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Equus	By : Deb Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2855 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, it belongs to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. I do own the equines though, please do not take them without permission. Written for pleasure not profit.

Chapter List
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“Equus”
Chapter 41
The room that Doctor Jamieson took Duo into wasn't at all what the young vet had expected. It was more like a cozy sitting room than a doctor's office. Pictures hung on the walls, several large, comfortable looking armchairs sat around the room and a picture window took up half of one wall of the room.
“Not what you were expecting?” Jamieson asked as he closed the door.
“No,” Duo replied honestly.
“I find it much more comfortable and conducive to treatment than a sterile office type of room with a couch, desk and chair,” the doctor chuckled. “Please, take a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
Still wary of the doctor, Duo sat in one of the overstuffed chairs facing the picture window. He had a lovely view of the garden outside and it did relax him a touch.
Jamieson picked up a pad and pen, settling himself into another armchair that was slightly to the side of Duo. “Doctor Maxwell -”
“Please, call me Duo.”
“As you wish, and you should call me Jay. Now, I believe from what your partner said on the phone that you could benefit from talking to me. He didn't go into specific details, just told me that Sally Po had given you my contact details and that you have been the victim of a rape attack.”
Nothing like laying it on the line, Duo thought. “Yes,” he whispered and looked at his hands.
“Duo, before we proceed any further, I think there are a couple of things we should talk about first.”
Duo raised his head, a look of confusion on his face.
The doctor gave him a kindly smile. “I expect you to be totally honest with me when we talk, if you aren't then my treatment will not be effective in giving you your life back. Having said that, I feel it is only fair that I be totally honest with you in return.” Seeing the curiosity join confusion on the vet's face, J continued on. “Anything and everything that is said to me is done so in the strictest of confidence and will stay within these four walls. Now, you may be thinking to yourself what gives me the right to talk to you and try to help you in regards to a sensitive issue of this kind; aside from the letters after my name that is.”
Duo didn't answer, mainly because the doctor had come close to the mark, but he kept his eyes focused on the other man.
“I was a victim of rape myself,” J said softly. “I understand what you are going through, I know the feelings you are experiencing, I've been through that hell and back and I can tell you that despite all the negativity right now, there is life after rape.”
Now that confession had Duo sitting up and taking notice. “Y- you have?”
“Yes. It was many years ago, but I survived – barely.” J rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and the reason why Duo had felt something wasn't quite right when he'd shaken hands earlier became apparent.
J's left hand and arm was a prosthetic limb from just below his elbow. The right hand, whilst still 'original' did have some surgical scars present.
“The trauma I went through after being raped is something I will never forget. The feelings of guilt, shame, humiliation, they are demons that remain and taunt you day after day. I told a couple of people about my rape and they ridiculed me, another reason why I didn't report it to the authorities. It wasn't even recognized as male rape in those days, they called it indecent assault. I found I couldn't take the feelings of hatred, the self depreciation any longer and I did try to take my own life. I'm afraid I stuffed that up too. I botched the attempt so badly that this is the result,” J stated with a wave of both his hands. “I had to have the one amputated part way down the forearm and corrective surgery on the other. So, I think I am qualified to help you, Duo.”
It took a few moments for the doctor's confession to sink in, but when it did, Duo felt a lot more comfortable with the man. Sally had been right, if anyone could help him come to terms with all of this, it was this man.
Seeing the acceptance in the young man's eyes, J rolled his sleeves back down and picked up his pen and paper once more. “Okay, I'd like you to start at the beginning, Duo, tell me what happened...”
Duo sat back into his seat and began to relate the entire incident to the doctor. Jamieson didn't interrupt, he simply sat back and made notes where applicable, letting Duo tell the entire tale. When the young man had finished, J poured a glass of water for him and passed it over.
“I know that wasn't easy for you to relate to me, Duo, but by doing so you have taken the first step towards dealing with this. First and foremost, none of this is your fault. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable. Forget all that bullshit about being a macho male and how you should be able to protect yourself and so on; there are times when all that shit just doesn't happen. Let me try to explain to you a little of how the rapist's mind works.”
Feeling very raw and emotionally unstable right now, Duo simply sat and sipped at his water, letting the good doctor tell him how a rapist's mind worked. The more the doctor spoke, the more the words made sense and Duo could see the entire picture a little clearer.
