No Regrets

PrincessKay: Here you are, dear. Have an update!

Baroqueangel: Well, on the bright side, being adorable does seem to make up a bit for being a little slow on the uptake about Ed. Also, cookies make everything better (shameless reference to this next chapter)

animegeik: Alright, so the first time around I had this huge response for you. Then, I went to post the chapter and the internets ate it, so hopefully better luck this time. As much as reviews that fawn in a nondescript way over your story are good for the ego, they're not really helpful. Don't get me wrong, I adore positive reviews, but I always appreciate specifics the most whether it's something like, "______ line in your story really touched me" or whether it's suggestions of where I could improve. I've already gotten up to chapter 7 written and posted, so I don't want to go back and edit them, just for the fact that they're already in public domain so to speak. I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind in future writing, though, so thanks a bunch. Also, I was pretty sure I was formatting my dialogue incorrectly, but I wasn't sure, and somehow my creative writing professor last semester never caught that, so I got in a habit of it. Thanks for clearing that up for me!

moonlit dew: There are more where those came from, promise! I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's such a huge compliment when people are actually engaged with your writing instead of just passively reading.




Eventually, Roy asked Ed again about his ‘project’ and again Ed promised him a report very soon, looking incredibly nervous all the while. He’d dropped the subject, thinking over his options.

Befriending Ed was going to take time. It was time he wasn’t sure he had. Even if he did manage it, the idea wasn’t foolproof. Ed had to be working on this project sometime though, and maybe… just maybe if he could follow him without getting caught, he’d figure out what it was.

He managed some excuse to get out from under Riza’s thumb. Now, he just had to find Ed.

Roy started at the library. He searched rows of books, corridors and empty rooms, but turned up no blond haired hellion of an alchemist. He resorted to asking the librarians, but still, absolutely nothing.

Trying to ignore the epic waste of time that little expedition had been, he moved on, racking his brain for other possible places Ed could be. He couldn’t check the dorms because if Al answered, he might worry, and if Ed answered he’d have to explain why exactly he was there.

In the end, Roy gave in, sure he’d come up with some sort of excuse. He walked up the steps to their room, rapping sharply at the door. There was no answer. Roy knocked once more, but no one came.

He could always just go in. Perhaps Ed would have left some hint as to what he was up to. Somehow, running off with notes, even from someone as disorganized as Edward Elric, seemed like an awful idea, even in theory. Roy quickly cast the idea aside and moved on.

X

It was when he reached the cemetery that he found his first clue as to Ed’s whereabouts. Remembering the list, he made his way to an old friend’s gravestone, wondering what he’d find there, if anything at all.

It was rather elegant, actually. If he hadn’t known, he would never have guessed it to be Ed’s handiwork, and in retrospect, that was probably the point. The flowers looked real, felt real, but held an air of immortality to them, as if the petals could not be torn beneath one’s fingers or the stalks plucked from the ground. He didn’t bother to venture a guess as to where Ed had gotten the picture, but he’d chosen it well. That was the one Hughes had flashed around most often, an affectionate depiction of the entire family.

Roy considered the scene in front of him in combination with everything else, and drew two conclusions. Ed was startlingly observant when he wanted to be, in ways that most people never really took notice of. Ed had also chosen seemingly innocuous things that would honestly touch the people they were meant for. Something had to be very wrong indeed for him to be on that list.

X

He wasn’t sure how, but eventually, Roy’s search brought him back to the library. There was Ed though, reclined on the floor, head resting against his little brother’s arm. Al looked beseechingly at Roy, as much as one could from a steel mask, as if begging him not to wake the younger man.

It was disturbing how absolutely exhausted Ed looked, as if all the life was seeping out of him. Roy couldn’t help but wonder if his pleasant change in attitude was not to be attributed to maturity and effort so much as absolute exhaustion. He simply nodded to Al, leaving them be to go grab dinner. It wasn’t as if Ed was going to be leaving any time soon.

Roy considered his options as he walked down the street to a nearby deli. Ed looked bad. Even in sleep he seemed more worn than he had been that day at the diner. He was sleeping in a place that normally would have held his attention for hours. It only served to drive Roy further into worry that he had to fix this, and he had to do it soon. He didn’t have any more time to worry and scheme and try to trick Ed into telling him what he needed to know to protect the younger man.

The thought was no longer foreign to him, wanting to protect Ed. He didn’t even notice that it had evolved into something else, something beyond looking out for a subordinate. Ed had lived a life of utter insanity, and somewhere along the way, he’d grown up and become something altogether new to Roy’s senses. Even before the whole uniform stint, he’d been changing, and as Roy walked he realized this had been a long time coming. He was helpless against the onslaught that Ed volleyed at him without even meaning to. Perhaps that was most ridiculously beautiful part. Ed had gotten his attention without even meaning to, and now he was finding when he sat in his office, he missed the day at the park, sitting silently by the younger man and just being. Ed was a soul made of heat and beauty and wicked flames, and Roy never could resist the pull of fire.

X

Ed was shaking his head very groggily when Roy returned. He blinked a few times, tilting his head to the side with a resounding pop, and then tilting it the other way until he achieved the same result.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked curiously.

“You looked hungry,” Roy offered, holding out a bag to the younger man.

“I was sleepy. How could I look anything?” Ed asked, taking it anyway and immediately poking his head inside.

“You’re always hungry,” Roy noted, sitting at the table Ed had pulled himself off the floor to get to and grabbing a sandwich from the bag. “It was a safe guess.”

Ed said nothing, and Roy forced himself to hold back a smile at the way Ed’s cheeks grew pink when their hands accidently touched.

“I’m going to go find some more books, brother. Enjoy your dinner!” Al was gone before Ed could stop him, and he sighed heavily, biting into a sandwich.

