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Endlessly	By : Froglady15 Category: Dragon Ball Z > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2949 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just my Husband, laptop, my 3 dogs and a very overactive imagination. Dragon Ball Z and any songs mentioned DO NOT belong to me. I MKE NO MONEY/PROFIT!

Chapter List
- 41
- 42
- 43
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just my Husband, laptop, my 3 dogs and a very overactive imagination… Dragon Ball Z and any songs mentioned in this fic DO NOT belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted amusement.
Chapter 42
Two Weeks Later…
Vegeta snuck quietly into her room. He had been doing that almost every night this past week and a half; he'd sit on the floor against the door across from the bed and watch her as she slept, taking in her familiar scent. He wanted so badly to do nothing more than just crawl into bed with her and hold her. It had felt like an eternity since he'd last held her close. While he berated himself for being so weak, he also thought of all the times he had taken it for granted. Now all he wanted was to be near her. He craved her closeness.
But would she welcome it? Would she welcome him?
She wasn't the same woman before all of this. She didn't remember anything intimate that they had shared together. He knew that she wanted to talk to him. He had felt her several times over the last few days trying to reach out to him through what was left of the bond. He didn't know why he felt the need to block her out now. Frieza was destroyed. She was safe. They were all on their way home back to Callisto. He should have been elated.
Why was he distancing himself now? She obviously wanted to try and possibly salvage something, why else had she been seeking him out? She had not said anything hateful towards him or run from him since they got onto the ship. He had felt she would need her space so he was giving her that. The first few days they had barely spoken after he initially sought her out and he had gotten upset with her. Now, two weeks later, she wanted to talk to him and he was dreading it. What was wrong with him?
He sighed and buried his head into his hands. He knew why.
She had been privy to the horrible revelations with regards to his past. He had kept all of that locked away from her before. He had hoped never to revisit it again. Ever. Now, not only did she know his deepest shame, she had found out after they had wiped her memory of him and when she had reached out, he had lashed back angrily at her with the worst of it. She probably thought he was weak now.
Frieza had alluded to it when she had first arrived on the ship. Thankfully she did not seem to remember that bit. He remembered the shame and dread he had felt and how upset and disgusted she had been. She had told him she had been disgusted with Frieza, not him. But how could that be?
Now what did she feel? He remembered the look of horror on her face when Frieza had revealed the full extent of his abuse in front of her. Now she seemed to want to reach out to him? Why? She should be repulsed by him; repulsed that he hadn't been able to protect himself in the most basic way. He himself was repulsed; that he hadn't had enough strength or control; that he was defenseless and his body had betrayed him. He shook with rage at the memories of it. Was it pity? Was that why she was trying to reach out to him now? He did not want her pity. Worse yet, he did not want her to want him out of pity; he would rather she not want him at all than out of pity. If that was the case, he almost wished she still hated him, would have possibly preferred it. This way he felt like nothing more than a charity case to her she had to give him a chance now that she knew.
Damned Frieza! He hoped he was rotting in the deepest depths of hell! No one but himself and the lizard tyrant had known anything of what had gone on. Vegeta had wanted it kept that way. Kakarott didn't know. He hadn't even been comfortable confiding in Bardock with it, and Bardock was the one person he had trusted back then. But now the Woman knew. That was too many people who knew. Worse yet, what if she told everyone on the ship about what had happened to him? He figured she wouldn't, so far she had kept to her word and hadn't said anything. Sure her mind had been messed with but she wasn't daft. He hoped anyway. He just hoped she wasn't seeking him out because she wanted to discuss it. He would not discuss it any further with anyone. Not even her.
Vegeta sighed heavily again and looked at her long and hard. She looked so peaceful as she slept on her stomach, her face facing him. How was he going to fix this?
He was really starting to wish he had sent her away with Kakarott, even after the fight. Being confined in the ship with her and everyone else was more than he could handle at the moment. He needed his space. He knew she wanted to talk to him. He didn't miss her questioning gaze every time he left the room in an effort to avoid her. He wished he had taken a separate ship on his own to follow them on. Instead he had to avoid the Weakling and endure awkward conversation with Bulma's parents, yet not make it appear that he was intentionally avoiding Bulma as well.
It was a four week trip back to Callisto. The solitude would have been glorious. He wanted to fix things with her- he really did! He just needed time. Time to bury everything again. Time to reflect on what his next step would be now that Frieza was finally destroyed. He had never thought or planned anything after defeating him. It had just been something he had been determined to do since as far back as he could remember. Now that it was done, he felt a mixture of relief, like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders, but he also felt empty. Now what would he strive for? Defeating Frieza had always been his life's number one priority. He supposed becoming King of Vegeta-sei was a close second, but that was always in the cards for him; a guaranteed eventuality. He knew he would be able to defeat his father quite easily now; there was no thrill or anticipation for it even. Just an eventuality. However, he was still at a loss of what his next step would be. Should he go back home to his father and settle matters there? Or should he wait on that until Bulma birthed their son? What would he do if she truly did not want him around? That was something else he needed time to figure out: he needed time to figure out what he wanted to say to her, what he needed to say to her. What could he say to her? Everything he felt needed to be said was for her before she had lost her memories.
