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Picture Windows	By : Maureen Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 597 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Picture Windows
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 6
- 7
Picture Windows 7

Trowa
woke the next morning to cold feet stroking his calves. �Quatre�� he
grumbled and received only snickering in reply as his bedmate wiggled closer.
With a sleepy growl, Trowa rolled to restrain Quatre and began running teasing
fingertips along his flanks. Soon the blonde was gasping for breath and pleading
for mercy, squirming against his captor in gleeful abandon. The tussling
continued, Quatre retaliating with darting tickles until Trowa pinned his hands
to the bed to still the attacks. Trowa paused to catch his breath, but lost it
entirely when he took stock of their position. He had ended up between
Quatre�s open legs, and they were pressed together from thigh to chest.
Quatre�s face was flushed and his hair was in glorious disarray. He smiled up
at Trowa as his laughter tapered off, and ran his tongue out to moisten his
lips. The unintended invitation was too delicious to let pass, and Trowa bent
down to taste them as well.

Quatre
had forgotten none of the previous day�s kissing lessons; his mouth opened
under Trowa�s immediately. The heat between them built, and flared as Trowa
shifted his hips and brought their hardening shafts into alignment. Quatre
moaned against his lips, �Mmm, s�good,� and crossed his legs over the back
of Trowa�s thighs, moving instinctively to increase the pressure.

Some
small part of Trowa cried out that this was going too far, too fast, but he
ignored it. The way their bodies interlocked so perfectly, the smooth friction
burning between them, each small noise of pleasure from Quatre pushed the
warning voice further away. He released Quatre�s hands and began to touch
frantically every bit of the blonde�s skin that he could reach. Arms, chest,
hips, sides � it did not matter - everything was Quatre and Trowa wanted it
all.

�I
do hope I�m not interrupting anything.� Trowa wrenched his head away from
Quatre�s and turned to the intrusive voice. Phoebe stood in the doorway, a
large covered tray balanced on her forearms. �I knocked for a bit, but it
seems that you were too indisposed to answer. � She strode in and placed the
tray on the hearth, and lifted the lid on the pot of broth from the night
before. �Hmm, I see now it was a good idea to bring you some food � you
hardly touched this last night. You may thank both Providence and Joseph �
Iria was going to bring breakfast up to you until he arrived.� Phoebe tended
the fire. �My back is turned for a reason � please remove yourselves from
the bed and get clothed while you may do so with some modesty."

�Phoebe,
I�� Quatre squirmed and Trowa pulled himself off and away.

�No,
Quatre, this is not the time to discuss matters. You both must be famished.
Breakfast is two hours past.�

Quatre
sagged considerably as he pushed towards the edge of the bed to rise. �Wait,
let me look at your shoulder first.� Trowa caught him gently by the uninjured
arm, and Quatre turned back towards him, eyes dull and face flushed dark red. A
chaste kiss to the corner of Quatre�s mouth earned him a wan smile before the
injured shoulder was proffered. Although the bruise was somewhat uglier in the
morning light, the arm had freer movement. After a cursory examination, Trowa
decided no lasting harm had been done. They dressed in silence; the only sounds
in the room were that of the snapping fire and the clink of china as Phoebe
prepared tea.

�Phoebe��
Quatre tried again, but she simply handed them full plates and shook her head.
They ate quickly under her inscrutable but plainly appraising stare. When their
plates were mostly empty, she took them and placed them back on the tray.

