

Izumi
rubbed her forehead. "Now I know why he was always venting about
you. It's like talking to a brick wall." She hopped down from
the desk.

"A
brick wall usually doesn't whine," Roy pointed out, watching her
warily.

The woman
smiled wryly. "True. But think from Edward's view for a second.
Selfishly, if you will."

Roy made
no reply, just looked down at the small figurine that he was still
absently holding. He set it carefully down on his desk.

What an
unfamiliar position. For once, he was the one on the chair being
interrogated.

"Well?
In instances like this, holding out is the worst possible thing.
Either tell him and tell him to forget, or tell him and teach him."

"Thanks
for the advice," Roy said, gazing up at this vessel of
entirely-too-sudden mood swings. "I'll keep it in mind. Weren't
you here for something originally...?"

"M'hm.
I came here to request a leave for Edward. He's under a great deal of
stress. I'd like him to come back to Dublith so we can go over some
bits of alchemy that I've dug up.

"It
would be a nice change for the boy."

One Izumi
Curtis watched Mustang carefully, wary for any hints of antagonism.

"Fine,"
Roy acquiesced, waving a hand. "Consider it done. Take him and
go. You can have your alchemy, bonding, whichever time; I can mull
over what you said. Everyone is happy. Now, please, get him out of
Central before I kill either him, you, or myself."

Izumi
grinned. "Oho. Losing your composure so soon? I'm disappointed.

"Anyway,
thank you. I would bow, but I usually start coughing up blood, and I
don't want to do that on your upholstery." She bobbed her head
politely. Turning for the door, she paused briefly. "We're
having a potluck dinner on Wednesday, if you'd like to drop by for a
night."

She was
gone.

Roy
pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a massive headache.

After a
while, he rose as well, and, leaving the massive piles of unsigned
papers untouched on his desk, quietly left the room.

He was
going home, to think, and sleep, and plan.

Please
review, constructive criticism and questions appreciated, flames will
be deflected back at you by Roy. n.n;
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Unsettling Affairs