Bulma before all of this would have known what he should to do. He missed her. Sure she was here in the flesh, but in mind she was completely lost to him. He clenched his fists in anger that he had allowed himself to be so dependent on her and her opinion. She was just a weak, frail woman. How had he let her weave herself into his soul so much that he actually felt lost without her? What did her opinion matter, anyway? He was the strongest being in the universe. He should feel free to make his own decisions without having to feel like he should consult his mate for guidance and acceptance. He decided then that it didn't matter. He would make his choices with or without her. She would either accept them or not. He would not be so weak as to allow her to influence him that much again. Not after all of this. Potentially losing her again had scared him much more than he would ever admit.
Vegeta sighed again; harshly raking his hands through his thick hair before looking back up to her only to find a pair of bright blue eyes staring back at him.
He froze.
How long had she been watching him?
She smiled shyly at him and extended her right hand out to him, her fingertips just barely grazing his knee. He looked at her hand a moment, debating whether or not to take it. He wanted to so badly. After debating a few moments, he reached back carefully with his hand, allowing her to entwine her fingers with his. The simple gesture flooded him with a number of emotions. Relief mostly.
"Hey," she said sleepily.
"Hmmn."
"How long are you going to just sit there?" she asked.
He frowned in question.
"For at least the last week or so you've come in here and sat on the floor," she said. "You can come lie down here you know."
"I was under the impression you did not want me anywhere near you."
"You're right, I didn't." she admitted. "But I've had a few days to think about things rationally."
He gave her a guarded expression and she continued. "While I am sad you've avoided me, I am at the same time thankful you've given me my space to think things through for myself. Frieza admitted to you when he didn't know I was around that they had wiped my mind of your distraction and any "amorous feelings" I'd had for you. I've decided that had you been all bad like they led me to believe, I wouldn't have loved you and we would not be having a child."
"I thought they told you I had forced myself on you."
"They did." She nodded.
"And you do not believe that now?" he asked, suspiciously narrowing his dark eyes at her. "Why?"
"I know they did something to me. Every negative thing that came to pass between us, I can remember. Had you forced yourself on me, I am positive they'd have made sure I remembered it, and they would have made sure I had remembered it vividly. I have no recollection of anything like that ever happening.
"As well, when I took you back to your cell and you touched me, I did not get the feeling that you could have done such a thing. You did not act like a man who had treated me badly or didn't care about our wellbeing."
He nodded, beginning to feel somewhat relieved. Maybe there was hope?
She pulled on his hand. He gave her a curious frown. "Take off your armor and come lie down. It's stupid for you to sit on the floor every night."
He shook his head at her.
"Come on," she urged, pulling on him again. "Vegeta, I'm trying here. Everything within my head is telling me to stay away from you. I am trying to fight through that. I can't do it alone. You said we'd set matters straight when we made it back to the ship. All you've done is avoid me. At first it was what I needed, but now I think I am ready to try and figure things out."
Vegeta nodded in agreement after considering her petition to him for a moment and stood up. He removed his gloves, boots and armor, leaving himself only in his royal blue sleeveless flight suit. He carefully crawled on to the small bed next to her, lying down on his back with his arms at his sides, unsure with what she would be comfortable with; he fought every urge to roll over on his side and pull her into his arms. Though he desperately craved the contact, he knew she had to initiate it.
They both lay there awkwardly tense. He hadn't missed how she had tensed up a soon as he lay down next to her and his heart sank.
Neither one said a word for several minutes. They just lay there side by side, not touching but close enough because of the small bed to be able to feel the other's body heat.
Bulma wasn't sure what to do. She'd meant well in asking him to share a bed with her but now that he had accepted and was lying next to her, she felt completely paralyzed. She wasn't sure by what: fear? Nervousness? Maybe a bit of both? She just wanted to try and find some neutral ground with him. So far she could find none. Her old self had seen something in him and had fallen for him. She had to have seen something there to have allowed herself that. But what had it been? So far, as it stood at the moment, she found him to be cold, unfeeling, unapproachable and distant. But it also occurred to her, despite her mind telling her otherwise, that he was probably just as unsure about her as she was about him.
She turned her head slightly to look at him and noticed his arms were at his side, not crossed as they usually were. Maybe that was a sign? She felt like she was 16 again and on her first date. From what she remembered, one party leaving their arm or hand out was an invitation to the other to hold hands. Was it the same with him? He didn't seem like the type of guy who would want to sit and hold hands. He was obviously an alien- to her any way. What if the customs were different? Her other self had obviously charmed him. What the hell. She thought to herself after taking another quick glance at him; his eyes were closed, his jaw looked clenched; his hand next to her was closed in a loose fist, but he looked more or less relaxed. She took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge.
