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Sand Castles	By : kracken Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 2255 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I don't make any money off of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Sand Castles
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 4
- 5
- 6
"Don't!" Heero growled as Duo came into his quarters.

Duo stood, hand on the knob, and then he had a sudden determined look on his face. As Heero shoved things into his duffle, Duo closed the door and leaned his body against it, as if barring Heero's way.

"You're crying," Duo whispered in disbelief.

Heero wiped harshly at his face and shook his head as he firmly turned his back on Duo. "Don't I have a reason?"

"Yes," Duo replied with a sigh.

Heero waited for an insult, a jab at his lack of manhood, but Duo didn't offer one. He said, instead, "When... well... after the mission.... after I found out about that bastard... I curled up in the closet and cried, with a bottle of whiskey for company,... I don't know how long. Hours, days... it's all a blur... I just... I know how you're feeling. Time wasted. A fool. An idiot. Used. Raped....mentally... physically... only, you though that it wasn't at the time. You thought that you knew what was going on... that you were in control... that you had it figured out... but you didn't."

Heero asked, wanting to know, "Is that bastard dead?"

"Yeah," Duo replied. "Fei shot him. I was on my front, on the ground, with his gun in my ass. I twisted and flipped my legs around to knock the gun and kick him. I managed it. The gun went off. Bullet was a quarter of an inch from hitting a nut. Fei heard the shot. He was just, there, like he fucking materialized out of space and bulkhead, and took him out. I didn't even get to do that much."

Heero wiped both hands over his face harshly, realizing just how close Duo had come to dying. "It's been hard," he admitted as he began packing again. "Wanting you and not... not saying anything. Respecting how you felt... How I thought you felt."

Duo finally moved away from the door to look at the photos on the wall. "Maybe... Maybe you wouldn't have found this, if we had been together? Maybe, together in every way, you would have just kept fighting beside me. Things might not have worked out. The odds are way fucking against missing that bullet every time. I think..." He swallowed hard and reached out to touch a beach photo, "Nothing that happened to me would compare... would be worse... than seeing you die like that. I'd much rather see you on a beach, in the sun and surf... happy."

Heero closed his eyes tightly and leaned on his duffel. "I told myself, that wanting your happiness, and respecting what you wanted, was better than... letting you see how angry I was, how disappointed, how ... terrible...I felt..."

"You always did love that self sacrificing shit," Duo retorted and his voice was very unsteady.

Heero was suddenly behind Duo, taking his shoulders and pulling the man back against him. He leaned his forehead into Duo's shoulder, breath against the man's neck, as he said, "You were supposed to be happy. I sacrificed for nothing."

Duo cleared his throat and his hands closed over Heero's. They were warm and trembling. "He fooled me, because I wanted to be fooled. I was so lonely. Empty. I wanted you, but you had pulled away, made yourself distant. Now I know why. It was so easy for him to prey on that, to say all the right things. I'm worth it. I'm great. I'm sexy. Who the hell wouldn't want me? Maybe he didn't like screwing me, but he was good at it too. All the right things. All the right words. I opened my legs like a whore getting a hundred dollars."

Heero tightened his arms. "Don't say that! Don't think it. Don't make your feelings cheap and disgusting. They weren't. You did everything right. You wanted love. You gave love. He was the bastard."

Duo tried for a chuckle, but it came out grating. "Next we'll be having tea and biscuits and reading romance novels." He bowed his head in embarrassment. "I'm supposed to be tough. A gundam pilot."

"You're human," Heero told him, turning him so that Duo had to look at him. "That's what I've learned about myself. That's why I'm not going on Une's mission, why I'm going back to the beach. I'm human, Duo, and I don't intend to live the life of a machine, waiting for the next mission, until my empty life sucks that last breath out of me. I don't want that for you either. I want, more than anything else, for you to come with me."

Heero turned away and began taking the photos off the wall.

"You won't, though," he continued as he packed them. "You can't trust me."

"Who says I can't?" Duo asked wistfully. "Who says that you haven't been the only person that I have ever trusted? You've never betrayed me. You never did less than tell me like it was. You're not a delusion Heero. You're gundanium bed rock."

Heero went still, photos curling in his hands as they shrank to manageable sizes for packing. Could he believe that? Heero couldn't see how those words could be true. He didn't want to call Duo a liar, though. He wanted too badly for those words to believe. He understood, then, with painful clarity. "You lied to yourself."

It took a long moment and then Duo took a shuddering breath and replied shakily, "Yeah. That's hard to admit. Hard to see that I was that damned desperate. I ignored every clue, every sixth sense, everyone who wondered why I was hooking up with a guy who didn't seem to match anything that I said I admired in a man. I just... wanted... needed. With you here, so close..." He took another shuddering breath. "I can see it clear as day, all the things I ignored. He wasn't really that good, Heero. I just made it easy for him."

Heero stopped himself from crushing the photos. he turned to Duo, his heart in his eyes. "Can I... I want... Let me show you what's true."

Duo looked frightened for a split second, nerves strung tight, but then he firmed and nodded. He held out a hand with calloused, blunt fingers; a hand used to weapons and a hard life full of impossible odds against continuing to breathe.

Heero tossed the photos onto his duffel, reached out his own hand, and took it. He squeezed tight and gently pulled Duo closer. "Come with me," he begged.

There was a visible struggle, the warrior reluctant to give up his post, the self sacrificing core that they all possessed wondering what madness was being contemplated. Not give up his life for others? Not be there when he as needed? Live peacefully? Duo was traveling the thorny road that Heero had already traversed. He remembered how painful it had been for himself, especially when others had thought that his running away was cowardice.

"There are others who can do the work, who can sacrifice in your place," Heero insisted. "You have given enough." When he saw the conflict in Duo deepen he had only one other weapon to throw into the fray. "If you were to die on this mission, Duo, Une would feel badly about your death, while filling out forms to replace you with another agent. Preventers would go on. There are agents just as good as we were in our prime. We are not irreplaceable."

"Maybe after this mission..." Duo replied uncertainly.

"There will always be an 'after this mission'," Heero argued. "It's an excuse."

Duo closed his eyes tightly and then nodded. "I'll come. It's... hard for me, though."

"It was hard for me, as well," Heero admitted. He finished packing and put the duffel on his shoulder, his elation hard to contain. He took Duo's hand after to reassure him. "You'll feel regret, guilt, and a powerful urge to come back here. Une will call you, begging you to take another mission."

"You came back," Duo pointed out.

"For you," Heero replied as he gently pulled Duo from the room that he hoped he would not see again. "Just for you."

Duo's anxiety cleared suddenly. "For you I could do a lot of things," he said firmly.

Heero smiled, feeling his heart open up fully for the first time since his terrible misunderstanding. "It will get easier," he promised.

TBC
- 4
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- 6
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Sand Castles