Acting As If� (A Passion Play in Five Acts)

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Gundam boys, I just like to imagine them in my own little world (which is totally of my imagining). No profits are made from this story, just gratuitous pleasure.

Summary: Everything was so great between us during the war that I could hardly believe it when he left me without even a word once it had ended. It was only with the help of my friends that I kept from going off of the deep end, but the hurt never eased. I kept living, but I felt as if I was in a play, ‘acting as if’ my heart had mended and I had moved on, but that’s all it was, an act. Now, Trowa and Quatre are finally tying the knot and everyone is attending. Everyone except HIM. And I’ll be there, alone, except in my dreams. Or will I?

Rating: NC-17

Warning Codes: Angst,anal,m/m,waff,yaoi,h/c,WIP,

Pairings: 1x2

Author’s note: Act IV *LEMON ADVISORY* When do dreams stop being dreams and start being real life? Is Duo's answer waiting in the darkest corner of the bar?


Feedback is appreciated. Your feedback is your gift to me. My gift to you is the story. I hope that you have enjoyed reading it thus far, and that I will continue to keep you enchanted with my little passion play until the end.

Acting As If… (A Passion Play in Five Acts)


Act IV


The cars were there to pick us up promptly at seven and I found myself between Sally and WuFei and feeling quite comfortable. It was amazing that his wife would allow a friend to come between her and her husband with no qualms. But then, we didn’t see each other very often, so I guess it was excusable on her part. Whatever it was, I was extremely grateful to this woman for what she put up with from me. It made me feel wanted and loved, part of a family, which was something I’d been missing out on for most of my life.

At the last minute, Zechs put his head in our car, looking at each of us in turn.

“Mind if we ride with you? The others are all in the first car and there’s not much room,” he asked smoothly.

“No, not at all,” Sally replied with a bright smile and reached for my hand. Zechs quirked an eyebrow at me and I could swear that he was laughing at the three of us.

I squeezed Sally’s hand and dropped it. I didn’t want it to look like I needed everybody’s protection from big, bad Zechs. Hell, I was a big boy, I could say yes or no all by myself.

/’But do we want to say no?’ asked my troubled mind. ‘NO’, screamed my heart. ‘Say no! He’s not Heero. No one can ever take Heero's place. No one.’ ‘But he’s hot and it’s been so long,’ clamored my body, hormones going into overdrive. ‘Just one quick one. What’s it going to hurt?’ begged my hormones. ‘No, it’s being unfaithful,’ screamed my heart. ‘But how can we be unfaithful to someone who left us?’ asked my tortured brain, my heart starting to grate on my mind. ‘He never said he’d be back. He never asked us to wait. He never said anything at all. He just left us.’ ‘But we LOVE him!’ screamed my frantic heart. ‘We’ve NEVER stopped loving him. To even think about someone else, how could you?’ ‘But it’s been so long,’ begged my overwrought hormones, ‘so long and just a quick one won’t change our love. We’ll still love him in the morning.’ ‘How could we ever live with ourselves?’ wailed my grieving heart. ‘No’, decided my mind. ‘No, we must be strong and say no,’ said my mind, making a stand with my aching heart./

My grumbling hormones went off to sulk alone somewhere and my heart stopped shrieking. My mind breathed a sigh of relief.

“Duo?” ‘Fei asked, watching the play of emotions on my face that only someone very close to me would be able to recognize.

“I’m okay,” I replied, smiling. “Really.” And I gave his hand a small squeeze.

I had successfully navigated this daunting hurdle that life had suddenly flung into my path. I would resist the temptation to give into Zechs and when I looked him in the eye, he could see the resolve. He smiled and shrugged, as if to say ‘can’t blame a guy for trying’ then turned his complete attention to his partner, Noin, ignoring me for the remainder of the ride.

