The Phoenix and His Demons

So far this story has been a lot of fun to write and I haven\'t even gotten to any smut yet. Amazing. I\'ll be updating the warnings and ratings as I go along. There\'s no sense in putting them all up there when it\'s not yet in the story.

This chapter was a lot of fun to write, mostly because it\'s all Edward\'s point of view. I switched from third person to a pseudo first person on this one because you can\'t have Edward even remotely thinking about dealing with Mustang without being in his head to a degree to experience some of the ranting. I know that\'s not necessarily proper story etiquette but in this instance I think it works.

PLEASE REVIEW!!! I cannot stress enough how Important it is to offer reviews. I know too many good writers that have simply given up on their stories because they felt no one was reading it, so please take the thirty seconds to drop them a line.

With all that said, standard disclaimers and all that jazz...On with the story!

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General Jackass

The young alchemist sighed as he headed towards Central Headquarters, having tucked his hair up under his hat just in case someone meandering around the building caught sight of him. It wasn’t going to be easy to sneak into the building but then, he was the Fullmetal Alchemist, nothing could ever keep him out of a place he wanted to get into. There were too many guards at the front and side doors so he had to improvise. Finding a spot out of direct view of the patrols, he knelt down and formulated his plan. His mind made up, he clapped his hands together and placed them against the wall sending sparks of alchemical energy flowing up the side of the building as he created a makeshift ladder. That done, he simply climbed up to the roof and then got rid of the ladder before he searched out the door that would lead him into the upper offices. It was locked, but that wasn’t even a minor challenge so soon he was making his way through the offices, creeping around like some burglar. Ha, wouldn’t Psiren die laughing if she saw him now. Oh well, those thoughts needed to be saved for later, he had to find the damn Colonel’s office. “Hmm. Let’s see. No, no…nope, not that one. Where the hell is this bastard’s office?” He muttered softly to himself as he passed each door until finally he came to a name he recognized. Major Riza Hawkeye. It was on a nameplate outside a larger door. That Had to be it, except… The young alchemist reached for the door, preparing to open it when he read the plate across it. It was fair to say his eyes bugged out and his jaw hit the floor. Brig. Gen. Roy Mustang. “Oh that son of a bitch…this time I’m Really going to kill him.” He spoke a bit too loud, then clamped a hand over his mouth hoping no one heard him. “Stupid,” he chided himself. There was no one around to hear him. Well, now calling him Colonel Bastard wasn’t going to work and General Bastard just didn’t sound the same. He continued to wrack his brain as he finally opened the door and slipped inside, only to stop dead a few feet in. There, on the couch, seemingly fast asleep, was Roy Mustang. ‘What the hell was he doing sleeping at the office? He’s a god damned General now, can’t he afford a decent sized house?’ This was just getting worse.

Now he really had to creep along so he didn’t wake the man. Moving over within a few feet he removed his hat and stared down at the sleeping figure, still in his uniform. He looked like shit, to put it nicely. His skin had a shallow pallor over it and there were bags under his…eye? What the hell? An eye patch covered the upper left half of Roy’s face, perhaps only the tiniest hints of the scars underneath peered out from the edges of it. Ed couldn’t help but wonder what in the world could’ve finally gotten the better of the Flame Alchemist. The man was damn near untouchable. Unless it was raining of course.

“Roy Roy Roy…” he whispered as he picked up his bag and resisted the urge to brush fleshy fingers through his hair. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do when you wake up.” He was satisfied to see that his words hadn’t woken the man, then again he looked beyond exhausted and there wasn’t a scrap of paperwork on his desk. Either Hawkeye had been running him ragged with paperwork or…he’d been running himself ragged. The latter sounded more plausible. Figuring no one would be in for another three or four hours easy he took the liberty of sitting in the General’s chair while he scrounged through the desk. In the top drawer, he found two personnel files, a familiar silver pocket watch and a small box containing rank insignias, braids and some awards he didn’t have a clue what were for. The watch was flipped open and he couldn’t help but smile as he recognized his engraving. He’d be taking that back now. Then he turned his attention to the files. The first one made him snicker. Major Alphonse “Philosopher” Elric, State Alchemist. Oh how fitting was that? He almost couldn’t contain the laughter and had to keep looking up to make sure he didn’t wake Roy. A nod to himself as he noted the man was still sound asleep and he started flipping through the file.

