Reshuffled and Dealt

Here we are, yay! I finished it! Ok, now I'm going to try to do some work on the others, and hopefully I'll get a bit closer to caught up. Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 5

“So, Boss, what do you need first?” The cigarette dipped and was lit; he got a whole drag off before it was snatched away and put out against the garbage can.

“No smoking!” Cain bristled and his partner backed off, hands up. “Babies can’t be around smoke, and neither can pregnant people; it’s bad for them.” The other three officers stared at him, shocked at the first bit of temper from the calm young man.

A slightly evil grin crossed Ed’s face. “Well, first of all, I should tell you I have mood swings. Really, really fast ones. And I’ve got nothing on Tiffany.” Both men paled. “Second, I need to finish moving. And because I’m pregnant, I can’t possibly lift anything heavy, so you will have to move all my stuff.”

Wide shoulders rolled. “Meh, you live in the dorms, right? How much stuff can you have? They’re just little rooms.” Ed’s grin grew into creepy dimensions.

“Hmm. We’ll see. Colonel, when will the guys be free?”

“General, Fullmetal, General! They're free now, go ahead anytime.”

The grin spread wider. “Let’s go. Can we have a pair of trucks sent around?” His superior nodded, failing to hide his smirk. Havoc was turning an interesting shade of white.

“Boss?” His voice almost wavered with hesitancy. “How much stuff do you have?” Broad shoulders shrugged and the small blond led the way to his apartment. Havoc immediately backed away from the door. “Hell no. I am not carrying all that shit up and down stairs. How do you get it all in there?” Books, books, and more books covered the floor in stacks, lined the walls, and hid all flat surfaces. Then there were the rest of his clothes, and binders, and auto-mail repair bits, and kitchen things and souvenirs from all over the country and furniture and the list didn’t end.

Roy stood back and snickered; he knew exactly how much crap the blond collected. Who would have thought that someone who had been a nomad for half a decade would be such a packrat? “Now, now, better get packing. You don’t want to have to work around the other men on this floor when they get off duty, do you?” The blond officer grumbled but joined Cain, who had already started to pack things under Ed’s supervision.

Four hours later, everything was packed, with only one fit. Jean had dropped a plate and Ed immediately burst into tears, proclaiming that was his favorite plate and how could you? Cain was quick and produced a chocolate bar to smooth things over and the issue was forgotten in light of sugar.

“How did you know to do that?” The blond hefted another box onto his shoulder and started down the next flight of stairs. “The chocolate thing.”

“My mom had six kids after me. She always needed chocolate and it was best to just carry some.” Fuery peeked around a little pile of boxes before carefully feeling his way down the steps. “Then my sisters had kids and the habit stuck I guess; I usually give it to Ed or Breda if I don’t use it.”

The trucks were finally packed and Ed rode with Fuery, nibbling another chocolate bar quietly. He was exhausted when they got to his new place and as soon as the couch was carried in, flopped on it and went to sleep. He didn’t even go find Envy, who was asleep upstairs. The older men quietly set up as much as they could; the extra bedrooms, the kitchen, put the furniture in the appropriate rooms, unpacked the books.

Jean carried Ed up to the main room and settled him in bed beside the redhead, removing his boots, belt and over shirts before heading to the smaller room next door. Envy never budged, even when Ed rolled against her. Fuery was across the hall and they made sure to leave a light on in the bathroom in case one of the pair was sick during the night.

Bright and early the next morning, heavy steps pounded downstairs and Jean followed them quickly. Ed was throwing up miserably and the older blond hovered in the doorway for a second before slipping in to hold his hair back and rub his shoulders. Cain tossed the newly organized kitchen upside down before he found some stale crackers and a pair of clean glasses. Not the best, but it would do.

“Here. Nibble the crackers between bouts and little sips of water. If he drinks it in under twenty minutes, he’s drinking too fast.” The last was directed at Jean before the little man scooted off again.

Upstairs, retching could be heard clearly and he opened the bathroom door. “Fuck off, Runt.”