When we arrived at the club, it had yet to get into full swing, so we had plenty of time to eat and have drinks in our private room before the crowds and loud music got to be overwhelming. I found myself a place at the end of the bar in our room where it was quite dark and pretty calm, a nice, secluded alcove. I felt drawn to it for some reason, and dressed all in black as I was, it was easy for me to get lost in the darkness and fade from sight.

The party had been going on for about three hours, the food was gone, but the liquor still flowed. I had danced a few times before I decided to retire to my secluded corner to nurse my aching heart. The more the rest of the group drank, the more affectionate they got towards each other, and that just seemed to make me more aware of my aloneness.

I had been sitting quietly for some time, nursing a drink that I really didn’t want, lost in my thoughts, when I felt warm breath waft over my cheek and felt the heat of a body behind me. I started to turn, but strong hands grasped my shoulders and a husky voice whispered against my neck.

“No, don’t turn around. Don’t talk. Just feel,” came a sinfully, seductive voice.

I sat, mesmerized by the whisper, the familiar feel of those hands on my body, the scent of HIS cologne.

“I’ve been watching you, baby,” he whispered. “You look lonely. Maybe I can fix that, at least for a little while.”

That mouth, that sinfully delightful mouth, began to kiss me on the back of the neck, moving forward to a spot just under my ear. My head tilted to give him better access and I could feel him sucking, biting just a little. I knew he was going to leave a mark, but I was powerless to stop him.

“You’re so beautiful. I want to fuck you, baby,” he whispered against my neck. “Are you a virgin, or has it just been a long time since you felt a man’s touch?”

I could only moan softly as his mouth moved lower to leave another mark on my neck. I was helpless in his hands. I felt him slide back on his stool and his hands slid to my hips, slowly, caressing me gently as they moved down from my shoulders. I shuddered in response, panting lightly. It had been so long. Then he was pulling me off of my stool and backwards, onto his lap. I let him shift me until my back was resting against his hard chest.

I could feel his arousal through both of our pants, hot and hard. His hands still on my hips, he ground his erection against my ass. I let my head fall back against his shoulder, face away from his, eyes closed. I moaned softly in my need, my hand going to the front of my pants to shift my straining cock to a more comfortable position.

“I’m going to fuck you, pretty baby, right here, right now. I’m going to put my hard cock in your tight little ass and I’m going to fuck you until you want to scream,” he whispered in my ear. “Is that what you want, baby? You want to be fucked? You want me to fuck you?”

I could only gasp and shake my head. I felt incapable of words. The hard, driving beat of the music in the background, the alcohol in my system and his words burning in my brain al seemed to combine to rob me of coherent speech.

He sat up and I slumped forward, leaning my head against the wall that was now in front of me. Somehow he had managed to turn us so that our backs were to the crowd. Dressed as I was, and, no doubt, he was also all in black, no one would see us in this secluded haven I had chosen for my hiding place. It successfully hid everything we were about to do. Everything I wanted him to do to me.

His strong hands slid around my waist and quickly unbuttoned my pants and let down the zip, one hand delving in to wrap itself around my straining, weeping cock. The precum flowed freely from the slit and he used a thumb to spread it over the flaring crown of my penis, then his hand began to slide gently up and down my length. I panted and thrust my hips against his hand, and his mouth once more came down on my neck, nuzzling through the hair on the nape, licking and biting, making me moan in my pleasure.

His other hand had slid up under my tight tee shirt and was toying with first one then the other of my nipples, rolling and squeezing them gently. My body felt like it was on fire. My hormones came out of their sulk in a full, raging inferno of desire, my brain shut down all cognizant thoughts, turning into a helpless puddle of goo. And my heart, my tell-tale heart? It was silent in it’s content beating.

“Come on, let’s get these pants down, baby,” that sinfully wicked voice whispered. “Let’s see what you’ve got waiting for me. I bet that you’re tight and hot, aren’t you, baby? I can’t wait to feel you around me, sink myself deep into your flesh. God, I want you. I want you now.”

I sighed my acceptance, shifted and lifted my hips while he pushed my pants down to my knees. Then his hand caressed my cock once more, starting to stroke it firmly while his other hand caressed my back side.

