Born Again
Chapter 4- Eclipse of the heart.
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AUTHOR’S NOTE: This chapter is a bit longer... or
the other ones were just shorter..? Hmm... hard to tell... I think that this is
going to turn out as a long fic... ::><:: Gomen! Expect long chapters... cuz
my objective is not to make a chapter about X pages long, but to get the story
moving from point A to B. So... it should take X or Y or Z pages, but it WILL
get from one point to another... GOMEN! *begs for your forgiveness* ^^;;
AGAIN
FOUR-
OF THE HEART
* * *
“Hands up, c’mon.” Duo let
out with a light groan, looking down at Heero with impatient eyes. They were
standing in the steamy bathroom, after Duo had given Heero his shower. In his
hand, he was holding a blue sweater, ready to put it on the boy.
“I want... I want alonR”
Heero mumbled tentatively, lips pouting.
Duo sighed. “Heero, you
already tried with the shirt, and you saw that it wasn’t working. Stop being
stubborn.” Duo demanded, sending a hasty glance at his wristwatch. He sighed
and looked up at Heero. “C’mon, Hee-chan, Wufei and Sally will be here in ANY
minute now!”
“I want!” Heero called,
pouting, trying to pull the sweater out of Duo’s grasp.
“No!” Duo answered sharply,
yanking the sweater out of Heero’s weak hold. He then forcefully shoved the
sweater down Heero’s head, pushing it down and hurrying to grab Heero’s arms,
forcing them through the sleeves.
“But I wanted to!” Heero
whined, still pouting, as Duo fixed his white shirt’s collar, pulling it out
from underneath the sweater. He kneeled down and quickly tidied the white
sleeves of the shirt, folding them neatly around the blue sweater.
“There’s no time.” Duo
grunted as he fixed Heero’s dark gray trousers, for they were a little big and
kept slipping off his slim waist. While Heero did gain some weight since
they found him, and he had a much healthier look now, he was still very thin.
“I told you to get ready earlier, but you wouldn’t budge from the TV now would
you?!” He muttered with a sigh, getting up and rushing to tidy Heero’s messy
bangs a bit.
“But Eddie and Mu--”
“Yeah, yeah, I know...
Edd
Eddie and Murf show. But I told you we have company tonight, and if the pasta
is burning right now, it’s all your fault and you’ll have to deal with a hungry
Wufei!” He berated, planting two hands on his hips, glaring down at the b/spa/span>
Heero sniffled, bowing his
head sadly. “I’m sorry...” He mumbled, his blue eyes sad. “I’m sorry,
Duo-chan... I’m sorry...”
Duo sighed, calming down a
bit. He had been too harsh on Heero, and not for the first time either. For the
last four months all he did was bounce back and forth from frustrated outbursts
to sorrowful apologies. Always hanging between moments of joy and pride and
times of frustration and tears. Tears and joy. Hurt and laughter. A caress and
a shout. Anger and delight. Hate and love.
He was always swinging
between the two, struggling to do what’s right, but yet having a hard time to
keep his cool when things got a little too difficult. For nearly four
months he had been trying to keep strong, to keep his act together and help
Heero recover. It was a long and difficult process, but he guessed that it was
worth it.
After four months, Heero was
his own person again. Well, mostly. In a short amount of time he had picked up
on his motoric and language skills. At first, he was more than a little clumsy.
He had a hard time to learn how to use different tools, as simple as they may
have been, and his walking was a bit awkward. He was unused to walking, and so
he had to relearn that as well. At the time, Sally was amazed that Heero could
do what takes a normal baby about twelve months to learn. Her explanation was
that because humans are born with the natural instinct to walk, Heero had
mastered that rather quickly. Babies take so long to walk because their muscles
are weak and their heads are too heavy. They are born with the natural reflexes
of walking, but since their body is unable to execute it, they soon forget it
and are left with the need to learn it again. Taking into mind that Heero was
NOT a baby, not in the physical sense; he had managed to master walking very
quickly.
Learning to speak was another
matter. It took him about two months before he began to mutter coherent words.
It wasn’t that he didn’t understand what he was hearing, but it was a matter of
learning how to work his mouth and to in in order to pronounce those words. It
was very frustrating for Duo when Heero began to imitate him in whatever he
said or did. Sally said that it was only natural, that it was the normal way
for humans to learn, but it still bothered the braided youth to no end. He
would be sitting in front of the television with Heero, and then the boy would
suddenly start talking quietly to himself, repeating what the news anchor or
weatherman said. Sally explained that Heero was trying to teach himself, as
would any child, how to pronounce the words properly.
Then of course, there was the
pointing. Heero’s favorite game for the first three months. He pointed at
everything and anything, looking at Duo anxiously, waiting for him to say the
word or name the object. Sally explained that by performing this little ‘game’,
Heero’s vocabulary was increasing in about a hundred words per week, possibly
even more. In ten weeks he was already able to produce a typical
three-year-old, two-word, sentence, managing to pick up a basic conversation.
His speech was like a telegram, leaving out all unimportant words, but it was
enough to help him be understood.
Needless to say that the
‘pointing stage’ was hell on poor Duo. His face redden in shame each time he
woue wae walking down the mall or in a public park and then Heero would start
pointing and nagging until he was answered. People would always send him weird
glances, mothers walking with their babies would stare at the both of them in
shock. Duo would then want nothing but to bury his head in the ground and never
come out. He avoided going out with Heero whenever he could, trying to save
himself the embarrassment.
But keeping Heero at home
wasn’t easy either. The boy would always leave a mess around the house; exploring
everything he could put his hands on. Each night Duo found himself cleaning up
the place, after putting Heero to sleep, sighing heavily to himself as he
cleaned the living room, which had turned into Heero’s little laboratory. Sally
kept saying that it is normal and that her daughter does just the same thing.