Bulma extended her small finger on her right hand, just grazing the top of his left hand, which was still closed in a fist. To her amusement, his hand un-clenched almost immediately at the contact. She hooked her little finger with his and felt her stomach do a somersault as he extended the rest of his fingers, lacing them with hers. She couldn't help but smile to herself. Finally! Something from him!
She knew he was hurting from whatever it was that had happened and he had obviously been through a lot in his life; it was bothering her. So she decided she needed to at least try with him. There had to be more to him than just the angry violent person they had made her believe he was.
"So?" she said, wanting to break the awkward silence between them.
"Hmmn?"
"How did we meet?"
He turned his head and looked at her, "You cannot be serious."
"I am," she nodded, taking in his odd expression. "We have two weeks until we get back to that planet. Humor me."
He sighed heavily, pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand and began to tell her. While he really did not feel like talking, he decided that this was a good thing. She seemed to remember everything about her life up until meeting him. So he took the opportunity to mention things that he knew about her life on her planet before it had been destroyed. He had told her about the ship she had not had the opportunity to finish. He spoke of her big black dog, Cable.
He told her about their first meeting at the tavern and how impressed he had been with her capsule technology. How he had left and then had come back for her. He told her how amazed he'd been that she knew how to build and fly ships, among other things. Oddly enough, she remembered the gravity simulator. She couldn't remember why she'd created it, but she remembered it. He told her how proud she'd been of it and how proud of her he'd been; how much it had helped him in his training and learning to manage his ascended state.
The conversation went very well until she'd asked him if she had been his concubine. Apparently Frieza and Dr. Gero had drilled that fact over and over again into her mind. That she had been nothing more to him than that.
"I told my father and everyone else that you were my concubine, yes. However that was never the actual arrangement." He replied carefully.
"So what was the arrangement then?"
"You were to work in the lab with Bardock, Kakarott's father, in secret," he said. "It is not proper for a woman to work in the lab and I did not want you staying in the slave quarters."
"So if it isn't proper, why did you decide to put me in the lab?"
"I was impressed with your brilliant mind. Enough that I knew to not bring you back would be a mistake. Bardock agreed and was more than willing to overlook the matter of propriety."
"So you did just want to use Me." she said accusingly.
Vegeta sighed. "I suppose so, yes. However I never hid my intentions. You wanted to help me in my efforts to destroy Frieza since it was him who destroyed your home planet. You were more than willing to help."
Bulma was quiet a moment. That sounded like her: always wanting to help wherever and however she could. "And we fell in love at some point?"
Vegeta nodded but did not reply.
"And you never treated me like a sex slave?"
"No," he replied. "Never."
"So how did it happen that we were separated then?" She asked. "Frieza told me you blew up your ship with me in it. That's why you thought I was dead."
Vegeta grumbled in irritation, "Look, I understand you do not remember these things, but if you would just allow me to use the bond, you could simply see for yourself all the things that took place."
"No."
"Why not?" he asked, turning to look at her.
"Because I want you to tell me. I don't even know if I want to reopen and establish this bond." She said firmly. "I've had enough of people messing around in my head! Putting images there, taking things out, embellishing things and twisting them into something else, other people jumping in and out; by the way that whole body snatching thing with you and that Ginyu guy was terrifying! I thought I was going to be stuck with him in my head forever. Do you know how violated I feel? Not only that, but I don't," she sighed in frustration. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want you knowing every random thought that flies through my mind. I have a lot of them and-"
"Oh, I know," he said sarcastically. "Believe me, I know."
Bulma glared at him, "I am being completely serious here! I don't want anyone messing around in my head anymore."
"I am not just anyone." He growled. "I am your mate. And it works both ways. I cannot take back what they did to you and I am sure having that Ginyu fool in your head was alarming but it is not supposed to be that way. The bond is only intended to be between mates."
"I realize that, Vegeta, but I don't know you. I don't even know if I want to know you. I am trying to gather up as much information as I can in order to make a decision,"
"And what decision is that?"
"Whether I stick around and allow our child to know their father or not. I honestly don't know if that's such a good idea. Not knowing what I know."
"And tell me, Woman, what is it you think you know? Did I not nearly kill myself in my efforts to get you off that bastard's ship?"
"And that's another thing! Stop calling me Woman." She said angrily. "It's disrespectful. I have a name. Use it!"
"I am very well aware of your name," he replied in a bored tone. "And I will call you whatever I want."
"Fine! Then I will just start calling you Man then. How's that?" she replied petulantly.
"Matters little to me what you decide to call me," he shrugged, letting go of her hand and quickly maneuvering himself above her without actually touching her or placing any weight on her. "So long as it's complimentary when you are screaming it out in pleasure."
"You!" she cried in outrage. "You disgusting asshole!"
