What If...
folder
Fullmetal Alchemist › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,395
Reviews:
18
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Fullmetal Alchemist › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,395
Reviews:
18
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
It's Not Really Funny!
DISCLAIMER:
OBVIOUSLY I DON’T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, OR ELSE ROY AND ED WOULD BE LONG OUT OF THE CLOSET AND HUGHES (SNIFF SNIFF) WOULD SOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT BE DEAD. I DO NOT PROFIT MONETARILY FROM THIS CREATIVE GENIUS OF MINE, MORE\'S THE PITY. THE ONLY CHARACTERS THAT I DO OWN (OR ARE ON LOAN FROM THE OWNER) ARE ISIRIUS (MINE) AND MOON (MY BETA). IF YOU NEED TO BLAME SOMEONE FOR ANY OF THE CONTENT IN THIS STORY PLEASE WRITE TO: CAT THE HENTAI MUSE C/O FYRNISIS@HOTMAIL.COM. HE PROBABLY WON\'T ANSWER THOUGH. HE HATES BEING WOKEN UP.
Chapter 7: It\'s Not Really Funny!
It was an uncomfortable but short wait for the jeep carrying Hughes to get back to the compound, and Ed was the first one up out of his seat. He ran out to Hughes and started grabbing things from the bags on the back seat, swatting away the hands of the driver trying to stop him. Hughes stood and watched, a grim look on his face. He really didn’t like having seen some of the things he’d seen. Of course, having been married for so long (13 years, 4 months and 16 days to be precise) he knew the practical application of all of Ed’s more… feminine products. Hughes just didn’t like the idea of that.
Images had flashed through his mind the entire time he’d been packing Ed’s things, flashes of his first birthday party at Hughes’s home, standing next to Gracia after she gave birth, walking with little Elysia in the park, and a myriad of other memories in which Ed and Al had been a part of the family. His total shock at Roy’s unveiling of ‘Sarah’ back in the ally had been completely genuine. He hadn’t even for a second thought that the ‘girl’ could possibly be Ed.
Hughes was so caught up in his own thoughts that he barely heard Ed’s muttering.
“..really a good explanation. Just give me a minute and I’ll tell everything, but just keep your mouth shut a little longer. I promise, I can really explain. Please don’t tell the Horse, please. Let me explain.”
The warm hand on his shoulder made Ed look up at Hughes, and he saw a small smile on the older man’s face even though he was still ghostly pale. Ed smiled back and went back to digging through his bag for a change of clothes.
“Hey Mustang,” he shouted over his shoulder, “I’m going to change really quick before I tell the tallest tale you’ve ever heard. I swear you won’t believe half of the things I say. So point me to a private area and I’ll get back to yanking your chain in a minute.” When he didn’t get an answer he looked back at the group surrounding him, staring at him. With a sigh he turned to the Private who had driven Hughes and was now glaring at him. “Alright Private, show me to the officers latrine.”
The Private continued to glare down his nose, and Ed was getting tired of the silent condemnation surrounding him. Why the hell should he be taking all this crap from these people who wanted him to tell them what was definitely the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him. Hell, Mustang had practically ordered it. No, he’d be damned if he was going to bend over and take it from a fresh faced driver who wouldn’t know where to stick it, and since he couldn’t fluster Mustang he might as well take out his aggression on someone who was at least a little deserving instead of Mustang’s hapless crew.
The Private never knew what hit him.
When Ed walked back through the door passed the gray private he turned to Mustang. The smirk was gone, and that made him feel all the happier. Chewing out the private for ignoring a direct order from a superior officer (he was dressed as a Lieutenant) was a really great idea. The kid had probably never had a dressing down of his caliber in his entire lifetime, not even from his own mother. He’d looked ready to vomit up his lunch rations. And every time Ed had raised his voice another decibel he’d felt the collective flinch from all around. Yep, he still had what it took to keep the military on its toes.
“Alright Mustang, get rid of the kid. He doesn’t get to hear my story. I’m not having this get around.”
“I thought you were going to change. Why on earth are you still wearing that ridiculous women’s getup?” Mustang, oblivious to the glares from Maria and Hawkeye, was staring pointedly at Ed’s chest.
Ed felt the heat burning across his cheeks, and his answer came out harsher than necessary. “I’m only cooperating because I feel like it Mustang. Get rid of the Private or I walk out and leave you to face the wolves alone.”
Roy glared at Ed for all of 10 seconds before dismissing the Private. “This better be good Fullmetal.” A collective mental groan went up from the rest of the group. If Roy was back to the old name then the pissing contest had, once again, begun.
Ed sat down in the chair opposite Mustang’s on either side of the field desk. “Alright Mustang, here’s the down and dirty. Al told you there was a backlash, right? Well it was a little more involved than that, and I have the x-rays to prove it. Basically my physiology was altered.” When that was met with silence he heaved a huge sigh. “Better simplify it further. Alright, they’re real.” That caused Mustang’s gaze to drop a foot. His eyes went from blank to wide in seconds. “Yep.”
Hughes leaned forward, his glasses sliding down his nose. “You mean that you actually use all that… stuff?”
“… I have to.”
Hughes slumped back and sighed in relief. “Thank God! I thought you’d just turned into a pervert like Roy and kept that stuff for amusement. This is so much easier to deal with.”
Hawkeyes mouth dropped, and Maria’s mind latched onto what she wanted to say. “So you’re… a woman?”
“HELL NO! WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THAT IDEA!”
“Well, Ed, you said..”
“I said they were real, not that I’ve been emasculated. Do you really think I wouldn’t have blown my head off if that were the case?”
