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Lonely Desire	By : Petya Category: Gundam (all others) > General Views: 12180 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, less Dearka x Yzak

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Gundam
SEED. :( I am just borrowing the characters
and the universe.

Warnings: This fanfic
contains male/male relationship(s). But this chapter is pretty safe. Still, if you
don�t approve of homosexuality, this is not for you.

Comments: I have an editor now, he
reads the chapters and corrects my mistakes (thanks to him I corrected some of
my misspells in earlier chapters, he couldn�t check this one since his PC is temporally
down :( but he�ll do it when he can) Thanks Dem.

Chapter
SEVEN

A Point
of No Return

Yzak tasted the meal he was cooking and nodded in
approval. For once he had succeeded to make it exactly as he wanted. Dearka noticing his boyfriend�s proud grin took a spoon and
tasted the chili sauce they were doing for dinner, or what was supposed to be
chili. Surprisingly it was good� until the strong hot pepper taste exploded on
his tongue. It felt as if his whole mouth was burning. He hurriedly took a
glass and filled it with water then gulped it at once desperately trying to put
down the fire that the meal had induced.

�Man, why did you have to make it so hot. I
thought you said you knew how to make good chili.�

�I do. And so that you know, it has exactly the
taste I was going for.�

�What is that supposed to mean? Is this some
perverted revenge of yours for all the teasing our cooking skills get, or do
you intend to turn all of us into some fire-breathing dragons? If you aim the
former, this will definitely not help on the matter.�

�I don�t care! The most important thing here is
that this meal will get everyone thirsty and they�ll drink a lot of punch.�

�Oh, the punch�� Dearka
sounded doubting and suspicious and tasted the drink to make sure it was not
stronger that the normal. Everything seemed fine, but with Yzak
one could never be confident. �Did you do anything to it?�

�No, I didn�t!� His gaze didn�t falter but
there was a spark in the blue-eyes that told the blonde this was not the truth,
or at least not the entire truth. �What have you done? I know you too well, Yzak. You have pulled something and I want to know what, or
I am spilling this punch right this instant.�

Dearka grabbed the big bowl and tipped it over the
basin just short of pouring it in.

�Stop it!� The platinum would have jumped on
him, Dearka noticed, but he was afraid that it might
result in spilling the punch. The tanned boy held the bowl tighter and turned
to face his lover directly.

�Tell me everything, Yzak!�
His voice was heavy with warning. �What have you done? Is this some game?�

�It�s for Athrun! I put
this in the punch.� He reached in his pocked and retrieved a small bottle
holding it so that Dearka could read the label. He
winced as he saw the rage crooking his lover�s face. He had to explain fast or
this was going to get ugly. �I just want him and Kira
to loosen a little and this will help!�

�What the hell� Where did you get it from?� Dearka was almost shouting now and his boyfriend hissed him
to lower his voice.

�I had it in the emergency pack in our car. I
took it before we left it at the airport. And so that you know I have one more
bottle.�

�This is drug used during interrogations and it
is restricted as you are well aware. Besides you are mixing it with alcohol,
have you considered this?�

�Am I some retard?� Yzak
sounded offended. He didn�t pass such insults to his intellect. �Of source I did
� this morning when I asked Kira to use his laptop
for a second I checked the database, even though I still remember what we were
thought at the academy about such medicines, and it is safe enough.�

��Safe enough� doesn�t sound that reassuring to
me. There�s a �but�, isn�t it?�

�Well there is � Cagalli.
Since she is a Natural, she will probably be strongly affected by the drug so
I�ll have to make sure she doesn�t drink that much. I even have some punch I
put aside before adding this extra, so that she gets a lesser dose of the
drug.�

�So if I get it correctly all of us, but Cagalli are going to drink this. Tell me why should I
support this insane idea of yours?� Dearka didn�t
sound as convinced as his lover wanted. Yzak was both
proud his friend was so careful and protective and irritated that he had to
defend his actions.

