Tourniquet

(Duo POV)

It hurts, that
he feels he can't trust me. But I can't blame him really.
I've practically dropped everything in my life now that all this has
happened.
Quatre brought up an interesting topic the other day. As much of a
moral
thing as finishing school is, none of us really need to. We could all
get
jobs with the Preventers, have action filled lives, or desk jobs, both
are available. Quatre still has plenty of money, but the WEI is kinda,
destructed..... His father made sure of that, and who can blame him?
They've
managed to get things back up and running, but it will take a long time
to get things back like they were, so Quatre has mainly let some of his
sisters and some of the Maguanacs handle it.

Besides, I think
we would all prefer something that helps protect people
and prevent another war than filing papers for a resource satellite.
Well,
I would anyway. Right now though, I'm going for the whole teenager
thing,
school during the day, part time job at the local pizza place and four
hours of sleep each night at the most. But Heero, I just have to wonder
what he's been doing? I know he never got a job, hell, none of us
needed
to, we all were able to keep money we smuggled out of OZ during the
war.(1)

Why did you do
this Heero? Do you think we don't care? God, if only
you knew Heero, I love you so so much, I won't be able to go on if you
can't make it through this. Work was one of the hardest things today,
but
now I'm home, I'll leave for the hospital in a moment, to see if
they'll
let me see you today. Look Heero, I've started talking to you in my
head,
how odd is that?

I just need to
check my email, phone, and change into some normal clothes
that aren't stained with pizza grease.

*ring ring*
"Hello?"

"Duo! I'm so
glad you're there! Did you get any messages on your machine?"

"What?" Why look
at that, I have 2. "Yes, why?"

"Have you
listened to them Duo?"

"No, you kinda
called right before I could."

"Duo."

"Trowa? What
happened to Quatre?"

"The nurse just
told us you have access to see Heero."

"....I'll be
right there."

~~oOo~~

(Heero POV)

I want to sleep
more, why don't they just let me sleep?! This damn person
has been shaking my shoulder for what feels like 5 minutes now! Fine,
if
they don't stop soon, they'll regret it.


5....4....3....2...."Heero! I know you're awake." .....Duo.... shit....

Well, I suppose
I'll have to open my eyes now. But it's so bright! Gah,
my eyes are watering, I must have been asleep for a while...

"Heero."

"Duo...?" I
can't believe it, he seems happy now, why should he be happy?
What is there to smile about in a situation like this?

"Hey, Heero."
Why is he whispering? It's not as though my ears are super-sensitive.
Oh, I did snap at everyone before...... "So, you gonna tell me why I'm
the only one who can see you, not that I mind." He's smiling. But it's
kinda sweet, and comforting, not like before.

"I wanted to see
you."

"You did, huh?
What about the others? They're real worried too you know."

"Don't lie."

"I’m not Heero!
We all care about you so much! Even Sally and the others
want to know what's going on, although I'm not sure why they think
there's
anything wrong."

"They don't
know?"

"No Heero, I
only told Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, and it took me a while
for that even. No one else except the staff knows. So Heero, you gonna
tell me why you did this?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because.....
There's just too much, okay?"

"Well, is it
something I did?"

"No! Yes... I
mean no, it's just, just, well, I can't believe I told
you that at the restaurant. You must think I'm disgusting!" I don't
remember
when I sat up and pulled my knees up, but now I'm hugging them and
hiding
my face, but I don't want to see Duo face, he'd probably blocked that
out
by now... Such an idiot Heero, moron! "Stupid fucking prick...."

"Back to this
again, Heero? Stop beating yourself up would you? Look,
I don't think you’re disgusting for being gay, fuck Heero, it's like a
dream come true! Do you have any idea how long I've had a crush on you?
Hell, I'll never forget that time you fell asleep on the shuttle... God
Heero, don't you get it? We all care about you, I fucking love you
Heero,
please belive me, please!"

Love... me?
No...... No it can't..... No... Oh god.... No.... "Your
lying, you have to be."


"No Heero, I love you, I love you so much!"

"Even after
this?!" Thrusting out my wrist I almost wanted to throw
up right then and there.


"Yes, Heero! This does nothing but make me care for you more! I'm so
fucking mad at myself for making this the way it had to come about, my
confesson should have been so much sooner! But if we work together now,
we can fix everything. We'll put you back together!"

