Healing Duo

“ Oh Duo! This isn’t going to work!” Hilde cries for what has to be the thousandth time. Duo shakes his head, smiling ruefully at the young woman.
“ Come on Hilde, the sensors are with Howard while they’re being tweaked, there’s no other way. Besides it’s not like we’re lying, we’re just not telling the whole truth. Please, just stick to the plan and let me work Quatre on my own.” He explains with a confidence he doesn’t feel, but it gets the job done. Hilde looks slightly better. The doorbell rings, jarring both of them out of their varied state of nerves. Duo smiles, nods and Hilde leaves the room.

Quatre stands on the doorstep of what Hilde had finally revealed was both Duo and Hilde’s house. Small, but quaint. The salvage yard is out back and to the right a large garage. Quatre is quite happy the two of them have been so successful in the past years, but truly hopes they are just good friends. Finally the door swings open and Hilde is standing behind the screen door beaming at him. Opening the door between them the blond suddenly feels himself swept up in a hug.
“ Wow, it’s good to see you Quatre, it’s been such a long time!” He hugs the blue haired girl back, releasing her when he feels a severe lack of oxygen.
“ It’s nice to be here Hilde. Is Duo home?” He knows it might be rude, but he wants to get to the point as quickly as possible, he really wants to see his friend. He watches Hilde’s smile falter, but it’s soon back up.
“ Uh, yeah he is. Come in Quatre.” Stepping back to let the boy in Hilde swallows the lump in her chest, hoping they are doing the right thing. Closing the door behind her she turns back to concerned aquamarine eyes.
“ Hilde I know something is wrong so I’ll get right to it. I want to see Duo and I don’t care if he wants it or not. So either you take me to him or I will search the house.” He expects a fight, some sort of indignity, but the girl only sighs and tells him to follow. They walk down a hall and turn left. At the end of another hall there’s a door.
“ He told me not to come with you so I’m letting you go here, but let me tell you something Quatre Rabarbara Winner,” Hilde says in a seething tone. “ If you do or say anything that upsets him, or try to force him to do or say anything he doesn’t want to, even if you think it’s the ‘right thing’, you’ll be answering to me!” And with that she turns to walk back to the living room. Quatre stares at her retreating back with wide eyes for a few heartbeats. What was she talking about? What could he say that would hurt Duo? What was the real nature of their relationship? How did she know his middle name? One way to find out.
The Arabian walks to the door and knocks softly. He waits for a few moments before getting an answer from a familiar husky voice that still manages to send shivers down Quatre’s spine, and not all that unpleasantly.
“ That you Q-man? You gonna stand there all day and keep me waiting?” Quatre frowns, why didn’t Duo just open the door himself? Shrugging he situates himself before turning the knob and entering the room.
Right away something isn’t right. Quatre thought the minute he opened the door he would be greeted by crushing, strong arms or a fist, but he wasn’t. As he closes the door and turns around, Quatre is the first pilot to see Duo for almost four years. And he isn’t sure he likes what he sees.
First of all the boy is laying in bed. Duo. In bed. In the middle of the afternoon? Maybe he’s sick, but he looks perfectly healthy. His coloring is fine, a little skinny; but then again Duo had always been alarmingly thin. Not that that ever stopped the blond hair boy from ogling. He loved Trowa with all his heart, but Duo was breathtakingly beautiful. ‘ He still is’ Quatre decides, as he looks down at his once best friend. But then what’s wrong? The blond frowns further, but seeing the distress mar that perfect face from his silence Quatre suddenly feels the need to make things lighter.
“ Hello Duo. It’s great to see you again; it’s been ages. Speaking of time, it’s four in the afternoon and you’re still in bed, I thought at least you’d give me a hug!” As soon as it is said, Quatre wishes it hadn’t been. Duo’s entire body seemed to wince at the last words before that beaming smile takes up all his features. But Quatre can tell it’s forced.
“ Hey man, you know I would and everything. That is if I could actually get up.” Duo puts out lightly, sounding a lot more calm than his pounding heart would indicate. Could Quatre hear his blood pulsing? Duo sure as hell could, he almost couldn’t hear anything else.
Quatre gasps. Duo, not able to walk? He finds himself rushing to the bedside.
“ You can’t walk? Have you called a doctor? What happened? I have a limo outside if you need…” But Duo waves him off.
