Stargazer

Author’s note: The day is coming to a close and I fear that I have only just discovered the material for chapter 4 in my head! Let’s see how it turns out, shall we? A thank you to my new reviewers and for the continued support of others. I feel so special. ^__^ There will be a switching of POV later on in this fic... because in the last chapter I did that for a paragraph (I think) and it drove me nuts. so officially–

when you see this “============” anywhere in the fic, that means that the point of view shifts to the other person, m’kay? Without the quotation marks though, of course.

Disclaimer: I own no part of DBZ whatsoever and regret this knowledge every day. *sigh*


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Chapter 4

The prince heard the words with his own ears and yet he was still completely mystified by them. Leaving? At what point in time did he come to this decision? But no matter. It just, felt right, even as he stated them. The ouji had thought about it for years, but he’d never really taken the time to work out the finer points such a drastic change would entail. Sure, he had the means to attain a standard quality ship; if there was one thing the onna was good for, it was giving an amazing deliverance where technology was concerned. Upgrading it for a journey would be no problem. There were places where he was welcome even now, allies that had not forgotten the pact that they made with the fiery saiyajin decades ago when the Planetary Wars were at their height of feverent combat, whether for or against the white demon. He thought it would actually be an easy plan to follow through with...

“I am talking about getting off this blue gem and going somewhere else, Kakarotto.” he replied, turning to glare at the other who at the moment had a look of shock and disapproval clearly etched upon his face. What should it matter to him anyway?! “Somewhere up there...” he waved a hand vaguely up at the now baby blue sky. “Away.”

“Leaving. You’re going to leave.” The earth saiyajin repeated back, sounding dazed and a little awed.

“Hn.” the prince confirmed, raising a delicate eyebrow and giving a feral grin, baring his sharp, perfect teeth. “Is there a problem with that?” The challenge was plainly stated. The smaller man was daring him to try and stop him. If he wanted to go then nothing would keep him from doing so, not even the man that had somehow become his lover. A thought kept surfacing and making a nuisance of itself, however, try as he might to forget it. It really bugged him, made him doubt his declaration considerably. When exactly had he decided to do this, if at all, and why? Really, what were the reasons for his sudden proclaimed departure? He shook his head to clear it temporarily of the nagging questions and stared levelly at the other, waiting.

Goku blinked and simply stared, his brow furrowing. What was Vegeta talking about? Why in God’s name would he want to do something like that? He’d thought that they were making good progress until his episode, and he didn’t even remember having it. Could this be an after affect of the obvious trauma that he had suffered not an hour before? He knew that the other wasn’t the most stable person in the world, but he wasn’t crazy. His mind was brilliant, and his accuracy and cold, calculating tendencies were unrivaled save for himself. What could be causing his prince to behave in such a way? But he wouldn’t get upset just yet... there had to be a logical explanation for all of this.

“Okay, Vegeta.” He said slowly, resuming his seat on the fallen log where he had kept watch all night and motioning politely for the other to sit beside him. “Mind if I inquire a bit as to why?”

The ouji eyed him uncertainly. So... he was going to accept it, just like that? He couldn’t explain it, but he felt a twinge within his chest. Painful. Growling under his breath at the sensation, he did not take the offered seat but instead remained on his feet with his arms crossed a stance that he was familiar with. Why in the world would he feel-hurt- that the other was going to let him leave without a fight? Vegeta smirked to himself, musing.

‘Because he damn well knows that I will do what I like, regardless. Hm... perhaps he has learned something after all. Never interfere with my affairs.’ the notion allowed him to block out the feeling, but somehow he knew that it was still there, lingering, as if it had submerged itself beneath the surface and was waiting to make itself known again. His sleek tail unwound itself from about his waist and snapped angrily at the air. Why was he even experiencing it in the first place?! Weakness! He was becoming too soft, too sentimental!

Goku noted the change in behavior but said nothing about it. The emotions that the other was experiencing were beyond him. What was going on with him? He was beginning to tire of having so many unanswered questions floating around in his mind. He would have answers, one way or another.

