It Wasn't Anything

Chapter 5

Crisis

When Ed reached his dorm room, he slowly opened the door. He didn’t want to disturb his brother. All he wanted was the soft comfort of his bed. He entered the room without turning the lights on and fumbled his way to his mattress, feeling around in the dark with outstretched hands. Once he found what he was looking for, he let out a soft sigh and undressed. As he slipped between the smooth sheets, he turned his back to the direction he knew his brother would be in.

“Brother? Where were you?”

Ed cringed.

Al had been waiting all night for Ed to come home. It wasn’t like him to be so distant and he didn’t like it.

“I was out. Just, out.” Ed knew the explanation wouldn’t be enough for his brother, but he had to give it a try.

“What do you mean? Out where?” A hint of irritation tinged Al's voice.

“Uh, I was with Mustang.” He'd caved. He was just too tired to come up with a better excuse.

“Mustang? Something’s going on, isn’t it?” Al's voice was laced with concern.

Ed’s sleepy eyes flew open and he rolled in the direction of Al’s voice. Did Al know something about his sordid affair with Mustang? Had he somehow seen something the night of his birthday party? He carefully chose his words. “What do you mean, going on?” He heard shuffling on the bed against the far wall.

“Why were you out with Mustang? I thought you hated him? Does he have you on some secret assignment or something?” Al's voice grew loud, almost yelling at Ed. He was furious that he’d be left out.

The tension in Ed’s body released as he heard the direction his brother’s mind was taking. He thought how convenient it would be to just let him believe this was the case. “Yeah, Al, I’ve got a secret assignment. Sorry, but I can’t really talk about it.” He winced. He’d never lied to his brother before. Just another thing to feel guilty about, he thought, the critical voice starting up in his head.

“Oh. Well, just be careful. Don’t let Mustang make you do something you shouldn’t, okay?” Al set his metal body back onto his bed, rustling the covers.

Ed chuckled softly to himself, yeah right, something he shouldn’t. He did a lot of things he shouldn’t these days, craving the touch of his commanding officer, lying to his brother, enjoying Roy’s salty fluid entering his mouth a little too much. Was he a freak? There was that word again popping up in his brain. He remembered Mustangs words, "wow, you really like doing that", "you are really into that, aren’t you". Wasn’t he supposed to be "into that", he wondered? The old feelings of insecurity rapped on the door of his intellect. There must be something unusual in it, something unusual in him, tainted even. Or why would Roy feel the need to point it out, twice?

Curling himself up under his sheets, Ed tried to stop the chain of self-deprecating thoughts from unraveling. You were too bold tonight, Ed. Keep that up and he’ll soon tire of you. He pushed his face into his pillow, tightening his already closed eyelids. Maybe if they were tight enough, the voice wouldn’t reach him. You’re twisted, Edward Elric, twisted and polluted, the voice whispered to him. “No,” he whispered, tears starting to fill his eyes, just as sleep overcame him.

xxx

Ed raced through the halls of Central. A mob of blue clad officers trailed behind him. He attempted to cover his ears with his hands as he ran so he couldn’t hear the obscenities being hurled at him. Where was Mustang? Didn’t he know what was happening? Didn’t he know he had to stop them? Tell them it was okay? Tell them it was normal? Tears streamed down his face as he became frantic. He searched the contents of each room he passed while he ran, looking for the dark head of the man who could make everything all right. His legs felt heavy. His breathing was labored. He knew he’d have to stop soon. Fear escalating, he felt the mob getting closer. “Mustang!” The crowd descended on him, thrashing him about.

“Brother!” Al shook his suffering sibling as he sat next to him on his bed. He was surprised to witness Ed’s nightmare. This hadn’t happened for years, since right after their mother died and they’d tried to transmute her back to life.

Suddenly, Ed woke, sitting up straight, eyes opened wide and centered on his brother’s dark helmeted silhouette. He was confused. Fear from the nightmare still clutched at heart and teased him with panic. “Al?” His breath hitched. “Wh-what happened?”

Al was relieved to have his brother back from whatever horrors he’d been caught up in. “You just had a nightmare. Relax, it’s okay now.” He stroked Ed's arms with his large gloved hands.