"No, you never called me that one," he said shaking his head in amusement, looking down at her playfully. "You preferred likening me to a deity on most occasions from what I can recall. I certainly was not opposed to it."
"I cannot believe you!" she raged at him, placing her hands on his chest and trying to push him away from her. "Get off of me!"
He chuckled and brushed her hair out of her face; she flinched at his touch and smacked him on his shoulder. Vegeta grabbed the offending hand with one of his, threading his fingers with hers.
"Get your disgusting hands off of me!" she said through gritted teeth, her body tensing up in fear again.
"Not until you answer my question, Woman." He said calmly.
She began to tremble beneath him, her eyes wide and a scowl was etched across her feminine features, but he could see the fear within her eyes and once again, his heart sank at the thought that she would be that fearful of him.
"What question?"
"I asked you, what do you think you know?"
"I don't understand." She replied shakily.
"Stop your shaking and cowering. I am not going to hurt you," he said softly, now regretting his bold movement towards her. He had only meant to tease her a little, not make her feel threatened. He was reminded yet again how much she had changed since he had last seen her. "Now, you said earlier, and I quote: 'I am trying to gather information to make a decision whether or not to stick around and let our child know their father. I don't think it's a good idea, knowing what I know.' That is what you said and I want to know: What is it you think you know?"
Bulma looked up at him cautiously. He was so close to her, she could feel his breath brushing against her cheek as he looked down at her. His face was stony, but his eyes were soft. She didn't like that he was so close; he had placed himself just above her and was holding himself up with an elbow near her side and holding her hand by her side with his other hand. This was her fault. She chastised herself. Why had she invited him to share a bed with her in the first place? She wasn't sure what had ever possessed her! Now here they were, in a very compromising and intimate position. She didn't like it. If he decided to have his way with her, there would be nothing she could do to stop him.
Part of herself was so terrified of him in this moment, she was very nearly on the verge of tears. The other part seemed to know that he would not hurt her or take advantage of her. Besides, if he had really wanted to do that, he most likely would have by now instead of arguing with her, she reasoned.
She looked at him again, studying the imploring look her was giving her. The look in his eyes reassured her that he spoke the truth. He would not hurt her. So far he hadn't. He had protected her back on Frieza's ship when he hadn't had to. So why would he hurt her now?
"Tell me, Bulma." He urged softly. His gentle tone and use of her name brought her out of her thoughts.
"I saw," She stuttered. "I saw video footage of you on several missions. I saw what you are capable of. How many innocent beings you've killed with your bare hands. And you enjoyed it. You laughed maniacally and reveled in the carnage you created."
Vegeta hung his head, unsure of how to respond.
"You took delight in destroying those civilizations." She said. "How could I be with someone like that?"
"I was following orders." He answered.
"Vegeta, there is a difference between following orders and making sport of it."
"I never tortured or maimed and left anyone behind to suffer. I simply went in and did whatever job I was sent to do."
"That may be true, but you still enjoyed the mayhem and destruction." She said accusingly. "From what I saw, there was no remorse. No mercy or pity. Just a ruthless murderer. No different from the beings who came down to my planet and slaughtered most of us. The rest of a very select few of us, like me, were taken."
Vegeta nodded and sat up and away from her. There wasn't anything he could say to defend himself. He had a pretty good idea what she had seen. In the time span between those eight months he thought her dead, he had been crazy. He had gone out on every possible mission he could just to be off of Frieza's ship. It had served to keep him distracted from mourning her loss. He had taken pleasure in destroying things wherever he went and killing all those that had crossed his path. He was not proud of it, but he had still done it. He had been quick and efficient. Found relief in letting the bloodlust and desire for battle take over everything else he had been feeling at the time.
Each and every single mission, he had envisioned slaughtering Frieza or his father, the elders; even Asia from time to time. He had admitted to Bulma when they had finally been reunited that her loss and the hatred of those responsible had kept him alive. He had not elaborated on it, for fear of this very reaction from her.
Bulma sat up in the bed and leaned her back against the wall, bringing her knees up to her chest, feeling less stifled now that he wasn't quite so close to her. She could not read the expression on his face. "Have you nothing to say? No explanation?"
"What is it you want me to say?" he asked almost bitterly. "I did do all of those things. I will not say I did not enjoy doing some of them- I am a warrior. I come from a warrior race, it is what we do. I am not proud of my actions but what is done is done. I was not myself. I used those missions as an outlet for releasing my pent up rage. That is all."
"That's no excuse." She said, shaking her head at him. "Did I know about all of that? Before, I mean. Did I know about how vicious you can be?"
Vegeta gritted his teeth. "You knew that I had done things that I was not proud of. You accepted that and never pushed for any further explanations or judged me for the things you did know."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I don't believe you. There is no way-"
"You asked me to tell you what had happened between us and I have been forthcoming and open with you," he interrupted her. "You and I shared a bond. A mental link. I knew your thoughts and feelings. And you knew mine. You overlooked my past and accepted me as I am."
