The Phoenix and His Demons

I want to send a special thank you to all my reviewers, especially Ramona for the comment about the grammar. What can I say, spellcheck is a lovely thing. I\'d like to think overall my grammar is pretty good and that\'s probably why I don\'t have anyone reading my chapters before I post them, but I know there\'s got to be some mistakes in there somewhere; I\'m just glad they aren\'t glaringly horribly. I know what you mean about good stories being interrupted by bad mistakes. I can\'t count the number of times I\'ve cringed when someone\'s used \'now\' for \'know\' or the wrong form of \'there, they\'re, or their.\' Now, of course, since I\'ve stated this, there will be errors popping up everywhere just to spite me, so if anyone finds any, please let me know so I can fix them ASAP. Thank you.

Aspiker: I\'m glad you enjoyed the little pen trick, and hopefully you\'ll enjoy the gag report just as much.

Anyway, thank you again everyone and since you\'ve all asked so nicely, enjoy the next chapater. I do need to point out here that since this is a pseudo AU between the series end and movie, I\'ve taken some liberties with the timeline. I\'m not sure if the movie is set during WWI or WWII era, but I\'ve used the latter mostly because I thought it would make the story more interesting. So beware.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost Back to Normal


Somehow, Edward just wasn\'t surprised that in six years time, the food had not managed to improve one bit, but at least it was edible, sort of, and he didn\'t complain much since he was starving. So throughout his meal he ignored the cardboard flavored substances and dreamt up ways to torture his CO. He got a good deal of interesting and curious glances as many of the lower officers were so new they\'d never seen him before, so it was his identity that had them stumped. Some were just taking in the sight of the handsome young blonde who appeared to be a new transfer. The former were either ignored or met with no nonsense \'leave me the hell alone\' glares while a few of the latter were given polite, even flirtatious smiles in return. Six years ago he would\'ve been clueless as to their intent but now he was nowhere near so naive and it didn\'t hurt to give Mustang and Havoc a run for their money in the dating pool.

That was how Edward Elric ended up in such a fine moon on his way back to pester Hawkeye, rather hoping that Havoc or Fury would be about as well, but he was disappointed. \"Damn, they\'re still not in? Talk about sleeping in, it\'s already,\" he checked his watch, it wasn\'t quite eight yet. \"Never mind.\"

The blonde sharpshooter chuckled softly, \"The General wants to see you now.\"

\"What?!\" Annoyance, anger and a few other emotions flooded that single world. \"I thought you weren\'t going to tell him I was back yet?\"

\"I wasn\'t and I didn\'t. He poked his head out and caught sight of you leaving. Nothing I could do about it, Edward. I\'m sorry.\" She gave him a weak smile of apology as she wouldn\'t have minded Edward getting the drop on their \'beloved\' General.

\"Oh well, I should\'ve known the bastard would know already. He is psychic or something.\"

\"Something.\" They shared a snicker before Edward sighed and knocked on the door.

\"Come in,\" came the response from inside. Edward paused, mentally preparing himself before he stepped inside and moved to stand in front of Mustang\'s desk.

\"You wanted to see me, \'General\'?\" He asked with his own smirk in place and with sarcasm practically dripping from that last word. However, he saw his plans disintegrating in front of his eyes as he fixed his gaze on the older man. The bastard was smirking! He still looked like shit, a walking zombie, but he was bloody smirking. Things had just gotten worse.

\"Yes, Fullmetal. You know,\" he gave an off-handed gesture to accentuate his next point. \"That\'s not a regulation uniform.\" Mustang had just declared war. The younger alchemist\'s jaw dropped and his eyes practically leapt out of his skull.

\"I\'ve been gone for six years and that\'s all you have to say?! That my damned uniform isn\'t regulation? Well I got news for you, \'General Jackass,\' you\'re damned lucky I\'m in \'any\' kind of uniform and it doesn\'t \'have\' to be regulation, I still have the exemption release!\" So take that! He crossed his arms, trying to look imposing, which was not working.

\"Ah yes. That\'s another thing. You do realize I could have you court-martialed for those forgeries of yours, don\'t you?\" To further prove his point, he picked up the pen that Edward had left there carelessly. \"And then there\'s the matter of breaking and entering, and theft of items from a superior\'s desk. OH yes, and prying into classified materials.\" He had to give him credit, the blonde hadn\'t exploded yet. Yet. The old Fullmetal would\'ve been ranting and raving after the first dozen words, though he did note that his hands had dropped to clenched fists at his sides and a lovely blush of rage was staining his cheeks. Mustang placed his elbows on the desk, his fingertips touching just at his chin but not obscuring his smirk.