“Hello, I’m Cain Fuery, I work with Edward. Do you remember me?” A sharp gasp and she shoved away, scrambling across the floor. “Guess not. Then I’ll just stay out here, ok?”

Dull, tired eyes watched him until she had to move forward to throw up again. She looked so pitiful, Cain just couldn’t help it. “Can I come in, please? I can help you, hold your hair and get you a glass of water.”

“Fuck you. I don’t need your help.” But water sounded kinda nice and her mouth did taste pretty disgusting.

The brunette edged in and filled the glass from the tap. “No, you don’t, but it would be nice to be more comfortable, and it would make me happy.” The glass was held out carefully, arm fully extended, and grabbed greedily. “It would be a favor and I would owe you.”

He was assessed and waited patiently. “Fine, but you owe me.” A quick nod and he knelt beside her, folding her hair back gently in one hand and rubbing the other over the slim back.

“Can I braid your hair?” A brush was appropriated from the counter and he ran it lightly through the tangled mess, working as quickly as he could.

“Hell no, then I’ll look as stupid as the Brat.”

“No, no, I know how to make a nice braid that won’t look anything like Ed’s. We can take it out if you don’t like it.” He started to section pieces out as they were untangled and French braided quickly, smoothly slipping pieces into place. A tie was snagged from a drawer and he finished at the same time as the sickness started to fade. “There. Feel better?”

A smooth shoulder shrugged and they stood, Cain lifting Envy to her feet. His hand was slapped and he stepped back to let her past him. While she stomped off to her room to change, he rummaged through the cupboard and found a few bottles of painkillers. Two were thrown away as not being suitable and he got out two doses to take down before breakfast.

Ed was sitting at the table, looking pale and tired and Jean leaned on the counter, twirling a cigarette. “Here, Edward, take these.” They were tossed back immediately and the blond laid his head on the table. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“A pear.” A dark brow rose and the blond grinned up. “Ok, some cereal, with apple juice, please.” Jean’s tongue stuck out in disgust but he started to search for the requested food.

Envy wandered in and sat at the table, ignoring them all. “Hey, you look pretty today. Your hair is really nice.” She snorted at him and kicked his shin.

“Shut up. I’m hungry. Give me plums.” She and Ed started a light kicking war, battling beneath the table.

“Tiffany, there aren’t any plums. We’ll get some when we go shopping. What would you like right now?” Jean handed Ed his bowl of cereal and green focused on it.

“That, I want that.” A small hand reached over and tried to steal the bowl, getting slim fingers smacked by a spoon. “Gimme!”

“No, get your own.” The bowl was cuddled against the blond’s chest and he started eating quickly.

Another bowl was placed quickly in front of the redhead and she swept it to the floor. “NO! I want that one!”

“Tiffany…” An angry shriek cut the tall blond off.

“Stop calling me that! I hate it, I hate you! Why are you even here?” The spoon he’d just given her whipped at his head and he ducked, arms up to deflect it.

“Cut it out. You’re such a bitch.” The half full bowl was handed over. “Fuck, here. Have it.” She picked it up and held it for a second before throwing the wet cereal at her partner. He bolted to his feet and looked like he might go over the table at her.

Jean pounced and grabbed his arms, holding the screaming blond down. “You fucking asshole! I can’t believe you!” She snarled back and hopped up only to be grabbed by Cain on her way around the table. A hard elbow slammed back, the other arm pushing a small fist to give it more force.

The small brunette flinched but held on, sliding his arms under hers and clasping his hands over her upper chest, lifting until her feet kicked helplessly. “Alright you two, that’s enough. Jean, take Edward to get ready please.” He carried the small body to the stairs and set her feet a few steps up, still holding her against him. ‘Now, Tif. Right. What would you like to be called?”

Soft cheeks were flushed with anger and tears slid over them. He kept a hold on her, just in case and waited for her to calm down. Finally, a soft whisper came to him. “Envy. My name is Envy.”

“Alright, Envy. Can you behave yourself long enough to come shopping with us?” The braid nodded against his cheek and he released her, pushing a bit to balance her on the steps. “Go change, ok? As soon as you’re ready, we’ll leave. And here, take these. They’ll help your headache.”