It took a good twenty minutes to digest all the information. Why hadn’t they told him about his brother’s amnesia? What had happened and why did Al look so young? Okay, the last he could answer with some logic. His brother had only been ten when they’d preformed that forbidden transmutation so it wasn’t too surprising that when he got his body back it wouldn’t have been aged. He couldn’t help but wonder how Al was doing being a twenty one year old trapped in a sixteen year old’s body. Then again, from what it started Al didn’t exactly look sixteen. He was just under six feet tall, and the picture on file didn’t really look too young either. Wait a minute, almost six feet tall? Damn it! He was taller than Ed. He’d be fuming over that for a good long while. “Wonderful, just damned wonderful.” Muttering was becoming a very common habit of his. Back to the file, he checked on his little, er…younger brother’s assignments. According to the paperwork he was scheduled to return in three or four days. That was perfect since he could be here to torture him as soon as he came in to give his report. Now onto the second file.

Why didn’t it surprise him that the other file kept so handy in Mustang’s desk was his own? Lt. Col. Edward “Fullmetal” Elric. Wait a minute. Lt. Col.? When had he been promoted and how come it was only one rank? That was so unfair! When Hughes had died he’d been given two! So he was pouting as he flipped through the information. The pages were well worn, someone read through this thing quite a bit over the last few years. He found he’d been listed as missing in action and presumed dead so they were “supposed” to make him a Colonel, but, a certain General Jackass; hey that’s it, General Jackass sounded perfect. He gave a small cry of triumph at successfully updating his CO’s new nickname to fit his personality and rank. Okay, back to the file. So Mustang had requested he only be promoted one rank? Why? Oh…that’s why, so if Ed ever Did come back he could still use him in the field. Bastard. Complete Fucking Bastard. Well, at least now he knew what the deal with the braids, insignias and awards was. He paused long enough to snag those once more and placed them in his bag. He’d need them for later.

Now that his research was finished, he tucked the files away and slipped out of the office to rummage in Riza’ desk. He needed some papers to fill out, namely a contract update with a uniform exemption form, uniform request form, and a request for back pay for his new rank. Yes, that was a little contradictory but there was method to his madness. Six years was a long time he should be getting a pretty good sum. Having achieved his goal he went back into the General’s office and filled them out, signed them then frowned. Hmm, there was a slight kink in his plans. He needed Mustang’s signature too. Sighing, he laid his cheek in his right hand, tapping the fingers of his left idly on the desk as he looked around for a way out of this one. After a few moments his eyes fell on a lovely fountain pen that was discarded on the desk and he had an epiphany. Snagging the pen he used a pocketknife to scratch a transmutation circle in the plastic. When that was finished he flipped open Al’s file again, carefully traced Mustang’s signature and then took a deep breath. “Here goes nothing,” he whispered as he placed the tip of the pen on the signature line of the form he’d filled out and ran his thumb over the circle he’d inscribed. After the brief flash of light and energy he looked upon his handiwork and sure enough, there was General Mustang’s signature just as if he’d written it himself. Oh he was so dead for this, but it would be worth it. He repeated the process on the remaining forms and then placed them on Hawkeye’s desk to be filed properly and sent through all the right channels. All except the uniform form. That one he took with him as he left.

Why did he want a uniform? Mostly because the mere thought of him in one would break the General’s brain and that was always a bonus. Besides, he’d rather be the one to voluntarily put the damn thing on instead of waiting for Mustang to order him into one and he knew damn well that’s just what would happen. Checking his watch he noted that the time was just after five, so he figured he’d still have an hour before he could go see about his uniform, but then again… What the hell, he might as well go see if someone was there. After all it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do for a little while.

