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All of My Hate	By : TristaML Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7494 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any of it's characters and I do not make any money from writing this piece of fan fiction.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Thank you Cara, Kit-kit, and Prismakakkerra, There will be more insight to Vegeta's past and this is the beginning of their adventures in space... To Prisma, I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Will Vegeta ever slip up during mating"? So I don't know how to respond...
Either way I hope you all enjoy!
Thanks to everyone for reading!
::: Vacation :::
   Goku sat pouting as they waited on the Capsule Corp balcony for Huntre to return. He murmured, "I took that shot for nothing." Vegeta, who stood at his side, laughed as he went on to say, "I could have stopped you if I wanted to," implying he did it for him.
   "Like hell you could have. I think your shock at the needle took away your strength. It was nothing to hold you down."
   Goku, not sure Vegeta understood his implication, retorted as a side note, "That drink didn't work."
   "Enough," Vegeta replied and at this point he began to question how Kakarot was able to go under the knife and wondered what concoction they must have given him to put him down. The Prince had been excited when Bulma said she thought she'd found some sort of chemical balance that, when ingested, might spur on the growth of even Kakarot's surgically removed tail.
   Goku watched as the common frown Vegeta usually sports coming back to his lips. Obviously he wanted to end the conversation so Goku said no more on the topic and began to liven up after a few moments. He was mad about getting a shot but he knew Vegeta was even more disheartened that he didn't get his tail back, so he could forgive it. Soon after he felt Huntre's ki signature approaching and was able to spot him in the distance. He stood to attention, everything they needed for the trip just a pocket and capsule away.
   Huntre greeted them kindly, a smug look on his face. He wasted no time, asking, "Are you both ready to go?"
   Vegeta nodded, Kakarot verbally replied with, "Yeah, what's the plan?"
   Huntre smiled, "I've got a quick ship, crew and all, ready for you just a few hundred yards from here, outside of the city. I will be in my own ship ahead of you." He looked fully at Vegeta, "Times have changed, Prince, it will no longer take over a year to get to far-off planets like Nartal. Only a week."
   "Wow!" Kakarot exclaimed, "That's faster than I hoped!"
   Vegeta nodded before adding, "Let's go."
   They arrived in no time and took their places inside the large craft. Huntre followed them inside and introduced them to the crew before bidding them farewell. All unimportant. In fact, the trip itself was insignificant.
   Skipping forward...
   The planet Nartal was rather large in comparison to Earth, but of like environment. Goku looked around, but all he could see at the moment were the hundreds of people yelling at them and a couple hundred yards behind them, an enormous building. Huntre was quick to intercept them upon arrival, hoping to make certain that whatever publicity such an appearance might make would be an official one. There were people with large cameras, a sort of "welcoming committee," if one could call it that. They cried out to the newcomers, flashes of light going off in the faces of the only remaining Saiyans. Vegeta seemed unfazed, continuing forward with regal strides, but Goku couldn't help but become involved in all the bustle about them, smiling and waving like an imbecile. Huntre found Goku's behavior interesting and amusing but Vegeta ignored him.
   "Hey, Vegeta," Goku said as they walked through the path given by the crowd, "What do you think this is all about?"
   "Hush!" He answered in a low growl, taking deliberate steps towards the estate.
   "Sheesh!" Goku replied, but left everything else he thought unsaid.
   They entered a large mansion, and the foremost question on Goku's mind was who it could possibly belong to, and why this event seemed so important to these people. Vegeta had yet to say anything.
   Huntre offered some insight with, "I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here, first. It was the quickest way to get you out of sight. Very few locations have direct spaceship landing areas as a part of their quarters, and even though the landing areas are public, this place, I assure you, is not. Besides, this is where you are to reside for the duration of your trip."
   "Where are we?" Vegeta demanded, though he was much more composed than Goku.
   Huntre's smile broadened, 'I thought you would have guessed by now." Seeing the scowl on Vegeta's face he knew he shouldn't delay so he explained, "This is Renjiamori's home. He will meet you here at dusk."
   "Amori...(?!)" Vegeta involuntarily whispered.
   Goku looked at Vegeta, "You know him?"

   There was something else in Vegeta's eyes as he replied, quietly and with hesitance, "Only from my past."
   Huntre smiled but said nothing on the matter as he beckoned them to follow with, "Here, let me show you to your rooms." He went on to talking but about what Goku had no clue, he wasn't listening and Vegeta couldn't focus.