�I only ask you to believe in me, please. You
know I�d never do anything that would hurt the others, and especially you.� Dearka finally steadied the bowl and put it on the table,
but stood between it and Yzak. �I want to try it. I
don�t know if you watched those two since yesterday, but I have the distinct
impression that Athrun is not alone in his feelings. Kira acted strange around his friend. And this morning both
of them looked as if they had a sleepless night.�

Dearka�s face softened and he nodded. �I�ll go with you
and I�ll even drink this concoction you�ve brewed, so help me God. And I am
doing it because I was keeping an eye on those two and I share your opinion.
There�s more to their relationship towards each other then they let the others
see. It�s hard to notice it if you don�t know what to look for, but since we
were in a somewhat similar situation we are able to see the signs. I want them
to be happy, and if that happiness means drinking this, I�ll do it. Now let�s
serve, because it�s time for dinner� and I truly hope this won�t end in tears.�

Everyone was sitting around the table staring
in his or her meal gathering courage to taste the results of Yzak and Dearka�s cooking. What
was in their plates was actually recognizable, which was already a huge
improvement of said men�s skill, yet all of them had had bad experiences of
what taste the food had when prepared by those two. They were all silently
looking at each other waiting to see the reaction of the first to eat the
chili.

Lacus, being the nice and considerate person
that she had always been, bravely tried a small portion of her dinner. She felt
tears form in her eyes and fought to prevent them from pouring down her cheeks.
Even harder was for her to suppress the desire to open her mouth and start
breathing like a fish taken out of the water. She reached for her napkin and
pretended to be cleaning the angles of her mouth while she discreetly dried her
tears. Then she took her glass and drank, the cool sweet punch easing and
soothing her tongue.

�This is� actually quite� good.� She managed to
say and everyone around winced as they heard these words. Yzak
however beamed at the praise and looked expectantly at the others.

Lacus was giving them the Glare � the
commanding one that said �You will
eat this and will praise it, right?�
Even if she was so tender, sweet and fragile on the outside, on the inside she
was capable to cut through a diamond as hot knife through butter and they knew
it. They all braced themselves, threw a prayer to every God they knew and
tasted the meal. It took them less than a second to grab their glasses and
drink the punch inside.

While everyone was so busy trying to cool down
their mouths Dearka bent towards his lover and said.
�I am doing this for you. As much as I like Kira and Athrun and think that they might make a good couple, this
is not something that I would have done just because of them. You�ll owe me
big, you know, Yzak. And you can bet I�ll be
collecting this debt.� Then he started eating the chili.

Soon everyone found out that if they ate a
small portion of chili with more tacos and rinsed this with a plenty of punch
it was almost good and they somehow managed to have a dinner without getting
their tongues permanently impaired.

�So what are we doing this evening?� Came Cagalli�s voice directed at Yzak and Dearka as it was their
day. �Have you come up with something or are we having free agenda?�

�I have an idea actually, but I�ll need Kira�s comp for a second. Do you mind, Kira?�

�No, of course.�

It took Yzak a few
minutes to type something while the others wondered what had he prepared for
them. They didn�t have to wait long to find out.

�OK, here is the basic rule. Everyone types in
something he wants to tell to each of the other but hasn�t for one reason or
other and it could be anything � a joke, a reprimand, a confession of some
sorts. The others will leave the room while someone is typing. The messages
won�t be signed and each should start with the name of the one it addresses.
The program I wrote will store and shuffle the messages and then it will spill
them randomly. I think it is a good way for each of us to learn something about
him- or herself and the others and still keep his/her anonymity.
Do you agree?�

�Why not? It might prove interesting and it�s not like
we have a better option. I�d go for it.� Surprisingly Athrun
was the first person to agree. Yzak and Dearka exchanged meaningful glances while the other stated
their agreement. It was going to be funny since even if they could think
clearly, thanks to the drug, their subconscious was much closer to the surface
than it would have normally been and things they would never say were likely to
slip out and get written.

�OK, let�s see what have we got!� With these
words Yzak started shuffling the entries and hit the
space to show the first confession. He read it aloud: ��Yzak,
I hated that chili, I still feel as if I have fumes going out of my ears and
nose and I wish I could stuff all of it down your throat!�� He made a face of
mock offense and stated in a grave and depressed tone �Now that�s pretty nice
thing to say to someone who worked so hard to feed you. What�s next?� The
message showed on the screen and he read it silently then turned slightly to
watch Athrun�s expression at what he was about to
hear.