“I need you to stand up for a couple of minutes, baby, so I can make you ready for me,” he whispered softly. “I don’t want to hurt you, pretty baby. Come on, that’s a good boy. Just like that. Lean on the wall. Spread your legs a little bit more. Good.”

I complied readily, too far gone in this dream to want to wake up now. I knew if I tried to, I’d be left with an ache in my groin to accompany the one in my heart. And besides, I’d been wanting this for so long, I was willing to have him any way he wanted me, even in my dreams.

Well lubed fingers traced the crack of my ass and found my entrance, and I shivered in anticipation of what was to come. I wanted this so badly. Those strong fingers teased the muscular entrance and I willed myself to relax, to let him have his way with me. His other hand went back to stroking my cock, and I felt his fingers slide inside of me, warm and welcome after so long. In all of the time he’d been gone, I’d been completely faithful to him. I don’t know how long I stood there in my hazy bliss, but the sudden removal of his fingers made me cry out in alarm.

“Easy. Easy, baby,” he soothed me. “I need to make myself ready to take you.”

I could feel movement and I assumed he was loosening his pants and slicking on some lube, so I relaxed again, knowing that soon he was going to be taking me to a completion that I had dreamed of for so long, but never achieved. His hands on my hips signaled me that he was ready and then I felt the tip of his penis at my entrance, and I tensed. He pressed gently and rubbed my hips, trying to get me to relax again, but I felt some small bit of hesitation, maybe even fear. Then he leaned on my back and I felt his warm mouth on my neck again, kissing his way up to my jaw.

“Relax, baby, let me in. Let me make love to you, Duo,” he whispered, calling my name for the first time, and I melted into him, giving myself to him completely once more.

I felt the flared head of his cock breach the muscle ring, slipping inside of me, then he made a hard thrust, seating himself fully in me in one move. I cried out in sudden pain at the invasion, but then he stilled and began to kiss and caress me once more, his hand returning to my dripping cock, stroking it fast and hard, spreading my wetness with his hand. I started to thrust back and I could feel him smile against my neck. I was soon panting hard in my need to come.

Then he stopped for a moment, put his hands on my hips and pulled the both of us back up onto his seat, me in his lap. By this time my pants had fallen completely down and it was easy for him to push them the rest of the way to the floor and spread my legs over his. He started to roll his hips gently and pulled me up until my back was against his chest once more, my head lolled on his shoulder.

“You feel so good, so hot, so tight, baby,” he whispered. “You’re everything I’ve dreamed you would be.”

Time seemed to stand quite still. I felt as if my whole world was his hard cock rocking into my tight body. Nothing else mattered. It seemed there was no measure of the time that he possessed me. This was a dream that I never wanted to wake up from. The dream that I had dreamed of for so long. But all to soon, he shifted, sliding me to the floor again.

“I need to come, baby. I need to come in you,” the whisper had taken on a hoarse, needy tone. “And I want you to come for me, baby.”

He started to thrust hard into me, and with the shifting of position he began to hit my prostate. My world was completely blown away, my mind lost somewhere out in the outermost reaches of the heavens. I could hear nothing but his hard, rasping breath in my ear, I could feel nothing but his hard cock in my ass, thrusting as deeply as he could, and his hand on my cock, demanding I give up my release to him. This was my whole existence at this moment in time, and it stretched out before me in infinite ecstasy.

With one last, deep thrust, I felt him come, his seed hot in my channel as it pumped into me, and I could hear a very faint whisper over the roaring in my ears.

“I love you, Duo Maxwell,” sobbed that velvety, traitorous voice.

Then he ripped my orgasm from me and I was spilling my essence over his hand. My knees started to give out, and only his arm around my chest kept me from sinking to the floor. I don’t remember much else, but I seemed to recall hearing a soft, dark voice whisper ‘Sweet dreams, Duo.’ Then I don’t remember hearing anything else until WuFei was standing next to me, shaking me gently.

