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Lonely Desire	By : Petya Category: Gundam (all others) > General Views: 12076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, less Dearka x Yzak

Disclaimer:
I don't own anything of Gundam
SEED. :( If I did it would have
been rated NC-17 (at least) and
Athrun x Kira and Dearka x Yzak
would have humped llike horny
rabbits in mating season.

Warnings: This fanfic contains
male/male relationship(s). If you don't like
such things you'd better avoid
reading it for your own
good.

Comments: The first chapter that has some plot is here. Let
me know what you think of it.

The next one will come in few days and it will
include all 6 main characters.

Chapter
FOUR

Confusions
and decisions

Why
was he here now?

Kira�s mind struggled to stay calm. He had things to
do before he opened the door. Where had he put them? The drawers of his desk
were empty. He had some distant memory they were there. Why couldn�t he find
them? He circled his cabinet searching for the photos but to no avail.

Then he remembered that last night he had prepared
them and they were on the table in the living-room. Kira
sighed in relief and headed for the said room. And there they were � more than
ten photos, all framed. And all portrayed him with a beautiful girl or the same
girl alone � smiling at the camera and waving a hand at the person behind the lens.
He inspected the pictures one last time. Everything was perfect! Even he who
knew they were all montage couldn�t say it by just looking at them.

He remembered how easy it was to create a
program that would generate an image of a girl of certain age and physical
appearance.

* flashback *

OK,
the image was ready according to the data he had supplied. Kira
loaded the image and gasped in shock. When had this happened? God, how did he
let his unconscious take over his reason. He stared at
the image. Here in front of his eyes was a perfect and unbelievably beautiful
female version of Athrun. The same blue-black strands
that he itched to bury his hands in, the piercing aqua-green eyes that invaded his
dreams and made him restless. The lips he wanted to taste and ravage till he
knew them better than his own. The brunet�s hand trembled reluctantly when he
reached to delete his unconscious slip. He started anew. And this time he tried
to think on every single trait he was to bestow on his creation. He felt like
some weird Pygmalion who had to create a beautiful and convincing person even
if only virtual.

When
the result was ready he sighed and started manipulating the pictures. Once the
whole 3D of the girl was created the rest was a child�s play. Not that he was
that troubled with this part. But he had a lot more to do�everything had to be
perfect, his friends were not stupid and his constant denial to meet them with
Ai was bound to make them more than slightly suspicious.

He had
considered hiring a girl to play the role, but she could slip or be unconvincing.
Or she could end up being a friend of a friend and all would crash on his head.
This way he would be in full control. Or at least he hoped so�

* end of flashback *

The bell rang again. Kira
hurried and set all pictures on strategic places taking extra care to be sure
they were easy to spot and drew attention then he headed for the door. There
was one more thing he had to do, but there was no time now. He would find some
way to get rid of Athrun for a second to ensure that
all is going to work out perfectly.

Athrun drew a deep breath and rang the bell.

He had no idea what he was to say to Kira but he didn�t care anymore. He just wanted to meet
with him � alone � before they left for wherever they were going. He wanted to
see the darling face.

Kira was not coming. Athrun
pressed the bell again this time holding it longer. He put his hands in his
pockets only to pull them out a second later. He bent and bragged the bag just
to occupy his hands since he had no idea why they had started to feel so awkward
and foreign all of a sudden.

The door flew open and Kira
smiled at him, but the green-eyed recognized it as a forced smile and his heart
sank. There was a time when his friend would jump at him and embrace him or at
least smile with pure happiness when they met. It was clearly not the case now.

Then Athrun�s mind
went blanc for a sec when he realized that Kira was only in his boxers, his awesome body exposed to
the hungry eyes of the younger boy. He swallowed hard and tried not to stare at
the slim and muscled body that invaded his dreams every night. He saw a
gracious hand ruffle the still wet from the morning shower hair and his heart
started beating faster in his chest trying to jump out of it and right into Kira�s hands.

