What's Not to Use?

Chapter 6: Over Used
Pairings: 5x4, 3x4
~*~

It took almost two days, but Quatre was finally safely back on Earth. He wandered around, having miscalculated where the shuttle would land, and was very far away from his mountain estate. After about five hours of hitch hiking and walking, he finally made it to civilization.

The first thing he did when he got to the small town was check into a hotel. When he was in his room, he dived straight for the bed and fell asleep. He slept for three hours, then woke up on his own. Even though the only thing the blonde had done in space was sleep, he still felt incredibly tired and weak. The events of the past few days were taking their toll, and Quatre could only take so much more. He hadn\'t eaten anything since he left the mansion five days ago, making him even thinner and paler.

\"God, I look like shit.\" Quatre laughed at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

The fact that his reflection nodded in agreement didn\'t help him very much either.

He practically limped back to his bed and fell on it, just staring at the ceiling. After about ten minutes, he felt something sharp jab at his thigh. Quatre grumbled and reached in his pocket to find the intruder. When he pulled his hand in front of his face he saw the piece of paper and the computer disk that Zechs had given him right before he left. Having nothing better to do, Quatre pulled out the laptop that he found in the shuttle, and began to access the information on the disk. The blonde was stunned at what he found.

The information was all tactics and statistics, calculations and resources, plans and destinations. In short, it was everything that Quatre was sent to get in the first place.

\"My God...... Why would he give me this?\" Quatre asked in a whisper as he scanned over the information. Then something clicked. \"The note.\" Quatre reached for the paper again and read it out loud so he could hear it.

\"Quatre, this disk contains everything that you probably were looking for. I have given it much consideration, and I come to the conclusion that I am on the losing side of this war. That night also showed me that there is much more to you gundam pilots than I thought possible. You are still the kind and caring person that Noin said you were, and I find that remarkable after everything you have been through. I see that you are incredibly strong willed, and I hope that we do meet again on much better terms. I also hope that, no matter what happens, you understand that I will always be your friend. You are the only person who understood what I am, and for that I\'m eternally grateful. Please take care. Your friend, in war or peace, Zechs Merquise.\"

Quatre blinked in confusion after he finished reading it. He looked it over one more time, but this time his eyes were blurred with tears. When he was finished he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening his eyes, Quatre sighed softly and smiled, clutching the note to his chest. \"Zechs.... You are my friend... And you always will be.....\" he whispered to the air. Then he carefully folded the note back up and placed it in the laptop. After he closed it, he looked around his small room, then came to the conclusion that he had to get back to the mansion and check on Duo. \"But first, I really need to clean up. I feel filthy.\" The blonde boy then headed for the bathroom to take a very long, very warm, shower.

~*~

The trip back to the mansion had been long and tiring for the blonde boy, but he was glad to be back to familiar surroundings. As his large mansion became larger in his sight, Quatre began to pick up his pace on the dirt and gravel road. Soon he stopped on a hill to catch his breath, the mansion now less than a few hundred meters away. Taking a deep breath of the clean cool air, he was instantly grateful for being back on the earth instead of the closed up places he had to stay in on the various shuttles he had jumped onto in space.

Quatre had been happy when he saw Duo\'s gundam still in the hangar, but was also wary because three other gundams were standing next to it. He tried not to think about it as he started to head for the mansion again. The walk so far had been peaceful, and the small Arabian was enjoying the calm of the forest behind and beside him, the only sound being the crunching of gravel under his feet. In no time, he was close enough to see Mary working around the garden, and a certain braided boy helping her.

Quatre smiled brightly and was about yell out for them, but suddenly an arm shot around his waist, and a hand up to his mouth, silencing a startled cry.

\"Now where have you been, my beautiful angel?\" a deep voice purred into Quatre\'s ear.

The blonde froze at the voice, praying to any god to not let it be who he thought it was. As soon as he made his prayer, his captor spun him around, and his blue eyes were locked on a pair of burning black ones. ~No, please no....~ Quatre felt like crying then and there, but held back, knowing he would be beaten if he did.

