Quatre Winner\'s Diary
folder
Gundam Wing/AC › Crossovers
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
84
Views:
2,969
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gundam Wing/AC › Crossovers
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
84
Views:
2,969
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own this anime/manga, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
April 6th
April: April\'s Fools
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Sunday, April 6th
9:47 pm
It\'s been a long day. A long day where I didn\'t want to do anything more than just stay in bed, but I was in one of those moods. The ones where everything at home makes you think things you don\'t want to remember, so I left. I went for a long drive alone to see my er. er.
Like always, the cemetery was lovely and very well kept. They do a good job keeping everything nice.
It\'d been a while since I was last there, but it didn\'t take long to find her, which isn\'t anything strange. I\'ve been coming here since I was old enough to walk. Any time things become more then I can handle, I\'d go talk to Mom. I know it\'s only her body in the ground, but somehow the act of just being there calms me. Like going to her grave sends some message to her sprit that I need it, and today I really needed it.
I brought flowers along, since it\'s only polite if you\'re going to spill your guts to the dead; tulips. Somehow it seemed appropriate. What kind of flowers are you suppose to bring when you\'re coming out to your dead mother? Tulips were the only thing I could think of.
I told her everything. Everything about my sisters ane bae baby. About coming out to everyone. About Dorothy and sex and how I realized I was gay. Everything about Trowa and the fish and our time together. All my insecurities about having sex and how I look. And I wound everything up with what happened yesterday and how it made me feel. I even told her I think I might be in love with him, but I\'m not sure and I probably won\'t get a chance to find out, since he deserves to be with someone who can take care of him. By the end of it, I was crying. I don\'t cry often, but I did this time. I needed to. It didn\'t help much, but I really did need to cry.
After about an hour of sobbing, I got up and headed home. What I really needed was a hug, but Mom can\'t do that anymore.
I wonder if she ever got a chance to hug me, or if she died even before she got to hold me? I never wanted to ask about it, because it made my other mothers and Dad sad every time I brought her up. They would always say that I\'m so much like her and then get wistful. I\'m sure reliving her last moments on Earth would hurt them even more. Especially since she was painfully hemorrhaging to death. Still, I\'d like to know that she got the chance to hold me just the once. That for one short moment of time, I was embraced by the woman who gave her life to bring me into the world, and maybe that she smiled, just once for me.
I hope that I\'ve made her proud. I\'ve worked hard to try and make her life worth mine, but I have no idea how I\'m doing. What would she think of the man I\'ve become? Would she be disappointed in me? Or would she just want me to be happy?
No one tells me all that much about Mom, bsom rom what I gathered she was a kind soul; very sweet and ng. ng. She could sing and play violin, which is why I took it up. She loved music and water. Her favorite food was tomatoes right off the vine, warmed by the sun and dipped in sugar. She had a ready smile and would rather jump off a bridge than bother you with her problems, but if you needed someone to listen to, then she was there with a dry shoulder and an open ear. Everyone loved her. I\'m sure I would have too if given the chance. But Allah has a plan for us all, and she wasn\'t in mine. I just wisat sat she was. There are times that I really need her.
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Sunday, April 6th
9:47 pm
It\'s been a long day. A long day where I didn\'t want to do anything more than just stay in bed, but I was in one of those moods. The ones where everything at home makes you think things you don\'t want to remember, so I left. I went for a long drive alone to see my er. er.
Like always, the cemetery was lovely and very well kept. They do a good job keeping everything nice.
It\'d been a while since I was last there, but it didn\'t take long to find her, which isn\'t anything strange. I\'ve been coming here since I was old enough to walk. Any time things become more then I can handle, I\'d go talk to Mom. I know it\'s only her body in the ground, but somehow the act of just being there calms me. Like going to her grave sends some message to her sprit that I need it, and today I really needed it.
I brought flowers along, since it\'s only polite if you\'re going to spill your guts to the dead; tulips. Somehow it seemed appropriate. What kind of flowers are you suppose to bring when you\'re coming out to your dead mother? Tulips were the only thing I could think of.
I told her everything. Everything about my sisters ane bae baby. About coming out to everyone. About Dorothy and sex and how I realized I was gay. Everything about Trowa and the fish and our time together. All my insecurities about having sex and how I look. And I wound everything up with what happened yesterday and how it made me feel. I even told her I think I might be in love with him, but I\'m not sure and I probably won\'t get a chance to find out, since he deserves to be with someone who can take care of him. By the end of it, I was crying. I don\'t cry often, but I did this time. I needed to. It didn\'t help much, but I really did need to cry.
After about an hour of sobbing, I got up and headed home. What I really needed was a hug, but Mom can\'t do that anymore.
I wonder if she ever got a chance to hug me, or if she died even before she got to hold me? I never wanted to ask about it, because it made my other mothers and Dad sad every time I brought her up. They would always say that I\'m so much like her and then get wistful. I\'m sure reliving her last moments on Earth would hurt them even more. Especially since she was painfully hemorrhaging to death. Still, I\'d like to know that she got the chance to hold me just the once. That for one short moment of time, I was embraced by the woman who gave her life to bring me into the world, and maybe that she smiled, just once for me.
I hope that I\'ve made her proud. I\'ve worked hard to try and make her life worth mine, but I have no idea how I\'m doing. What would she think of the man I\'ve become? Would she be disappointed in me? Or would she just want me to be happy?
No one tells me all that much about Mom, bsom rom what I gathered she was a kind soul; very sweet and ng. ng. She could sing and play violin, which is why I took it up. She loved music and water. Her favorite food was tomatoes right off the vine, warmed by the sun and dipped in sugar. She had a ready smile and would rather jump off a bridge than bother you with her problems, but if you needed someone to listen to, then she was there with a dry shoulder and an open ear. Everyone loved her. I\'m sure I would have too if given the chance. But Allah has a plan for us all, and she wasn\'t in mine. I just wisat sat she was. There are times that I really need her.