�Athrun! I didn�t expect you to come, especially this
early� The words brought him back to reality. �Come in, sorry I kept you
waiting.�

�Ah�, um�, did I drag you out of the shower?�

Kira looked at himself clearly unaware of his
attire and blushed slightly. �I should apologize. I didn�t notice I was in such
condition, I was preparing my luggage and this slipped my mind. Whatever, don�t
stay at the door come in�

They headed for the living-room and there Athrun got the next blow before he had fully recovered from
the previous. Right in front of him there were plenty of pictures of his Kira with
an unfamiliar but extremely beautiful girl. He was devastated. They looked so
good together and their faces shone with such uninhibited pleasure to be in
each other�s presence that Athrun felt like an
intruder and wanted to raise his head towards the moon and wail in pain.

�Would you like a coffee, I just made it.�

�With pleasure,
thanks!� That would mean for Kira to go to the kitchen
and leave him alone. He needed some time to steady himself and prepare himself
for the next blow. He had the feeling that was not everything. And the day was
only now starting�

Kira ran to his laptop and started typing knowing
his time was short. Graceful fingers flew across the keyboard as he set the
program. Then he grabbed some clothes to put on. It was good he was so shocked
by Athrun�s arrival that his body had not reacted as
it usually did in his friend�s presence or he would have ended embarrassed or humiliated.

Athrun stared at the pictures. The girl was so
beautiful that it was no wonder Kira had fallen for
her. But what hurt more was the look in her eyes. There was a glow that spoke
volumes. Her look when she watched his beloved was so tender and full of love,
tranquility and happiness that Athrun felt like some
kind of perverted voyeur that intruded on a very personal moment between two persons
in love. How was he to fight such perfection?

He examined every feature of the girl � knee long
straight hair in light lilac colour and eyes only a
shade darker. Her body was slim and nicely curved in all the right places, her
breasts round and firm, her legs long and her hands so delicate.

�Here.� The aroma of the coffee woke him from
his daydream.

�Is this Ai, your girlfriend?� He couldn�t hold
back the question even if he didn�t want to know more about the girl. �She is
so pretty!�

�She is.� Kira�s face
had a strange distant expression that Athrun couldn�t
read. Once he would be able to know everything about his friend just by looking
at his face, which was always open and vivid.

�Tell me��

The vidphone beeped.

�Sorry� Kira looked
at him with a crooked smile, moved in the range of the camera and said �Connect!�
The phone screen came to life and there was the face that Athrun
knew would plague his nightmares from now on. He hurried to distance himself
from the camera. The girl beamed at the sight of her boyfriend.

�Kira,� her voice was
as sweet and tender as warm honey �sorry to bother you now, I know you have to
get ready, but I just wanted to wish you to spent a nice time and to remind you
to behave while you are away, or I�ll spank you when you come back� She looked
wicked when she said this.

The brunet kicked himself mentally. There�s for you hurried job. He had loaded the
wrong conversation. It fitted the situation (all that were in that folder did)
but this one was meant for Cagalli who had the bad
habit of sticking her pretty nose where it was not her business to. He wanted
to make her blush a little so that she knew not to
cross some borders. It was not intended it to be heard by Athrun,
never by him. Kira wanted to turn the line off but he
couldn�t risk rising his friend�s suspicions. He played by the earlier prepared
script. �You know I am a good boy!�

�No, you are not and that�s one of the reasons
I love you so much. I can�t wait to get my hands on you again. Especially after what you did last night.�

Even if he knew the whole conversation, Kira couldn�t stop the heat that crept on his cheeks. �I am
not alone, dear! Mind you tongue!�

�Is there someone I should
be jealous of? I am surprised you have enough energy to move this morning, let
alone do more! Besides, you know you�ll never find someone who will love you as I do.� [Pun intended]

Athrun�s cheeks burnt form the conversation he
overheard. Anger and jealousy threatened to overcome his common sense. Those
two seemed to enjoy themselves and exchanged personal jokes without even noticing
his presence. Was he such an insignificant part of Kira�s
life now? This girl had what he
wanted so desperately � Kira�s love! Or did she. Something seemed wrong even if he couldn�t put his
finger on it. Was this the type of partners his friend liked? This cheeky, teasing
girl that was nothing like the image that his mind had created based on her appearance
in the pics. Everything he heard from her infuriated
him beyond reason and he vowed that he will do whatever necessary to win the
love of the one and only for him. She didn�t seem to be for his Kira. If the brunet wanted someone more forward in his
pursuit, then Athrun would gladly throw away all
hesitation and will finally start chasing his prey with all determination.