It’s a baby’s way to discover the basics of the world. Moving things around
discovered concepts like up, down, inside and outside. Even things like gravity
and floating had to be discovered, and so the only thing he could do was let
Heero conduct his little ‘experiments’ and then clean up afterwards. He didn’t
care what Sally said, normal or not normal for babies, it was just NOT normal
for Heero Yuy. He simply could not accept that Heero had changed into an
ignorant little boy, trapped in the body of an adult.
But as time flew by, he was
forced to deal with this fact. After all, he was the one who insisted on
keeping Heero, and so it was his responsibility to see that the boy will
develop well. And babies needed to play around and break things and throw
things in order to develop. At least Heero didn’t put anything in his mouth all
the time like all the other babies Duo had seen. This was due to the fact that
Heero’s senses were those of an adult, and he didn’t need to use his mouth in
order to feel things around him. That was a big relief for Duo. He didn’t know
if he could have handled watching Heero place various artifacts into his mouth
all the time.
But nevertheless, Sally still
insisted that he needed to give Heero something to busy himself with. Duo
wanted to hang himself at the stares he got in the local toy store when he went
with Heero to buy toys. The Japanese boy was ecstatic, and Duo tried to
restrain him as he bounced from one corner to another, calling out in
excitement. That day had brought out one of his worse outbursts, which resulted
in many tears from Heero and many harsh words and glares from Sally.
But he couldn’t help it. His
heart simply refused to accept the facts. While his brain was well aware of
what had happened to Heero, his c tec telling him that he must do his best to
help the boy recover, his heart refused to listen. He was still waiting for
Heero to smirk at him and say that he was the biggest baka in the world for being
fooled like that. He was still expecting the boy to glare at him each time he
told him to go to shower or brush his teeth. He was still waiting for Heero to
yell back at him when he snapped at the boy, instead of seeing those large baby
blue eyes fill with tears. He was still waiting for Heero to come back to him.
In his heart, he was still searching for Heero, like he had been searching for
the last two years.
While his mind knew that the
quest was over, Duo’s heart was still searching, still praying, still wishing
and begging for Heero to return to him.
Looking down at the boy now,
Duo’s heart was reminded that all was for naught. The only Heero Yuy he’ll be
finding each time he opened his eyes, would be an innocent little
nineteen-year-old boy with shining cobalt eyes and scruffy dark hair. A boy who
would always be looking up at him like a child would look at his parent. There
would always be a child’s love and admiration in those naive blue eyes, and
there would always be the ragged little bear in his arms to remind Duo, once
again, that this was not the strong soldier he was facing.
Duo took a deep breath and
released it with a long, miserable, sigh. He gently patted the top of Heero’s
head and looked down at him sorrowfully. “It’s not your fault, Hee-chan. I’m
sorry. I’m not mad at you.” He whispered, running his fingers against Heero’s
tender cheek. He smiled sadly at the boy, his gaze softening. He lifted up his
hand and offered his pinky to the boy. “Friends?”
Heero’s lips pouted and he
looked up at Duo with an adorable little pout. After some time of ‘considering’
the situation, Heero smiled deviously and nodded his head. “Hai... but only if
Yoshi come!”
Duo forced himself to smile
down at the boy and petted his hair again. “Sure, he can come.”
“And he seats on table.”
Heero added another condition.
Duo’s smile grew by a little
bit. “Deal.”
The Japanese boy smiled
happily and then wrapped his pinky around Duo’s finger. He smiled up at the
other boy, his cobalt eyes shining. “Okay.... friends.”
Duo smiled back, relived.
“I’m gonna put Yoshi shirt!”
The boy announced and then quickly bounced out of the bathroom, his bear in
hand. Duo remained standing in the bathroom for a while longer, looking after
his retreating form. He sighed sadly and then straightened up, walking out of
the bathroom as well.
Yoshi... Heero’s precious
little bear. It was the same bear he held when they had first found him, and he
didn’t let go of it since. Neither Sally nor Duo could claim to understand
Heero’s close connection with the bear, nor could they begin to guess why J
allowed him to keep it. The best thing they could think of was that it helped
to keep Heero’s sanity, for the boy grew very attached to the small bear and
considered it his closest friend and ally. He wouldn’t go ANYWHERE without it,
and he would treat it just like another person. It was clear that he loved the
bear dearly, and no matter what Duo tried, he refused to let go of it. Walking
down the street, the mall, the park... Yoshi was always with him. It was there
when he slept and it was there when he had his breakfast. Yoshi and Heero were
one, and there was no separating them.
Duo knew that Heero was TOO
attached to the damn toy, and he planed on fixing that. Heero could never be a
normal person again if he remained walking around with a stuffed bear.
“Duo! Duo! The water’s up!
It’s up! It’s up!” Heero’s voice called from the kitchen, followed by the sound
of water boiling and sliding off the rims of the pot.
“Ahh... shit!” Duo cursed,
running out of the bathroom and to the kitchen. He hurried to uncover the pot
and turn off the electric stove. “See, I told you the pasta will burn. Now it
will be all mushy!” Duo muttered as he rushed to take the pasta out of the pot,
pouring it into a colander, holding it above the sink.
“I hold it?” Heero asked,
peeking behind Duo’s shoulder. He reached out a hand into the sink.
“No, Heero, it’s too hot. Why
won’t you put the wine on the table?”
“Okay!” The Japanese boy
called happily and hurried to the fridge, Yoshi in hand. “I pick red one!” He
announced with pride, pulling out a bottle of red wine.
Duo smiled faintly. “Fine.