\"You got a lot of nerve, you old bastard. And here I was \'almost\' looking forward to seeing you again. Figures, but you know what? Go ahead and court-martial me, it\'ll be a far sight better than any stupid punishment you\'d come up with. Hell, I\'d rather face a firing squad than that, but,\" he\'d started out yelling and by now several pairs of ears were plastered to the door outside reveling in the argument, but now he was calm and smirking again, \"then you\'d have to explain to Al why you killed his brother before he got to see him.\"

That was a low blow and it succeeded in wiping the smirk right off the General\'s face. Al didn\'t get upset easily, didn\'t have much of a temper at all really, but then that\'s what made him so damn scary. No one wanted to mess with a pissed off Al, no one. Inwardly, Roy had to admit he was impressed, Edward had gotten much better at this game but the old dog still had a few tricks up his sleeve.

\"Very well, Fullmetal, I\'ll let your indiscretions slide this time. Would be a waste of good ammunition anyway. They\'d have to be able to see you to shoot you.\" That earned him the growl he wanted.

\"Who the hell are you calling a stunted bean sprout?!\" And now the score was tied, the betting outside was getting heated.

\"Well, I see some things never change, or grow for that matter.\"

\"Enough with the short jokes you son of a bitch. And I have too grown, thank you very much. Not my fault you\'re too \'blind\' to see it.\" At that point, the door was quickly vacated for fear of an explosion. Thankfully, it never came.

\"It\'s not hard to miss something so small, I\'m sure even Hawkeye would have difficulties with such a miniscule target.\"

That earned him another growl and a mental tally. \"Did you want something in particular or did you just call me in here so you could run your mouth off and avoid doing your paperwork again?\"

\"Actually, I did want something. Your report on my desk first thing tomorrow morning.\"

\"Say what?!\" Roy three, Edward two according to the crowd outside. \"That\'s six years of shit to write about. Did whatever take out your eye damage your brain as well?\"

\"Certainly not and I have faith in your abilities. First thing tomorrow morning. After all, your brother isn\'t due back for a few days and other than lavatory duty, you\'ve nothing else to do.\"

\"You\'re completely insane. There\'s no way I can...\" That\'s when he paused and the words Mustang had rattled off sank in earning the arrogant bastard a vicious snarl. Another point for Roy. \"What the hell do you mean \'lavatory duty\'?!\"

\"Ah, did I fail to mention that? One week you can scrub the lavatories on this floor as punishment for your actions. And absolutely no alchemy allowed. Do I make myself clear, Fullmetal?\"

He wanted to kill him, absolutely kill him in many horrible, painful ways but at this point if he could do anything to save some measure of dignity, it was to control his temper and leave before it got worse. \"Fine. Will there be anything else, \'Sir\'?\" The venom in his voice at that word would\'ve killed a herd of elephants. \"Or am I dismissed?\"

Satisfied that he had indeed won this round, he\'d be smirking for weeks just from this one encounter. He had definitely missed Fullmetal and these arguments of theirs. \"You\'re dismissed.\" No sooner had he uttered the words was the blonde storming out the door, slamming it hard enough that the walls shook in his wake. Outside, the whole gang stood staring and trying not to laugh. For with the look on Edward\'s face, laughing or even cracking a smile was a guaranteed death sentence.

\"What the hell are you all looking at?!\" He scowled as he stormed out, he\'d be friendly to them later, and right now he was just too damned mad. That bastard had gotten him again. Six years of practice and playing this out in his head and the damned ass had beaten him yet again. This was beyond war, he didn\'t know what it was but it was more than war.

\"All right boys, pay up.\" Hawkeye sat smirking as she held out her hand waiting for the rest of them to cough up the cash. They should\'ve known better to bet on Edward when it came to dealing with the General, she was convinced that try as the boy might he was just never going to win. That\'s okay though, it kept them all entertained and amazingly no one was upset at losing. It meant that all was right in the world and that things would be back to normal, which was something worth paying any price for.