�Leave
those here for now, I�ll come and clear the mess later.� Phoebe smoothed her
skirt and turned her attention to Quatre. �In the future, I might suggest that
you lock your door� Iria loves you dearly, but I doubt that her understanding
and indulgence would stretch to cover such activities. She believes your obvious
affections toward Trowa simply stem from a lack of camaraderie with other young
men. As much as she dotes on you, do not doubt for one instant that she would
recall Father home immediately if she knew the truth.� Quatre made a small
noise of negation, and Phoebe smiled sadly. �No, Quatre � you know it to be
true. She wants what she believes best for you, and her vision on the matter is
frighteningly close to Father�s. Iria would see it as something to be done for
your own good.�

�And
for now, even though you may have forgotten that you have responsibilities, Otto
most certainly has not. I believe he will be by later today to collect the
payroll figures from you, so I suggest that you work through as much as you can
before lunch.� Quatre looked to Trowa instead of answering. �Don�t fret,
Quatre, I shall take care of Trowa.� The wording sounded slightly ominous to
Trowa, but Phoebe�s face still provided no indications of the thoughts behind
it. �I believe it is high time he made the acquaintance of some of the other
areas in the house.� She offered her arm to Trowa, and he stood to accept it.
�You�ll find him in the library, Quatre, when you�ve finished with your
duties.�

Trowa
only had a moment to glance at Quatre before he was escorted from the room. The
hurt and puzzled look on the boy�s face made him attempt to pull his arm away
from Phoebe, but she tightened her grip. �No, leave him be.� He tried to
protest, but she cut him off, �For the love of Heaven, hush! You�ve caused
enough trouble.� She led him from the Tower, and into a long hallway that
appeared to span the length of the house. Phoebe pointed out various rooms as
she purposefully strode to the end of the hall, her voice clipped and tight.
Trowa tired of her attitude quickly.

�What
have I done to make you so angry? I thought you were happy that we � �

�I
said �Hush.�� Not looking at him, she continued brusquely, �It is now
painfully apparent that neither of you has the least shred of common sense �
for Quatre�s sake, shut your mouth.� Phoebe�s nails dug tightly into his
arm to punctuate the statement.

They
continued on in stiff silence until they came to a door that was a twin of the
one leading to Quatre�s Tower. Trowa held it open for her and pulled it shut
after he followed her into the library. He instantly knew this must be the other
Tower of the house, but instead of being broken up into floors, this one was
open and lined with books from floor to ceiling. Railed walkways progressed up
the walls at intervals of approximately ten feet, connected by narrow
staircases. Trowa had very little time to be amazed by the sight, for Phoebe
turned on him almost immediately. �What did you think you were doing?�

�I
think you know the answer to that or you wouldn�t have stopped us!�
Anger and frustration answered for Trowa.

�Oh,
yes. But does my brother? I thought you had planned to proceed slowly with
him!� She backed him up against the door and hissed. �Or is that your idea
of slow � rutting like a brainless bull in heat a bare handful of days after
you�ve met someone?�

�It
wasn�t like that!� Trowa attempted to restrain himself and
continued, �I didn�t � I mean, we hadn�t� Damn it, he was willing!�

�I
could see that. If I believed any different, I would have had Rashid escort you
out of the front door and out of town, instead of bringing you here!�

Trowa gave up trying to keep his fury in check. �Just how long were you
standing there?�

�Long
enough to ascertain that Quatre was a willful participant, and long enough to
see where things would have gone if I had not stopped you. Don�t you dare
take that righteous tone with me! The only way you�ll receive any sort of
apology is if you are able to convince me that my brother has miraculously
surmounted his confusion and distress of two days ago � that he, with open eyes
and heart, was willing to spread his legs for you!� Phoebe huffed out a
deep breath, �Can you honestly say he even knew where your actions were
leading?�

�No�
I�� Trowa wilted as her words chipped through his anger and reminded him of
his previous resolve.

