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Picture Windows	By : Maureen Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Picture Windows
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 4
- 5
- 6
Picture Windows 5

The
day had turned dreary by time the Quatre awoke Trowa again; a fine drizzle
filled the air. After expressing disappointment at not being able to take Trowa
out to show off the town, Quatre insisted they play another duet. Trowa was more
than willing to do whatever Quatre suggested. Sometimes they followed sheet
music, but mostly Quatre improvised and Trowa matched him seamlessly - somehow
knowing each forthcoming note before it sounded from the violin. They continued
in this leisurely fashion with the girls as their audience until it was time to
eat. Joseph joined them again for lunch, and Trowa assumed that this was more or
less a daily occurrence.

After their meal was finished and
goodbyes said to Joseph, the small group gathered in Quatre�s Tower once more.
Iria reached for the book to resume reading, and Quatre seated himself and Trowa
in the same chair they had occupied the day before. Phoebe took up her sewing
and everyone but Iria fell silent for a few minutes. Suddenly, Phoebe declared,
�I simply cannot stand it any longer!� She rose and walked over to the chair
where the boys were nestled together. For one heart stopping moment, Trowa
thought she would wrench Quatre from under his arm, but instead she took his
bangs between her fingers. �Now hold still, this will only take a moment!�
And at that, she flashed out with a pair of scissors Trowa had not noticed and
cut a good three inches from his hair. The remainder fell back to brush the very
tip of his nose. With a few more quick snips, she cleaned up the surrounding
ends.

�Phoebe!� Quatre was too
shocked and horrified to gasp out more than this.

�Hush, Quatre! His eyes are still
covered � Trowa maintains his mysteriously handsome roguishness, but now at
least I can tell when he smiles and when he frowns! All that hair was much too
disconcerting.� She smiled at Trowa, �Tell my brother that you do not
mind!�

�It�s a little late if I
did�� Trowa fingered his shortened hair uncertainly � he felt unreasonably
exposed.

�May I see?� Quatre�s fine
hands turned his face and he looked intently at Trowa from several angles before
smiling, �Even more beautiful than before � although I do apologize for my
sister�s less than delicate approach.

Beautiful? Trowa wondered to
himself, and replied, �Since you put it that way, I don�t mind a bit.� And
with the matter settled, the reading continued until it was time for the evening
meal.

After dinner, the women retired to
their own rooms for the night and Quatre offered Trowa a tour of the rest of the
house, which he refused, �Why don�t we wait for another rainy day? I have
the feeling it�ll take at least one day to explore this house, if not more.�

�We could play cards, or chess�
� Quatre began.

�You don�t have to constantly
entertain me � I�m happy just to be with you. What would you like to do?�
Quatre had taken Trowa�s hand as they walked back to his rooms. Their fingers
twined naturally together, and Trowa wondered once again what exactly he was to
assume from the contact. The early morning kisses had been sweet, but also very
innocent and Trowa was not sure that they had the same significance to Quatre.
He sensed that Quatre had been terribly lonely for a long time � even
surrounded by sisters and friends, there was something important missing from
his life. Could Trowa be the one to fill that vacancy?

�I have some correspondence I
should see to this evening. Do you think you might find something among my books
to amuse yourself with for a time?� Trowa agreed. He decided to read the
mystery that Quatre and his sisters had already started, and prepared to settle
himself in a fireside chair. �No, wait! We could sit together, if you
please,� Quatre said as he gathered a small lap desk and his writing supplies.
After a few minutes shuffling, they finally ended up back to back on the couch,
the quiet scratching of Quatre�s pen the only intrusion on the comfortable
silence between them.

Trowa had almost reached the
bookmark holding the others� place when Quatre leaned bonelessly against him
and yawned, �If I write any more tonight my eyes will shrivel up, and my
fingers will drop off! Do you want to keep reading, or retire as well?�

�Bed sounds like a good idea.�
Trowa was already anticipating the feel of Quatre wrapped in his arms.

�Oh dear, I almost forgot again
� I had a room prepared for you, above my own. Let me take you up there and
get you settled�� Quatre lit a small candle in a holder and led Trowa up,
past the second floor landing, and to the top of the stairs. �Here we are,�
he said as he swung the door open to reveal a much shorter, sparser room than
the two below. �It hasn�t many furnishings yet, but the bed should be quite
comfortable.�

�Not as comfortable as
yours�� Trowa was surprised to hear himself say aloud.