“They are nothing more than a sick predator, someone who takes delight in holding power over another person. In this case they do their best to make you feel as if you are the one at fault, they prey on your insecurities, turning the action against you and planting the seeds of doubt in your mind. Those seeds fester like an infected wound, feeding your mind with guilt, shame and disgust that you should have managed to prevent this. Nothing is further from the truth. You didn't ask for this, you didn't deserve this and regardless of how hard or little you fought against your attacker, you shouldn't have had to. Every human being deserves the right to live their life in peace without the fear of being subjected to an attack of any kind.” Jamieson paused to see how his little speech was sitting with his client. It seemed to be going quite well and so he pressed on.
“You have taken the first step by coming to me and talking about what happened. The next step in the recovery is to take each part of your attack and confront it, see it for what it actually was. When he first grabbed you and kissed you, did you ask him to do that?”
Duo looked both shocked and disgusted at the question. “No, I didn't,” he snapped.
“Exactly. You gave him no reason whatsoever to indicate you wanted him to kiss you. The fact that he did and you didn't retaliate right away shows how your mind went into shock with the suddenness of it all and that is a normal response. Once you were aware of what was happening, you pushed him away; correct?”
“Yes, yes I did.”
“Although you were not interested and showed your attacker that by shoving him away, he decided you were fair game and came back with more.”
The session continued on for a little longer before Jamieson called a halt to proceedings. “I think that will do for today, Duo. You have made significant progress after just one session and whilst that is a good thing I do warn you it will take many more before you will return to mostly how you were before this happened.”
Duo cocked an eyebrow at that statement.
“Something has happened to you, Duo, that has changed you forever. You won't ever be that same person you were before the attack. You will learn to cope with it, to deal with the emotions and banish the demons to where they belong, but you will always be changed slightly because of it. Don't let it change you for the worse, use this experience and let it make you stronger for having survived it.”
The doctor's words made a lot of sense to Duo and for the first time since the attack he felt as if he could regain control over his life. “Thanks, doc. You have helped me in more ways than you will ever know.”
“It's my pleasure, Duo. Now, I need to speak with your partner for a few minutes. Whilst I'm doing that I'd like you to speak with Gwen and make another appointment.”
“Thanks, Jay, I will.” Duo stood up and opened the door, J followed.
Heero looked up from the magazine he was reading when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. He gave his lover a questioning look as Duo stepped back into the waiting room, He received a smile in return before the doctor was calling him through. Placing the magazine back on the pile, Heero followed the doctor down the hall to the consulting room.
*
“Mr. Yuy, I'm sure you are well aware of patient/doctor confidentiality?”
“Hai, I am.”
“That means I cannot discuss with you anything I have talked to your partner about. If he wishes to disclose anything then that is entirely up to him, however, I do feel it will be beneficial to explain a few things about my intended course of treatment and how you can help in that regard.”
“I understand. Doc, all I want to do is help him get through this, make him understand that none of this was his fault and regardless of what happened, I still love him and will always be there for him.” Heero lowered his eyes and continued in a whisper, “I can't lose him, doc, he's my entire universe.”
Jamieson gave a smile. “I'm here to make sure you don’t lose him. Now, if you will take a seat and get comfortable, there are a few things we need to discuss that will help Duo get through this.”
The pair spent a good half hour discussing the traumas - physical, emotional and mental - that a victim suffered after an attack such as Duo's. Heero gained a valuable insight into what was most likely passing through his partner's mind at times and why he would be feeling this way.
“It is very important that you try to be understanding to him, listen when he needs to talk and encourage each small victory, regardless of how insignificant it may seem to you or I. There will be times when he's going to be angry, very angry and whilst that anger is at himself for being what he conceives to be weak in letting himself be raped, he will take that anger out on the closest person to him; you. He will think he's not worthy of being loved by you or anyone for that matter, he will do his best to try and push you away, to punish himself for being weak by denying himself the one thing he truly loves and desires; you. It is important that you support him through this time, be there for him, but do not let him abuse you. If he wants to argue and take his frustrations out on you, then fine, let him, but also let him know that you aren't the one that hurt him, that you're the one that will be there for him. Am I making sense?”
“Hai. In a strange way, you are,” Heero replied.