\"Wufei....\" Quatre breathed out, trying to hide his fear by making his tone deeper.

Wufei\'s hold on him tightened when he heard his name coming from the pale lips. \"Answer my question.\" the Chinese growled harshly.

\"I was getting information on the White Fang\'s future moves and strategies.\" Quatre replied calmly, trying not to squirm in the other\'s tight grip on him.

The Chinese raised a hand to cup his cheek. \"And did you succeed?\" Wufei asked.

Quatre reached with his free hand into a side leg pocket of the jump suit he was wearing, pulled out the computer disk, and held it up to Wufei. \"This has all the information I\'ve found.\" Quatre answered, now feeling grateful that he had left the laptop, with the note still inside, back in the cockpit of his gundam.

Wufei snatched up the disk and looked at it for a second. \"Hmmm.... Very good. Now, I have a few things to discuss with you.\" he stated, slipping the disk in the back pocket of the jeans he was wearing.

Quatre took a deep breath before asking. \"What do you want to discuss, Wufei?\"

\"Me. But not here. I want you to head back for the hangar so we can do this properly.\" Wufei ordered, letting him go and pointing back in the direction of the hangar.

\"Yes, Wufei.\" Quatre bowed his head and began walking back the way he came, biting his lip to hold back more tears that were trying to free themselves.

He figure that if he couldn\'t be free why should his tears be?

~*~

After two painful hours of \'discussing\', Wufei was satisfied and, yet again, left a broken Quatre to put himself back together. The blonde boy could barely walk after his encounter with the Chinese boy, but was able to drag himself to the shower room that was inside the hangar. After he cleaned himself as best he could, Quatre put the gray jump suit back on and proceeded to make another attempt at reaching the mansion. He walked slowly, trying to regain some of his strength back, but he hadn\'t walked twenty feet from the exit when......

\"Quatre....\" a voice called out for him.

Quatre\'s eyes widened and he looked around for the voice, but couldn\'t see anyone, only trees. He hoped against all hope that it was his mind playing tricks on him, so began walking again. After two steps he heard it again.

\"Quatre.... Over here, my kind angel.\" the voice called again, sounding closer.

The blonde froze yet again, now knowing who it was. He turned to his left and saw the tall Frenchman standing by a tree. Quatre swallowed hard and tried to put on a convincing smile. \"Hello, Trowa. How are you doing?\" he asked, still hoping against all hope that the tall pilot just wanted to say hi.

Trowa gave a small smile, causing Quatre to quit fooling himself, and start praying again. \"I\'ll be perfectly fine in a few minutes.\" Trowa purred as he began advancing on the blonde boy.

Quatre just stood there, wanting to run for his life, but staying because his empathy wouldn\'t let him. ~Damnit! I\'m frozen to this spot.... God, he\'s giving me that smile.... Ironic really.... I spent a few months a year ago trying to get him to smile, and now I\'m scared to death every time he does smile. There\'s dramatic irony for ya.~ The blonde continued insulting himself as Trowa continued to get closer.

Soon they were staring into each other\'s eyes

\"I missed you.\" Trowa whispered, slowly letting his hand travel up the gray clad chest.

Quatre tried to keep from getting sick all over the path. ~I bet you missed me... Missed tearing into me until I screamed out your name... Missed making me do all those dangerous kinky stunts that could get me killed....~ He wanted to yell that out, but couldn\'t. \"I missed you too, Trowa.\" he said cheerfully. ~Missed you like I would the black plague...~

He gave that smile that made the blonde want to run for the nearest cliff. \"Then let us catch up over the past few days.\" Wasting no time, Trowa grabbed the smaller pilot by the collar and dragged him off into the woods.

Quatre could do nothing, but try to keep up with the taller boy\'s fast pace, and hope that he didn\'t want to go into detail.

~*~

On two stumbling legs, Quatre finally made it all the way to the front of the mansion. Trowa had wanted detail in their \'catching up session\', and the blonde made up every shred of it so that the French boy would still think that he was the only one that came to him.