�Oh, if you prefer, you may of
course have my room� it was truly terribly ungracious of me to offer you
something so plain.�

�No,� Trowa tried to soothe the
pained look from Quatre�s face. �I shouldn�t have said that � the room
is fine, really. I�ll just miss sleeping next to you � I don�t want your
bed without you in it.�

Of all possible reactions to this
statement, Trowa least expected the relieved one he received. �Good! As
strange as it may sound, I am not sure that I would have been able to sleep
without you � but I did not wish to impose.�

�If you consider that an
imposition, feel free to ask me for favors�� Trowa laughed as they descended
back to Quatre�s room.

After they had taken off everything
but their undergarments and burrowed deep under the many layers of covers,
Quatre turned towards Trowa and whispered, �I have a favor to ask of you
now� will you kiss me again?�

Trowa moved over him instead of
answering, and slowly lowered his face until their lips barely brushed. He
pulled back slightly and then pressed forward with renewed pressure. When he
attempted to pull back again, Quatre�s arms encircled his neck and held him in
place for several long moments, their closed lips caressing each other in the
firelight�s dim glow. Eventually Quatre loosened his grasp and Trowa lifted
his head to look down at the blonde�s faintly flushed face. His eyes were
heavily lidded and his mouth now slightly open � and Trowa was tempted to run
his tongue along the gap. He restrained himself and let the moment slide past,
knowing he had made the right decision when Quatre sleepily muttered his
goodnight, and curled trustingly on his side under Trowa�s arm.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hours or perhaps only minutes later,
Trowa awoke to a violently shaking bed and a rapidly cooling spot by his side.
Quatre was on the very edge of the bed, shivering uncontrollably and crying out
in his sleep. Trowa immediately pulled the smaller boy tightly against his chest
and began to murmur comforting nothings in his ear. Quatre�s skin was almost
frigid to the touch, despite the many blankets covering them, and his teeth
chattered convulsively. �What�s wrong?� Trowa asked as he smoothed the
sweat dampened locks back from Quatre�s clammy forehead.

At first there was no answer, but
when Trowa repeated the question he could make out the faint exhalations of
�cold� so cold,� between the shuddering sobs racking the suddenly
frail-seeming body in his arms. Trowa rocked back and forth in an attempt to
calm him, and thought he had succeeded when Quatre sat rigidly up and uttered
the heartrending cry, �NO!� The echoes of the scream had barely faded from
the room when Quatre drew up his knees and began weeping into them in earnest.
�Oh God, please no� why�� Trowa rose to his knees to embrace him, but
Quatre pulled away. �I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to wake you�� he
sniffled as he slid to the edge of the bed, �I shall leave � I have no wish
to disturb you any further.�

�Stop � lay back down. Tell me
your nightmare if you want � but don�t run away from me.�

�No, I should be alone. I likely
will get no further sleep tonight and will only keep you from your rest.�
Quatre did not turn as he spoke, his voice heavy with the remnants of terror and
sorrow.

�You shouldn�t be alone. I
won�t let you be alone. Now come here!� Trowa hoped that the commanding tone
of his voice would override the bits of the nightmare still coloring Quatre�s
perceptions. When he was not obeyed, Trowa slipped out of bed and knelt down in
front of Quatre, �I won�t let you be alone.� He repeated, ducking his head
in an attempt to catch Quatre�s downcast eyes, �Listen to me � I am for
you � do you understand? I am here for you and you alone. I will catch you
when you fall, hold you when you cry, and kiss you when you ask. I am for
you.� His words began to bridge the distance between them, and Quatre�s body
lost some of its rigidity.

Quatre snuffled again and slowly
met his eyes. �For me? I�ve never� No one has ever� I � I never even
dared to hope that someone would say something like that to me. I don�t
understand� � He continued in a quiet voice, �Many people have cared for
me, but��

�This is different,� Trowa
finished for him, �I am only for you.� He picked Quatre up and moved him
back to the middle of the bed, wrapping around to warm him and calm the
lingering tremors. They remained like this for several long minutes, and Trowa
was slowly succumbing to exhaustion when Quatre surged up and kissed him, hard.
Trowa felt a strong undercurrent of desperation in the contact, and reluctantly
pulled away.