�You�ve
never even explained to him how� what would have ended up taking place
if I hadn�t happened along?�

�He
keeps asking me at all the wrong times��

�And by that I suppose you mean times when it would be much easier to
demonstrate than to tell�� Phoebe turned her back on him and her shoulders
slumped. �Perhaps I was mistaken about you, Trowa. My God, but I thought you
had more sense than this! Quatre I know has no restraint � he falls into new
experiences far too easily and becomes too enrapt to think rationally. I trusted
you to be careful with him � I thought that would include making sure that
Quatre went with full awareness into any intimacy you might share.�

�You
weren�t wrong, Phoebe! I just� he�s so beautiful, it�s hard not to touch
him��

�And
is that all you wish from him? Because I will not have him used in such a
way!� She advanced on him, thumping a firm forefinger against his chest.
�Heaven will hold no help for you if I find you are simply using him for your
own physical pleasure! Rashid will not have to administer the beating � I will
do it myself!�

Trowa
grabbed her hand and sought her eyes. Phoebe�s frown had narrowed them to
glittering slits, and for a moment he could not speak when confronted with the
wrath he found in there. �Phoebe� please, it�s not like that at all. I do
love him.� Her expression did not soften. �And yes, I�ll admit, I want to
make love to him� I want him so much� But
I would never harm him, or force him into anything he�s not ready for ��

�But
he�s not prepared for any of it! Do you not understand? You told me that you
wanted him to think things through � you said you wanted him to have time to
decide, for himself, the true nature of his feelings for you. How is he supposed
to be thinking of anything when you� when the two of you�� She
paused, and tore her hand away from his to rub her eyes. �How will that do
anything but confuse him further? Do you want him to leave with you simply
because he�s in lust?� Trowa gave her no answer, but flushed with shame.

For
Phoebe that seemed to be enough. �But I seem to have overlooked that fact that
you two are of the same age, and so have certain physical needs and urges. I had
thought you to be more experienced than Quatre. I suppose in some ways I do
owe you an apology. But that still does not change the fact that what you were
doing was dangerous! That was no idle threat that I delivered to Quatre. Again,
perhaps I am at fault here � my acceptance of your feelings may have led you
to believe that Iria would provide you with the same. I assure you, she would
have had you thrown out � if not worse! And the consequences to Quatre would
be greater than you can imagine!�

Some
defiance still lingered, �I�d protect him, if it came to that!�

�If
you would protect him from something, protect him from yourself! Would you not
rather have a willing lover than a young man befuddled by his first taste of
real intimacy? I can make matters no plainer, Trowa. I urge you to spend today
considering what I have told you. I do like you, and I do want you
to take Quatre away from this confining life. But before that, I would like you
to prove yourself the man I believe you to be, and stop behaving as if you were
a petulant child! Think of Quatre, and his needs beyond the physical! And for
God�s sake � stop thinking with that!� She gestured roughly towards his
groin before shoving him aside and exiting the room.

Trowa
stood stunned for a moment after she left, simply staring at the closed door in
rage and resentment. Before the thought to do so had fully formed in his head,
he punched the hardwood door. It did not even shake, but his knuckles gave with
a sickening crunch and the pain shocked the fury from him. He turned to lean
against it, holding his throbbing hand as he slid down to hunch on the floor. He
watched the blood pool and coagulate in the thin scrapes decorating the back of
his hand before throwing his head against the door with a solid thunk. �God,
I�m an idiot!� Trowa repeated the motion a few more times, but stopped when
it only increased the growing ache in his head.

For
a time, he simply attempted to replay Phoebe�s words in his mind, but his
resolve to focus on them was diluted by the invasive memory of Quatre�s skin
under his hands and lips. Finally, he gave in to the persistent flashes and
allowed his fingers to remember the satiny smoothness of Quatre�s flesh,
granted his mouth leave to revisit the hunger he had found in Quatre�s,
permitted the echoes of Quatre�s every sigh and whisper to reverberate through
his ears. All this accomplished was to leave Trowa with an ache that he had no
desire to relieve himself. He pushed himself off of the floor and out of the
maddening memories to work off the frustration in another manner.

