Acting As If� (A Passion Play in Five Acts)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam boys, I just like to imagine them in my own little world (which is totally of my imagining). No profits are made from this story, just gratuitous pleasure.

Summary: Everything was so great between us during the war that I could hardly believe it when he left me without even a word once it had ended. It was only with the help of my friends that I kept from going off of the deep end, but the hurt never eased. I kept living, but I felt as if I was in a play, ‘acting as if’ my heart had mended and I had moved on, but that’s all it was, an act. Now, Trowa and Quatre are finally tying the knot and everyone is attending. Everyone except HIM. And I’ll be there, alone, except in my dreams. Or will I?

Rating: NC-17

Warning Codes: Angst,anal,m/m,waff,yaoi,h/c,COMPLETE,

Pairings: 1x2

Author’s note: Encore: Heero and Duo's reunion. A peek at their wedding night.

I wasn’t really happy with the way the story ended so abruptly, so I decided to add a little encore to it. I hope it wraps things up a little better.

Feedback is appreciated. Your feedback is your gift to me. My gift to you is the story. I hope that you have enjoyed reading it, and that I kept you enchanted with my little passion play.


Encore

I don’t remember much of the end of the reception, I was in too much of a daze. When Heero finally decided that we’d spent enough time kissing, he led me into the large drawing room where all of our friends waited. Trowa had a smug look on his face and Quatre was beaming. ‘Fei smiled softly at me, his arm around a grinning Sally. Hilde smiled a sad smile at me and I could almost feel her heart breaking as she finally accepted that I would never return the feelings that she had for me. But I know that inside she had to be happy for me now. Even Relena’s face had a radiant glow to it. She had been right. Everything had come full circle and now I could start to mend. I could start to live again.

We drank a toast and everyone hugged me and congratulated us, and it started to feel like one of my dreams once more. I felt so dizzy, I was clinging to Heero desperately, hoping against hope that if this was a dream that I would never awaken from it. Then he looked into my eyes and spoke. So it had to be real, in my dreams he never spoke to me.

“Shall we go up to your room, baby?” Heero whispered in my ear, and I could only grin and nod happily.

Heero bade everyone a good night, and swept me up into his arms, heading up the stairs to my room. I didn’t even wonder at the fact that I didn’t need to tell him which way to go. I knew that he had been there too many times with me already to need directions. So I nestled my head into the crook of his neck while his strong arms held me tight, and I let him sweep me away on my cloud of bliss.

~*~

Once in my room, he set me gently to my feet and pulled me into his arms for another soul searing kiss. He seemed intent on burning himself into my very being, and I was content to let him. I molded myself to his body, wishing that this moment would never end. But all good things must end sometime, and this one ended when we ran out of air. All in all, I must say that had to be the most satisfying kiss that I’d ever had. It was a kiss that promised me that I would never have to be alone again, a kiss that told me off all of the deep and abiding love that this man had for me, and a kiss that returned that love completely. And when I looked into his deep blue eyes, I could see them reflecting all that the kiss had promised me. I sighed in happy contentment, secure in the knowledge that I was, indeed, loved.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Heero started to unbutton my jacket, all the while his lips were gently playing across the skin of my neck. My hands reached for his necktie, loosening the knot, then using the tie to pull him closer to me. Our bodies met and the heat was almost unbearable. I could feel his heart beating against my chest as he slipped the jacket off of my shoulders and our lips met in a sweet, gentle kiss. My eyes slid closed as his tongue sought permission to enter my most willing mouth, and soon it was gently stroking the insides of my mouth and playing a delightful game of tag with my own tongue.

His hands had stopped undressing me to wend their way up into my hair, fisting gently in it and holding my face captive. Not that I had any intentions of trying to escape from his tormenting mouth. I moaned softly and he broke away with a smile.

“That’s nice, is it?” he asked, then didn’t bother to wait for a reply as his mouth descended to recapture mine.

Then his hands loosened their hold and slid down my shoulders to the buttons on my shirt, starting to bare my skin to the heat of his mouth. He kissed his way down my neck, once more stopping at the marks he had left the night before, touching them gently with his lips before continuing his way down to my collar bone. He sucked and nipped at it gently, and I knew I would be bearing many of those red marks before the night was over. Heero, it seemed, was intent on marking me as his completely. Not that I minded. I already belonged to him, heart, soul and body. He was just making his claim visible.

My shirt followed my jacket to the floor and one of his hands found a tender nipple, while his mouth took the other hostage. I could only moan and gasp at the sensations that were coursing through my body at this point. My hands grasped ineffectively at his shoulders, wanting to help in the undressing process, but they didn’t seem to want to function properly, perhaps because my brain was incapable of sending them the proper commands. My brain, it appeared, had taken leave of my head, and I could only whimper in need and helplessness. But Heero was far from helpless. While his mouth was busy with my chest, his hands had slid to my hips and then around to the waistband of my pants, one to the front to palm my growing erection, the other to the back to kneed and caress my ass. I’m not sure which felt better, but I knew I didn’t want him to stop any of it in the near future.