"I'm not BROKEN!
Don't say that! Thre's nothing to fix damn it!"

"Heero, I- I
din't mean, I'm so sorry, Heero. I just-"

"*gasp* Don't
cry, Duo. It's my fault, I shouldn't have snapped like
that."

"No! You had
every right, it was my fault, I shouldn't have said that."

Can this all be
real? God, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do...

"Heero, you
might not want to do that, there is a needle in your arm...."

"Wha- shit!" Why
is it that I never noticed how much that hurt until
he said something?

"Hey, Why don't
you just sit like this..." Actually, I can't say I didn't
at least enjoy a little bit having Duo moving me around. I ended up
with
my knees and below hanging off the bed and my hands limp by my side.
Duo
got up next to me, I suppose he didn't mind his knees resting on a
stiff
metal bar, and said, (2) "I got you a present."

"Why?"

"Because I
wanted to. Look, isn't it cute?" It's a little bear. It reminds
me of the one I wanted to give to Relena...(3) Well, this one is white,
but it has the same basic shape. A lot of bears don't look like this
anymore,
it's soft too. I have a feeling though this isn't the ribbon it came
with..
But this purple looks nice I think... It's has blue marble eyes like
mine...
Well, no, I suppose they're more like buttons, uh, half sphere
buttons....
Oh well.

"Thank you, Duo.
I like it."

"Great! What are
you gonna name it?"

"Name?"

"Yeah,
everything has a name Heero."

"Alright... I'll
name him Odin."(4)

"Odin? That's a
nice name, any special meaning?"

"Yes." I'm not
saying anything else and that's that. He seemed to take
the hint and didn’t push the subject.

"So Heero, did
you want to go back to school? Because as long as you
agree to therapy, we can all join the Preventers Special Unit. Or you
could
just get a desk job if you wanted. Well, even if you still wanted to go
back to school they wouldn't let you until you agreed to have regular
therapy,
school's are like that."

"I'm not going
to stop." Oh god, I can't believe I just said that! I
can't stop fidgeting now, as long as I don't look at him everything
will
be fine.

"What? Heero,
look at me!" Fuck. "Heero. Why?"

"Because. I need
to. I like it; it helps me."

"Heero. Please,
give this a second chance, we can help you. We'll give
you some anti-depresants and you'll see a therapist every week, and-"

"No! Duo, don't
you understand? I don't want to stop! It's who I am,
stop trying to change me!"

"Heero, I'm
sorry, but you can understand that I don't like this, right?
That I don't want you doing this to yourself, Heero. This isn't normal!
There are other ways of dealing with your stress!"

"You think I
don't know that? You need to understand this Duo, this
is who I am, I cut myself, I'm paranoid and neurotic! *gasp* Duo, I
don't
know how to be any other way, and I don't want to learn. I'm so glad
that
you seem to actually give a shit, but trying to change me like this,
it's
just going to blow up in both our faces!"

"Fine. Fine
Heero, I'll do some research, I don't know. But if this
is what you want, I won't say otherwise, just, don't do *this* again.
Promise
me, Heero."

"I can't. What
if you die, or if you decide you don't love me or something?"


"Heero, I don't know the future, but I'd like to believe I'll never
leave you, and if I die, I'd like you to get over it, but if you don't,
there's nothing I can do about it. At the very least Heero, promise me
you won't try this again for at least five years. Please."

Five years?
Well, I suppose that's better than forever. Fine, five years.
"Five years."

"Thank you,
Heero. Now, the woman I talked to said that you’re not stable
enough to go back to living on your own, so how about you come home
with
me? They said you can leave now if you'll agree to go to therapy."

Therapy? I don't
want to do that, but I want to get out of here. Maybe
they'll just try and get me off the track of suicide and nothing else?
But Duo can do that on his own.... Well, how bad could it really be?
"Fine."

"Great, I'll go
see if I can get you checked out, then we'll stop by
your apartment and get some stuff."

Duo walked out
of the room and suddenly,I felt rather odd. Not like
a wieght had just been lifted, but more like I had just added so much
wieght
that now I was six feet under and still breathing.

~~oOo~~


    TBC


~~oOo~~