“What do you want?” Ed asked again through a mouth full of ham and bread and cheese.

“Just happened by and figured I’d say hello,” Roy responded, schooling his features, determined not to give anything away.

“You know, you’re not a very good liar when it comes down to it,” Ed shrugged, not pushing any further.

This was a rather different issue than he was used to. Apparently, his normal Colonel Mustang knows best smirk was not going to work in this situation, because Ed wasn’t looking at him like he normally did in the office. He wanted to pretend that he knew everything and that Ed just would have to let that be that, but the younger man wasn’t having any of it, not this time.

“That was some rather beautiful handiwork of yours,” Roy tried another tactic, “I’m sure Gracia will appreciate it.”

“Is it really necessary for you to not only follow, but comment on, my every move?” Ed asked, but there was no venom in the tired words that seeped out.

“You certainly know how to take a compliment.”

“Well, you certainly know how to beat around the bush instead of just telling me why you came to the library and brought me dinner,” Ed was looking at him again with an odd sort of look not so different than the one he’d seen at the diner.

“I was,” Roy chewed thoughtfully, trying to buy enough time to come up with a better word than worried, one that would take this away from the attraction that he did not feel for Ed, and steered into the safety of work.

“You were… in the neighborhood? Out of other people to tease? Missing me just that much that you had to come all the way here just to see me and ply me with food so I’d talk to you?” Ed sounded like he was trying to sound suspicious, but it mostly came out in good humor, punctuated with a soft, positively heart stopping, brilliant as a sunrise, smile.

“I was concerned. Your behavior has been rather erratic lately,” Roy responded, trying to pull himself back together and hoping he didn’t look quite as scattered as he felt.

“You used that excuse already,” Ed calmly shot back, eyes lighting up upon the discovery of cookies. Roy really couldn’t help but smile then at the way something so simple could make such a complicated person like Edward, really happy for a minute.

“You’re still acting weird.”

“You brought me cookies.”

“That’s entirely besides the point.”

“You brought me cookies. How did you know? I’ve been wanting snickerdoodles all day!”

“That’s really not why I came,” Roy insisted, but it was a delightful change to see that smile directed at him and he might just have to do things like this more often just for the privilege of seeing that look again.

“You brought me cookies. I could almost hug you right now.”

“I never knew you were so easy, Edward.”

That look, on the other hand, was positively lethal.

“I’m not easy. You… you just…umm…” and now Ed was blushing, and how on earth did his brain shift gears and moods so fast?

“I just what?” Roy couldn’t resist.

“Oh shut up. Cookies only buy you so much leeway,” Ed fumed, biting into a sugar and cinnamon covered disk. His eyes shut and he looked like he might be in heaven, completely forgetting Roy was even there. He’d definitely have to remember that.

“What’d you really want, anyway?” Ed asked.

“How’s your project coming along?”

“You’re still on about that?” Ed let out a soft puff of air, “I told you I’ll write you up one of those big, dumb reports you love as soon as I’m done.”

“I’m not asking for a report. You could just tell me, you know, and save us both a lot of hassle.” Ed’s nose wiggled just a little bit as he thought about Roy’s request.

“I think I figured out how to get Al’s body back,” he said finally.

“You acquired a Philosopher’s Stone?”

“No. It’s nothing like that. I think I’ve figured out how to do it without killing thousands of innocent people, thanks so much,” and for just a minute, a hint of Ed’s pride at his own ingenuity, and excitement at the prospect of atoning for his sins shone through the exhaustion.

“It’s not something stupid and dangerous, is it?” Roy cocked an eyebrow.

“It’s too complicated to explain,” Ed began, but Roy cut him off.

“You are brilliant, and Al makes a very good translator, and I’m not quite so lacking in intelligence as you seem to believe.”

“No, no. That won’t work. Al doesn’t know, can’t know yet,” and Ed was pleading and practically falling out of his chair begging for Roy’s silence, which probably meant it was something Al would be angry about and put Ed in severe danger.

“I see,” Roy pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. There was little chance of talking Ed out of his, but maybe, just maybe if he could figure out what he was doing, he could stop it.

“Please just let it go for now?”

“I have to go,” Roy stood, pushing the chair back into place.

“Please?”

“Fine, Edward, but you better not go do something stupid like dying, because then I’d have more paperwork to do and your brother would probably murder me and then all of Amestris would suffer because I’d never be Fuhrer.”

“You know, you could have just said you’d miss me,” Ed grinned, at ease once more knowing his secret was safe.

“What’s to miss? Not like I can see you anyway.”

“That was low. Haven’t you noticed I’ve outgrown your insults?”

“Here I thought you were just feigning responsibility to get my attention, because you’ve gotta do something. I can hardly see you over the table,” Roy grinned at the way Ed was obviously trying very, very hard to school his features into something that wasn’t angry.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t do it for you.”

“I have a hard time believing that,” Roy countered.

“Hawkeye likes when people are professional and stuff,” Ed explained.

“You have a crush on Hawkeye?”

“No! Where the hell did you get that idea?”

“She just seemed an odd person to do a favor for is all.”

“Well, I mean… She watches out for… Well, someone owes her a favor, and I figured I might as well do something nice since I could,” Ed finished, his entire face about the color of his coat.

“You’ve been doing a lot of rather nice things lately,” Roy couldn’t resist egging him on, just a little further. Perhaps if he just got him flustered enough, he’d say something helpful.

“I…” and Ed stopped, eyes like golden saucers, frozen like his heart had just bottomed out and left him bereft of life in general.

“I really have to go,” he finally said, slipping from his chair and past Roy, body trembling at the contact between them as he did.

Roy sighed. Someday he’d figure out how to have a conversation with Ed without it ending in the young man running away.