No Regrets

Ed was a surprisingly pleasant guest, and Roy wondered how much of it was a result of his current project, that seemed to be taking so much out of him, and how much was him just being genuinely nice in an Ed sort of way. They both avoided bringing up the day before, what had led to Ed being in his house in the first place and Roy did his very best to avoid thinking about the fact that Ed was still wearing his shirt, finally suggesting that he might check and see if his own clothes were dry. The younger man gave him an odd look, but disappeared, only the thumping of automail every other step up the staircase to tell Roy where he’d gone.

He came back fully dressed, and Roy allowed himself a sigh of relief, because he’d been fairly certain nothing good could come of staring at Ed wrapped in a too big t-shirt and a blanket when he knew how little was under it, nothing good in the long term at least.

Silence fell between them, and Ed watched Roy cook from where he’d perched on a chair at the kitchen table. It didn’t last, and soon they were talking about mundane things, Havoc’s bad luck with girls, that idiot on Ed’s last mission who’d seriously thought a little ice was enough to stop the Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy knew small talk, was good at it even, but it was strange to see how good Ed could be at filling up the empty space with talk of nothing.

All the same, it wasn’t entirely pointless. Listening to Ed go on about how much trains sucked and how on earth did Al like cats so much left Roy unoccupied enough to watch him. Awkwardness seemed to have left him somewhat over the years, and Ed carried himself with something like grace, even if it was laced with weariness today, and a little stilted always.

They got through dinner without incident. That in itself wasn’t entirely surprising, because Ed had been… different as of late. He’d even offered to help clean up after all was said and done. It was hard to egg someone on when they were obviously trying to be nice, though Roy made a mental note to be glad Ed didn’t have a kitchen of his own, and never to go eat there if he ever did, after Ed suggested alchemizing the dishes clean.

After Roy convinced him that that really wasn’t as good an idea as he thought it was, there’d been something akin to a pillow fight, only less feathers and more bubbles, and how on earth Ed managed to get bubbles in his hair was beyond him. It had been good natured at least, reducing them both to helpless laughter. Roy smiled, and it was a real smile because none of his girlfriends had ever been this sort of fun, the kind with no hidden agendas, the kind where no one was worried about whether they were acting mature enough for their age.

It was nearly midnight, and empty coffee cups sat idly on a table covered in pages of notes and doodles from Ed’s very animated explanation of some theory that Roy was still fairly certain wasn’t right, though there was no telling Ed that, when the younger man finally remembered he’d not been home since the afternoon before.

“I should probably go,” he murmured, looking very much like he’d rather sit there in the chair across from Roy’s spot on the couch, and talk more about nothing.

“Mmm,” Roy responded noncommittally. Ed stood though, and Roy wondered briefly whether doing the gentlemanly thing and walking him to the door would be appreciated.

In the end, he did it anyway, and if Ed thought he was being treated like a girl, he said nothing, pausing to put on his coat as Roy opened the front door. Moonlight spilled into the hall, and he was pretty sure Ed was as happy as he was that it wasn’t raining. Ed turned, and was about to leave with no more than a muttered goodbye, but then he paused, turning around and grabbing at Roy’s hand before he could go.

It was chaste and barely there, a brief whisper of Ed’s lips against his that almost didn’t even qualify as a kiss at all. He might have imagined it, only Ed was looking absolutely terrified and beautiful in the moonlight through the door and it was all he could do not to massacre Ed with kisses of a very different variety. The way he shivered, nearly imperceptibly against Roy was something bordering on irresistible and Roy had to focus, really focus on reeling his own reactions back in.

In the end, he smiled, leaning down, still down even if only a little bit now, to offer a soft, warm, hardly more than the previous encounter, kiss. Ed looked startled, but relaxed almost immediately, sinking into it just barely, unsure and skittish every inch of the way. Roy pulled away, wondering at how someone could react so deeply to something as innocent as a closed lipped kiss, the sort couples offer in greeting after a long day at work. There was Ed though, looking for all the world like Roy had just rewritten existence itself.

He blinked, whiskey colored eyes flashing a few times, and then schooled his lips into a nervous smile, hardly able to look at Roy.

“G’night,” he offered.

“Have a good night,” Roy returned, and then Ed was gone, always leaving Roy standing behind.

X

Roy wondered if Ed had thought him stupid or just lazy. Had the younger man honestly thought he wouldn’t find out more about this catalyst of his and the dangers it posed? He bit back his own worry, considering the possibilities.