The pills were taken from his hand and she blinked down at them. “How did you know I have a headache?” Narrow shoulders just shrugged and he flinched from the pain in his side. “Are you ok?” The steps were descended and she put her hands on his side, blinked at the one with pills in it, swallowed them quickly, and went back to examining the damage. The white shirt pushed up before he could stop her and the sore spot prodded gently.

Cain blushed and delicately took the shirt hem from her fingers. “I’m fine, thank you. Go ahead and change, ok?” Green narrowed at him and he thought he might have a fight on his hands but she backed off, heading up to change.

A sigh of relief and he turned to see Ed and Jean watching him. Jean was smiling but Ed scowled at him and turned away, stomping into the kitchen. A large hand landed on his shoulder. “Better be careful of letting her get too attached to you, Boss isn’t taking that well.”

He whispered back, face red. “She was just concerned that she’d hurt me. And she wants to be called Envy.” Glass scraped against the tile in the kitchen and he went to help Ed clean up. After the third glare, he sighed and straightened up. “Is something wrong, Edward?”

“No, what could be wrong? MY partner likes YOU better, so everything must be fine.” The blond turned away and pretended to be busy mopping the juice up.

“Edward, she was just checking to see if she’d hurt me. She does that for you too, I’ve seen her.” Ed stopped mopping and turned back look at him. “She doesn’t like me better. She just spends a lot of time with you, maybe too much. A bit of time with other people won't hurt anything, will it?” Gold stared at him before he turned away; but he wasn’t scowling anymore, so the brunette left it at that.

Fifteen minutes later, they were all ready. The ride was uncomfortable with Envy insisting Cain sit in the back with her and Ed insisting on sitting with them. Jean was glad to escape with his two page list of ‘basic essentials’ and a cart. Ed and Envy were encouraged to put anything they even remotely desired into the cart.

They squabbled over everything, dragging things out and replacing them, name calling, and even got in a shoving match, and Fuery finally put his foot down; no more fighting or they were done and could go without. They calmed and ignored each other after that. Their two cartfuls of seemingly random stuff, everything from asparagus to banana ice cream, had the cashier looking at them strangely, but Cain figured it would be worth it to not have to go out in the middle of the night for things. The brunette flat out refused to sit with either of them and claimed the front seat.

Clothing should have been simple; just grab some stuff that’s much too big and let them grow into it. Of course, Havoc was a genius. “Hey Boss, look at these. Pretty, huh?” A flowery dress was held up in one hand and a huge pair of purple sweatpants in the other.

Ed stared and promptly burst into tears. “You, you think I’m fat! And a girl!” Jean was so startled he dropped his choices and backed away, leaving Cain to handle the sobbing blond.

“Ed, no one thinks you’re fat or a girl. Havoc is just dumb.” A handkerchief appeared as if by magic to wipe tears away. Envy snickered beside the crying blond and kicked at his foot. “Envy, enough please.”

She sniffed at him and took off, Havoc right behind her. They hit the other side of the store and dug through dresses gleefully. The redhead was having a wonderful time and used Jean as a model for her choices, completely disregarding that he was half again as tall as her and twice as wide.

“Ok, Ed. Feel better?” He nodded and wiped his face more. “Come on, let’s find you something nice and comfortable.” After that, it was easier. Ed was in a better mood and chose a few items without a fuss. Envy had a pile as big as she was by the time she was done and Jean got kicked twice when he put a limit on her choices.

“Let’s head home. We should put the food away and I’m tired.” The understatement of the year. “We’ll come back later for the other things.” Fuery was the driving force behind the entire operation and the three just nodded and followed his lead. The youngest fell asleep in the car and had to be carried inside and up to his room, where Envy collapsed beside him, fast asleep.

“Jean, come down here please.” The serious tone made the older man wince.

“Geez, you’ve gotten bossy all of a sudden, haven’t you?” Pink rushed into Cain’s face and he looked at the ground.

“So, sorry! I don’t mean to be, I” A careless hand waved his apologies away.

