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All of My Hate	By : TristaML Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7494 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any of it's characters and I do not make any money from writing this piece of fan fiction.

Chapter List
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I have a lot to say:
First, thank you Cara9001 and kit-kit and all who read my stories!
To Cara, I can't say that it will be consistently chronological, but I can say that the story will move forward in real-time, with snippets of the past, if that makes sense. I can also not say that Raditz will be the only focus in Vegeta's past.
I just recently watched the DBZ movie Resurrection "F"- I loved it, btw! However, it's amusing in an ironic sort of way because that time line is sort of the time-line I was writing this on. I didn't really take into consideration the DBZ movie Battle of the Gods, either, although I will say Akira Toriyama's continuation of the DBZ story line is much better than anything GT ever did and it was a childhood dream to watch a DBZ movie on the big screen. I had a wonderful time in the theater. That being said (I won't ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it) this is obviously an A/U, and quite obviously a work in progress.
My computer went out on me a while ago and so I have not been able to write at all. I'm still toying with ideas in my head about what this story will entail, although I have a plot, it's not concrete, so I will answer honestly out right that any questions you may have I probably don't have the answers for. That doesn't mean don't ask them, that just means don't be surprised if I have no response.
I will always love this fandom, and I read many of the works out there on AFF all the time, but this, for me, is a creative and emotional outlet, as well as a platform to express and improve myself. I cannot make promises anymore in this arena, I can only make an effort. So if you don't mind bearing with me, I hope to entertain and nothing more. My passion is still here but my drive is not.
Enjoy

::: Irony :::
    I am an extreme-minded person because my life has never been anything less than a whirlwind between multiple extremes. I went through phases of denial, self-righteousness, obsession, and anger before I came to the acceptance of all the events which have shaped my life. The journey on the way has taken everything out of me and left me ultimately where I stand today: more confused and hallow, knowing only that I waste more time now than ever before. Mostly because I've spent so much energy on the wrong things in the past, and now I have no idea how to deal with the present, or plan a future.
   Too late I realized that there was misplacement of emotion as categorized by my mind. Envy, hatred, irritation, mockery, revenge... Those are the only ways I ever knew how to communicate. That was all I was ever taught after the destruction of my home. Sometimes I remember all the regal social qualities that were first taught to me and I think of how far I have fallen from my own birth-right. I was not brought up on hatred and punishment, yet even when I wish to try to make amends with my former self I can't seem to let the events that followed go. Frieza got more from me than he knows, I will forever be tormented by the simple fact that I can no longer be who I was meant to be.
   In fact, someone else has taken my place.
   I would say I hate him, as I am completely right to, but what I feel for him is something totally different, and as hard as I try to pass it off for several other things over the long years, whatever feelings I do have towards him still baffle me. I find myself struggling, no, more than just unwilling to stand by him without constantly trying to find some sort of explanation for him. I can't see where he fits into my life or where I fit into his, but he's here, nonetheless. He wants me to care for him... But... I can't "care" for him the way he wishes. It is as though it is not within my powers as a Saiyan to do so.
   I could never have anticipated his moves on me. After his initial actions got things started the roles changed and now I am the one who initiates each rendezvous. Instinctually he has realized that, and he waits for me now. That's the way that I prefer it; him on the sidelines and myself as the star player. [The way it was meant to be.] I hold the power here. I make him wait, not with pleasure but with complicated intrigue. Deep down I know that I am trying to break him and for once not in a physical way, but spiritually. I wonder what the last straw will be for him. I wonder when he'll grow tired of my games and finally wish to have nothing to do with me.
   (It is a game I must play. Like I said, I have lost all that was once morally sound in me. I have learned to handle all situations like I do on the battlefield with the questions, "What's in it for me?" and "How do I get out alive?" never mind the scars left behind or the gap of lost intelligence in those concerns.)
   I could lie and tell myself I'd prefer it if we stopped seeing one another, but we have done that before and I can admit I can't help but keep calling him back to me. Though in the beginning our time together was always short, secret, and silent, now it has become something more of an actual "dating," believe it or not, making plans to do things in and out of the city, both alone as well as with some of our own acquaintances.