Possibility One: In a perfect world, Ed manages to make this catalyst correctly, without killing himself in the process. Said catalyst is enough all in itself, the transmutation goes off without a hitch, Ed is fine, maybe even whole again, and Al gets his body back.

Possibility Two: Ed doesn’t manage to be patient, which he’s already proven himself very bad at, as evidenced by spending a night and most of the next day dead to the world in Roy’s bed. Keeping a transmutation going like that until you pass out is inviting death, and if Ed can’t be patient and careful, he doesn’t even make it to the part where Al could potentially get his body back. All that’s left is a catalyst that’s bound to Ed because it’s all his energy that created it and he destroys himself for nothing.

Possibility Three: Ed manages to create the catalyst, but it isn’t enough and Ed brings Al back, in the end, at the cost of his own life despite all his efforts, because unfortunately, from the research Roy has seen, this appears to be the mostly likely affect.

Roy was sure that Ed had read anything he was finding now and knew the likely outcome of this whole ordeal. That bothered him. Any possibility that Ed wasn’t educated in the likely ending to the story were wiped away by that damnable list Roy had found. He guessed that at least explained what No Regrets meant. It also suggested though, that Ed wasn’t planning to do it just yet. There were things on that list he’d not finished, and Roy had until that list was finished to convince him it was a bad idea.

Coming out and saying it just wasn’t an option. Ed would only get angry and obstinate because that was what Ed did any time someone tried to make a decision for him. Maybe, though, just maybe if he could show him that there were things worth sticking around for, he’d come to the conclusion on its own.

Not that Roy needed an excuse to spend time around Ed.

X

Ed blushed, but only seemed marginally surprised to find himself with company. He spared Roy a sunset softened glance and a smile before his amber eyes returned to the sky, lithe body nearly lying, reclined on his elbows in the grass.

“Where’s Al?” Roy asked, taking a seat beside the younger man.

“Dorms, writing a letter to Winry or something,” Ed responded absently, staring at the sandwich dropped into his lap.

“Do you always go to that deli?” Ed asked, thanking Roy belatedly after he’d taken a bite.

“It was on the way, and they have those cookies you like, and the girl at the counter is cute,” Roy grinned at the way Ed’s face shifted at each section of the sentence, cheeks coloring slightly as he rolled his eyes.

“How’d you know I’d be here, anyway?”

“Lucky guess,” Roy shrugged, scooting just a little closer. Ed didn’t seem to notice, or simply didn’t care, and it was sort of nice the way his comfort zone had expanded recently, at least it Roy’s case.

They sat in silence, and that was alright because they didn’t need words right now. The sun sank below the horizon, a little more each passing moment, and the sky was brilliant red and orange, the few, solitary clouds, tinged at the edges in lavender. Roy found himself tilting back head sinking to the ground in imitation of Ed’s movements. The grass was velvet strands beneath them and the wind whispered sweet nothings over hair and skin and fabric.

It would have been ordinary, perhaps, if it had been anyone else. It would have been just one of those things that people do when they’re gunning for the chance you might call them back to do this again, or when they’re hoping to lure you off to a warm bed and a one night stand.

Ed was not that sort and it was not an ordinary thing at all for him to roll over until his chest came into contact with Roy’s side, an arm trembling as it snaked over Roy’s body, liquid gold hair pillowed on his chest. It was soft and sweet and Roy felt suddenly very silly for not just admitting he’d wanted this in the first place, because his hand worming around Ed’s back, soothing away shyness induced shivers felt ridiculously comfortable.

“What… are we doing?” Ed asked, his voice a whisper nearly lost on the wind in the scant inches between his lips and Roy’s ear.

“What do you mean?”

“I… you… this,” Ed tried to clarify, body stiffening in the process.

“Giving each other a chance, I imagine,” Roy murmured, shifting a little to look at Ed.

Ed said nothing, only offering a small, nervous smile in response, but he relaxed in Roy’s arms, and Roy was so very glad that this part of the part was mostly deserted, because there were stars and the moon on the water and it was beautiful, but it paled in comparison to a tiny quirking of upturned lips, fingers that grew just a tiny bit more confident, pressing them closer. It was sweet and different because most people looked at things like this as part of a prelude, but Ed just treated this like it was all they needed, perfectly comfortable to just be.