He could hear Havoc snickering, and there were grins infecting the faces around him. Amazingly, the only one not finding this hilarious was Mustang.
OBVIOUSLY I DON’T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, OR ELSE ROY AND ED WOULD BE LONG OUT OF THE CLOSET AND HUGHES (SNIFF SNIFF) WOULD SOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT BE DEAD. I DO NOT PROFIT MONETARILY FROM THIS CREATIVE GENIUS OF MINE, MORE\'S THE PITY. THE ONLY CHARACTERS THAT I DO OWN (OR ARE ON LOAN FROM THE OWNER) ARE ISIRIUS (MINE) AND MOON (MY BETA). IF YOU NEED TO BLAME SOMEONE FOR ANY OF THE CONTENT IN THIS STORY PLEASE WRITE TO: CAT THE HENTAI MUSE C/O FYRNISIS@HOTMAIL.COM. HE PROBABLY WON\'T ANSWER THOUGH. HE HATES BEING WOKEN UP.
Chapter 7: It\'s Not Really Funny!
It was an uncomfortable but short wait for the jeep carrying Hughes to get back to the compound, and Ed was the first one up out of his seat. He ran out to Hughes and started grabbing things from the bags on the back seat, swatting away the hands of the driver trying to stop him. Hughes stood and watched, a grim look on his face. He really didn’t like having seen some of the things he’d seen. Of course, having been married for so long (13 years, 4 months and 16 days to be precise) he knew the practical application of all of Ed’s more… feminine products. Hughes just didn’t like the idea of that.
Images had flashed through his mind the entire time he’d been packing Ed’s things, flashes of his first birthday party at Hughes’s home, standing next to Gracia after she gave birth, walking with little Elysia in the park, and a myriad of other memories in which Ed and Al had been a part of the family. His total shock at Roy’s unveiling of ‘Sarah’ back in the ally had been completely genuine. He hadn’t even for a second thought that the ‘girl’ could possibly be Ed.
Hughes was so caught up in his own thoughts that he barely heard Ed’s muttering.
“..really a good explanation. Just give me a minute and I’ll tell everything, but just keep your mouth shut a little longer. I promise, I can really explain. Please don’t tell the Horse, please. Let me explain.”
The warm hand on his shoulder made Ed look up at Hughes, and he saw a small smile on the older man’s face even though he was still ghostly pale. Ed smiled back and went back to digging through his bag for a change of clothes.
“Hey Mustang,” he shouted over his shoulder, “I’m going to change really quick before I tell the tallest tale you’ve ever heard. I swear you won’t believe half of the things I say. So point me to a private area and I’ll get back to yanking your chain in a minute.” When he didn’t get an answer he looked back at the group surrounding him, staring at him. With a sigh he turned to the Private who had driven Hughes and was now glaring at him. “Alright Private, show me to the officers latrine.”
The Private continued to glare down his nose, and Ed was getting tired of the silent condemnation surrounding him. Why the hell should he be taking all this crap from these people who wanted him to tell them what was definitely the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him. Hell, Mustang had practically ordered it. No, he’d be damned if he was going to bend over and take it from a fresh faced driver who wouldn’t know where to stick it, and since he couldn’t fluster Mustang he might as well take out his aggression on someone who was at least a little deserving instead of Mustang’s hapless crew.
The Private never knew what hit him.
When Ed walked back through the door passed the gray private he turned to Mustang. The smirk was gone, and that made him feel all the happier. Chewing out the private for ignoring a direct order from a superior officer (he was dressed as a Lieutenant) was a really great idea. The kid had probably never had a dressing down of his caliber in his entire lifetime, not even from his own mother. He’d looked ready to vomit up his lunch rations. And every time Ed had raised his voice another decibel he’d felt the collective flinch from all around. Yep, he still had what it took to keep the military on its toes.
“Alright Mustang, get rid of the kid. He doesn’t get to hear my story. I’m not having this get around.”
“I thought you were going to change. Why on earth are you still wearing that ridiculous women’s getup?” Mustang, oblivious to the glares from Maria and Hawkeye, was staring pointedly at Ed’s chest.
Ed felt the heat burning across his cheeks, and his answer came out harsher than necessary. “I’m only cooperating because I feel like it Mustang. Get rid of the Private or I walk out and leave you to face the wolves alone.”
Roy glared at Ed for all of 10 seconds before dismissing the Private. “This better be good Fullmetal.” A collective mental groan went up from the rest of the group. If Roy was back to the old name then the pissing contest had, once again, begun.
Ed sat down in the chair opposite Mustang’s on either side of the field desk. “Alright Mustang, here’s the down and dirty. Al told you there was a backlash, right? Well it was a little more involved than that, and I have the x-rays to prove it. Basically my physiology was altered.” When that was met with silence he heaved a huge sigh. “Better simplify it further. Alright, they’re real.” That caused Mustang’s gaze to drop a foot. His eyes went from blank to wide in seconds. “Yep.”
Hughes leaned forward, his glasses sliding down his nose. “You mean that you actually use all that… stuff?”
“… I have to.”
Hughes slumped back and sighed in relief. “Thank God! I thought you’d just turned into a pervert like Roy and kept that stuff for amusement. This is so much easier to deal with.”
Hawkeyes mouth dropped, and Maria’s mind latched onto what she wanted to say. “So you’re… a woman?”
“HELL NO! WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THAT IDEA!”
“Well, Ed, you said..”
“I said they were real, not that I’ve been emasculated. Do you really think I wouldn’t have blown my head off if that were the case?”
He could hear Havoc snickering, and there were grins infecting the faces around him. Amazingly, the only one not finding this hilarious was Mustang.