   I sense his disdain towards me at times, and I could make a few guesses at what he's upset with me about, but he never voices it. He never tells me he's unhappy with me so I have no way of gauging what exactly it is that I do that makes him sad. In fact, I think he hides those emotions more than I ever could, and smiles his way through his solemn thoughts about me.
   That is another thing that I could never do. I have always been more apt to voice my anger. The one time he did piss me off I told him I wanted time apart and asked him what he thought about that. He refused to talk down to me about anything even when I had quite a few harsh words to say to him. He simply said he thought I was wrong, but he would honor my wishes.
   That month was rough, I don't know why. Maybe because I would subtly try to call him to me, and he was more or less unresponsive, both ignoring me but at the same time treating me as though nothing had happened, still attentive, still caring. Halfway through our time apart he told me he missed me, and I said the same, but nothing came of it. I waited for him to be pushy and come to me for once, but he never did. I eventually invited him over and as awkward as the first few hours were, what with my tip-toeing around him, and his gracious and humble behavior welcoming but distant, I knew I couldn't stay "broken up" with him. After laying down in bed together we decided that we would try it again and both be more open this time around.
   I can't decide exactly how I feel about him nor what I want from him, or if I want it to go on or end for good. In the back of my mind I wonder if it would be best that I end it before something else does.
   This is a conversation I dare not have. Whenever he tells me he cares for me I tell him it's too soon. He persists, and I love it, and I hate it. I'm afraid to let myself become attached. Does he know that? He must. Does he know why? I doubt it.
   I've told him I think he needs some time to grow up, some time experiencing things that will force him to learn more about his person, but what has ever made Kakarot change? Kakarot is Kakarot, and nothing could change him. Nothing. His ignorant childhood tendencies cannot outrun intelligence. We both know he is quick to gather wisdom and slow to reveal it.
   Is it I who have become a faceless, foolish, shell of a Saiyan? Am I just a man with no true passion that isn't warped from a desire that has only ever caused or will cause destruction to myself?
   How much longer can he bare to put up with me willing him closer and then pushing him away?
   In this way I toy with him to find out how much he's willing to take, and figure out how far my interests in him go, like a scientist toying with the livelihood of a unnamed life-form.
   ::: The In Between :::
   Vegeta only smirks at me every time I'm at Bulma's, never saying a word. I know what that smirk is about. It's about my Dad. I still don't know exactly what it means though.
   Dad has been quieter than usual lately, but no less cheerful, I don't know what to think about that either. It's as though he has something on his mind, I didn't think he ever thought about anything but food and training. It must be Vegeta.
   I know they have something similar to a romantic relationship but I don't get it. I guess I shouldn't wonder about them but I suppose it's been so calm recently that I have nothing else to think about. Videl and Pan only take up so much of my time, I finally understand why my Dad thought it was okay to go away for so long. I finally understand what Vegeta meant by taking my life into my own hands.
   Why am I so restless?
   Is that why their rendezvous has them in such good spirits? Does cheating on their wives and fooling their families give them a rush? I like to think there is more to it than that but I'm not good at talking to my Dad about his personal business and Vegeta doesn't talk about his.
   It's a hot day, today, I think as I take another sip of the lemonade that Pan made for me. I suddenly sense Trunks coming my way. There's not much time before he gets here to wonder what the rush is all about.
   "Gohan!" he yells from a distance, his face is neither upset nor happy, "Gohan! Where's Goku?!"
   Oh, it's not meant for me to have some excitement in my life, is it? "He's out fishing," I say as he lands, "What's going on?"
   "You are never going to believe this!"
   Goten comes out of my parents house, which is conveniently located right beside mine. He cries Trunks' name, happy to see his best friend.
   "Good, Goten, come here I have something to tell you both! I wish Goku was here!" Trunks smiles, and something about his determination to keep up waiting is working. I am now on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to explain. I take another drink as he says, "A man came today, well if you can call him that, he's an alien, anyway- He came looking for my father, he even asked for 'Prince' Vegeta!"
