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Vegeta's Tail	By : MzD Category: Dragon Ball Z > Het - Male/Female > Vegeta/Bulma Views: 5250 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z.
Author's Note: Yes my rat Doyle really is gay. Though he has died since I originally wrote this chapter, his memory shall live on! Anyway enough of gay rats on with the story! Time to be afraid....very afraid....

Chapter 7

Bulma Cooks!
Bulma looked at the cooking instructions again. Her mother had been kind enough to give her the ingredients and one of her simplest cook books. It was plastered with helpful notes like, 'onions need peeling' and 'don't use chilli pepper seeds'. Bulma growled to herself. She was a scientist, not a cook. She'd never had any interest in it.
Her father had told her to treat it like chemistry. To think of the ingredients as part of a formula. Each part had to be put together the right way or else it would blow up. Bulma wondered how a casserole could blow up by putting too much pepper in it; but she put it to the back of her mind, she needed to focus and show Vegeta that she could cook. She had brought her own items and her son to assist. Bulma looked at her little helper Trunks. He was sitting in his high chair playing with his toy car.
"You are going to help me?" She asked him. She was starting to feel desperate now.
Trunks looked at his Mother and smiled. "Yup."
"We're going to make a delicious three course meal for your Daddy."
"Jackass." Trunks clapped his hands.
"No, not Jackass, Daddy." Bulma said trying not to laugh. She still had Vegeta's very annoyed face at what Trunks had called him. "Okay first thing to do is put mushrooms in bowl and cover with boiling water."
Trunks nodded his head looking at the pile of black mushrooms. He had found in his short life when his mother started speaking to herself to try and pretend to understand. So nodding his head had become a survival tactic. She always looked so happy when he pretended he was listening to her.
"It says here 8 but lets times that by 20 for Saiyan appetite."
"20." Trunks mimicked. Another good trick to pretend to be listening. He was a quick learner.
Bulma read the instructions some more. "Giblets!" She squealed. "I'm not touching chicken guts!"
"Giblets!" Trunks liked that word.
"Oh, silly me it's optional." Bulma laughed as she saw the part her mother had underlined. "Now I put all the stuff in the big pot. Hah, this is easy, I am a genius after all." She threw the chicken stock and all the soup ingredients into the gallon sized cooking pot. Her mother had prepare lined up everything she needed so it wasn't too stressful. Bulma was hoping the so called easy recipes her mother had selected were really as easy as she thought.
"While chicken is cooking cut noodles with scissors. Ah shit the noodles are already in." Bulma frantically got out a ladle and tried taking the cellophane noodles out. "Just a little wet." Bulma tried to laugh it off.
Trunks stared at her with his skulking Vegeta look. The look that reminded her of his father. The look that said 'you are stupid sometimes.' She pouted and continued to laugh it off. She wasn't going to let this ruin her chance to butter up Vegeta. She wanted her honeymoon in space and the best way was through his stomach.
Bulma cut up her rescued noodles and put them in the boiling water. "Mom says now is a good time to make a start on the main course." Bulma said while reading the notes. "Cook the rice. How do you cook rice, oh wait here it is. Boil in pot of water exactly double measure of rice." Bulma shrugged and just dumped the ton of rice in a cold pot of water. "Like it matters." She muttered. "Rice isn't really carbon, it sounds like making carbon dioxide so 2 to 1 is it? Hmm, yeah, this works." Bulma started pulling out her pipette to refine her water level and took out a glass rod for stirring.
"Uh-oh." Trunks said quietly. He didn't like the mean face his mom had. She looked like she was about to do something bad. He was also sure a lot of the things Bulma had were taken from her Bubble lab. (Which is Chemistry laboratory in non-baby language.)
*************************
Vegeta stood in the gravity room. He wanted to train but he was still feeling the insult to his pride. It wasn't that his brat had filled his diaper on his arm. It was more the fact that Bulma had seen it. She had laughed at his weakness.
*We shall see who is the weakling tonight Woman.* He smirked. The bond was still to be completed, he had a lot more in mind for his mate. He set the gravity to 400g. He needed a light workout. One that wouldn't tire him. He knew Bulma being female she had to be able to cook, it was only natural for her. Only there was that sinking feeling that he was over simplifying things again. That he was overestimating something and he had that nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong.
He tried to shake it off and continued with his light training. 'I feel like I'll need all my strength.' He thought to himself.
*******************************
Bulma looked at the bubbling broth. It wasn't looking like chicken noodle soup yet. She added more water hoping that it wouldn't burn. Bits had began congealing to the bottom of the pot. Her glass rod wasn't really helping with the mixing as it usually did in her lab. She groaned in frustration as she scraped the bottom of the pot. The rice had over boiled and was repeating the soup by sticking to the bottom. The noodles were sticking together but at least they weren't at the bottom of the pot, they were just one giant clump of pasta. She drained the lump of noodles and put it aside.
Trunks had stopped paying attention to her. He was now really interested in his toy car. Bulma growled as she cut up the beef. She was imagining it was Vegeta's flesh.
"Better learn to cook woman." She mumbled imitating her spouse. "Not even considering going to Namek unless I get three decent meals. Jackass."