   At any moment the man could pop up. He might be just around the next corner...
   Goku felt as though he was back in Princess Snake's Palace. So many decorations, so much furniture, and so many pictures. As they walked past one of the many rooms he stopped at a half-open doorway to stare inside curiously. He almost couldn't believe what he saw. It was a picture of someone who looked like Vegeta, but it couldn't be him. He ventured further into the room to get a closer look. The man is too tall, and he has a beard. His hair is a lighter color, too. Still, his armor is similar to what Vegeta used to wear... Could this be... his father?
   "What are you doing?! We're supposed to be--" Vegeta stopped scolding Goku in mid-sentance as his gaze fell upon the nearly life-sized portrait.
   The two men stood in silence, both for different reasons. Finally, Vegeta gave the information he knew Kakarot would clamor for, "My father," Vegeta held out a hand, just as he touched the picture they were interrupted.
   "Well, I was going to show you to your room so you could get settled and then give you a tour but if you'd rather have the tour first I understand. You don't have much baggage to drop off, anyways," Huntre joked.
   Vegeta turned around angrily and said, "Since when do you work for Renjiamori, Huntre?"
   Huntre was not fazed by his outburst in the least, in fact, it seemed to delight him even more. He replied, "I don't. We simply have mutual interests. I'm doing him a favor by seeing to it that you made trip here and he's paying me handsomely for it."
   "You--"
   "Oh, Prince Vegeta, what does it matter? We both know this was inevitable, your trial and everything," He laughed, "Well, inevitable in the terms of you still being alive for it, that much I can't say I was counting on."
   Goku frowned but remained silent.
   Vegeta calmed down considerably, his demeanor became serene and eerie and he replied with, "Show us to our room."
   "Only because I'm being paid," from the corner of Huntre's eye he gave them a sharp look and then he turned his back to them completely.
   Huntre's demeanor completely changed, Goku could tell, but he left it at that. The rest of the walk seemed to last an eternity, what with Vegeta's fuming and the silence. Still, he dared not speak until he was alone with his boyfriend. He couldn't understand the change of mood in either of the men, but he figured he couldn't do anything to make it better and obedience at least wouldn't make it worse.
   Once they reached their room Vegeta was quick to tell Huntre, "You may go."
   Huntre seemed a little off-put, but he still replied, "I'll be seeing the two of you around, very soon." he left quickly after that, a smug smirk plastered to his face.
   "Vegeta,"
   "Not now," Vegeta dismissed him and headed to the showers.
   Goku huffed but let it go. He was used to letting things go by now, perhaps a bit too used to it. He jumped onto the large bed and settled himself in, after taking his boots off and resting his head in his arms he found sleep all too alluring and dozed off within minutes.
   ---
   Renjiamori...
   Vegeta knew the name and the man all too well. He could see him now, just as the children they once were. Well, at least as the child he once was, twenty-three is still very young. Amori was seven years older than him.
   Once up a time, in the distant and nearly forgotten past, Renjiamori met the young and stubborn Prince Vegeta and fell in love, and his love was unlike Vegeta had never seen or heard of much less known on a personal level.
   ---
   "Prince Vegeta," A man spoke to him with a simple voice, deep but calming, and a hand came to his chest, "I know it's you, I've seen your pictures. I'm here to help."
   Vegeta had no voice at the moment and if it wasn't for the obscurity of someone new speaking to him, he might have had no recollection of these moments at all, only a dull pain that would soon be stronger once he recovered a little. He felt the hand as it moved to his forehead and he tried his best not to whimper. He couldn't see the look in the stranger's eyes but he could sense the pity this man felt for him and he hated it.
   The hand withdrew and moments passed drowned in throbbing before, finally, a wet cloth was drawn to his arm and laid across it gently. Soon after it was removed and a sharp needle sunk its way inside. Vegeta moaned involuntarily, opening his eyes to the face of a handsome man, who seemed more concerned than he ought to be, considering they don't know each other, and Vegeta has no heart for this kind of treatment.
   "Talk to me," the man said quietly but in a serious tone.
   "Whhuu..." was all Vegeta could manage, and stubbornly at that.
   "Come on, say something," The man lifted his head up, watching as eyes fluttered open and then closed.
   Vegeta moaned again, slightly shaking his head, he answered, "Wwhere...?"
