First Love

A/N: Somehow, the angsty side of Roy from the manga came out in the second half of this chappie combined with Roy’s depression after the Ishbal war in episode 25.


Chapter 4

"Al, what do you think this assessment means?" Edward asked softly, leaving Hughes's house in the suburbs. He chose to walk to Headquarters with Alphonse alone this fine spring morning.

Pacing down the narrow cobblestone streets of Eastern tucked between old stone buildings and small family shops, Alphonse contemplated. "Well, Nii-san," he began, pausing besides Edward. "Respect."

Struck by the depth of his answer, Fullmetal stopped, his sight lost in street's stone cracks below. "I lost that the day I became a dog of the military," he sighed, clenching the silver watch hard inside his pocket.

"That's not what I meant, Nii-san." Laying a gentle hand on his back, Alphonse guided him out to Eastern's main street. Looking up, he saw the imperial facade of Headquarters rise in the distance, reminding him of who awaited. "It's about someone who's helped us."

"Oh, you mean him." Frowning, the blonde crossed his arms pacing in front of his younger. Even a mere reference to Mustang's persona provoked deep anger. Is it your respect I that I’m after, Taisa?

"I want the Colonel's respect and to know why he likes me." The words flowed clear and strong from Edward's rumbling throat. Determination burned in his dark amber irises. His lips tightened turning down as he finally spoke his truth.

Alphonse smiled within at the strength of Edward's conviction. "It seems you've grown, Nii-san," he observed.

"Really?" His expression softening, the blonde returned his own inner smile.

"Of course!" Alphonse nodded, catching up. "Now that you know what you want, I'm sure you'll do your best!"

"Thanks, Al." Passionate in his stride, Edward felt some hope. Alphonse rekindled the flame in him just as Hughes did for Mustang earlier that morning. Al, you're not just my soul and blood brother. You're my very best friend I love more than anyone. I never stop until your body is finally restored.

As the brothers neared Headquarters by foot Hawkeye drove Roy and Hughes. Roy sat in the hard seat of the vehicle, hands folded on his lap, gazing at a vertical angle towards his knees. Unwavering, he remained perfectly still calculating his situation in mind.

Silently aware he reflected, Hawkeye focused on her driving ahead.

Hughes relaxed casually in the back near the flame one, arms joined behind his head, casting a casual glance at Mustang. “Thinkin’ about the Scar case, eh Colonel?” Hughes asked, cutting between his thoughts.

“No, Lieutenant Major, just matters unrelated,” Mustang replied rather flatly.

“Please Sir,” Hawkeye interjected politely. “If it’s okay I wish to hear it. What is said remains here.”

“Very well, Lieutenant,” the colonel agreed, his features still hidden and arms now crossed. “What is the best course action to take when two distinctive spheres, the public and private may cross dangerously close?”

Although he spoke in the tactics of military language, his subordinates understood full well. The closer of the two, Hughes stayed quiet to hear Hawkeye’s answer.

Without blinking, she thought, her words fast and sharp. “Sir, I believe one should appear reputable in public, despite one’s personal activity.”

“The art of deception.” Smirking, the colonel raised his visage. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

Nearing Headquarters, military guards swung open the iron gates, their salutes as stiff as statues. Hawkeye left promptly after parking the car in its lot, leaving the two men behind.

Grinning, Hughes accompanied him inside Headquarters.

“What, Maes!?” Mustang hissed under his breath. “I’m staying single and don’t flash me any damn pictures.”

“Haha, you got me.” His smile widening, Hughes almost showed one. “I find it interesting how you compare romance to combat, Roy.”

“That’s ludicrous. You know how many women I’ve dated,” Flame whispered, grinning back at his friend.

“But real love and dating differ,” Hughes pointed out, winking. “It’s emotional and…”

Stopping dead in his tracks, Mustang paused in the hall outside his office. “Maes,” he began, quite solemnly. “Remember me after Ishbal seven years ago?” Speaking of emotions made him remember that time.

“Yeah, ya tried to shoot yourself in the head,” Hughes recalled grimly, leaning against the wall. “Why?” he asked desperately.

Lowering his voice, the colonel closed their distance. “I’ll tell you, Maes.” Pain twisted his pale round face, beautiful to behold. “I killed civilians at Ishbal, the very people we’re sworn to protect! To do that, I had to shut away all feelings. Lieutenant Hawkeye said then I had the killer’s eyes she had too.”

“So ya went into shock after when the emotions returned in civilian life, right?” Hughes questioned, confiding in Roy. “That’s why the gun.”

Nodding sorrowfully, Roy’s gaze cried out. “If I didn’t shut away my feelings for good, I would of really done it. I’m a different person now, Roy Mustang, rank colonel, Flame Alchemist in the military.”

“Roy, you’re my friend, not a damn weapon.” Yanking his uniform collar, Hughes was about to punch him.

“Colonel, Lieutenant Major!” a youth’s shrill voice echoed down the hall.

Instinctively, Hughes released him. “Hey, Ed!” he called back. Glancing back at the flame one, he continued, “It’s good you like him. Maybe you’ll find yourself.”

“Taisa?” Fullmetal asked, racing toward him.

Wearing a forced smile, Hughes pulled Alphonese aside. “They’ve got some business together.”

“This way, Hagane.” Swallowing his pain, the colonel regained his composure, leading Edward inside to his office. Without a greeting, he simply gave orders. “Lieutenant Hawkeye, inform the Fuhrer today’s assessment is canceled.”

Glancing through the windows juxtaposed to Mustang’s desk, Hawkeye noted the skies quickly darken. “Yes, Sir.”

“No, Lieutenant, it’s changed. I’ll administer a written test in place,” the flame one corrected suddenly.

“Understood. I’ll report that to the Fuhrer.” Saluting, Hawkeye left.

Seeing they were alone, Edward scowled at the change. “But Taisa, I wanted to challenge you in —”

“Enough, Hagane!” Mustang’s harsh tone silenced him like a knife to his throat. Whirling around, the colonel marched to his desk. “As your superior, I ask you, is that clear!?”

“Yes…sir…” The sudden outburst choked the blonde’s meek voice.

“You will submit a full length report now, detailing the red water’s composition and construction in my office until you finish.” Mustang addressed him coldly as if he were a commander back at Ishbal ordering his unit into action.

Without a word he collapsed in the seat in front of his superior’s desk. A minute later his anger spilled forth. “Taisa, I won’t!” he cried defiantly.

Mustang froze at the sight of Edward’s tear stained face. He never intended to make him cry, only follow orders, forgetting the fear he struck as the soldier back in Ishbal.

“Hagane, stop that,” he muttered, consumed by guilt.

Edward couldn’t stop, remembering the blood lust experienced from Scar.

He’s still an innocent child who’s never seen the battlefield and never taken another human life, Mustang reminisced sorrowfully. His body just moved by itself through space nearing the blonde.

TBC…