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The More I Learn to Care For You: Ed's POV	By : squallstorm Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3037 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Disclaimer: I don't
own...Willing to marry into the family though.

Roy's
dialog belongs to ZaKai. Be sure to check out Roy's POV for his side
XD

This
is my favorite chapter thus far. I'm 'dying'
to know what you think of it! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Chapter
06

Ed
shifted under the covers. The dream was an old one, full of pain and
fear from that
night; the night he made the biggest mistake of his life. Human
transmutation; forbidden in this country, but to a small child, laws
have little, if any, meaning. Al was with him, whole and small,
watching him with trusting eyes; following his lead as they prick
their fingers letting one drop each of blood fall into the pan.

They
both lean on their hands, pressing into the circle that Ed has drawn
so carefully. The energy flares around them; bright and beautiful to
behold. There's so much power, that Ed momentarily forgets that they
are trying to re-create their mother.

Fear
grips a hold of him as the reaction starts to rebound. The whole
dream is about fear, and the darkness trying to envelope him,
caressing him. Something he's not felt or dreamt of in a long time.
Something that makes his stomach roll painfully, biting at his
insides. Groaning, Ed rolled over onto his side, burrowing into the
warmth beside him for comfort. Before the dream can take hold, Ed is
being shaken.

“Hey...”
murmured Roy.

Coming
slowly awake, Ed groaned as the pain made itself known to his
conscious self. Drawing his knees up and into his chest helped to
ease the discomfort some, but it still gnawed at him. A warm hand
palmed Ed's forehead, while another rubbed circles into his bare
back.

“Edward...”
Roy whispered.

“Fuck...”
grimaced Ed, panting in agony as he curled up even tighter. What was
wrong with his stomach? Could this all be a result of worry? He
wished it would just go away and leave him alone. Roy wiped his
forehead for him, and he felt him shift the pillow above him.

“What's
going on?” Roy whispered, sounding concerned.

Ed
cracked an eye open and looked up into Roy's hovering face. “My
stomach's fucking trying to kill me...” whined Ed, feeling like
he'd much rather have Pinako or even his mother rather then Roy right
now. Roy was no good when he was feeling under the weather, but as
they say 'beggars can't be choosers'. Even as he lay there, the
pain began to ebb, letting Ed relax again. When it spiked like that
it was pretty bad, he much preferred the dull, in the back of your
mind type pain that it was becoming now.

“What
did you eat for breakfast?” Roy asked with a frown.

Swallowing,
Ed cast about for something he could say. “Nothing. I
haven't—” Ed cut himself off before he went too far.
He didn't want to tell Roy he was weak and hadn't eaten because he'd
been upset over how they'd been these last three weeks. It was too
much like how a kid would act, and he didn't want Roy to notice, or
tease him.

He
was trying to act more
responsible for his actions and how others reacted to him. He was
responsible, of course. He'd taken responsibility for his past
mistakes and fixed them, but this was different. This was trying to
work within a relationship, with another person who wasn't his
brother. It was just plain hard though, but after three weeks, it
seemed to him that he'd made at least some progress...or he hoped. I
mean, don't I get credit for not beating Roy sooner when we had that
misunderstanding?
thought Ed.

“Okay,
well, maybe it's what you ate for dinner last night.”

Feeling
very sheepish about why he wasn't eating, Ed averted his eyes.
“Yeah, maybe...” Reaching out Ed laid his arm across
Roy's chest to try and coax him back down beside him so that he could
cuddle into Roy's body. “How's the head? Sorry I woke you...”
said Ed, trying to shift the focus away from him. Roy was the sick
one, not him. He could deal with this later.

“The
head still hurts, but it's not too bad. Well if you didn't eat
breakfast, that's probably your problem,” said Roy, holding
onto the topic and not letting it go.

Ed
figured he was right at least on some level, but the accumulation of
two and a half days without food was closer to the truth. He didn't
want to even imagine what Roy would say to him if he found
that
out. He really felt like Roy was trying to play his father when he
scolded him like that, and he didn't need that right now. They just
made up, and he didn't want to rock the boat anymore today.

“Why
didn't you eat breakfast anyway? You're usually starving by the time
you get up,” wondered Roy after a short pause.

“I
couldn't...I...” Ed brushed his hair back over his shoulder.
“I rushed over to the office to talk to you and then came over
here...so, don't worry about it. I'll be fine,” said Ed,
smiling up at Roy. Ah! Roy was going to try and make him say sappy
stuff. He hated sappy stuff. It made him feel like a girl, and Roy
would enjoy that too much. Roy just stared at him quietly.

“You
rushed over to the office...? You must be sick... You didn't eat
breakfast, and
you showed up to work early?” Roy placed a hand back over Ed's
forehead, making Ed smirk fondly. “Well, you don't have a
fever,” said Roy, wiping his hand on the pillow. “You
wouldn't be sweating this much if you did. I think you need to eat
something,” Roy concluded and swung his legs over the side of
the bed and presented his pale back for Ed's scrutiny.

Well,
maybe Roy could be just as good as Pinako at playing nurse maid,
Ed thought. But food...nuh ah. “I only went to talk with you.
Really it's okay, I don't think I can handle food right now,”
Ed said, sticking out his tongue at the thought of trying to force
something down his throat. Folding his legs under him, Ed reached
out and placed a hand on Roy's arm to stop him from getting up.
“It'll go away soon, I'm sure,” Ed soothed.

Now
that they had come to an understanding, Ed could continue with his
plans and show Roy that he really could be an adult about this
relationship. He wanted
to show Roy that. Taking him for granted was something Ed was guilty
off as much as he had with his mother, but apparently he hadn't
learned his lesson that well, because here he was doing it all over
again.

Twisting
around, Roy stared at him quietly for several moments. Ed smiled
softly under the scrutiny, wondering what was running through Roy's
mind then. He looked so contemplative.

“You
don't want food?” Roy asked in disbelief. Ed shook his head
no. “When did you last eat?”

