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Left Unsaid	By : ElleSmith Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 1021 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: GUNDAM WING is a Registered Trademark of Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency & TV Asahi. This work of fiction was written for non-profitable purposes.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Chapter 06: MO
Thirteen hours later and after a decent enough sleep, Duo stepped off the space shuttle and onto the Moon Spaceport's platform, carrying a small and tattered duffle bag. He headed tiredly towards the connecting-flight terminal. A shuttle will be leaving the moon for Earth in about two hours and would only arrive to his destination in about twenty more hours or so. By the time he'd make it to New York, it might already be too late. That was why he hated flying commercial. Back in the day he would have been able to make the trip in half the time; one of the few perks of having a whole militia backing you up.
Dressed casually in blue jeans and a black leather jacket, Duo could have blended easily with the hordes of people moving through the massive spaceport, if not for his unusually long braid. Tired and troubled as he was, it never even occurred to him that he was being followed. Two men were tailing him within the crowd; burly and grave-looking individuals dressed in black suits were following the swinging motion of his braid in a dangerous game of tag. As Duo turned towards the elevators, one of them quickened his pace to catch up, flung a hand forward and grabbed Duo by the shoulder, stopping him before he entered the crowded elevator.
Duo halted immediately and whirled back around, scowling warily.
"What da fuck man!" he exclaimed tensely.
"Mister Maxwell," the one who had grabbed him by the shoulder said; "I apologize for startling you, but I need you to come with us."
"Da Hell I will!" he called and recoiled two steps away, taking an offensive stance.
The man sighed and reached into his blazer. Duo tensed; fists and jaw clenching. The man pulled out a badge and presented it to him. Duo relaxed. It was a Secret Service badge.
"We have a private shuttle waiting for you," the agent said; "You'll be in New York in less than eight hours."
Duo frowned, studying the badge for a moment longer before handing it back to the agent.
"And to whom do I owe this pleasure?" he asked gruffly.
"She said you'd know," the agent replied cryptically. "Now, sir, if you you'll follow us..." he gestured at the other way, where the second agent was waiting.
"We haven't much time."
Duo sighed. "Sure," he muttered, hoisting his duffle over his shoulder; "let's put the tax-payer's money to some good use..."
*     *     *
Exhausted and disheveled after a long commute, Duo stepped out of the backseat of a black SUV parked in front of Preventer's NYC Field Office. He was escorted by the same two secret service agents he had met on the moon. They stood next to him, one on each side, and walked into the building. His foot tapped restlessly on the elevator floor as it made its way up to the eleventh story, the Criminal Investigation Division, where he was shown to a small briefing room at the end of a long gray hallway. There, seated by a long meeting-room table, was ESUN's senator Relena Darlian, and a young redheaded Preventer agent Duo recognized from TV. She was the first to get up and greet him, reaching a hand forward.
"Detective Maxwell," she welcomed him; "Thank you for coming all this way."
Duo shook her hand halfheartedly, his glaring cobalt eyes fixed on Relena the whole time.
"Sure," he mumbled and pulled out a chair. He settled into it tiredly, fluffing his long bangs up and heaving a weary sigh. "I'm gonna need some coffee. Black. Strong."
Agent Shaw nodded. "Of course," she said and walked to the door; "I'll be right back."
A tense silence fell over the small meeting room. Duo and Relena remained seated at opposite sides of the table and did their best to avoid each other's eyes while still trying to steal curious glances at one another. Last they had seen each other they were still teenagers. Now adults, they had both grown taller, their facial features were harsher and the look in their eyes has darkened considerably. One quick glance was enough to determine that she was no longer the prissy blonde girl he had always taken her for, and he was no longer the smirking God of Death hiding behind the deceitful mask of a court jester.
Their eyes accidently met and they both realized that they've been caught staring. They hurried to look away. Duo cast his gaze down to his hands, fiddling with his fingers.
"Guess I should thank you for that shuttle," he mumbled somberly.
"There's no need," she replied evenly; "I didn't do it for you."
He nodded, his eyes miserable. "Yeah... I know."
Agent Shaw returned to the room, carrying two steaming paper coffee cups. She handed one to Duo – coffee, black – and the other to Relena – coffee, with cream. She then took a seat in a chair situated midway between the two of them and crossed her hands, fingers entwined, over the table.
"I suppose I should start from the beginning," she said, sighing.
"You may begin by telling us what we're both doing here," Relena suggested firmly; her tone leaving little room for objection. "How does any of this help Heero?" she demanded; "You should be out there looking for him instead of talking to us."
Shaw felt their demanding eyes on her and bowed her head down sorrowfully. "We wouldn't even know where to start," she mumbled; "You saw for yourself, Senator, the Unsub removed the tracking device we implanted... there's no telling where he is. Right now, gathering you both here is our best chance."
"Wow, wow, back it down a little, will ya?" Duo interjected heatedly; "How about you fill me in on a few things first?"
Shaw nodded. "Of course," she agreed; "I think it would be best if I just told the whole thing," she offered, looking up at Relena for consent.
Relena nodded, giving her the go-ahead.
Merida inhaled deeply and began filling them in:
"You must have heard about the Unsub everyone calls the Redeemer," she said and they both nodded to confirm.
"He started killing about three months ago," Shaw continued; "The diverse victimology made it extremely difficult for NYPD to catch him. It was impossible to tell where he would strike next or what kind of victim he will be after. There was no indication of sexual assault, but the torture was clearly sadistic. The lack of sexual preferences also made it hard to determine if the Unsub is male or female... but since female serial killers typically stick to the same MO and victimology, we are fairly certain that he's a man.
"His ritual was always the same. He kidnapped someone with no witnesses, even though they were all taken from public places. He tortured his victims and then forced them to call a loved one to say goodbye. He killed them with a gunshot to the head and dumped their bodies where their loved ones will be sure to find them, always putting a blindfold over their eyes. You see, it's not enough that he tortures them. He has to extend the pain and suffering to their loved ones as well as a way to display complete control and dominance over his victims. His goal is to terrorize and to make a statement. He has captured the public's fear and imagination. The media was having a field day."
"No shit," Duo muttered, leaning back in his seat. He reached for his coffee. "It's all people talk about up there." He gestured with his eyes up at the ceiling and raised the hot beverage. "News of trouble in paradise get real popular in space," he snarled and sipped some black coffee.
Shaw ignored his nasty comment. "The blindfold had the cops puzzled at first," she resumed her explanation; "It was initially assumed that the killer felt some degree of remorse, that he didn't want the victims to see him when he executed them, but that profile changed as soon as Preventer stepped in and the BAU had a look at the case. Their conclusions put the investigation on a different track," she paused for a moment, letting it all sink in, and continued:
"The Unsub is killing in a major urban setting, which indicates high intelligence. This is not a random killing spree. Since he hunts at night, it means that he must have a steady day job. His attacks are well organized. He picks the kidnapping location beforehand... stalks his victims and waits for the right time to make his move. Everything is too controlled to be a random blitz attack. He picks his victims for a reason... one I only became aware of recently... when Heero was taken."
"You're talking about what happened in DC," Duo deduced easily. Both Shaw and Relena turned to look at him, stunned.
"You know about that?" the redheaded agent marveled and Duo's face hardened into an offensive glare.
"The son-of-a-bitch wanted me to," he revealed; "He's been laying the grounds for whatever game he's planning for quite a while."