‘There is no need to use force, now...’ he reminded himself. ‘At least not yet.’ if there was one thing he knew for certain, however, it was that Vegeta would not be leaving him. He would make sure of it.

“What is it now, fool?!” hissed the prince, adopting an air of hostility. A low rumbling carried behind the speech, helping the illusion of anger and annoyance. Goku was becoming a little annoyed, himself. He stared at the smaller one, taking in the way that he stood with such confidence, like he was in the center of his element. Too bad the act was wasted on him. He wasn’t buying. Come to think of it, the tall saiyajin couldn’t recall any time before when he had; he had always been able to see through it, though more so at certain times than at others. Vegeta smelled faintly of uncertainty, he could almost see the indecision written across his forehead. The fact that he seemed unsure and bothered calmed him somewhat.
“What made you decide that you wanted to leave? Is it one thing, or numerous things, or are you just tired of remaining in one place for so long?” the earth saiyajin asked, clasping his fingers together and giving the prince the same open stare that he himself was receiving.

The tip of the smaller man’s tail twitched. He cast his glare out into the dense foliage and closed his eyes, tilting his head back to catch some of those first warm rays of sunlight. What indeed? He certainly couldn’t give the other a valid answer when he could not even give himself one.

“Because... I feel like it.” he stated matter of factly.

“You know I’m not going to accept that as an excuse, Vegeta.” came Goku’s level reply. The prince was still avoiding his stare.

The ouji rounded on him, the comment giving his anger what it needed to flare to life. “You are not my keeper, Kakarotto.” he ground out through gritted teeth. “Whether I come or whether I go, that is my choice. If I tell you that I want to go, then it is my decision to make! Not yours, not ours! Mine.” At the last, he met the other’s obsidian eyes with his own of black light.

‘What is it you, anyway.’ he added silently.

“You know what I think, Vegeta? I think that even you don’t know why.” He stood and took a step toward the other. “I think,” another step forward “that you are confused and unsure. You haven’t a clue as to the reason why you want to do this. Well? Am I right?” his last stride brought him within two feet of the untamed prince and he simply stood there, peaceful. He gave him a kind expression to soften the accusations.

Vegeta snarled, snapping his furred appendage like a whip. “Yes, yes! You are right! There, happy now?! I don’t know why, but...” he stopped in mid sentence.

“Hmm?” the tall saiyajin prompted. Inwardly, he breathed a great sigh of relief. He thought that he was winning, but all the same, he would remain on guard in case the other insisted upon the matter. His suspicions had in fact been confirmed; the ouji didn’t know what he was saying. Be that as it may, however, he didn’t think that a trivial thing like not having a good reason for doing something would stop him if he was dead set on it. It was another worry to add to a list that always seemed to be lengthening. “But, what?”

“I almost feel like I need to. Like, something unpleasant will result from my not leaving... it’s something akin to a compulsion, I’d say. It’s as if– as if– I must do this to prevent something from happening. From going wrong or something like that.” secretly, he had the impression that he already knew what the ‘something’ was, but for the life of him he couldn’t have said. He felt, and with a growing dread, that this whatever it was had to do with the other saiyajin. He didn’t want it to be so; there was nothing that he could ever do that would make him feel that he had to act upon a random decision as drastic as this, but still... it couldn’t have anything to do with the other. Could it?


Even as he thought of the possibility that his need to depart involved the other, however, the more it seemed to fit, but again he did now know of a reason. It wasn’t that hard in this case to come up with one. There was only a limited selection of choices when it came to him and the earth saiyajin. One, because he was a gentle, loving baka who wouldn’t know his head from his ass, although the ouji had long since learned that it was just a facade he put on when in the presence of his so called ‘friends’. Two, because he did something to piss him off to the extent of acting upon his hidden desire. Then there was reason number three, the one having to do with the change in their relationship. Vegeta knew for a certainty that though the first bugged him to no end, it didn’t really apply to himself and thus could not be the answer. Since he was almost completely positive that Goku hadn’t done anything to infuriate him enough to push him to a decision like this that he could recall, the second was moot. It came down to the last. The one that he neither wanted it to be nor even considered a possibility. But there it was.