That’s good. Put it on the table, okay?”
“Okay!” Heero answered and
ran out of the kitchen, the refrigerator’s door slamming shut behind him.
Duo sighed and shook his
head, a little amused by the boy’s enthusiasm. He was always excited when Sally
and Chang came over, especially because they always brought their baby, Meiran,
along with them. He looked up at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall and
cursed again. He had about zero time to prepare the sauce. Having no other
choice, he opened a bag of instant-sauce, cursing himself for not doing it
earlier. That way he would have avoided Sally’s teasing comments...
* * *
“So how’s that Macro case
going?” Duo asked casually, halfway into their meal. They were seated around
the round dinner table, which Duo had moved out of the kitchen and into the
living room, so they could all eat in a nicer setting.
Wufei sighed and shook his
head. “No progress, I’m afraid. We’re still waiting for the AOS committee to
approve of the RK results.” He took a sip of his wine and then sighed. “By the
rate things are going, I think I might have to go up to Capital again and bribe
some senators into giving us the green light...”
Duo chuckled, sipping his
wine as well. “I know what you mean. I’m STILL fighting for the rights to get
the ALEM case moving to Japan. Those guys can handle it better from there, but
the uptight we-got-a-stick-up-our-ass people in Capital just dun get it!”
Sitting quietly in his chair,
Heero sighed and looked down at his meal. It was mostly untouched, the small
chicken and pasta still lying on his plate, while only a few peas and carrots
were missing from the dish. He held his fork limply in his hand, shoving the
green peas back and forth, playing with his food but not touching it. His blue
sweater now had a small red stain on it, for he had dropped some pasta, earning
a harsh look from Duo-chan. So he had given up on the pasta, not wanting to get
his clothes dirty and make Duo-chan mad, and so he just sat there, playing with
the green peas.
Yoshi was sitting to his
right, on his own little chair, also wearing a small white shirt. But Yoshi’s
shirt didn’t have an uncomfortable collar like his shirt. He wondered if he
could switch with Yoshi, because his shirt was REALLY uncomfortable, but he
didn’t want Yoshi to be uncomfortable, so it was a definite no no. Besides,
when he looked up, he saw that Wufei was wearing a shirt with a collar and even
Duo-chan’s shirt had a collar. Sally didn’t have a collar, but she was a girl,
and Meiran didn’t have a collar because she was a baby. Only babies didn’t have
a collar, so he wanted to keep his collar, because he wasn’t so small like
Meiran.
“... and then this ASSHOLE
from section six tells me I have to go back up there and do it myself!”
Duo spoke angrily as he took a swig of his wine.
Heero looked up at the
braided boy, blue eyes shining under the candlelight that lit the dinner table.
He was trying to catch up with the conversation, looking up at each speaker
with great interest.
“No kidding!” Wufei
exclaimed, as he leaned one elbow on the table, smirking. “That’s some
nerve...” He spoke sarcastically.
“Chyeah!” Duo snorted as he
put his glass down, grinning at the sarcasm in his friend’s voice. “So I shoved
the file into that God damned German’s hands and told him to stuff it! I ain’t
doing no section six officer’s job! God damn it, I’m the one the fucker is
working for! Not the other way around!”
Wufei chuckled, and Heero
tried to smile as well, wanting to share the joke, though he failed to
understand it.
“And he actually listened to
you?”
“Hell yeah!” Duo answered
with a wide grin. “And just to teach him a lesson, I assigned him to the PPLS
project.”
“Ha! You put him on PPLS!?”
Wufei laughed, punching the table in a fit of laughter.
Heero forced out a chuckle,
looking up at Duo-chan, trying to show him that he was listening. But the
braided boy was looking up at Wufei, and he didn’t notice Heero’s smile. The
smile faded and Heero’s eyes darkened. He bowed his head sadly and returned to
pick on his food.
He sighed heavily. At least
Duo-chan was smiling, which was a good thing, because Duo-chan didn’t smile a
lot around him. It was good that Duo-chan was having fun now, because he could
never make him smile. He only made his purple eyes turn sad and he got him mad
a lot.
“Ha! Poor bastard!” Wufei was
laughing hard now, nearly choking on his wine. “Haha! You might as well send
him to rot in hell, Maxwell! Cuz NO one deserves to be on PPLS!”
“Chang!” Sally called,
sending her husband a reprimanding look.
Duo chuckled again and Heero
flinched, as if hurt by the sound. When the laughter calmed, Heero ducked his
head between his shoulders, thinking that if he will shrink deep enough, he
will disappear and everyone will laugh again.
“Well, I’m sure he had it
coming...” Wufei muttered, wiping a tear of laughter out of his eyes. “Great
gods, Maxwell, that was one MISCHIEVOUS stunt. I bet the guy is cursing
himself for ever knowing you!”
Still keeping his gaze down,
Heero frowned. “Miss...cho... viii...ous...” He whispered quietly, squashing a
few peas with his fork. “Misschovi...ous..? Misschovous...” He repeated
quietly, looking down at his plate, unaware of the fact that a pair of worried
crystal blue eyes was watching him.
“Heero?” Sally asked in
concern, reaching down a hand and resting it on the boy’s shoulder. “Heero, are
you all right?”
But the boy didn’t reply and
just continued playing with his food, whispering quietly to himself.
“Heero?” Sally tried again.
“What’s the matter? Are you not hungry?”
Heero sniffled quietly and
looked up. “No...”
“Are you sure?” This time, it
was Duo who asked the question, looking worriedly up at Heero. He frowned as he
saw the boy bow his head down sadly, looking down at his hands, which were
lying on his lap, away from Duo’s line of sight.