Edward was given a wide berth as he stormed through the building and back to the dorms, cursing and muttering all the way. \"Damn stupid bastard. Wants a report, does he? Well I\'ll give him a report he\'ll never forget.\" Once more came that mischievous smirk as he opened the door. He\'d just had a brilliant idea and while he\'d be stuck in that room writing for the rest of the night, probably skipping lunch and dinner and sleep, it would be worth it to turn in the report he was going to.

Two in the morning came around and he finally closed the top folder of the second report. Not only was his hand killing him, he swore it was going to fall off and it was the automail one! Now that was sad. He\'d written the original that he planned on turning in first and then when Mustang threw a fit, he\'d give him the real one. Sleep came quickly, before he even remembered to set an alarm to wake him up, thus it was no surprise that someone was banging on the door at nine in the morning and he was still sound asleep in his uniform. \"Ugh, g\'way.\" Grudgingly he pulled himself from the bed and trudged over to the door, opening it to find Havoc snickering at him.

\"Sorry to wake you sir, but I was sent to get you. General\'s been bitching about that report you were supposed to turn in an hour ago.\"

\"Yeah, he would. Fine, tell him I\'ll be there in fifteen minutes, with report in hand.\" He managed a weak smile. \"By the way, nice to see you too Havoc.\"

\"Definitely. We missed you, short stuff.\" He hoped Edward was too tired to blow up on him and gave a wink to tell the youth he was just teasing, not maliciously.

\"You\'re lucky it\'s not you I want to kill or you\'d be transmuted into a slug or something.\" Havoc laughed and pulled the blonde into a brief hug.

\"Yeah I know, but hell, I gotta take my shots when I can get them you know? Welcome back though.\"

\"Thanks. See you in a few.\" He closed the door, and then set about grabbing a quick shower and changing into a non rumpled uniform. Well, at least he looked alive now, that was better than nothing. When he got to the office, he gave a weak wave to the gathered group, muttering a greeting before walking into the office. No knock, he just walked in, tossed the first report on his desk and then flopped down on the couch. Great, the jerk looked like he\'d actually gotten sleep and was no longer a walking zombie. That was just going to make it worse for him.

\"Haven\'t you ever heard of knocking, Fullmetal?\" Wasn\'t wasting anytime now was he?

\"Oh shut up and read your stupid report already.\" He wasn\'t in the mood for a fight; he just wanted to curl up on the couch and sleep. No, scratch that, he wanted to go find something to eat then he wanted to curl up somewhere \'far far away\' from that bastard and sleep.

Mustang chuckled as he flipped through the report. He\'d made the mistake of thinking he could sip his coffee while he read it and ended up spitting out a good deal of it over the papers to avoid choking. \"Fullmetal. What exactly do you think this is?\"

\"The report you asked for.\" He was curled up on the couch facing away from the General, but it wasn\'t hard to hear the smirk in his voice.

\"Fullmetal. I\'m not amused.\"

\"You asked for a report, so I gave you one. Deal with it.\"

\"There is no way in any hell that this is the truth.\"

\"You never said it had to be the truth, you just asked for a report so that\'s the best I could do on short notice.\"

He glared at him, just glared. He\'d gotten some insane reports from the blonde before but this was just ludicrous. Before the handwriting had been sloppy, the spelling and grammar atrocious and there were always cartoons and scribbles in the margins, usually insulting him. This time, the report was crisp, clean and well written without all the extra doodles but, it was beyond unbelievable. During his years away someone had obviously finally given him lessons on writing, which was a bonus since he no longer had to struggle through reading it trying to decipher a code that wasn\'t a code and had no rhyme or reason to it. The gist of the report stated that Edward Elric, after the fight in the underground city had not died but had fallen through into the sewer systems and while miraculously not drowning had been washed through the system until he was rescued by a dairy farmer. Said farmer took him home, cared for him and nursed him back to health only to discover that when Edward woke up several weeks later he had a bad case of amnesia. From that point on it went on in ramble after ramble about Edward spending his years living on the farm and helping out with the cows and milking. To add to the oddness, it also claimed that he had been engaged to the farmer\'s daughter but the night before their wedding he\'d suddenly regained his memory and had bolted off being chased by a shotgun wielding farmer who was a might bit upset. And so, here he was. Now, anyone that knew anything about Edward Elric knew damn well the young man detested milk with a passion that could rival a madman\'s lust for power. He refused to drink the stuff, threw tantrums about it that would impress a two year old and sulked for weeks on end when he was forced to drink it. There was no way that he could believe what he was reading.