It wasn’t a long walk through the building and now anyone that saw him didn’t bother questioning him about where he was going, not with the glint off the chain of the pocket watch. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he strolled through hallways until he reached his destination and was rather pleasantly surprised to see a light on. Peering in, he noticed a clerk updating records of a sort so he walked up to the desk and slid him the paper with a smile. “Excuse me, would you mind filling this for me? I’m kinda in a hurry and don’t want to get yelled at by the General for showing up this morning without one.”

The poor man about jumped when he heard someone’s voice, he’d been started out of his work and hadn’t planned on seeing anyone for at least another hour. “Oh um…sure. Let me see what you’ve got there.” He picked up the paper and looked over it, humming as he did so. “Looks like everything’s in order, just let me get your size and we’ll have you all set up in no time.” That was the annoying part. He hated telling people his size because they usually snickered at him, though this time the clerk didn’t seem to be paying any attention to those sorts of details. Soon he returned with two uniforms, boots and a black overcoat. “Here you go, just sign here please and you’ll be all set.”

“Thanks.” He sighed the form, gathered up his things and headed back to the dorms to change. He’d made note of Al’s assigned room when he was flipping through the file and he figured for now it was as good a place as any to change and get cleaned up.

He indulged in a hot shower, since he’d gone three days without one, and he changed into the uniform for the first time. Looking at himself in the mirror, he frowned. “This is Not going to work, but I know how I can fix it.” Smirking, he clapped his hands together and then touched the arms of the uniform, instant alterations. He changed the jacket from the buttoning flap to a simple zip up like his black one had been, the pants were taken in a bit and more form fitting. He left the decorative skirt/flaps but altered them to fit his height and the shape of the pants so they weren’t bulging or sticking out weirdly in places. He had on a black shirt underneath that showed through if he left the jacket unzipped but for now it remained unseen. Another glance in the mirror and he nodded. “That’s much better.” It was also the reason why he’d included that exemption form so he could alter the damned thing to something he could wear and yet it would still be close enough to a regulation uniform that Mustang wouldn’t bitch at him about it. The finishing touches were added; his belt, his watch and finally the white gloves to conceal the automail arm. It was now almost seven by the time he was finished puttering around. Time to face the music and the wrath of his superior officer.

He left the jacket with his belongings in Al’s room; they’d be safe there, and headed back to wait outside Mustang’s office. It shouldn’t have surprised him that she was already there and muttering about Mustang being asleep. He cleared his voice before speaking, and immediately had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at the expression on her face. “So when did you start letting him sleep in?”

She fumbled around on the desk, knocking over a few papers as she tried stuttering out a response. “E-Ed-Edward? Oh my God, is that really you?!” Apparently military protocol didn’t apply even to her when it came to something like this for she didn’t even once think about using his rank. When she had convinced herself that he wasn’t some sort of illusion, she rushed around the desk and wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Yeah, it’s me all right.” He chuckled, happily returning the hug, “missed you too, Hawkeye. Missed all you guys. Well, almost.” Okay, so she didn’t buy that and the look she gave him said as much but he had to say it anyway.

“You look wonderful. You’ve certainly grown into a handsome young man.” Edward blushed and didn’t take insult to the “grown” part since he knew that’s not what she meant. Besides, he was a bit more mature these days and wasn’t stupid enough to turn down a compliment from a pretty lady. Well, that and while he was pretty sure she wouldn’t shoot him on his first day back, one couldn’t be sure. “And in uniform, sort of. What made you decide that?”

“Thanks, believe it or not I’m glad to be back. I thought if I was going to come back, I’d be one up on him and do it sort of voluntarily before he ordered me into it. Oh, and don’t kill me for all the forms I put on your desk.”

She gave him an odd look before going to hunt down said forms on her desk. Giving them a quick once over she rolled her eyes. “Ed,, you didn’t have him sign these, so how did you do it?”

“Do you Really want to know? I mean come on, I wanted it to be a surprise and there’s no way he’d sign those without both of us threatening his life. I’ve been gone six years, can’t you just look the other way this once, please?” He didn’t like begging, normally wouldn’t resort to it especially since he couldn’t do it anywhere near as well as Al, but it had the desired effect.