Heero took a deep breath, his
fingers fidgeting. “I... No... I... I want... I want uh...” He mumbled,
refusing to lift his gaze up.
Duo sighed and leaned
forward, towards Heero, looking at him intensely. “Heero, what’s wrong?
Heero closed his eyes sadly,
clenching his hands into fists. “I... I want to know... a misscho... uh... I...
I’m not hungry... I... uh...” He took a deep breath, looking up quickly.
“ThankyouverymuchmayIbeexcused?” He blurted out all at once, looking up at Duo.
Duo’s frown deepened.
Heero swallowed. “I, uh...
not hungry.”
Duo’s sighed. “What are you
talking about, Heero? You barely touched your food!”
Heero flinched and ducked his
head between his shoulders. “Anou... I... uh...” He mumbled, hands fidgeting.
Sensing how tense the
situation suddenly became, Sally sighed and turned her gaze away from Duo. She
reached down for Heero’s hand and smiled at the boy as he turned to look at
her. “Heero, why won’t you take Meiran and play, okay?” She offered, gesturing
at the living room with her head, where the baby was resting quietly on the
couch.
Heero’s blue eyes seemed to
lighten with a new light and he smiled. “Can I? Honto ni?”
Sally smiled warmly at him.
“Sure, just make sure she won’t swallow anything small...”
“Oh! I will, Sally! I will!” The
boy let out excitedly, hurrying to get out of his chair and run over to the
couch.
In his seat, Duo sighed and
looked away sadly. He bent down to take a quick sip of his wine, closing his
eyes as he heard Heero speaking to the baby, the two of them playing along.
Sally smiled and tore her
gaze away from the two. She sent a quick glance to Duo, not missing his sudden
solemn demeanor. She forced out a chuckle. “Well, at least he ate his
vegetables!” She joked, shrugging, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.
“Yeah...” Duo murmured with a
sigh and took another, long, sip of his wine. “Sure...”
* * *
“Heero seems to be doing
fine.” Sally commented as she watched Heero and Meiran play. Heero was holding
Meiran’s hands in his, sitting in front of the toddler as he played with her,
swinging her hands up and down. Meiran was giggling happily, looking up at
Heero with admiring brown eyes. Sally had to smile warmly at the sight, her
eyes shining with love and pride as she watched the two together. Heero was looking
down at the baby as they played, smiling shyly at her, his cobalt eyes
shimmering under the dim orange light in the living room. Meiran kept giggling
quietly at her friend, her chubby face lightened by her smile.
In the past four months, the
two of them became very close. The first thing Heero always did when Duo and he
came to visit was to go over to Meiran’s playpen. The two could seat on the
carpet for hours, finding mutual things to busy themselves with. It was
sometimes sad to think about it, but if Heero was happy, then so was she.
Sally sighed, her smile
fading. She turned back to Duo. “His speech is well developed.”
“He speaks like a
four-year-old.” Duo spat bitterly. He was now leaning with one elbow on the table,
his head resting against his palm, his other hand playing with his food.
Sally sent him a harsh look.
“And considering that merely four months ago he was barely able to utter a
coherent word, I think that he made a TREMENDOUS progress.”
Duo sighed. “Yeah, I guess
so... but still...”
“Duo.” Wufei spoke up,
looking up at the braided man with his sharp black eyes. It was not often when
he used Duo’s first name, and if he did, it meant that it was serious.
“Duo, I understand that you
are upset over the situation, and I can see where your bitterness is coming
from, but Yuy is not as weak as you believe him to be. He is trying and his
development is growing in a spectacular pace. You should have a little more
faith in him.”
Duo sighed and cast his gaze
down shamefully, picking at his food with his fork.
“Chang is right, Duo.” Sally
spoke up, her voice soft and her gaze compassionate. “In four months he had
learned what takes an infant nearly twenty seven months to learn. He passed
Meiran by two years at least! Do you know the average amount of words a newborn
learns a week?”
Duo sighed and shook his
head.
“Sixty words. It takes them
more than three years to learn how to speak fluently. And listen to Heero now,
after merely four months he is able to put three and sometimes more words into
a logical sentence. He had learned how to walk properly, how to use different
tools, all on his own. And he can understand more than you think he can, Duo.
In this rate, he’ll catch up with his age in a few short years.”
“But he won’t be the same, so
who fucking cares...” Duo whispered harshly, throwing his fork aside. “I don’t
need all your ‘baby growth’ statistics!”
He growled, restraining himself from raising his voice. “I read them
all! I know he’s developing, I see it right before my eyes. But I don’t see
Heero! I don’t see him anymore! This is a different person over there! A
stranger. This is NOT Heero!”
By now, Duo was panting, his
face red and his eyes tearful. He took a few deep breaths, running a hand
through his long bangs, struggling for self-control.
Silence fell around the
dinner table as all occupants bowed their heads sadly. The only sound in the
apartment was the sound of Meiran’s laughter as the small infant played with
her friend.
Duo sighed deeply, casting a
sorrowful look at Heero’s direction, before closing his eyes sadly and looking
away. “I’ll go make some coffee.” He let out quietly and retreated to the
kitchen.
Sally and Chang looked up at
each other worriedly.
Sitting on the carpet not so
far away, Heero lifted another toy and rattled it in front of Meiran’s dancing
eyes. He smiled sadly at her, playing along, while a hot stream of tears slid
down his cheeks.
* * *
The bright light in Heero’s
small bedroom was turned off and another, smaller and dimmer light was flipped
on. Duo was sitting on the edge of Heero’s bed, looking down at the boy as he
carefully tucked the blanket around him. This small room used to be his study,
but when Heero moved in, he cleared everything out of the room, painted the
walls and put some new furniture in. It was a small room, but it held all Heero
could ever need, so it was enough. Sighing, Duo looked down at the boy lying on
the bed, hugging his bear. He shook his head and reached down for the small
toy.