“I
don't know,” Ed hedged, buying time. “Come on, lay back
down,” said Ed, pulling on Roy's shoulder. If he could just
make Roy lay down with him, well...maybe he'd work up the courage to
tell him why he hadn't been eating...maybe not. “It's gone,
so don't worry about it, okay? Come back to bed.” Pleading
with his eyes, Ed gave Roy's shoulder another slight tug. “Come
on, I'd be honored
to
have you come back to bed,” teased Ed, smirking at Roy. Huh,
seems his sub-consciousness wanted to needle Roy a bit, cause he
didn't mean to bring up their argument from before. Hopefully Roy
wouldn't take it the wrong way.

Roy
faced away from Ed and ran a hand through his tousled hair. Ed
watched him intently, taking in the board back, and watching the
muscles flex and stretch. He almost wished he could be eloquent at
least once so that he could tell Roy just how beautiful he was to
him, but he never thought stuff like that out. It was always with
his gut, leaving his brain to pick up the shattered pieces. Plus
he'd just come off sounding like a girl.

As
Roy shifted around, Ed focused his gaze on his face, sweeping down
the side of his cheek to rest on those wonderful lips of his.
Crawling across the mattress on his hands and knees, Roy pushed him
down onto his back and he didn't bother to fight it. His heart beat
was already speeding up in anticipation for whatever Roy had in mind.
He wouldn't even care that it wasn't sex, because it was Roy who was
doing it to him.

Watching
through slitted eyes, Ed couldn't help the soft sigh as Roy straddled
him across his hips. In this position...he could take Roy...if he
ever let him. What would it be like to sink into his body like Roy
did to him? It was an incredibly hot image that made him want to
reach down and stroke himself fully erect. When Roy's eyes and hands
started to wonder over his naked body, no amount of him touching
himself could make him hard as fast as that did.

“Is
this what you want Ed?” Roy murmured as he leaned in to kiss
along Ed's throat. One hand tweaked his nipple making Ed sigh with
pleasure, while Roy's other hand cupped his groin.

“Yes,
I want this...” said Ed, arching up off the bed into Roy's
fondling. He could feel his heart hammering under his ribs. All he
wanted was for Roy to be like this with him; touching,
kissing...even...loving. Tilting his head to the side to grant more
access to Roy's mouth and tongue, Roy licked his way down leaving a
wet trail down to his other nipple, drawing it into his mouth.

“AH!”
cried Ed as the warmth enveloped his hardening nub, making him arch
once more. He wondered if Roy knew just how much
he enjoyed it when he touched him here. “Roy...” moaned
Ed, bringing his hands up to run through the back of Roy's head to
encourage him.

No
matter how lost he got in the stimulations that Roy gave him, he was
always mindful of his auto-mail, and this time was no less important
as he took care not to rub all of Roy's soft hair out. He kinda
liked it. More then anything, he wanted to kiss Roy, to tell him
again that he was sorry, but Roy resisted when he tried to pull him
up to his lips.

Ed
frowned. He was just about to ask what was wrong with Roy when the
hand on his nipple reached across the bed, pulling open the
nightstand drawer without releasing his other nipple from his mouth.
Ed watched eagerly as Roy fumbled through the drawer looking for the
lube, and his protests died on his lips. They'd kiss later. A few
moments later, Roy had finally located the bottle and was pushing
back on his heals between Ed's legs, spreading him.

Feeling
like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room, Ed let his mouth hang
open, and his hands fall to the bed. He was feeling incredibly
exposed right now. He swallowed, and took a shaky breath. The
passiveness of Roy's even gaze seemed to be inconsistent with what he
was doing to him, but Ed didn't have the will to question him about
it right now. He was wondering how far Roy was going to take this,
if he got the lube out.

Flicking
open the cap of the bottle and squeezing some lube onto his fingers,
Roy glanced down between Ed's legs and pressed his finger against the
tight ring of muscle, pushing in.

“This
is what you want, right, Ed?” said Roy quietly.

The
sweet burn of entry made Ed's toes curl in appreciation. “Yes...”
sighed Ed, his eyes rolling closed. “Yes, yes...” he
chanted, shifting on the bed to impale himself further on the finger.
“Roy...”
he
moaned. Ed rubbed his flesh foot along Roy's calf, wanting to touch
him in some way; to show his appreciation of what was being done to
him.

Roy
worked the second finger into his body stretching him further. “Beg
me, Ed. Beg me to fuck you. Convince me that this is what you
want,” stated Roy, glancing up from his work to look Ed in the
eye.

Ed
groaned aloud. “Roy, please, I want you to fuck me, please,”
he begged. It had been far too long since they had last done this.
His whole body seemed to vibrate with anticipation. He might cum
just from this alone. “I'll do anything. I need you, please,
I want your cock inside me,” pleaded Ed, swallowing hard to try
and reign in his racing heart beat.

Roy
hummed to himself, or so it seemed to Ed, and then inserted a third
finger. Despite how great this felt, something in the tone of Roy's
voice seemed off. Maybe it was just his hangover acting up, causing
him pain.

“Would
you tell me what I wanted to hear to get what you want?” asked
Roy, moving the fingers around.

Ed
groaned. “Yesss...” he hissed in response to what Roy
was doing to him. Bloody hell that felt good. “I...god
damn...just do it, please!” He couldn't help it, he was
shaking so hard. He just wanted to feel Roy moving inside of him.
He wanted friction.

Removing
his fingers from his ass, Roy picked up the bottle and squirted some
lube into his hand to spread along his ridged cock, and then
proceeded to maneuver Ed into a position of his liking. Pulling Ed's
legs up onto his shoulders, with one swift motion, Roy plunged into
Ed with a grunt. Breathing hard through his mouth, Ed closed his
eyes and forced his body to relax and to accommodate Roy. While Roy
normally took his time, easing into him slowly, he didn't mind at
all right now. It was sort of nice that he was being rough after
having been without for so long.

Holding
onto Ed's thighs, Roy panted, “Tell me, Ed. Tell me what you
want from me.”

Panting
through his mouth, Ed let the last of his tension release from his
body, finally able to feel comfortable with Roy inside him. Rolling
his hips, Ed looked up at Roy still kneeling on the bed, signaling
his readiness. “Move,” commanded Ed in response to Roy's
question. “Fuck me, just move!” exclaimed Ed, reaching
out for Roy with both his hands.

“Is
that it?” asked Roy, looking down at him.