Trowa
nearly sprinted up the narrow stairways joining each level of the library to the
next, and ran back down without pausing to examine what he passed. The third
such trip finally exhausted his body, and on the fourth trip up, he looked
around to distract his mind, as well. Leather-covered volumes of every
conceivable color and size lined the shelves, and as he examined the titles, he
decided that every language known to man was represented as well. A thin metal
ladder hugged tight to the bookcases on every level, hung on a track with which
to push the wheeled contrivance to any shelf that wanted reaching. Here and
there, at odd intervals, the books were interrupted by windows spanning three
feet across and stretching from the base of the walkway to end at the one above
it. There were three on every level, and he stopped in each to take in the
different perspective it offered. Snow had begun to drift down again, fat, lazy
flakes meandering slowly from the sky with no particular purpose. He stood for a
long while near the middle of the Tower, breath frosting the glass as he
endeavored to follow the paths the flakes took on their way to earth.

The
effect was sedative, hypnotic almost, and under the calming influence, Trowa was
finally able to consider what Phoebe had said without emotional reaction. He had
intended to give Quatre both the space and time necessary to come to an
independent decision about the direction their relationship was to take. And he had,
even if unwittingly, been forcing Quatre towards the avenue Trowa wanted to
travel. This had perhaps been excusable when the touches had remained relatively
innocent and limited to only soft kisses, when Trowa�s hands had asked for no
more than simple embraces. But now that things had progressed so far, so
quickly, Quatre would be even more confused as to his true desire.

Trowa
turned away from the window and sat with his legs hanging over the edge of the
floor, his forehead pressed to the dark wood railing, and his hand wrapped
around one of the thin metal poles threading the walkways together. He slowly
began to unravel his own desires, to examine what he really wanted from Quatre.
He found Quatre�s body attractive and exciting � there had never been a
doubt about that. But what else drew him � and was there enough to make him
want to stay by this young man�s side forever? Quatre was smart, headstrong,
and undeniably fanciful in nature. And he had also shown himself to be
compassionate, and so fiercely protective of those he loved as to be willing to
die for them. But he was insecure and unsure in such a way that Trowa wanted to
spend as much time as it took to prove Quatre�s worth to himself. There was
something about Quatre that made Trowa want to wrap around him, to shelter him
from any possible hurt the world could deliver. And at the same time, he wanted
to find haven from the same world in Quatre�s arms. There were so many
passions bottled up in the blonde � passions that Trowa wanted to nurture, and
then stand aside to watch as they grew and blossomed. He knew, somehow, that
anything that Quatre truly set his mind to would be accomplished with
astonishing ease � and to be by Quatre�s side as he did so would be an
undeniable privilege.

As
these thoughts progressed, Trowa was forced to wonder what he had to offer in
return. Any life they made together, away from this place, would be burdened
with never-ending obstacles. Few people would be likely to provide even the
smallest bit of the understanding and acceptance that Phoebe had shown their
relationship. It was easy to say �leave� on the conviction that it was for
the best, but this conviction would not feed them when they were hungry, or
shelter them when they needed rest. Trowa had nothing that he knew of, not even
a last name that he could claim as his own. It suddenly seemed like a childish
fantasy to take Quatre away from the only life he had ever known, to expect them
to be able to make their way on their own. All Trowa could hope to offer was his
love, but how long could this stand up against a world determined to bring them
down? And even if they managed to find a place to live undisturbed, how long
would it be before Quatre began to resent him � for the loss of his family,
the loss of his security, the loss of his home? No amount of Trowa�s love
would bring them through that, if it even managed to survive at all�

Trowa�s
restless mind gave him no answers, only more questions. He eventually made his
way down from the heights, and noted with dull surprise that the small mantle
clock above the fireplace read half-past three. As he was only experiencing the
faintest bit of hunger, he could not bring himself to be resentful that no one
had thought to fetch him for the noon meal. Believing Quatre would come for him
before supper, he sank into one of the many overstuffed chairs dotting the
ground floor to watch the fire as he waited. The fire reduced several large logs
to cities of embers that flickered for a time and then died out before crumbling
to ashen ruins as he stared, and from time to time he rose to replenish it from
the stock of wood by the hearth.