�More,� Quatre breathed
raggedly as he attempted to close the distance between them. �Please, isn�t
there more?�

�Yes, there�s much more� but
not for you, not tonight.� Trowa words held a nobler conviction than his body
felt; Quatre was almost writhing against him. �I don�t want to hurt you, and
I don�t want you to regret� stop!� He held Quatre at arms length so he
could speak coherently, �Try and understand��

�How could you hurt me? You said
you cared for me�� Quatre struggled to move closer to Trowa.

�And that�s why I�m telling
you �no�. Right now you don�t know what you want, and I refuse to take
advantage of you.� Trowa was quickly losing the argument with himself, his own
body insisting that he answer Quatre�s. He took a deep breath and continued,
�Do you even know what you�re asking for?�

�I want you to touch me � when you kissed me before, I felt alive. I need to
feel that again. Please��

That gentle entreaty was almost his
undoing, but still, Trowa knew it would be wrong. �Quatre, I want to make love
to you � so badly it hurts � but to do this now wouldn�t be fair to you.
Do you even know how men make love?�

�No,
but you can teach me - I would gladly do anything you say.� Quatre looked
startled when Trowa groaned in response to this na�ve statement. �Have I
offended you in some way?�

�I�m
not mad, but you�re making it very hard to be gentlemanly� Quatre, just lay
here and let me hold you. I�ll keep the bad dreams away � let that be enough
for tonight.� Trowa pleaded from the very edge of his sanity.

Quatre
gradually yielded and slipped into Trowa�s embrace. He tenderly stroked the
blonde�s tensed shoulders until both of them were once again claimed by sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~

Trowa
struggled to open his eyes, and even when he was sure he had succeeded, all he
could see was a blinding whiteness. He tried to turn his head, but found his
body was not under his control. Steadily, the static crackle in his ears became
clear voices.

�Do
you think he�ll ever wake up, Anne?� A woman�s voice honeyed with pain
asked.

Trowa
felt a firm hand on his unresponsive forearm. �I don�t know Cathy, the
doctors are being pretty vague. Physically he�s ok, but he took a pretty good
blow to the head.� The first woman began to cry softly. �He�s strong,
I�m sure he�ll come out of it just fine��

�It�s
not fair! Why do I have to lose him, too?� The intensity of the sobs
increased, and the hand left Trowa�s arm. �No! Don�t try and comfort me
and say everything�s going to be ok, it never is! It�s exactly like when Mom
and Dad�� Her voice and tears were muffled for a time, and then she went on
in a broken whisper, �I just knew, when the phone rang� I knew.� Anger
strengthened her voice. �Why did he do it? Doesn�t he ever think about
anyone but himself?�

�Cathy,
you should be proud of what he did��

�How
could he leave me all alone?� A hand clenched his with frantic strength even
as the voices began to fade away. The sensation of the hand began to weaken as
well and Trowa grasped at it.

�Where
are you going?� He asked groggily upon opening his eyes to find himself
clinging to Quatre�s hand.

�The
sun is rising, and I felt it wrong to wake you for it after so disturbing your
rest last night.� Quatre answered meekly. �And you seemed to be dreaming�
I thought perhaps you might remember something in your dream.�

�I
was, and I think I did, but it�s gone now.� Trowa released Quatre�s hand
and sat up. �And I�ll always watch the sunrise with you.� The shy smile on
Quatre�s face was well worth the missed sleep. As they entered the window
seat, the blonde attempt to arrange them as he had the morning before, but Trowa
stopped him. �No, like this,� and he sat cross-legged, drawing Quatre in to
his lap and wrapping the quilt around them both; the contented glow warming his
chest far surpassing the light of the new day�s sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

�What
shall we do today, Trowa? We could ride into town, or we could tour the
house�� Quatre inquired after breakfast.

�Quatre!
You will do nothing of the sort, I saw that pile of contracts waiting to be
reviewed on your desk!� Quatre started to protest but Phoebe swiftly cut him
off. �No, no �but Phoebe�s!� You and I both know full well that you have
been neglecting your obligations in your concern over Trowa. But he has
recovered, and I am most certain that he will be able to endure being deprived
of your company for a few hours. And,� she took Trowa�s arm, �He may
accompany me into town, I need to stop by Joseph�s store. There is a package
waiting from Father, the two of them can load it on the buggy. We can open it
later after you finish your work.�

Quatre
reluctantly agreed to the plan, and within a matter of minutes Trowa and Phoebe
were on their way down the hill. Phoebe quietly and competently drove the buggy,
but instead of turning towards the town, she started up a smaller neighboring
hill. As they reached the summit, it became apparent that this was the town�s
cemetery, for fanciful stones carved in the shapes of mourning angels, twisted
tree trunks, and recumbent lambs dotted the landscape. �Would you mind
terribly if we talked here for a time?� she asked after she had parked.