“Is
that it?” parroted Ed, confused. What was Roy on about now?
Making him think at a time like this was insane. His out stretched
hands pulled back slightly in response to uncertainty. Oh! He meant
what else for sex. Roy was really throwing him off today. “Kiss
me. Hard,” he instructed. He stared at Roy's lips in
anticipation, and shifted again.

Roy
grabbed his flesh hand and placed the kiss Ed wanted into his palm
rather then on his lips like he had meant for it to go. Before he
could even protest, Roy released his hand and gripped his leg while
the other hand went down to his cock quickly erasing any complaint he
might have had as Roy began to move.

The
sensations, both within, and out, washed over Ed making him lose
himself. He gripped at the bed sheets in an effort to anchor himself
to something. Even though he had released earlier this morning,
Roy's forceful thrusts and stroking conspired against his wishes to
make this last as long as possible, and he felt himself approach his
assent.

“I'm...going...to...”
gasped Ed, unable to take the pleasurable assault any longer. He
closed his eyes in painful bliss as he came hard. Roy stopped his
thrusting, allowing Ed to enjoy his post orgasmic glow. When, after
a few moments, Ed began to breath normally, Roy grabbed his other leg
and started to thrust again.

Faster
then before, Roy moved. Ed, gasping with each thrust, arched his
neck into the pillow. Roy seemed to be close to his completion, and
he moaned aloud. Ed could feel the essence fill him up. He couldn't
even work up the energy yet to open his eyes, but Ed's lips smirk
when he heard Roy's heavy sigh. Seems he missed this just as much as
he did.

“I
thought—not that I'm complaining—but...” Ed said,
opening his eyes to smile contentedly up at Roy. His mouth hung open
in a silent gasp as Roy pulled out, and put his legs back to the
mattress. Instead of lying down beside him like he normally would,
Roy was up and walking over to the bathroom. Ed's only thought was
maybe he'd done himself in by the sex and was going to get sick.

“Are
you hungry now?” asked Roy in a neutral tone before entering
the bathroom. Ed could hear the opening and closing of the cabinets.

“No,
not really,” replied Ed, his voice softened with sated bliss.
“Are you coming back?” When he didn't get an answer, he
tried again. “Are you okay? Is your head bothering you?”
Resting on his elbow, Ed watched the bathroom door for Roy's return.

“I
think you should have something in your stomach.” Roy came
back into the room with a roll of toilet paper in his hand that he
threw negligently at Ed, which he snatched out of the air and stared
at Roy confused. “It's not normal for you not to be hungry,
and stomach pains might be a sign that your body is unhappy with you
depriving it,” finished Roy.

Even
though Roy said this in his normal easy tone of voice, Ed sensed that
something wasn't quite right with how he was being addressed and
treated, but he couldn't decide what was bothering Roy now. They had
made up. They were good, so...what now?

Biting
his lip to keep from railing at him, Ed ripped of a few squares from
the roll. He bowed his head, allowing his hair to hide his face to
give him time to get his hot head under control, and wiped the cum
off his stomach. It definitely wasn't his fault this time because he
all he'd done was fall asleep. Roy moved away from the bathroom door
and picked up his pajama bottoms from where they lay on the floor and
stepped into them. Ed shot a quick glance at him and then returned
to his task.

Then
there was the fact that Roy hadn't kissed him. That was just wrong.
Ed couldn't even articulate to himself why it bothered him so much.
It really just felt off. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed,
Ed took the soiled tissues and roll in hand and headed for the
bathroom. He winched slightly at the ache from his backside, but
quickly covered it. As Ed passed by, he shot a bemused look at Roy's
face.
He
really didn't get it.

Dumping
the tissues in the small trash can by the sink, Ed ripped a few more
squares off and wiped up between his legs also dumping them in the
trash before placing the roll on the back of the toilet and ran his
left hand through his hair, pulling the whole mass back to lay down
along his back. Pivoting on the ball of his foot, Ed crossed over to
the doorway of the bathroom and leaned on the frame regarding Roy who
was now dressed into his pajama bottoms.

“I
don't think I like you drinking, or hung over,” Ed said, trying
to voice his unease. He could feel it. Something had to be wrong.
But he didn't know how to fix it unless Roy told him. His brows came
together slightly with his worry as he watched Roy across the room.

With
a grunt, Roy stepped over to him, and cupped his cheek. Rubbing his
thumb along his face, Roy said, “I don't see what the problem
is. You got what you wanted didn't you?” Letting his hand
fall back to his side, Roy walked over to the bedroom door and out
into the hall. “Come down when you're ready,” Roy said
loudly.

Ed
watched as Roy left, dumbfounded. Something was definitely wrong.
Picking up his scattered clothes, he brought them over to the bed and
began to slowly get dressed. Pulling on his underwear, he looked
around Roy's room. He'd never stayed more then one night at a time,
always heading back to the dorm the next day. Roy had never told him
he couldn't stay longer, but it seemed like an unspoken thing, like
an understanding. He didn't stay. He just got that feeling that Roy
wanted his space, and since he'd never said any different, Ed assumed
that he was right.

Looking
behind him, he saw Roy's coat lying on the floor by the closet and
smiled. Geez, Roy was lazy. Donning his pants, Ed quickly did up
the button and fly, and then crossed the room to hang up Roy's coat
on a hanger. As he placed the coat on the bar, Ed noticed Roy's
uniform. On impulse, Ed brought the uniform down and stuck his nose
into the coarse fabric. Roy's smell was sucked up into his nose
greedily.

He
loved it when, after coming home from spending the night here, he
could smell Roy all over him. In his hair, his clothes, sometimes he
wouldn't wash his shirt for a while as long as it held Roy's scent.
It was so stupid, but he couldn't help it. When did he get to be
such a friggin' sap? Al would laugh at him, he was sure, if he saw
him now.

Feeling
like he'd spent enough time dawdling, Ed replaced the uniform and
walked back towards the bed. Picking up his shirt, he pulled it over
his head and smoothed his sleep tussled hair once more. He looked
around for the tie he had used to secure the end of his braid
unsuccessfully. It was lost to parts unknown now most likely. Oh
well, he shrugged it off. It wouldn't kill him to leave it down. He
left the room and trudged down the stairs, in his sock feet, to see
what Roy was up to.