“ No man, old injuries. Got hurt a while ago. Eventually I’ll be able to walk fine, but right now I’m still doing physical therapy. I can usually walk with help, but they‘re at Howy‘s being worked on, should have em back tomorrow!” All this is said with a smile plastered all over his face. Quatre sighs and sits down on the bed. The same place Hilde had sat so many times---feeding the ex-Shinigami when he was weak from medication, talking to him late into the night, but mostly to hold the lithe figure while he cried dry tears. His real tears had been shed long ago. Sometimes Duo thought he was finally too dry to cry anymore, but that didn’t stop the pain he always seemed to feel in his heart. Ever since that day he left the other pilots without a word…but no sense dragging up old memories. But that proves significantly more difficult when a large part of the past is sitting right in front of him.
“ How did it happen Duo? Why didn’t you tell any of us? We would have helped you!” Could he really do this? Could he really lie to that angelic face? Where had all his resolve gone? Well he could sure as hell try.
“ It’s nothing really, just a few bad mistakes on my part at work. I didn’t want to bother you guys none. So what have you all been up to anyway? Got any interesting stories to tell?” But it seems Quatre is not to be swayed.
“ What do you mean bad mistakes? Did you fall? Did somebody hurt you Duo, cause if anyone…” Duo sighs and lets his smile slip a little. He’s too tired and Quatre is aiming too close to home.
“ Look Q-man, just let it go. I would really like to move on past my mistakes. I don’t like to be reminded of the bad things I’ve been dealt in life. So please. Let. It. Go.” Quatre stares at him for a moment. He’s about to press further when Hilde’s words come drifting back. She knew Duo didn’t want to talk about it, so okay, he would let it go for now. But not forever. He can feel the distress and desperation leaking off the other pilot and silently vows he will find out what is making his friend so upset. Finally he nods noncommittally and Duo’s smile softens to something genuine to relief.
“ So what have you and the other guys been up to? Still on Earth?” Duo repeats his earlier question, wanting the conversation to get as far away from himself as possible. The blond gives him a devilish smile that is too close to his Zero grin to make Duo feel completely safe. God he’d missed his friend…
“ Yes, we’re still on earth, though I think some of us wouldn’t mind if that changed.” He starts mysteriously, but doesn’t go into detail on the last statement. “ I, myself have taken over father’s corporation. It’s going as well as can be expected, but I won’t bore you with business talk.” Duo looks painfully relieved and Quatre chuckles at his expression. “ Trowa is still with the circus, though not traveling. He’s the head of my security the rest of the time, but when they come close enough for it to not be a hassle he let’s Catherine throw those knives at him.” Duo grins as Quatre visibly shudders. He remembers the blonde’s face the first time he watched the act, thinking the little Arabian would soon faint in fear. He couldn’t help but wonder, however, why Heero isn’t the head of security; it seemed right up his ally. Oh God! Everything brought him right back to Heero! Was he doomed? Was this God’s sick humor for killing so many innocent…okay, time to stop that train of thought too.
“ I mean,” Quatre continues, “ I trust Catherine’s skill, but merciful Allah if one of these times I don’t have a heart attack!” Duo starts to giggle and Quatre finds himself joining in. With some of the tension relieved Duo momentarily forgets the reason he’d opted lying down and looks out his window opposite form where his friend is sitting. But, with the sudden gasp from the smaller man his head whips back around.
“ Kat, you ok?” He looks into the other’s wide aquamarine eyes, his eyebrows knitting in confusion. The little blond reaches out and touches Duo’s neck at the nape of his hairline.
“ Oh god Duo! What happened to your hair?!” Duo can only stare at his friend for a few moments before realization of what he meant hits him. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath Duo finally sits upright. Quatre’s free hand moves in front of his gaping mouth while his other fingers tail down Duo’s short pony-tail; stopping just above his shoulders. A glistening tear streaks its way out of the quivering blue-green pools. Duo sighs as he reaches his hand out to brush away the offending moisture from his friend’s cheek.
“ Don’t cry Q-man, its nothing really.” He tries to pass it off lightly, but nothing with Quatre ever goes away lightly.
“ No, Duo you loved your hair! What happened?” He asks again, grasping his friend’s hair tightly in his own, still clutching at the remains of what used to be numerous feet of chestnut locks.
“ I did it myself, well not really myself. When I got hurt…it was such a pain not being able to walk and having all that hair in the way. It wasn’t just my legs, but my wrists and fingers and Hilde had so much else to worry about besides my hair so I convinced her to cut it off.” Duo tries to keep the shame out of his eyes, he’s lying right to one of his best friends. Not stretching the truth, not running away or hiding, just a plain old lie. Its true…Shinigami is no more. He’s nothing now, only a name that isn’t even his, taken from the dead people that had had the misfortune of receiving his love in his past. A name used now only to haunt him. But he doesn’t let this show; he could never let any of it show. He tries to smile and manages it somehow, though his mind seems to have no part of it.
Finally Quatre lets his death grip of both Duo’s hand and hair drop. Then he smirks.
