Just Once?

Chapter 4

Past Mistakes

Ed’s eyes slowly opened. Roy’s arms still surrounded him and he snuggled closer into his embrace. He didn’t remember falling back asleep, but was glad they both did. It wasn’t often he let himself indulge in a morning in bed. In fact, he couldn’t remember ever doing it. He was always too busy trying to figure out a way to make things right again for him and his brother. Al, he thought, would Al understand what happened on this trip? He’d just have to, eventually.

Roy came to him last night, he mused. It must mean their relationship was no longer casual, he thought, as a lazy smile spread on his face. It must be something deeper. Roy must have feelings for him.

Ed looked up at the clock on the nightstand. It was eleven already. He sighed. Should he wake Roy or not? Roy’s arms drew him closer and soft lips kissed the back of his head. “About time you woke up.”

“Mmm, what time is it?” Roy mumbled.

“Eleven.”

Roy’s eyes flashed open. “Eleven? Damn, Ed, you wore me out.” He chuckled softly. “You ready for a shower?” Arousal took hold of Roy again at the thought of rubbing soap over Ed’s body and he gave him a tight squeeze.

“Uh, yeah. D-do you mean, together?” Ed had never showered with anyone before, but he liked the idea of it.

“Of course.” A wicked grin spread across Roy’s lips.

xxx

Roy turned the spigot, making water flow in the shower, and held the glass door open for Ed. He motioned for him to go in and he followed, enjoying the way Ed’s back curved into his small waist and his perfectly shaped behind. “Damn, Ed, you have quite a body. You know that?”

Ed flushed while he picked up the soap. “Oh, so now you’re eyeballing me instead of that waitress.”

Roy wrapped his arms around his young lover from behind, letting the water cascade down the two of them for the moment. “Ed, I’m sorry about that. I have to admit, I liked the fact you got jealous.”

Ed let himself rest against Roy’s chest, frowning. “Roy . . . just don’t do that again.” It felt terrible, he remembered, to watch Roy give that sort of attention to someone else after what they’d shared. But, he should put it behind him, he thought. “Don’t do that and don’t put bugs in my washcloth.” He tried to sound threatening, but he smiled as he thought back to their first night together.

“Okay. Here, let me soap you up.” Roy slowly moved the soap along the planes of Ed’s back, caressing and massaging as he went.

Ed’s head rose and his breath quickened.

Roy looked down into Ed’s face, seeing raw desire in his eyes, between rivulets of water. Firm flesh pressed into his thigh as Ed pushed his hips into him. Roy smiled. “What am I going to do with you?” He lowered his head down and placed soft kisses on his mouth and jaw.

The sumptuous feel of water cascading down Ed’s body, knowing Roy was naked standing next to him, and Roy’s sensual touch on his back overrode his senses and aroused him beyond belief. He placed hasty kisses on Roy’s lips and pressed with urgency against his thigh. Eager for Roy to do something, anything, he craved attention and he wanted it now. As Roy’s lips found his neck, his voice became husky. “Roy, do it again. Put your mouth on me. I want to feel that again.”

Surprise lifted Roy’s brows. Ed was already asking for things? It was going to be a wild ride, he thought, but then what else would he expect from Fullmetal? Ed was like this in everyday life. Why would he be any different in the bedroom? “Ed, slow down a little, let’s take our time.”

“No, Roy, I-I said I want to feel it, again, now.” Ed twisted into Roy’s side. His arousal hummed already, just from rubbing against Roy’s thigh.

“Impatient little bastard,” Roy muttered as he lowered down to Ed’s hips and put his mouth over Ed’s erection.

Ed’s cry filled the shower.

Roy pushed Ed back against the tile wall while pumping Ed’s length in and out of his mouth.

Letting out a loud moan, Ed’s backside hit the cool tiles and he thrust hard into Roy, sending his head back for a moment. His hands roamed around, searching for something to cling to. Finally, they rested in Roy’s hair, gripping it tight.