�No,
but why here?� Down below and to the left, Trowa could see a small town,
people almost indiscriminate dots against the backdrop of buildings. The Winner
house loomed over their shoulders to the right.

�Sometimes
I feel more at home among the dead than the living.� Phoebe silently
contemplated their surroundings for a moment and then spoke. �Have you noticed
I dress in mourning?�

�No��
Trowa glanced over the dress she wore, black with full skirt and sleeves and
only the tiniest bit of white lace around her collar, fastened with a delicately
carved cameo. It occurred to him that he had only seen her in black, but never
considered that there might be a reason for it. �Are you widowed?�

�Not
in the conventional sense. May I tell you a story, Trowa?� Phoebe waited for
his nod of assent and then continued. �I went away to school a few years ago,
to Mount Holyoke. And there I met the love of my life. Her name was Annabelle
Lee�� She paused in anticipation of Trowa�s reaction, and when he merely
shrugged she smiled slightly and resumed. �She and I were both strangers to
the novelty of love, and most unprepared to experience it with another woman. I
will spare you all the details, but it was a long first year between us � both
of us unsure of the depth of the other�s feelings and unwilling to compromise
a valued friendship� But eventually, we overcame our fears and trepidations
and became lovers. I cannot describe to you the feelings we shared, or what it
felt like to hold that glorious creature in my arms� to say we were very happy
together does the extent of our ecstasy an injustice.�

Phoebe
fell silent for a few wistful moments, and Trowa�s heart ached in sympathy at
the gentle melancholy of her tale. �However, I was a fool � I have always
been a faithful keeper of journals, and I did not omit the details of our
relationship from this endeavor. Of course, as I should have known might happen,
a particularly detailed volume of my diary fell into the less than supportive
hands of one of my elder sisters� she immediately took the evidence of my
�illness� to my father.� Her voice thickened, and Trowa placed a steadying
hand over her slightly trembling one. �I was withdrawn from school with no
little haste and strictly forbidden to ever speak or hear from her again� She
tried to write several times, but Father had the letters withheld, for over a
year. The letter he finally let me have was the one in which she informed me of
her marriage. Within six months, she died from complications of her first
pregnancy.� They both shivered, and only partially due to the sudden chill in
the wind.

Phoebe
exhaled heavily, and Trowa could almost feel her folding the memories and
storing them carefully away. �Do you wonder why I chose to share this with
you?�

�Because
you know I feel � something more than friendship towards your brother, and you
want me to know it doesn�t disgust you.�

�My
approval is the least of your worries. Trowa, I want you to learn from my
mistakes. Annabelle and I spoke often about moving to Europe and escaping the
censure of our families� but like too many lovers, we restricted our plans to
gentle dreaming and far off eventualities.� Phoebe�s dark blue eyes flashed
into his, fiery with conviction, �Do not linger here too long � Quatre�s
life may not depend upon it, but his soul surely does. Even after these few
short days, clearly you can see that this life will eat at him until he remains
hollow and dead on the inside.�

�Phoebe,
why do you assume he returns my feelings?�

�Trowa,
do you honestly think that my brother crawls in lap of every male visitor like
an untrained puppy? He is quite plainly infatuated with you. Quatre is
unsophisticated in such matters, to be sure � I am quite certain he has no
knowledge of the mechanics involved, but you will, I trust, be understanding
with him in this regard.� She brushed the hair away from his eyes. �Why do
you look so distressed?�

�He
confuses me,� Trowa finally admitted, unable to deflect her piercing gaze.