“ But short hair isn’t in season for brunettes this year.” At this Duo can’t keep in the slight chuckle and the other man soon follows. A comfortable silence passes over the two youths, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Duo breaks the silence, hoping to get Quatre to answer the question burning inside him with his subtle ease. Grinning maniacally to himself, he almost feels bad for taking advantage of the other boy’s seemingly oblivious nature.
“ So what’s the Wu-man up to? Still fighting for justice and keeping everyone on their toes?” Quatre quirks one side of his lips up into a lop-sided grin.
“ He’s working with the Preventors now as one of their top agents. Though I think the only person he actively keeps on their toes is Zechs Merquise when he fucks him over the office desk they share.” The blonde watches in high amusement while his violet eyed friend’s mouth drops open, choking sounds emanating, his already large eyes comically huge.
Finally the stricken ex-pilot manages to squeak out a strangled “ Quatre!” And goes right back into a state of shock. Quatre giggles uncontrollably. He’d never seen Duo look so shocked since the time he had walked in on Quatre pleasuring himself with a banana then asking if Duo wanted to help him. Quatre passed it off later as payback for all the times Duo flirted with the petite blond, when really he hadn’t been more serious in his life. But he hadn’t been about to lose his friend because of a piece of fruit.
Leaning back against the headboard, Duo’s eyes fix on the ceiling as if all the answers in the world resided there, finally calming down.
“ Quatre?” He says again, with much more ease.
“ Surprised?” Duo lets out an explosive bark of laughter.
“ What? That Wufei’s gay? Or the fact that he’s with Zechs, not to mention he tops?” Quatre only nods with a sparkling grin on his face. Duo has to laugh again. “ Yeah actually, I am. I mean, out of all of us, the last person that I actually thought would be gay would be Wu-man. Jeez…I guess now we do have something in common, man that’s gonna kill him!” He chuckles, but when he hears a lack of response from the other man he turns to look. Quatre sits dumbfounded as Duo had only moments before.
“ You’re gay?” He manages before Duo has time to think of something to say. With a slight smile the violet eyed boy mussed Quatre’s fine hair playfully.
“ The observant one aren’t we? You really didn’t know?” Quatre snaps his open mouth shut and ducks from Duo’s questing ‘nuggy’ fist.
“ Well no actually. We all thought….and you came back to L2...to Hilde and I mean, it just never crossed our minds.” He lies lamely. Or course they had, even wished for it fervently, but for reasons he had no right to tell Duo.
“ No, me and Hilde are just good friends. Wow, I thought when I walked in on you with the fruit up your ass you had noticed the bulge in my jeans. I had half a mind to take you up on your little offer you know?” Duo winks and Quatre blinks, twice.
“ Why didn’t you?” He blurts before going deep lobster red. Duo just laughs.
“ Cause I knew how you and Trowa felt about each other and I don’t do ones-ies.” Trowa was really going to love hearing about this turn of events, Qautre thinks ruefully. Not only did Duo know about them the entire time, but he’s actually just like the rest of them! Why hadn’t he known before? Well Duo never really did talk about himself. Sure, he got Trowa and Heero to open up, but he never shared his reality with them. ‘ Wow. Heero really is going to like this good news…speaking of Heero---maybe I should try laying down a base for him, give them a nudge.’ With a satisfied smirk Quatre goes to work.
“ Well isn’t this something. What are the odds that all the Gundam Pilots would be gay?” Quatre gives this a little time to sink in. Duo thinks about the words, he knew what the blonde meant. But he also already knew about Heero, hell he had heard it first hand, sort of. But Quatre doesn’t know and Duo can’t let him see that. After an appropriate amount of time he forces himself to look shocked, it isn’t that hard, still in a state from all the information about his Chinese friend.
“ You mean Mr. I-Don’t-Feel-Any-Emotions-Whatsoever-Yuy? He actually has a preference? And its guys? What about Relena at least?”
“ You’d be surprised how much someone can change Duo.” You have no idea Q-man. “ And besides from what I gathered Heero was merely a desperate attempt to try and keep herself from the truth about her ‘preferences’.” Duo stares with genuine shock this time.
“ You mean Relena is…” He can’t finish
“ Yup, just like the rest of us. But don’t let her lover hear you comparing her to the likes of us, she’d have our skin!” If it were possible Duo’s gorgeous eyes get even bigger.
“ Her lover?” His voice cracking.
“ Yup. One Miss Dorothy Catalonia.” With this last bit of information Duo slumps back, shaking his head in mock horror.
“ Q-man, if your goal was to come here and make me die of shock you’ve near succeeded.” Quatre laughs as his friend struggles to keep down his own fit of merriment. Finally it all comes out and the two reunited friends clutch each other helplessly as they relate some of the more shocking points of their conversation.