   The man put a cold glass to his lips and commanded, "Drink." Vegeta hesitated but opened his mouth a little bit, anyways. He could hear the smile in his voice as he said, "Drink as much as you can."
   Vegeta did, and then turned over violently and heaved. It became clear he was laying on a comfortable bed in a room he'd never been in. He tried to catch his breath but continued to puke with no control over himself.
   "Let it out," the man said, laying his hand on Vegeta's back, stroking him gently up and down, up and down.
   Vegeta moaned and shuddered. "What h-happ..." he choked out.
   "Relax..."
   When Vegeta was ready, the man helped him back to a laying position. He placed his hand onto his head again and commented, "You are badly wounded and to top it off you're ill. You haven't been taking very good care of yourself but the shot I gave you should stabilize you enough to sleep through the night."
   Vegeta gave no response, nearly asleep already.
   The stranger added, "When you wake, I will be here."
   Vegeta felt little comfort in those words but fell asleep effortlessly.
   Upon waking, there grew a pain in his head, in his chest, in his legs, and a very dull one in his left bicep. He soon realized it was the pain that caused him to stir and though he knew that moving wouldn't be a good idea he insisted on sitting up.
   "Wait a minute," a familiar voice called, and pushed him back into the cushions he currently laid on.
   "Don't..." Vegeta began but couldn't think of anything else to add due to the pain he found himself in.
   The man put a cold glass to his lips and the memories of the night before came flooding back. He went on a mission and nearly died completing it. He remembered the voice and the coolness of a drink from the night before given to him in a similar manner. This time he opened his eyes to look at the person who was forcing him to drink this liquid. Upon meeting his gaze he found he couldn't look away.
   The stranger asked, "How do you feel? You must be hungry?"
   Vegeta finished drinking, livening at last with his thirst quenched for the moment, he replied, "I am fine, I am a Saiyan," He looked down, licking his lips and admitted, "and I'm starving."
   A smile crossed the man's face, he seemed amused and he chuckled.
   Vegeta wiped his lips clear of the liquid and, despite his body's cries to lie still, he got up onto his arms, still staring into the other's eyes.
   "I have food prepared for you. I was hoping you would wake up soon. Stay here."
   Vegeta watched him go curiously. He was exhausted and in a great deal of pain, it wasn't like he was going anywhere. He laid back down, complacent at the moment.
   When the man returned there was no shortage on the food available to him and it was all so delicious. Vegeta didn't even think to question where he was or how long he'd been out as he ate, he simply ate, and every moment he felt better because of it.
   The other male watched him, studying him closely, but he remained silent, picking up empty plates and moving things out of the way as the Prince inhaled everything around him.
   Vegeta caught the small smile on his face and frowned around his full mouth before he swallowed and barked, "What's so funny?!"
   The man smiled warmly. He said, "Nothing, I'm happy to see that you're awake and doing so much better."
   Vegeta cautiously went back to eating the food offered to him, filling up quickly after.
   The other began to remove plates from around him and Vegeta finally asked, "Who are you?"
   The man never stopped what he was doing, as though he was used to it, he replied, "My name is Renjiamori. Most people call me Renji."
   Vegeta snorted, "Then I will call you Amori."
   Renjiamori could not disguise his startled look at such a response but he smiled and said with another chuckle, "Amori works, too."
   Vegeta humphed and laid back into the bed, he didn't want to sleep anymore, but his body told him he must.
   Renjiamori drew closer as his eyes drifted closed again and he told him that he would be there when he woke up.
   Vegeta silently hoped that he was.
   When Vegeta woke up for the third time Amori was not there and although that was not the first thought that popped into his head upon waking, something still caused him to think about the man.
   He sat up slowly, feeling infinitely better, and even ventured to get out of the bed. Not thinking much on it, he found the nearest bathroom, which was in the large bedroom on the far wall, and did his business before showering.
   Once he left the showers he found himself in a dilemma; he has no clean clothes. As he dried off and wrapped a towel around his trim waist he planned to head back out into the bedroom in hopes of finding something suitable in the simple furnishings.
   "Amori!" He cried, straightening up upon finding the man already in his room, sitting on the bed, seeming to be looking at the time. He was too shocked to be embarrassed.
   "Prince Vegeta," his eyes flickered over him. He stood up and bowed, telling him, "Saiyans really are remarkable creatures. You've healed up so fast in the past week."