“Duo? Are you okay, baby?” ‘Fei asked me.

“Huh?” I said hazily, looking up, trying to make my way out of the cloud that my mind seemed to be in. ”Wha’s… God, ‘Fei. I had the most incredible dream. He…”

“I know, baby. I’m sure it was a sweet dream, too. You awake now?” he asked, peering into my dazed and confused eyes.

“Think so,” I answered. “Thirsty…”

“I’ll get you some water. We’re almost ready to leave,” he told me, signaling to the bartender. “Look, you just wait here for me. I’ll be right back to get you. Here. Here’s your water.”

I drank greedily, then laid my head back down on the bar and watched ‘Fei walk to the others that were heading our way, stopping them. He seemed to whisper something to Sally, then kissed her. She smiled at him and nodded, turned and left quickly.

I could hear Quate’s shrill voice, demanding to know what was the matter and ‘Fei’s light baritone answering.

“But I just…” said Quate, loudly.

“No. Leave him alone,” responded ‘Fei.

“But if he’s hurt, or sick…” Quate insisted.

“He’s fine,” replied ‘Fei.

“No, he’s not. Look at him,” Quate was getting louder.

“Trowa,” said WuFei in exasperation.

“Quatre, let WuFei tend to Duo. We need to head out the car,” came Trowa's soft rumble, and thankfully he took Quate away with him.

Man, I love the guy, but when he starts to get aggravated he gets shrill. And loud. I wasn’t ready for that. Then ‘Fei was back for me.

“Damn, Duo, you reek,” he said, slipping my arm over his shoulder, trying to hold me up. I almost hit the floor before he caught me. “Come on, baby. Can you walk? That’s it, just out to the car.”

Somehow we managed to make it out in one piece, but I know I wasn’t an awful lot of help. I was too far gone in my blissful dream state.

“Oh, my God, “ I heard Quatre say as they got me into the car. “Duo smells like sex. And his neck…”

“Hush, Quatre,” said ‘Fei, sliding in next to me. I immediately cuddled into his arms and relaxed, words running in and out of my dream fogged brain.

“But if someone took advantage of him,” came the shrill voice, “raped him…”

“No one took advantage of him,” rumbled the voice under my head. “There was no rape.”

“But he’d never consent,” insisted the shrill voice.

“Oh, he consented alright,” came the smug rumble.

“Duo would never consent to anyone but Heero,” said the shrill voice, triumphantly. “So someone must have forced him…”

“It was Yuy,” said the voice under my head.

“He… Heero… He was… he was here?” The shrill voice suddenly sounded stunned. “But, why… how… Where is he now?”

“Trowa,” the voice under my head sounded tired and exasperated.

“Hush, angel. It’ll all become clear later,” came the low, soft reply.

“But…”

“No, Quatre,” the soft voice insisted. “Let it go. Forget you heard his name tonight. He was never here, okay? You’ll understand… later…”

Then, thankfully, the voices stopped. But one word echoed through my foggy mind. Yuy.

“’Fei,” I whispered, softly. “It was him, wasn’t it? He was here, with me, wasn’t he?”

“Shhh, baby. It was all a dream, a very sweet dream. Sleep, now, Duo,” WuFei whispered back, stroking my hair softly. “Sleep.’

~*~

It was much later and I could vaguely recall ‘Fei carrying me into the house. I thought I saw Sally, but I was to tired to really pay attention. Next thing I knew, we were in my bathroom and ‘Fei was stripping off my clothes, dropping them to the floor in distaste.

“Let’s get you cleaned up a bit before you get into bed,” I heard him saying, then felt the warm water on my skin. I managed to stay upright and he rinsed me quickly, but seemed to pay extra attention to my crotch and bottom, washing both thoroughly. Then he toweled me off, slipped on a clean pair of boxers and the bed was the next place I recall, with ‘Fei tucked around me, holding me. I snuggled in and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~*~

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