Slowly,
all light but that cast by the flames crept from the room, and when Trowa looked
to the clock again, he found that it was just past six. He waited for a bit,
sure Quatre would come, but by a quarter after the hour, he decided to try the
maze of a house on his own, fairly certain he could find the dining room. After
a few wrong turns, which forced him to wonder how even a man with twenty-nine
daughters could think he needed a house this large, Trowa found the doorway he
sought. Embarrassment warred with his need to see Quatre, and shoving his
hesitation aside, he stepped into the room.

Iria
was the only one there. �Thank goodness! I was beginning to think I would be
eating alone again tonight.� She smiled warmly at him and waved him towards
his usual spot.

�Again?"

�Yes,
Phoebe was so frustrated with me and I with her by supper time last night that
she took her meal in the Tower while she waited for you boys to return home. She
was at dinner today, so that cannot be the reason for her absence now. Perhaps
she simply decided to wait for Quatre to finish his paperwork. He worked right
through lunch, so he should be absolutely famished by now.� As if they had
been waiting for this cue, Phoebe and Quatre entered the room. �Ah, here you
both are! Now we can begin.�

Quatre
glanced quickly at Trowa, but refused to hold his gaze. He helped Phoebe to her
seat and then took his own at the head of the table without sparing Trowa so
much as another look. It was only as Quatre filled Trowa�s plate in his
customary manner that he allowed their eyes to meet. Quatre�s expression was a
strange blend of bewilderment and hurt, and Trowa thought he could detect hints
of betrayal lurking around the edges of it as well. Quatre turned away, and made
only half-hearted replies every time Iria attempted to start a conversation.
Soon she gave up, leaving each of them with only the companionship of the their
solitary thoughts to accompany the meal.

The
pot roast that was tender enough to cut with a fork stuck in Trowa�s throat
like dried leather, and the sweet carrots that had been cooked with it turned to
mush as he chased them around his plate. Quatre barely even tried to make it
look as though he was eating. As Trowa choked his way through as much as he
could stand, he would feel the wounded blue eyes flicker over him, only to dart
away if he tried to catch them. When his sisters had mostly finished their
meals, Quatre stood and quietly excused himself from the table and the room.
Trowa waited for the space of a few heartbeats and went after him.

�Well?�
Phoebe�s harsh voice stopped him before he had take more than two steps from
the door. He turned back, and found her face held the rest of the question she
dared not ask with Iria so close at hand.

�You
were right.�

�And?�
She stepped away from the doorway and a bit closer.

�And
I�m sorry.� Quatre had disappeared from view. Trowa strained after him on
the invisible leash of Phoebe�s heavy stare.

�I
believe you. I could almost feel sorry for you, if you did not so richly
deserve� but never mind, go to him and see if you cannot set things to
right,� she whispered before turning back into the dining room.

He
did not catch up with Quatre in the halls, nor on the first floor of the Tower,
and as he ran up to the bedroom, his heart was thundering almost as loudly as
his footsteps. Trowa burst in, and had hardly shut the door when he found
himself pinned by the anger of a Winner for a second time that day.

�You
wanted to do that to me? You were going to� you were� in
me?� Quatre sputtered, his hard eyes burning even though the light fell on his
back. �Were you even going to bother to tell me first?�

�Wha?
Quatre, I � what are you talking about?�

�You
know damn well what I�m talking about!!� Trowa recoiled from the ferocity,
pulling back until he was flush against the door, shocked by both harsh words
and tone.

�You
mean this morning? I don�t think we�d gotten to the point where we decided
who was going to stick what where, and I��

�I
did not even know there was such a decision to be made!� Quatre snorted. �At
least now I know why you were so reticent to tell me before.� He stalked away
and threw himself into a fireside chair.

Trowa
followed and dropped to his knees at Quatre�s feet. �Do you honestly believe
I would do anything to you that you didn�t want? That I would hurt you in any
way?�

�You
must admit that the whole procedure does not sound even remotely pleasant!�
Quatre scowled.