   "Week?" Vegeta asked, almost alarmed, it had only seemed like a few days.
   Amori nodded and replied, "Don't worry, I've already contacted Frieza, he knows where you are, but as far as he knows, you're still not well."
   "Frieza!"
   "Yes, I work for Frieza, too."
   "Frieza!" Vegeta couldn't seem to put his frustration into words.
   Renjiamori seemed to have predicted his reaction as he said, "Calm down." His deep eyes stirred with a certain power that even the Prince of all Saiyans felt should be adhered to.
   "You work for Frieza?" Vegeta asked, disbelieving, "I have never met you before."
   The man seemed a bit spacey as he replied, "It's a new predicament I find myself in."
   Thin-lipped, Vegeta didn't respond.
   Renjiamori smiled warmly at him and Vegeta thought he saw a hint of emotion on his otherwise flawless face, though he couldn't name it. "I think I have some armor that will fit you and if you're up to it, I'd like to take a walk with you. Some fresh air should do us both some good."
   "Why are you helping me?" Vegeta immediately went on the defense.
   "Why shouldn't I help you?" he answered simply enough.
   Vegeta didn't know how to respond so in his uncertainty he came up with, "You don't know me."
   Renjiarmori was not as quick to respond but once he did he said, "I would like to think you and I could get to know one another." He left his room after that, taking his solid and alluring presence with him, off to get the armor he promised the young man.
   Vegeta stood, wrapped not only in his towel but in his thoughts.
   No time at all passed before Renjiamori came back. No words were exchanged as he gave Vegeta the clothing and his privacy. He waited for him outside of the room patiently, expecting him to go for a walk with him without really thinking that the other might not want to go. Vegeta emerged slowly and the two of them exchanged somewhat scrutinizing stares for a moment longer than necessary. Amori said, "Follow me, if you'd like."
   Vegeta could have said no but he decided that he'd rather talk a little more with him and that getting some exercise would be ideal at the moment. He had more freedom in this moment than he could remember having since he was eight years old.
   Their time together at first was spent in silence as they walked through the house and into the wilderness that surrounded it. Each man seemed to be thinking about their own private circumstances and not so much about the here and now.
   Eventually Renjiamori did speak up to say, "I ought to tell you that Raditz and Nappa were left behind on your last mission. You were the only one I found, but they have been rescued, and they are back on Frieza's ship." He saw that Vegeta held little interest in that information so he carried on with, "I must admit Zarbon seemed quite concerned about you and I wouldn't be surprised if he shows up here to take you back to Frieza at his earliest convenience."
   Vegeta "humphed," his nose in the air, but his face otherwise expressionless, and Renjiamori sensed a great deal more pride in him than the rumors had ever indicated.
   He added, "As I mentioned, I have not told them that you are awake and doing much better. I figured..." he began to stall. When Vegeta glanced his direction he finished with, "You should have a break," he shrugged his shoulders, "Everybody deserves a vacation."
   Vegeta had yet to say anything to this man, contemplating only on what was being said.
   Likewise, Renjiamori seemed only interested in getting him to speak.
   Vegeta couldn't help but feel the necessity to curb his thoughts on the man beside him, which was difficult since he took little interest in the scenery about them.
   "Not much for conversation?" Renjiamori joked.
   Vegeta snapped his head towards him and answered, "I thought you had more to say."
   The stranger's expression changed greatly and his footsteps slowed down before he stopped walking altogether. Vegeta took a few more strides ahead of him but stopped as well, turning to meet his gaze full on.
   The man stood tall, and Vegeta had to admit what he already knew, that he was, indeed, very handsome. His eyes held an eerie blue-green and his hair was shaggy and cascaded around his face in layered and loose curls, ending above the shoulders, with a dark brown tint, even in the middle of the day. His lips weren't too big or too small, and his nose was distinct in that it shaped his face nicely, and to add to it, he had a very distinct jaw line, riddled with a complete and trimmed beard. Once Vegeta looked closer at him, he seemed to be of great intelligence and grace. His shoulders were square and not hunched, and although he wasn't a bulky man, thin is not how you would describe him either, what with his broad shoulders and and thick neck. He wore a fitted black quarter sleeve shirt with work out pants and boots, but the way he carried himself was as if he were laden with heavy armor.
   Finally he answered, "I may have things to say that I may or may not discuss depending on my mood. I was only asking if you had anything to say. I never asked anything more of you than to go on a walk."