“I don’t... I don’t want to
sleep...” Heero mumbled tiredly as Duo gently pulled Yoshi out of his grasp.
“Heero, it’s late. You should
go to sleep now.” The braided boy answered with a sigh, placing Yoshi on Heero’s
nightstand. He made sure that the boy’s hands were under the blanket and that
he could not hold the silly bear. He was trying to make Heero adapt to the
feeling of sleeping without his precious bear. He wanted Heero to let go of the
stupid toy and begin acting like a grown man. Or at least a teen. Sleeping with
a stuffed bear did NOT help Heero achieve that.
“But I want to talk too...
like everybody else...” Heero whispered sadly, his blue eyes shimmering under the
soft light of his night lamp, looking at Duo pleadingly. “Please Duo-chan? Like
everybody else?”
Duo sighed and shook his
head. “Heero, it’s late. I’ll be going to sleep soon, okay? Goodnight.”
“No... I want... I want to
talk... like everybody else... I can talk too#822#8221; Heero mumbled sadly, trying
to make him understand. “Like... like you do... I want...”
“Heero, Sally and Fei will be
leaving soon. You already said your goodbye. I’m just gonna talk with them a
little, and then they’ll leave.”
“But I want--”
“Heero, what will you talk
about?”
Heero pouted, his blue eyes
sad and glistering with tears. He looked up at Duo, his face begging him to
understand what he was trying so hard to say. But the words just didn’t come.
“See? My point exactly. It’s a
grown-up talk. Even Meiran went to sleep.”
“But... But I’m not lik---”
“Go to sleep, Heero.” Duo
sighed, tired of his game. “dnigdnight.” He let out, patting Heero’s shoulder as
he got up. He left the room, closing the door behind him.
Now alone, Heero sniffled and
turned to lie on his side. He looked up at Yoshi, sitting by his night lamp. He
looked around; making sure that no one was looking, and then carefully reached
two hands from underneath the covers. He took his bear and brought it close to
his chest, hugging him tightly. He made sure that Yoshi was well covered, so he
won’t be cold, and then buried his face in the bear’s soft head. He whimpered
sadly, closing his eyes and squeezing out the tears. “Duo-chan... I want... I
want to talk like everybody... like everybody else...”
* * *
“Hey, sorry I took so long.”
Duo apologized as he re-entered the living room, where Wufei and Sally were
sitting, Meiran’s sleeping form cradle her her mother’s arms.
“No problem.” Sally answered
with a gentle smile. “Is he asleep?”
“Yeah.” Duo let out with a
sigh, pulling out a chair, turning it so the backside was facing the front and
sitting down. He leaned on the backside of the chair, looking up at the couple
on the couch.
“Isn’t it a little early for
him to sleep?” Wufei asked, glancing down at his wristwatch. “It’s only ten PM.”
“It’s late enough.” Duo let
out, looking down at the floor.
“Duo,” Sally began harshly,
looking at him intensely. “You’re treating him like a baby.”
“He is a baby.” Duo grinded
between clenched teeth, still looking down at the floor.
Sally sighed. “Duo, you’re
not being fair to him.”
Violet eyes darted up and
glared at the woman intensely. “Not fair to him?! Not fair? Me?! I’m not
being fair to him?! What about that bastard who made him like this in the first
place!?”
“That bastard, Duo, is dead.”
Wufei growled, looking up at his friend sharply. “But Heero isn’t, though it
seems you forgot that. You barely notice that he’s here.”
“What the fuck are you
talking about!?” Duo growled, throwing the chair aside as he got up. “I’m
taking VERY good care of him!”
“I’m not saying that you’re
not.” Sally replied
calmly, rocking Meiran gently in her arms. “He seems to lack nothing. He is well
clothed, he is well fed, but that’s not all he needs, Duo.”
Duo frowned, though he seemed to be calming down a bit. He
slowly settled himself down in his chair, his movements stiff and numb. “Wha...
what do you mean..?” He mumbled, his face suddenly pale.
“Duo, when was the last time you and Heero had a
conversation?” The woman asked, her gaze compassionate.
Duo’s frown deepened. “What do you mean a conversation?
Heero can barely talk!”
“That’s because he has no incentive to do so.” Sally replied
calmly. “You need to speak with him, Duo. He needs the interaction. I’m sure he
willrn mrn much faster if he had someone to speak with.”
“It’s not that we don’t... I mean... we... we talk. It’s
not like I don’t tell him stuff...” Duo mumbled, looking down at his hands.
“Duo,” Sally let out harshly, looking up at him with knowing
eyes. “Heero’s locked at home all day while you’re at work; he has no one to
speak with. And when you do come home, what then? Do you talk to him? Do you
spend time with him? Do you ask him about his day? Do you take interest in what
he has to say?”
Wa'>With each one of Sally’rds,rds, Duo’s face paled more and
more. The answer for each one of Sally’s questions was a definite no. He did
none of the above. He just made sure Heero was warm and safe and well fed. He
came back home and gave him his dinner, but he never asked him what he did all
day. He tucked him to bed and instead of wishing him sweet dreams, he argued
with him that he shouldn’t sleep with the light on. He would give him breakfast
and leave him his lunch for later, but he didn’t leave him something to do
while he went to work. He just waited for Heero to come out of this all on his
own. He actually believed that the boy would come to by himself, and all he had
to do was wait.