�Well,
that would all depend on how it was described to you. It must feel good, or no
one would do it.� Trowa laid a comforting hand on Quatre�s knee, but it was
pushed off.

�Perhaps
for the person doing it! But for the man on the receiving end�� Quatre
shuddered in revulsion.

�Who
told you?�

�Phoebe.�

�And
how would she know?� Trowa felt his earlier anger with her rekindle.

�She
and Annabelle were friends with a couple like� with two male lovers from a
nearby college. When the need for such a thing arose, these men would accompany
Phoebe and Annabelle to various functions � saving all of them from having to
find real escorts. She said they talked of such things from time to time, for
the men were curious as to how two women could be intimate, and she likewise
wondered about two men�� Quatre�s voice had gentled a bit as he answered,
but he regained his harsher tone. �But that is entirely beside the matter at
hand��

�Did
she tell you it was painful? Or that either of these men hated the other for
doing it to him?�

�No,
but��

�And
did she tell you it was wrong? Or that we should never��

�No! But why didn�t you ever tell me? I asked you enough times!� The anger
had drained from Quatre�s face, and all that was left was the hurt.

�Think
about what we were doing every time you asked! It wasn�t something I wanted to
attempt to talk about while you were half-naked under me!� Trowa rocked back
on his heels with the force of his answer.

�I
suppose that does make a small bit of sense. Even so, you could have explained
it any other time.�

�I�m
sorry, Quatre, I made a mistake. One of many�� Trowa covered his face with
his hands and scrubbed at it in frustration before continuing. �I�ve been so
wrong. I don�t know how you can ever forgive me. I don�t even know if you
should.�

Quatre
was instantly contrite at the self-recrimination in Trowa�s voice. �Trowa,
no! I should not have yelled at you! I should have more trust in you than to
believe that you might have hurt or forced me. I apologize, and ��

�Stop
Quatre � don�t even say you�re sorry. You did nothing wrong! I did, and I
realize that now.� Trowa edged closer but made no move to touch.

�But
you wouldn�t have forced me!�

�I�m
not talking about that, Quatre! I never should have touched you in the first
place.� Trowa�s shoulders pulled inward with the next admission. �And I
don�t know if I would have stopped if you asked me to��

�Trowa!
No��

�Don�t
you see, Quatre? I couldn�t stop myself even though I knew it was wrong! How
could you have stopped me?� Tears were stinging in Trowa�s eyes, blurring
the edges of Quatre�s horrified features. �I knew better than to take things
so far with you still so confused! And I did it anyway.� His voice broke and
he looked away, whispering, �I never should have touched you.�

�How
was it so wrong? Didn�t you want to?� Quatre sounded small and a bit afraid.

�Too
much � I wanted you too much! I never stopped to think about what you
wanted.�

�Did
I at any point seem unwilling to you? Was I not an active participant in
everything we shared? If wrong has been done, I am equally to blame!� Quatre
laid his hand along Trowa�s cheek, and when Trowa tried to pull away, he
captured his face between both hands. �Look at me, Trowa! Don�t do
this��

Trowa
grasped Quatre�s hands, not even sure himself if he was attempting to remove
them or hold them in place. �You may have be willing, but damn it, Quatre �
I told you I loved you, and would wait for your decision. And the very next day,
all I could think about was getting you into bed! I haven�t done anything to
prove my feelings for you! How are you ever supposed to learn to trust me, let
alone love me in return if I can�t control myself?�

�You
have shown me more about desire in a single day than I�ve known my whole
life��

�And
that�s not enough! I wanted you to leave here with me��

�And
you no longer hold such hopes?� Quatre stroked away the tears gathering at the
edges of Trowa�s lashes.