"But that's not fair if you never told me about any of it."
"Woman, the things I was involved in are things I do not like to discuss, much less having to relive them and show them to you through the bond." He said angrily. "When we established our bond together, I bore my soul to you. Despite every instinct screaming at me not to, I spat on everything I was brought up to believe. My father and my people. All because I wanted you as my mate. You saw and accepted everything. You knew nearly everything there is to know about me. That there were things I chose not to share were to spare you the burden of knowing and seeing such things."
Bulma sighed, taking in his words for a long moment, not missing the intense way he was looking at her. "But that's not fair. If we are to have a life together, then that's something I should have known about."
"You did." He replied shortly. "I just never showed you. I simply alluded that I had been involved with a lot of things that I was not proud of in my past."
"And I wasn't bothered about it?"
"No, because that's not who I am anymore. I was a soldier. I am a warrior. I was a slave to that deranged lizard. I followed orders. There was no room to refuse a mission." He said bitterly. "Now that he is gone, there will be no more orders for me to follow. I have only to go back home to my father and assume my position as King of Vegeta-sei. I will rule things the way I decide. I will be respected in this galaxy; not feared. With my chosen mate and queen at my side, I will not fail."
"And that's me?"
"Hmmn," he nodded once.
"How does your father and people feel about that?" she asked. "It was a bone of contention, I take it?"
"It was. But they will yield."
"So, you went against everything and everyone just to be with me, correct?"
"Hmmn." He nodded once again.
She was quiet for a long moment, letting the impact of that take full weight. "Why me?"
"Because there is no one else but you."
"There aren't any suitable women on your planet?"
"Not in my opinion," he replied. "I told you this many times, Woman. I will have no one else but you."
"But why me?" she asked in confusion. "Surely someone in your own race would be more suitable. I've seen what you are capable of. I know of the tremendous strength you possess. What use could you possibly have with me? It doesn't make sense."
"Because I met you and I respected you. I respected your intelligence and your strength in character. Your courage to not back down from a challenge. Your capability for compassion and forgiveness." He said to her in an almost detached tone. "Your willingness to help me and accept me despite knowing that I had a past full of destruction and torment and violence. You were not afraid of me. The night I met you, I insulted you and when you replied with an equally insulting remark and I threatened to blast you for your disrespect for my title your reply had been "Well why don't you, then?"
"It was that fearlessness and outright audacity to speak to me in such a manner that I decided that you were not just some random tavern wench. I wanted to know who you were. When I brought you back to my planet and you met my father for the first time, you did not shrink back and snivel when he spoke about you like you were nothing more than a new toy I had acquired. You boldly looked him in the eye as though he were your equal and answered all of his questions." He told her with conviction. "You even had the boldness to tell a female Saiyan who my father wanted me to take as my mate that you had no idea who she was when she announced to you that she was betrothed-"
"Was she?" Bulma interrupted him.
"No." he replied curtly. "She and my father had decided that she was but I had in no way decided that. She is manipulative and could take you out with the flick of her wrist if she had so decided to and I had told you to keep your distance from her. Yet when she disrespected you, you still were unfazed and stood your ground, much to my annoyance at the time.
"You are smart and intelligent. You helped me to achieve my goal by designing the gravity room. When I thought you all but lost to me you did not give up but put yourself in a position that could have been very dangerous to seek me out. I know my reaction at the time to you endangering yourself wasn't the best. I was still withdrawn and angry over what had taken place. When I went after you and followed you to Callisto, you did not turn me away as I had deserved. You welcomed me and accepted the bond again."
Bulma chewed on her bottom lip and fiddled with the comforter on the bed as she listened to all that he had to say.
"You may be weak in physical strength but your inner strength and strength in character more than makes up for it. You are my equal in every way that matters and I would choose no one else but you to be my queen." He finished, realizing he had probably said much more than he should have and hoped that she would not reciprocate in anger or harsh words. It had been extremely difficult for him to admit to everything he had just told her. He would have much rather shown her through the bond the depth of his feelings for her, but since she refused to allow him that, he hoped that his words would be enough, even though he knew he was no good at expressing himself verbally.
"And because I'm beautiful too, right?" she asked lightly, hoping to get him to lighten up. He had been so stoic as he told her all of that.
"You're alright," he shrugged, giving her a smirk.
"So you can list out all of my good qualities and all the reasons you were drawn to me, but you won't tell me you love me." She said looking pointedly at him.
"No. I have not told you that I love you, and I will not." He replied firmly.
"But-"
"Listen. I am not a patient man and I am sorry for that; but I am being patient with you because this is not your fault. Those words are not words that flow freely from my mouth and are reserved only for my mate and I did not even say them to her. Until I can look at you and see some semblance of my mate before all of this, I will not be uttering those words. Do not take my refusal to say it now the wrong way. The woman I knew before," he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose in shame. "My mate deserved to hear those words and I failed her by not telling them to her."