The next thing I knew, he had my pants and boxers down around my ankles and he was kneeling at my feet. I felt his warm breath bathe my engorged cock and I almost screamed at the sensation. Then his hot mouth engulfed me and I did scream. I couldn’t help myself. I could feel my knees weakening and my hands grasped his shoulders to keep me from falling. I knew it wouldn’t be too much longer that I could keep myself upright, and I held on to him for all I was worth. His mouth slid down the length of my erection, swallowing me to the hilt briefly before moving back up so that he could suck at the weeping head. I was panting so hard from the feeling of his wet, warm mouth on my over heated flesh that I almost orgasmed on the spot. I think he could feel me starting to reach my release, because he abruptly let go of me, pulling me back from the brink of ecstasy. I almost cried, and crumbled into a heap on the floor in front of him. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently and I could taste the bitterness of myself on his lips.

“Not yet, baby. We have a long way to go before the end,” he whispered into my ear as he gently removed my shoes, socks and the rest of my clothes. I could only moan in response, as my vocal chords seemed to have gone the way of my brain. Only my contented heart and raging hormones remained, and they weren’t complaining about anything. Heero laughed.

God, how I loved his laugh. It was something that was seldom ever heard by anyone else. It was something that had never been heard during the war, at least not this gentle lovers laugh. That was for me alone. The rest of the world had been treated to a maniacal laugh that usually scared the wits out of who ever heard it and was often the last thing they heard. For me alone was the soft lovers laugh. I missed that so much. I didn’t realize until this moment just how much I had missed his laugh. And his smile. And his eyes. I forgot just how easily I could get lost in his eyes, just the way I was doing now. Those eyes that told me that they loved me and me alone.

So lost was I in his gaze, I never really notice that he had picked me up from the ground and placed me on my bed. Only as he was crawling onto the bed beside me did I notice that he had shed the rest of his clothing and his body was now as naked as mine was. Did I ever mention his body? His body is like a work of art. Beautifully sculpted and well muscled, toned and tanned. Where ever he had been, he had been taking care of himself. I don’t think I ever recall his body being in better shape. My hands had ached to touch his soft, silky skin for so long. I’d forgotten just how it felt, like silk over steel. He had the most magnificent body that I think I’d ever seen and I couldn’t wait to begin re-exploring and re-learning every single inch of it. My hands seemed to find a mind of their own, because they began to roam immediately, searching, touching, caressing. It was the single most exquisite feeling that I’d had in such a long time, the feeling of his skin sliding under my wondering hands. I think I could have spent the rest of the night just touching him, but my Heero had other ideas. His hands, it seemed, wanted to get in on the exploring as well. We spent a long time, touching and kissing and just feeling.

I don’t think I knew until just this moment how little I had been feeling for the last few years. It was as if all of my feeling had been locked away. My heart felt like it had been shrouded in ice, and it was now starting to melt. I felt warm, secure, wanted. I had been cold for so long and I never really knew it. It was as if all of my feelings had been locked away from the light the day he left me, and they were now seeing sunshine for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. Suddenly, I felt happy. Happy was a feeling I had almost forgotten. All of the time I had been ‘acting as if’ I was happy, and now I could see that the act could never come close to the real feeling. It wasn’t even in the same universe. ‘Happy’ was not what I was acting. ‘Surviving’ was all I was acting. I wonder if my friends had seen it as well?
Heero pulled my brain back from this little foray, as it had seen fit to rejoin me for the moment, and proceeded to send to flying back to the oblivion from whence it had emerged. Just as well. I really didn’t need it interrupting me and taking me away from the completion I knew I would be experiencing soon enough. I really didn’t want to think right now, anyway. I just wanted to feel. I wanted to feel Heero, and I wanted to feel that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I was happy to wish my brain a bon voyage and sent it packing once more.

And right now what I was feeling was Heero's fingers, well slicked with lube (I’m not sure when that happened, most likely when my brain had distracted me) sliding between the cheeks of my ass, gently stroking across my anus. And it was feeling awesome. All my nerves were singing, my senses focused on the sensations he was sending through my body. As the first finger breached the muscle ring, I flinched a bit, but his mouth found mine and calmed me with a tender kiss. With just the tip of his finger inside of me, he started kissing his way down my body until his hot mouth encountered my straining erection once more. That was all of the distraction I needed. I threw my head back and moaned my pleasure to the ceiling and the invading finger pressed its way into me. It felt so good and I was soon pressing against his hand, wanting more. Heero was happy to oblige me and soon a second, then a third finger joined the first, stretching me carefully, preparing me for the penetration that I so longed for.