�I
shouldn�t! What do I have to offer you, Quatre? You would probably be better
off here, even if you were miserable! Better that than starving on the streets!
It was selfish of me to ask you to choose!�

Quatre released him then, and sat back, a small, sad smile on his face. �It
seems almost humorous � you thinking it selfish to offer me a choice! Trowa,
that was the greatest gift that anyone has ever given me. My entire life was
mapped out long before I was ever born!� He sighed, �I�ve, of course, been
granted indulgences about small things. But no one ever asked me if I wanted to
inherit my Father�s business concerns. No one ever once considered that I
might want something different out of life. But you, Trowa � you showed me
other possibilities exist. You have given me the choice between my own happiness
and my duties as a son. And even if I don�t decide to leave with you, I shall
always be eternally grateful to know I had some hand in determining the course
of my own life!�

�Quatre��

�And
the very best part of your gift is you would never force me to choose! You�ve
left it entirely to me to decide.� He looked directly into Trowa�s eyes,
�Forgive you, Trowa? I fail to see how I could ever thank you enough.�

�But
I was forcing you!�

�In
what way? Again, Trowa, not one thing that has passed between us has been
without my consent. I�ve had a lifetime to see what is available here. Am I
not to be allowed a taste of what else is offered?� Trowa tried to break in
with a protest, but Quatre stopped him. �I will agree that perhaps we were
proceeding at an unseemly pace. But I do not regret one touch of your hand, or a
single kiss��

�It
has to stop, Quatre. I won�t do this to you anymore, or myself. I meant what I
said before. If you stay here, I�ll be with you for as long as you want me by
your side. But not as a lover. And I don�t want to have you now, when a time
may come that I�ll never have you again.� Trowa sat closer to the fire and
pulled in, wrapping his arms around his raised knees.

�What�
what do you mean?�

�Unless I�m terribly wrong about you, you are not the kind of man to have an
affair. And if I thought I was providing you with that kind of temptation, I would
leave.�

�You
are correct in your assumption. If I were to stay and take Relena as my wife, I
would never be unfaithful to her. But I could never love her as any more than a
friend.� Quatre slipped from the chair and drew Trowa into a loose embrace.
�How would that be fair to you, Trowa? To stay here and watch me wed to
another?�

Against
his will, Trowa melted into Quatre�s arms. �I don�t want you to think
about that. It�s my decision, to be with you no matter what you choose. For as
long as you want me to stay.�

�I still have much to consider, but do I know this much � I shall
never want you to leave, Trowa. It
might be selfish of me to say so, but I�ve never had a true friend before, and
I am reluctant to think of letting you go.� His hand found its way to
Trowa�s hair and stroked softly. �But I would � I do not think I could
bear to see you discontented every day.�

�My
comfort isn�t what�s important here, Quatre. Don�t make this decision
based on anyone else�s feelings. Do what you want � not what you think I
want, or your father wants. You�re the one who has to live with your choice. I
just want you to be happy. If you have to send me away, I�ll accept that,
too.� He broke then, and allowed himself the comfort of Quatre�s arms for a
moment, tightening the embrace before pulling away.

Trowa
felt himself drowning in Quatre�s wavering blue eyes before they were pinched
shut under a tightened brow. The blonde hunched in around himself, and after a
few stuttering breaths, managed to sigh, �I don�t want you to leave me,
ever.� Quatre inhaled deeply and squared his shoulders. �But there�s much
to be considered. And we are both tired now � I believe sleep would do us a
great deal of good. Let�s go to bed.� Quatre pushed off the floor and
offered his hand. Trowa took it, and was caught in a strong clench as he gained
his feet. Trowa wanted desperately to freeze the moment forever - to simply
stand with his cheek brushing against Quatre�s fine hair, and with the young
man�s slender form nestled in his arms.