“Nah, I’m just teasing. Relax. What do you want to talk about?” Coffee was set on the table and the brunette settled across from him.

“We need a plan of some sort, to make this work. They both need to relax and calm down before they hurt each other, themselves, or the babies. Ed's looking a bit skinny to me, and Envy certainly needs to put on weight; I’ll check Mom’s old books for recipes and ways to stop morning sickness.” Slim fingers wrapped around his cup.

“Well, what should I do? I don’t know anything about pregnancy. This is just weird, I mean, a pregnant guy? I’ll admit, it’s Ed and odd things just seem to happen to him, but still.” He leaned back in his chair, cup forgotten on the table.

“I know it seems strange, but he’s still Edward and we have to just stay calm and relaxed. He’ll be nervous enough and treating him differently or like a freak will only make it worse.” The brunette looked at his hands for a minute. “As to helping, well, you can stop teasing him. And no smoking in the house either.” He grinned at his friend. “And maybe you can be in charge of setting up the nurseries and rearranging the house. He mentioned he wanted to move the couch around a bit. It’s a bit soon, but they might start to nest early, so you’ll have lots of work to do.” Dark eyes watched his coffee swirl in silence. “I’m just worried. Those two are under a lot of stress and can’t seem to be in the same room without fighting.”

Havoc sighed and sat forward again, twirling a cigarette idly. “You know, every time I’ve seen them, even just around town, they’ve been fighting. I kinda think that’s the way they DO get along. Though, you’re right, it is getting out of hand. We should try to give them something to do together, something quiet they can’t really argue about.”

Cain looked up, smiling. “That’s a great idea! Maybe they can read the baby books together and work on names. I bet my sisters still have some name booklets I can get.” He grabbed some paper and started a list of things to get; pregnancy books, name books, color charts for the rooms, furniture catalogs. “Ed will like this for sure.”

“And Tiffany? I mean, I knew she was a bit high strung but this is a little extreme.” He took a sip of his coffee.

“Envy, call her Envy. Well, all women are different, so maybe that’s the just the way it is with her. I wouldn’t worry about it, just watch out for elbows.” He grinned and rubbed his side lightly.

“About that; what the hell kind of name is Envy anyways? You don’t really think it’s her real name, do you?”

“Does it matter? It makes her happy to be called by it, so we will. No harm in it.” Blond shook but he nodded after, agreeing to stick to the new name.

A muffled thump from upstairs had them on their feet and headed up to see Ed wandering out of his room. “I need ice cream.” He yawned loudly. “With peanut butter.”

Havoc headed back down while Fuery trotted past to grab a pair of slippers. He insisted Ed put them on then let him past. Jean had a bowl out with a bit of peanut butter in it and all three kinds of ice cream out, waiting for the shorter blond to choose one. Strawberry seemed like the appropriate one to have and the others were put away, as much for the distraction from the disgusting food as anything.

The brunette was unbothered and chatted while the young blond ate. “So, Ed? Do you want to arrange the house this afternoon? Or, we could start on the baby’s room.” A sharp clink of the spoon and Ed stopped eating. “What’s wrong?”

Gold hair shook a bit and the strong shoulders slumped. “It, it just doesn’t seem real.” His hand strayed down to his stomach. “That something is growing inside me, right now. No, not something. A baby, a little, helpless baby. What if I fuck it up? Drop it or hurt it or make mistakes or” He stopped talking when Cain’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. Jean wandered over and slung an arm around them both, tangling his fingers in long blond hair.

“You won’t fuck it up and you would never hurt your child. You’ll be a great father. Mistakes happen, Ed, and you’ll make them like everyone else. As long as you try hard, it’ll be ok.” One last ruffle and they pulled away before Ed could talk himself into pushing them. “You have us and Al to help out too. So don’t worry, ok?”

A small smile and the young man stood from the table. “Yeah, ok.” Another faint set of steps sent Cain upstairs to find more slippers and force them on little feet. The redhead shuffled in rubbing her eyes and sat beside Ed, leaning against his side. “Hi.” A mumbled greeting and she yawned loudly. “Very elegant.”