"You mean he's contacted you?" Shaw asked warily
Duo nodded. "Yeah. Been nagging me for a while now... I just couldn't figure out who or why."
"But he sent the package to me," Relena finally spoke up, confused.
Duo turned to her. "What package?"
The young senator sighed and cast her gaze down. "Heero's clothes," she said sadly; "A UPS courier delivered them to my home yesterday. That's how I knew..."
Shaw nodded uneasily. "Those were the clothes he was wearing the night he was taken," she elaborated; "The Unsub was trying to get you both down here before I even noticed anything was wrong." She cast her eyes down shamefully. "Heero has developed a bad habit of showing up late... he was having trouble sleeping. I didn't figure out he was missing until I tried to call him the next afternoon. The Unsub could have taken him anywhere by then."
A long, tense silence fell over the small meeting room. Relena finally turned to drink her coffee, her gaze fixed on a vague distant point ahead. Duo tapped his fingers impatiently on the table.
"This is a game," he finally broke the edgy stillness. "He's fucking with us... why?"
"It's hard to say," Agent Shaw replied; "His MO has changed... He hasn't been following the same ritual when it comes to Heero."
"Does this have anything to do with what happened in 202?" Relena asked and placed her beverage back on the table.
"It would seem so." Shaw said and looked up at the young senator. "I suppose that it would be redundant to fill you in on the DC details," she deduced.
"I probably know more than you do," Relena agreed with a weary sigh. "God... how come I didn't see it sooner?" she mumbled, starting sadly at the table. "I should have..." she heaved another miserable, helpless sigh, shaking her head sadly; "Why else would he torture himself over this one particular case..."
"I thought that whole damn thing was top-secret," Duo intervened.
Agent Shaw nodded to confirm. "It is," she said; "which is why it took us so long to connect the dots. It wasn't until we started to suspect that we could be dealing with someone on the inside that some of the details about the DC Incident were finally revealed to the investigation team."
"You thought it was a cop," Duo accused, scoffing insolently; "NYPD... you were tagging them, weren't you?"
"At first," Shaw confirmed; "The BAU's profile suggested that the Unsub is someone overworked, undervalued, underpaid... used to being unnoticed and most likely a victim of a violent crime himself, or someone close to him fell victim to such a crime. He blindfolds his victims' corpse to send a message – he is indicating Lady Justice. We couldn't rule out the possibility that he's a cop... or even one of our own."
"Someone who found out what happened in DC?" Relena tried to clarify.
Shaw turned to her, nodding her head. "He was blaming us for the cover-up, but at the same time his use of the Lady Justice imagery helped to confirm that we are most likely dealing with someone who works in or around the criminal-justice system," she elaborated; "Whoever he is, this killer has convinced himself that he has a mission, a high purpose – he will expose the truth. He has developed an inflated sense of duty and assigned himself a personal mission to take justice into his own hands. He got more confident with each kill, moving onto higher profile victims, growing up to a climax. He started choosing his victims out of our ranks... like punishment. He seeks retribution on the victims' behalf and to finally get some recognition for his actions."
"That's why he forces his victims to call a loved one..." Relena realized with horror; "He's giving them the chance to say goodbye... unlike the hostages who died in DC."
"It would seem so, yes," Agent Shaw agreed. "As it turned out, there were distinct similarities not only between the victims of both tragedies, but we also in the messages the Redeemer's victims were forced to make before they were killed. A close study of their choice of words suggested that they weren't their own, some of it was scripted. They were forced to repeat the same words the DC victims said on the countdown video they had to make one hour before their execution. None of the videos the terrorists broadcasted to Preventer ever made it to the families. No one was supposed to know. That rang some alarm bells. It was obvious that we were dealing with an insider. The Unsub wanted Preventer to notice his sick homage. He's playing with us. We suspect that he won't stop until he reached eleven victims and then who knows what other missions he will take upon himself."
"But why is he so focused on what happened in DC?" Relena inquired.
"Yeah," Duo agreed; "It's not like there ain't plenty of other tragedies to choose from..."
"It's hard to say," the redheaded agent explained. "An Unsub kills to satisfy a deep inner need... sometimes the need driving him is a mystery even to the Unsub himself. Such a killer won't stop until that need – which is based on a certain ritual – will be lived out perfectly. But reality never lives up to fantasy, especially when he's unclear about what that need is exactly, so it's practically impossible to fulfill that need."
"That's where Heero came in," Duo reasoned and Shaw nodded to verify his guess.
"As the only living survivor of the DC Incident, he was the perfect bait, a real part of the fantasy the Unsub is reenacting. We tried to lure him away from an accurate reenactment of all eleven killings by offering him the grand prize, the real thing. Heero was put on the case and we made sure that he will always be in the background, just enough to catch the killer's eye. We even tried to provide the ground for the whole ritual, providing a significant other – me. Heero and I pretended to be together for about two months now. We made stalking us easy. We were hoping that it would lure the Unsub to make a quick move, make a mistake while trying to grab his prize. We wanted to give him an offer he couldn't refuse..."
"And it blew up in your fucking face!" Duo grunted furiously. "Your fancy plan didn't factor in that Heero might actually get caught!?"
"We took precautions," Agent Shaw assured him, though her voice lacked confidence; "including implanting a small dental chip so we could track him down quickly in case the worse happened..."
"But none of it worked," Duo hissed.
Shaw lowered her gaze down shamefully. "Heero is a very capable agent," she murmured; "Usually, he wouldn't have had a problem defending himself, but..."
"But?" Relena demanded harshly.
Shaw heaved a miserable sigh. "He hasn't quite been himself lately," she said; "He admitted his unusual behavior on a few occasions, but none of it seemed significant at the time..."
"What do you mean he wasn't himself?" Relena asked worriedly.
"The case was affecting him, big time. He was having a hard time coping. Heero insisted that he was fine, but I could tell. He got negligent, moody... sometimes clumsy. He never complained about anything and there was a lot of pressure to keep him on active duty even if he wasn't mentally fit to handle it anymore." She sighed. "We went out the night he was taken. He was acting... strange. He claimed that we were being stalked, but I didn't believe him. I didn't see anything suspicious... I thought it was just the alcohol talking..." she shook her head sadly; "His judgment was clearly impaired," she stated cautiously, looking up to meet Relena's harsh eyes. "I told him to go home and sleep it off. I left him all alone out there... He was in no condition to retaliate."
A long, angry, silence fell.
"Why did you call us both here?" Relena finally asked, slumping tiredly into her seat. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. Duo also leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, still glaring angrily at Shaw.
"Our profilers are certain that the Redeemer's MO will not be the same when it comes to Heero," the agent explained; "The Unsub has been building up to this climax and now it's finally at hand. As the only significant people in Heero's life, he is going to keep playing with you, maybe even finally make a claim. He might try to get the media involved. He believes he is doing the victims of the original tragedy justice. They never got to say their goodbyes because of the cover-up. In his own sick and twisted way, he is trying to get their messages across. He might try to play Heero's kidnapping in that favor..."
"Heero never... never tried to say goodbye," Relena mumbled shakily and raised her arms up, hugging herself as though suddenly cold. Duo grimaced and looked the other way; haunted by images of the video he had been shown.
"I know," Shaw said; "I've read the file. They used him as their liaison."
"They demanded the release of eight hundred and forty-seven convicted terrorists," Relena said, staring numbly at the table. "It was a sacrifice no one was willing to make." She looked up at Shaw, her blue eyes haunted.