“Please,” I gasped. “Please, Heero. I need you.”

“What do you need, baby?” he whispered, teasing me with his fingers as they brushed their way over my prostate, sending vivid sparks flashing before my eyes.

“I need you in me. I need you to make love to me,” I panted, begging shamelessly for what I wanted.

“Since you ask so nicely,” he said, his tongue caressing my ear, “how can I refuse? Are you ready for me, baby?”

“So ready. Do it now, Heero. Take me. Make me yours,” I whispered, staring once more into those gorgeous, hypnotizing eyes, lost in him.

And then I could feel the tip of his cock, pressing against my opening as he knelt between by parted thighs and prepared to take me. My muscles resisted at first, but slowly gave way to the relentless pressure that he put on them, then the head of his cock was in my channel, and he paused, waiting for me to adjust to the initial invasion. A moment later, I pressed up against him, and he resumed his slow, gentle slide, sheathing himself completely inside of me. The burning of his entry was an exquisite pain, and I gloried in the feeling, because it was a real feeling, and I was happy for all of the feelings he was eliciting in me tonight, even this small initial pain. But soon the pain receded, and I was ready for more. I wrapped my legs around the back of his thighs and encouraged him to start moving with a heated kiss.

He moved slowly, gently, rocking in and out of me, just a little bit at a time, at first, then deeper and stronger as I started to move against him in response. Soon we were coming together hard, gasping and panting, my nails digging into the flesh of his back and his teeth biting into the flesh of my shoulder. It had been so long that I knew I wouldn’t last long. I didn’t even need the added help of his hand on my engorged cock to encourage me to come. The friction of his skin was enough to send me flying into orgasmic bliss. I came, and came hard, the hot fluid pulsing out of the tiny opening of the head of my cock, bathing both of us in its stickiness. I could feel the muscles in my passage clamping down on his cock, holding him delightfully hostage to my climax. Another hard thrust or two from Heero, and I could feel him coming deep inside of me, his hot passion coating the sensitive walls of my channel and bathing my prostate.

Heero collapsed on top of me, his sweat mingling with mine, his hot breath on my neck. My arms tightened around him, not wanting to lose him from inside of me, but I could feel his softening cock starting to slip out of my back passage. I felt a pang of loss as he rolled off of my exhausted body, but he pulled me close to him, cuddling me and kissing me, and I knew that this wasn’t a dream that I was going to be awakening from, alone and bereft.

“That was amazing, baby,” he said in a low, sleepy voice. “You don’t know how many time I dreamed of doing this with you. This was so much better then any dream.”

“I dreamed about it, too.” I replied. “You’re all that I ever dreamed about. You’re all that I ever wanted. Thank you for coming back to me.”

“I could never stay away from you,” he said. “You’re too deep inside of me. I love you, Duo Maxwell, always and forever.”

“I love you, too, Heero,” I replied simply, my heart beating contentedly, my hormones satisfied and my brain returning from it’s brief sabbatical. My eyes started to slid closed and I felt comfortable, warm and safe. I wasn’t asleep, just content to lie next to my lover and feel.

~*~

It was much later and Heero and I lay together in my bed, having roused ourselves to shower after very satisfactorily consummating our union. I was lying with my head on his chest, making little designs on it with my fingers.

“So, how did you manager all of this?” I asked, curious.

“It wasn’t easy, but I had a lot of help from WuFei and Trowa,” he smirked. “They’re great at keeping secrets and doing missions that take a lot of planning and finesse.”

“So, are you going to tell me where you’ve been? Why you left? You know, all of the stuff that made me want to die?” I asked darkly.

“Later, baby. That’s a story for another time, not here in our wedding bed. Trust me, I didn’t go willingly, but it was something I had to do,” he replied, and kissed the top of my head.

“You were stalking me,” I said, changing the subject, knowing he would talk no more about it right now.

“Once I was back, I couldn’t stay away, but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise,” he said sheepishly.

“I thought I was going crazy,” I whispered against his neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I know, baby. I missed you, too,” he said pulling me closer to him. “But you’ve got me for good now. I love you, Duo.”

“I love you, too and I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” I swore.

Then his mouth took mine and there was no more need for words. And there was no more need to ‘act as if’, because from this moment on, I would never have to act again.

The play was over, all of the bows had been taken, the curtain had fallen for the final time and the actors had left the stage. The lights went out for the last time, the theater was empty and dark. This show was finally at the end of it’s run. There would be no more presentations. There would be no more encores.


~Fini~

Thanks for reading, I hope your visit was a good one.