Ed let the words wash over him, reassure him, ease his trembling. He slowly lay back in his bed and curled up on his side, back to his brother. “Oh.” He was still befuddled. Bits and pieces of the dream deteriorated while others remained strong. The feeling of everyone detesting him, accusing him, was still vivid.

“Ed?”

“Yeah, Al?” Ed tried to keep his voice steady. He was lost in making sense of the jumble of images, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Why were you screaming about Mustang? Did it have something to do with your assignment?” Something about this new mission was not sitting well with him, it was taking too much of his brother away from him.

Ed gasped, a little too loud maybe. “Was I? It must have been, I-I don’t know.” his voice teetered on the brink of tears. How he wished Roy was here to calm him. He’d slept so well in his arms last night.

xxx

Ed made his way into headquarters early the next day. He was fed up with the voice that taunted him all morning and longed for the Colonel’s presence. His brother was agitating him, too. The constant questioning about the "secret assignment" was wearing him down. He’d told lie after lie to his brother to satiate him. What was the use of having a "secret assignment" if it wasn’t really a secret?

He went directly to Mustang’s office. There were a few other officers in the room with him, most notably Riza Hawkeye, Havoc, and Fuery. They were all standing over a table, apparently discussing the contents that lay on it. They all turned to glare at him when he entered. The scene brought back disturbing memories of his dream and his eyes searched out Roy’s. He knew if he could make contact with him his nerves would calm.

Stepping forward, Roy met Ed close to the entrance of the office. He grasped his elbow with insistence, turned him around, and led him back out to the hallway.

Ed’s heart pounded. "What's going on?"

"Shh, I'll tell you in a minute." Roy kept a firm grip on Ed's elbow as they strode down the hall.

A host of questions ate at Ed. Did someone see them together last night? Did the driver talk? He just assumed Roy had the situation taken care of when he’d drawn the curtains in the car. It seemed like he’d done that before. It suddenly felt like a bullet ripped through his chest. Obviously Mustang had done that before. Ed felt jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach as he remembered the ease in which Mustang told the driver to "take the long way", like it was some code. Who was he kidding. He wasn’t anyone special. Probably just the fuck of the day for a guy like Mustang. What an idiot he’d been at dinner last night, actually believing the sweet talk that bastard fed him.

Roy hauled Ed into a little used hallway and faced him, confused as to why he was being glared at. “Ed, something’s happened and I won’t be able to see you today.”

Ed felt tears welling in his eyes. His anger had turned to pain. Could it really be the Colonel was already brushing him off? “Why?” He was unable to control the trembling in his voice. He tried to get angry. He wouldn't let Mustang see him cry again. Clenching his teeth and fisting his hands, he braced himself for the worst.

“Ed, why are you so upset?”

“Go ahead, just tell me you don’t want to see me anymore. I bet you’ve already found someone else to share your backseat.”

“What?” Roy was dumbfounded now. Edward was not making any sense at all as far as he was concerned. “Are you insane? What on Earth are you talking about?” he took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest. Where would he get an idea like that?

Ed's head lowered and tilted a bit, looking off to the side. His face appeared bitter.

Grabbing Ed, Roy pulled him close, feeling the young man’s body grow rigid against his own. “Listen Ed, I don’t know where you got that idea, but it’s wrong. You understand? It’s just plain wrong. I have a crisis on my hands today that needs to be dealt with and that’s the only reason I can’t see you. I don’t want you involved in it either, do you hear me?" His voice was low and firm. He could tell his words were successful. Ed’s body relaxed against him and he felt Ed's arms embrace him.

Ed was overwhelmed. The fear and loss he'd felt was too much. He blinked and held tears spilled down over his cheeks.

Roy saw a drop fall from under Ed's bangs. “Damn, Fullmetal,” Roy whispered as he tightened his hold and placed a gentle kiss on his head.

So, Ed thought, as he melted into the Colonel’s embrace, this is what love feels like. The feeling was overpowering at the moment, bittersweet. He recognized how it had the power to mend or destroy. He pulled himself together, feeling a little embarrassed, and gave the Colonel a quick squeeze before dragging himself away.