Phoebe
responded with a rich chuckle. �And I am positive you confuse him as well,
Trowa. It seems to be an inherent part of love.�

�Can
I ask you something? About Quatre?� At her positive reply, he asked, �What
happened to him? He had a very bad nightmare last night, and he seems to shut
down at the oddest moments� I thought you said no one had hurt him before.�

�He
still has the dreams? He has learned to hide it well�� Phoebe bowed her head
for a moment and then looked off into the distance with unfocused eyes. �Last
winter, a bit after Christmas when many of our sisters and their families were
still here, there was an ice-skating party for the whole town.� She pointed to
a lake shimmering at the far end of the village. �Jenkins pond, there. One of
our nephews fell through the ice and drowned. Quatre went in to try and save
him� and he has held himself harshly accountable for the failure ever since.
We came very close to losing Quatre as well.� She turned to Trowa and he could
see the tears building up along her lash line, �He has been more alive in your
presence these past few days� You are good for him, Trowa. Promise me you will
take care of him.�

�He�s
more important to me than my own life.�

�Yes,
you�ve already more than proven yourself in that regard.� Phoebe picked up
the reins and clucked the horses from their drowse. Joseph was waiting for them
at the store, and after helping Trowa load the large crate into the buggy, he
accompanied them back on his own horse for lunch.

After
the meal and Joseph�s departure, Trowa gathered with the siblings in a parlor
he had not been in before. The crate was on the floor and Rashid was working
steadily to open it. �Father sends one of these home every few months when he
is abroad � he travels to the strangest places and finds the most wondrous
things.� Quatre�s eyes sparkled with excitement as the box was finally
opened. A packet of letters sat on the very top of the packing material, but
Phoebe snatched it away, deeming it best to save them for �later.�

It
was like an early Christmas; all manner of magnificent items flowed in an
endless stream from the crate. �Where is Father this time?� Iria stood with
a small statue in each hand, one depicting a fat man with an elephant�s head,
and the other of a many-armed woman

�India,
I believe � whatever are those things? Do read the label Iria!� Quatre
pulled a large bundle of multicolored silks from the depth of the box.

�The
elephant man is �Ganesha� � the Remover of all obstacles. And this
frightfully underdressed woman is �Kali� the Destroyer.� She set them on
an unoccupied tabletop. �What treasures have you found, Quatre?�

�The
note says that these are �saris,� the native dress of the Indian women.�
He unfolded several of the lengths of cloth, and the women fingered the silk
with evident relish. Every color of the rainbow spilled across Quatre�s lap,
several of the pieces shot through with silver and golden threads. He picked up
a deep green piece and draped it around Trowa�s shoulders. �You should have
this one, it matches your eyes.�

Trowa
picked up a stunning cerulean sari edged in silver and similarly swathed Quatre.
�You look like foreign princes!� Iria clapped her hands in delight. The
contents of the crate rapidly dwindled after that, yielding a few more strange
pieces of statuary, a sweet smelling package of incense that Rashid
appropriated, another bale of saris, and a small carved wood case filled with
brilliant silk thread for Phoebe. �Read the letter, now, if you please.�
Iria, covered in saris, settled into a chair and indicated the packet that
Phoebe had previously laid aside.

�You
do it, Iria. Your voice is much clearer than mine, and I have no genuine desire
to know what Father has to say.� Phoebe passed the letters to her younger
sister, and sat back to absently sort through her thread.

�Hmm,
one for Rashid, a few for business partners,� Iria sorted through the pile.
�Ah, here it is: one for the �Winner children!�� She quickly opened it
and began to read.

My
dearest children,

I
hope that my letter will find you all in good health. Phoebe, please distribute
these latest artifacts throughout the house with your usual flair; I sincerely
hope that you will find a use for my humble gift to you. When I return for
Iria�s wedding this spring, we will once again broach the subject of finding
you a suitable husband.

My
dearest Iria! Have you driven your Joseph mad yet with prattle about your
upcoming nuptials? Do try and remember that a man must have time for his
business and cannot always capitulate to the whims of women.

India
is a mysterious and beautiful county � and rich with resources, as well. I
have explored some of its deeper jungles, on an elephant�s back, no less. Much
different than riding a horse, I assure you. I have sent you several
representations of their heathen gods � bizarre but beautifully worked. The
weather here is hot and moist, and I will be glad to leave it and be on my way
to China. Yes, Quatre, I still have the list of books you wanted me to procure
� I shall hold to my vow and hand it to the first Chinaman I see and send them
back to you. Why you wish to bother with such frivolities, I shall never know.
But never let it be said that I failed to indulge my son.

However,
the time has come for you to leave behind the past-times of childhood and take
on the full mantle of your adult responsibilities. To this end, after Iria has
been married, you and I will spend the summer on our northern property. I wish
to start a lumber mill and begin harvesting all the white pine forests I
purchased so many years ago. This will be the perfect opportunity for you to
learn the way in which a business grows. And, when we return home in the Fall,
you will take Relena Darlian for your wife. I have already approached her father
about the matter; all that is left is for you to ask the girl. See that you do
by Christmastime at the latest; women need time to plan for these events.