‘It does make sense...’ he thought. ‘Yes... it has to be it. There is no other explanation.’ So, he had pinpointed the general cause that had ultimately led to the affect, but he still couldn’t tell what exactly it was about it that drove him to feel such a need to... escape. To spare– spare whom from what? It was almost as if he were being told to do this, like something was urging him to follow through.

“Kakarotto.” He had to tell him something. He owed the man that, at least.

“I’m here.”

What, though?! What was he supposed to say? ‘Gee, sorry, Kakarotto, but I’m being driven by this mad desire to leave because of you, although I can’t figure out what it is that you did’?! Yeah, that would go over real well. The last thing he wanted to do was make him hurt any more than he already was. He knew that he wasn’t exactly being the most cooperative person on the planet. He knew that he was being deliberately difficult, but he couldn’t help himself. ‘Come on, think, dammit!’ he growled to himself.

“Kakarotto, I have to leave.”

Whatever the gentle saiyajin was expecting, this obviously was not it. Goku gasped and he felt as though the other had taken a bucket of ice water and doused him with it. He couldn’t seem to get enough air. An involuntary shiver raced up his spine, though he knew that it wasn’t the kind of cold that would be cured with a thick, warm blanket or an open, blazing fire. There was an icy, burning sensation needling at his heart and his stomach felt sort of hollow. What? Why was he still insisting upon the matter? He knew that his eyes were wide, complete surprise with a dash of hurt upon his face. He quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat.

‘Calm down, Goku.’ he told himself. ‘He must still be uncertain, that’s all. You know how much he hates not knowing things. He must still be testing the waters, searching. Don’t worry...’ but the mental talk did little to put him at ease. There was something about Vegeta that had him more than a little cautious atthis point in time. He didn’t really look like he was unsure anymore... but it was all the hope he had. His fingers tangled themselves once more with the bright orange material of his clothing, twisting nervously. He heard the sound of cloth ripping and looked down to discover that he had accidently torn a hold in the right leg of his gi pants. Sighing, he gripped his knees with his palms until the knuckles turned white. \'Nothing to worry about.\'

“Vegeta,” he began with a laugh, but he noted that it was just a tad shaky. “I thought we just went over this.” He managed a smile and shook his head, as if the prince were acting silly.

Vegeta sighed. ‘I know, Kakarotto... but I cannot ignore this.’ Right, and just what was he going to say? There was only one thing that made sense to him, that would make sense to the other, but he couldn’t make such a bold statement! Especially if he didn’t know for a fact that it was true. ‘I must, though.... I have to. I need to do this, and it would give me my needed justification. There is no other possibility...’ Inwardly he flinched at the words that were stringing themselves together, forming a statement that would inflict far too much damage, for both of them. He could feel himself being wounded just thinking about them. How could he let himself go through with it? He couldn’t...but... ‘I have to.’ he told himself.

“I know what I have to do, Kakarotto.” he said, trying to sound confident and sure and failing. The guilt that he was feeling that he knew would only worsen with time crept into his tone, the beginnings of an awful regret that he was feeling, a sense of loss that had begun to descend upon him. How could he let himself do this? “I know, now, why it is that I must to this. Who it is that I wish to be rid of.” the statement was harsh, cutting, but it wasn’t directed at the other. No, it was directed at himself.

Goku could only blink. Who he wanted to be rid of? With a horrible sinking sensation, he suddenly knew what the prince was going to say. ‘No, no, please... please don’t let that be right. He wouldn’t say that...’ he reasoned, but his mental talk had no affect whatsoever. He felt as if he were becoming smaller, or that the world was growing in size around him, making him feel tiny and insignificant. ‘Please, please...’

“And who would that be, my prince?” he whispered, not trusting himself to speak louder or say more. A fine tremor shook his hands but it was slight enough that it was east to hide. He felt as though his body were slowly going numb. ‘Don’t say it, please! It’s not true, he wouldn’t say it...’