Feeling like he could fall over at any moment, his original plans of meeting Duo and Mary were thrown to the curb. Right now all he wanted was to get to his room, lock the door, and calm himself with another scalding bath.

He had gotten into the mansion with little trouble, but kept looking over his shoulder every ten seconds in fear that someone might see him. But, during one of those times, he wasn\'t paying attention to where he was going...

\"Ooofff!\"

Causing him to run right into someone.

Having fallen to the ground from the impact, Quatre was scared stiff to look up, because the person he ran into felt like a brick wall. He kept his blonde head down, trying not to cry in total agony. ~It\'s Heero... It\'s got to be Heero..... Why won\'t they leave me alone?!~

But the voice that greeted him was not the one he expected at all...

\"Are you alright, Master Quatre?\"

Snapping his head up, aqua eyes beheld the tall masculine form of the gentle giant, his dark face looking down at him in concern, and a silent question behind even darker eyes.

\"Rashid!!!\" Quatre yelled in delight and relief. Jumping up from the floor, he rushed to the dark man, throwing his arms around his large rock hard waist, and began crying all of the tears that he had held back for so long.

Rashid, having a guess at what was wrong with his small master, now knew, and was angry at any and all who had hurt the pale boy. At the moment though all he could do was hold the boy close to him and let him cry himself out.

It didn\'t take long before the blonde had worn himself out, and promptly passed out in the large man\'s arms. Lifting him up like he was a delicate crystal, Rashid slowly began to carry him down the hall to his room.

Looking at the very light weight in his arms, Rashid cursed himself for letting the boy ever go out on his own. \"Quatre.... I shouldn\'t have let you leave us.... You were safe with us, we could have protected you from this....\" Opening and closing the door to the boy\'s room without disturbing him, Rashid carried Quatre to his bed, where he was carefully placed on, then covered him up.

The blonde looked so peaceful in his sleep, that even the tear stains on his cheeks could be over looked. But Rashid, on the other hand, was only focusing on the tear stains, having seen ones exactly like them many times before on the same face.

Brushing a few locks of hair away from the pale face, the dark man smiled sadly. \"Only a true savior of mankind would go through such a hell, but carry on with his obligations and responsibilities with a caring manner..... But, I\'m afraid, that you have taken in to a level that even you cannot handle.\" Leaning over, he placed a soft kiss on the slightly damp forehead. \"Sleep well, my prince. Hopefully, I can solve this problem before you wake.\" he whispered.

Standing up, Rashid had a deep frown on his face as he walked to the door. Looking back at his fallen master briefly, he walked out of the room, and headed out to find any and all of the pilots.

He didn\'t have to go far.

\"Yo! Rashid!!\"

Up ahead, Rashid saw the pilot that had stayed with the maguanacs before.

\"Duo.\" he acknowledged, wondering if he could be the one who had hurt Quatre.

The braided pilot walked up to large man, a look of curiosity and confusion plastered of his usually cheery face. \"Rashid, I need to talk to you.\" he stated calmly.

Nodding, Rashid motioned for the American to follow him. Not questioning him, Duo followed silently, knowing that something was wrong around the mansion, but wanted to know the facts.

After a few moments of walking down different halls, Rashid opened the large door of the library, walked in, and waited for Duo to enter and shut the door. Once the braided boy had done that, the dark man went to one of the chairs in the large room, and pointed at the one in front of him out to Duo.

Quietly, Duo took the offered seat, and then all was quiet as they calmly regarded each other.

Finally, Rashid broke the unnerving silence. \"So what did you need to speak with me for, Duo?\" the large man asked, his voice not betraying anything.

Duo tried not to be intimidated by the giant, but it wasn\'t easy. \"Rashid... I need to ask you something....\" he tried to find the right way to ask it. \"I know that you only showed up here yesterday, but I need to know if you think something is wrong with Quatre.\" he asked, trying not to let his mounting concern get the better of him.

