Lonely Desire
Confusions and decisions
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Disclaimer:
I don\'t own
SEED. :( If I did
been rated NC-17 (
Athrun x Kira
would have
rabbits in
Warnings:
male/male
such things
reading it
good.
Comments:
me know what you think of it.
include all 6 main characters.
FOUR
and decisions
was he here now?
do before he opened the door. Where had he put them? The drawers of his desk
were empty. He had some distant memory they were there. Why couldn’t he find
them? He circled his cabinet searching for the photos but to no avail.
them and they were on the table in the living-room. Kira
sighed in relief and headed for the said room. And there they were – more than
ten photos, all framed. And all portrayed him with a beautiful girl or the same
girl alone – smiling at the camera and waving a hand at the person behind the lens.
He inspected the pictures one last time. Everything was perfect! Even he who
knew they were all montage couldn’t say it by just looking at them.
program that would generate an image of a girl of certain age and physical
appearance.
the image was ready according to the data he had supplied. Kira
loaded the image and gasped in shock. When had this happened? God, how did he
let his unconscious take over his reason. He stared at
the image. Here in front of his eyes was a perfect and unbelievably beautiful
female version of Athrun. The same blue-black strands
that he itched to bury his hands in, the piercing aqua-green eyes that invaded his
dreams and made him restless. The lips he wanted to taste and ravage till he
knew them better than his own. The brunet’s hand trembled reluctantly when he
reached to delete his unconscious slip. He started anew. And this time he tried
to think on every single trait he was to bestow on his creation. He felt like
some weird Pygmalion who had to create a beautiful and convincing person even
if only virtual.
the result was ready he sighed and started manipulating the pictures. Once the
whole 3D of the girl was created the rest was a child’s play. Not that he was
that troubled with this part. But he had a lot more to do…everything had to be
perfect, his friends were not stupid and his constant denial to meet them with
Ai was bound to make them more than slightly suspicious.
considered hiring a girl to play the role, but she could slip or be unconvincing.
Or she could end up being a friend of a friend and all would crash on his head.
This way he would be in full control. Or at least he hoped so…
hurried and set all pictures on strategic places taking extra care to be sure
they were easy to spot and drew attention then he headed for the door. There
was one more thing he had to do, but there was no time now. He would find some
way to get rid of Athrun for a second to ensure that
all is going to work out perfectly.
with him – alone – before they left for wherever they were going. He wanted to
see the darling face.
pressed the bell again this time holding it longer. He put his hands in his
pockets only to pull them out a second later. He bent and bragged the bag just
to occupy his hands since he had no idea why they had started to feel so awkward
and foreign all of a sudden.
smiled at him, but the green-eyed recognized it as a forced smile and his heart
sank. There was a time when his friend would jump at him and embrace him or at
least smile with pure happiness when they met. It was clearly not the case now.
went blanc for a sec when he realized that
the hungry eyes of the younger boy. He swallowed hard and tried not to stare at
the slim and muscled body that invaded his dreams every night. He saw a
gracious hand ruffle the still wet from the morning shower hair and his heart
started beating faster in his chest trying to jump out of it and right into
early” The words brought him back to reality. “Come in, sorry I kept you
waiting.”
attire and blushed slightly. “I should apologize. I didn’t notice I was in such
condition, I was preparing my luggage and this slipped my mind. Whatever, don’t
stay at the door come in”
the previous. Right in front of him there were plenty of pictures of
an unfamiliar but extremely beautiful girl. He was devastated. They looked so
good together and their faces shone with such uninhibited pleasure to be in
each other’s presence that Athrun felt like an
intruder and wanted to raise his head towards the moon and wail in pain.
thanks!” That would mean for Kira to go to the kitchen
and leave him alone. He needed some time to steady himself and prepare himself
for the next blow. He had the feeling that was not everything. And the day was
only now starting…
his time was short. Graceful fingers flew across the keyboard as he set the
program. Then he grabbed some clothes to put on. It was good he was so shocked
by Athrun’s arrival that his body had not reacted as
it usually did in his friend’s presence or he would have ended
beautiful that it was no wonder Kira had fallen for
her. But what hurt more was the look in her eyes. There was a glow that spoke
volumes. Her look when she watched his beloved was so tender and full of love,
tranquility and happiness that Athrun felt like some
kind of perverted voyeur that intruded on a very personal moment between two persons
in love. How was he to fight such perfection?
straight hair in light lilac colour and eyes only a
shade darker. Her body was slim and nicely curved in all the right places, her
breasts round and firm, her legs long and her hands so delicate.
his daydream.
back the question even if he didn’t want to know more about the girl. “She is
so pretty!”
had a strange distant expression that Athrun couldn’t
read. Once he would be able to know everything about his friend just by looking
at his face, which was always open and vivid.
at him with a crooked smile, moved in the range of the camera and said “Connect!”