   Vegeta couldn't deny what he said to be true, so he replied, "Fine," and with Amori's guidance, they continued their walk in a strangely comfortable silence.
   ---
   The water ran cold since Vegeta had been standing in the shower for so long. He got out upon noticing the not-so-soothing sensation and dried himself off quickly. He headed back out into the bedroom only to find Kakarot asleep on the bed, tangled in the blankets.
   He couldn't blame him for being tired. They'd stayed up many nights on the ship talking about frivolous things. Just the excitement of going to Nartal made them both tired on the trip. Vegeta, however, refused to go to bed so soon. He had half a mind to wake Kakarot up, but decided it'd be best to let him be. That way he'd have more time to think things over for himself and decide how he wanted to handle the situation.
   It's been so long since he's seen Renjiamori. Maybe he has a new lover. Maybe he already knows about Kakarot. Maybe, even if neither of those things are true, he has simply moved on and only wishes to catch up with an old ally.
   Vegeta couldn't quite understand why he so desperately wanted answers. He hadn't thought about the man in years and it wasn't as if he always thought of him as the end all be all. He could admit, though, if only to himself, that Amori became more than he had ever hoped for and more than he ever expected... but... that was all in the past.

   Kakarot never left him wanting for anything. Kakarot made his heart flutter and his mind whirl. Kakarot is the only man who could ever understand him and the only man who could handle him.
   He and Kakarot, though, don't have the stable relationship he and Renjiamori once had, so long ago. There's so much second-guessing, and so much game-play involved in their relationship. [Whose fault is that?]
   Why is this even an issue? Why is he thinking about taking the chance to cheat on Kakarot...?
   "Vegeta?"
   Vegeta's breath hitched as he turned to look at Kakarot, who was rousing from his brief nap.
   Goku smiled at him, "What are you doing? You just got out of the shower?"
   Vegeta hesitated but answered, "Yes."
   Goku yawned and complained, "I'm getting hungry."
   Vegeta nodded, and told him they'd get some food once he got dressed.
   Goku agreed to those terms happily.
   They hardly talked during their lunch.
   ::: Precocious :::
   Shortly after eating, which was a silent but pleasant feast, the two Saiyans were approached cautiously by a young-looking man, who told them their presence was requested immediately and they were to follow him. Of course they couldn't refuse and they knew very well who was expecting them, one Saiyan more than the other, so they left.
   Goku continued to look around as they traveled the maze of luxurious halls. This time they saw people, servants, Vegeta guessed, that they hadn't seen earlier. There were also multitudes of pictures and artifacts all around them that Goku couldn't understand but Vegeta had some recollection of from his travels. Vegeta tried to keep his eyes ahead, but couldn't help the nervousness of seeing Renjiamori after all these years. Goku thought he saw a bit of fidgeting from him but didn't question it, especially not in front of this stranger, who hardly said a word himself until they came upon a large opening. As they got closer the young man said something in a foreign language to two men who stood side by side in front of large twin doors.
   The man turned back to them and said, "You will enter this way," as the doors were opened.
   Vegeta and Goku walked in together. Goku glanced around, noting how the sun seemed to gleam into the giant room with a golden shine, but Vegeta looked straight ahead, hoping and yet dreading to see Renjiamori.
   There he stood, his back to them as he looked outside a large window. Vegeta knew it was him even before he turned around to the sound of the opening doors. He looked more regal than ever, with an onyx cape and steel armor.
   When he did turn around he seemed nervous as well but excitement took hold of him and he cried, "Prince Vegeta!" in a deeper voice than he last remembered.
   Vegeta couldn't help the ease that came over him as the man called his name and headed hurriedly his way. Renjiamori wasted no time wrapping his long arms around his old friend. The strong hold he had on him seemed to last forever. Vegeta briefly hid a smile into his shoulder and hugged him back for a moment before pulling away. He never was a man for much sentimental touching.
   Renjiamori looked amazing, his hair still shaggy and his jaw still set, with a vibrant smile covering his face. He praised, "I've missed seeing you."
   Vegeta nodded, hiding his emotions the best he could. The two reunited men turned to Goku and Vegeta introduced him, "This is Kakarot. Most people call him..."
   "Goku!" Renjiamori's booming voice was only equalled by his enthusiastic smile. He put a hand on each of his shoulders, "I have heard so many things about you! Great things! You killed Frieza! We will toast to such a feat!"