Ed’s reaction fed Roy’s desire and made him ache. While continuing to stroke Ed’s erection with is lips and tongue, Roy decided to try an Ed move. He placed his soapy hand over his erection and pumped hard and quick on himself.

Ed lowered his gaze and watched Roy pleasure himself. The sight of it forced his climax to rush forward. He thrust hard into Roy and felt his legs start to buckle while waves of pleasure rippled through his body.

A surge of fluid spurted into Roy’s mouth and he lapped and swallowed it with ease. Feeling Ed’s knees bending, he put an arm around his legs in order to steady him. When the motions of Ed’s hips quieted, Roy rose up to stand next to Ed and wrapped his arms around him, holding him near until his breathing slowed.

“Roy, watching you do that was intense. I liked it.” A soft smile played on Ed’s lips. He began to kiss Roy’s chest, sucking and nipping at his skin. At the same time he lowered his flesh hand and wrapped it over Roy’s erection. Ed watched Roy thrust into his hand and moan. “Is this what you want, or do you want me to put my mouth on you?” Ed’s face held pure enjoyment.

“Uh, Ed, this is, fine.” Roy didn’t know if he would last long either way after witnessing Ed’s quick and passionate climax. Reaching an arm out, Roy steadied himself on the wall while Ed stroked and kissed him. He couldn’t believe how much sex they were having. It was like a dream come true. A delicious tension built in his groin. He knew he was close. His body began to tremble and he struggled to maintain his position.

Ed’s hand jerked faster, tighter over Roy’s erection, sending him over the edge. Roy let out a series of sharp gasps and tensed his face as his release hit, sending delicious spasms through his body.

xxx

Roy wore a civilian suit while he sat next to Ed in a taxi after making a short phone call back to Central and having an uneventful lunch. “So, Hawkeye says this camp is full of Ishballans.” Roy glanced at Ed before returning his gaze out the window.

“You really think they’re responsible for all the unrest here?” Ed scowled a bit, not sure if he believed they could be as sinister as Roy thought they were.

Roy shifted his gaze back to Ed and studied him. “Yes, I do. Now, remember, this is a fact-finding mission only. You are not to start something, it’s too dangerous.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Ed sighed.

Roy watched the buildings of the city give way to open space and thought about the task at hand. He hadn’t faced an Ishballan encampment since the war, when he was forced to commit numerous atrocities against them. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was more than a little nervous about it. His skin began to tingle as if he was being stared at. He turned his head to find Edward gawking at him. He leaned over to him and whispered, “Ed, quit looking at me like that and focus on our mission, will you?”

Blushing, Ed shifted his gaze to the window. “Well, quit doing whatever it is your doing.” He didn’t even realize he was gawking at Roy again. He couldn’t help it. Roy just looked so damned stunning in the suit he put on this morning. He kept finding himself captivated by Roy, now that he allowed his true feelings to come to the surface.

Roy scoffed and gave Ed a smug smile.

Ed took a sideways glance at Roy’s hand position, craving a physical connection to him.

Roy noticed Ed searching the seat between them and realized Ed may be looking for his hand. He moved it away from its position on his lap, covered Ed’s flesh hand, and squeezed.

A faint smile spread on Ed’s lips just before he returned his gaze to the window.

It surprised Roy to see this side of Edward, the softer, sweet young man that hid behind a stubborn, impulsive exterior. He was also surprised by how fond he was becoming of him. It almost resembled love, he thought.

The car pulled up to a mish-mash of hastily strewn together buildings and tents. Some of the buildings were nothing more than bits of plywood held together with rope. All around there were dark-skinned people in tattered robes. A feeling of hopelessness infiltrated the atmosphere.

Roy leaned forward. “Wait for us.” He handed a wad of cash forward to the driver.

The driver nodded. “Certainly, sir.”

The pair climbed out of the car and strolled side-by-side through the garbage-strewn streets. Both ignored the stares their presence attracted as they studied their surroundings, not quite sure what they were looking for, just something out of the ordinary.