But in waiting, he ended up delaying Heero’s recovery.
font-family:Verdana'>“Duo,” Sally’s voice drew him out of his musings, and he
looked up. “Duo, you chose to stay with Heero, and I understand that. I also
understand how hard it is for you, believe me that I do. It’s hard for all of
us to see him like this. But if you can’t handle taking care of him, if after
all this time you are still unable to cope, I think you should consider letting
go.”
Duo’s eyes widened, and his face paled even more. “What are
you saying, Sal? That I should just give up!?”
“You’re not doing him any good, Duo.” Wufei replied
instead of his wife. “We have to keep Heero’s well-being in mind.”
“But he likes it here!” Duo protested, jumping out of his
chair. “He WANTS to be here!”
“That’s because he got attached to you, Duo. I warned you
when we started this. I told you to consider this well before you take him in.”
Sally explained with a sigh. “He knows nothing better, Duo.”
“You’re saying that I should send him away...” Duo whispered,
sagging back into his chair, his body numb from shock. “You’re saying that I
should just give up on Heero?”
“It is in my professional opinion, that Heero is better
off in a special institute, yes.” She sighed, shifting her hold on the baby,
and looking up at Duo in a sympathetic gaze. “As a friend, it hurts me to say
this. I care for the both of you dearly, and I want the best for the two of
you. Duo, I think that you should consider this option, before it’s too late.”
Violet eyes filled with teats and Duo could do nothing but
to stare down at his trembling hands. His face grew hot and red with
self-loathing, his features pained and his expression lost. “I...” He choked
out, and then trailed off, having nothing to say. He took a deep breath,
burying his pale features in his hands. “I...” There was nothing he could
say.
* * *
Cobalt blue eyes stared
numbly at the small night lamp, shimmering with unshed tears. Heero lay in his
bed, curled into a small human ball, Yoshi held tightly in his arms. He was
looking at the soft orange light emitting from the lamp, his expression forlorn.
Sleeping with a light helped
him sleep better. Lying in the dark always made him think of the Bad Dark Place
and the Bad Man who lived in the shadows. He knew that everybody else didn’t
need a lamp. Duo-chan didn’t have one and he never saw one in Sally and Chang’s
room. Meiran had a cow lamp in her room, but she was small and he wasn’t.
Everybody else wasn’t so small either and they didn’t sleep with a light.
Heero sighed sadly and closed
his eyes. Everybody else could say big words like ‘misschovocous’ too.
He opened his eyes, looking
around sadly. His blue eyes scanned the room, a few tears escaping his eyes and
sliding down to the pillow. Determined, he shifted his gaze up to the night
lamp and held the switch in his hand. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes
tight and prepared to close the switch. He stopped himself though, his eyes
flying open again. He took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart, and
then slowly, carefully, pushed himself to the edge of the bed. Hugging Yoshi
tightly, protecting his friend, Heero bent down to check under the bed, making
sure no one was hiding in the shadows. Relaxing a little when he saw that there
was no one there, he scanned the room one last time and then turned back to the
lamp.
He turned off the light and
hurried to curl on the bed, holding Yoshi securely. His eyes were closed tightly,
his body trembling in fear.
Lying in the dark always made
him think about the Bad Man and his Hands. They were always there and you can
never know when they will be nice and when they will hurt. Sometimes there were
voices, and then you can tell that the Bad Man was coming to you from the
shadows. Sometimes it was good when he came, because he brought Good Things. But
then it was bad because you always had to pay him back for the Good Things. You
had to let him do the Bad Things.
Noises came from the outside
and Heero’s breathing became frantic, his trembling increasing.
He couldn’t take it anymore
and he whimpered, flinging his hands up and flipping on the light.
He lay still, panting, his
heart racing, pounding strongly against this rib cage.
His eyes remained focused on
a single framed photo lying on his nightstand. He had found this photo a long
time ago, during his ‘explorations’ around the house. It was a photo of Duo-chan
and the ‘Old Heero’. Duo-chan had told him about the ‘Old Heero’. He told him
how different he was and how smart he was and how he knew everything. Heero
knew that he was very different from the ‘Old Heero’, but he still knew that he
was the real and only Heero now. The ‘Old Heero’ was gone, and he was
all that was left. Duo-chan said that it was okay, that he wasn’t mad, but Heero
figured that he meant that he wasn’t mad at the ‘Old Heero’. With him, he was always
mad. It was just because he wasn’t smart enough, like everybody else are.
Sighing, Heero reached for the
picture and lifted it up to his face.examexamined the ‘Old Heero’s’ face, his
expression miserable as he was faced with Duo-chan’s smiling face, right next
to the ‘Old Heero’. It was a nice picture, and he liked it because it had snow
in it. He never saw snow before, and he thought that it must be very pretty. In
the picture, Duo-chan was wearing a very funny orange coat, and a purple headset
over his ears. He had his arm around the ‘Old Heero’ and the other boy was
holding him too. They were both smiling (though the ‘Old Heero’s’ smile was
very small) and they looked very happy. It must be because that there was a lot
of snow around them, and there was even a snowman. He never built a snowman,
but he thought that it would be fun if he could. But it wasn’t the reason the
two were smiling. They were smiling because they were happy. Duo-chan used to
smile a lot.
Heero sighed and reached out
a hand, gently caressing Duo-chan’s smiling face. Sometimes Duo-chan smiled at
people in the street, and sometimes, and those were the best times, he would smile
at him. But it didn’t happen a lot.
He bet that the ‘Old Heero’
was never afraid of the dark. He bet that he didn’t sleep with a night lamp and
that he could say big words like ‘misschovounos’. Duo-chan probably smiled a
lot because the ‘Old Heero’ was VERY VERY smart.
Not like him.