“Good. I will continue to see him, work through therapy sessions until I feel he has managed to overcome his demons. I would also like to continue to work with you. Trust me when I say you are also going to need someone to talk to as it won't be an easy road to his recovery; but you will get there. Between the two of us we will bring back most of the Duo you knew and loved.”
For the first time since the nightmare happened, Heero began to feel a little hope blossom. He couldn't help but like this eccentric doctor. He wasn't your everyday psychologist – he was far more.
He actually cared.
And that was something both men desperately needed right now.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Heero said and stood up. He shook the doctor's hand.
“It has been my pleasure, Mr. Yuy. I think we should go and find your partner, see if he's made another appointment.”
Duo had made another appointment, for three days time. Bidding the doctor good bye, they went back to their car and started the journey back to the stables.
* * *
It was late afternoon by the time they arrived back at the practice. Heero parked the car and followed his subdued lover into the cottage. Duo had been quiet during the ride home and Heero didn't want to disturb his lover's thoughts. He knew Duo had a lot to think about and Heero had taken the doctor's words to heart. He would be there for Duo, help him in any way he could, but he wouldn't allow his lover to abuse him.
Duo aimed for the coffee, he needed a cup to settle his nerves a touch. His mind was going a mile a minute, trying to sort out all the doctor had said to him. He still couldn't help feeling guilt and shame over what had happened and he still continued to analyze everything that had gone on, looking for areas where he could have fought harder, made an escape or done something to avoid the end result. He was drawn from his dark thoughts when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist.
The gesture startled him and he jumped, fear lodging in his gut at the same time as his fist curled in reflex. He managed to stop the blow from landing when Heero spoke and he recognized the voice.
“It's me, Duo,” Heero quickly said and released his lover when he saw the reaction Duo had to his wrapping his arms around him.
“Shit, Heero! Don't do that, I almost clocked you one,” Duo growled.
“I'm sorry,” Heero apologized, “I didn't realize you would react like that.”
“Yeah, well... Look, I'm sorry too, just, next time let me know you're there first,” Duo replied, his tone a little softer.
“I will.” Despite still wanting to hold and comfort his partner, Heero moved away, allowing Duo his space. He glanced at the clock and noted the time. “I'll need to head up to the stables shortly and bring the horses in for the night,” he stated casually.
Those words caused Duo to glance at the clock. “Shit, I didn't realize the time. I'll need to come with you to check Nataku's leg.”
“I can do it if you'd rather stay here.”
“Nah, it's okay. I want to check on her, besides,” Duo lowered his voice to almost a whisper, “I need to start to get over this, I can't stay hidden in here for the rest of my life.”
“I know, but take your time, Duo. I'm here for you.” Heero made sure to present himself in Duo's full line of sight before he placed an arm around Duo's waist and pulled him close. “I love you, Duo,” he murmured into the vet's ear.
“I know you do, Heero and I'm sorry for putting you through all this shit,” Duo sighed and then rested his head on Heero's shoulder, staring out the kitchen window to the paddocks beyond.
“Don't be sorry, it's not your fault and you have nothing to be sorry about.” Heero pressed a kiss to the crown of Duo's head.
“I wouldn't blame you if you left, Heero.”
The words were spoken so softly that Heero almost missed them. He felt the anger rise in his chest and did his best to quell it. Keeping his voice as calm as he could, Heero spoke. “How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going anywhere, Duo? I love you, unconditionally and I want to be here with you. You are my life, my universe, my entire reason for living, don't take that away from me.”
A small shudder passed through Duo with Heero's words and he felt the hotness pricking behind his eyes. Turning, he pressed his body against Heero's and wrapped his arms around his lover. “Why do you put up with me?”
“Because I love you, all of you.” Heero pulled the vet flush against him and secured his own arms around Duo's slim frame. His hand found Duo's braid and gently grasped it, using it as a life line. Movement out the window caught his eye and he sighed. “We have company.”
“We do? Who?” Duo pulled back a touch and followed Heero's line of sight. “I wonder what they want?”
“I think we're about to find out.”
The pair pulled apart and Heero went to open the back door to greet the police officers. “Sergeant Williams, Constable Henry,” he acknowledged.
“Mr. Yuy. Is Doctor Maxwell home too?”
“Yes, he is. Won't you come in?” Heero moved to the side to allow the officers to enter. The pair stepped inside and Heero offered them a seat at the kitchen table where Duo was sitting with his mug of coffee. “Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked as he took a seat himself.