Your
loving Father,

Ibrahim
Winner

The
room was eerily silent for a few heartbeats, and then Quatre slowly pulled away
the silks and stood. �If you will kindly excuse me, I find that I no longer
feel well.� He ran from the room without waiting for comment.

�Trowa,
go after him.� Phoebe instructed. Trowa needed no encouragement; the hollow
look on Quatre�s face was one that he would do anything to erase.
He was nearly winded by the time he reached the Tower, pausing for a
brief moment to ascertain that Quatre was not on the ground floor before dashing
up the stairs to his bedroom.

The
door stood open, but Quatre was not in sight. After he caught his breath, Trowa
became aware of a muffled sniffling from the western window seat. �Quatre?�
There was no reply. �Quatre, please, can we talk?�

�No,
you should not see me like this�� Trowa crossed the room and pulled aside
the curtain to reveal Quatre huddled against the wall, his head buried in his
drawn up knees. �Please do go away and let me have my tantrum.�

Trowa
sat down next to him and sifted his fingers through Quatre�s hair. �You have
every right to be upset, having your whole life planned out like that.�

This
assurance freed a fresh onslaught of sobs. �I am acting sp-spoiled and
ah-avoiding my responsibilities.�

Trowa
moved his hand down to gently knead Quatre�s tensed neck. �You�re not even
being allowed to decide what your responsibilities are � do you even want to
run a lumber business, or any other for that matter?�

Quatre
turned his head to look up at Trowa, �No. And before you ask, I do not care to
marry Relena, either. I shall be next to useless as any woman�s husband.� He
sat back and scrubbed at his eyes, �But what choice do I have?�

�You
could choose me.� Trowa carefully scanned Quatre face for a reaction to the
suggestion, and was more than a little hurt by the look of confused wariness
that passed over it.

�What
are you saying?�

�I thought you understood last
night � did you think I was lying? Quatre, I meant everything I said � I am
yours. I love you.� Quatre tried to turn away, but Trowa pinned him to the
wall by his shoulders. �I only want to stay by your side. If you want to spend
the rest of your life here, trapped in an unhappy marriage and heading
businesses that you never wanted to run, I�ll stay with you. I�ll watch you
change into a bitter and hard man and hate every minute of it, but I�ll stay.
There�s another option, though � we could leave here, just you and I. We
could be happy together. No, don�t look away from me!� Trowa pushed him back
against the wall with more force than he intended, and Quatre�s head thumped
against it with a dull thud. �You have to decide! Do you want to remain a
little boy, lost in your father�s shadow for the rest of your life, or do you
want to take a chance and become your own man?�

�It�s easy for you to speak of
simply leaving � with no memory one place is as good as any other to you!�
Quatre cried as he struggled to loosen Trowa�s pinching hold. �Everything I
have ever known, everyone I have ever known is here� �

Trowa released him and sat back in defeat, �You�re right, of course. It was
stupid of me to assume you felt the same.� He retreated to a chair by the fire
and buried his face in his hands. He was hollow, empty; and whispers of
self-recrimination echoed mockingly inside.

�Trowa�� Quatre followed and
sank to his knees in front of the chair. �Please look at me� I did not mean
to hurt you.� Trowa refused to look; he did not want to see the contrition he
could hear in Quatre�s words. �Please� try and look at things from my
perspective � I�ve only just met you� and you� you are too perfect. I am
not sure I can trust�� Slim hands pulled at Trowa�s, trying to uncover his
face, and failing that ran through his hair. �I cannot trust myself, my heart
� it�s all too sudden. None of this seems real.� His voice cracked. �You
are everything I have ever wanted, everything I have ever dreamed of � you say
all the things I have always wanted to hear� how can you even be real? Who are
you, Trowa? What are you? Why do I feel so confused?�

�Because you�re afraid, Quatre.
And obviously not ready � � Trowa studied him briefly before continuing in a
tight voice, �And you don�t love me.�

�Trowa, I��

�No, Quatre, don�t say things
you don�t mean, or aren�t sure of� this isn�t something to be decided in
an instant. It was unfair of me to even ask you�� He rose from the chair and
stepped around the slumped boy. �I�ll leave you to your thoughts, for a
bit.� And hardening his heart to Quatre�s protests and apologies, he climbed
the narrow stairs and shut himself in the room above.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*