"Did you ever see what happens in countries like Israel when they release prisoners back into their homeland? The backlash is enormous. But even with public opinion aside, the security consequences were far too grave to even consider. We let those eleven people die. We had no choice... a cover-up was necessary. If people found out that we just stood idly by while ESUN citizens were being butchered... it would have been a disaster."
"But Heero made it," Duo pointed out; "With your daughter."
Relena nodded silently, avoiding his ruthless eyes. "They used him against me," she muttered under her breath. "They were threatening my daughter and the man I loved... I had to do something."
"You went rogue?" Duo gaped at her, stunned.
Relena kept her eyes down. "I sent in one agent... just one," she said and tears flooded her eyes; "The only one capable of stopping them... the only one who would be willing to fight for my family."
"Zechs," Duo realized, amazed; "You sent your brother in there."
Relena sniffled quietly and wiped away her tears. "Zechs used to be their leader... as much as he tries to put that behind him, that's still a fact. That placed him in a unique position... one no other agent could possibly fulfill. He went behind Preventer's back and extracted Heero and Elizabeth out of there before time was up. He was kicked out of the bureau for what he did. There was only so much Preventer was willing to overlook when it came to him. Une saw to it herself."
"God..." Duo exhaled, overwhelmed; "That's fucked up."
"He was only saving lives..." Shaw mumbled, also awed.
"No," Relena disagreed harshly and finally lifted her gaze off the table. "He was saving two particular lives," she corrected. "Zechs never would have managed or even tried to save all thirteen hostages. I knew that, and frankly, at the time... I didn't care. It was a deliberate and selective rescue – highly unacceptable. Zechs took the fall for me... claiming that he had acted on his own accord to save his nieces' life. They had to let him go for serious misconduct."
"And how is Zechs doin' these days?" Duo asked sternly, glaring at Relena. The young senator glowered back just as intensely.
"You're not seriously suggesting that my brother is behind this, are you?!" she demanded angrily.
"He certainly has a reason to hold a grudge," Duo pointed out.
"My brother is a lot of things, but he is not a psychotic serial killer," Relena hissed dangerously. "I won't hear of it, you hear?"
The silence returned to the small room; tense and angry. For a while, no one said a word, until Duo who broke the heavy silence:
"So... now what?" he asked, leaning forward on the table to get a good hard look at Shaw. "You brought us all the way here for a reason, right?"
"Uh... yes," Shaw mumbled, still quite shaken. "It's pretty obvious now that the Unsub hasn't bought our little charade... he knows I don't really mean anything to Heero. It's safe to assume that he will call one of you sooner or later. Our tech-team will put a wireless trace on your phones. Hopefully, we'd be able to trace the call to Heero's location."
"So we wait," Duo sighed and slumped back into the chair. "Great."
"We've set you up with a hotel room not far from here. We'll keep an active trace on your mobile phones the whole time, so keep in mind that someone is always listening when you talk. The second that bastard calls, we'll get him."
"You better," Relena warned and stood up swiftly, pushing her chair back. "Fail Heero one more time and I will personally see to it that you never work anywhere on Earth again," she threatened, turned on her heels and circled the table, heading for the door.
Duo glared angrily at Shaw for another tense moment, before he too rose from his chair and left the room.
He caught up with Relena further down the hall.
"Your daughter made it out of there," he stated quietly and she stopped, turning around to face him. Her face was pale as she waited for him to continue. Duo found that he was having a hard time looking her in the eye. There was so much hurt there... such grief. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.
"That bastard, he... I mean... he showed me..." he sighed, shaking his head, rephrasing; "He sent me this file... It said that Heero has lost a child."
Relena studied him mutely for a moment, her expression stony. "He has," she finally confirmed; "...we have," she corrected, sighing. "Two years ago. It was after the incident," she added mournfully. "It wasn't Heero's fault."
That said, she turned back around and headed for the elevator.
Duo stayed behind, paralyzed by grief. He couldn't breathe, suffocated by a heavy sense of angst. Heero had gone through all that shit... only to lose his daughter anyway. It was beyond heartbreaking. He could actually feel eight years of solid resentment dissipate slowly, no longer blocking his chest as it was melted away by warm, heart-wrenching sympathy. Hurt and betrayal gone, right now, all he wanted was to find Heero... and embrace him.
*     *     *
It was dark, and cold. He was naked... numb all over and drowsy; he's been drugged. Thick and tight leather straps held his limbs down, biting into his ankles and wrists. He was laid on a deeply reclining chair, much like at the dentist, tilted backward so he was nearly lying flat on his back. He could feel something plastered over his forehead, chest and limbs; it felt much like the EKG electrodes a nurse had attached to his torso at the hospital. He could feel the adhesive tape and lead wires scuff his cold skin.
Panic pierced his heart. The palpitations caused the floodgates in his mind to burst wide open and a tsunami of horrors washed over him at once; ghastly memories of torturous hours he had spent tied against his will to a similar apparatus; pricked, violated and prodded by a madman determined to shape him into the perfect fighting machine. His breathing became quickened, his palms began to sweat and anxiety kicked in. He writhed helplessly in his bonds; small, quiet and distressed moans escaping his parched lips. His mind was hazed; he wasn't even aware of the pathetic sounds he was making. The only thing his mind registered was the sharp, pulsating pain throbbing in his mouth where his molar tooth had been extracted. The entire lower left side of his face was badly swollen, abused flesh inflamed.
Somewhere further into the dark room, a door was opened. He could hear the hinges creak quietly. His breath hitched in his throat and he stilled. Someone was approaching.
He could only move his head, so he looked around anxiously, searching the darkness for his captor. A figure was moving in the shadows, slowly walking towards him. He couldn't make out its features, but the silhouette clearly belonged to a man.
A hand reached up into the blackness overhead, switching something on. Harsh, bright light suddenly projected from directly above him, hurting his eyes. He groaned in pain, clenching his eyes shut and turning his head away from the dental-chair-light raining mercilessly from above.
There was some clanking noises; the sound of medical instruments rattling softly. Cold fingers touched his restrained upper arm. He jerked, startled and afraid. The fear was uncanny; he had never felt so vulnerable in his life. He had been trained to handle it better, but none of the things he had been taught seemed to work anymore. His heart was too weak; defeated by burdens he could no longer bear.
He squinted against the bright assault and turned his head in the direction of the sound. He couldn't see the face of the man towering over him – the projector hid his head from sight – but he could see his hands. They were prepping a syringe, filling it with pinkish-clear liquid from a small vial. The needle gleamed under the harsh white light as it was raised up and some of the liquid was squirted out, testing the needle.
The man finally leaned down, lowering his head beneath the powerful lamp. Heero's face paled drastically and his eyes widened in fright, filled with affrighted recognition. He gasped, mortified by the face he saw.
The man placed the syringe back on the instruments tray. He picked up a chunky, rubber mouth-guard and turned back to Heero.
"Usually people consume this in its crystal form," he spoke to him with a low, eerily calm voice; "But I've prepared a real treat for you... a real... magic potion..." he added in dark amusement as he slipped the gag into Heero's mouth, to which he responded with sickly retching. The invasive object brushed against the sore, inflamed flesh from which his molar tooth had been extracted sloppily. Sharp pain flared up, sending vicious spiking tentacles into his left cheek and jaw. He groaned and clenched his eyes tight, hurting.