Rounding
the corner, Ed watched Roy as he fixed a cup of coffee. Roy's head
came up when Ed's mismatched foot steps alerted his presence.
Without turning, Roy lifted his arm and pointed to the counter by the
fridge.

“Drink
it. It will help your stomach.”

Ed
looked in the direction Roy pointed. Milk! Ed shuddered. Did Roy
know
how they got milk from cows? It was disgusting! They had to trick
the cow into thinking she was pregnant and then...gak! As soon as he
had found that out as a kid, he never touched the stuff again.
Unless it was mixed in with something else, then he didn't care. Roy
had to know that he hated the stuff, right?

“I
don't do
milk,” said Ed, glaring at Roy's back. If he didn't know
before he was going to find out now.

“I
did you, so do the milk,” retorted Roy without turning. Roy
poured the coffee from the pot into his mug.

Snorting,
Ed said, “That's not equivalent.” He folded his arms
across his chest and leaned against the door frame. There it was
again; that strange quality to Roy's voice. It was a bit cold, and
he wondered why. In fact, it was starting to get really annoying.

Finally
turning around, Roy frowned at him, steaming mug in hand. “Fine,
Ed. Don't drink it. I'm not your mother.” Grabbing the
muffin from the counter, Roy walked over to the table and sat down.

Okay,
enough was enough. Roy had a broom stick up his ass apparently, and
it was time to find out why. “What the fuck's your problem?
We just had wicked sex and you're acting like a prick!” fumed
Ed, slashing the air in front of him with his growing frustration.
“I know I didn't do anything this time, so what is it!”
Ed stared hard at Roy, trying to read his expressions, but failing.
Roy's face was devoid of any emotions.

Glancing
up at him, Roy slowly took a sip of his coffee. “The milk will
help your stomach. Why are you acting so childish when I'm trying to
help you feel better?” asked Roy calmly.

Ed
bristled. “Don't turn this back on me.” Like, what the
hell did he do anyway? As if! “You know what I'm talking
about. I may have been caught up in the moment, but that doesn't
mean I didn't notice! You wouldn't even fuckin' kiss me.”
That was the worse! Roy never not kissed him. That should have been
the first warning sign, but he got distracted by what Roy was doing
to him.

“You
find the taste of vomit arousing?” asked Roy, sipping from his
mug. “Are you trying to start a fight with me, Ed?” he
asked calmly.

Ed
pressed his lips together into a thin line. No, he wasn't going to
start a fight. If Roy didn't want to tell him, then fine. He'd wait
until he was ready to let him know what was his problem. He would
not
beat it out of him. He was an adult, or at least trying to be more
like one. Although a punch or two would be a faster way to get some
answers. If Roy was taking out his hangover on him, he had another
thing coming.

“I
kissed you when I first got here, you didn't worry about it then.
But fine, I got shit to do. You're getting better so I should shove
off.” Ed spun around, and trudged back upstairs to retrieve
his boots and jacket. He jammed his feet into his shoes, carelessly,
and pulled on his coat as he came back down the stairs. He just
wanted to get out of here.

He
wasn't one to run away from confrontation, but in an effort to keep
the peace, he'd be the one to bend. Roy was too ill to know what he
was doing. He rolled his eyes at how frustrating Roy was being. As
he passed by the kitchen, Ed gave a negligent wave and headed for the
front door. It was the best he could offer right now, seeing as he
was pretty annoyed right now.

“It's
rather telling, isn't it, Ed?” Roy called out, calmly.

Always
so fucking calm! It just made Ed's hackles rise in response. How
could anyone not react to that?
he wondered and valiantly tired not to do just that. Ed stopped
mid-step and turned back to look at Roy from over his shoulder.

“I
give you what you want, and you get angry at me for asking you to do
something as simple as drink a glass of milk...for your own health.
Your selfishness never ceases to amaze me...” said Roy, he
locked his eyes on Ed while he sipped from his mug.

Ed
felt instant anger. His face burned with it, and he breathed hard as
if he'd been running. Turning around to face Roy, Ed fought with
himself for some measure of control. “I...” I
will not be dragged into a fight,
he thought. But, oh did he ever want to. Clenching his jaw over the
rant that really wanted to run free, Ed thought it would be best if
he got out of here quickly before he said something he'd regret.

“I
better go,” Ed said stiffly. “Before I do something I'll
regret later.” Why was Roy provoking him like this? It was
almost like he wanted to start a fight with him. But why? Why would
Roy want to start something with him? He seemed to be pushing all
his buttons, and he knew, that Roy knew, that he was quick to
anger...so why? It didn't make sense and it only fueled his desire
to get out of here before his mouth had a chance to run away from
him.

Roy watched him through
half-lidded eyes. “You do that, Ed. You leave. I understand
that you don't have full control over yourself,” said Roy.

Ed
let out a shaky breath as he tenuous control over his temper started
to slip. Both of Ed's hands fisted at his side. Well
yeah!
thought Ed. So
why the fuck was Roy doing this?

After a pause Roy
continued. “It must be hard on you, knowing that you're not
really an adult yet.” Roy took a leisurely sip of coffee. “If
you were, you'd have more control over your actions and you wouldn't
have thrown a fit when I asked you to do something that would help
you.”

Grimacing at Roy's
insults, Ed pulled his lips back in a silent snarl. He might not
legally be an adult, but he'd done and seen more then most adults
three times his age. That qualified for something. “I thought
you said you liked my energy. Isn't that what said, and then right
after you slapped me in the face by flaunting your past flings? And
I do have control, or else I'd be over there right now punching your
fuckin' face in!” Ed clamped his mouth shut. No fighting!

“I
don't recall flaunting my past flings. It might be best if you
didn't take things out of context, Ed.” Roy sipped again from
the mug, and then shook his head in apparent disgust. “You
have such violent tendencies, Ed. I can only imagine this is
partially why your brother stays away from you.”

Ed gasped, and took an
involuntary step back. The very wind seemed as though it had been
knocked from him. It was true that Al seemed to be enjoying his time
in Rizembool, but it wasn't due to the fact that he was scared of
him. Al could totally kick his ass with out breaking a sweat...no,
it wasn't like that.