Trunks looked at Bulma. "No Jackass, pwince of sayas."
"That's prince of Saiyans dear." Bulma corrected. "No I'm wrong he's Prince of arrogant assholes."
"Arro...gant."Trunks tried saying. He liked all these words his mother used. "Ass...hoe."
"Asshole." Bulma repeated. She knew she wasn't going to win mother of the year teaching him these words. But it was the best entertainment she'd found while she worked out her frustrations. She looked at the black mass of mushrooms. The book said to drain them next. The Chinese mushrooms looked a bit gross. She wondered if she had ever eaten them before, or if her mother had done something to make them more appealing.
*No I'm going to do it. It is just like chemistry. I just have to make sure I do everything according to the instructions.* She thought to herself.
"Asshole, asshole, asshole."Trunks said over and over.
"Want to learn a new song?" Bulma asked."I made it up one of the times I broke up with Yamcha."
Trunks clapped his hands, he liked songs.
"He's an asshole, an asshole, an asshole!" Bulma sang as she drained the mushrooms. "When is he an asshole? All the time! Why is he an asshole? I don't know but he's an asshole an asshole an asshole!"
The song continued in the same fashion with the clunking of pans as Bulma threw them around the room. Trunks bopped his head along to the made up tune. For him it was just another day with his strange mother who was a flash of constant changing emotions. He knew that to survive he just went with it and continued the bobbing of his head.
*******************
Vegeta punched the droid. It smashed into tiny pieces against the wall. He looked at the clock. It was getting near 6. His stomach clenched. He still hadn't got rid of that bad feeling in his stomach. He had never experienced Bulma's cooking she'd always managed to have take-outs or her mother had prepare something. It didn't bode well for her skills but it was better than indulging the hideous flirting of the other woman, the so called elder of the household.
He stopped the gravity simulation. The hum of the machine died and Vegeta heard Bulma's voice. She was singing loudly. He couldn't make out her words, it was just noise. He knew she sounded like a screeching cat but she was his screeching cat. He paused to wonder if he would ever tell her that to tease her but knew she would take it as a compliment, she was weird like that.
Her singing was like a siren's call enticing him near. He opened the door. He could hear her words now. Vegeta frown got deeper.
"Because he's an asshole!" He heard her sing. "Asshole, asshole! ASSHOLE! Ah shit!"
Vegeta walked stiffly towards their quarters. He could smell her cooking. It didn't smell too bad but there was a slight charcoal hint. He opened the door with a thud. He was quite restrained he could have tore it off it's hinges.
"Woman." He snarled. Bulma looked at his angry face from the kitchen.
"Not now Vegeta, I'm kinda in an emergency." A cloud of smoke ballooned out behind her to add more drama to her words. The smoke alarm started bleeping. The high pitch noise hurt Trunks and Vegeta's sensitive hearing.
"Arrgghh woman what is that?" Vegeta shouted over the noise. He'd forgotten all about her insulting song or the need to scold her for teaching their son some more bad words.
"It's your curried rice." Bulma yelled back. Vegeta looked up to the source of the noise. He pointed his finger and fired a small Ki blast at the alarm. It exploded and the high pitched noise stopped.
Trunks watched all this fascinated. He pointed his own finger at the ceiling. "Pow, pow." He said imitating his father.
The smoke cleared as Bulma put the pot to the window. "I forgot about it." Bulma said sheepishly. "I was just singing and I got a little carried away, argh the timing is different from the book! Wait was it suppose to be that high?"
Bulma was just chattering away to herself madly as she felt the panic of it all going horribly wrong. She had no chance to tidy up or to order a replacement take-away meal.
Vegeta sat down."I take it my wonderful three course meal is ready?" He looked at Trunks who was still playing ki blasts.
"Pow pow." He said to Vegeta smiling and pointing his finger.
Vegeta smirked and lit up his finger with a small amount of ki. "Pow." He said slyly.
Trunks watched the ball of light in awe and reached out.
"Vegeta not in the house." Bulma shouted to him. "You can show Trunks your fabulous powers later."
"If I survive." Vegeta grumbled.
"What was that?" Bulma hissed as she served the soup.
"Didn't say a word." Vegeta said as innocently as he could.
"Yeah and I'm the Queen of Sheba." Bulma muttered."Here's your chicken noodle soup I hope you choke." She placed the large bowl down in front of him. The noodles were clumped together floating and bopped up and down in a strange hypnotic way. The soup itself seemed a little bit too thin and greasy. He wondered what the black and green bits were but decided against asking. Sometimes it's better not to know.
"Choking seems a bit too easy." Vegeta murmured. He took his spoon and sipped carefully. His face scrunched up his taste buds trying to decide whether it was the mint or the garlic that was the most overpowering.
"Well..?" Bulma looked at him hoping his wincing face was that of unbelievable ecstasy.
"It's.... soup." Vegeta said eventually after forcing to swallow. "You put mint in it?"
"Oh, yes I did, I didn't realise it was suppose to be put on last but is it okay cooked?"
Vegeta didn't answer however he did have another question. "How much garlic?"