Reluctantly,
he release Quatre and stepped back. �Yes. But not together. I�ll be sleeping
upstairs from now on.�

�Why?�

�Because
it�s easy to sit here and say I won�t touch you anymore. At this moment, I
even mean it. But later on, when you�re close to me, I�m not so sure that
I�ll be able to resist. It�s just easier this way, Quatre.�

Quatre
seemed to struggle with this momentarily before replying, �Fine, if that is
what you desire��

�No, it�s not. But what I want doesn�t matter. What I want is to take you
to your bed and pretend like we were never interrupted this morning. And as long
I can�t trust my self-control, or until you have made a decision, it would be
best for us not to sleep in the same bed.�

�I
understand.�

�Good,
I�m glad someone does��

�But
at least allow me to help you get settled.� Quatre took a small bucket from
the hearthside and ladled embers into it. �There�s been no fire laid up
there since the first night, but there should be plenty of wood. If the room
does not warm quickly, you could always sleep down here for tonight.�

�No.�

�Then
at the very least, promise me that you will sleep in my study rather than
freezing to death!�

�You
don�t have to come up with me.� Trowa moved to take the bucket but was
rebuffed.

�Yes,
but I am shall. There are extra quilts in the bottom of the wardrobe � help
yourself.� Trowa did so and they spoke no more until they reached the room.
Quatre quickly started the fire while Trowa spread the additional covers over
the bed. �Well, I should bid you a good night, then.� Quatre said as he
straightened from the fireside and came to the edge of the bed.

�Yes.
Goodnight, Quatre.�

�Trowa,
I��

�No,
Quatre. Let�s not talk anymore. Just go.� Trowa was looking down at the
floor, and did not see Quatre leaning in to kiss his cheek until the lips were
upon him.

�You
never said that I couldn�t touch you. Goodnight, Trowa.� And then he was
gone.

Trowa
sat on the side of the bed with his head buried in his hands while the fire
slowly pushed the chill from the air. He wanted to think about what had been
said, and knew he should, but his head ached and his heart felt even worse.
Resigned, he slowly undressed for bed. As he slipped into the warm nest that the
piled-on quilts made, he was sure sleep would be long in coming. However, the
emotional tumult he had been through proved far more exhausting than he
realized, and Trowa fell into the waiting dream just seconds after he had curled
into a comfortable position.

It
was the white room again, but the low voice was different � younger. �Trowa,
please wake up! I can�t stand this; everything is my fault. He was my
responsibility, and I��

�Mei,
stop blaming yourself. Trowa wouldn�t want you to.� The man�s voice was
light with youth, but heavy with pain.

�How
do you know what Trowa wants? He�s as good as dead lying there like that! He
can�t tell us what he feels, Wufei! God, I just want this all to end� I just
want him to be all right!� She began crying in earnest, and for the space of
several breaths, all Trowa could hear was her choked sobbing and the other�s
gentle murmurs of comfort. He tried to move, or speak, to give some sign that he
was indeed alive � but his body remained stubbornly immobile.

�I
can tell you that because I have known him as long as you have, because he been
my friend almost my entire life! He never did anything he didn�t want to �
it was his decision to save your brother. And you know he would not want you to
feel guilty. Put aside these feelings if you would do him some good � instead,
talk about everything he�s missing while he�s here. Perhaps that will draw
him back to us.�

��Fei,
has anyone ever told you that sometimes you actually make sense?� Her crying
tapered off into weak laughter.

�Just
be sure to omit any details of Duo�s latest mischief. If anything, that would
only scare him further away.�

�Will
you stay with me, while I talk to him? Maybe it would work better if we did it
together.� There was a rustling, and Trowa felt each of his hands being held.
He tried to squeeze, wanting desperately to ease their pain, but his hands
refused to even twitch.

�Of
course, Mei. As long as it takes. We�ll get him back.� Trowa wanted to see
the faces of these people who were so clearly concerned, knowing somehow that
the sight would bring back the memories he had lost. But no matter how he
struggled, his vision remained consumed by white.

Although
they continued speaking, the voices faded. The intense brightness weakened as
well as the dream slipped away. Trowa had a half-lucid moment before being
claimed by a deeper sleep � and was scorched by a flickering thought - knowing
that even in his dreams, he somehow failed those who cared for him.
- 6
- 7
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