As their bodies parted, Ed felt Roy’s hand come up and wipe the remnants of tears from his cheeks. Hand cupped his chin and lifted his face. He felt Roy’s thumb drag across his lower lip, stopping momentarily at the center. He gazed into the Colonel's eyes just as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to his own. When the kiss ended, Ed leaned forward, craving more. “Roy . . . ” Reaching up, he put an arm around Roy’s neck.

The look on Ed’s face was enough to make Roy swoon. He really didn’t want to go back to his office and deal with the developing sticky situation. In fact, if there were time he’d like to finish what they’d started in the car last night. But if Ed caught wind of what they’d found, it would surely tear him apart. He had to protect the young man who was starting to mean so much to him. He felt an urgent tug from around his neck and saw the passionate look on Ed’s face. But he resisted. “I’m sorry, I have to get back. I want you to promise me that you’ll go back to your room, with your brother, and stay there until this thing blows over. Do you promise?”

Ed nodded, reluctantly, his arms dropping back to his side. He wanted to question Roy on the crisis. Instead, he noticed a shape out of the corner of his eyes and directed his gaze to the larger hallway.

Fuery stood in the hallway with his mouth hanging open.

Flinching, Ed backed up into the wall, trying to hide himself somehow.

Roy also saw the man standing in the hallway gaping at them. He faced him. “Fuery, looking for me?” He acted as if nothing had happened, nothing at all.

“Y-yes, Colonel. Hawkeye needs to see you, right away." His voice was shaky, but steadied as he spoke.

Ed watched Roy’s blue jacket billow behind him as he strode passed Fuery and down the hallway, back towards his office. His gaze shifted to the spectacled man, he wasn’t sure how much he’d seen. If his facial expression was any indication, he’d seen enough. Ed wasn’t sure what to say, if anything.

The two just stood there a moment, looking each other over.

Fuery finally saluted and left.

Exhaling held breath, Ed was both astonished and relieved.

xxx

The rest of the day held it’s usual torture for Edward. Now he not only had his yearning for the Colonel waging war against his conscience to deal with, but he also had his curiosity about the serious situation at headquarters to suppress. He’d decided to trust the Colonel’s decision for the moment and stay in his room.

Al sat in the corner of their dorm room and watched his brother lay on his bed, try to read, get up, look out the window, try to read on the couch, pace the room, try to take a nap, pace a little more, on and on and on. All the while, he was only offered one to three word sentences to any question or comment he made. Al thought about it in his head, example: Al-what do you think is going on over there, brother? Ed-I don’t know. Al-it sure is nice outside, Ed-yes. Al-you’re a flipping moron, Ed-yes. Well, he hadn’t actually asked the last part, but he wanted to and if he did he was sure he would get the same answer.

His brother was here in the same room with him, finally, after days apart, but he might as well have been in Drachma. He couldn’t take anymore of his moping and fidgeting.

Ed was lying on his bed, gazing out the window, having yet another daydream about Roy and him.

“Edward what the hell is wrong with you?” Al's rather loud voice filled the silent room.

Al's sudden question made Ed's body jerk. “Damn-it, Al, what was that for?” Great, just what he needed, he thought, his brother messing with him too.

Al sighed. Did he finally get through? “Ed, I asked you a question. Answer me. And answer with something other than yes, no, or I don’t know!” His voice was laced with irritation.

Scowling, Ed's face scrunched up and he shifted on the bed to his side, turning his back toward his brother for the hundredth time that day. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m just tired and worried about what they found at headquarters. Just leave me alone.” Ed had been caught up in a dramatic daydream regarding Roy confessing his love for him. They’d been sitting on a park bench in the rain. What a pussy, he told himself, those kinds of daydreams were for girls, snap out of it. It’s just that he made a subconscious note to himself that day to keep any daydreams clean since he’d have his brother breathing down his neck and he didn’t want a repeat of yesterday morning’s shower escapade. He returned his gaze to the window, evening wasn’t coming fast enough, he just wanted to go to sleep and put his mind at rest.

Al rose and clanked over to his brother’s side. Ed’s words had cut deep. He stood by the side of Ed’s bed. “Brother?” Emotion lay heavy in his voice.