“No, thank you,” replied the Sergeant. “I apologize for just dropping by, but there are a couple of things I need to let you both know.”
Duo frowned and reached his hand under the table to grasp Heero's. Heero gently curled his fingers around Duo's and gave a reassuring squeeze.
“We have been to the hospital and taken a statement from the accused. I have also served the papers on him in regard to the removal of his horse and belongings from the property.”
Duo's hand tightened in Heero's.
“The accused will be here on Wednesday at eleven to collect his horse and all other possessions. Constable Henry and myself will be here to escort him onto the property and will remain with him at all times whilst he collects his things. Once he has his belongings packed and his horse loaded onto his float, we will escort him from the property. Mr Yuy, you may be present if you wish to ensure he only removes what is rightfully his, however, we will not allow any direct interaction between you and the accused. This is for the safety of both persons and also because it would be in direct violation of the pending court case. Do you understand?” Sergeant Williams looked to Heero for confirmation.
“Hai, I understand.” Whilst Heero really didn't want to see Stefan again lest he be unable to control his temper and break the guy's neck, he could also appreciate that he did need to be present to make sure Stefan didn't try to take anything that wasn't his.
“Good. Obviously Doctor Maxwell should stay away.”
“Sergeant, I have no desire whatsoever to see that guy ever again,” Duo snarled.
“That I can quite understand,” Williams muttered.
“You said you've been and taken his statement, correct?” Heero asked, diverting the topic slightly.
“Yes, we have. He has been interviewed and his statement recorded.”
The tone of voice the Sergeant used indicated he wasn't all that comfortable with things either. “I take it he's entered a plea?” Heero raised an eyebrow. Duo's hand tightened further in Heero's.
The Sergeant gave a soft sigh before fixing his eyes on the pair. “He has pleaded not guilty.”
To say the anger swelled in both Heero and Duo would be an understatement. Barely able to contain his temper, Duo was the one to speak. “That bastard.”
“There will have to be an official court hearing where the charges will be read against him and he will be asked to make a formal plea. If he still says not guilty then the court will be adjourned and a date set for the case to go to trial. Should that happen, the public prosecutor will contact you both as he will be handling the case on your behalf. As for Mr. Graves, he will need to engage his own lawyer.”
“But surely he can see there's no chance he will win,” Heero said flatly.
“Unfortunately, that will be for the judge to decide. It will all come down to the evidence presented and the best arguments the lawyers put forward. Rape cases are always tricky ones to deal with; not that I doubt your word in the slightest, Doctor Maxwell. He is of the opinion that you came on to him, that you wanted him and it will be up to the prosecutor to refute that using what evidence and statements we have.”
“That low down, son-of-a-bitch. There's now way that Duo would have come on to him, the guy's a creep and has been making advances towards Duo for some time now. I only wish I'd paid more attention to my partner's concerns, if I had then maybe none of this would have happened,” Heero said with a catch in his voice.
“Ah, I'm afraid that's not all,” Williams said.
“There's more?” Duo questioned, unable to believe what he was hearing.
“Mr. Graves intends to file charges of assault against you, Mr. Yuy.”
Heero paled and froze. Duo was also momentarily stunned by those words. “You have got to be fucking joking,” Duo growled. “Heero rescued me from that prick.”
“Mr. Yuy, Doctor Maxwell, I have not filed those charges as yet. I have advised the judge of them and he is of the same opinion as myself; the charges will be held pending the outcome of the initial hearing and filed afterwards. If Graves pleads guilty, then those charges of assault against you will be filed then and there and a hearing held to determine the exact nature of your assault on Mr. Graves; they will most likely be dismissed. If he pleads not guilty, the charges will again be filed and once the trial is concluded, depending on the outcome the charges will be heard and a decision made. I'm sorry I can't be more specific.”
“I can tell you now, officer, I will fight those charges all the way,” Heero said in a low, menacing tone. “He dared to touch what wasn't his, he hurt my partner and that is unforgivable. He should think himself lucky he's still got a dick to piss out of, and I make no apologies for my use of words.”
“Believe me, Mr. Yuy, I'm on your side, I want to see this guy locked up for what he's done. I can tell he's lying through his teeth, unfortunately I have to follow the law and as such the protocols. I may not always agree with how the justice system works, but my hands are tied.”