The phone screen came to life and there was the face that Athrun
knew would plague his nightmares from now on. He hurried to distance himself
from the camera. The girl beamed at the sight of her boyfriend.
as sweet and tender as warm honey “sorry to bother you now, I know you have to
get ready, but I just wanted to wish you to spent a nice time and to remind you
to behave while you are away, or I’ll spank you when you come back” She looked
wicked when she said this.
wrong conversation. It fitted the situation (all that were in that folder did)
but this one was meant for Cagalli who had the bad
habit of sticking her pretty nose where it was not her business to. He wanted
to make her blush a little so that she knew not to
cross some borders. It was not intended it to be heard by Athrun,
never by him. Kira wanted to turn the line off but he
couldn’t risk rising his friend’s suspicions. He played by the earlier prepared
script. “You know I am a good boy!”
I love you so much. I can’t wait to get my hands on you again.
not alone, dear! Mind you tongue!”
be jealous of? I am surprised you have enough energy to move this morning, let
alone do more! Besides, you know you’ll never find someone who will
overheard. Anger and jealousy threatened to overcome his common sense. Those
two seemed to enjoy themselves and exchanged personal jokes without even noticing
his presence. Was he such an insignificant part of Kira’s
life now? This girl had what he
wanted so desperately – Kira’s love! Or did
finger on it. Was this the type of partners his friend liked? This cheeky, teasing
girl that was nothing like the image that his mind had created based on her appearance
in the pics. Everything he heard from her infuriated
him beyond reason and he vowed that he will do whatever necessary to win the
love of the one and only for him. She didn’t seem to be for his
pursuit, then Athrun would gladly throw away all
hesitation and will finally start chasing his prey with all determination.
voice.
to hear them exit the brunet’s mouth. They should have been aimed at him. His
heart hurt almost as much as when he though he had killed his best friend.
were his friend… why did you have to kill him? Kill because somebody was killed,
get killed because you killed! Do you think peace will come like that?”
the pain, fear, anger, love, hesitation, doubt, insecurity – all the feelings
that he kept under control overflowed him sweeping away his reasons, exposing
his raw wounds and they bled again.
of Kira smiling, thoughtful, crying, mischievous,
guilty, playful, determined, hurt, curious, innocent, flashed in his mind and
with them came the sudden realization that Kira had
always been the centre of his universe, even when they were separated. He felt
really alive only when they were together. The simple fact that his friend was
out there somewhere was enough for him. And now he was gone… And he –
would bring him such pleasure. His guts clenched and he felt like throwing up.
Tears kept falling from his eyes never succeeding to wash away his guilt and
his world went pale and only the black, white and the innumerate shades of gray
were left. The joy evaporated with Kira’s smile and
all that remained was sadness that enveloped him and threatened to drown him. He
couldn’t breathe. His lungs fought for air but his throat was blocked by that
enormous pain that was like palpable presence in and around him.
did he realize his feeling only now, when it is far too late?
you, Kira!
was he to keep living with the knowledge that his hands were covered with the
blood of his one great love.
so sorry, I relized it so late!
want to stay alive in a world where Kira didn’t
exist?
back to me…
look pale. Did our talk disturb you? Sorry that you had to become witness to
this. Ai is like that. It’s part of her charm.” The brunet smiled at him.
I was thinking of something.”
called. What was it?”
that the moment was not right for grand confessions, especially after the phone
call he had overheard. Besides it was almost 10:00 and the others would come
any time. He needed to consider his course of actions and finally start walking
down the path of love. So he said.
you friends and me in particular.”
and when I have some I usually spend it with Ai.” Kira
tried to come up with an acceptable excuse.
this, Kira. And don’t insult my intelligence with
stupid excuses, please. Think of a better lie, will you. Anyway, it’s not that
important now. I’ll give you more time to come up with something. We’ll talk
later. You’d better get ready now or you’ll be late.
in the dark? If his deceit came to light he would be ashamed to face his
friends. Did he make any mistake and what exactly?
his mind pondered on these disturbing thoughts.
surprise. Athrun went to open the door.
and Dearka both looking quite full of
had this horrible premonition that urged him to run in his bed and bury himself
under the covers. He knew however that there was no escape.
Somehow… And hope that things will not go from bad to
worse. However… something told him he was asking for too much. Maybe the last
three months of lies had drained his luck.
never be the same after that trip. And not only his…
Glad you like it : )
chapter. Enjoy!
such fun writing Cagalli in this situation. I do feel
sorry for her though. She has no boyfriend all she gets is to see her
homosexual friends doing it. Poor thing.
to know that it’s not only me who sees Dearka and
give them something from me. Seems I succeeded.