Roy and Ed stopped at a stand and bought coffee. As they drank, they tried to make small talk with the people also enjoying their beverages. They each told lies about who they were and why they were here, trying to gain confidence in the local populace.

Finally, Roy leaned toward Ed and whispered, “Find anything?”

Ed kept his voice soft and continued to scan the area. “It seems these people really hate the military. What the hell did you do to them anyway?”

Roy winced. “It’s a long story and I’d rather not go into it.” Suddenly, what appeared to be a teenage boy in one of the alleyways caught his attention.

The boy glared at Roy from under a dark hood.

Something about the boy seemed off and ominous, sparking Roy’s interest.

The boy gave Roy an evil smirk and ran off.

Immediately, Roy rose up and gave chase.

“Wait!” Ed scrambled after Roy, wondering why the hell he was chasing that kid. As he dashed through ambling people, he lost sight of Roy for a few minutes, making fear rush through him. Finally, Roy came back into view down a deserted alley.

Roy held the boy against the wall of a shack, glaring at him, with the front of the boy’s robe in his fist. The boy’s hood was removed.

Ed raced down the alley and slowed to a stop next to Roy. “Roy, what happened? Did he do something to you?” Ed’s eyes darted between the boy and Mustang.

Roy released his grip on the boy, stepped back, and lowered his head.

The boy turned his face toward Edward.

Horrible scarring from old burns made Ed gasp and cover his mouth. It appeared nearly half his face was ruined. The boy was missing an eye and the hair on a good portion of his head. The scars made him appear grotesque, melted on one side.

The boy stomped toward Ed with an evil grin on his face, making him prepare to clap his hands in order to defend himself. Why was Roy just standing there, he wondered?

When the boy got close enough, he scanned Ed up and down. A crooked finger rose to point at Roy. “He did this! I’ll never forget his face. It’s his fault my family died. It’s his fault I’m forced to live in the shadows!” He waited for a moment, with his one eye beseeching Ed. Suddenly, he pulled the hood back over his head and sped away.

Stunned, Ed was unable to move. Was it true, he wondered? Judging by the dejected way Roy was hunched over, he figured it probably was. But why, what sort of circumstances would cause Roy to commit such a heinous act?

Ed came back to his senses and trotted to Roy’s side. He tried to peer up into Roy’s face, but Roy twisted his head away from him. He put his arm around Roy and felt him trembling. Ed looked around quickly to see if anyone was within sight of them, wanting to calm Roy, but knowing the elder man wouldn’t allow it in public. He squeezed the arm around Roy tighter. “Roy, let me take you back to the hotel.”

Roy nodded his dark head.

Ed led him away from the alley, through the crowd and back to the taxi. Apprehension gripped Ed’s chest. He’d never seen Roy this disturbed.

The ride back to the hotel seemed to take forever. Ed kept watch over Roy and maintained his hand on Roy’s thigh, caressing softly, trying to preserve their connection.

Roy silently stared into the driver’s back seat.

When they reached the hotel, Ed climbed out of the taxi and immediately went to Roy’s side again. “Here, let me help you.” His voice was soft and gentle.

Roy gave a faint nod of his head.

Ed placed a hand on Roy’s elbow and guided him through the front doors.

As they neared the sundries shop, Roy yanked away from Ed and strode inside.

“Hey.” Ed followed Roy into the shop, stood in the doorway, and folded his arms over his chest.

Roy paced the liquor bottles against the far wall before selecting a bottle of scotch. He seized the bottle and trudged to the cash register to pay for it. After giving the cashier his money, Roy took a quick, sad glance at Ed, grabbed the sack holding his bottle, and brushed by him.