The conversation was moving towards its end.

�I love you� came Ai�s
voice.

�I love you too. Take care!� Even if Athrun doubted the truth behind these words, it still hurt
to hear them exit the brunet�s mouth. They should have been aimed at him. His
heart hurt almost as much as when he though he had killed his best friend.

* flashback *

�If you
were his friend� why did you have to kill him? Kill because somebody was killed,
get killed because you killed! Do you think peace will come like that?�

Cagalli�s words broke the wall around his heart and all
the pain, fear, anger, love, hesitation, doubt, insecurity � all the feelings
that he kept under control overflowed him sweeping away his reasons, exposing
his raw wounds and they bled again.

Memories
of Kira smiling, thoughtful, crying, mischievous,
guilty, playful, determined, hurt, curious, innocent, flashed in his mind and
with them came the sudden realization that Kira had
always been the centre of his universe, even when they were separated. He felt
really alive only when they were together. The simple fact that his friend was
out there somewhere was enough for him. And now he was gone� And he � Athrun � was the one who wiped away that tender smile which
would bring him such pleasure. His guts clenched and he felt like throwing up.
Tears kept falling from his eyes never succeeding to wash away his guilt and selfhatred. All the colours of
his world went pale and only the black, white and the innumerate shades of gray
were left. The joy evaporated with Kira�s smile and
all that remained was sadness that enveloped him and threatened to drown him. He
couldn�t breathe. His lungs fought for air but his throat was blocked by that
enormous pain that was like palpable presence in and around him.

Why
did he realize his feeling only now, when it is far too late?

I love
you, Kira!

How
was he to keep living with the knowledge that his hands were covered with the
blood of his one great love.

I am
so sorry, I relized it so late!

Did he
want to stay alive in a world where Kira didn�t
exist?

Come
back to me�

Without Kira�

Kira~!�

* end of flashback *

�Athrun, daijobu desu ka [are you OK]? You
look pale. Did our talk disturb you? Sorry that you had to become witness to
this. Ai is like that. It�s part of her charm.� The brunet smiled at him.

�No. Daijobu desu [I�m fine]. Nothing to worry about.
I was thinking of something.�

�Oh, you wanted to ask me something before Ai
called. What was it?�

The green-eyed considered the situation and realized
that the moment was not right for grand confessions, especially after the phone
call he had overheard. Besides it was almost 10:00 and the others would come
any time. He needed to consider his course of actions and finally start walking
down the path of love. So he said.

�I want to know why recently you kept avoiding
you friends and me in particular.�

�I did not. I just have less free time lately
and when I have some I usually spend it with Ai.� Kira
tried to come up with an acceptable excuse.

�You could have taken her with you, we invited both of you on a few occasions. Think about
this, Kira. And don�t insult my intelligence with
stupid excuses, please. Think of a better lie, will you. Anyway, it�s not that
important now. I�ll give you more time to come up with something. We�ll talk
later. You�d better get ready now or you�ll be late. Cagalli will be here in less than 10 minutes.�

Kira froze at his friend�s words. Did Athrun see through his lies or was this just a blind shot
in the dark? If his deceit came to light he would be ashamed to face his
friends. Did he make any mistake and what exactly?

He went on with his preparations mechanically while
his mind pondered on these disturbing thoughts.

The doorbell rang again and he almost jumped in
surprise. Athrun went to open the door.

This time there were Yzak
and Dearka both looking quite full of themselves. It was starting and Kira
had this horrible premonition that urged him to run in his bed and bury himself
under the covers. He knew however that there was no escape.

He would have to get through the next few days.
Somehow� And hope that things will not go from bad to
worse. However� something told him he was asking for too much. Maybe the last
three months of lies had drained his luck.

He was about to find out that his life will
never be the same after that trip. And not only his�

@Ven-ven: Thank you.
Glad you like it : )

@Kimi: Here�s the new
chapter. Enjoy!

@Yami Jay: It was
such fun writing Cagalli in this situation. I do feel
sorry for her though. She has no boyfriend all she gets is to see her
homosexual friends doing it. Poor thing.

@AsuKira: It�s good
to know that it�s not only me who sees Dearka and Yzak like this. I did try to keep their characters, yet
give them something from me. Seems I succeeded.
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