“Of
course, I can imagine that just seeing you brings many bad memories
that he'd like to avoid,” said Roy, drinking from the mug
again.

How
could Roy say
that to him! Al...Al would never... Ed took an unsteady breath.
“You...you...take that back...” commanded Ed in a near
whisper. The shock in his voice was painful sounding even to him.
Anxiety pooled in his stomach, making it twist horribly. Al didn't
react to him like that, ever!

“Sure.
I take it back. But it doesn't change the reality of it.”
Roy placed his mug down carefully in front of him and locked his gaze
onto Ed.

Ed swallowed
reflexively. It was like he couldn't breath right. He couldn't tear
his eyes away from Roy's calm and steady gaze. His words didn't
match his body language at all. He was just sitting there, lording
over him from the kitchen table.

“When
was the last time you saw Alphonse?” asked Roy, then paused.
“You ruined his life.”

Nonononono...that's
not right,
thought Ed. Al had never said... Why was he saying these things?
Ed's chest heaved. Sure he hadn't seen Al in four months, but he'd
been busy. Well...it was true that he didn't call as often as he
should, but when he did, Al was just like always on the phone. He
hadn't detected any resentment on his brother's behalf. If he was
afraid of him, why was he still talking to him? Roy was wrong...he
had to be!

“Yes,
you got his body back, but how many years were wasted? He knows you
can't control yourself, just as much as I know you can't. I'm sure
he doesn't want to chance having you do something even worse to him.”

Slowly,
Ed brought his left hand up to grip at the cloth covering his
stomach. Does Roy know something he didn't? Did Al talk to him
about that time? He was the one Al should go to, not Roy.
“No...that's not...” mumbled Ed. What hurt more? His
stomach or the cruel way Roy was treating him. “That's not
it!” Ed yelled. “He's not scared of me! He's NOT!”
shouted Ed. Oh no, what if it was true and Al was
afraid of him. He was all alone if Al abandoned him. He didn't have
any other family but him! He felt queasy, like he might be sick, as
his stomach rolled. He swallowed and let out a shaky breath.

Roy shrugged his
shoulder, seemingly unaffected by Ed's emotional anguish. “I'm
sure you don't threaten to hit him as often as you threaten to hit
me, but you're really just an accident waiting to happen. You've
really hurt a lot of people with your careless attitude,” said
Roy. He regarded Ed with a frown for a moment before his features
smoothed once more into a calm face.

How...how could Roy say
that? It wasn't true. He...he made up for it...in the end. He'd
fixed it. Just like he said he would. What people? Who had he hurt
by his attitude? Roy's verbal barbs rained down on him, making him
ache.

“People
have died because of you and your selfish carelessness...” said
Roy, breaking Ed's train of thought.

Gasping,
Ed swallowed hard. It was true. People had
died because of him. He hated to think about it, but it was true.
It tore him up inside to know that he'd done that. He had nightmares
about it still. He couldn't look at Al with out knowing what he had
to do to put that right. But for Roy to slap him in the face with
that... What was the point of this! Yes, he killed, but so did Roy.
He had the same stain on his soul as Roy did, knew the same guilt.
How could he use that
against him?

Why? Why was he saying
these things to him? Ed took a step back towards the door. He
hadn't done anything! He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from
Roy's cold face. He took another step back, his hand clutching and
un-clutching over his abs. Had he ever known this kind of heart
breaking, gut twisting pain? Maybe...when he lost his mother. Was
he going to lose Roy too? That made Ed's stomach drop alarmingly.
He didn't want that!

Roy threaded his finger
through the handle of his mug and brought the cup up to his lips and
took a sip. “I'm sorry, I've kept you. You said you were
leaving,” said Roy, as if he had inconvenienced Ed in some way
before taking another sip.

“Go
on. Run away from the truth. Humans are good at lying to themselves
to make reality less painful. Go home and tell yourself that
everything I've said is a lie. Continue to believe that your brother
is only staying in Rizembool because he has a love interest.”

Ed
felt burning in the back of his throat. Roy was
trying to get rid of him. Ed felt all the various harsh words that
Roy had said to him flash across his memory, as if it was burned
there now. It was all too much. How could it hurt this
much?

“Go.
I’m tired of trying to do things for you, only to get pushed
away or have my words twisted into something else. I’m sick of
your selfish attitude.”

Ed shook his head in
denial, and his vision started to get blurry. No, he didn't want to
leave. He...he...lo— He couldn't even say it in his head, but
that didn't mean it wasn't true...

“All
you think about is yourself, and you don’t even stop to
consider what someone else might be thinking or feeling. I don’t
know why I thought this could ever work... You’re obviously
not interested in having a mature relationship,” Roy spat,
glaring at Ed. “Get out.”

Finally the tears that
had been welling up within Ed's eyes spilled over, and fell down his
cheeks. All he wanted to do was to flee from the apartment all the
way back to his dorm, so that he wouldn't have to have Roy see him
crying. He was not a kid. But he couldn't stop the tears now that
they had started, and no amount of screaming at his legs to move
registered with his body and he remained rooted to the spot.
“Roy...” whispered Ed, his face crumbled as the tears
came hard. He whimpered as he drew a ragged breath.

Setting
his mug back down, Roy shot a hard look at Ed. “What?
What more do you want from me? No, wait.” Roy held up his
palm and closed his eyes. “I think I already asked that this
morning and you said you wanted me to fuck you.” Roy's eyes
snapped open to glare at Ed.

Ed
hiccuped,
and couldn't yank his eyes away from the harsh painful glare that Roy
directed his way. Roy had never looked like that at him...ever! Had
he really been that ignorant towards Roy?

“Well,
I did. I gave you what you wanted. I've given you everything I have
to give. I’ve given you more than anyone before you and I
tried to convey that to you this morning, but you simply turned it
around giving me hollowly flattering words, then accusing me when I
didn't do everything the way you wanted it done.”

What?
What's Roy talking about?
Ed wondered through his tears.
He moaned in pain.

“How
do you expect me to have a relationship with someone as self-centered
and inconsiderate as you?” asked Roy.

Silence descended
through the room; the only sound Ed continuing distress. He hated
the fact that he was sobbing this hard, and in front of Roy. He
wasn't weak! Ed swallowed a shaky breath as that thought made him
breakdown even more. He wasn't weak, but he sure was right now.