Outside the door of Duo’s room Hilde smiles happily as she listens to her best friend laughing harder than he had in more months than she cared to count. Yes, this had been a very good thing. This is what Duo needed, to see his boyhood friends again. If she could find a way she would have him see them all, she just had to figure out how.
But Quatre is soon to be the answer once again.

“ Actually, Duo, there is a rather specific reason I came here to see you.” Quatre starts more serious, but his smile is still in place. “ I have come to personally offer an invitation to my birthday party.”
Duo has to stop at this and think. He really wants to see everyone again, but he would be the only one alone. Wufei had his beautiful Prince, Relena had her---uh---Dorothy, Quatre and Trowa had been together for far too long and there couldn’t possibly be a way Heero would have remained single if what he‘d heard from one of the bedrooms at the last party was true. No, it had been too long and Heero had been stunningly gorgeous even when they were barely teens.
“ Wow Kat, I really don’t want to miss that, but Hilde would worry too much about me and she still has to run the salvage yard…” Suddenly the door bursts open with a good amount of force and an arrant Hilde stalks into the room.
“ Duo Maxwell you are not going to stay here while you’re invited to one of your best friend’s birthday! I’m guessing this is a special one right?” Hilde turns her glare to the little blonde who tries not to cower in fear.
“ Of course Hilde! I usually never have a party, but it’s also Trowa and my engagement party. The laws have recently changed allowing same-sex couples to lawful weddings.” Hilde nods once to the Arabian and turns the death glare that could rival Heero’s back to the bed’s other occupant.
“ But Hilde, you always worry with me out of your sight…”
“ Well then I guess I’ll just have to go with you won’t I? Quatre does that sound good to you?” It isn’t exactly a question and is asked without looking at the man in question. The blue haired girl can see Duo is about in a panic, but this is really for his own good. He couldn’t just hide away in this room, in this house forever!
“ Of course Hilde, I was just about to suggest the same thing. You should stay with Duo, I wouldn’t dream of making him come on his own. After all, you’re the one who’s been here the most for him these past years. None of us have more knowledge of what he needs than you.” Hilde can hear the sadness laced in those words and her glare softens. She knows that Duo hadn’t been in contact with any of them since that last party either. It must have hurt them a lot.
Meanwhile, as only Hilde had noticed, Duo is trying quietly not to hyperventilate. He wanted so bad to go back and see his friends, hell he’d go back just to be on earth again. But he doesn’t want them to know he was alone, that almost all this time he’d been absolutely dependant on other people to take care of him: Shinigami, the boy who knew no fear and needed no one. True he’d feel better with Hilde there, but that didn’t stop the pain. He makes one last effort.
“ But Hil, you can’t just leave the salvage yard, who will…”
“ Oh Duo don’t be an idiot. Howard’s more than capable of handling the yard for a couple of weeks. Now Quatre, when did you want to leave?” Duo knows the rest of what he might say would be ignored, so he tries hard not to pout.
“ Oh right away! I have my own private shuttle waiting for us to leave at anytime now I just need to call them.” Hilde smiles broadly.
“ Okay Quatre do that while I help Duo pack. You can wait out in the living room for us.” Quatre knows the girl wants to talk to Duo alone so without reply he pulls Duo into a quick hug and sweeps out of the room. Hilde shuts the door behind him and takes her usual seat on the bed facing the silent ex-pilot. She gives him what she hopes is a reassuring smile.
“ Duo, I know the decision was sort of made without your consent, but you need this. You need to see the rest of your fiends, get back out in the world. I can’t always be the only person you count on, you need other friends. Besides, I know you’re dying to see him.” Duo blushes a deep crimson, ducking his head in embarrassment.
“ Is it that obvious?” She tilts his head up and looks into his eyes with love and compassion.
“ No. But call it woman’s intuition. Duo, you need some happiness in your life, especially now. If you don’t start to live, then they’ve won.” Neither need to specify who “they” are, both know too well. Finally Duo says aloud the fear that had started eating away at him since long before Quatre’s unexpected arrival.
“ But Hil, what if he already has someone? I mean, it’s been almost four years for god sake and I don’t even know he if liked me or could ever like me that way!” Hilde just shakes her head.
“ Then, my dearest Duo, you will just have to move on. If it comes down to that you will see that finally you can let him go and find someone who is more deserving of you, because if there ever was a chance and he never took it, then he’s not worth it.” Duo thinks over these words carefully. A fresh fear envelopes him and he wishes not for the first or hundredth time that he had his long braid to play nervously with.
“ Yeah, but Hilde I never made a move either. Does that mean I’m not worthy of him?” Hilde has no words to answer. This was going to be a long vacation….