Bulma found herself unable to form a response. The depth of the meaning of what he had just said to her meant more to her than anything he could have ever said to her. She looked at him and felt herself grow warm all over from the intense way he was looking at her. She could tell from the way he was looking at her that this was just as difficult on him as it was for her.
"You didn't fail me, Vegeta."
"I did." He nodded, "When we were talking in the cell on Frieza's ship, you said the first thing you'd thought once you had woken up from whatever it was those goddamned scientists put you through; the first thing you thought of was why I hadn't told you that I loved you. That is what you said, was it not?"
"Yeah, I woke up and I was angry and I didn't know where I was. All I remembered was telling you that I loved you and you not saying it back."
"That's because when you found out what they were going to do, in your panic, you told me five maybe six times that you did. The last thoughts that I got from you were that you loved me and wondering why hadn't I returned the sentiment. Then either they sedated you or you put up a wall blocking me out." He said quietly, unable to look at her.
"Why didn't you?"
"Because it's not something say. I have never said it. I never needed to. You always knew because of the bond." He answered in a withdrawn tone. "It was something that I took for granted. Until you were gone from me, I never realized that you might need to hear it. I think now that if I had said it, then maybe you might not hold as much animosity towards me. I do not know, I have no idea of what it is exactly that they did to you, but perhaps in my not giving that to you, by me not telling you that, I failed you."
"Well, you can make it up to me by telling me now, if it's true." She said hopefully after a long silent pause between them.
Vegeta sat there and studied her intently for a long moment that felt like forever to Bulma. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he going to tell her? She knew that he must love her. She could clearly see that, but she wanted to hear the words. If she could hear the words, it would go such a long way to helping her to trust him.
He frowned and shook his head as he looked back down at his hands. He couldn't; not when this woman had no recollection of anything they'd shared before. It wasn't right.
Bulma's heart sank as she saw him look away from her and shake his head. Why was this so hard for him she wondered? Was it that bad to admitting to caring for someone? He had already not in so many words told her how he'd felt about her. So why could he not tell her that he loved her? He obviously felt regret for not telling her before, so what if she didn't remember things? She was still Bulma.
She decided to be bold and go to him; she swallowed her pride and her fear and crawled over next to him, took his hand and rest her head on his shoulder.
Vegeta turned his head and looked down at her in amazement. Here she was, afraid of him and wanting him to confess his love for her and she still came and sat next to him. That had not been the reaction he had thought he would get from her with his silent, no reply to her request. He looked down at her hand; her fingers loosely laced with his. After looking at it for what felt like forever, he brought her hand up to his mouth and lightly brushed her knuckles with his lips. Maybe there was hope for them? The last few hours they had spent talking had been exhausting for both of them, but he had felt it had been a step in the right direction.
As he sat there in silence with her, he decided that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he fully admitted his feelings for her. While he still felt that he had failed her before by not telling her and that she deserved to hear them before this happened, if that was what she needed now to give him a chance, then maybe that was what he had to do.
The more the moments passed, the more he thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. It didn't mean he had to go running around the ship like a fool and tell everyone. Maybe he could still keep some of his dignity intact. After all, it was only the two of them here at the moment. No one else had to know. He sighed heavily and looked back down at her.
"Woman?" he said to her. There was no response. "Bulma?" he said again, craning his neck down to look at her only to see that she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Surely he hadn't been sitting here contemplating what to do all that long, had he? "Never fails," he mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing in frustration. What was it with this woman always falling asleep on him? It was oddly reminiscent of the first few nights they had spent together.
Vegeta carefully untwined his fingers with hers in an effort not to wake her and gently laid her back down on her pillow where she had been before. He sat there a moment, contemplating what he should do or where he should go and then decided to stay with her. She had, after all invited him into her bed, so he assumed it was a safe assumption that the invitation still stood.
He lay next to her on his back with his arms crossed, wondering what tomorrow would bring for them? Would things be better? Or would they be worse?
His thoughts were interrupted when he felt her shiver in her sleep. The silly woman had been lying on top of her comforter and was now cold. He couldn't cover her up without waking her up, so he did what he had wanted to do from the first night they had left Frieza's ship; he rolled on his side and ever so carefully wrapped his arms around her center and pulled her close into the familiar embrace they had shared nearly every night they had been together.
He took in her scent and thought he had never smelled something so wonderful, so enticing in his life and wondered how he had managed without her all those weeks he was in space travelling after her. His thoughts wandered to their conversation that evening and realized that not only had he missed not holding her every night but he missed her not telling him that she loved him on a constant basis. He had always brushed her off or ridiculed her for always having to say such weak and emotional sentiments; thinking that since they had the bond that it was pointless.