Roy strode fast as he could now. He had to get to his room and numb himself before the shock wore off of whom he’d found. He never thought he’d see that poor boy again. He was told the house held militia, not a family. When he’d burned it to the ground, he’d found the charred remains of two adults and a small child sitting around a table, probably eating dinner when he attacked, he supposed. Then this boy came out of the ashes, he’d somehow survived but was burned beyond recognition. Roy had carried the boy to the medics and hoped they could save him, somehow make him whole again. In his grief, he’d been unable to check up on the boy. Instead a horrible depression consumed him and made him almost take his own life. If it weren’t for his plan to become Fuhror so he could prevent something like that from ever happening again, and his inability to pull the trigger on himself, he would have died long ago.

Ed followed Roy without a word. The situation was beyond his comprehension. He watched Roy put the key in his lock and turn the knob on his door.

Roy walked into his room and slammed the door shut.

Stunned for a moment, Ed stood at the door, staring, before raising his fists to pound on it. “Roy, let me in! Let me help you!” Surely Roy would let him in. They had something together now, right? The door remained closed. Ed pounded at the door again, more persistent this time. “Roy! Let me in, damn-it!” He rested his forehead against the door, but still the door didn’t open.

He couldn’t believe Roy wouldn’t want him right now. Maybe he should use alchemy to open the door? He clapped his hands together. Wait, if Roy didn’t want him, he just didn’t want him. Tears pooled in his eyes while rejection ate at his insides. Maybe they weren’t as close as he thought? Maybe it was just a casual affair to Roy?

With his hands turning into fists, he banged furiously on the door and screamed, his voice heavy with emotion, “Roy, open the damn door, right now!” Still, there was no response.

Defeated and sniffling back unshed tears, Ed ambled slowly to his own room, stepped inside, and walked to his bedside. He sat down on the edge of his mattress. Feelings of helplessness and abandonment swirled in his chest. After a few minutes of feeling sorry for himself, he decided to call Hawkeye, the Colonel’s long time assistant. Maybe she could shed some light on what happened and what he should do?

Ed repositioned himself on the bed next to the phone, sitting on the nightstand. After picking up the receiver, he dialed Riza Hawkeye’s number and tried to collect himself. Ed heard the phone ring once, twice, three times.

“Central, this is Hawkeye.”

“Hawkeye? This is Fullmetal,” he said in as steady a voice as he could muster.

“Yes, what is it?”

He took a quick gulp, running his flesh finger over the curves of the phone. “Uh, something’s happened and I need some information.”

“You two are all right out there, I hope. You haven’t killed each other or anything.” She let out a soft chuckle.

Ed’s anger flared. “This is serious. Roy is in trouble.” He winced, realizing the uncharacteristic name he used for the Colonel. How was he going to hide his feelings when they get back if he couldn’t even hide them over the phone?

Hawkeye straightened in her chair, catching the slip. “What’s happened? Is he hurt?”

“Well, not physically. There was this scarred boy at the camp. Mustang found him and the boy accused him of killing his family and burning him.”

“Damn . . . ” She knew the story. She’d read the report. She’d also been around for the last few months of Roy’s depression and heard through the grapevine that he’d tried to kill himself. Sudden fear raced through her body. “Ed, where is the Colonel now?” Her voice was close to being frantic.

Ed was surprised to hear her almost lose her cool. “H-he’s in his room, why?”

“Does he have a gun?” Alarm grew in her voice.

Ed gasped in shock at the direction she took. “W-well I guess so.” Dread started to grip his heart, overrunning the pain of the rejection.

“Listen to me, Edward. You need to get into that room, no matter what it takes. He’s a danger to himself. I knew he shouldn’t have gone there with you. I tried to get him to stay, but he wouldn’t listen. Damn-it!”

“S-so, he did it? I mean, he really killed that boy’s family? He really burned that poor kid?” He still couldn’t quite get his mind around it.

“It was an accident, Ed. The report says they thought the house was full of rebels. You know he’d never knowingly burn a house down with a family in it, no matter what his orders were. He never forgave himself for it. Now please, you have to get to him!” she shouted.

Immediately slamming the phone back on its holder, Ed ran from the room with his red robe billowing behind him.