“You’re
obviously ready to end this, so I’m giving you what you want,”
said Roy. “I always
give you what you want in the end, don’t I, Ed?” Roy
paused again. “But now, I have nothing more to give you.”
Roy dropped his eyes to the table in front of him. “Go. Just
go. I can’t even look at you,” whispered Roy, his voice
laced with unnamed pain.

“That's
not...I didn't,” sobbed Ed. When had he said that he wanted
this to end? Ed searched franticly though his memory for anything
that Roy could have mistaken for what he seemed to believe as his
desire to end the relationship, but came up with nothing.

“I
don't want this to be over, Roy!” he cried, taking two
faltering steps towards the man seated stiffly in the kitchen. “I
want you, I do! Please, Roy...I didn't mean it.” Unable to
bear it any longer, Ed covered his face with his auto-mail and sobbed
hard into his palm. Bowing his head, he hid within his hair while is
left hand worked over his stomach. The pain was back, sharp and
violent, while the rest of him felt numb and tingly.

Ed dimly heard the phone
upstairs ringing insistently. On the third ring, Roy's chair scraped
along the kitchen floor, and Ed heard him run up the steps to answer.
He couldn't stop crying, and he couldn't seem to care. He'd never
been attacked like this, where someone he cared about sought to rip
his very heart out. He hiccuped again.

“Nooo...Roy...”
Ed moaned and gasped. Even with Roy gone he couldn't move. He
should just leave. Run away...back to his dorm, or maybe
somewhere...else? But his feet were stubbornly ignoring his wishes.
He was in denial. He couldn't believe that Roy wanted him gone. He
couldn't!

His throat ached with
his agony and the tears, more then he'd ever remembered shedding
before, fell down on to his auto-mail making the scent of the metal
more pronounced. Maybe...he didn't want him cause he wasn't whole.
He never did try to fix this. Ed opened his eyes and looked at the
palm covering his face. Roy complained bitterly about his cold
auto-mail whenever he slept over so far this winter.

No. He was grasping at
straws. This was too far out there. It didn't make any sense.
Drawing in a shaky, meant to be calming, breath, Ed willed himself to
calm down. Tears weren't helping. No way was Roy going to ditch him
so easy. He'd never said anything like what Roy seemed to think he
did, he was sure. Roy was being a bastard, and as much as he hated
to admit it, Roy never did something without reason.

Roy came back downstairs
then, and Ed let his right hand fall back to his side. Dressed in
his uniform with his coat on, he had a roll of toilet paper in one
hand. “That was Hakuro on the phone. He apparently doesn't
care that I'm sick,” said Roy, crossing the room to slap the
roll against Ed's chest. “I need to go down and meet with
Colonel Wolfe at South Central HQ and you're coming with me, so stop
your whining and clean your face.”

Ed meekly took hold of
the roll and sniffled hard. Roy briskly walked back into the
kitchen, and scooped up his mug, downing another mouth full before
dumping the rest in the sink. He placed the mug on the counter. Ed
could no longer look at Roy as he moved angrily around the kitchen,
so he looked down at his feet.

“We'll
need to walk over to the military garage and get a car,” Roy
said. Ed could hear him opening and closing drawers. “And
drink the damn milk,” he commanded briskly as he left the
kitchen and approached the front door.

Wanting to appease Roy
in some way, Ed sniffled around a ragged breath and went into the
kitchen. He stood in front of the small glass, trying to work up the
courage to down the vile stuff. With his stomach rolling, he thought
he ought to do it now, and if he got sick, he was totally going to
blame it on Roy. Picking up the glass, Ed threw the milk back,
trying to not let it touch his tongue. He put the glass back and
hurried out into the front room, where Roy was buttoning up his
winter coat.

“Roy,”
Ed began hesitantly, his eyes firmly glued to the floor as he stopped
behind Roy. Ed really wanted to reach out and grip the back of Roy's
coat and bury his face in Roy's shoulder, but he refrained. He still
felt the sting from Roy's harsh words, and couldn't bring himself to
look him in the eye until he got his answer. “You're not
really going to break up with me, right?” he pleaded.

Roy turned around, and
snatched the toilet paper from his loose grip and ripped a few
squares off. Ed's chin was tipped upwards, and Roy rubbed the tissue
across his still wet cheeks with a little more force then Ed thought
would have been necessary, making him grunt in displeasure. Dropping
his hand, Roy turned to the door and threw it open.

“Hurry
up, Fullmetal. I'm supposed to be in South Central in twenty
minutes, and we still need to pick up the car.”

“Roy!”
badgered Ed. Roy was not going to get out of answering him, and he
had slipped into work mode, calling him by his alias. That was never
a good sign. “Talk to me!” he whined. Sniffling, Ed
closed the door behind him. “You can't shut me out!” he
called towards the brisk moving man.

He was starting to get
angry again. He'd been floored by the way Roy had talked to him. He
hadn't been expecting it. Would never have expected something like
that to come from Roy! And he was embarrassed that Roy had made him
cry so hard and so easily. Roy was already half way down the street,
making Ed have to jog to make up the difference. Now Roy was trying
to run away. He wasn't even waiting for him!

“Apparently,
Havoc and Hawkeye are unavailable to drive us,” Roy said as Ed
came trotting up beside him.

“Roy!”
Ed pulled on his arm to make Roy turn and talk to him. Quicker then
Ed would have thought possible for an old guy, Roy reversed his hold
and snatched his left wrist into a firm grip, dragging Ed off his
feet.

“Fuck,
Roy, slow down, and answer me for fuck's sake!” complained Ed,
his feet catching on the sidewalk. Not wanting to end up with road
burn, Ed had to pay attention to the ground momentarily while Roy
maintained his hold on his arm.

Roy didn't stop until
they were in front of the garage, all the while dragging Ed behind
him. He opened the door with his free hand, and finally released his
hold on Ed's arm. As Roy crossed the interior, he said over his
shoulder, “What exactly is it that you want me to answer?”

Ed stepped across the
threshold, and looked around. There were a few cars parked in the
heated garage, all military issue black. Straightening his jacket,
Ed pulled the messy tangle that was his hair back along his back.
His arm throbbed from where Roy had held on to him, and he rubbed at
it absently.