Raising a thick brow, Rashid\'s thoughts of Duo being a suspect wavered. \"What do you mean?\"

\"I mean... A few strange things have been happening lately, and it all seems to lead back to him.\" Duo started, unsure how to finish.

Seeing this as a way to understand his master\'s problem better, the large man decided to ask for more information. \"What kind of strange things?\"

Duo rubbed the back of his neck nervously. \"Well... It started about a month ago.. I had just gotten back from a mission and was heading for my room when I saw something very weird...\" he trailed off for a moment. \"I saw Wufei leaving Quatre\'s room, and heard him saying something about telling no one. The other weird thing was a few days later when I had gone to ask Q if he wanted any help with his gundam. He told me no...\" Duo trailed off, a worried expression cracking through his face.

\"How is that odd?\"

Two violet eyes looked up, visibly trying not to let any tears out. \"Rashid, Quatre never refused my help before. Even if didn\'t need it he would still tell me to join him to keep him company.\" he almost cried out, struggling harder than ever to keep calm.

Rashid\'s suspection of the American was gone at that moment. His dark eyes softened on seeing that this boy deeply cared for Quatre, but how deep was a question left for later, right now he needed to know everything. \"Go on, Duo.\"

Scrubbing at his eyes stubbornly, Duo took a deep breath and continued. \"Alright.... There was another time... It was a day that me and Quatre were at the pool... I had gone in for lunch, but I came back out because I didn\'t want to leave him alone..... But when I looked out I didn\'t see him there.\"

\"Maybe he had just gone back in and you didn\'t see him.\" Rashid offered, feeling sympathy for the disstressed boy.

Duo shook his head rappidly. \"That\'s what I thought too, but the moment I turned around and started to walk back, I heard a loud splashing from the pool. I hurried back, and found Quatre clinging on to the side of the pool, and Trowa was walking away into the woods. It was first I had seen Trowa in weeks.\" He paused for a breath. \"I wanted to go out and help Q, but he was already up and out before I could move. So I just walked back to the dining room to wait for him, but he never came to lunch, or dinner that day.....\" A tear escaped his eye and streamed down his cheek.

\"Is there anything else, Duo?\" Rashid asked in a calming tone.

Nodding, Duo continues. \"Yeah... Like I told you yesterday, Quatre had been sent on a mission a few days ago. Well the day before yesterday Quatre sent in a live transmission on the computers in here.\" he pointed to the computers at the far wall \"And well... He seemed so tired and weak when he called. The way he said goodbye was like he would never see me again.\" Duo bowed his head and shuddered at the thought of it. \"And today.... I was helping Mary in the garden, and, when I looked up, I saw Quatre being dragged off towards the hangar by Wufei. A few hours later, Wufei had come back, but Quatre was still gone. So I headed out to check on him. When I was almost at the hangar, I saw Trowa talking with him, so I headed back here, thinking he was alright....... Then a few minutes ago I watched him walk in, looking as if he kill over any second, then saw him run into you.....\" He lifted his head, a few more tears leaving his eyes. \"Please, Rashid, tell me what\'s wrong with him....\" The American pleaded desperately.

Rashid was disheartened greatly to see the most cheerful of the pilots be brought to tears. He wanted to tell the braided boy all of what he knew, but he knew that it would upset him more, and he would be hurting Quatre at the same time. ~This is most troublesome.... What can I do to solve this?... The only way that I could tell Duo the truth is if he really lo.... That\'s it..~

With plan in mind, the large man began. \"Duo, I will tell you all that I can, but first I want you to tell me something.\" he started calmly.

\"What?\" Duo asked eagerly, willing to tell anything if it would help the blonde boy.

\"What are the exact feelings that you hold for Quatre?\" Rashid asked, hoping he was right.

Duo\'s jaw dropped. \"What does that..\"

Rashid held up a hand for him to be silent. \"Duo, I care greatly for Quatre. He is like a son to me. The only way that I can trust you with what is truly wrong is if you can answer this simple question. How do you feel about Quatre?\" he asked again, a serious expression on his face, but hope filled his eyes.