��Kira, I wish I
could grab you and shove my tongue deep down your throat�� the blue-eyed had
written this intentionally just to see how would Kira
and Athrun react to this and he wasn�t disappointed. The
blue-haired�s face crooked with something that
resembled anger that someone might have set eyes on his beloved. So far, so good. Kira went pale as
he heard it and then deep pink colour covered his
face and went down his neck. The brunet couldn�t even dare to hope it was
written by Athrun but still images of the
emerald-eyed boy grabbing him and kissing him senseless took his breath away.
He braced himself and mentally scolded himself for letting his reaction show.
The others burst laughing at both the message itself and Kira�s
intense reaction to it.

��Dearka, you have
one sexy ass, but I have to say that Yzak�s looks
even better�� said the next one and the blonde boy it addressed spew the punch
he was just drinking as a wave of laughter threatened to knock him on the
floor. He started coughing and the sugarcoated voice of Cagalli
asked if he needed help. The slightly intensified colour
on her cheeks betrayed her as the author of this one. �OK,
that was interesting, next one!� Yzak was
barely holding his jiggles and everyone around was still grinning.

They went on reading the messages most of which
were jokes or teasings. Yzak
was disappointed. Nothing was coming out of his plan at least so far. Yet there
were three more messages � one for each of Kira, Athrun and Cagalli. Would they be
of any help? He hit the space button stopping the shuffle. ��Cagalli, the pink becomes you, but I hope you are not
deeply disturbed by what you witnessed yesterday morning. This should be your
warning for what to expect when you call this early.�� The platinum boy growled
inwardly as he read. The punch had affected the Natural girl quite a bit even
though he had been pouring her the drug-free as often as he could and she was
likely to jump on this and make a few comments. He was not ashamed of what she
might reveal and he knew the same went for Dearka
since this was clearly his doing, but he was almost obsessed with the content
of the last two messages. His worries were soon proved correct as Cagalli burst out:

�Disturbed! That�s not it! What was worse was that Kisaka was there in the room and he too saw the screen and
my reaction and he kept � and I know will keep � teasing me about it!� Yzak and Dearka felt uneasy
hearing that the colonel had seen them, but that was not that big of a deal.
�Was it my fault that you had set the vidphone on
auto-response and fucked like horny rabbits not caring that it might ring.�

Suddenly everyone found the ceiling extremely
interesting and covered their mouths trying to suppress the laughter that
overwhelmed them.

�So that was what happened yesterday!� Athrun was laughing so hard that he held his stomach. �No
wonder you were blaming me and tried to punch me for getting interrupted. I can
imagine the sight, man I wish I was there in Kisaka�s place. �

�If you were we wouldn�t have gotten that call
in the first place, you moron.� Yzak was losing his
temper and hit the computer
to start the last shuffling. He was more than just mildly irritated and it had
nothing to do with the talk right now. It was because he had put so many
hopes in this game and so far the results were far from satisfying. �That�s enough,
I am reading the last two messages. �Athrun,�� he moved his head just enough to able to watch the faces
of Kira and Athrun, ��I
wish I could tell you�� the platinum-haired went wild. Was that it? It was Kira�s message he was sure of it, and all it said was �I
wish I could tell you�? Man, these two would never be together if they go in
such a pace.

Kira�s expression was perfectly controlled and
nothing could be read on it, Athrun�s however was perplexed
and slightly hopeful. The blue-haired boy didn�t know what his beloved couldn�t
share with him � and he was sure this was Kira�s
message � but maybe, just maybe things would turn up in his favour.
How would Kira react to his message and would he feel
who wrote it? It was already shining on the computer screen.

�Kira, I want you to
know that I feel like you can touch my soul and I wish you�d let me touch
yours.�

These words left everyone speechless. No one
even dared comment them.

Athrun knew he had taken a great risk. He had bared his
soul in front of everyone. The others were smart enough to realize who had writen
that message and what it really meant, but would Kira
see through it? Wouldl he acknowledge all the longing, the love and hope that
those few words concealed as much as revealed? And how would he react if he
did?