"Better than any drug you've been prescribed so far," the man continued smugly, ignoring his pain, and reached for the syringe. He placed the needle against Heero's bare upper arm, pricking the skin.
"It should help get us started," he promised, and the needle plunged in.
Heero thrashed in his bonds, muffling helpless sounds of distress through the gag, but to no avail. He could feel the icy liquid surging through his veins, spreading rapidly with each frantic heartbeat. Seconds later, he stilled, his body slumping lifelessly, sinking into the reclined chair. His head lolled limply to the side. His blue eyes glazed over; they stared lifelessly ahead, dull and oblivious.
The man turned back to the instruments tray. He reached a hand forward to pull another medical-supply cart closer to the chair. A device rested on top of it; a small rectangular machine bearing various dials, switches and meters. He turned a dial up and the machine came to life, humming and buzzing as voltage flowed in. The dial-meter needle traveled up. The man adjusted a few dials and then flicked on another switch.
On the chair, Heero's body jerked up violently, completely rigid. High electric currents coursed through his body, resulting in intense convulsions. His hands trembled wildly in their restraints, fingers twitching. His mouth clenched tightly around the mouth-guard. A grimacing, tortured expression twisted his pale and stubbly face. He screamed, but the anguished shriek was swallowed by the gag in his mouth.
*     *     *
The Holiday Inn NY-Soho was just a few blocks away from the Federal Plaza; a mere five-minute walk from Preventer's NYC office. Past midnight, the hotel lobby was dim, silent and empty. Christmas Eve was three days away and the lobby was decorated for the holiday. Only a night clerk worked the reception desk and a weary-looking middle-aged bartender manned the small hotel bar at the far end of the foyer. Slow and quiet music played in the background; mellow Christmas tunes filling the nightly silence with nostalgic melodies.
Duo sat hunched over the bar, his black leather jacket hanging from the bar-chair. He held a glass of whiskey on the rocks in one hand and a burning cigarette in the other. An open pack of Winston Blue and a lighter rested next to an ashtray in front of him on the bar. He raised his drink for a sip and then took a drag on his smoke, staring ahead broodingly.
The bartender had repeatedly asked him not to smoke in the lobby, but he had sent him such a vicious glare that the older man finally gave up and resumed polishing glasses quietly, sending him annoyed glances every now and then. Duo couldn't possibly care less.
His cellphone was also placed right in front of him. He hadn't let it out of his sight since Preventer put a trace on the small device. He had set the ringing on extra-loud and vibrate-mode, so he won't miss a call. He also carried his charger with him in his pocket, just in case. It has been two days since Heero was taken, seven hours since Duo arrived to New York, and not one phone call. Waiting was hard, but it was all he could do. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and he couldn't stop thinking. He had tossed and turned in bed for two hours, unable to escape the memory of the aghast look on Heero's battered and bloody face when that little African toddler was shot in the video, or the way Heero's bare, trembling and blood-clotted arms clung to his little girl as for dear life... so he drank.
Duo finished his drink with a swift gulp, slammed the bulky glass on the bar and signaled the barman for another one. The man sighed irately, grabbed a bottle of Jameson Whiskey, and poured the young braided man another round. Duo watched the golden liquid flood the wide glass, while taking a few more puffs on his cigarette; a distant, reminiscent, look shone sadly in his cobalt eyes.
Of all people, it was Heero who had first introduced him to the renowned Irish whiskey. He had claimed that Jameson was the only kind of liquor he could stomach; that it didn't make him lose control and just... felt good. They were pretty damn drunk when Heero made that confession, so it wasn't so surprising that he had made an exception and volunteered such personal information. He said that he had first tried it when he arrived on Earth; that he had found a bottle in a car he had stolen out of necessity, and used the alcohol to disinfect some injuries after a particularly bloody mission. He then drank the rest to fight off the terrible cold while he waited holed up in that car, hidden in some God forsaken Hellhole until OZ cleared the area. Since then he had made a nasty habit out of stashing a small bottle in Wing's cockpit... just in case.
They ended up drinking it together the night after they blew up the naval base next to St. Gabriel's Boarding School. They turned the mission into a competition to see who could get there first and do the most damage. It was an egoistic challenge to see whose Gundam was superior; a childish game between two boys with too much fire power in their adolescent hands. He had gotten there first, but Heero had won the competition anyway, God damn him. He blew the fucking gas tanks at the center of the base and blew the whole damn place into kingdom's come all under five minutes. He then left the battlefield in an arrogant display of flight capabilities, leaving Duo behind, cussing and shouting at the unfairness of it all.
Such stupid kids they were... and they thought themselves professionals! Boys will be boys – Gundam pilots or no Gundam pilots.
They got back to their dorm room all pumped-up from the fight. The adrenaline, friendly rivalry, alcohol and way too much testosterone coursing through them caused one thing to lead to another and... It was the first time they slept together. Scratch that – they fucked like there was no tomorrow. It was hot, messy, violent and fervent... far too intense to be described in mere words. After that memorable first night, Duo made sure he kept a small bottle of Jameson in his cockpit too... in case he ever ran into Heero again.
"Trouble sleeping?" a soft female voice tore Duo from his reminiscing. He looked up, meeting Relena's sad blue eyes. The young woman was standing next to his bar chair, dressed casually in bright blue skinny jeans and a large, black sweatshirt. Her long blonde hair was undone, falling gracelessly and flatly around her head. She had no make-up on; her features pale, tired and sad. Duo realized that he had never seen her look so plain; for once out of her formal wear. She almost looked like anyone; almost... because she will never be just anyone. She will always be Heero's girl.
"Yeah," he rasped gruffly, scanned her up-and-down and finally turned to take another sip of whiskey, staring ahead at the abundant display of liquor bottles behind the bar instead of facing her. "You too?" he asked the obvious, though not really interested.
She nodded quietly and took a seat next to him. She motioned the bartender to approach and asked for a glass of Jameson on the rocks as well. Duo turned to gape at her, surprised. A hidden smile hovered over her pale lips; she gave him this look, as though telling him that he shouldn't be so shocked by her preference. She took a small sip from her beverage and placed it neatly on a coaster.
"You're not the only one he used to drink this with," she said, gazing ahead to avoid his prying eyes.
"Figures," Duo muttered, rolling his eyes. He raised his glass up for another sip. The two sat in silence, drinking and brooding quietly. Placing her empty glass down, Relena ran a French-manicured finger over the rim, staring down at the melting ice with a pair of pensive blue eyes. Duo finished his first smoke and reached to take another cigarette out of the box. He lit it up, took a long drag and released the smoke in a long huff, raising his head up and creating small rings. He watched with sad eyes as they dissipated slowly into the air... disappearing. He tried to recall if he had ever spent more than a second alone with her, but nothing came up, other than that time at the hospital in Brussels, outside the ICU, when he told her that Heero was all hers to deal with from then on. But now here they were, sitting side by side and tolerating each other... for his sake.
"I was thinking about taking a ride," Relena finally said. She turned in her chair, facing him, and for a moment he froze, taken aback by the familiar ferocity burning in her blue eyes. God damn it, they were the same as Heero's: sharp, potent and intense... irresistibly persuasive. Fuck. For a split of a second, Duo almost thought he knew what Heero must have seen in her. She was a force to be reckoned with, no doubt about it; now more than ever. He sighed and looked the other way, returning his attention to his drink. He resumed smoking, deliberately ignoring her.