As he thought on all of that, his thoughts drifted on to the child she was carrying. He subtly moved his hand a little further down her abdomen and sought out the life energy of the child. He couldn't help the smirk playing on his lips as he noted that the child was fine; growing and strong. Relief washed over him in knowing that both Bulma and the child would be safe. Frieza would never have the chance to damage either of them. He swallowed down the rage that threatened to creep up at the memory of what Frieza had purposed. Thankfully he had been able to defeat him easily.
Vegeta sighed in contentment for the first time in what felt like ages as he let sleep claim him.
-0-0-0-
The next morning, Bulma woke up with the feeling of warm arms enveloping her. She opened her eyes and froze once she realized where she was and who she was with. She swallowed heavily in an effort to keep herself from panicking as she tried to remember the events from the previous night.
She remembered waking up and seeing Vegeta sitting on the floor, brooding. She had invited him to share her bed; she remembered that. She remembered talking with him about what had happened; how they'd met and her concerns with him raising their child because of his past. She then remembered him telling her all of the reasons he had chosen her to be his mate and that he wouldn't tell her he loved her because she couldn't remember anything of their life together and how he felt he'd failed her before all of this had happened.
While part of her mind was urging her to get away from him, the other half acknowledged that he was the right thing. She had to trust him; find a way to get over this. Everything they had done to her was a lie. She wasn't sure she would be able to just toss it all to the side just like that, but she wanted to give him a chance. The memory of what he had told her last night made her stomach flutter, even though he hadn't told her he loved her. He hadn't specifically said the words, but in his own way indicated that he indeed did love her. Very much.
That was enough for her. At the moment, anyway.
She tried to turn herself so she could get up, only to have him pull her back closer against his chest. "Where are you going?" he asked sleepily. He could not remember the last time he had slept so well.
"I have to get up," she replied awkwardly.
"Stay," he said to her.
"Why?" she asked as she turned her face back to try and look at him.
"Because I want you to," He said against her cheek and then kissing the side of her mouth.
Bulma contemplated that for a moment and decided that she could stay a little while longer with him. After all, she did feel quite content in his arms. She managed to turn herself around so that she was facing him, his eyes were still closed, and she noticed how relaxed his face looked; his eyebrows weren't drawn together in his usual scowl. It dawned to her how handsome he was.
Carefully, she reached with her hand and touched the side of his face. He opened his eyes to look at her. He didn't say anything to her as she carefully ran her hand down the side of his face experimentally as though trying to remember every feature of his face. She trailed her fingers down his strong jaw line and back up again before smoothing out one of his eyebrows with her thumb and ran her fingers through his thick hair.
He reached up and took her hand from his hair and brought it close to him, not breaking eye contact with her. He then leaned forward and kissed her carefully.
Bulma tensed up for a moment as his lips made contact with hers, but quickly decided to relax and give this a chance. She kissed him back shyly.
Vegeta desperately wanted to deepen the kiss, but waited for her. He was just happy that she was here with him and not pushing him away from her. She opened her mouth and sucked on his lower lip as she kissed him back and he took that as permission to proceed and tested the waters out by brushing his tongue against hers, which she didn't seem to mind.
They laid there together, kissing each other slowly and carefully for a long time before Vegeta carefully rolled her on her back, smirking as he looked down at her and noticed that she was blushing before leaning down and kissing her again.
Bulma let her hands travel up his muscular arms and across his shoulders, and rest on either side of his neck as she kissed him back. She let them linger there for a bit before bringing them down his neck where her fingers caught on a chain hidden underneath his blue flight suit. He stopped kissing her as she tugged on the chain around his neck, freeing it.
She licked her lips as she looked at the ring on the chain curiously. "I remember this," she murmured almost absent mindedly.
Vegeta raised his eyebrows. "What do you remember?"
"I'm not sure," she replied, examining the black onyx ring carefully. "I just remember it."
"Hmmn." He grunted taking her left hand and holding it up to her. She was wearing her ring on her ring finger.
"This was from you?" she asked.
"It was, yes."
"I don't remember where I had gotten it from but when I woke up I had taken it off and when I went back to the lab to get the key for your ki collar I saw it in the same drawer and decided it must have been important that I had been wearing it," she told him. "It's beautiful."
"You had told me once that the people of your culture exchanged vows and rings. At the time, I decided since your planet was no more and you would be following most of my customs it was only fair that we follow something of your people's customs."
She beamed up at him, "Really?"
"Hmmn." He nodded.
"Wow," she whispered.
She was going to comment further when there was a knock on her door and Yamcha poked his head into her room. "Hey, B? Your mom said, Ohh."
"Yamcha!" Bulma objected, sitting up on her elbows and bumping her head with Vegeta's in her panic from the abrupt interruption. "Shit!" she cursed as she laid back down again, holding her forehead from the impact.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Yamcha demanded, looking at Vegeta, who also had his palm on his forehead. "B, was he trying to take advantage of you?"