Vegeta bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, the sweet, metallic taste invading his senses. He remembered the taste of another’s blood, just as hot, but so much more intoxicating... his mind reeled as a sensory memory loomed up and cloaked the present. Pale, taut skin. Glistening. The smell and the salty taste of sweat upon that skin. Crimson life, flowing just beneath the surface... so close... the beat of life pulsing below him, around him. The overwhelming desire to clamp his teeth around that pulse and free it, let its essence flow freely into his mouth. Biting. Blood. The nearly scalding rush that swept across his tongue and slid smoothly down his throat. The ouji jerked back from the memory, shaking. His breathing came out rasping and harsh and he slammed a mental door that the taste in his mouth had accidently opened, blocking the memories for a time.

With a fresh wave of sorrow and guilt, the smaller saiyajin opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

‘God, Kakarotto.... I’m so sorry.’

‘Please, don’t say it.’

‘But... I have to. I can’t explain it, but I must leave.’

‘Don’t. Please, let me be wrong, just this once. In this moment. Let me be wrong about this.’

‘I know that it is a lie that I tell... but I cannot see any other way...’

‘Please.... please... don’t...’

‘I am so sorry... I do not want it to be like this.’

‘Don’t say it... don’t say it, God, don’t let him say what I think he will!’

‘I know that it had a lot to do with you, but not in the way that you will believe it to be. But... I must let you believe it...’

‘Please... no...’

‘But it’s not, God it’s not you, not in this way...’

“Who, Vegeta?” Goku repeated, hearing the quaver in his voice. He hated it. He hated feeling this way! But he didn’t want to know! He just wanted to freeze time, right at this moment, so that they would never move forward. So that those next words would never have been uttered... but he didn’t have one, so he waited with his heart fluttering like a trapped bird, feeling sick and lightheaded.

The prince fisted his hands and dug his fingernails into his palms until they were trembling with the effort. He felt the warm trickles of blood as they painted a scarlet design on his palm, but it wasn’t enough. He ground his teeth and screwed his eyes shut tight, but he couldn’t turn back now. He couldn’t stop himself. He spoke, the single syllable squeezed low and painful.

“You.”



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AHH! NUU! The end of chapter 4 is at hand!!! *maniacal laughter* so, you like? ^__^ I am proud of this chapter. Forgive me for the days that it took to write. I found it much more difficult to put this scene into words that I first thought.

Pixelgoddess- well, one of the voices has to do with an outside influence, but I think it’s safe to say that it’s not in the way you’re thinking. The other... well, you’ll just have to find out. ^_~ The speech of the voices is in fact deliberate- I am glad you asked that question. There is a reason as to why Vegeta can’t remember anything. It has been a challenge trying to write about his state of mind after the fact when he has no recollection. Ah, yes, poor Goku.

Schwarzwald- Heehee. You found me out. I do love the works of pixel and chichi. ^_^ they are truly amazing authors. I think I read their stuffs a little too much. Your enthusiasm never fails to inspire me. Thank you.

Bob- Thank you very much for the review. Do not worry, I shall continue. In regards to your inquiry of ‘what’s gonna happen’ I’ve only one thing to say... stick around and find out. ^_^

Webtester01- a new reviewer! I am glad that you like my fic. I know that you take your reviews very seriously and am flattered that you enjoyed it so far.

Hitchhiker- Heehee... I dunno, sometimes it is that which is potentially the most harmful that makes the most sense to us. Goku will do his best, but we don’t know if that will be enough yet... it is true that Vegeta’s mind is not the most secure, but as to whether he is truly crazy or not is a question saved for a later chapter. ^_~ Thank you for reviewing.

Macha- Thank you for taking the time to review my fic. I know that you take your reviews very seriously as well, and I am honored to have received one from you. Yes, what is going on with Vegeta is quite a mystery as of yet, but give it a little time and all will reveal itself... however long that may take.



I cannot tell you when to expect another chapter. ::dodges a random glare:: Sorry! ^^’ I’ve been all alone in my house for the past week watching my younger sister and her friend. My parents are coming back tomorrow and from there on computer time will be a lot harder to come by. Maybe I’ll continue to write in a notebook... hmm... Until then, be safe and enjoy life!