Trowa sat, leaned back against the
headboard, for the rest of the afternoon, desperately trying not to think.
Occasionally, a frantic message from his subconscious would bubble up �
What will I do if he sends me away and his conscious mind would counter � What
will happen to him, if he sends me away? Trowa knew that he would
survive, even though unhappily, but if left alone, Quatre would surely suffocate
in his pre-made life. The room had darkened considerably when he heard a quiet
knocking on the door, �Quatre!� he cried out in short-lived relief as he
threw it open to reveal Phoebe, dinner tray in hand.

�He was positive you would not
let him in, so he sent me. Are you angry with him?� She set the food down on
the trunk at the end of the bed and perched carefully next to it.

�No, I�m mad at myself� I
pushed him, Phoebe. And scared him.� He leaned against the wall opposite her,
arms crossed and head down. �And you might as well take the food away, I�m
not going to eat it.�

�You two are cut from the same
cloth,� she laughed at him, not unkindly. �So I�ll tell you the same thing
I told him � either you eat this on your own, or I�ll have Rashid feed it to
you.

He looked at her with narrowed
eyes. �You wouldn�t ��

�Quatre, however, knew better
than to say that to me. Yes, I would. Eat!� Trowa glared, but sat down
cross-legged before the trunk and methodically made his way through the food
with far more appetite than he was willing to show her. After he had cleared
half the tray, she asked, �Explain to me what happened � Quatre insisted it
was all his fault, but you seem to think differently. What did you do?�

�I told him I loved him � and I
asked him to leave with me.� He spoke to her knees, afraid to see anger, or
worse, disappointment in her eyes.

�Now I am confused. Quatre
is acting as if he has offended you beyond all possible hopes for forgiveness
� did he perhaps spurn a more physical advance from you?�

�No! I haven�t � I wouldn�t�not
yet�� Trowa looked up at her, blinking back the burning behind his eyes that
he had been fighting for the last few hours. �He doesn�t love me�� he
whispered at last, not wanting to hear the words.

�Nonsense! Although, I do agree,
you have overwhelmed him. In a few short days, Trowa, you have changed
his world more than he ever dared hope� Quatre has had nearly eighteen years
to resign himself to being Father�s heir� and less than a week to learn to
be your beloved. Give him a little time to accustom himself to the idea of
having a choice in the path his life follows.�

�Why do you think I�m hiding up
here?�

�I think you are sulking; acting
petulantly and wallowing in self-pity. The same as my brother is doing in the
room below you � pouting like a child whose best new toy has broken on the day
after Christmas. Will you come down and talk with him?�

�No.� She was clearly
exasperated with this answer, so he elaborated, �I told him that I wanted him
to think � I don�t want to pressure him any further. Let us be for
tonight.�

�Fine, for tonight I shall. But
if you are not both at the breakfast table tomorrow morning, I�ll have Rashid
hold the pair of you down while I horse whip you.� Phoebe stood and gave her
skirt a shake. Trowa grabbed it as she started to move past him.

�Why?�

�Why do I want you to take him
away from here?� She sank down to the floor next to him. �Or why do I trust
you with him?�

�I know why you want me to take
him, but why do you trust me?�

�You and I are members of an
elite club, Trowa � we both want Quatre to be happy. Even Iria does not
qualify for membership � she wants him to live the life Father laid out for
him. This does not mean she loves him less, she simply would rather see him take
the easiest path. Iria does not understand that hardship is often the means to
growth � and you and I both know that Quatre will only stagnate and die inside
if he marries and stays here. I love my brother, Trowa, better than any other
person living in this world.� Phoebe�s eyes searched his for a moment, and
apparently pleased with what she found there, she continued, �And I believe
you do, too.� She patted his cheek and stood to leave, hesitating momentarily
by the door. �He does love you, Trowa � but he doesn�t understand
completely what love means yet. And although I believe he has always desired the
love of another man� he is very na�ve. Be patient with him.�

