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What I series	By : makochan0217 Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 381 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Dun own Gundam Wing. sniffs Make no money. cries

Chapter List
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Author's Notes:
Well, I took a break from WoW and found my muses trying to eat me alive. And what better way than to come back with Relena angst this time, huh?

I know you love him. I watch you watching him. I see you secretly agonizing over the same things that I do. I see the loneliness and the distance that is put between you and other people eating you alive. I see you so near to cracking that it breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could say or do or�. Just anything.
I don�t know when I started to fall for you. Maybe it was between the wars, when we had that one year of peace. Maybe it was after that. You know, we�ve been to many conferences and meetings together. We think along the same lines about some things. I just wish that there was some way to make you see that pining after Trowa and taking your aggression out on the Trowa in your mind isn�t going to help you.
If anyone should know, it�s gotta be me. I chased after Heero for a year, and then spent two years after that having him constantly watching me from the shadows. It doesn�t help to be mad at him anymore for the �love� that I thought I felt for him. He was my first crush, but I think I may actually love you. Real love. Not some fairy tale prince that�s come to sweep me away and make all the bad guys hide in fear, but some sensible, funny, kind, caring, slightly unbalanced guy that I respect and care for and would like to know better. Isn�t that really what love is about?
You know, Heero told me that he loved me once. I guess it�s been about a year since he told me. During the wars, I thought that there would be nothing better than to hear the words �I love you, Relena� fall from that man�s lips, but when they did, I grew sad. I was so sad and overcome that I started crying. Dorothy thought I was crying out of joy and relief. She just doesn�t understand what a burden it is to know that he loves me and that I can�t love him that same way, ever. I guess I had some much needed growing up to do and I did it. I�m just sorry that it hurt the one person who doesn�t need to be hurt again.
I�d like to be able to work up the nerve to tell you that if you ever needed someone to talk to that you could come to me. I�d like to. Parts of me worry that you�d start laughing and then tell me to go ahead and tell you another one. Not that I think you�re that insensitive, but it�s really hard to put myself out on a limb after so much has happened to me in the last four or so years.
You�re not the only one who�s jealous of Duo and Wufei�s newfound happiness with one another. It kills me to see them together, although they do make a lovely couple. I have to force myself to smile and nod when I speak to them. Not that it�s their fault. Far from it. It�s just really sucky that I can�t be one of them or at least have what they have. I think I deserve it, don�t I? Shouldn�t I have something that nice? Something that solid? Real? Beautiful? Stable?
God, I�m crying. Quatre, why can�t you just realize that I love you?
I�m such a stupid girl. I never asked for any of this. Just�.
LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU VULTURES! CAN�T YOU EVEN LET ME CRY IN PEACE??? DIE!
What I should have is something I never will. I know that now. I�ll never have love, peace of mind, a private life. All the things that normal people take for granted will never be mine. How I hate them all�.
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What I series