Duo was speechless for a moment. He was a little afraid of what Rashid might do, but he had to know what was wrong with Quatre. Bowing his head, and closing his eyes tightly, he answered. \"I love him.... I love him more than anything.....\" he whispered, then waited for what was to come.

Nearly falling out of his chair from relief, Rashid had to be sure. \"Are you certain that is the way you truly feel for him?\" he asked again, not wanting to make a mistake.

He nodded his head. \"Yes... At first I wasn\'t sure, but I do truly love him.\" He slowly lifted his head, tears now falling freely. \"He was the first to ever really care about me. He knows about my past, but still he did everything he could to help me. Heh, he even stayed up all night sometimes just to listen to me tell my troubles.\" Duo looked at Rashid seriously. \"Please, I will do anything to help him. Just tell me what\'s wrong so I\'ll know what to do!\" he cried out, the thought of Quatre suffering alone was tearing him up inside.

\"Duo, please calm down.\" Rashid said in a hushing tone. \"You getting hysterical will not help Quatre at all. Now if you want to help him, you have to be calm and understanding. I will tell you everything now, but you must remain calm. And after I am done, you shouldn\'t go rushing to his side. Things must go slow if you want him to get better.\" he warned, knowing that worrying over Quatre constantly would only make things worse for the blonde.

Nodding again eagerly, Duo was almost on the edge of his seat, waiting and preparing for the worst.

Taking a deep breath, Rashid began from the beginning. \"You know about Quatre\'s empathic capabilities, don\'t you?\" He saw Duo nod. \"Well, they go much deeper than just being able to sense when someone is in pain. He can take away a person\'s pain as well. Finding everything painful moment that they have lived through, and taking it into himself, making himself live through those times again. But it is the way that he has to do it that is slowly killing him.\" He paused to collect his thoughts. \"In order to get past the mental blocks that people place around their painful experiences, Quatre has to have them clear their minds of everything, and have them concentrate on one thing. Unfortunately, the only way, that most people have found to their liking, is by sexual intercourse.\" he stated, remembering the day that Quatre had come to tell him.

Violet eyes grew wide. \"You mean he... He had to...\" Duo couldn\'t finish.

Rashid nodded solemnly. \"Yes, Quatre had to have sex with them in order to do it. The knowledge of this did not escape his father, and he was the first to force Quatre to do this when he was four.\" he told him, knowing his reaction.

On hearing it, the braided boy\'s hands gripped the arm rests of the chair tightly, his knuckles turning pure white. \"That sick bastard!!! To his own son!!\" Duo exclaimed, angrier than he thought possible.

The large man let him express his anger, thinking it better if he gotten over it now rather than later. \"His father was not the only one who found out about this. As he grew older, his beauty and gentleness drew many to him. But, because of his strong empathy, he could never fight back. Could never say no even when the people were nearly killing him. Many times, when he was first with us in the desert, he would return late at night completely beaten, and bleeding badly. Myself and the other maguanacs became too worried when we saw the countless scars all over his body, and finally sat him down and demanded that he tell us the truth.\" Rashid stopped and rubbed his forehead, remembering all the tears that night, and only a small portion of them came from Quatre. \"He told us of every encounter he could remember... Of all the pain... All the nights spent in fear in a small dark room that his father kept him locked in..... After we heard him out, we swore that we would do everything in our power to protect him.\" He looked away in shame. \"Evidently it wasn\'t enough.\"

Duo sat in shock from what he heard, unable to imagine how much pain Quatre must have been in over the years. \"And I was going to him to tell my problems.... I had no idea that he was that he was suffering so much...\" Duo mumbled, also feeling shame.