   "Really?" Goten asked. I'm too intrigued to interrupt.
   "Yes! Listen!" Trunks said with excitement, "I called for my father and the moment that he came to the door he seemed to recognize the guy, and he asked me to leave them in private. Of course I didn't go far. I listened from just inside the house. Let me tell you what they were talking about!"
   "What?" I finally asked, wanting to hear the content more now than ever.
   "The man told my father he has been summoned for arrest!"
   "Arrest? Vegeta?! No way, who are these people?" Goten laughed.
   "Hush!" I glared at Goten, too impatient for his interruptions, "Go on Trunks..."
   "Ya, but, then he went on to say that a court ruling somewhere or another tried him and found his crimes to be pardonable on account of the events on Namek! Since the Ginyu-somethings are dead, and Frieza and his empire are out of commission, his crimes as a warlord under Frieza's reign have been wiped out- but that's not all! Apparently he has been asked to attend a meeting of some sorts, and he has an account that was set up for him in a bank on some other planet with all of his inheritance!"
   The look of shock on my face could not be lost as Goten cried, "Whoa!"
   "There's a catch, though, and look, I may not have all of the facts right, but from what I understand he has to go through some ritual or something, signing papers and whatever, and he owes some duty to this guy on a planet called Nartal."
   "Trunks, did you even ask Vegeta about all of this before you flew out here?" I suddenly wondered aloud.
   "Of course not! I flew off the moment they left to go have dinner!"
   "Have dinner?" Goten asked, "Why?"
   "Why, to sort things out of course, it's a business dinner..."
   "You said this guy looked like an alien?" Goten asked, wondering how the humans on Earth would deal with a freakish looking being at a local restaurant.
   "No, I said he is an alien; he looks humanoid," Trunks stated matter-of-factly.
   "Inheritance?" I guessed, "From his kinship on Planet Vegeta... Like gold of some sort?"
   Trunks nodded and shook his head in turn, "I'm not sure, I imagine something like that. Father seemed perturbed and intrigued... but he always seems like that, especially when Goku's around. I wish Goku was here! I would love to tell him the news!"
   "Trunks," Goten tried to speak but was interrupted.
   "My father didn't hesitate to leave with the guy at all."
   "Well, what does this mean, Trunks? Is your Dad gonna leave the planet?"
   "Wouldn't you?"
   The two of them rambled on as I thought at Saiyan speed about all the aspects of this rumored event.
   ::: A Matter of Time :::
   Vegeta and I have plans in an hour. The time drags as I wait, yet flies as I plan. It's like humor, sometimes it's laugh-out-loud funny, distracting and moving, and sometimes it's only worth a hearty chuckle, a moment enjoyed then forgotten.
   My stomach almost aches when we're apart, but when I am with him I could be sick and still feel better than if I was alone. I have no reason to feel that way. What he's given me is half-hearted at best...Or is it?
   Sometimes I have insight to him, whether grounded or not. I see that he is someone who requires more than what he asks for. When he demands no help is needed or when he says it's nothing, is when he needs the most. I could never understand that before... How can someone live so proudly? Weakly, I would think, but no, he not only manages... but somehow he has thrived.
   Now it's come down to it and he is late.
   I don't like to pry into his life so up until now I haven't tried to feel out where he is, but now that I have I find he is with someone who I have never met before. Normally I would prefer not to interfere, but I'm a little edgy for several reasons, the biggest being that I don't recognize this ki signature so I'm off.
   "Kakarot," Vegeta stands up, as though he anticipated my unexpected arrival.
   I nodded at him in respect before my attention became full on the being across the table to him.
   "Huntre, this is Kakarot," Vegeta explained before any questions could arise. He licked his lips as he looked me up and down and then his vision went square into this aliens eyes, "He is the last of my blood."
   I wished to smile and say a nice greeting but before I could do either the man said, "Ah, yes, Goku," he gave Vegeta a sidelong glance, "Or by birth, Kakarot, we've heard much about you." He looked at me much as Vegeta had, yet so very different. He added, "It is much to my pleasure to have met you so early on, there are things we have yet to discuss that involve you." He grinned a wide grin.