“I
wanna know about us, I wanna hear that we're not breaking up,”
Ed said, taking another step into the garage, and closing the door.
“What the fuck else is there?”

Roy walked back around
the back of the cars, and pulled open the door to the driver's side
of his assigned vehicle. “Get in,” he ordered, and sat
in the car, closing the door.

Fuck! Roy was avoiding
answering him. That couldn't be a good sign. Ed frowned at the man
through the windshield for a moment before he decided that, at least
if he went, he could have it out with him and he wouldn't be able to
run away anymore. Ed stomped over to the passenger side and got in,
slamming the door. Folding his left leg under him, he turned on the
bench seat and glared at Roy's profile. “And?” he bit
out.

“And
put on your seatbelt,” Roy said, putting the car in gear.

Ed frowned. Roy was
being such a jerk! And an asshole, a bastard, bloody fucking
pea-sized—Ed's internal name calling festival was cut short
when Roy jerked the car in reverse and cursed mightily under his
breath before he could get the car in the correct gear and pulled out
of the garage. So intent was he that Ed didn't even think about
teasing Roy about his mistake.

Bracing
himself on the dashboard, Ed glared at Roy's profile, no way was he
going to walk all over him! “Stop
stalling and tell me the God damn truth! Tell me you don't have
feelings for me, huh! I know, you've never fucking said that you
love me!” I
can't believe that I even considered telling you that I might be in
love with you!
thought Ed, but there was no way he was going to say that now after
all that Roy had said to him.

It was painfully obvious
that Roy had so little regard for him that he thought that he could
treat Ed how ever he damn well liked. Well he wasn't going to make
him cry anymore! In fact, maybe that was why he wasn't allowed to
sleep over more then one night. Maybe Roy had been seeing other
people as well...

“You're
just looking for some easy ass, that you can treat however the fuck
you like, without having to think about my feelings or emotions,”
ranted Ed. He griped the back of the bench seat with his left hand
as Roy took a turn a little to fast, making him brace harder against
the inertia. “I'm sure you've been all over town the whole
time, fucking and screwing anything you could, haven't you!”
Ed's voice rose as he let all his hurt and confusion come out in his
attack.

“I
can't believe I ever THOUGHT that I had strong emotions for you, you
fucking bastard! And you tried to use Al against me! How the hell
could you do that to me? To ME! You know how fucking hard I've
worked to right that mistake, and you causally throw it in my face!”
Ed flicked his hand in front of his face, and threw a disgusted
glare at the man behind the wheel. “I should pound you for
being the heartless bastard that you are!”

Without
turning, Roy said as he drove, “That’s
right, Ed. I’ve never had feelings for you. I just wanted
sex. That’s why I’ve kept you around all this time.
Because, we both know how difficult
it is for me to find someone to fuck.”

Ed grit his teeth as Roy
once again threw his past in his face, and his eyes narrowed even
further in response. Maybe he should go out and fuck anything that
moved and see how Roy liked it. That would show him! It wasn't at
all nice to know that someone you cared about was testing the waters
elsewhere. It made Ed seethe. If Roy wasn't driving...

“Very
brilliant
deduction on your part. It just makes perfect sense that I would
keep you
of all people as a fuck-pet while I went out and screwed the rest of
the town,” said Roy. No longer was he the picture of calm and
control, now he burned hot with vicious sarcasm. “Good job.
You’re so brilliant, Ed. Now I see how you passed the state
alchemist exam.” Roy shook his head and pulled the car sharply
to the left.

Ed glanced quickly out
the front of the car as Roy recklessly maneuvered the car around a
large pothole in the street. Wasn't Roy a bad driver...? He was
starting to get slightly worried and began to tune out what Roy was
saying as he watched the road with apprehension.

“But
at least you’ve finally voiced the truth about you wanting to
end this. And as for your brother,” said Roy, pausing to slam
his foot on the car break. The suddenness of it caused Ed's lower
half to slide off the seat and under the dash. Ed pulled himself up
and out, and looked up to see a street light shining red. He cast a
worried glance across the car at Roy and wondered if maybe he should
just jump out now before Roy did something.

“You’re
doing a fabulous job at telling yourself things to make you feel
better,” continued Roy unabated. “Keep going. Tell
yourself what a bastard I am, and how of course Alphonse would never
stay away from you. He’s just too busy to talk to you. Of
course. Being too busy for your own brother makes a whole lot of
sense to me too.”

Ed had just sat his bum
back on the seat, when Roy slammed his foot down hard on the gas,
throwing him backwards. The car jumped ahead. Ed's eyes flickered
outside and widened in horror. A pedestrian was currently crossing
the street! Tightening his hold on the back of the seat, Ed braced
his auto-mail into the dash. Roy jerked the steering wheel hard and
the car swerved around the frightened citizen.

“But
go ahead. Hit me. Pound me for being a heartless bastard. Because,
like you said, you have control over yourself.”

“Fuck!”
Ed looked out the back of the car, trying to see if the person was
alright or not. The man shook his fist at their speeding car and
seemed to be shouting at them. Ed couldn't blame him, he felt like
doing the same. But only if he was out of the car and not moving.
“Watch what your doing!” he admonished.

His heart was in his
throat. Adrenaline pumped through his system at how close they had
come to running someone down. Roy was really pissed... Ed had never
seen him lose his temper this bad before. He was used to the calm,
teasing side of Roy...not this. Maybe a little vein popping, a
little cursing...but this?

“And,
Ed...” The icy tone of Roy's voice dragged Ed's eyes away from
the rear of the car over to Roy's face. He was staring so intently
at him; it made him forget that they had almost hit someone. “Don't
fault me for never saying something you've never said to me,”
Roy said.

The flat emotionless
stare from Roy sent shivers down Ed's spine. The eyes that he loved
to look into no longer held that sparkle anymore, and that made Ed
feel remorse. It wasn't like Roy gave him any signals that he was
feeling like that about him. Why should he be the one to put himself
on a limb like that? He wasn't even sure what love was between a
couple. How was he supposed to know if what he felt was really love
or just some unknown, unnamed emotion. Was all this really his
fault? Did he really cause all this? He couldn't believe it.