"Right now... there's only one place I can be," she continued nonetheless; "You're welcomed to join me."
Duo took the cigarette out of his mouth and looked up, frowning. The bitch was being nice to him... it was unsettling.
She offered him a sad little smile. "It sure beats sitting here waiting for that call," she reasoned and hopped off the bar chair. She moved away, heading out of the lobby without waiting for his answer. Duo shoved the burning butt between his pressed lips, got up, snatched his cellphone from the bar and his jacket off the chair, and hurried to join her.
*     *     *
Two of Relena's bodyguards were waiting outside when she and Duo stepped out of the hotel. A black executive's car was parked at the front, its engine running. One of the men-in-black opened the back door for them and they entered the vehicle. He closed the door behind them.
It was a short ride before the car arrived at an East Village neighborhood and finally pulled to a stop before a ten-stories-high tenement building, one of many like it in the old residential area. Relena was the first to step out of the car. Duo remained seated for a moment longer, staring out the window at the enormous building. It hardly looked like slums, but the crowded urban blocks still reminded him of home.
A black SUV was parked in front of the building. When Duo stepped out of the car, he saw Relena standing next to it, the palm of her hand spread over the engine hood and he knew – it was Heero's car. The young woman gazed at it wistfully for a moment, before moving her hand away slowly, almost caressing the vehicle. She turned towards the small stairwell leading into the building and one bodyguard prepared to follow her. She raised a hand up, signaling him to stop.
"Wait here," she said; "I'm in good hands," she gestured at Duo with her head. The secret service agent turned to study Duo with a stony face, but Duo ignored him. He followed Relena into the building.
They took the elevator to the tenth floor, riding it in silence. Once the doors opened he followed her down the hall, to the apartment at the end overlooking the street. Relena pulled out a key from her jeans' pocket.
"Come here often?" Duo asked bitterly as he watched her slide it into the lock.
"Every couple of months," she said and opened the door; "Making sure he's doing alright," she added quietly and entered the apartment. He followed her in. Relena flicked on a light and headed to the kitchen. Duo stood for a moment by the door, looking around.
It was a small and modest residence; dark hardwood flooring, naked white walls and scarce furniture – only the bare necessities. A pillow and blanket were left in a messy pile on the sofa; otherwise, the apartment was immaculately tidy. A trail of footmarks stained the polished dark wood floor, leading from the front door to the kitchen; traces of wet boots no one had bothered to wipe before entering... traces of Heero. Duo stared at the stains, a chill gripping his heart.
"Would you like something warm to drink?" Relena called from the kitchen and Duo finally looked up, snapped out of his sad daze. He turned to close the door and joined her in the kitchen. He spotted three orange prescription bottles standing on the countertop by the sink right in front of him when he entered the small kitchen, along with a half-empty glass of water. A black concealed carry-holster was laid next to it. As he walked in further he saw Heero's Preventer jacket hanging from the back of a kitchen chair; one of two chairs standing by a small kitchen table. He couldn't tear his eyes off it. A shiver ran up and down his spine and he grimaced, aggrieved. The place felt strangely haunted; filled with ghostly reminders of its missing occupant.
Relena placed an electric kettle under the tap and filled it with water. She set it back down on the worktop, switched it on and then opened a cupboard overhead to fetch two mugs. Duo noted that there were only about four mugs in total, next to three small bowls of cereal and a few other scarce dishes; the cupboard was rather empty... it reminded him of his own kitchen. He only kept a couple of dishes from each item, just enough to feed himself and Tomás. He hoped the little rascal was doing okay. He had left him a key to his place and made sure to stock up the fridge before he left L2.
Relena opened a second cupboard, one that contained some coffee, tea and sugar, and then reached for a bottom drawer to take out a teaspoon. Duo noted bitterly that she clearly knew her way around that kitchen, feeling at home as she proceeded in making two cups of coffee. God that hurt to watch. He realized with great dismay that Relena was very familiar with all those little plain things he had always wanted to uncover; small and simple sides of Heero she had gotten to know over their years together, while he was away, simmering with hurt and resentment over what might have been if not for her.
Duo finally stepped into the kitchen. He spotted an open Chinese takeout box by the microwave oven. He picked it up, took a quick sniff, winced at the unpleasant smell of rotten food and put it away. The leftovers at the bottom have been sitting there for quite some time. He turned to the sink and picked one of the prescription bottles standing next to it. He skimmed over one label: it was antianxiety medication, prescribed to Heero by a Dr. Sloan. Duo was familiar with the popular brand. It was one he had begged his shrink to prescribe him with after Joe died, but she refused because of relative contraindication [[i]] with the other medication he was already on. Some big help she was...
Duo sighed and placed the bottle back down.
"You take sugar?" Relena asked as she prepared a mug of black coffee. He was surprised that she had bothered noting how he drank his coffee. He wondered if Heero drank it the same way.
"Nah, thanks," he said; "Bitter is more my thing."
She nodded, hiding a smile, and handed him his beverage. She then turned to make her own cup of coffee, walking to the fridge to get some milk. Duo took a sip, winced at the hot stinging on his tongue, and placed the mug back on the countertop. He reached into his black leather jacket's pocket and pulled out his smokes. After taking out a cigarette from the pack, he noticed that his lighter wasn't in there. He searched all of his pockets, but came up empty. He must have forgotten it on the bar.
"Here," Relena said and opened a second drawer, the one under to the utensils drawer. It was overflowing with colorful Skittles packets. Duo almost snickered.
"What da Hell?" he exclaimed, stifling a laugh. Relena also smiled, amused but sad, and reached deeply into the drawer, searching for something at the far end.
"He was trying to quit smoking again," she said and pulled out a box of Winston Blue, along with a blue plastic lighter. She handed them to Duo, smiling wistfully.
"Never quite managed to pull it off," she added, her eyes sad despite the smile; "And the candy just kept piling up..."
Duo almost smiled, but his lips felt too heavy to pull it off convincingly. How could he smile when she was the one who knew all those little things instead of him?
He accepted the pack of smokes and lighter quietly. He looked at them for a moment, feeling wretched when he realized that Heero and he smoked the same brand. For some reason, it made him feel even worse than the liking the same brand of whiskey, maybe because it was a habit they had both picked up after the breakup. What were the odds?
He lighted his smoke and placed Heero's lighter in his pocket along with the cigarette box. He then turned to examine the gun holster laying discarded on the countertop. He picked it up, a cigarette in his other hand.
"Looks like he was armed..." he mumbled and raised the cigarette up for a drag; "Maybe he managed to do some damage before..."
"Don't get your hopes up," Relena sighed and walked back to the refrigerator to return the milk. After closing it, she reached up to the top of the fridge, her hand searching the surface blindly for a moment before she retrieved a small firearm. She turned back around and presented it to Duo, her eyes shining miserably.
"He never would have taken it without a holster and you know it," she murmured sadly and handed Duo the gun, sighing.
"Like Shaw said... he wasn't in his right mind."
Duo let go of the holster and accepted the weapon. It felt strange holding something personal of Heero's after so many years.
"How'd you know it was going to be up there?" he asked Relena, frowning. He handed her back the gun.
"I just did..." she heaved with a wretched sigh and turned back to the large appliance and placed the small sidearm back up. She opened the freezer next. Like the cupboard, it was also rather empty. She reached deep inside, searching, and smiled when her fingers finally encountered whatever she's been looking for.