Kira�s eyes flew to Athrun
in astonishment. He froze. His mind went blank. Was this some kind of a bad
joke from Athrun. Did he know his � Kira�s �
feelings? Was this his a way to mock him in front of the others? His head was
spinning. Had he gotten too much punch or was that due to the shock. He couldn�t
think. He was afraid to�

He was even more afraid to hope. What if he
ended hurt. Everyone he had loved had hurt him one way or another�

His parents had been hiding the truth about his
birth�

Fllay had used his insecurities, his pain, his inability to protect those he had vowed to�

Was Athrun going
to hurt him as well�? If he did, if he knew or suspected his feelings and toyed with
them � and in front of the others too � would he be able to recover from that?
He would forgive him. There wasn�t anything that his beloved could do no matter
how painful, that he wouldn�t forgive, but then what. He had been able to live and
struggle through the days for one reason � his hope that maybe someday Athrun will turn and there deep in his eyes will shine the
same love that he saw glowing in his own. It was hard enough to pretend they
were just friends as it was, but if everyone knew and pitied him he preferred
to be away. He couldn�t stand it�

�I am sorry. I feel I�ve gotten one drink too
much, so I am going to bed.� The smile felt unnatural on his face, and words
rang hollow in his ears but he didn�t care. He needed to exit this room or he
would suffocate. Or worse � he would fall on his knees begging Athrun for his love. �Good night!�

He tried to keep himself from running until he
was in his room out of the others� view and only then did he let the tears fall
as he curled in his bed buried under the covers.

Sleep claimed him long before the person
responsible for his angst came in�

Down everyone stared at Athrun
whose face was crooked. They were shocked how cold had Kira reacted to such an open declaration of love.
His face was like a mask that concealed any feeling. Couldn�t he be a bit more considerate?
A bit more sensitive?
Did he have to act so cruel? What had happened with the warm caring being he
had once been? Had his relationship with that girl he was dating changed him so
much, or was this some effect of the war that showed only now?

Athrun�s heart was breaking in his chest. He thought
that he knew what pain was when he had been separated from the one person that was
his entire universe, but what he felt now was worse. It was as if his heart had
been ripped off his chest and then handed back to him. What was going on with
his beloved? This was not the Kira he had always
known. Who was this stranger and what had he done with the tender person he had
once been?

He didn�t face the others. He was not ready. He
needed to deal with this first. Athrun stepped out of
the room and disappeared in the night looking for answers�

It took him a few hours to reach a decision
what his next step should be.

He knew he had gotten too far to step back now.
There was only one way for him � fighting � fighting for Kira�s
heart and not only. For Kira�s soul
too. It should have been hurt without any of them noticing. Maybe that�s
why he ended with that girl that didn�t suit him � as an escape. There was no
other explanation for such a change. The true Kira
was deep there somewhere hidden from the pain the world inflicted upon him and Athrun had to help him find the way back or they both will
get lost forever.

That was it. He was not giving up! He would
show Kira that peace and happiness were right beside
him. He would be patient but not overly. So far patience had led him nowhere.

He would attack the true Kira
with all the love of his being, no more hiding, no more halfhearted confessions
� tomorrow he would face his destiny!

They would face their destiny. No matter where
it lead�

Tomorrow would be a new day, a new beginning�

A/N: Ok, this chapter is a bit longer than the
others. And it was rather hard to write too as it starts lightly and then turns
out depressive on both Kira and Athrun.
I hope I succeeded in presenting the atmosphere and angst I was going for. If
not, then I am sorry.

@AsuKira: I
don�t know about the plot I have too many ideas and some of them a pretty
complicated and I have no idea how to untie the knots they�ll create, but time
will show. I am sorry for all the mistakes I did in my
review for Unrequited *stabs mistakes many times*. Keep
it going. Oh, and it is chapter EIGHT next time ;)

@Star,
Kimi, Yami
Jay: I hope I�ll manage well
with the pregnancy (still undecided, but chapter TEN or ELEVEN will show how it
will turn up)
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Lonely Desire