   Vegeta did not.
   I looked at my Prince longingly, as though an explanation would come to me without words, some sort of silent resolution I felt was owed to me, but Vegeta hardly looked my way. He remained as stoic as ever. Normally I would think he was playing his part, but I've begun to think he constantly plays some sort of role, as though he were a sturdy and predictable character in a giant, entailed, and long sought after book.
   "... Prince Vegeta, would you like for me to tell him?" Huntre grabbed a seat from another table as though this was his house and offered for both of them to sit. Admittedly this conversation was being carried on rather privately.
   As Goku took his seat, he glanced once more at Vegeta and noticed that Huntre waited for the Prince to sit down before doing so himself.
   "What's this all about?" Goku asked sweetly.
   Vegeta began talking, taking a sip of red wine first, "Huntre is a head-hunter, we met years ago back when I was working for Frieza. He came to tell me some good and some bad news."
   "Mostly good," Huntre smiled on.
   Vegeta still frowned, adding, "I have to go to Nartal. You are invited as well."
   "Why?" Goku asked, "Are you in trouble?"
   Vegeta vehemently answered, "Not at all."
   "Prince Vegeta was to be incarcerated, but an old, trusted friend of his father's took it upon himself to work his case. He now owes him his personal gratitude."
   Goku didn't understand any of this. He asked Vegeta, more to the point, "Should I come, I don't know these people."
   Vegeta finally looked at him, "You are invited as a guest of honor." He left out the part of why he was summoned.
   "Oh," he said, "Well, when do we leave?"
   Huntre smiled again, "You have one week."
   Goku still had so many questions, but all Vegeta did was take another sip of wine and stare at the table. It almost seemed as though they had no choice but to go.
   "And the bad news?" Goku asked, a little concerned for his lover.
   Vegeta hesitated and during his stalling Huntre answered, "Well, for starters, the two of you will have to prove yourselves to be who you are, Saiyans, and your bloodline, as part of the paperwork. Obviously you don't have tails anymore which will make many of the men suspicious. Also, Prince Vegeta has a great many foes out there which he will have to face, some which may challenge him.
   "And you, Goku, you will have to prove yourself as well."
   "Why do either of us have to prove anything?" Goku cocked his head to the side a little bit.
   Vegeta finally said, "I have an inheritance that I must prove is my birth right, and you have reward money."
   "Oh, Vegeta, you know I don't care about money."
   A gleam shown in Huntre's eyes as he watched them interact. Curious, he asked, "Am I missing something here? Are the two of you... involved?" The look on Vegeta's face and the blush across Goku's cheeks gave Huntre his answer. He laughed, "Well that's certainly something! The men will have a field day with that news!"
   Goku became even more embarrassed and Vegeta even more upset. The Prince demanded, "It's no one's business what type of relationship Kakarot and I share."
   "I couldn't agree more, but you know as well as I do that there are a few certain people who will not be happy about this and some others that will be all too happy to give you trouble over it." He chuckled, "You... with Raditz's little brother."

   Vegeta growled.
   "My brother, but-"
   "Never mind, Kakarot," Vegeta stood up quickly, "I've agreed to your terms, Huntre. Our luncheon is over. We will be ready in to leave in a week." He glared at Goku, "Come with me," and started heading for the door.
   Vegeta walked briskly with Goku trailing a half-step behind him. Once they reached a far enough place from people they took to the air. Vegeta flew as though he was trying to leave Goku behind but Goku insisted on talking more about this.
   "Vegeta," he called from behind, his voice nearly lost to the wind with their increasing speed, "If he knows I'm Raditz's brother, than why do I have to prove it? Obviously you're the Prince, too, right? I don't get it."
   Vegeta stopped suddenly and when he turned to speak with Goku there was more fury and distress in his eyes than he had seen in a long time. "Leave me alone! Go home! I've had enough chit-chat for one day."
   "But, we had plans," Goku reminded him, "We don't have to talk about this right now."
   "Our plans are cancelled," and he left him as fast as he could without powering up.
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All of My Hate