“I know and I'm sorry if I appear ungrateful, but...”
“No need for that, Mr. Yuy. You have reacted the way I would expect anyone to react when something they love is threatened.”
“Mr. Yuy, Doctor Maxwell,” Constable Henry began, “We have taken statements from those witnesses present on the afternoon of the attack and they all back up what you have said in your own statements. What we will need should this go to trial is something more. I hate to say this but at the end of the day it is one person's word against the others. If we have something concrete, something irrefutable to prove that Graves was the aggressor then we stand a much better chance of winning this case at a trial. I don’t mean to be getting ahead of things, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared – and if he does plead guilty, then we haven't lost anything either.”
Both Heero and Duo thought long and hard on the constable's words; unfortunately, neither one of them could think of anything at all to assist in their case. “The only witness there to the actual attack was Nataku,” Duo muttered, “and as she's a horse, I don’t think she will be able to give a statement.”
“It's times like these I wish an animal could talk,” Henry stated.
“Yo have no idea I've wished for the same thing during my years of practice,” Duo replied with a forced grin.
“Yeah, I gather it would make life a little more easy for you in your line of work, wouldn't it, doc?”
“Certainly would.”
“Look, it may not even come to a trial, it all depends on what happens at the hearing. In the meantime, if you do think of anything or anyone who can back your story further, please let me know,” Williams said as he stood. “We've taken up more than enough of your time. We will be on our way now, I'll call you on Wednesday morning when we're about fifteen minutes away with Graves to collect his horse.”
“Thank you, officer, not just for that, but for all you have done, both of you,” Heero said as he also stood to see the officers out.
“Just doing our job, Mr. Yuy.”
*
Heero brought Nataku up to the surgery stables for Duo to treat that evening. June, Carl and Wufei had all arrived to help out with the horses, something Heero was grateful for. All had been interviewed by the police, June and Carl having gone into the station that day to give their statements in relation to the attack and each one was concerned to find out how Heero, and especially Duo were coping. Knowing there would be questions and words meant to comfort, Heero thought it better if Duo didn't have to face their friends for a day or two.
The vet was still feeling very raw and vulnerable and whilst their friends meant well, it wasn’t what Duo needed right now. Heero had made sure to clean up the dispensary in the stables while Duo went up to the practice to check that all was okay with Zechs and Hilde. He knew that the dispensary would always hold unpleasant memories for Duo and whilst there wasn't much he could do about that, he could clean up and remove any and all traces of the attack.
The police had taken what they required in the way of evidence so all that really remained was the blood on the floor to be cleaned up. With a mop and bucket, Heero scrubbed and scoured until the benches, doors and floor were all spotlessly clean.
Back at the stables, June and Carl had asked after Duo, Heero giving them as much information as he could without invading his lover's privacy. The pair knew that none of this was Duo's fault but understood that Duo would be feeling lost and alone and the last thing he needed was for them to be bombarding him with questions.
Once Heero had satisfied their curiosity and thanked them both again for all their help, June and Carl took charge of bringing in and feeding all the horses other than Nataku. Wufei accompanied Heero with the mare to the stables for Duo to treat. He needed to know the exact nature of her injuries and the treatment Duo was giving her.
Duo shuddered as he looked at the dispensary door. Taking a deep breath and shoving the painful thoughts to the back of his mind, he squared his shoulders as best he could and entered the room. Whilst it still held horrific thoughts for Duo, it wasn't quite as bad now that Heero had cleaned up. Duo mentally thanked his boyfriend, reminding himself he would have to let Heero know how grateful he was for that small comfort later. Hearing the sound of approaching hoof-beats, Duo shut everything from his mind other than the horse and fetched what he would need.
Once Nataku was in the crush, Duo explained to Wufei the treatment he was using and showed him the injuries the mare had suffered. He was pleased to see that most were healing well, the cut to the fetlock would be the one that would take time. He gave Heero several more of the bute packets for her feed and with the fetlock sporting a fresh bandage, he deemed her ready to go back to her stable.
Wufei thanked Duo for his time and patience in treating the horse, Duo blushing a little with the obvious gratitude from the other man, saying he was only doing his job. With a final thank you, Wufei took his horse back to her stable to feed her. Duo finished cleaning up around the crush whilst Heero went back to the stables with Wufei to finish off with the horses for the night.
~ * ~
tbc...
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Equus