"It's still here," she smiled slightly, relieved, and pulled out a large white chunk of frozen cake. She grabbed a fork from the drawer and served the cake to the kitchen table along with her coffee.
"Want some?" she offered Duo, looking up in question; "Nothing like some comfort food at a time like this." She dug her fork into the frozen pastry, took a forkful and brought it into her mouth, closing her eyes in delight.
"God... I love this cake," she mumbled with her mouth full. She opened her eyes and took another large chunk. "There's this deli down the street... makes the best New York style cheesecake," she told Duo. "Heero can't stand it, says it's too sour, but he always gets one when I'm here." She took another large bite and closed her eyes again, savoring the taste. "God, it's even better frozen..."
Duo remained standing by the kitchen counter, smoking and watching her with hard eyes burning with a low blue flame. He took another puff on his smoke, grabbed his black coffee and joined her at the table, taking a seat in the chair from which Heero's jacket was hanging. He sipped his coffee and smoked quietly while she ate. Minutes passed in brooding silence and avoidance. They didn't have to share their thoughts to tell what the other was thinking. They were both wondering what horrors Heero was being subjected to at that very moment, while they were sitting over coffee.
Duo couldn't bear thinking about it a second longer. He got up, shoving the chair back.
"He's gotta keep some booze lyin' around here somewhere, right?" he muttered and began opening random cupboards.
"Try under the sink," Relena suggested; "he likes to live under the illusion that he's going to chuck it out one day soon."
And indeed, once he opened the cabinet doors under the sink, he found a nearly empty bottle of Jameson, right next to some cleaning products and empty glass bottles waiting to be recycled one day. He snatched the whiskey, two glasses of water from the cupboard overhead and severed them to the table. He poured each of them a drink and they gulped it quickly, straight up.
"Do you fuck?" Duo asked bluntly as he slammed his glass on the table. His voice was raspy, roughened by the burn of liquor.
Relena placed her empty glass down calmly. She took another forkful of cheesecake.
"Sometimes," she answered plainly, raising the fork to her lips. "It doesn't mean anything." She took a bite and added a solemn "I wonder if it ever did..."
Duo reached into his pocket to take his pack of smokes out. He lighted a second cigarette. He was halfway through his second smoke when she spoke up again, digging into the cake.
"We were kids, you know?" she mumbled dolefully. "We thought we weren't, but we were. It was destined to go wrong."
Duo scoffed dismissively. "Yeah, well, eight years later and he still keeps cheesecake in the freezer in case you drop by."
Relena let out a small, bitter, chuckle and took another bite. "He might keep cheesecake in the freezer for me, but he keeps a flame alive for you."
Duo snorted. "Right," he grunted; "You can't really be that stupid."
"He was fucking you way before he was fucking me, Duo," she informed him evenly, her fierce blue eyes staring him down.
"Sometimes I could swear he thought he was fucking you instead of me..." she mumbled and finally cast her gaze down. She helped herself to some more cake. "He would get... he could be very aggressive sometimes," she whispered quietly, eyes cast down; "I didn't like it."
"Guess he fucked both of us over, then."
Relena looked up, smiling sadly. They shared a knowing look; one that confirmed they both knew that despite of everything they wouldn't have passed on the chance to be with him. It was probably the only mutual understanding they would ever reach. It was time for a truce.
"He never got past you," Relena said, focused on her cake again.
"I find that hard to believe," Duo muttered and used his fingers to tear a small piece of the cake as well, tasting it. Heero was right; it was too sour.
"Why?" Relena asked and pinned his gaze fiercely; "Have you?"
She had him there. Duo cast his eyes down, avoiding her harsh glare so she wouldn't see the obvious answer.
"I know I haven't," she confessed, heaving a despaired sigh. "Even though I know it could never work out, I... I just can't. So we're friends... somehow... when he lets me."
"Yeah, well, he never needed me as friend," Duo huffed sullenly and shook the ashes from the cigarette into his coffee mug. "He never needed me for anything other than a hole to fuck."
"That's not true," she argued decisively.
"Oh yeah? And what do you know about it?"
"Not much," she admitted, shrugging, "But maybe if you would have stuck around long enough after that last battle, you would have been able to find out for yourself."
"I left because of you!" Duo burst, punching the table angrily. "I left because he chose you! So he liked fucking me – big deal! He only did it because I could take it... because I wanted it just as rough as he did... but in the end he always picked you over me! Always! It was always you, Relena, always. He took his shit out on me so he won't haffta fuck you up the way he did to me. He didn't give a shit about me... never was that kinda thoughtful with me... You were his soft spot, and I... I was a fucking punching bag. I guess that woulda been okay if at the end of the day I woulda been the one he really wanted, but I wasn't. He always picked you! He gave me the ugly and he saved the rest just you! All of it!"
"ME?!" she laughed bitterly; "God... Is that a joke?! And you call me stupid?! God, Duo... it was you! Always! I could never give him what he really wanted, what he really needed... Can't you see? He came to me because he wanted to escape who he was when he was with you. That thing you call ugly... he hated it. He feared it... he couldn't handle it. Heero needed me as a leash, not a lover. I could never be you... he could never let go the way he did with you... he was never that... ugly... with me. I was a failsafe, nothing more."
"Oh yeah?! So why didn't he try to stop me when I left?! Why didn't he say something when I gave him the chance?! For once in his fucking life – he shoulda said something!"
"God dammit, Duo!" she exploded heatedly; "Is that what it was all about?! You were waiting for him to say something!? Jesus..." She shook her head and took a deep breath, struggling to calm down.
"Maybe he would have tried to say something – maybe," she said, her voice shaking with barely suppressed rage, "but he couldn't even speak... not until a few days later. Temporary aphasia... [[1]] He hurt his head when ZERO crashed. It was bad... but you didn't stick around for the prognosis, did you? You just left with your anger, and your hurt... You walked away with all those things left unsaid... You left him to me, so I took care of him." Her eyes watered; she looked utterly wretched... hurt.
"I was there for him through every step of the way, but it was never enough. I was never enough. Don't you get it? It was always you, Duo. He stayed on Earth to be apart from you. He stayed with me so he won't have to think about you, about who he was when he was with you, but it was always you. He finally left when he realized that I could never be enough. I just don't get it. I don't. I was the one who stuck it out 'til the end... I was the one who held his hand when he... when he fell apart two years ago. Where were you? What did you do? What have you ever done except criticize him? You expected things he didn't know how to give! You should have been more patient with him! He... he... he needed your perseverance... not just your God awful temper! Love isn't sex, Duo. There are times when... when being able to take a beating isn't enough. There's more... so much more. I wish you could have both seen it... before it became too late. You could've grown together... you really could have... but you were both too stubborn to let that happen."
A tense, guilty silence fell over the small kitchen. For the longest time, neither said a word, nor did they turn to look at each other. Finally, it was Duo who broke the unconformable silence by clearing his throat. He reached for the nearly empty bottle of Jameson and poured them both another round, just a few drops each, emptying the bottle completely. He raised the glass to his lips, his eyes cast down to the table.
"Sounds like you gave this shit a lotta thought," he said quietly and sipped the rest of the whiskey.
She heaved a long sigh and picked up her glass as well. "Yeah, well, therapy helped..." she muttered and drank some whiskey, leaving just a sip-full more in the glass. "I did a lot of growing up these past few years."