   "Well," Goku laughed, scratching the back of his head. He was going to argue that wasn't entirely true but a cough from Vegeta told him he should let it be for now.
   "I'm Renjiamori, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm more than happy that you came with Vegeta, I hope you feel the same," as Goku nodded and smiled he let go of his shoulders and turned back to Vegeta.
   The two of them continued catching up, mostly with meaningless sentiments of the "how have ya been's," while in reality they probably had much more important things to talk about. Their joy in seeing one another was hidden with a practiced technique and they kept their conversation quiet, even while standing so close to Goku, as though what they were saying was very private.
   In the meantime Goku took a good long look at the man who invited them to stay here. He is slightly taller than himself and a little thinner but still defined. Goku wondered what type of creature he is. He wasn't a Saiyan, at least. He is a good-looking man, though, with a charming smile and wit in his eyes. He looks a little older than Vegeta, what with the slight graying in his beard, but not by much. How old is he? Goku began to wonder what he does for a living to afford such a home. As he watched Renjiamori grab onto Vegeta's hand and hold it gently, he wanted to know how the two of them know one another.
   Goku was taken out of his thoughts before they were finished as he heard the man telling Vegeta he was sorry for not being there when he first arrived and asked how Huntre treated him. The two men laughed, although Vegeta never answered him and then Renjiarmori turned to Goku and said, "I want to have a celebration tonight, we'll discuss the details of everything else tomorrow. What do you say?"
   Goku laughed and agreed adding, "Vegeta's not much of a party goer, though." As he said it he wasn't sure what came over him to speak for Vegeta, he's never done that.
   Renjiamori didn't seemed fazed at all as he replied, "He will be a more than accommodating 'party goer' tonight."
   Vegeta couldn't help but smirk and roll his eyes at him.
   "Unfortunately I have to go right now," Renjiamori finally let go of Vegeta's hands and explained, "I'll send someone to your room for you in a few hours. Until then, makes yourselves at home have a look around, but don't exhaust yourself, Vegeta, I have some things I want to show you later myself."
   What does that mean? Goku thought. Then immediately he wondered, Am I... jealous?
   Renjiamori already said his good-bye to Vegeta and was nodding his head at Goku and telling him good-bye as well when Goku snapped out of it. He smiled, "Bye, thanks for everything."
   The man smiled and practically ran out of the room, Vegeta's eyes following him the whole time.
   Goku stared at Vegeta, not sure he wanted him to know about his self-conscious concerns. When Vegeta's eyes met his the Prince asked, "What would you like to do now?"
   "Oh," Goku silently made an effort to consider the options,"I guess we should take that tour... on second thought, I should to get back into my training soon, it's been a while."
   Vegeta replied, "You and I both, but tomorrow I will be busy, so I'd take your chance then. I'll just have to catch up on it later. Let's go have a look around."
   ::: Silence :::
   I have failed to comprehend the deepest and darkest inner workings of Vegeta's soul. I have hardly ever considered anyone else's opinion on anything. Everything I have ever dealt with has always been cut and dry, but it isn't so with Vegeta. He has needs just like everyone else, but he's so unclear about what they are.
   He is a plague to me in the strangest ways. I feel that I constantly let him down, but he never confronts me about it. Or does he, in his own way?
   Am I just that selfish that I can't tell?

   I feel lost and at home all at the same time with Vegeta... Am I supposed to get so sentimental? Even when I get little emotion back from him?
   Will his walls, his layers, his maze of insistent solitude forever continue to be more powerful than me? Must I continue to try to make it work? Why does it have to be so confusing? Why do I have to try so hard?
   Sometimes it isn't hard at all and sometimes it's hellacious.
   When is enough, enough?
   I know in my heart I can't just let him go. If I were to say we need a break, like he did to me, in hopes of him coming back like he did before... I don't think he would. I think he is so stubborn that just because I initiated it, he would never come back to me and I can't bare the thought of losing him, especially if it was my own damn fault.
   He needs to learn a lesson though. He needs to realize my importance to him. I need to know my importance to him, or else I'll be stuck continuing to fall for him and it will all be for nothing.
   Will we ever understand one another? Will we ever be honest with one another?
   I have some skeletons in my closet, too, maybe that's why I hesitate to start a fight. It'll be a fight against his ego and his better judgement, and I'm not sure I can win either one.
- 5
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All of My Hate