Wincing, Ed turned around with the sorrowful sound of Al’s voice. He held out his hand to his armored brothers arm and guided him to the bed, helping him sit down on the edge. Ed sat up, putting his arm around what would be his brother’s waist. God, how he wished his brother had his body back so he could feel his warmth next to him again. He didn’t even think Al could feel the arm that reached out to connect with him.

“Ed, where have you gone? I miss you.” Al was miserable.

“Damn, Al, I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.” Sighing, Ed leaned his body against the back of the cold metal container housing his brother's soul. He’d give anything to see his face again. It’d been so long, he hardly remembered what he looked like. For the moment, he pretended the hard metal was soft flesh, and he could almost reach out and touch Al’s silky blonde hair. As he rested his cheek on an imaginary small back, his vision shattered with the sound of crystalline drops softly tapping smooth metal. His head shifted and his forehead pressed hard on the silver casing. His weeping became audible as his shoulders began to shake.

Al twisted around, repositioning Ed on his metal chest and embraced him. “Brother,” Al whispered.

They held each other for a few minutes, trying desperately to reconnect what had been severed by the week’s events.

“I’m sorry, Al. I—" Sobs broke though Ed's words.

“No, don’t speak. It’s okay.” Al figured whatever was happening was breaking his brother’s heart and he didn’t want to make him relive it. “Whatever it is, just do what you have to do. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be here when it’s over.”

The selfless offering his brother so freely gave him brought fresh tears to Ed's eyes. He wept, holding the metal shell tighter, trying to will it into something pliable, more human. His guilt ate fiercely at him. But he couldn’t release it. He couldn’t tell his brother the real reason behind the distance between them.

xxx

Ed woke up and looked out the window next to his bed. It was still dark outside and the moon was only a sliver. Turning over, he glanced at the clock on the small table between the two beds. It read two a.m. Mustang had to be home by now, he thought, scanning the ceiling. Would he really do it? He’d been thinking about it all day. It was always just below the surface, waiting to shove it’s way through. Yes, he would. He had to or he’d go crazy in this room, stuck with only his imagination. He got up and quietly dressed. As he opened the door to the room, he heard his brother’s soft voice.

“Bye Edward,” Al whispered, into the darkness.

xxx

Roy was fast asleep. The day’s events had thoroughly worn him out. He slowly stirred to the sound of steady tapping on his bedroom window. “Huh?” He heard it again, sounding like metal hitting glass. Sitting up in his bed, he focused his attention on the window. There was a dark figure peering back at him. For a second he felt fear. But as he started to recognize the familiar outline of the person outside, he smiled and climbed out of bed.

Roy didn’t like to sleep with any clothes on, even when he was alone. That fact made Ed’s blood boil as he watched the Colonel’s naked body head toward him. Ed became fascinated by the languid movement of Roy's body and the whiteness of his skin.

Leaning in close to the window, Roy pried the pane sideways. “Ed, this is a pleasant surprise. Hungry, are we?” Even though it was dark, he could see the raw need in Edward's eyes. “Come to the door and I’ll let you in.”

Roy put on a bathrobe before strolling to his front door. He only had to turn the knob and the door flung open. His braided visitor ran into his arms, wrapping himself around him and burying a cold face into his neck. Roy returned the embrace as he shut the door with his foot. He breathed in his lover's scent, fresh again from being outdoors. “Edward.” he whispered. After a few moments, he led the young man into the comfort of his bedroom.

Once inside, Ed stood still, allowing the older man to disrobe him, slowly and sensually, boots and all. In-between each article of clothing removed, urgent kisses flamed across his skin, making him moan and tilt his head. When he was completely bare, Ed felt Roy take his flesh hand and lead him to the bed.

Ed watched his lover remove his bathrobe, climb into the bed, and hold his arms out to him.

"Come here, Ed."

Ed submitted himself to Roy’s embrace, lowering himself into strong arms.

The two fell gently into still warm sheets.

Sighing, Ed felt skin contact skin, and the heat from Roy’s body as it pressed against him. He was hard, aching, as he felt the insistent kisses resume hot traces on his neck and chest. But suddenly, unexpectedly, what he really needed was something different. “Hold me, Roy…please, just hold me.” Without saying a word he felt his lover do exactly as he requested.