Duo let out a small, bitter, chuckle. "Yeah, sounds like it," he remarked solemnly and placed his empty glass back down. He circled its rim with his finger. "I for one can't stand it... some dickhead tellin' me what I'm feelin' and why... pisses me off." He looked up, offering her an apologetic smile. "Anyhow, I appreciate the insight," he concluded. "It sounds about right. Wish you woulda told me this shit sooner..."
Relena smirked. "Never..." she let out smugly and finished her drink with a quick gulp. She placed the glass back down. "At least not back then," she added solemnly. "I couldn't stand you, Duo... I thought you were a real jerk. I didn't like it that you brought out the worse in Heero," she confessed; "I was young... naïve... I didn't realize how much he needed that outlet. I guess that in retrospect, I was kind of a jerk too."
Duo snorted, rolling his eyes, and the two then shared a knowing smile.
The silence resumed. Duo sat slumped forward and snatched the empty whiskey bottle. He rolled it back and forth on the table absentmindedly. The glass made a rumbling scrapping noise as it was rolled up and down the wooden surface. Relena returned to nibbling on the cake quietly, her eyes following the movement of the bottle as Duo continued playing with it: up and down... up and down... back and forth... until he stopped, placing a hand on top of it to stop its momentum.
"Your kid..." he mumbled, staring numbly at the immobile bottle; "What's the story there?" he dared asking, looking up cautiously to meet her eyes; "Did it... did she help bring you two any closer?"
Relena shook her head and swallowed the cake in her mouth. "Not the way you'd think..." she murmured and leaned back into her seat, raising her arms up to hug herself. She didn't look up from the table as she continued speaking.
"I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after Heero left for the US. I kept the whole thing secret... avoiding the media. I didn't tell him about his daughter until Elizabeth was a year and a half old," she said; "I didn't want him to feel obligated to come back just because of her, you know? I didn't want to be that woman... That would have been unfair."
Duo nodded in agreement.
"It took a while to sink with him, I think," Relena continued; "He didn't know what to make of it. I sent him photos from time to time... but he never asked to see Lizzie in person." she paused, closing her eyes sadly for a moment, before opening them again, keeping her gaze fixed on the table. "To be frank," she resumed quietly, "I hardly saw her myself. I was too focused on my career." She exhaled a miserable sigh and reached a hand under the table and behind her back, aiming for her jeans' back pocket. She pulled out a small black leather wallet – a man's wallet – and held it carefully in both hands as she placed it over the table. Duo watched her mutely, his cobalt eyes focused on the ragged black wallet.
"Shaw gave it to me once the forensics team was done with it," Relena mumbled and opened the wallet. Duo's eyes were immediately drawn to the driver's license inside the ID window – Heero's license. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and watched Relena sneak a finger under the driver's license, pulling out a small passport-size photo.
"I found this when I..." her voice trailed off with a sigh. She bowed her head down sadly, shook it, took a deep breath and looked back at Duo. She held the small photo gently between two trembling fingers, and showed it to him.
"That's her," she whispered shakily, a tragic smile tugging at the edges of her lips. Duo hesitated a moment before casting his eyes down to look at the small photograph. It was a photo-booth picture of a dark-blonde toddler with deep-blue eyes and rosy cheeks, smiling sweetly at the camera while sitting on the lap of a young brunette.
"Elizabeth was brought up by her nanny... Cassandra," Relena explained quietly and placed the photograph carefully back in its place. "I couldn't be bothered," she added mournfully and tucked Heero's wallet back into her back pocket. "I never wanted to be a mother at twenty, but letting her go was not an option... she was Heero's child. I just... I couldn't. He had already left and I... I just couldn't let her go as well. Call it an adopted child's complex... whatever, I don't know. It was selfish, but she was all I had after he left."
"And then she... You lost her?" Duo asked carefully.
Relena's eyes watered and she hurried to wipe her tears away. She nodded her head.
"Heero had never seen her in person before Christmas 202," she explained, "but then the Peace-Celebrations Committee decided to hold the ceremony in DC that year, so I had an excuse to come over. I brought Lizzie with me. I never gave him the heads-up and just showed up with his daughter... never leaving him the option to bolt," she smiled forlornly; "I pulled some strings and asked in advance that he'd be assigned to my security detail. Manipulative, I know, but I think he was used to it by then. We used to fight about it all the time..." She shook her head, sighing before she digressed any further.
"Anyway, Cassandra, Lizzie's nanny, she took her on a tour of the capital while I worked. Heero was appointed as their escort. I figured that way he could at least spend one day with his daughter under the safe pretense of a guardian. They were all in the wrong place at the wrong time when..." her voice trailed off, fading into sad silence.
"The DC Incident?" Duo whispered the question, encouraging her to go on. Relena nodded a 'yes', her eyes tearing up again.
"Thirteen were taken hostage at the Museum of Natural History..." she mumbled, her voice quaking with suppressed tears; "Cassandra... she was the third to be executed, four hours into the whole mess. By then I was already in the Situation Room at the White House. I saw every single one of the videos those bastards sent us before each execution. I... I thanked God each time there was someone else on that screen instead of Lizzie or Heero... even when Cassie's video started playing I... I was relieved it wasn't them. Terrible, I know..."
"No... not terrible," Duo disagreed softly; "Just human."
She nodded, thankful for his understanding. She inhaled a deep breath, trying to find the strength to continue her tale.
"Heero did whatever he could to ensure Lizzie's survival. I... I feel sick just thinking about it. They... they mutilated him... did just for the fun of it. His injuries were extensive, but there was not one scratch on her. He protected her against such grim odds... He let them do such awful things to him... He told them anything they wanted to know, kept them talking, made himself valuable enough not to kill... so they won't kill Lizzie. That's why they were the last. By the time Zechs got there... Heero was barely alive. They... they... the abuse was... beyond inhuman. He endured it, just for her sake. Preventer had to update all of their security protocols... They made so many changes because of what he told them... He didn't care. He did everything he could... and then she died on my watch."
She paused for a few dramatic moments, trying to compose herself, before telling the rest of the story:
"I wasn't used to doing it all by myself... never really got the hang of it, and suddenly I was with her alone. All I wanted was to get him some clothes to the hospital, so he'd be more comfortable. It was a long hospitalization and he wasn't going to be home anytime soon, so..." Her voice was shaking; she paused again, trying to calm down. "I went to his place to get some things," she continued; "I turned my back on Elizabeth for one minute, one damn minute, but that was enough. She wandered off to another part of his apartment. For a while it was quiet and then... then I heard the gunshot. She found one of his guns... she played with it and..." Relena's tears overflowed as the guilt overwhelmed her. They streamed silently down her pale cheeks as she finished the story. "She shot herself in the chest... the paramedics couldn't save her."
By that point Duo's eyes were also gleaming with tears. He sniffled and looked the other way, wiping them swiftly even though she could probably see. Relena wiped away her own tears before speaking again.
"Heero couldn't have made it to the funeral... he couldn't possibly have left the hospital yet, so I... I told him after it was over... when he was... when he was a bit better. He was already torn up about the DC Incident and he... he took it hard. Really hard. He... he broke... a total breakdown. It took him months to recover and he... he was never... never really the same afterwards. Something... broke. I broke it... and now it can't be fixed."
Unable to keep the tears at bay any longer, Relena cried, her words drowned by pitiful sobs.