He couldn’t help it and a
whimper escaped his lips. His trembling hand gently placed the picture on the
nightstand, touching it as if it was some holy artifact. Duo-chan never took a picture
of him, so he only had this picture to keep. It was okay, because he and the ‘Old
Heero’ looked about the same. And Duo-chan was smiling here, so it was a VERY
nice picture. He cherished Duo-chan’s smile dearly, sometimes even more than he
cherished Yoshi.
Closing his eyes, Heero curled
tightly on the bed, holding Yoshi close to his heart. He let out another small whimper
and then closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. But all he could think of was
Duo-chan’s smile and how much he wanted him to take a picture of him too.
As silver tears ran out of
his shut eyes, Heero cried silently in his bed, whispering into thin air: “...missco...
misscho... mischovunos... mischovouns. . .”
* * * “Goodnight Duo. I’ll be
p>
seeing you in the office.” Wufei spoke with a soft smile and shook Duo’s hand.
“Yeah, bye Fei.” Duo
answered, holding the door open, a small smile on his face. “Drive safely.”
Wufei nodded, holding onto Meiran’s
pram. The baby was sleeping soundly in her small pram, sucking on her thumb. “I
will.” Wufei promised and pushed the pram out the door.
“That was a great dinner,
Duo. Better than I excepted.” Sally spoke with a wink, hugging Duo before she
left to the door.
“Heh, thanks Sal. I told you
I don’t eat junk food.” Duo answered with half a smile.
“Only when I’m around.” Sally
teased, seeing straight through Duo’s bitter smile.
Duo rolled his eyes. “Right.”
“Well, goodnight, Duo. You
take car of yourself, you hear?” Sally added, right before leaving.
“I’ll try.” Duo joked, forcing
out a chuckle.
Blue eyes looked at him
harshly. “I mean it, Duo.”
“Yeah, I know, thanks Sal.”
He let out seriously, nodding his head. He walked the young woman out the door
and into the hallway, where Wufei was waiting. “Bye Mei-chan! Don’t give them
too much trouble.” He called quietly, waving a goodbye at the small, sleeping,
infant.
Sally smiled, and bent down
to kiss his cheek as a finale goodbye. Duo smiled faintly watched the three
leave and then walked back in, closing the door. He then leaned on it and
sighed heavily, his eyes looking around the empty apartment, suddenly feeling
very alone. He could feel Heero’s presence in his bedroom, but it was a small
comfort.
Duo closed his eyes sadly and
with a sigh, he pushed himself off the door. He set to clear the table and do tdishdishes, working alone in a silent and heavy atmosphere. His violet eyes shone
under the hard kitchen light, glistering with unshed tears that slid down to
his cheeks and into the sink. He sniffled quietly, wiping the tears away with
his sleeve from time to time.
It was time he began to face
it.
This isn’t working out.
He can’t go on like this.
Heero had to go.
* * *
The next evening, Duo
silently entered Heero’s room. He had spent the whole day brooding and thinking
and soul searching until he had to face the inevitable. tha that was left to
do, was tell Heero.
The said boy was lying curled
up in his bed, facing the nightstand. Yoshi was held tightly in his arms,
though Duo had made sure that the bear would lie on the nightstand and not the
bed before he left the room. The hell with it! It didn’t matter anymore.
Nothing mattered.
Sighing, he approached the bed
slowly and carefully sat down on the edge, looking down at Heero with a wretched
expression. He took his time in just studying the boy’s sleeping features, his
own features softening at the sight. Heero’s bronze skin looked rich and golden
under the dim orange light, his expression peaceful and his chocolate-brown
bangs sprawled carelessly over the pillow as he slept. His lips, once pale pink
and now back to their rich and rosebud color, were slightly parted as he breathed,
his steady breathing teasing a few stray hairs up and down. Yoshi lay securely
in his arms, his head pressed against Heero’s chest.
When he looked over to the nightstand,
he could see Heero’s favorite picture standing proudly, and next to it, lay a
small piece of paper and a few crayons. Looking down at the paper, Duo could
see that it was a drawing Heero had made. He vaguely remembered Heero showing
him the drawing, but he never really looked at it, and just muttered a few
hollow words, saying that it was ‘nice’. Now, he could see that it was a
picture of a snowman, a smiling one. He also had a long, snow braid. Next to
it, stood a stick figure of a boy. He too had a braid, but he wasn’t smiling.
He looked very angry. Duo’s heart clench painfully at the sight and he hurried
to look away. He sighed, took a deep breath, and slowly turned back to face the
sleeping boy. Sighing sadly, he reached down a hand and gently placed in on
Heero’s shoulder. He nudged the boy slightly.
Cobalt blue eyes slowly
fluttered open, and Heero stirred a little, sheets rustling. When he was lucid
enough, he opened his eyes fully and looked up at the one who woke him. When
cobalt met violet, a shy smile appeared on Heero’s features. The boy rubbed his
eyes, turning to lie on his back, smiling up at Duo.
“Hey.” Duo whispered, smiling
sadly at the boy. “I’m sorry to wake you.” He continued silently, reaching down
to push a few hairs out of Heero’s eyes.
The Japanese boy smiled and
closed his eyes at the tender touch, sighing pleasantly.
“I have something important
to tell you, Hee-chan.”
The blue eyes flew wide open,
fear, confusion and worry swirling within the cobalt oceans. “Wha... a... a
question?” The boy stuttered, his voice suddenly small and uncertain.
Duo sighed and shook his
head. “No. Not a question.”
“Oh.” Heero let out sadly,
bowing his head. “Something bad, right?”
Duo sighed again, closing his
eyes. He nodded.
Taking in a shaky breath,
Heero sniffled and tried to fight off the tears. He refused to lift his gaze up
from the bed, waiting for Duo to speak.
“I’m going away for a while,
Heero.”