“Fuck you. I’m hungry; what are you having?” A slim finger dipped into his bowl and was licked clean. “Ugh, that’s really gross.” Her eyes widened and she bolted, catching her hair in the auto-mail and ripping it out with a squeak.

A slipper tripped her up but Cain was close enough to catch her and set her back on her feet. He followed her to the bathroom and tucked the loosening braid back. “Here.” A glass of water was pressed into her hands and gulped down. “Ok?”

“I hate this.” She prodded her stomach and frowned at it. “I hate you.”

Cain sighed and took her hand lightly, pressing it flat and rubbing the bump. “You know, babies can hear you. If you say mean things to it, it might decide to just stay inside you and never come out.” Green flared at him in alarm and she started rubbing on her own, telling the baby how sorry she was and that she didn’t really hate it. A smile was fought back and he left, sending Ed in keep her company.

The pair reappeared as he was getting off the phone with his oldest sister, who agreed to come over with the books right away. A book was presented to each and they were settled on the couch with snacks and a drink each. “New house rules you two.” Both looked up at him. “You will sit here for one hour a day; no arguing, no fighting. You will get along and share; I don’t care how bad you feel, how tired you are, or how upset with each other you are. If you leave, I will drag you back.” They stared at him as if he’d grown another head; they might have been less shocked.

“I thought you said he was the nice one.” Envy shifted on the couch, settling her feet up in Ed’s lap.

The blond moved them around until he was comfortable. “He is.” They looked at him, then each other. “Well, what have you got? I have ‘1001 House Cleaning Tips for New Mothers’.”

A faint snort of laughter and a smaller book was held out. “'How to Eat Right When You’re Expecting’ doesn’t sound much better.”

The officers backed out and let them be. Two hours later, Ed wandered out looking for a new drink. “Hey, Cain?” Faint humming came from the young man at the stove. “Is what you told Envy true?”

“Which part?” Pages flipped as he explored the recipe book, searching for an alternative to corn, which Envy had refused to touch earlier.

Red spread over the high cheekbones and the metal foot shuffled a bit. “The part about the baby.”

“You have to be more specific, Edward.” He finally looked up and noticed the blush. “Oh, from this morning?” A few steps to check on the redhead, who was passed out on the couch and he turned back with a smile. “Partially. Babies can hear you talking to them, singing, everything, so it’s important to try to be nice and let them know they are loved. But no, a baby will be born in nine months, regardless of what you say to it.”

“Oh, ok. I just wondered. It sounded a bit strange.” He walked over to peek into the pot on the stove. “What are you making?”

“Chicken soup and a casserole, but I need something to use instead of corn. Any suggestions?”

“I like corn.” A high voice startled them from the doorway.

“Oh? Well then, I’ll just use that.” He checked but she showed no sign of having heard him talking and just wandered in to sit. “Would you like a snack?” Red shook but a hand was held out to Ed, who took it with a smile.

The outside door opened and closed quietly, Jean’s boots shaking snow off as silently as possible. “Hey, are they, oh, there you are.” The bags were set on the table and the couple unpacked them while he shrugged out of his coat. A can of peaches was claimed and Jean obliged, opening it for them and getting a pair of spoons.

A brief fight over who got what slice started but disintegrated just as quickly in the desire to eat as soon as possible. The can was shared nicely until only juice was left. Envy smacked Ed’s knuckles and he kicked her back. “Ok, that’s enough.” The can disappeared from their possession and they watched while it was emptied into a glass. Jean refused any and Cain tipped his head back to get the last drops.

“Hey!” They stared at each other in shock.

“Sorry, guys. I told you no more fighting.” Havoc bit his lip to keep from laughing and silently handed over bowls. “Are you ready for supper?” Ed took his quietly, embarrassed at being treated like a child. Envy held hers, struggling with whether she should throw it or not, finally settling down to eat quietly too.

Jean leaned in close and whispered. “Good job, super mom.” He got a quick elbow for his trouble and laughed out loud.




Review if you have time, please! Glad you made it all the way here. And I'm sure those books exist somewhere, but I have no idea where.