"I'm the one at fault, but he still blames himself. It... he... he... That's why he keeps his gun up there, on the fridge. It's the strangest habit, but he... he regrets leaving it in plain sight that day... so much... and it helps him feel better, somehow... knowing it's out of reach. That's why he forgot it, Duo... He went out there without his gun that night because it was on the stupid fridge!" she cried, hurting; "God... that son of a bitch has him and it's all my fault."
Duo was about to open his mouth and say something, but she stopped him before he could get a word in.
"It is, I know it is," she insisted. "It's not fair that he has to torment himself about something I did wrong. How could he have possibly known that a child would be there to find it? It wasn't his fault. I should have been paying more attention to her... I shouldn't have taken her along with me in the first place... but I couldn't let her out of my sight after what happened. She wandered off for less than a minute, I swear, but... but it was enough." She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself from sobbing.
"Sometimes I think he that he does blames me..." she added quietly, bowing her head down in shame; "...but not for her death. He blames me for not taking it as hard as he had. He couldn't move on, but I have..." She looked up at Duo, her eyes shining with a few remaining tears. "It's strange, isn't it? He was only a part of her life for a day and he... he cherishes that day more than I cherished the time I had with her... all the time I could have had if I wasn't so focused on my career."
Duo was speechless, tears blocking his throat. All he could do was look at her while his heart bled with sorrow for Heero and, for the first time ever, for her as well.
"We agreed to visit her grave together each year," she said; "Every Christmas... close to her birthday. She died two weeks after her birthday. She had just turned three..." she sighed sadly; "Heero tried to make it last year, but it was too hard, too soon... he couldn't. This year he's decided to avoid it all together. I was trying to convince him to try again, but he... he said he was working on an important case... that he couldn't. And now... now it turns out that he was willing to play bait in this sick game instead of facing her grave again. God... I wish he hadn't used this case as an excuse... He could have been in DC with me, right now, instead of in the hands of that madman. All those years passed since the war ended and he still... he still thinks his life is something he could just throw away and no one would care. He's convinced that he suffers alone... he has no idea how much I suffer with him."
She looked up, meeting Duo's tearful eyes through anguished eyes of her own.
"He is going to die, Duo," she determined somberly; "He will let that man kill him without ever making that call. After all those years he's still waiting for something to kill him. He... he's determined to die alone and unloved... punished for every possible sin, even mine. He wants that redemption, Duo. He wants what that psycho is going to offer him... and there's nothing I can do about it."
"But you're hoping I can?" Duo realized quietly.
Relena leaned forward, gazing deeply into his eyes. "I broke his heart, Duo..." she whispered shamefully; "I need you to fix the mess I made. I need you to get over your own heartbreak and help him. I need you to be the things I couldn't be... the things you couldn't be back then. He needs you... now more than ever. It's up to you now..." she cast her gaze back down, leaning into her seat tiredly. "I'm sorry, I... I can't save him."
*     *     *
Somewhere far from there, time and space existed in a whole different manner. It was a private hell; a dark, horrid place with its own rules and reason, like another dimension. Life there had its own pace, its own logic and order; a routine that erased everything else until it seemed natural to live that way, like he had never lived any other way. The present became a terrible constant, stretching into both past and future... vanquishing all hope. Time no longer had meaning in such a place. Past and present mingled; dream and reality blending together into a solid existence soaked with agony, blood and tears. Images, sounds and sensations – some real, some not – hazed in and out of the fog, washing over him like continual waves eroding the surface of his sanity.
He was hallucinating; dreaming of that dreadful night Zechs had rescued him and his daughter from the Museum of Natural History. There were piles of bodies on the floor. Zechs stepped over them as he approached the chair on which he was sitting, holding his little girl wrapped securely in his arms. He sat unnervingly still, gaping ahead in shock; his mind still unable to process the swift and merciless massacre he had just witnessed when suddenly every WFLM member in the room dropped dead to the floor right in front of him, a bloody hole in the center of their forehead.
The tall blond Preventer agent knelt before him and placed a strong, heavy hand on his uninjured right knee. He blinked and turned his only functioning eye to gaze numbly at the man. Zechs asked if he could stand, if he could walk, and he shook his head 'no', tears streaming uninhibited down his bloody cheeks. His knee was busted. Everything hurt. He had no more fight left in him... nothing. They had beaten everything out of him... brutally. He just wanted to go home... Please... take us home...
Zechs nodded gravely and stood up. He reached to take Elizabeth away from his arms, and he panicked, holding her tighter, refusing to let go. Zechs told him it was okay; he won't harm her. His arms shook, strained, unable to keep holding onto her so tightly. He let go, a sob escaping his split and bloody lips. It was hard letting her go... He should have never let her go...
Zechs placed Elizabeth gently on the floor next to the chair. She stood there, looking around, dazed... afraid. She didn't know the tall blond man was her uncle, just like she didn't know he was her father. Hopefully, she didn't understand anything of what happened that terrible night...
The tall agent hoisted him off the chair and placed him across his shoulders in a fireman's carry. He then picked the small girl up with one hand and held against this hip, wrapped in one arm like a sack of potatoes. He walked out of the kill zone carrying them both.
Heero remembered the humiliation and relief he felt being carried to safety by that man; once an enemy, now a savior. Zechs laid him carefully on the cold wet ground somewhere outside, where it was quiet... safe. No more dead bodies. The blond man knelt next to him and tried to assess his injuries. He remembered staring up dully at Zechs' focused expression and thinking that he could finally see the resemblance between Relena and her older brother. It was almost comforting, like she was there.
The older man asked where it hurt, but he couldn't answer. He was hurting everywhere; bones crushed, bloody wounds burning with infection, organs failing... a terrible fever coursing through him... He must have been in shock; adrenaline was probably the only thing that had kept him alive by that point.
Zechs tried to offer some relief. He told him that he did well; that Elizabeth was alright and that he did well. He broke into tears, sobbing as helplessly as a child. He couldn't remember much more, only that Zechs kept telling him that he had done the right thing and that everything would be alright... they were safe now. He just laid there on the moist grass and wept, beaten to absolute disgrace by shame, horror and unspeakable pain.
Everything hurt... so badly. His body was on fire, his every cell shrieking in agony. The pain did not originate from his drug-induced hallucination. In reality, his naked body was still restrained to a dentist-like chair in a dark and secluded room. Had he been conscious, he would have realized that the pain he felt was not due to the injuries he had sustained two years ago, but because his body was currently convulsing on the reclining chair, jerking wildly against the bonds holding him down while an ECT machine repeatedly fed high voltage into the electrodes plastered over his nude body. He was being electrocuted; 150 volts administered to his body every half of a second... again and again. His muscles were racked by spasms, his half-lidded eyes were rolled back into his head and his brain starved for oxygen as he writhed helplessly, a pained expression on his oblivious face.
In reality, there was no one there to save him, so Heero dreamed.
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[1] Aphasia is a condition characterized by either partial or total loss of the ability to communicate verbally or using written words following serious brain trauma. Roughly 50% of the time it is temporary and patients recover completely within a few days.

[i] In medicine, a contraindication is a specific situation in which a drug, procedure, or surgery should not be used because it may be harmful to the patient. Relative contraindication means that caution should be used when two drugs or procedures are used together. Absolute contraindication means that event or substance could cause a life-threatening situation. A procedure or medication that falls under this category should be avoided.
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