As the minutes passed, Ed’s guilt, shame, and fear relaxed and his lust for the Colonel returned. Ed became acutely aware of the feel of Roy’s skin against him and his erection pressing against his own. The sumptuous feel of it all urged him to rock his hips against Roy. The pressure sent a sweet surge of pleasure through him. His breathing quickened and he let out a soft moan.

Roy let his grip loosen as Edward slid downward, positioning his head between Roy’s legs. He felt hands and fingers caressing his thighs, one slightly cool. The hands found his length, teasing him with soft strokes. Moaning, he thrust into the sensation. He’d been hoping for this all day. He felt Ed take him in his mouth and heard his urgent whimper. Roy smiled for a second as a thought occurred to him. Ed was as talented at blow-jobs as he was at alchemy, who knew? As Ed’s head bobbed up and down on top of him, Roy surrendered himself to every stroke, every flick of the tongue.

Ed’s erection ached painfully as he sucked and licked at Roy. He knew if he let himself contact anything at the moment, he’d spill. Trembling horribly, he let out his frustrations by writhing over Roy’s hips, doing his best to keep it all inside. His moans were coming at a frenzied pace. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep going, but he had to. He could almost taste Roy’s seed. Why did this craze him so?

Reaching his hands down, Roy stopped Ed’s flurry of activity. “Ed, come here and rest a minute.” He helped Ed come back up to lie beside him, on his back. Roy rolled on his side to face him. He watched his young lover in the soft glow of moonlight that pierced the window.

Ed was panting and had a pained expression on his face. Watching the ceiling. he put his automail arm up to his forehead. The cool metal felt soothing against his flushed face. “Why did you stop me?” He felt fear trying to take hold of his heart. Was he doing something wrong? Didn’t Roy like it?

Roy put his arm around Ed’s torso and watched as Ed’s gaze shifted to him. “I wanted to try something else.”

“Why? Wasn’t it good enough?” Ed's voice wavered.

“God yes, Ed, you’re phenomenal. I just thought we could do something different, more, intimate.” Roy felt his desire rise with anticipation.

The Colonel’s words peaked Ed's interest and lay his fears to rest. “What?” He was suddenly eager to try whatever Roy had in mind.

Roy slid himself over Ed. He started to kiss Ed’s lips, delicately at first, then with higher insistence. “I want you to enter me.” He placed gentle bites on Ed's neck.

The words shook Ed. Enter Roy, but how? Obviously he was about to find out. “I-I want that, sh-show me.” How much power would he have over Mustang if he was inside him? The thought sent chills up his spine and lit his groin on fire.

Roy left him for a minute and opened the familiar drawer to pull out the lotion. Ed watched, enticed by the spread of the lotion on Roy’s hands. He gasped when Roy covered his erection with slick fingers, transferring the lotion. Ed felt Roy tugging at him, rolling him over on top of him.

Roy spread his legs underneath Ed.

Ed felt his slick length fall between Roy’s thighs

Roy grinned wickedly up at Ed as he guided him into the crevice of his behind. Pressing on Ed's behind, he urged Ed inside.

Ed drove instinctively into Roy's entrance. A loud cry escaped him, followed by gasping as pleasure rocked his senses. Dropping his head to Roy’s chest, he let the tightness consume him. He pulled out slowly and drove back in, craving the new sensation and the look of raw gratification on Roy’s face each time he did it.

Roy positioned himself so Ed’s thrusts hit the sensitive knot of nerves inside him. Holding Ed firm, he took sweet friction from the Blonde’s stomach. He watched as Ed’s thrusts reached their pinnacle and spun the young man into near hysterics. Roy felt his own surge looming close behind and was all at once surprised and grateful when Ed lifted himself a bit and slid his hand over Roy’s pulsing erection, pumping the fluid out of him.

When it was over, the pair lay entwined, sweat chilling the exposed parts of their bodies. They tried to calm their still heavy breathing.

Ed couldn’t believe what he’d just experienced. Hadn’t he made fun of that situation with an immature internal comment a few days ago? He’d never think of it the same way again. He felt Roy pull the covers over them and he lay warmed in his lovers embrace as sleep took him.