"20 cloves I had to times the ingredients by 20 for the larger serving." Bulma said proud of her calculations. "Is the mint and garlic too much?"
Vegeta's eyes watered as he took another sip. "It's fine." He lied. He decided to stop slowing down the torture and swallowed the bowl. The noodles jammed in his mouth but he had eaten hardened insect shells before in a similar fashion, he could eat this. The noodles were a bit crunchy but he managed to down it all. Somehow Vegeta felt nostalgic for his days purging when he was eating giant insects.
"Wow, you must be hungry." Bulma said astonished. "I'll remember that recipe."
"Please don't." Vegeta sighed. His stomach was making strange objections.
"Right for your main course I made a beef curry." Bulma rescued the pot form the window. "It's slightly flambe but that gives it a good barbecue taste."
"Can't wait." Vegeta said weakly. He knew he had to fake his enjoyment if he was to get his tail back. Part of him wished that he hadn't made this agreement now. The large plate of rice and brown sludge on top. Vegeta couldn't pick out what was meat and what was vegetable. He prodded a suspect lump with his fork. Vegeta took a deep breath and tried a fork full. Surprisingly it wasn't too bad. The rice had congealed and was slightly burnt. He crunched his way through it. It wasn't excellent cooking but then he had eaten worse. He came to a black crunchy bit. He couldn'lp blp but spit it out.
"What the hell is that!" Vegeta yelled.
"Pepper corns.... I think." Bulma suggested looking at the offending black bit.
Vegeta then noticed something. "Why aren't you having some?" He said.
"Me? I've already filled my belly with my delicious food." Bulma patted her stomach. "Mmmm my curry was good."
Vegeta narrowed his eyes. He didn't believe her. He carried on with finishing the meal and giving Bulma cross glances. Every now and then something would nearly choke him. Like a full clove of garlic or small chilli pepper. He took a large sip of water.
"There I did it." He said triumphantly.
"There's more in the pot." Bulma said getting up to reach for it.
Vegeta grabbed her arm. "No." He snarled. "I am quite full, thank you." He added with a bit more sweetness.
"Have you room for dessert?" Bulma asked hopefully.
"Of course." Vegeta smirked. He wondered how she could mess up dessert. "This has to be a three course meal after all."
Bulma ran to her now working fridge. She had cheated with dessert but what are modern women suppose to do? Bake cakes? She reached for the extra large strawberry cheesecake. This was the kind of cake she liked. One that required no cooking and lots of smashing defenceless cookies. Her mother had made the filling and sweet red sauce for the topping. Not that Vegeta was going to know. She walked over with a graceful strut carrying her prize.
Vegeta looked at it suspiciously. "You didn't make that!" He snarled.
"I did put it together."Bulma said in a half truth. She set it down and began cutting herself a piece.
"I know you didn't make it now." Vegeta said crossing his arms.
"I happen to be very good at desserts that have no cooking." Bulma said. "Especially when it includes strawberries."
Vegeta took what was left over from Bulma's cut. It was more than three quarters but he shoved it on his plate and began to eat.
"Hey I was wanting to save that!" Bulma exclaimed. "At least let your son have a bit."
Vegeta grudgingly gave Trunks a small slice. He ate it up immediately. Bulma did the same and was surprised Vegeta was actually taking his time.
"I want to savour the only time you've done something right." He said. "Plus it's taking the taste away."
Bulma stood up half insulted and half complemented. She didn't know whether to hug him or hit him with the congealed curry she had a whole pot that was probably going to be put in the lab for some experiments.
"I'm going to get make some coffee." Bulma said. "Want any?"
"No, I don't need drugs to stimulate me." Vegeta smirked as he swallowed another bite of cheesecake.
"Stimulate?" Bulma saw the seductive look in his eyes and blushed.
"Tonight." Vegeta whispered. "I've got to get my revenge." He smirked again and returned to eating the cheesecake.
Trunks was oblivious to the adult communication and returned to the asshole song. "Eees a asshole asshole."
Bulma backed up into her counter. 'After I nearly poison him he still wants me?' She thought as her tail flicked from side to side. Bulma really wanted to push for his answer on the honeymoon but with his mild flirting she decided to try later. The truth about whether they were going on any holiday or not. She had no idea the dark looks she was getting from Vegeta were something more than just simple sex. Her arousal was obvious to Vegeta but he said nothing and he just watched her and plotted his mild revenge.

Author's Note: Just for the record I can cook but when I try something out, that's new and not what I'm used to it goes horribly wrong as in this story. Plus I have a bad case of "fuck it that'll do." style to the way I cook.
I've never seen Bulma cook in the series, so unless someone can point out when that's not a barbecue or something that Mrs. Briefs made that Bulma's just passing round I'll look forward to hearing about it. It seems to have become one of those fanfiction facts that is now canon but I'm not sure if it is. This is the joy of having a series this old, so much wonderful fanfiction that has made its own facts!
Next time, is time for Vegeta's revenge and it comes in lemon form. Trunks will be kept far away as he's already corrupted so badly by Bulma and Vegeta.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Vegeta's Tail