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Trowa drifted on the edge of sleep
for four long hours, his only company the muted starlight filtering into the
room. Each time he was sure he was finally going to drift off, some small noise
would jar him back to full consciousness. He would sit up and strain to
determine if it had been the creak of the stairs or perhaps Quatre�s soft
whisper calling to him. Finally, exhaustion claimed him and he hovered in the
purgatory between dreams and waking where time moved with glacial slowness and
each of his own exhalations sounded like far off thunder. A persistent rapping
chased him around the dreamscape, like rain on a tin roof, or fingernails on a
tabletop, or, and the unrealized dream fragmented at the thought, like a light
knocking at his door. �Quatre?� he muttered, his own voice foreign in the
unfamiliar room. It took Trowa a moment to clear his head enough to grasp that
the sound had been real, this time, and that it had now stopped. He covered the
distance between bed and door in a few long strides and threw it open in time to
see flickering candlelight wink out around the curve of the stairs.
�Quatre?� he called a little louder. �Quatre, come back.�

The light strengthened and then
hesitated before climbing up ahead of Quatre to meet him. �I woke you,� the
downcast blonde said as he finally reached the stair where Trowa stood. �I am
so��

�Don�t say it!� Trowa put his
hand over Quatre�s mouth to stop the apology. �I�m starting to get tired
of you saying you�re sorry all the time.� He released Quatre and stepped
back. �And I wasn�t asleep.� Trowa waited for him to speak, but Quatre
silently fidgeted with the candleholder and started down at his own feet. �Why
did you come up here?� Trowa asked quietly.

�I� this is wrong� I cannot
ask anything of you��

�Quatre,� Trowa sighed, trying
to speak with more patience than he felt, �Again, you can ask everything from
me. What do you want?�

Quatre stared fixedly a spot beyond
Trowa�s head. �I couldn�t sleep��

Trowa�s optimistic heart wanted
to hear an invitation in that broken admission, but he forced it to calm.
�And?�

�And� will you� would you,
with me? Please? Phoebe says it�s wrong to tease you or encourage you until I
know what I feel� but I miss you! And I am so confused� if it�s too much
to ask, I understand.� Quatre had returned his gaze to the floor. �I am so
weak, aren�t I?�

�No, you�re human. Now let�s
go to bed.� He wanted to at least hug Quatre, but Trowa was mindful of
Phoebe�s words about patience. So he contented himself with merely rescuing
the candle from Quatre�s tired grasp and leading the way back into the lower
bedroom. They silently arranged themselves in the bed, Quatre as far away from
Trowa as he could possibly be without falling off the mattress. Although he was
disappointed, Trowa was determined not to press, and he tried to soothe himself
to sleep to the rhythm of Quatre�s breathing. However, after a few minutes of
listening to his bedmate�s restless tossing and turning and heavy sighs, he
said, �Is this what you wanted Quatre?�

�I want you to hold me.� Quatre
whispered, his hair glowing in the firelight but his face in shadows.

�Then come here.� Trowa held
his arms open. When Quatre did not immediately move into his embrace, Trowa
hauled him away from the edge of the bed and folded around him tightly.
�Better?� he murmured into Quatre�s ear. Quatre shivered lightly at the
soft exhalation and nodded, but after a few moments, Trowa noticed that he was
still tense. �What�s wrong?�

Quatre simply shook his head and
refused to look Trowa in the eye. �I want you to kiss me again, but Phoebe
said it would be wrong.�

�She said that kissing would be
wrong?� Trowa wondered how he could have so misread Phoebe�s attitude.

�No, not kissing. She told me
that kissing between� lovers,� Quatre was clearly unsure about using the
word. �Was a promise, and until I was willing to satisfy such a pledge, I
should not make it. What did she mean? And why won�t you explain to me how men
make love?�

�Quatre, I�d be happy to tell
you, if you�d ask me sometime when we weren�t in bed. I don�t think I
could stand to tell you, holding you like this� how do you even know you like
men?�

Quatre shifted in his arms
uncomfortably, �When I look at women, all I am able to see is sisters, or
friends. But when I look at you�� He tilted his head back to do just that,
�When I look at you, I see everything. And I feel as if I am far too small to
contain my heart.�

A bright warmth grew in Trowa�s
chest at these words and for a moment all he could do was hug Quatre to him
tightly. �I don�t think you need to worry about breaking any promises to
me,� and he kissed him with a tender intensity, glorying in the feel of
Quatre�s yielding lips fully pressed against his own. He carefully eased the
blonde�s mouth open and sucked at Quatre�s bottom lip. Although there was no
pulling away at this, Trowa contented himself that they had gone far enough for
that night, and moved to kiss Quatre�s temple before whispering a final
goodnight.
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