His hold on Yoshi tightened,
his fists clenched.
“I... I have to... I... I need
some time alone...” Duo whispered, his voice heavy with tears. He lifted his
gaze, looking at Heero, violet eyes shimmering with tears. “You understand,
right Heero?”
There was no answer, though
he could hear the boy sniffle.
Duo sighed, reaching down his
hand for Heero’s. But the boy pulled away.
“But what I do wrong? Why are
you so mad all time? I do everyhing wrong? I try hard!” Heero cried, tears
flooding his eyes. “I try more hard! Please Duo-chan! I try more hard!”
“Heero,” Duo let out, not
knowing exactly how to say. “Heero, that’s not it... It’s not what you do or
don’t do...”
“Then why you want to go?”
Heero wept pathetically, wiping his tears away with his sleeve. “I can be
better!” He called, two hands flying and grabbing Duo’s arms. “Ne, Duo-chan? I
do better and you stay? Ne?” Seeing that Duo was not responding, Heero tugged desperately
at his hands. “......ne?”
Duo sighed and pulled away,
placing his handshis his lap as he turned his back to Heero. He looked up
numbly at the opposite wall, tears trailing down his cheeks.
Heero sniffled and staggered
back a little, hurt by Duo’s reaction. He brought Yoshi up to his chest,
holding him tightly as he looked at Duo with shimmeirng blue eyes. “.........ne?
Duo-chan..? ...ne?”
Taking a deep breath, Duo
bowed his head and slowly shook it from side to side. “It’s just... it’s just that
everything is so confusing right now, Heero... I... just need time, that’s all.
I just need time to think...”
Heero’s crying increased, and
he was trembling hard now. “I come with you?”
“I just need time.” Duo
repeated, ignoring Heero’s pleas, his voice sad and quiet.
“But I can do better...”
Heero whispered, tearful cobalt eyes peeking out from between messy bangs. “I
can... I can learn... I can... I know all the words Duo-chan! I promise!” He
cried, his voice turning hysteric. “I promise Duo-chan! I promise I know all the
words!” He called desperately, reaching up two hands towards Duo, grabbing the
braided boy’s hands tightly, his own arms shaking.
“Heero...” Duo whispered
sadly, looking down at the boy with pained violet eyes. “Heero, I’m sorry. But
I just...”
“I learn all the big words!”
Heero promised, his eyes pleading with Duo. “I’ll know all the big ones
Duo-chan! I learn all the big ones!”
“Heero...” Duo choked out
from between the tears. He reached up a hand and gently caressed Heero’s tender
cheek, wiping away the hot droplets of salty tears. “Heero, it’s not that... I...
I’m just a little confused right now and...”
“Why you not want me anymore?
I can know all the words, Duo-chan! I promise!” Heero cried, coming to sit up
on his knees, holding Duo’s hands and looking up at him desperately.
“Heero, I need time. I have
to get out of here. I... I have to. Please try to understand.” Duo whispered,
reaching up to pet Heero’s messy hair. “Please, Hee-chan. Please try to understand
that.”
Sniffling, Heero bowed his
head and let go of Duo’s hands. He reached back for Yoshi, dragging the small
bear over the bed and then he brought him up to lie on his lap. He looked down
sadly at the small bear, sobbing and sniffling as his fingers played with the
soft fur.
“You... you come back, right?”
He whispered, afraid of the answer, so he didn’t look up.
Duo sighed, looking down at Heero
thoughtfully. It was a long time before he could bring himself to answer. “Yes,
Heero, I’ll come back.” If only to say goodbye...
Heero sniffled, still looking
down at the bear, his fingers playing with it. “Then I... I wait for you, okay?”
He asked quietly, his voice small and miserable. “I can... I can make the food
too... I learn how...” He mumbled, his vision blurry from tears. “You teach me?”
Duo didn’t answer, and just nodded
his head ever so slightly. With a great sigh, he pushed himself off the bed and
prepared to leave. “I’ll bring you over to Fei and Sally, kay?”
On the bed, Heero merely
nodded, unable to lift his gaze up and look into those hurting violet eyes. He
guessed that the answer was a ‘no’. He got Duo-chan so mad that he didn’t want
to teach him anything anymore. He wasn’t smart enough to learn anyway.
“Goodnight.” Duo let out with
a sigh, and then walked away, closing the door behind him.
Heero remained kneeling down
on the bed, crying silently. He slowly brought Yoshi up and hugged him tightly,
tucking the small head under his chin and closing his eyes tightly. His thin
figure looked so small land so alone, seated like that on the small bed, holding
his bear as if it could make everything all right.
He threw himself down at the covers,
curling into a small ball and crying brokenly into his friend’s small body.
“Miss... misscho...
misscovoune... mischi... evou... mischievou...” He whispered between sobs and
tears, curling even more into a fetal position. “...mischievous... mischievous...
I can say it now, Duo-chan... please... I can say it now... mischievous...” He cried
over and over, his tears staining the pillow and his trembling shaking the small
bed. “Just like everybody else... Duo-chan... just like everybody else...”
Tearful cobalt eyes looked up
at the picture on the nightstand and the sobs increased. He reached up a
shaking hand and took the picture, his tearful eyes glued to the image of Duo’s
smiling face. He looked deeply into those shining violet eyes, lighted with
laughter and content. Usually he would smile back at the picture, but now it
only brought more sobs and a painful feeling in his chest.
He whimpered, curling back on
the bed, hugging the picture and Yoshi close to his chest.
“I’m sorry, Duo-chan... I’m
sorry I not like everybody else... I’m sorry...” He cried until he fell asleep,
curled on the bed, hugging the picture and his bear. “No one smile at us,
Yoshi... no one smiles...”<