Movement on the street
in his peripheral vision caught his attention and his eyes flickered
towards it. Bloody...hell! Ed gasped silently, his eyes widening in
horror. They had drifted across the median and were headed into on
coming traffic. Ed griped the back of the seat in his left hand
hard; he dimly noted Roy spinning around in this seat. The blue car
directly in front of them blared its horn angrily at them and
swerved.

Ed was thrown into the
dash as their car braked hard, his right shoulder taking most of the
impact. He didn't even have time to register the pain as something
broke horribly in his auto-mail port before the whole car began to
roll. The sound of screeching, protesting metal and breaking glass
became all that he knew.

The vehicle lurched
violently again and he was thrown hard into the seat back as the car
was once again struck. Ed cracked his forehead hard on the back of
the seat making him see stars, and gasped when he felt something
slide all too easily through his back. No longer able to tumble
around inside the car, he could only gasp at each movement and
vibration until the car slid to a stop.

The silence and
stillness was overpowering in it's completeness after the noise and
chaos of a few moments ago. Blinking at his lap, Ed watched in
fascination as drops of dark red liquid dripped down his face and
into his lap. They dripped one after the other making a wide shallow
puddle that was slowly being absorbed into the seat. He swallowed
and tried to take a breath, but the very air seemed hard to draw into
his lungs.

The delicate tinkling of
broken glass intrigued him and he turned his head slightly to try to
better catch the sound. The slight turning of his head caused the
liquid to fall into a new place, down onto the floor where the carpet
soaked it up. Weariness crept up on him then, and there didn't seem
to be a logical reason why he shouldn't go to sleep.

“Ed...”

Hmm. He knew that
voice. It was an important voice, but he couldn't remember why.
Maybe if he saw who the voice belonged to it might make him remember
better. Ed tried to push off the seat so he could lift his head, but
that small movement sent blinding white hot pain down his body,
making him freeze. That woke him up. Why did it hurt so much? His
eyes widened in alarm. After a moment a black blanket was placed in
his lap, making the red liquid start a new puddle within its fabric.

“Ed...
You have to stay awake, okay?”

Stay awake? Why?
Something brushed against his face, and pressed into his forehead.
Oh! This was a different pain, but no less important. You shouldn't
touch it! Ed rocked his head away from the probing touch, and closed
his eyes. That's better...it's better with out pain. But it didn't
last long. The pain was back as something wrapped around his head
tight.

“Edward!”

Ed blinked owlishly, as
his head was brought up, and he could finally see who the voice
belonged too. Ah! It was Roy. That was good. Roy was good to have
here. Maybe he'd find out why he hurt so much... Despite having
difficultly breathing, Ed began to rapidly gulp for more oxygen.

“Recite
the basic rules of alchemy to me,” Roy said, stroking his
cheek.

“Ugh...”
groaned Ed in pain. “Um...” Ed swallowed. The what?
What does Roy want from me now? He tried to lift his right hand to
bat at Roy's hold on his chin, and frowned. Rolling his head down to
his right shoulder, he looked at what should have been a working arm,
but instead it was horribly twisted and mangled in the socket, his
coat doing little to hide the wrongness of it.

“Um...”
mumbled Ed, frowning at his arm. What was he supposed to say
again...? His head was once again lifted, and he blinked at Roy,
confused, hoping that Roy would sort this all out for him. It was
incredibly hard to think right now, so...what? Roy reached out and
started stroking his hair. Hmm, he always did like that.

“Just
look at me, then. Look into my eyes and stay awake okay? Help will
be here soon,” Roy murmured.

Ed could only blink
tiredly at Roy. Small tremors attacked his body; each shift
increasing the pain exponentially. Why would help be coming? That
didn't make any sense. “R-r-roy...” Ed stuttered, his
teeth chattering against each other. Why was it so cold?

Roy stroked Ed's hair
for a moment before leaning in to place a kiss on his forehead. When
he pulled back he stared intently into Ed's eyes. “That's
right. I'm here, Ed. Now just stay awake...”

Yeah, Roy was here...but
didn't he want to leave? It was all so confusing and jumbled up.
The tremors were becoming more pronounced, and he finally knew why he
hurt. He could feel it. Every twisted inch of it...
“Wha-w-what...?” Looking down at his left side, Ed could
see a jagged piece of metal protruding from his lower stomach to
pierce the top of his leg.

Red
gore and flesh clung to the edges. Ed could actually see
parts of his insides clinging to the metal. It was amazing! His
left hand pulled itself away from behind his back, and reached out to
touch, what looked like a bit of his intestines. He wondered if it
was as spongy as it really looked or was it just sort of slimy cause
of the blood.

“Don't
touch it,” Roy softly commanded, catching Ed's hand before he
could reach it. “Leave it there. It will bleed more if we
pull it out and I'm not a doctor...” Roy gently lifted Ed's
chin once more and placed a kiss on to his forehead. “Stay
with me...” Roy pleaded, kissing his forehead again. “Stay
awake...”

'Stay
with him'?,
Ed thought, blinking slowly, forgetting about his discovery. Was he
supposed to go somewhere? He tried to focus on Roy's face, but it
swam in front of him. “Roy...you w-want me?” Ed did his
best to focus on the face in front of him so he could better
understand the answer... What was the question again?

Roy blinked rapidly
before answering. “Yes, Ed. I want you, I've always wanted
you... I...” Roy faltered. Sniffling he reached out and patted
Ed's cheek. “Just stay awake.”

“You're
n-n-not mad?” stuttered Ed, panting now. It seemed really
important that he know this and quickly. It felt as though time was
running out. Darkness was creeping into the edges of his vision now.
Swallowing hard, his dry tongue slipped past his lips to try and
moisten them. He was so thirsty.

Laying
Ed's hand down by his side gently, Roy used the sleeve of his dress
shirt to wipe his face. “I'm
not mad,” said Roy, his voice wobbly. “I'm not mad, so
just stay awake.”

That was good to know.
If Roy was mad at him then when he went to sleep he'd be worried that
he'd be sad. He really wanted Roy to be happy. Yeah, Roy should be
happy. “Good...” Ed's voice trailed off, and he finally
gave in and let his eyes close.

--To Be Continued-- ?

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The More I Learn to Care For You: Ed's POV