“All right, but just this once and if I ever catch you doing it again…”

“I know, I know. I’ll end up full of holes or doing something really really gross for weeks.” He kissed her cheek gratefully. “Thanks Hawkeye, you’re the best, but you didn’t’ answer my question.”

“What question? Oh, about letting him sleep? Well, sit down Ed.” He did so; a bit concerned but she definitely had his attention. “Let’s just say since you disappeared and his fight, he’s not been quite the same. Oh, don’t get me wrong he still acts as arrogant and egotistical as always but now you can tell that’s all it is, an act. The words are hollow; it’s easy to see he doesn’t mean any of it. Rather heartbreaking. I know he’s missed his arguments with you. As angry as they made you it was something for him to look forward to, you kept him on his toes. Al doesn’t do that, he doesn’t even remember those years.”

“Yeah, I read about that in his file.” He wasn’t too surprised at that little tidbit about his brother or that she didn’t go into too many details about what had happened to his eye. That wasn’t information for her to divulge though she obviously knew what happened.

“Edward, you know you’re not supposed to be looking through those.”

“Why not? I’m a Lieutenant Colonel now, can’t I look at most anything?”

She seemed a bit stumped for a few moments then nodded. “I’d forgotten about that, and wondered how you figured it out. I should’ve known you’d be as resourceful as ever.”

“I hope that’s a compliment. So how long are you going to let him sleep or you going to just let him wake up on his own so I can scare the hell out of him?”

“That’s a good question. Maybe we should let the other’s decide when they get here.”

“Well, I would be nice and offer to go fetch coffee and pastries or something but thanks to my absence I don’t have any money yet,” that was going to be rather irksome for days to come, he just knew it. “Speaking of which, how long is it going to take to get that back pay I’ve requested?”

“Well, normally it could take months but I’ll pull a few strings, “ which meant she’d be threatening to shoot a few people, “and see if I can’t get it for you sooner, maybe a week if you’re really lucky. Though you should know they might not approve all six years.”

“Yeah I know, but hell, anything is better than nothing. There’s no way I’m going to be living off Al until I get back on payroll. It’s already bad enough that people are still going to think he’s me.” He was back to pouting over the height difference between the two of them.

“I’m sure with your temper they won’t think that for long.” She chuckled while reaching over to pat his hand.

“Hmmph,” that was as good an answer as she was getting. “All right, then I’m going to go down to the mess and dig up something to eat. Don’t tell anyone till I come back okay? It’s kinda fun seeing the looks on people’s faces.”

“Yes, sir, Colonel sir.” They both had a good laugh at that before he slipped off to go get breakfast.

Too bad neither one of them noticed a certain General standing silently in his doorway gawking at the sight before him. He’d thought he’d heard a familiar voice in his dreams but had discarded it until it mixed with Hawkeye’s and then he had to investigate. Now, confronted with the truth and having witnessed one Edward Elric strolling down the hallway in uniform, no less, he was too stunned to move.

“Don’t gawk, sir. It’s unbecoming of an officer of your rank.” Sneaky wench wasn’t she? But then that’s why she was still working for Mustang; they needed someone to keep a rein on him after all.

“Major, was that…?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And was he in…?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I haven’t lost my mind then.”

“No, sir.”

“Good, then I need my coffee and have him report to me as soon as he gets back. He’s got a lot of explaining to do and forms to…”

“He’s already filled them out, sir and they’re signed.”

“What? How did…?”

“Respectfully, you don’t want to know, sir.”

“I see. Very well then.” Brigadier General Roy Mustang retreated back into his office, closing the door softly before taking a seat at his desk. He checked his top drawer and wasn’t too surprised when he found the watch and other things missing along with the files there disturbed. What he couldn’t decide was what he should do to the young man when he returned. Dress him down for going through his things or just hug the hell out of him and be grateful he was alive. It was one hell of a decision, but he finally made up his mind and for the first time in years Roy Mustang smirked and life returned to his eyes. He was going to enjoy this.