Rashid raised his head, looking at the boy across from him compassionately. \"No, Duo. Don\'t blame yourself for this. The only reason Quatre let you come to him was because he cares for you. He wanted to help you, but didn\'t want you to know about his past, so he kept it from you. He was probably afraid that you wouldn\'t care for him anymore if you knew the truth. He is greatly ashamed of himself because of this. He thinks it\'s a weakness, when in truth it\'s a great strength.\" he told him softly, knowing that Duo was the key to helping Quatre.

Nodding in understanding, Duo thought of something, something he wished he hadn\'t. \"You said that it was slowly killing him... How?\" he asked, needing to know.

The large man sighed deeply. \"Duo, Quatre is an empath. He lives off other people\'s emotions. If he continues to give of himself constantly, but get nothing in return, he will eventually burn out. He needs the emotions of someone that loves him. That\'s what\'s been missing in his life. Love freely given with nothing expected in return.\" Rashid then stood, still looking down at Duo. \"I love Quatre like he was my son, but that isn\'t enough. He needs the kind of love that only a person who is willing to be there by his side for him. A person that will do anything for him. And as far as I\'m concerned, right now that person is you, Duo. He needs you. Be mindful that you can\'t bring this all at him at once. If you want Quatre to get well, you have to be patient, and be willing to help him through the pain, no matter how difficult it may seem.\" he finished, waiting for Duo\'s answer.

Duo looked up at him for a moment, thinking of what he should do. ~Quatre... He gave me so much.... Helped me through those tough times... Showed me friendship.... Made me feel loved... Time to pay back the favor... With interest.~ \"Of course I\'ll help him. I\'ll do anything I can to help him, I\'ll stay with him as long as he needs me, and even after.\" the braided boy stated strongly, standing up as well.

Rashid gave a smile and nodded in approval. \"Good. Now don\'t let on that you know everything. That will just make him feel more ashamed about himself. Try to get him to open up to you willingly, that way he\'ll think that he\'s telling you on his terms. And above all, go slow. Pushing him into anything will hurt him more than help him.\" he warned, knowing that Duo will do everything just the way the blonde boy needs it.

The braided boy nodded obediently. \"I\'ll try to help him the best I can, but I need to ask you one thing.\" Duo brought up suddenly.

\"What?\" Rashid asked curiously.

\"Why did you have to tell me everything so bluntly?\" Duo asked with a slight chuckle.

Rashid smiled again. He stepped over to Duo and placed a large hand on his chestnut hair and ruffled it affectionately. \"Because... Since I told you so plainly, you won\'t be shocked that much by whatever Quatre tells you. This way you can take more time to listen and help him, rather than to calm down your own anger.\" he explained, able to see what Quatre would like in this boy. ~If this boy cannot help Quatre, then Allah be merciful.~

\"Oh.. Well, thanks, Rashid, for letting me know how to help him. It means a lot that you trust me with this.\" Duo stated honestly, smiling up at him.

\"Duo, if you can help Quatre, it will all be more than worth it. I\'m trusting you with his care....\" His expression grew soft. \"Do what you feel will best help him. I\'m leaving it up to your judgement, don\'t disappoint me.\" he warned, giving a mock glare.

Duo suddenly laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. \"Hey! I might be a bit reckless, but I\'m not suicidal! I\'m sure if I made Q sniffle you\'d have me tethered to two mobile suits going in opposite directions faster than I would know what hit me.\" he stated, still wary of what the giant might do.

Rashid let out a small chuckle and smirked. \"You better believe it. Now go on. Let Quatre be for the moment. He needs his rest.\" he dismissed him, glad to see that he knew what the punishment would be brutal if Quatre was ever hurt.

Nodding, Duo left the library quietly, wondering what he should do in the future, leaving Rashid to wonder about something different. ~Alright, Duo couldn\'t possibly be the one who hurt Quatre, that means one, if not all, of the other three... Now who should I go after first.....~

Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, his decision was made quickly for him....

\"Rashid... I have a confession to make...\" a voice spoke out.

Looking up Rashid blinked in shock as Heero walked out from behind a bookshelf, a guilty expression on his face, and regret and shame filling his thoughts.

~*~

TBC