"No, he was not!" Bulma shouted at him.
Before Yamcha had a chance to reply, Vegeta already had him by the throat and hauled him up against the wall. "I might ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?"
"I don't have to answer to you." Yamcha spat at him. "What were you doing lurking around and preying on her in the first place? Looks pretty creepy to me."
"Not that it's any of your business, but I asked him to stay." Bulma cut in before Vegeta had a chance to reply. "What do you want? Don't you know how to knock? What if I had been getting dressed?"
"I only came to let you know that breakfast was ready," Yamcha answered defensively. "And here I find you in here necking with him!"
"Yamcha, what I do and with who I do it with is none of your concern!" she said, getting out of bed and stomping over towards him.
"Oh, so you're just going to let him take advantage of you all over again? B, you're free of him and his influence!" Yamcha objected. "I thought we were going to give things another chance."
Vegeta turned and glared at Bulma, all the while still keeping Yamcha pinned to the wall.
"I never said that," she replied. "I told you to give me my space while I figured everything out. That was it."
"Yeah, so that we could sort through things and make a new beginning."
"No! I told you I needed to figure things out. You wouldn't stop hovering over me like I was a sick, injured puppy." She corrected him. "You chose to take my explanation as encouragement."
"Oh, so that's it then? You'd choose him over me again? Without even giving me a chance?"
"Yamcha, I had a life with him; he's the father of my child. I think that trumps everything and everyone else, don't you think?" she said angrily.
"Wow." He said, shaking his head and looking back at Vegeta who had been oddly quiet this whole time. "You're really something, aren't you? That didn't take you long now, did it?"
"I warned you to keep your distance, human." Vegeta growled between clenched teeth, just itching to squeeze the life out of Yamcha once and for all. "You are on notice. Need I remind you of our little agreement?"
"Yea, hey Bulma, get this! He threatened me the day he arrived on this ship that he was going to kill me once we get home."
"You what?" she asked in shock, looking at Vegeta with a glare.
"I did," he growled.
"Why? Why would you do something like that?"
"Should I tell her, or would you like to?" Vegeta asked Yamcha with a sinister smirk.
Yamcha scowled at him while trying to loosen Vegeta's grip around his throat.
"Alright, I'll tell her." Vegeta chuckled. "This low life was the one who delivered you to Frieza himself. When you refused to leave with him, he subdued you and drugged you and hand delivered you himself straight to Frieza. Do I need to remind her of how you so kindly kept her chained in a small room with hardly any food or water, even after you learned she was with child, or would you like to fill her in on those details, since I wasn't actually present?"
Bulma looked at Yamcha in shock. "You did that?"
"Bulma, I told you, I was only trying to help." Yamcha said weakly. "I didn't know Frieza was that bad. I told you that."
"Get out." Bulma said shortly to him.
"But Bulma,"
"No. I said get out." She said again, "Vegeta, put him down and let him go."
"I could crush the life out of him," Vegeta said hopefully, tightening his grip around Yamcha's throat, blocking his airways."
"No," she said. "Let him go. I only want him to leave."
"But Woman, what he did; what ne nearly cost both of us-" Vegeta objected, looking at her like she was insane.
"I know!" she said angrily, stomping her foot. "Just, let him go. It's not worth it. He's not worth it."
Vegeta snorted, but let him go, smirking for good measure when he fell to the floor, clutching his neck trying to catch his breath. "You are very fortunate, human." He mumbled.
"He's insane, Bulma!" Yamcha said between coughing.
"Leave me alone," she said turning away from him and going back to bed.
"You just believe him over me just like that?"
"It isn't just You who I have heard that story from, Yamcha!" she shouted at him. "Kakarott told me. Then you told me a dummed down version of it. Then my father told me, and don't you say its Kakarott and Vegeta who turned him against you! My father said you did not deny it when Kakarott told him what had happened in front of you. That's three reliable sources! And Vegeta didn't speak a work of it to me until now."
Yamcha, who had sat up by this time just nodded in response. "Alright. It's true. I did do that. I'm not proud of it, but that's how it went down. There. Are you happy?"
"No!" she said. "Why do you always have to be that selfish? Could you have not just been happy that I had found someone that I loved and someone who could take care of me? Accept that we were done and move on? We were done, Yamcha! Before Earth was destroyed, we were done. And from what I recall, you weren't too bothered by it."
"I screwed up, I know." He said humbly. "Unfortunately, it took our home planet being destroyed for me to see it."
"I don't care." She sighed. "Just get out and leave me alone. You've done enough."
Yamcha sighed and looked down at his feet. "You win, man." He said bitterly to Vegeta as he finally got up. "Bulma, I'm sorry."
"Fine, you're sorry. Just like you're always sorry whenever you get caught in one of your screw ups. Now leave me alone! Don't talk to me, I need to get my life back in order."
Yamcha nodded and shot Vegeta a dirty look before closing the door and leaving.
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