Quatre Winner\'s Diary

March: Of Fishes, Flowers, and Family

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Sunday, March 16th
9:00 am

I\'m an Uncle! I am an Uncle. I have a niece, so that must mean that I\'m a Uncle. Yes, I\'m an Uncle with a handsome man sleeping next to him. No wonder I\'m excited huh?

Okay excited isn\'t the right word. Happy might be better. Definately happy. Overjoyed, really. Ecstatic wouldn\'t even be too strong. I\'m just too bubbly to sleep. I think I\'ll watch Trowa for a while.

9:15 am

He looks so sweet with his eyes closed like that, lids twitching from REM. I wonder what he\'s dreaming about? Is he having those deliciously naughty dreams like I have of him every morning? I just wrote that down didn\'t I? Maybe excessive giddiness isn\'t good for mental health.

9:20 am

I know it\'s about time to get up, but really all I want to do is cuddle with Trowa. This next week is going to be really long. Really long. Tomorrow I\'m the boss. Officially, finally, and until I retire. No Dad at work. No one to hold my hand, and so I don\'t want to get out of bed. Besides, Trowa just started making the sexiest noises and I think he\'s muttering my name. He\'s having a dream about me. Should I be that flattered by this? Well I am. I\'m going to cuddle back into him for a while, and see what happens when he wakes up.

11:12 am

Trowa\'s in the shower. I told him he needed one and he muttered something about it having to be cold. But that\'s the end of a really long story, and now I finally have time to write down.

So about twelve hours ago my sister had her baby. 10 pounds, 3 ounces, 17 1/2 inches, and every inch a Winner, so my father said. Of course she\'s a girl; with my family\'s genetic luck, I\'m going to have a lot of nieces. Iria and Halim named her Marya Anisah, but expects everyone to call her Mary or Marianne for short, which I’m fine with. Even I have trouble with Arabic names.

I got really excited and called Trowa. He\'d just barely gotten home and I think I was bouncing off the walls a bit, so he came back over the calm me down. We eventually came to the conclusion that he should just stay the night and I kind of drug him down into my bed.

No we didn\'t do anything except cuddle. I know. I\'ve only kissed him on the cheek and we\'ve already slept together, but it was completely innocent, until this morning.

So he was having a wet dream about me. I wasn\'t offended by it, hence snuggling into him while he was still asleep.

I\'m not sure what happened next, but something registered that it wasn\'t a pillow that he was nuzzling and it definately wasn\'t a mattress that he was grinding into, but really I wasn\'t complaining. Really. Needless to be said, he was a little embarrassed to find his nosemy nmy neck, but I couldn\'t stop giggling. I tried, but I couldn\'t. After we both got composed, he asked me what I wanted to do today. I said I didn\'t want to get out of bed, which made him laugh. Then he kissed the top of my head and agreed that we could stay in bed for part of the day.

Yeah I know. He kissed me. I was mush for the next ten minutes.

So we stayed, entwined, under the sheets until ten minutes ago, and he was kind of…well…lets just say that the dream kind of stuck with him. Yet again, it wasn\'t as if I minded much. Actually it\'s kind of flattg, ag, and very romantic. I don\'t know if I could have the same restraint if I was in his position.

Really, I wish he wouldn’t. There are times I wish he’d just throw me on the bed and ravish me, but then I think about it and realize that I’m really not all that ready for sex yet. I thought I was, but I’m not. Not quite yet. Actually I’m still a little scared. Is it going to hurt? Will I even feel anything? And then there’s the whole new question on if I want to be top or bottom.

I have a feeling that everything is a while off. Before that, I have to learn how to give a blow job and a whole lot more about the mechanics of homosexual sex. With girls I had a clear idea of how things worked. And I do have a rough understanding of how male/male sex works, but there’s still so much up in the air. I know a person can fit up there, but won’t it be uncomfortable?

When I asked Duo back in college he told me that when a guy\'s on bottom he has to relax his anal muscles “kind of like you’re shitting.” Yes those were his exact words. But that raises a whole new bunch of questions. What happens if I end up excreting on Trowa? Is it sanitary? Does this mean I need to get enema bags? And what about lube?

It’s aggrivating. There’s too much that I don’t know, not like I knew that much to begin with though. I know how srganrgans work. I even knew a little about male/felmale sex from the pornos my sisters made me watch. They sat around giving me tips. Now, none of that’s useful.

Oh! I was in a really good mood, and now I’m all frustrated again. I need to go do something.

7:11 pm

Well, I feel better now. Much better. After I threw you down on the bed, diary, I ran to the living room and picked up my violin. It calms me down when I play. Which is what I was doing when Trowa exited the shower. I got embarrassed and stopped until he asked me to continue.

I gave him a private concert, in my pajamas, until my fingers started cramping. That kind of forced me to stop. So I put my violin down, still looking at him, and Trowa just sat there, looking back, not saying anything. It would have been creepy if not for the look on his face. I can’t even begin to describe it, but it made the whole moment beautiful.

Then he stood and walked over to me, taking hold of my cramping hand and gently rubbing his thumb over my sore fingers. All I could do was watch as he treated the palm of my hand like the most delicate thing he’d ever touched. Slowly, he lowered his head, making sure to catch my eyes with his before placing the lightest of kisses in the center of my palm, before tracing his lips up to kiss each of my fingers softly. I just watched as he made love to my hand, and that’s really what he did. There’s no other way to describe it. He worshipped it, passionately, lovingly, and thoroughly. Then as suddenly as he started, he stopped, and cupped my cheek with his other hand. We were close enough to kiss, and damn it I wish he had kissed me. I wanted him to, badly. But instead he just said, “Why don’t you go take a shower, little one. I’ll fix us lunch.”

I went, but frustrated. How can he kiss my hand like that and not my lips? Was my refusal back at the clinic that bad? I know I was confused, but I’m not now. And that was almost two months ago. You’d think that he’d be over that by now. Yes, I’m pouting, but wouldn’t you be?

We spent the rest of the day normally. Mostly just wasting time in each other’s company. A lot of the time was spent talking. He told me about this anime series that Heero has and it sounds really interesting. It’s called Ranma ½. It’s about this boy that turns into a girl when you splash him with cold water, and back into a boy with hot water. And there’s this other boy that turns into a pig and one that turns into a duck. And Ranma, the boy/girl, has something like four fiancées, but only one that he really likes. Her name\'s Akane. It didn’t take me long to talk Trowa into borrowing them so we can watch all eight seasons of the series. I know that it’ll take a while, but maybe if he feels a secure commitment from me, then perhaps he’ll kiss me. Maybe he’s holding back because he’s afraid I’ll run. I’m not going to, but it’s probable that he has that fear. I’m just trying to take that away.

He’s at home now. We decided I needed to get some sleep, which means he decided and I agreed. I do have a busy day tomorrow. I’m going to be a CEO.