\"Very cute, Fullmetal and very entertaining, but you realize that I know this is complete nonsense. You\'re going to have to do it again.\" He tossed the file down on his desk, figuring he\'d keep it anyway depending on what the \'real\' report read. He might just turn this one in as official after all.

\"Yeah, I kinda figured you\'d say that.\" You couldn\'t wipe the smirk off his face with an automail blade as he rolled over and produced the second report which was three times as thick and slapped it on his desk. Then he went back to his cat nap.

That was no small surprise. Had Fullmetal stayed up all night doing this? He\'d never intended to push him that hard, damn, now he was going to have to do something to make it up to him without him realizing it of course. Guilt was an evil evil emotion. Maybe he\'d just cancel his punishment, for all that work it would be worth it, but then the mere thought of Fullmetal having to scrub toilets without using alchemy was damned amusing. It\'d be something he\'d have to ponder. Now back to the report. He\'d only gotten a few pages into it when he noticed the figure on his couch was once again sound asleep, a testament to just how hard he\'d worked after all it would seem. The report itself was nothing short of amazing in a dark, morbid and twisted way. It was written with a cold overtone, quite detached but detailed horrors that made even the seasoned veteran cringe. Edward told of going to another world, running different versions of people he knew well and yet they weren\'t the same. The other side of the gate was a curiosity indeed. This place didn\'t have alchemy, but it had some amazing technology, at least as far as their world was concerned. Flying machines, weapons, and something Edward called television which he described as a series of pictures flashed so quickly that they seemed to be moving, like watching something that was happened but you looked at a giant white screen the pictures were shown on and you could see events going on hundreds and hundreds of miles away. (A/N: I\'m not sure if the FMA movie for our world is set in WWI or WWII but I\'m using WWII and Nazi Germany simply because I think it would make for a much more interesting story. Like I said in the prologue, this is a pseudo AU once it comes to the movie since I\'ve not seen it, and the details I\'ve gotten on it are sketchy.)

There was something else that amazed Roy, the sheer size of this world. Edward talked of hundreds of thousands of people, even millions and billions occupying this world. That was significantly larger than the population of their world. It was simply mind blowing. He described a place called Germany, soldiers called Nazis and their war that spread across a large area he called Europe. What shook Roy the most was the descriptions of the Religious war that the boy had witnessed. Millions of people sent to their deaths in the concentration camps by various methods. Edward went into great detail to describe the gas houses, the mass graves, the crematoriums and piles and piles of bodies that looked like nothing more than skeletons with skin stretched over them. He visibly shuddered when it was described how some of these piles of bodies were thought to be dead victims and yet when some of the soldiers looked closely, they\'d blink their eyes. Then the worst part came, the smell. He described the unmistakable smell of burning flesh that had hung in the air near some of these places. Roy knew that smell well, he\'d killed people with fire, had been just inches and feet away and knew intimately what burning flesh smelled like. That part made him sick and he just managed to make it out of his chair and quickly, but casually down the hall to the restroom before he ended up on his knees, nausea wracking his body. He was definitely going to have to do something to make it up to Edward after that. He had no idea Fullmetal had seen such things; he\'d not given any indication. Then again, when did Roy ever let down his mask and show his guilt over the past and the horrors he\'d seen?

He cleaned himself up and returned to the office to find Edward sitting up, waiting for him. It was almost noon and he\'d not noticed he\'d been that absorbed in his reading.

\"Satisfied, General?\" The blonde\'s voice was calm, detached and that worried him.

\"Yes, Fullmetal. Very much so.\" For the first time in what seemed like forever, he appeared shaken, and the usually snide and witty Mustang was at a loss for words. \"I don\'t know what to say or even think about that, but I\'m sorry. You can forget what I said yesterday about punishment. Is there anything else you need?\" It was painfully obvious he was trying to get rid of him; he just couldn\'t face the younger alchemist after that, not until he could compose himself properly.

\"No, not a damn thing.\" With that, he left in search of food and a long nap. His report hadn\'t worked quite as he\'d planned, but it was a small enough victory. Maybe not, Mustang would stop treating him like such a child. While he loved their arguments to a point, he did not want things to go back to exactly the way they were. After all he\'d grown up, physically and emotionally and that\'s how he wanted to be treated. Well, for the most part.